Mom Is Not Willing To Step Back When Her Husband Asks For More Time To Pay $6,000 For A New Piano For His Stepdaughter After He Smashed It Out Of Anger
Having a passion and a hobby that is separate from your school or work is useful to have as it helps you to relax and, for a while, let your mind focus on something that doesn’t cause you stress and gives you pleasure instead. It is especially important for kids and teenagers to put their active minds at ease.
Not every parent understands the importance of having an activity that gives a kid joy and actually often takes away that joy as a form of punishment as they see it more like a distraction from what they consider more important things.
One such parent was concerned about his stepdaughter’s future because she spent so much time playing the piano, even though her grades were good. He also was annoyed with the loud playing, so he took away the piano by completely destroying it.
More info: Reddit
13 Y.O. with a passion for music gets her piano shattered by her stepdad, so people suggest that the girl’s mother should divorce him
Image credit: bradjavernick (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) who chose the nickname SUDDEN-IMPACT-3097 on Reddit is a mother of a 13-year-old girl, called Callie in the story. Her previous husband and Callie’s biological dad died 6 years ago and she has been together with her new husband for the past 2.5 years.
Callie loves instrumental music and she is quite good at playing the piano. The mom says that she really sees her talent, but the piano has a deeper meaning as well. The girl feels that this is a way for her to connect with her late father.
The mom has been with her new husband for 2.5 years and before starting living together he never had a problem with her daughter’s hobbies
Image credits: u/SUDDEN-IMPACT-3097
The OP encouraged Callie to continue playing it and it was such a big part of her life that the girl’s grandparents decided she needed to have her own piano. The girl appreciated the gift and used it plenty.
Everyone in the family is happy for Callie and admires her talent except for her stepdad. He thinks the piano is distracting and the teenager should focus more on school and building a foundation for her future, although, he never had an issue with Callie playing the piano before he and the OP started living together.
It seems that the piano is more of an annoyance than a concern for the stepdad as he doesn’t really care for Callie’s passion, or at least his actions show that because he never attends her plays nor listens to her playing at home. The husband actually is quite annoyed when he hears Callie playing and doesn’t miss an opportunity to lecture her and her mom about how it is a waste of time.
The daughter, Callie, really liked playing the piano and she was good at it, so her grandparents gifted her one
Image credits: u/SUDDEN-IMPACT-3097
It was such a regular occurrence that the OP had to sit down with her husband and talk about his attitude. The man got angry and thought that he was the only parent being reasonable and trying to control Callie when she was getting distracted from school.
But it seems that this was just some kind of excuse, because according to the mom, Callie’s grades were good and the mom managed to convince her husband to drop it and allow the girl to enjoy her hobby without feeling guilty for not studying.
Callie was excited not only because she enjoyed playing, but because it helped her connect to her late father
Image credits: u/SUDDEN-IMPACT-3097
However, after some time, the piano once again became the center of a fight. Turns out, Callie was playing loudly and the music woke up her stepdad on his day off, which made him quite furious.
He resorted to an ultimatum and gave two choices: to put the piano somewhere else or wait for him to get rid of it. He suggested moving the piano to the grandparent’s house, but Callie didn’t want to so, he considered this answer as choosing the second part of the ultimatum.
Her stepdad didn’t like how much time the teenager was spending playing the piano and after she woke him up with it for the last time, he wanted it out of the house
Image credit: Paul Cross (not the actual image)
When Callie and her mom left the house, the stepdad already knew what to do. It isn’t clear how he did it, but the man managed to take the piano to a junkyard where his dad worked and shredded it to pieces.
The piano cost $6,000, so it wasn’t a high-end one, but it wasn’t cheap either and also, it was a gift to his stepdaughter that she cherished and used.
Cassie didn’t want it taken to her grandparents, so the only thing the stepfather thought to do was to destroy the piano
Image credits: u/SUDDEN-IMPACT-3097
When the OP found out what her husband did, she couldn’t control herself and had a screaming match in front of his family, demanding that he pay for a new one and giving him 2 days to do it. The husband’s reaction was to apologize and his excuse was that he was caught by desperation and frustration and acted without thinking.
Many people in the comments were not convinced the husband was telling the truth because it must have taken some time to execute his plan, to carry the piano to a car or a van, to bring it to the junkyard, and to explain to his dad what he was planning to do. There was plenty of time to calm down and reconsider it.
He took it to the junkyard where his dad worked and smashed it
Image credits: u/SUDDEN-IMPACT-3097
The husband had the money to pay for the piano, but he didn’t want to spend it that way. He was saving for a new garage as he was planning on opening his own business. He accused his wife of wanting to ruin his business when he didn’t even start it and was asking for at least 4 months to be able to pay for the piano.
The OP isn’t negotiating, but the husband thought that a business has more priority over a piano. What he didn’t realize was that it wasn’t just a piano, but the feelings attached to it and the way he went about it.
When the mom found out about it, she demanded her husband pay for a new one and gave him 2 days to do so
Image credits: u/SUDDEN-IMPACT-3097
A lot of people in the comments suggested the woman divorce this man, because they believed he would cause more trouble in the future as his behavior indicated disrespect and disregard.
The OP also went into the comments and revealed that the husband has had issues with other activities Callie liked, but gradually, they became a problem in his eyes, further confirming other redditors’ opinion that the piano is just the first step that could lead to something more serious.
The man had the money because he was saving for the start of a new business and didn’t want to spend it on a piano, so he asked for more time
Image credits: u/SUDDEN-IMPACT-3097
Image credit: Kryziz Bonny (not the actual image)
As for the verdict whether the mom was the jerk for requiring her husband to pay for the piano immediately — people encouraged the OP to stand her ground and she was in the right here. But they considered her to be a jerk for subjecting her daughter to an abusive environment and if she wants to protect her, she should leave that man.
We would like to hear your opinion on this. Should the mom be a bit more lenient and allow her husband more time to pay for the damage he did? Do you agree with the redditors who say the woman should end this relationship? Let us know your thoughts!
The OP was merciless, demanding compensation for the new piano now and redditors encouraged her to not give up, but leave the relationship after he pays
These two red flags really stood out for me(from the forest of them). One when he claimed he was doing the mother's job for her by with her daughter. The other is the line about him saying he acted in a "moment of desperation and frustration". What else would he do in those moments?! She needs to get out of there for her daughter's sake if not her own.
Yeah that "moment of desperation and frustration" is bull. Dragging the piano out of the house, shipping it to the junkyard and then smashing it to pieces. He didn't get a hold of his feelings during that whole time? That takes a lot of effort and quite a deal of meanness. So where will that temper show next? I agree with you that this is red flags all around.
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Once he has started smashing up the piano it is only a matter of time before he starts smashing up people. Been there with my first husband, first the furniture then me and the children. Make a police report for property damage if you hope to ever see the money or a new piano.
This is so messed up. Besides all the things others have said about how he's a terrible person, he's also just ignorant. Playing an instrument greatly increases academic success. It's proven.
Yeah, there's no way his "concerns" about the piano affecting the child's future aren't complete BS. He just doesn't like hearing her playing, and he's reaching for some kind of justification, because if he says "she should stop doing an activity that she loves and is important to her because it annoys me," it would be entirely obvious that he's a raging a-hole. (And the cat's out of the bag on that one with the whole piano-destroying temper tantrum, so this is a very clear-cut DTMFA situation. I suspect the mother relies on the stepfather economically, to be putting so much effort into trying to justify/find some way to forgive this, but if that's the case, she at least needs to start working on an exit plan. Even if he's the rare, one-in-a-million a-hole who will actually take a look in the mirror and work on himself after crossing the line like this, knowing that she can and will leave will only help with that process.
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This story struck a MAJOR chord with me. I was that artsy child (I am currently in my mid 30's) and fortunately, I have had a pretty successful career in the performing arts field. I also have a stepmother. She and my father are not artistic people and are very no-nonsense business professionals. With that being said, they came to EVERY recital, play, musical, etc. that I did. They knew this was who I am and this was how my brain worked. Of course they would get frustrated, but they knew that is who I was. I am so angry at this mother for staying with this man who has done the bare minimum of what it takes to be a supportive father.
Leave now for your daughter and your own safety. Pursue the money when you're in a safe location and a divorce. My dad was like this with me when I was a kid and it always escalates. I'm still suffering the long term physical and mental damage. This guy won't change and the health and safety of your daughter and yourself are what's most important here.
(1) Learning a musical instrument actually has a positive affect on learning, especially mathematics. (2) WTactualF? Who destroys something worth $6000 that someone else paid for? (3) Divorce. Your husband is prioritizing himself over your daughter, and if you stay with him, so are you. (4) Contact the police. Destruction of personal property is a crime. While you're at it, file a civil suit to force him to buy a new piano.
Since the strep father, according to OP, is finding other things about the child he doesn’t like, I’m wondering if he hates the kid (jealous of the attention) or if he’s tried to do something to her and she resisted/rebuffed him so he smashed her prized possession in retaliation.
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First he suggested the piano should go to the house of your parents. Then he will suggest your daughter should go there to. Huge red flag.
Guy destroys someone else's (very expensive and highly sentimental) property because he didn't get his way and she's not already seeking a divorce? I highly doubt this was the first time she had to tiptoe around this guy's ego. His whole behaviour is super alarming.
The guy sounds completely unhinged as well as selfish, abusive, and cruel. Trade the loser in for a new piano ASAP.
What is the matter with people? As a musician myself, I often have to be aware of not disturbing my wife if she is trying to sleep (she is often sick), so I use headphones. I don't love it, but it's better than not playing. In their case, there are so many compromises that can be made before this monster cuts up a piano: 1) Ear plugs. 2) Buy her a $1000 electronic piano like I have (in addition to the real one) so she can play in headphones if the guy is sleeping. Bonus: she can use multiple cool sounds. 3) Throw the guy out. If he is capable of behaving like this, he surely does it in other aspects of his life.
Yes my sister plays piano. My nephew too. Her husband hates it, so she has an electric one with head phones. She plays and sings with a choir. He does go there to film them, but at home he doesn't want to hear the piano all the time. I lived with students. One had a piano. She played very well. Bach. But we were lazy students and it was irritating, when she started early in the morning on saturdays and woke everyone up. So we complained and said she could start at 11. Lol every saturday exactly at 11 she started to play Bach. She was really good.
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NTA but you will be TA if you don’t divorce him immediately. You say that he was fine with your daughter’s interests before you married but he’s changed. He’s showing you who he really is and that’s an abusive AH. Now that he has you and Callie locked in by marriage, the abuse is ramping up. He abuses, then there’s a contrition cycle where somehow you become the bad guy, then there’s a worse abuse cycle and on and on. Sound familiar? He’ll start with breaking your daughter’s things and move on to breaking her bones and yours too. This does not get better. Protect your daughter and leave today.
Had he tried to smash the piano in the house all by himself, then I would say that was a “moment of desperation and frustration”. The fact that he had to make arrangements to get it moved to his father’s junkyard and cut it up (blasphemy towards a beautiful and expensive instrument, btw), tells me there was planning involved. Planning = Premeditation. Definitely NOT a spontaneous act. Also ffs, he is supposed to be a grown up. Grown ups are supposed to have well-developed self-control and critical thinking skills. They know to take a minute before acting when they’re angry and doing something they’re going to regret. OP did NOT ruin his chances for starting his own business by insisting he pay the replacement cost of the piano. HE DID, by flying into a rage and going thorough all those steps to destroy it, as well as dragging his whole family into his mess. OP needs to kick him to the curb—and haul his a*s into court to be prosecuted for stealing and destroying a $6000 piano (then just let him try to get licensing for his business with that on his record)—-before he takes that rage and commits other premeditated acts of cruelty and destruction on her and her daughter. Believe me, girlfriend, you and your daughter will be MUCH better off and happier without him. Oh, and next time do background checks and everything else you can, to thoroughly vet any man who you want to go out with m much less marry. You need to know you’re not inviting another monster into your home, to live with you and your child. Personally, I would avoid dating for a while, until you’ve once again got your life under control, and you’re truly happy again.
Divorce sounds like a good way to get that 6k. If he's going to get angry enough to destroy a piano like that, then what happens next, what will he break next? Will he get physical with you or your daughter? You are both safer and better off without him.
Please. Get that man out of you and your daughter’s life. My mom married a man who was reliable as a provider, and father to the daughter he and my mom had together, didn’t like me or my older sister much. He would sometimes go into a rage when frustrated. He broke the frozen and stuck screen door handle off the door with his bare hand, twice. He would sometimes throw things like tools, again when frustrated. He loved dogs, though, and when I saw him once kick the dog in the thigh, hard, I knew he could some day kill me. Because he loved the dog. I was about 12 at the time. After that time I lived in secret fear that I would so something, or cause trouble bad enough that he would get the gun (for protection of our family bar/restaurant business) or his hunting rifle and shoot me. Or kill me with his bare hands. When I learned to drive, I didn’t want to drive my sister places bc I had visions of getting into an accident with her in the car, her getting hurt, and him killing me.
Continued… Please do not let your daughter live in fear for the time he is in her life. No one deserves that. I didn’t deserve that. But it has taken all the rest of my life (I’m now 62) to recover from thinking that I somehow deserve the shoddy treatment I learned to accept and expect as the price of a roof over my head and a seat at the family table.
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I don't understand why you would stay married to this man even before he smashed her piano. He sounds like a complete douche that one day is going to snap and take out that frustration on you or your daughter. Yes by all means he should pay for the piano. He should attend anger management classes and while he is there you should be meeting with a divorce attorney.
Oh Hell No he didn't! I'd go berzerk if that happened to me,you do not mess with my kid's stuff, I'll give him an ultimatum,pay asap or be prepared to lose alot of money cos divorce is in the cards for sure....you are not the AH...HE IS and I will make a police report.He can go to hell
I disagree with people bashing on the mom. My stepmother was a wonderful mother figure until I moved in with them from my mother. Then she became the stepmother from hell and made me hate life. Too many people today hide their true thoughts on "step" kids, until they feel they r so far settled in that they can do whatever they want. And it's not always easy to spot in the beginning. Obviously, she should now consider all this, but it's not fair to say she's the a**hole for exposing her kid to him, when she says he had no issue with any of it in the beginning
Very well put. But if she stays with him, now that she knows what he is capable of, she will positively Be The A*****e. My mom made that mistake, and it caused major life problems for my older sister and me, kids from a differently-awful father. I love my mom but I feel she sacrificed the two of us in a bid to get the good provider and outer social stability that marrying him gave us. It was somewhat like the “good” prison guard who learns becomes sadistic a little at a time. It was accepted in the environment and after upending her life when her first husband became violent, she settled for relative calm and material comfort.
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This is 100% an attempt on the part of the dad to assert his domination over the household. He's basically saying, "I'm top of the pecking order, everything in this house belongs to me, and I can do whatever I want to get my way, no matter how much it hurts or violates somebody else." Absolutely it's a red flag. The fact that he's even questioning his obligation to replace the piano shows that he has no respect for his daughter (or his wife, or his in-laws). This is only going to get worse.
OMG... poor child... and he seems like a narcissist or something like that. He needs to get out. People with that personality are really charming at first - but later on... 🤥
It's not that he didn't mind before moving in - it's that he was hiding his true colours until he figured he had OP caught. It *started* with him criticizing Callie's playing after he and OP moved in together. It *escalated* to him openly criticizing OP that she's not doing her "job". It *further escalated" to an act of violence - against an inanimate object yes - but that's where it starts. Punching a wall. Punching a wall next to your head. Punching you.
I’m gonna soapbox on a tangent for sec, but the Reddit comments posted here irked me: What stood out to me is how, once again, a comment spews that what he did was a felony and to take him to small claims court. So people really not understand even the basic difference between criminal (penal; illegal, which is often classed, which felony is “very illegal” usually resulting in a sentence such as restitution and imprisonment) and civil (tort law; claims of emotional and/or physical/tangible loss; punitive damages and/or compensation for financial loss paid to plaintiff; no imprisonment) or small claims (civil tort for lower cost damages)??? It annoys me that a stock reply you see on Reddit is “sue them! They’ve committed a crime!!! Take them to small claims!” A fundamental misunderstanding of how legal systems work implies an overall lack of understanding of basic civics, which is how we end up with the political mess the USA and most of the world are currently in.
The question I have is who's house is it? Is it a rental, is it hers from the first marriage, is it his, or do they jointly own it? He also said the money would have to come from "HIS" savings! The outcome should be the same! He pays and then she divorces him but there sure are a lot of details missing.
The child's father only died 6 years ago and the mother has already been married to this abusive jerk for 2 years. What he did was a criminal act.If he doesn't replace the piano, like for like ,within the allotted timeI would have him charged with theft and malicious damage. and while she's at it, she should take out a restraining order and change the locks. This creek is being emotionally abusive to a 13 year old child .How long will it be until it escalates?
My old man used that excuse when he got violent with us. He was too angry to see straight, he said. And he's sorry. Sorry? After the 12th time? Yeah no. However, she is as much as an arsehole as the neanderthal she took home. She has a daughter and so it's no longer just about her "feelings". The man also has to accept the daughter. I feel that, the moment he rejected the piano playing side of the kid, he should've been kicked out. It's hard as a single parent to get a mate? No s**t Sherlocks, because now there is another life involved, and a life she brought into the world no less.
Throw away the whole husband after you've sued his and his father's asses for theft damage to property or whatever rules you have in your country!!! My stepfather did some absolutely tiniest things while I was growing up and mother always sided with him and in her mind it never happened. I was not able to work or save any money to get away but I left as soon as I finished school and lived with my grandmother for 4 years while I did my degree. I only have a relationship with my mother for her sake not for mine; my stepfather died 4 years ago and all the things that I'd carried with me, died with him
OP this guy is abusing your daughter. You are the AH if you don't kick him out.
Whoa! This guy sounds dangerous. What a brutal thing to do to anyone, let along a child. I'd want him out now. I'd take him to court for the piano later.
Let's not overlook the fact that before he moved in with OP, he was fine with the piano and seemingly everything else that has anything to do with the relationship. Then, as soon as he moves in, he has a big problem with OP's daughter playing literally any time. His mindset is basically "Now that I live here, everything is mine and I make the rules." OP better divirce this a*****e asap. Her daughter is easily much more important and should always be the priority.
Beating the piano first... then what. HUGE tornado warning here. Replace it and go to anger management or bring theft charges and get his daddy in on receiving stolen property them put his miserable, gaslighting, abusive a*s out.
You've seen his true colours, now. Get a good divorce lawyer. It's possible he doesn't want a teenager around in the first place. I feel neither of you are safe.
This man stole and destroyed someone else's property, belonging to the OPs daughter. He needs to face both legal and financial consequences. Immediately. If the mother won't sue him then the grandparents should. Also the daughter should consider leaving and living with the grandparents if the mother doesn't through this husband out.
The "Reddit" link comes straight back to this article 🤦♂️ any idea how to tag an actual BP person to fix it?
I don't, in any way, condone what this man did but I feel there's maybe a bigger picture here. If the daughter is still hankering after her biological dad whom she lost when she was young, something was not properly fostered in her relationship with her stepdad. And this may not have been his fault, or his fault alone. I mean, he had no issue with the kid's musical activities at first. Yet, year in and year out, her playing reminded him that she's not over her dad's death and that he'll never be enough of a dad. If their relationship was solid, this wouldn't have happened, is my feeling... Maybe intervention was needed much sooner than his horrific outburst?
I am sure her piano playing isn't just about her dad. She also has a love of music. If he is taking this personally then it shows a huge lack of maturity on his part. Of course, smashing up the piano showed that as well. Aside from that it is abusive. And if he ever hoped to have a good relationship with her, he has totally ruined it now. People who are controlling and abusive rarely ever see themselves as the problem, so I doubt intervention earlier would have helped. Edit: By the way, it is perfectly fine for her to miss her dad. It doesn't equal a rejection of a step-dad. Again, if he feels that way, that shows a lack of maturity.
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I'd call the cops, sue him for the money and have him pay extra in the following divorce
I'm going to guess he was fine with the piano playing until he learned it was how she connected with her dead father. Then, whenever she played, it would be a constant "you're not him" irritation. I'm not excusing him, he should be an adult who tackles such insecurities in a healthy way, but I think this explains why he had the attitude change and his weird word choice of "desperation and frustration". I don't think he's mature and secure enough to be married to a widow.
I really hope she went to the police to report the damage and divorced him. He's an abuser waiting to happen
I think he got married and his true nature showed. He obviously is one of those guys who is "the head of the house". What he says goes, including what he's doing to his stepdaughter. His father is toxic as Hell. Who lets their son smash up a new piano "out of anger". That's where he got his behavior, and it's not going to change. Run, OP, and take your poor daughter with you.
Why are you still with TAH? This is your daughter's life we are talking about. She needs to feel secure with you. I'm sure she is not too happy with him. What else will he destroy of Her's when he becomes unhappy with her again. He has already started the emotional abuse. Are you willing to let him start whaling on her when she pisses him off?
I never understood the whole “you can’t have hobbies or interests outside of school or chores because it ‘distracts’ you from doing what adults tell you what to do” mentality some parents have. And throwing a temper tantrum when the step dad, a grown man, didn’t get to sleep all day because the girl played music in another part of the house is not a good sign either. Getting rid of the piano like he did is a long and hard process for a spur of the moment “act of frustration”, sounds more like a threat of “do as I say or I will destroy your stuff.”
As a step-mom I would never have begun a relationship with my Husband if I wasn’t willing to treat my step daughter as my own. That’s the only way to do it. It causes a lot more heartbreak, but it’s the only way to do it. Would he have done that to his own kid? And if he would…I mean, in both situations he’s just shitty all around
Leave this man immediately, or child protective services should remove the child.
Sorry but that's psycho. And it's theft. The piano didn't belong to him. Might as well go into the girl's room and steal her jewelry. It's the same thing. And if took the piano from a neighbor's house and had it hacked pieces, he'd be in jail with a restraining order against his a*s because this behavior is not just criminal, it's bizarre. And a premeditated act of unchecked rage and revenge. RUUUUN!!
You can find 5 free pianos on Craigslist any day of the week. $200 to tune it. It'll make do until a true replacement can be afforded.
The next song she learns should that Tammy Wynette one, you know; D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
One guy yelled at my son once. Out he went. He said he didn't understand why his kids never wanted to see him and his 2nd divorce was because of his stepkids, who hated him. He had no idea why. Immediately tried to implement his rules. Bye bye.
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These two red flags really stood out for me(from the forest of them). One when he claimed he was doing the mother's job for her by with her daughter. The other is the line about him saying he acted in a "moment of desperation and frustration". What else would he do in those moments?! She needs to get out of there for her daughter's sake if not her own.
Yeah that "moment of desperation and frustration" is bull. Dragging the piano out of the house, shipping it to the junkyard and then smashing it to pieces. He didn't get a hold of his feelings during that whole time? That takes a lot of effort and quite a deal of meanness. So where will that temper show next? I agree with you that this is red flags all around.
Load More Replies... Once he has started smashing up the piano it is only a matter of time before he starts smashing up people. Been there with my first husband, first the furniture then me and the children. Make a police report for property damage if you hope to ever see the money or a new piano.
This is so messed up. Besides all the things others have said about how he's a terrible person, he's also just ignorant. Playing an instrument greatly increases academic success. It's proven.
Yeah, there's no way his "concerns" about the piano affecting the child's future aren't complete BS. He just doesn't like hearing her playing, and he's reaching for some kind of justification, because if he says "she should stop doing an activity that she loves and is important to her because it annoys me," it would be entirely obvious that he's a raging a-hole. (And the cat's out of the bag on that one with the whole piano-destroying temper tantrum, so this is a very clear-cut DTMFA situation. I suspect the mother relies on the stepfather economically, to be putting so much effort into trying to justify/find some way to forgive this, but if that's the case, she at least needs to start working on an exit plan. Even if he's the rare, one-in-a-million a-hole who will actually take a look in the mirror and work on himself after crossing the line like this, knowing that she can and will leave will only help with that process.
Load More Replies... This story struck a MAJOR chord with me. I was that artsy child (I am currently in my mid 30's) and fortunately, I have had a pretty successful career in the performing arts field. I also have a stepmother. She and my father are not artistic people and are very no-nonsense business professionals. With that being said, they came to EVERY recital, play, musical, etc. that I did. They knew this was who I am and this was how my brain worked. Of course they would get frustrated, but they knew that is who I was. I am so angry at this mother for staying with this man who has done the bare minimum of what it takes to be a supportive father.
Leave now for your daughter and your own safety. Pursue the money when you're in a safe location and a divorce. My dad was like this with me when I was a kid and it always escalates. I'm still suffering the long term physical and mental damage. This guy won't change and the health and safety of your daughter and yourself are what's most important here.
(1) Learning a musical instrument actually has a positive affect on learning, especially mathematics. (2) WTactualF? Who destroys something worth $6000 that someone else paid for? (3) Divorce. Your husband is prioritizing himself over your daughter, and if you stay with him, so are you. (4) Contact the police. Destruction of personal property is a crime. While you're at it, file a civil suit to force him to buy a new piano.
Since the strep father, according to OP, is finding other things about the child he doesn’t like, I’m wondering if he hates the kid (jealous of the attention) or if he’s tried to do something to her and she resisted/rebuffed him so he smashed her prized possession in retaliation.
Load More Replies... First he suggested the piano should go to the house of your parents. Then he will suggest your daughter should go there to. Huge red flag.
Guy destroys someone else's (very expensive and highly sentimental) property because he didn't get his way and she's not already seeking a divorce? I highly doubt this was the first time she had to tiptoe around this guy's ego. His whole behaviour is super alarming.
The guy sounds completely unhinged as well as selfish, abusive, and cruel. Trade the loser in for a new piano ASAP.
What is the matter with people? As a musician myself, I often have to be aware of not disturbing my wife if she is trying to sleep (she is often sick), so I use headphones. I don't love it, but it's better than not playing. In their case, there are so many compromises that can be made before this monster cuts up a piano: 1) Ear plugs. 2) Buy her a $1000 electronic piano like I have (in addition to the real one) so she can play in headphones if the guy is sleeping. Bonus: she can use multiple cool sounds. 3) Throw the guy out. If he is capable of behaving like this, he surely does it in other aspects of his life.
Yes my sister plays piano. My nephew too. Her husband hates it, so she has an electric one with head phones. She plays and sings with a choir. He does go there to film them, but at home he doesn't want to hear the piano all the time. I lived with students. One had a piano. She played very well. Bach. But we were lazy students and it was irritating, when she started early in the morning on saturdays and woke everyone up. So we complained and said she could start at 11. Lol every saturday exactly at 11 she started to play Bach. She was really good.
Load More Replies... NTA but you will be TA if you don’t divorce him immediately. You say that he was fine with your daughter’s interests before you married but he’s changed. He’s showing you who he really is and that’s an abusive AH. Now that he has you and Callie locked in by marriage, the abuse is ramping up. He abuses, then there’s a contrition cycle where somehow you become the bad guy, then there’s a worse abuse cycle and on and on. Sound familiar? He’ll start with breaking your daughter’s things and move on to breaking her bones and yours too. This does not get better. Protect your daughter and leave today.
Had he tried to smash the piano in the house all by himself, then I would say that was a “moment of desperation and frustration”. The fact that he had to make arrangements to get it moved to his father’s junkyard and cut it up (blasphemy towards a beautiful and expensive instrument, btw), tells me there was planning involved. Planning = Premeditation. Definitely NOT a spontaneous act. Also ffs, he is supposed to be a grown up. Grown ups are supposed to have well-developed self-control and critical thinking skills. They know to take a minute before acting when they’re angry and doing something they’re going to regret. OP did NOT ruin his chances for starting his own business by insisting he pay the replacement cost of the piano. HE DID, by flying into a rage and going thorough all those steps to destroy it, as well as dragging his whole family into his mess. OP needs to kick him to the curb—and haul his a*s into court to be prosecuted for stealing and destroying a $6000 piano (then just let him try to get licensing for his business with that on his record)—-before he takes that rage and commits other premeditated acts of cruelty and destruction on her and her daughter. Believe me, girlfriend, you and your daughter will be MUCH better off and happier without him. Oh, and next time do background checks and everything else you can, to thoroughly vet any man who you want to go out with m much less marry. You need to know you’re not inviting another monster into your home, to live with you and your child. Personally, I would avoid dating for a while, until you’ve once again got your life under control, and you’re truly happy again.
Divorce sounds like a good way to get that 6k. If he's going to get angry enough to destroy a piano like that, then what happens next, what will he break next? Will he get physical with you or your daughter? You are both safer and better off without him.
Please. Get that man out of you and your daughter’s life. My mom married a man who was reliable as a provider, and father to the daughter he and my mom had together, didn’t like me or my older sister much. He would sometimes go into a rage when frustrated. He broke the frozen and stuck screen door handle off the door with his bare hand, twice. He would sometimes throw things like tools, again when frustrated. He loved dogs, though, and when I saw him once kick the dog in the thigh, hard, I knew he could some day kill me. Because he loved the dog. I was about 12 at the time. After that time I lived in secret fear that I would so something, or cause trouble bad enough that he would get the gun (for protection of our family bar/restaurant business) or his hunting rifle and shoot me. Or kill me with his bare hands. When I learned to drive, I didn’t want to drive my sister places bc I had visions of getting into an accident with her in the car, her getting hurt, and him killing me.
Continued… Please do not let your daughter live in fear for the time he is in her life. No one deserves that. I didn’t deserve that. But it has taken all the rest of my life (I’m now 62) to recover from thinking that I somehow deserve the shoddy treatment I learned to accept and expect as the price of a roof over my head and a seat at the family table.
Load More Replies... I don't understand why you would stay married to this man even before he smashed her piano. He sounds like a complete douche that one day is going to snap and take out that frustration on you or your daughter. Yes by all means he should pay for the piano. He should attend anger management classes and while he is there you should be meeting with a divorce attorney.
Oh Hell No he didn't! I'd go berzerk if that happened to me,you do not mess with my kid's stuff, I'll give him an ultimatum,pay asap or be prepared to lose alot of money cos divorce is in the cards for sure....you are not the AH...HE IS and I will make a police report.He can go to hell
I disagree with people bashing on the mom. My stepmother was a wonderful mother figure until I moved in with them from my mother. Then she became the stepmother from hell and made me hate life. Too many people today hide their true thoughts on "step" kids, until they feel they r so far settled in that they can do whatever they want. And it's not always easy to spot in the beginning. Obviously, she should now consider all this, but it's not fair to say she's the a**hole for exposing her kid to him, when she says he had no issue with any of it in the beginning
Very well put. But if she stays with him, now that she knows what he is capable of, she will positively Be The A*****e. My mom made that mistake, and it caused major life problems for my older sister and me, kids from a differently-awful father. I love my mom but I feel she sacrificed the two of us in a bid to get the good provider and outer social stability that marrying him gave us. It was somewhat like the “good” prison guard who learns becomes sadistic a little at a time. It was accepted in the environment and after upending her life when her first husband became violent, she settled for relative calm and material comfort.
Load More Replies... This is 100% an attempt on the part of the dad to assert his domination over the household. He's basically saying, "I'm top of the pecking order, everything in this house belongs to me, and I can do whatever I want to get my way, no matter how much it hurts or violates somebody else." Absolutely it's a red flag. The fact that he's even questioning his obligation to replace the piano shows that he has no respect for his daughter (or his wife, or his in-laws). This is only going to get worse.
OMG... poor child... and he seems like a narcissist or something like that. He needs to get out. People with that personality are really charming at first - but later on... 🤥
It's not that he didn't mind before moving in - it's that he was hiding his true colours until he figured he had OP caught. It *started* with him criticizing Callie's playing after he and OP moved in together. It *escalated* to him openly criticizing OP that she's not doing her "job". It *further escalated" to an act of violence - against an inanimate object yes - but that's where it starts. Punching a wall. Punching a wall next to your head. Punching you.
I’m gonna soapbox on a tangent for sec, but the Reddit comments posted here irked me: What stood out to me is how, once again, a comment spews that what he did was a felony and to take him to small claims court. So people really not understand even the basic difference between criminal (penal; illegal, which is often classed, which felony is “very illegal” usually resulting in a sentence such as restitution and imprisonment) and civil (tort law; claims of emotional and/or physical/tangible loss; punitive damages and/or compensation for financial loss paid to plaintiff; no imprisonment) or small claims (civil tort for lower cost damages)??? It annoys me that a stock reply you see on Reddit is “sue them! They’ve committed a crime!!! Take them to small claims!” A fundamental misunderstanding of how legal systems work implies an overall lack of understanding of basic civics, which is how we end up with the political mess the USA and most of the world are currently in.
The question I have is who's house is it? Is it a rental, is it hers from the first marriage, is it his, or do they jointly own it? He also said the money would have to come from "HIS" savings! The outcome should be the same! He pays and then she divorces him but there sure are a lot of details missing.
The child's father only died 6 years ago and the mother has already been married to this abusive jerk for 2 years. What he did was a criminal act.If he doesn't replace the piano, like for like ,within the allotted timeI would have him charged with theft and malicious damage. and while she's at it, she should take out a restraining order and change the locks. This creek is being emotionally abusive to a 13 year old child .How long will it be until it escalates?
My old man used that excuse when he got violent with us. He was too angry to see straight, he said. And he's sorry. Sorry? After the 12th time? Yeah no. However, she is as much as an arsehole as the neanderthal she took home. She has a daughter and so it's no longer just about her "feelings". The man also has to accept the daughter. I feel that, the moment he rejected the piano playing side of the kid, he should've been kicked out. It's hard as a single parent to get a mate? No s**t Sherlocks, because now there is another life involved, and a life she brought into the world no less.
Throw away the whole husband after you've sued his and his father's asses for theft damage to property or whatever rules you have in your country!!! My stepfather did some absolutely tiniest things while I was growing up and mother always sided with him and in her mind it never happened. I was not able to work or save any money to get away but I left as soon as I finished school and lived with my grandmother for 4 years while I did my degree. I only have a relationship with my mother for her sake not for mine; my stepfather died 4 years ago and all the things that I'd carried with me, died with him
OP this guy is abusing your daughter. You are the AH if you don't kick him out.
Whoa! This guy sounds dangerous. What a brutal thing to do to anyone, let along a child. I'd want him out now. I'd take him to court for the piano later.
Let's not overlook the fact that before he moved in with OP, he was fine with the piano and seemingly everything else that has anything to do with the relationship. Then, as soon as he moves in, he has a big problem with OP's daughter playing literally any time. His mindset is basically "Now that I live here, everything is mine and I make the rules." OP better divirce this a*****e asap. Her daughter is easily much more important and should always be the priority.
Beating the piano first... then what. HUGE tornado warning here. Replace it and go to anger management or bring theft charges and get his daddy in on receiving stolen property them put his miserable, gaslighting, abusive a*s out.
You've seen his true colours, now. Get a good divorce lawyer. It's possible he doesn't want a teenager around in the first place. I feel neither of you are safe.
This man stole and destroyed someone else's property, belonging to the OPs daughter. He needs to face both legal and financial consequences. Immediately. If the mother won't sue him then the grandparents should. Also the daughter should consider leaving and living with the grandparents if the mother doesn't through this husband out.
The "Reddit" link comes straight back to this article 🤦♂️ any idea how to tag an actual BP person to fix it?
I don't, in any way, condone what this man did but I feel there's maybe a bigger picture here. If the daughter is still hankering after her biological dad whom she lost when she was young, something was not properly fostered in her relationship with her stepdad. And this may not have been his fault, or his fault alone. I mean, he had no issue with the kid's musical activities at first. Yet, year in and year out, her playing reminded him that she's not over her dad's death and that he'll never be enough of a dad. If their relationship was solid, this wouldn't have happened, is my feeling... Maybe intervention was needed much sooner than his horrific outburst?
I am sure her piano playing isn't just about her dad. She also has a love of music. If he is taking this personally then it shows a huge lack of maturity on his part. Of course, smashing up the piano showed that as well. Aside from that it is abusive. And if he ever hoped to have a good relationship with her, he has totally ruined it now. People who are controlling and abusive rarely ever see themselves as the problem, so I doubt intervention earlier would have helped. Edit: By the way, it is perfectly fine for her to miss her dad. It doesn't equal a rejection of a step-dad. Again, if he feels that way, that shows a lack of maturity.
Load More Replies... I'd call the cops, sue him for the money and have him pay extra in the following divorce
I'm going to guess he was fine with the piano playing until he learned it was how she connected with her dead father. Then, whenever she played, it would be a constant "you're not him" irritation. I'm not excusing him, he should be an adult who tackles such insecurities in a healthy way, but I think this explains why he had the attitude change and his weird word choice of "desperation and frustration". I don't think he's mature and secure enough to be married to a widow.
I really hope she went to the police to report the damage and divorced him. He's an abuser waiting to happen
I think he got married and his true nature showed. He obviously is one of those guys who is "the head of the house". What he says goes, including what he's doing to his stepdaughter. His father is toxic as Hell. Who lets their son smash up a new piano "out of anger". That's where he got his behavior, and it's not going to change. Run, OP, and take your poor daughter with you.
Why are you still with TAH? This is your daughter's life we are talking about. She needs to feel secure with you. I'm sure she is not too happy with him. What else will he destroy of Her's when he becomes unhappy with her again. He has already started the emotional abuse. Are you willing to let him start whaling on her when she pisses him off?
I never understood the whole “you can’t have hobbies or interests outside of school or chores because it ‘distracts’ you from doing what adults tell you what to do” mentality some parents have. And throwing a temper tantrum when the step dad, a grown man, didn’t get to sleep all day because the girl played music in another part of the house is not a good sign either. Getting rid of the piano like he did is a long and hard process for a spur of the moment “act of frustration”, sounds more like a threat of “do as I say or I will destroy your stuff.”
As a step-mom I would never have begun a relationship with my Husband if I wasn’t willing to treat my step daughter as my own. That’s the only way to do it. It causes a lot more heartbreak, but it’s the only way to do it. Would he have done that to his own kid? And if he would…I mean, in both situations he’s just shitty all around
Leave this man immediately, or child protective services should remove the child.
Sorry but that's psycho. And it's theft. The piano didn't belong to him. Might as well go into the girl's room and steal her jewelry. It's the same thing. And if took the piano from a neighbor's house and had it hacked pieces, he'd be in jail with a restraining order against his a*s because this behavior is not just criminal, it's bizarre. And a premeditated act of unchecked rage and revenge. RUUUUN!!
You can find 5 free pianos on Craigslist any day of the week. $200 to tune it. It'll make do until a true replacement can be afforded.
The next song she learns should that Tammy Wynette one, you know; D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
One guy yelled at my son once. Out he went. He said he didn't understand why his kids never wanted to see him and his 2nd divorce was because of his stepkids, who hated him. He had no idea why. Immediately tried to implement his rules. Bye bye.
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