Husband Fed Up With Doing 100% Of The Chores While Pregnant Wife Is Doing Nothing Finally Snaps
Pregnancy is a delicate time in a woman’s life that brings a myriad of changes. Even if you think you have it down, it can still be both mentally and physically tiring: everything from raging morning sickness to extreme mood swings. So having a partner who steps up and gets involved can certainly make things a bit easier.
But if you take it too far, the people who make up your support system can start feeling overwhelmed. And that’s exactly what happened to user fruitsnackk94. While working full time, the man still wanted to be a good husband. He was taking care of all of the housework by himself and assisting his pregnant wife who said she “never felt better.”
Yet, when the responsibilities started draining him out, he asked if the woman could take on a small part of the chores. To the user’s surprise, the woman got offended, saying that it “would stress her out and possibly harm the baby”. The soon-to-be dad turned to the AITA community for some guidance, so read on for his full story.
A soon-to-be dad was feeling “a little burnt out” after working 50+ hours per week and doing all of the housework by himself to support his pregnant wife
Image credits: Anastasiia Chepinska(not an actual photo)
He turned to the AITA community, wondering whether he was being unreasonable for asking his wife to take on a small portion of the chores
Image credits: Nathan Dumlao (not an actual photo)
Image credits: christopher lemercier (not an actual photo)
The user’s post amassed more than 10.2K upvotes and 2.1K comments. A vast majority of Redditors showed the author their support, determining that he’s not the bad guy in this situation. One commenter even mentioned that “the fact that she pulled ‘it would harm the baby’ … at being asked to take on even the smallest of responsibility is so manipulative.”
Many people wrote that unless it’s a high-risk pregnancy, both partners should create a plan and divide the household tasks between them. Well, fruitsnackk94 mentioned in his post that “so far it has been a fairly easy pregnancy.” This makes it look like the wife might be taking advantage of her husband’s kindness.
For most women, pregnancy is not an excuse for getting out of household chores, according to Web MD. While most tasks are perfectly safe, only a few should be taken care of either by their partner or someone else.
Expectant mothers should avoid changing the cat litter box while pregnant. As lovely as our cats may look, they might carry a parasite they can pass to soon-to-be moms: “This can cause an infection that may lead to problems with pregnancy, including miscarriage.”
When it comes to general cleaning, it’s best to keep the use of toxic chemical-based cleaning products to a bare minimum. “Some can harm your growing baby. If you’re not sure whether a product is harmful, check the label.” Web MD also advises opening doors and windows while cleaning and washing maternity clothes before wearing them since they might be coated with chemicals from the factory.
Also, picking up or carrying heavy things is important to avoid. The changes in a women’s body can make lifting more challenging, raising a greater risk of injury. “It’s not in your ‘job description’ during pregnancy. If you’ve got furniture to move—or are in the midst of a move to a new place—ask your partner, relatives, or friends for help, or hire it out.”
Of course, when a person is pregnant, they might have low energy levels that could lead to lounging around and taking it easy. However, as stated in Patient, it’s important to be physically active and have a healthy lifestyle.
“In most cases, moderate physical activity during pregnancy is safe and can have benefits for both you and your baby and should not harm either of you.” In general, it’s recommended to do a minimum of 30 minutes of physical activity daily. So performing everyday household chores is a great way to stay fit and get some needed exercise along the way.
Redditors had a lot to say and rushed to the author’s defense
Phew! I was really concerned people were going to criticize this poor guy. But yeah, he was being entirely reasonable. She was not.
Quick note on the comment about not using cleaning chemicals during pregnancy: peeps, use FFP2 filters, two at a time if needed, if you're using chemicals for cleaning. Nobody ever should breathe in say chloride vapors. Cheers.
Load More Replies...I would only agree with this selfish woman If she was having a horrible pregnancy. Sounds like shes just a lazy ass and taking advantage of her lovely husband.
A horrible pregnancy doesn't necessarily get you out of chores. I was ill all through both pregnancies (hyperemesis and other issues). I still went to work and I still did the chores. With the second one I had a toddler to look for on top of work and chores. This woman thinks she's some sort of princess to be worshipped. If she thinks a straightforward pregnancy is hard work she'll crumble when the baby is born. It's non stop chores and sleep deprivation.
Load More Replies...This lady is LAZY!!! Being active during pregnancy helps with delivery and is beneficial for mother and child as long as both Mom and baby are healthy which seems to be the case here. Mom admits that she feels great. So get off your ass and do something!!! Your husband is sacrificing his life and it's not healthy for him. I feel bad for this dad. As for the MIL, she's an enabler. Poor guy.
How is it that the guy didn't consult his own Dad or Mom? They have opinions/experiences that relate. Only the MIL is mentioned. Was FIL a guy who enabled the wife too? You tend to do what you know has been done, if it seems unlikely , you question others as common sense prevails.
Load More Replies...This woman's behaviour is incredibly offensive to women who literally work till they deliver.
This is abuse. The turning on the waterworks because you refuse to go to the store in the middle of the night for fruit snacks is abuse. I've known Zumba instructors who have Zumba-ed multiple classes a day until the month before they're due.
I want to add she's TA for also involving her mother and her mother inserting herself. I tell my parents NOTHING about my marriage as far as fights, disagreements, finances etc. It's not their business and it causes problems between you and your spouse and then your spouse and your parents. No good can come of it. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT Caveat is of course if you are in danger and need to tell them to escape. I hope that's an obvious one.
Ugh. This woman is clearly being manipulative and lazy, but I do get annoyed that whenever this comes up, people come out of the woodwork to be like, "My wife worked 110 hour weeks while 9 months pregnant with quadruplets! Pregnancy isn't a disability!" and all that. No, it's not a disability (though several conditions caused by pregnancy can be), but it is a medical condition. Again, this lady was being selfish and lazy. But there's a weird swing the opposite way that a woman growing a human being in her body, throwing up non-stop, her pelvis separated, etc. should be treated exactly the same as a normal, 20-year-old healthy athlete or something. Like, no. There is a middle ground here.
Definitely. Everybody should do as much as they can but not everybody can do the same.
Load More Replies...If this woman thinks this is how sedentary and lazy she needs to be WHILE pregnant and expect everyone to cater to her- I sure hate what kind of attitude she's going to have once her baby is born and demanding a whole new level of "work". She's going to have a rude awakening.
I was active duty military and worked right up until the day before my first child was born.
Mate I did all the chores right up until I gave birth, and I have a spinal disorder! This guy is NTA at all (not what I had first expected when I saw this article, I'll admit!)
Edit: I'm not trying to 'pregnancy brag' or put others down in any way. Ideally, I would not have been doing all 100% especially in the final trimester, but I had no choice. My point was simply that a pregnant person is capable of a heck of a lot, so splitting chores is not only feasible it should be done (unless the pregnancy is difficult, bed rest is ordered, or other mitigating factors)
Load More Replies...He might wanna get snipped and not have any more babies with this cow
Ha! Two can play at this game. Dig deep in researching brain development and body health. If she is aware that stress can biologically change even a fetus, she should also be aware that food and inactivity can as well. If she wants to make taking care of the fetus her only role, she needs to eat only healthy foods, exercise etc.
She should also be sensitive to the stress her husband is experiencing. But no, only she matters, therefore she's a selfish, spoiled, entitled, pain in the azz B!#@H.
Load More Replies...I'm really sorry that he is finding this out about his wife during a pregnancy because it means they are going to add a child custody argument to the rest of the divorce proceedings.
So apparently this story is from 11 months ago. Looking on reddit I sadly can't seem to find a resolution of things. Too bad. I wanted to know what happened.
She's a prima donna. Though I was on the other end of the spectrum, afraid to ask my husband for help when I was pregnant with twins and it was painful to stand for longer then 5 minutes... I was still out grocery shopping 🤦. And it wasn't because he WOULDN'T, I just didn't want to be a "lazy wife". I did take advantage and make him to the cat litter box, I milked that one for as long as I could.
Sadly, the amount of red flags she’s giving right now are far beyond just AH. She will use this pregnancy, the baby/child and anything else as a means to manipulate this man for as long as she can. I feel sorry for the husband and the unborn baby being brought into this world by this horrid woman.
Wow you want to give my husband some lessons because he helped me zero during and after. He would.have straight up told her get up and go get them you lazy ass
NTA. You're being used as a slavemule. Your partner is a VERY lazy, entitled, self absorbed woman. I'd honestly be considering splitting up before the birth and going for 50/50 custody, because this behavior will only get worse once the child is born, and the child may face neglect/abuse from her in the future if she's this self absorbed and self important. MIL will be no help, she's clearly on her daughter's lazy side. Your partner is also lying to you/gaslighting you/guilt blackmailing you that chores will cause damage to the baby. Women in china birth in rice paddies, pick the kid up and go back to work (not condoning, just showing how damn tough women can be) so her reason for not doing chores is absolute manipulation. She doesn't care its affecting your health or even that you don't get enough sleep. Tell her to shape up, or ship out. You're not here to be her slave.
I was 40 when pregnant for the first time. I chopped wood for the cooker and heating, I fed smallholding animals, did all the housework in a 12-room stone house, fed pets and even worked to month 6. With the second child (at 42) I did all this and carried second child on my front and sometimes first child on my back going uphill 10 minutes to the house (halfway up a mountainside with no road). I had no car, just the bus. No pushchair. I had two extremely healthy pregnancies and good births without painkillers. This woman is taking her husband for a ride, and it won't stop with the birth - he'll be doing the night feeds and changes on top of everything else. I think they need to have a serious chat.
Poor guy. He's married a jerk and for some reason decided to knock her up. I'm 33 weeks pregnant right now, high risk and I'm doing a full time job and a third of the home chores, hubby does the other two thirds since I'm getting a bit tired now and he works full time too. You chose your wife really wrong, sweetheart, I'm so sorry for you.
Poor guy :-D I've been pregnant three times, first time I've been working till 30 weeks pregnnat and after the first kid, I always had to take care of the older kid, than two kids.....sure after reaching the final week, I wasn't actually picking up things from the floor :-D and many more was waiting for my man, to do instead of me. But when needed, I could do anything. Pregnancy, if healthy and not risky, really isn't an illness ;) His woman is quite spoiled. :-D
I really don't like people who treat pregnancy like an illness, as long as it's not a high-risk one. I've been pregnant too last year and was more than happy to keep doing those chores which didn't include heavy lifting or stepping on a ladder (or touching cat litter bc of toxoplasmosis). Of course some adjustments need to be made, but you can't except your partner to do everything. Especially if it's not a life-or-death situation, like a craving at night. Put on your shoes and get your snack yourself, lady.
Sounds like she get it from her mother because her mother's texting him he's an a******. She wrong and good for you for finally saying no. And her mother can come do her share. And to know her pregnancy is normal.
She kicked you out of the bedroom … go stay in a motel for a bit…. Just long enough for her to have to deal with some cooking and laundry.
YES! And get some very well deserved sleep! (maybe watch some porn while he's at it to, you know, Relax!!!!)
Load More Replies...My water broke while I was sitting in my office chair at work. I can't imagine just sitting around doing nothing the whole pregnancy (unless you are high risk and are unable). I feel bad for him because this is the easy part. Just wait till they have a newborn.
Probably going through a divorce and raising the child on his own.
Load More Replies...I worked till three weeks before my due date, did the housework and cooking till I went into labor. I did grocery shopping the morning I started labor as the store was behind our backyard, so my husband would have food. What the heck was she worried about. I’m sure I’m not the only one, I’d say eighty percent of mothers do this.
I cook almost every meal right up to and even right after coming home from childbirth. She's just using him. No other reason. A narcisist.
Load More Replies...The OP's wife is being precious and manipulative. He's definitely NTA and I hope this is some hormonal crazy she outgrows. That said, this reminds me of my first pregnancy. I was a self-sufficient woman even 36 years ago. I had an easy pregnancy but one evening got a fierce craving for a hot fudge sundae. I whined about it until hubby left home for my favorite Baskin Robbins, which had closed by the time he got there. Not wanting to disappoint me the big guy banged on the window. The person inside tried to ignore him. He kept adding twenty-dollar bills against the window as a bribe until the person cleaning up acquiesced. Finally, the person opened up and made the sundae with a $60 tip. That was the best sundae ever. I never had another craving, I think in part because I didn't need to. My sweetheart showed me the lengths he would go to make me happy. That's all I needed.
Wow.. you are pregnant not almost death. Unless you have a really bad pregnancy or the doctor says you need bed rest, you still can do things. Yes, it's nice when someone takes care of you, yes, some things are not good to do for you and yes you should rest but come on. I did my whole pregnancy alone and I still survived and my child survived too.
Ah, what a lovely time to find out you're married to a manipulative, selfish b*tch and need a divorce asap. Too bad he ignored the red flags before knocking her up (he admits she acted like this before). Now he brought another human into this mess.
Let's see here....with my mother's first child, she kept going to school until he was born, then she KEPT GOING TO SCHOOL, going to the nurse's office every so often to pump. For her second child (me), she finished her freshman year of college and then lived with my grandparents full-time until my dad was able to come and get us so we could move out. Third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc. she kept doing housework, often until just a few days before my siblings made their grand debut. For the more high-risk pregnancies, such as the 10th and 11th, she was literally making chicken coops on our driveway. Nah, this lady's lazy and manipulative.
Yeah, she should be able to help out. The only thing that would prevent her from moving is approval from a doctor if she even has complications. Just imagine if they decide to have another kid and he's still working away from home and if she decides to stay at home she'll have no choice but to actually take responsibility and contribute to the household. Moving around during pregnancy isn't harmful, it's kind of pretty helpful. There be lasses that even go out with doc approved exercises (keeps muscles strong). Being dormant in bed can kind of make muscles and even bone tissue atrophied. 6 months is a looong time to be sitting on your butt.
If her pregnancy is as smooth as you're told it is, then she's 100% using it to pressure you to pamper her. Also, using your reluctance to run to the store for the 100th time to satisfy her craving in the middle of the night as a basis to doubt your fatherly skills is absolute blackmail and a horrible thing to do. If things were the other way around with her doing everything and you going nothing, people would be losing their minds. OP, something needs to change because if they don't, once that baby gets here, everythings going to be a thousand times worse.
This guy is going to have a severe stroke before he's 35 at this rate, and then she's going to really have to depend on her mother (who clearly thinks her daughter can do no wrong). Seriously, if she wants a healthy blood flow to her baby, she needs to get her own heart pumping more than what it takes to play on her phone all day. This couple is headed for a seriously bad future, and the MIL is just an absolute bitch for getting involved yet not telling her daughter to suck it up.
She’s only just over halfway in her pregnancy, she’s not been instructed to be on medical bed rest etc? I worked 10-12 hour days when pregnant with my third, with two others aged 3 and 6. My husband helped out a lot, but I never demanded anything of him. I feel so sorry for this dad to be, if his wife is “so exhausted” before she’s even had the baby!
Back in the dark ages when I was taking horseback riding lessons, I had a friend who was pregnant with twins who kept riding until she literally could not climb up on the horse. Kids turned out just fine.
NTA. I worked right up until my water broke. Pregnant women are not delicate, fragile snowflakes. Unless your wife was on strict medical bedrest for preeclampsia or placenta previa which are both serious medical conditions requiring mom-to-be to be as still as possible for her and baby's well being, then she can take her pregnant butt to the store to buy her own fruit snacks. OP needs marital counselling followed by a divorce attorney because I don't see this marriage lasting at all.
He will find out how much more he will be doing after their baby is born.
She is way more than lazy. She is selfish. She wants hard ship. She should get stuck in the snow on a street the city refused to plow. I had to dig my car out before I could get to work.
What? Vacuuming and doing dishes harms a baby?? I watched a documentary of women planting rice fields and one went into labor, stopped to have the baby, and then came back the next day to help finish. If she is talking litter box...yeah that is not good. She sounds like she wants to be a princess, not a mom or wife.
I worked until the day before I was induced. I also did chores and exercised. There are women who have to do manual labor while pregnant for crying out loud. Unless bedrest is ordered by a doctor, there is no reason for this man's wife to be that lazy and put him through so much stress!
Def NTA. I was put on bedrest with #1 and I had my husband bring me laundry so i could fold it and tried my damndest to keep the stress off my husband. Then when baby was born I was the one up all night so he could sleep. With #2- I was in college and had a toddler. Yeah, she'll be fine with keeping the house clean. God, I wonder what she'll be like AFTER the baby gets there?
Not that I can defend her completely . . . but . . . I am sure she will be working, cleaning and caring for child the rest of her life and hubby will wash his hands of this when the baby is born. He will do menial tasks thinking he is helping, but never enough. I know he's not an a** but he made this choice and now doesn't like it. They need a conference and spell out EXACTLY what they can each do. Sorry, I will side with the woman every time a child is involved. Women have to. Men do what they choose to.
Absolutely NTA!!! As a woman who worked almost every single day of both my pregnancies (the first being a custodial job, the second working year-round layaway at a store that no longer exists) i can honestly say if her doctor didn't put her on bed rest, she can do minimal chores around the house. It does not sound like she's high risk at all, and i personally could have been, but i continued to work almost till the day i gave birth which i think really helped in the long run with having a super quick and easy labor. My Dr never advised against it, as long as i wasn't doing extreme labor and actually encouraged me to continue to be active. OP should deff reevaluate the relationship if this kind of behavior continues....i personally just don't feel like she'll be pulling her weight through the hard times if she can't compromise during these times. It sounds like he's got it pretty rough and i hope everything works out for the best, but this could definitely be a big red flag...
Well the mother-in-law answered the whole question for me. She obviously has raised her daughter that pregnant women are too delicate to lift a broom and must be coddled every minute or it might harm the baby. Obviously mom was born in a manor in the 17th century. I'm curious as to how the girl-child is going to handle having a baby. I hope she grows up really quickly.
NTA. I’m 29 weeks along and moving across the country. Iv not had an easy pregnancy so far but I make attainable goals everyday and try to reach them. My husband is convinced I’m doing too much but staying active feels great and working as a team to get things done (due to my limitations) has only strengthened us as a couple. Being a good prenatal unit is about working together, being compassionate, understanding, and willing to compromise.
She is taking advantage of her pregnancy to manipulate the OP. Kind of dangerous to make him go outside in the middle of the night just for some fruit snacks.
My BIL did almost all the household chores while my sister was pregnant the first time. But she had hyperemesis gravidarum and was basically either barfing or thinking about barfing for nine months. Even so, she managed to work her full time job except when she was hospitalized. If his wife was like this or on bed rest, then yes, he should be doing everything. For a normal pregnancy, he should be doing a bit extra but she is perfectly capable of doing housework. I get the feeling he will be doing all the housework and most of the baby are in the future.
Pregnant women are smug Everyone knows it, nobody says it Because they’re pregnant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbTB3ASkdOo
At 24 weeks pregnancy I had just started my medical leave. With twins I was "forced" to take it easy. So used all morning to do the dishes and start ar batch of laundry, and take a nap. Then I made dinner, and took a nap. And organized buying a flat with room for the four of us, negotiating with the bank, managing the renovation (but not doing it myself), and generally doing stuff. It must be added that I had only one night in the new flat before my water broke, but I had reached 37+3 and felt ready.
NTA especially if she's feeling well and the doctor said there are no complications. She can do simple things like washing the dishes or cleaning around the house. Not moving during pregnancy will make it harder for her when she's about to pop. I moved a lot and told my ex not to baby me during my pregnancy if there are no health issues. I turned out fine and had a fairly easy labor. It even helped me better to adjust when the baby came as I didn't feel tired easily. Got back in shape real fast too.
I did martial arts up until my 7th month with my first pregnancy (obviously, no sparing, just forms). I had a one-year old and a deployed husband during the second pregnancy, during which I also had to move houses because it was during the housing bubble burst. I was finishing my masters degree and teaching high school during the first pregnancy. Have this woman call me. I'd be happy to explain to her how delicate a woman is while pregnant. 🤬🙄
The teaching thing was during the third. That was a grammar error.
Load More Replies...I am currently in my second trimester and I can say you are NTA. I do 90% of the chores currently while I wait for my job to start at which time I will be working full time till I cant anymore. The only thing I ask of my partner is to lift heavy things as my doctor told me not to. My partner is also working full time so I find it unfair to ask him to do chores other then basic s**t. Your wife is being a spoiled selfish creature. I also dont think it’s healthy for her not to do stuff and to be in bed all day unless doctor told her to. You should talk to the doctor next visit and have the doctor give her a reality check. Sounds like you need to stand your ground and make her realize shes being selfish and it’s not fair to you.
that wife is a Karen and a b****. my advice? take th baby and RUN
NTA but probably you have put yourself in this position yourself. I can imagine how much of a caring and nurturing and sweet man you are. Probably, because of loving and caring feelings, you offered her to help and put her to rest in the beginning of the pregnancy. And she is now used to you caring for her and doing everything else in the house. Now, you notice you get a little burnt out and ask her to do more stuff. That offends her now. It is like giving a monkey 2 bananas and one day you give only one. And her hormones is reigning over her reactions, so she is not reasonable. Where two dogs fight, two is to take the blame. She still is the a-hole of course, she could have been more empathetic towards you, but ... some women with hormones can be really outragious. Just put some boundaries to save your own sanity and with the wife...just sit it out. When the baby arrives the hormones will diminish and she will get her senses back.
He's not the a**hole here but I can't say I blame her either lol. 9 times out of 10 we end up with a guy that won't do s**t to help (and barely work) unless we're not able to for some reason. Women are expected to work, clean, raise the kids, and raise the husband. When we complain it's all "yeah, men suck" then they whine about man bashing..
My pregnancy was hell on earth and I was pretty bed bound. Why does Bored Panda have so many anti-woman posts, btw? This is supposed to be a light, fun, interesting site. Instead every other post is about how much women suck. It's boring and a drag. Find something else to talk about.
You must be picking the wrong posts to read, cause no way is "every other post" about women who suck. Or maybe you're just projecting.
Load More Replies...In Europe, women dont work all the time during the pregnancy, they can have a paid leave since 5-6 month into pregnancy, what wrong with you saying a pregnant woman should work until she delivers the baby?!
In what europe? Because most european pregnant women that I know never took any leave until the last month or so unless there was a health reason. Or worse, they are forced to work. My best friend had a terrible miscarriage and needed to go to the hopsotal for surgery and didnt even get a sick leave because its seen as a "mere abortion".
Load More Replies...This is a catch 22, damned if you do, damned if you don't, I think it's quite toxic for woman to act as though they are in some form disabled because of pregnancy and need everything done for them but it's also some what toxic to compare pregnancies and state "I worked up until giving birth", every woman is going to experience pregnancy differently, relationships and parenthood should be about balance and compromise, there will be days when mum to be can manage everything with her hands tied behind her back and days when she can barely summon the energy to lift a finger, likewise for dad to be, I think both parties need to meet in the middle and work it out as they go.
Except both the wife and doctor said it was an easy pregnancy. I was high risk and I still worked and did house chores up until the week before I gave birth....she can get you but up and do the laundry and dishes. It won't hurt her or the baby....
Load More Replies...He's been doing ALL the chores. That includes cooking, cleaning, shopping, working for money, and probably tending to the yard. He hasn't been just "running a house". He's been doing a bunch of extra work aswell.
Load More Replies...How the tables have turned. And no, they have not- she is lazy and taking advantage of her husband. Anyone doing this is wrong.
Load More Replies...That kind of attitude is the problem. She seems to feel very well, so there is no reason for acting so entitled. He is her husband, not her servant. First time with a baby will be stressful and exhausting for both of them so he also needs to keep some energy.
Load More Replies...Phew! I was really concerned people were going to criticize this poor guy. But yeah, he was being entirely reasonable. She was not.
Quick note on the comment about not using cleaning chemicals during pregnancy: peeps, use FFP2 filters, two at a time if needed, if you're using chemicals for cleaning. Nobody ever should breathe in say chloride vapors. Cheers.
Load More Replies...I would only agree with this selfish woman If she was having a horrible pregnancy. Sounds like shes just a lazy ass and taking advantage of her lovely husband.
A horrible pregnancy doesn't necessarily get you out of chores. I was ill all through both pregnancies (hyperemesis and other issues). I still went to work and I still did the chores. With the second one I had a toddler to look for on top of work and chores. This woman thinks she's some sort of princess to be worshipped. If she thinks a straightforward pregnancy is hard work she'll crumble when the baby is born. It's non stop chores and sleep deprivation.
Load More Replies...This lady is LAZY!!! Being active during pregnancy helps with delivery and is beneficial for mother and child as long as both Mom and baby are healthy which seems to be the case here. Mom admits that she feels great. So get off your ass and do something!!! Your husband is sacrificing his life and it's not healthy for him. I feel bad for this dad. As for the MIL, she's an enabler. Poor guy.
How is it that the guy didn't consult his own Dad or Mom? They have opinions/experiences that relate. Only the MIL is mentioned. Was FIL a guy who enabled the wife too? You tend to do what you know has been done, if it seems unlikely , you question others as common sense prevails.
Load More Replies...This woman's behaviour is incredibly offensive to women who literally work till they deliver.
This is abuse. The turning on the waterworks because you refuse to go to the store in the middle of the night for fruit snacks is abuse. I've known Zumba instructors who have Zumba-ed multiple classes a day until the month before they're due.
I want to add she's TA for also involving her mother and her mother inserting herself. I tell my parents NOTHING about my marriage as far as fights, disagreements, finances etc. It's not their business and it causes problems between you and your spouse and then your spouse and your parents. No good can come of it. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT Caveat is of course if you are in danger and need to tell them to escape. I hope that's an obvious one.
Ugh. This woman is clearly being manipulative and lazy, but I do get annoyed that whenever this comes up, people come out of the woodwork to be like, "My wife worked 110 hour weeks while 9 months pregnant with quadruplets! Pregnancy isn't a disability!" and all that. No, it's not a disability (though several conditions caused by pregnancy can be), but it is a medical condition. Again, this lady was being selfish and lazy. But there's a weird swing the opposite way that a woman growing a human being in her body, throwing up non-stop, her pelvis separated, etc. should be treated exactly the same as a normal, 20-year-old healthy athlete or something. Like, no. There is a middle ground here.
Definitely. Everybody should do as much as they can but not everybody can do the same.
Load More Replies...If this woman thinks this is how sedentary and lazy she needs to be WHILE pregnant and expect everyone to cater to her- I sure hate what kind of attitude she's going to have once her baby is born and demanding a whole new level of "work". She's going to have a rude awakening.
I was active duty military and worked right up until the day before my first child was born.
Mate I did all the chores right up until I gave birth, and I have a spinal disorder! This guy is NTA at all (not what I had first expected when I saw this article, I'll admit!)
Edit: I'm not trying to 'pregnancy brag' or put others down in any way. Ideally, I would not have been doing all 100% especially in the final trimester, but I had no choice. My point was simply that a pregnant person is capable of a heck of a lot, so splitting chores is not only feasible it should be done (unless the pregnancy is difficult, bed rest is ordered, or other mitigating factors)
Load More Replies...He might wanna get snipped and not have any more babies with this cow
Ha! Two can play at this game. Dig deep in researching brain development and body health. If she is aware that stress can biologically change even a fetus, she should also be aware that food and inactivity can as well. If she wants to make taking care of the fetus her only role, she needs to eat only healthy foods, exercise etc.
She should also be sensitive to the stress her husband is experiencing. But no, only she matters, therefore she's a selfish, spoiled, entitled, pain in the azz B!#@H.
Load More Replies...I'm really sorry that he is finding this out about his wife during a pregnancy because it means they are going to add a child custody argument to the rest of the divorce proceedings.
So apparently this story is from 11 months ago. Looking on reddit I sadly can't seem to find a resolution of things. Too bad. I wanted to know what happened.
She's a prima donna. Though I was on the other end of the spectrum, afraid to ask my husband for help when I was pregnant with twins and it was painful to stand for longer then 5 minutes... I was still out grocery shopping 🤦. And it wasn't because he WOULDN'T, I just didn't want to be a "lazy wife". I did take advantage and make him to the cat litter box, I milked that one for as long as I could.
Sadly, the amount of red flags she’s giving right now are far beyond just AH. She will use this pregnancy, the baby/child and anything else as a means to manipulate this man for as long as she can. I feel sorry for the husband and the unborn baby being brought into this world by this horrid woman.
Wow you want to give my husband some lessons because he helped me zero during and after. He would.have straight up told her get up and go get them you lazy ass
NTA. You're being used as a slavemule. Your partner is a VERY lazy, entitled, self absorbed woman. I'd honestly be considering splitting up before the birth and going for 50/50 custody, because this behavior will only get worse once the child is born, and the child may face neglect/abuse from her in the future if she's this self absorbed and self important. MIL will be no help, she's clearly on her daughter's lazy side. Your partner is also lying to you/gaslighting you/guilt blackmailing you that chores will cause damage to the baby. Women in china birth in rice paddies, pick the kid up and go back to work (not condoning, just showing how damn tough women can be) so her reason for not doing chores is absolute manipulation. She doesn't care its affecting your health or even that you don't get enough sleep. Tell her to shape up, or ship out. You're not here to be her slave.
I was 40 when pregnant for the first time. I chopped wood for the cooker and heating, I fed smallholding animals, did all the housework in a 12-room stone house, fed pets and even worked to month 6. With the second child (at 42) I did all this and carried second child on my front and sometimes first child on my back going uphill 10 minutes to the house (halfway up a mountainside with no road). I had no car, just the bus. No pushchair. I had two extremely healthy pregnancies and good births without painkillers. This woman is taking her husband for a ride, and it won't stop with the birth - he'll be doing the night feeds and changes on top of everything else. I think they need to have a serious chat.
Poor guy. He's married a jerk and for some reason decided to knock her up. I'm 33 weeks pregnant right now, high risk and I'm doing a full time job and a third of the home chores, hubby does the other two thirds since I'm getting a bit tired now and he works full time too. You chose your wife really wrong, sweetheart, I'm so sorry for you.
Poor guy :-D I've been pregnant three times, first time I've been working till 30 weeks pregnnat and after the first kid, I always had to take care of the older kid, than two kids.....sure after reaching the final week, I wasn't actually picking up things from the floor :-D and many more was waiting for my man, to do instead of me. But when needed, I could do anything. Pregnancy, if healthy and not risky, really isn't an illness ;) His woman is quite spoiled. :-D
I really don't like people who treat pregnancy like an illness, as long as it's not a high-risk one. I've been pregnant too last year and was more than happy to keep doing those chores which didn't include heavy lifting or stepping on a ladder (or touching cat litter bc of toxoplasmosis). Of course some adjustments need to be made, but you can't except your partner to do everything. Especially if it's not a life-or-death situation, like a craving at night. Put on your shoes and get your snack yourself, lady.
Sounds like she get it from her mother because her mother's texting him he's an a******. She wrong and good for you for finally saying no. And her mother can come do her share. And to know her pregnancy is normal.
She kicked you out of the bedroom … go stay in a motel for a bit…. Just long enough for her to have to deal with some cooking and laundry.
YES! And get some very well deserved sleep! (maybe watch some porn while he's at it to, you know, Relax!!!!)
Load More Replies...My water broke while I was sitting in my office chair at work. I can't imagine just sitting around doing nothing the whole pregnancy (unless you are high risk and are unable). I feel bad for him because this is the easy part. Just wait till they have a newborn.
Probably going through a divorce and raising the child on his own.
Load More Replies...I worked till three weeks before my due date, did the housework and cooking till I went into labor. I did grocery shopping the morning I started labor as the store was behind our backyard, so my husband would have food. What the heck was she worried about. I’m sure I’m not the only one, I’d say eighty percent of mothers do this.
I cook almost every meal right up to and even right after coming home from childbirth. She's just using him. No other reason. A narcisist.
Load More Replies...The OP's wife is being precious and manipulative. He's definitely NTA and I hope this is some hormonal crazy she outgrows. That said, this reminds me of my first pregnancy. I was a self-sufficient woman even 36 years ago. I had an easy pregnancy but one evening got a fierce craving for a hot fudge sundae. I whined about it until hubby left home for my favorite Baskin Robbins, which had closed by the time he got there. Not wanting to disappoint me the big guy banged on the window. The person inside tried to ignore him. He kept adding twenty-dollar bills against the window as a bribe until the person cleaning up acquiesced. Finally, the person opened up and made the sundae with a $60 tip. That was the best sundae ever. I never had another craving, I think in part because I didn't need to. My sweetheart showed me the lengths he would go to make me happy. That's all I needed.
Wow.. you are pregnant not almost death. Unless you have a really bad pregnancy or the doctor says you need bed rest, you still can do things. Yes, it's nice when someone takes care of you, yes, some things are not good to do for you and yes you should rest but come on. I did my whole pregnancy alone and I still survived and my child survived too.
Ah, what a lovely time to find out you're married to a manipulative, selfish b*tch and need a divorce asap. Too bad he ignored the red flags before knocking her up (he admits she acted like this before). Now he brought another human into this mess.
Let's see here....with my mother's first child, she kept going to school until he was born, then she KEPT GOING TO SCHOOL, going to the nurse's office every so often to pump. For her second child (me), she finished her freshman year of college and then lived with my grandparents full-time until my dad was able to come and get us so we could move out. Third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc. she kept doing housework, often until just a few days before my siblings made their grand debut. For the more high-risk pregnancies, such as the 10th and 11th, she was literally making chicken coops on our driveway. Nah, this lady's lazy and manipulative.
Yeah, she should be able to help out. The only thing that would prevent her from moving is approval from a doctor if she even has complications. Just imagine if they decide to have another kid and he's still working away from home and if she decides to stay at home she'll have no choice but to actually take responsibility and contribute to the household. Moving around during pregnancy isn't harmful, it's kind of pretty helpful. There be lasses that even go out with doc approved exercises (keeps muscles strong). Being dormant in bed can kind of make muscles and even bone tissue atrophied. 6 months is a looong time to be sitting on your butt.
If her pregnancy is as smooth as you're told it is, then she's 100% using it to pressure you to pamper her. Also, using your reluctance to run to the store for the 100th time to satisfy her craving in the middle of the night as a basis to doubt your fatherly skills is absolute blackmail and a horrible thing to do. If things were the other way around with her doing everything and you going nothing, people would be losing their minds. OP, something needs to change because if they don't, once that baby gets here, everythings going to be a thousand times worse.
This guy is going to have a severe stroke before he's 35 at this rate, and then she's going to really have to depend on her mother (who clearly thinks her daughter can do no wrong). Seriously, if she wants a healthy blood flow to her baby, she needs to get her own heart pumping more than what it takes to play on her phone all day. This couple is headed for a seriously bad future, and the MIL is just an absolute bitch for getting involved yet not telling her daughter to suck it up.
She’s only just over halfway in her pregnancy, she’s not been instructed to be on medical bed rest etc? I worked 10-12 hour days when pregnant with my third, with two others aged 3 and 6. My husband helped out a lot, but I never demanded anything of him. I feel so sorry for this dad to be, if his wife is “so exhausted” before she’s even had the baby!
Back in the dark ages when I was taking horseback riding lessons, I had a friend who was pregnant with twins who kept riding until she literally could not climb up on the horse. Kids turned out just fine.
NTA. I worked right up until my water broke. Pregnant women are not delicate, fragile snowflakes. Unless your wife was on strict medical bedrest for preeclampsia or placenta previa which are both serious medical conditions requiring mom-to-be to be as still as possible for her and baby's well being, then she can take her pregnant butt to the store to buy her own fruit snacks. OP needs marital counselling followed by a divorce attorney because I don't see this marriage lasting at all.
He will find out how much more he will be doing after their baby is born.
She is way more than lazy. She is selfish. She wants hard ship. She should get stuck in the snow on a street the city refused to plow. I had to dig my car out before I could get to work.
What? Vacuuming and doing dishes harms a baby?? I watched a documentary of women planting rice fields and one went into labor, stopped to have the baby, and then came back the next day to help finish. If she is talking litter box...yeah that is not good. She sounds like she wants to be a princess, not a mom or wife.
I worked until the day before I was induced. I also did chores and exercised. There are women who have to do manual labor while pregnant for crying out loud. Unless bedrest is ordered by a doctor, there is no reason for this man's wife to be that lazy and put him through so much stress!
Def NTA. I was put on bedrest with #1 and I had my husband bring me laundry so i could fold it and tried my damndest to keep the stress off my husband. Then when baby was born I was the one up all night so he could sleep. With #2- I was in college and had a toddler. Yeah, she'll be fine with keeping the house clean. God, I wonder what she'll be like AFTER the baby gets there?
Not that I can defend her completely . . . but . . . I am sure she will be working, cleaning and caring for child the rest of her life and hubby will wash his hands of this when the baby is born. He will do menial tasks thinking he is helping, but never enough. I know he's not an a** but he made this choice and now doesn't like it. They need a conference and spell out EXACTLY what they can each do. Sorry, I will side with the woman every time a child is involved. Women have to. Men do what they choose to.
Absolutely NTA!!! As a woman who worked almost every single day of both my pregnancies (the first being a custodial job, the second working year-round layaway at a store that no longer exists) i can honestly say if her doctor didn't put her on bed rest, she can do minimal chores around the house. It does not sound like she's high risk at all, and i personally could have been, but i continued to work almost till the day i gave birth which i think really helped in the long run with having a super quick and easy labor. My Dr never advised against it, as long as i wasn't doing extreme labor and actually encouraged me to continue to be active. OP should deff reevaluate the relationship if this kind of behavior continues....i personally just don't feel like she'll be pulling her weight through the hard times if she can't compromise during these times. It sounds like he's got it pretty rough and i hope everything works out for the best, but this could definitely be a big red flag...
Well the mother-in-law answered the whole question for me. She obviously has raised her daughter that pregnant women are too delicate to lift a broom and must be coddled every minute or it might harm the baby. Obviously mom was born in a manor in the 17th century. I'm curious as to how the girl-child is going to handle having a baby. I hope she grows up really quickly.
NTA. I’m 29 weeks along and moving across the country. Iv not had an easy pregnancy so far but I make attainable goals everyday and try to reach them. My husband is convinced I’m doing too much but staying active feels great and working as a team to get things done (due to my limitations) has only strengthened us as a couple. Being a good prenatal unit is about working together, being compassionate, understanding, and willing to compromise.
She is taking advantage of her pregnancy to manipulate the OP. Kind of dangerous to make him go outside in the middle of the night just for some fruit snacks.
My BIL did almost all the household chores while my sister was pregnant the first time. But she had hyperemesis gravidarum and was basically either barfing or thinking about barfing for nine months. Even so, she managed to work her full time job except when she was hospitalized. If his wife was like this or on bed rest, then yes, he should be doing everything. For a normal pregnancy, he should be doing a bit extra but she is perfectly capable of doing housework. I get the feeling he will be doing all the housework and most of the baby are in the future.
Pregnant women are smug Everyone knows it, nobody says it Because they’re pregnant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbTB3ASkdOo
At 24 weeks pregnancy I had just started my medical leave. With twins I was "forced" to take it easy. So used all morning to do the dishes and start ar batch of laundry, and take a nap. Then I made dinner, and took a nap. And organized buying a flat with room for the four of us, negotiating with the bank, managing the renovation (but not doing it myself), and generally doing stuff. It must be added that I had only one night in the new flat before my water broke, but I had reached 37+3 and felt ready.
NTA especially if she's feeling well and the doctor said there are no complications. She can do simple things like washing the dishes or cleaning around the house. Not moving during pregnancy will make it harder for her when she's about to pop. I moved a lot and told my ex not to baby me during my pregnancy if there are no health issues. I turned out fine and had a fairly easy labor. It even helped me better to adjust when the baby came as I didn't feel tired easily. Got back in shape real fast too.
I did martial arts up until my 7th month with my first pregnancy (obviously, no sparing, just forms). I had a one-year old and a deployed husband during the second pregnancy, during which I also had to move houses because it was during the housing bubble burst. I was finishing my masters degree and teaching high school during the first pregnancy. Have this woman call me. I'd be happy to explain to her how delicate a woman is while pregnant. 🤬🙄
The teaching thing was during the third. That was a grammar error.
Load More Replies...I am currently in my second trimester and I can say you are NTA. I do 90% of the chores currently while I wait for my job to start at which time I will be working full time till I cant anymore. The only thing I ask of my partner is to lift heavy things as my doctor told me not to. My partner is also working full time so I find it unfair to ask him to do chores other then basic s**t. Your wife is being a spoiled selfish creature. I also dont think it’s healthy for her not to do stuff and to be in bed all day unless doctor told her to. You should talk to the doctor next visit and have the doctor give her a reality check. Sounds like you need to stand your ground and make her realize shes being selfish and it’s not fair to you.
that wife is a Karen and a b****. my advice? take th baby and RUN
NTA but probably you have put yourself in this position yourself. I can imagine how much of a caring and nurturing and sweet man you are. Probably, because of loving and caring feelings, you offered her to help and put her to rest in the beginning of the pregnancy. And she is now used to you caring for her and doing everything else in the house. Now, you notice you get a little burnt out and ask her to do more stuff. That offends her now. It is like giving a monkey 2 bananas and one day you give only one. And her hormones is reigning over her reactions, so she is not reasonable. Where two dogs fight, two is to take the blame. She still is the a-hole of course, she could have been more empathetic towards you, but ... some women with hormones can be really outragious. Just put some boundaries to save your own sanity and with the wife...just sit it out. When the baby arrives the hormones will diminish and she will get her senses back.
He's not the a**hole here but I can't say I blame her either lol. 9 times out of 10 we end up with a guy that won't do s**t to help (and barely work) unless we're not able to for some reason. Women are expected to work, clean, raise the kids, and raise the husband. When we complain it's all "yeah, men suck" then they whine about man bashing..
My pregnancy was hell on earth and I was pretty bed bound. Why does Bored Panda have so many anti-woman posts, btw? This is supposed to be a light, fun, interesting site. Instead every other post is about how much women suck. It's boring and a drag. Find something else to talk about.
You must be picking the wrong posts to read, cause no way is "every other post" about women who suck. Or maybe you're just projecting.
Load More Replies...In Europe, women dont work all the time during the pregnancy, they can have a paid leave since 5-6 month into pregnancy, what wrong with you saying a pregnant woman should work until she delivers the baby?!
In what europe? Because most european pregnant women that I know never took any leave until the last month or so unless there was a health reason. Or worse, they are forced to work. My best friend had a terrible miscarriage and needed to go to the hopsotal for surgery and didnt even get a sick leave because its seen as a "mere abortion".
Load More Replies...This is a catch 22, damned if you do, damned if you don't, I think it's quite toxic for woman to act as though they are in some form disabled because of pregnancy and need everything done for them but it's also some what toxic to compare pregnancies and state "I worked up until giving birth", every woman is going to experience pregnancy differently, relationships and parenthood should be about balance and compromise, there will be days when mum to be can manage everything with her hands tied behind her back and days when she can barely summon the energy to lift a finger, likewise for dad to be, I think both parties need to meet in the middle and work it out as they go.
Except both the wife and doctor said it was an easy pregnancy. I was high risk and I still worked and did house chores up until the week before I gave birth....she can get you but up and do the laundry and dishes. It won't hurt her or the baby....
Load More Replies...He's been doing ALL the chores. That includes cooking, cleaning, shopping, working for money, and probably tending to the yard. He hasn't been just "running a house". He's been doing a bunch of extra work aswell.
Load More Replies...How the tables have turned. And no, they have not- she is lazy and taking advantage of her husband. Anyone doing this is wrong.
Load More Replies...That kind of attitude is the problem. She seems to feel very well, so there is no reason for acting so entitled. He is her husband, not her servant. First time with a baby will be stressful and exhausting for both of them so he also needs to keep some energy.
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