Husbands Nags His Wife And Mom Of 3 For Not Taking Care Of Her Looks Until She Blows Up During Family Dinner And Puts Him In His Place
A recent Gallup poll found that among women, non-employed moms of young children are more likely to report anger and sadness, and they are also more likely to have been diagnosed with depression than their employed counterparts. So as if being a SAHM raising kids and juggling responsibilities wasn’t enough of a challenge already, the lack of support from your loved one may take the strain to a whole new level.
This story comes from “a SAHM taking care of our home and our 3 kids (5 yrs, 3 yrs, 6 months),” who described her husband as “the breadwinner.” In a brutally honest post on r/AITA, the woman shared how lately he has been “complaining about me not taking care of myself/looks and being always busy with chores and whatnot.”
The tension escalated even further as the two were attending family dinner. Not only did the guy start openly criticizing her current look in front of everyone, he also called her “unladylike,” and this is when the author blew up.
In a brutally honest post, the mom of 3 has shared how her husband has been constantly criticising her for not taking care of her looks
Image credits: LumiNola (not the actual photo)
As he went all in, calling her “unladylike” in front of the whole family, the author couldn’t take it any more and blew up
Recent research has found stay-at-home moms are much more likely to become depressed than their working counterparts. The study discovered that 28 percent of stay-at-home moms reported depression a lot of the day when asked how they were feeling the day before, but only 17 percent of employed moms did.
The same study found that 41 percent of SAHMs reported feeling overwhelmingly worried, compared to a significantly lesser 34 percent of their counterparts. The isolation factor, unhealthy messages from society, opportunity loss and many other factors put huge pressure on the already demanding task of raising their kids.
The woman also gave some more background info so that people would get to know the situation better
What’s worse, the pandemic has made life for everyone, especially women juggling responsibilities at home, way harder. Jane Parker, a Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach who coaches clients to have successful, fulfilling, and healthy relationships, told Bored Panda that “it is important that we have our own space, mentally and physically, and so the restrictions of the pandemic have taken much of that away from us.”
She said that while we are all dealing with our own feelings and responsibilities, which can affect what we are capable of giving to our partner and children, inequality within relationships was also highlighted.
“Inequality within relationships has also been highlighted. Many women feel that the sacrifices and responsibilities that have come about because of lockdown have fallen at their feet whilst their partners have been able to focus on their work as usual,” Jane explained.
Moreover, “It has been assumed that the woman will be the one who will home school, care for the children or elderly relatives, run their businesses/work from home and look after the house,” she said and added that “This can cause resentment if not addressed.”
And this is what people had to comment on this story
But despite this problem that can be called an ‘elephant in the room,’ many Americans still believe that having a mother who stays at home is beneficial for a young child.
A recent Pew Research survey focusing on “parents,” rather than just on mothers, asked Americans which statement came closer to their view: First, children are better off when a parent stays home to focus on the family; or second, children are just as well off when their parents work outside the home.
The results were: Fully six in ten adults chose the first statement and only about one-third (35%) chose the second statement.
Five bucks says this pilot is cheating on her if he's making comments like that about her appearance that in front of family. He's setting up his alibi. Seen this a dozen times with acquaintances, co-workers, it always ends the same: He wants his wife to bear his children, clean his house, and look like a supermodel. He, of course, can spend all day on game-playing or social media, b/c "He has a paycheck". Yeah, so does the wife. She has paid by bearing children, permanently altering her body by so doing, and she's also a cook, housekeeper, laundress. So, assuming $15/hr US for each hour of each of those roles, which are each full-time in a house with lots of small children? She's earning $75/hour. He's just earning bad karma. And she needs to be tested for STDs. Odds are he's been test-driving new potential wives.
I wish that people would make a calculation about how much a homemaker does and would earn. I did it once that I was feeling very down about not "contributing" and i realised that my partner (who has a good salary) would never be able to afford me if i got paid. Everybody should realise that.
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If he wants the wife to go shopping and to the salon and come back looking like a Beverly Hills housewife, what's he doing to make it possible? Is he offering to spend afternoons or evenings minding the kids? Is he budgeting for regular babysitters or a nanny? Is he arranging for family members to take the kids?
OK darling, here are the kids for a weekend, see you in 2 days.
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I know this is going to get downvoted, but, if he cheats, this is going to be one of the reasons he tries to justify it.
No downvote. Every time in real life I hear the "She doesn't take care of her apeparance (for me)" thing? Yeah, he's already shopping for the next wife to disappoint.
Load More Replies... I was married to a commercial pilot/ retired military pilot and was a sahm. He was gone for weeks or months at a time, depending, while in the military, and as a commercial pilot, 2 weeks home, 2 weeks gone. When he was home, he was a complete task master. I did everything and when he would walk in the door the complaining would start. It was an awful existence. He would tell our son, when he was in middle school, "If your mother would go out and get a job, we could live in a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood" Divorced him and got half of everything. BOOM!
The breadwinner sahm thing needs to cease existing. It is completely dependent on a permanently unequal power dynamic. It is rare that it works out.
I agree. I depend economically on my partner (disabilities so unchosen) and it really puts a strain in a relation. It is extremely easy for the breadwiner to become abusive if he/she isnt a good one ( mine is luckily awesome). But sadly until men dont step up with chores and childrearing at the end working women do 2 full time jobs so its understandable that many chose to be at home and do only one job.
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Sounds to me like his side-piece kicked him to the curb and he's thirsty. Either that or, like so many men seem to fall prey to, he wants her to be the same person she was when they first got together. It's amazing how people consistently prove that there is such a handicap for accounting for change and accepting that that means a) everyone changes and b) that doesn't mean we're going to be on the same road at all times either. She's definitely NTA, and he had that coming.
Stay at home moms exist to save the burden expense of daycare and make sure you’re the one raising your kids. Sure you do chores, but not all of them surely and you still deserve breaks. I don’t understand why some men are so delusional about the idea that being a stay at home mom is a 24/7 job and is easy. I bet he couldn’t do it. In fact you should take him up on his offer and have a spa getaway mini trip for a few days while leaving him to do everything while you’re gone. Maybe then he’ll realize it’s not easy and the constant pressure to make your kids happy and the house clean is why you don’t have leftover energy to go out of the way to be his trophy. He’s sexist and I feel bad for the wife here
Just gonna say it. Never marry a commercial airline pilot. They're made to feel like gods gift when they are in fact glorified busdrivers. Never met a pilot who wasn't a total womaniser with the arrogance to match. Of course he wants you to look like a trophy wife.
I only know one pilot. I don't find him arrogant, but he can be quite blunt, especially on the job where he has to think of safety ("I'm not flying until you get that drunk off my plane!"). I've heard of cops making lousy husbands, too. (Not all, obviously - the person who warned me about cops married one who's lovely. The pilot is married too and they're a great match at home and in running a business together - she handles the people side because he's far more patient with finances and paperwork, to put it nicely.)
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What many fail to realise is that the breadwinner gets to be everything that he or she wants because there is someone at home taking care of the house... a thankless job. Also, if he was so concerned about his image, then he should have kept his mouth shut.
Maybe he's an idiot who thought that either the family would side with him or that his wife would be humiliated into spiffing up her appearance.
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RUN GIRL RUN there's a slippery slope between criticism and outright emotional abuse. This sounds like my ex; compliments became backhand compliments became suggestions became "advice" became full on critiques and attempts to control my behaviour. Took a few years to get from "hey your bold makeup looks nice" to "you should wear bold makeup, you won't fit in and you don't look good without it".
My thoughts exactly. There are more red flags in this story than at a Chinese military parade. This husband sounds abusive and narcissistic, and she and the children would be better off without him. Children learn from watching…and it sounds like he’s going to be teaching them to disrespect and belittle people they love (especially women).
Load More Replies... If he has money to give her for the dresses, the hair, the nails etc., he can damned well cough up for a nanny as well!
@AnnaBanana I don't think she needs a nanny...but a housekeeper wouldn't hurt. Either that, or a new husband....
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Not that this is the point, but when exactly does he think she has the time to go to the salon and dress shopping? Sounds like he's one of those people who thinks a stay at home mum does a bit of vacuuming, makes a spot of lunch for the kids and relaxes for the rest of the day. Kids and housework 24/7, no break, no adult conversation. He needs to do it for a month and see how difficult it really is, hell, give him a week.
Sounds like he is cheating and she left him or he is considering it. Breadwinner does not mean you get out of chores or child duty. If he is so concerned he should get a maid for you or at the very least help around the house like any partner should. Partners help each other they do not belittle each other. I would take him up on the getaway spa offer as well.
What he should have done: Honey, let me take the kids and send you on a lovely spa day. After some pampering, go shopping for yourself. And when you get home, the kids will be fed and bathed and I will have a lovely home cooked meal waiting for you. I love you, appreciate everything you do to make our family work. Thank you x
A spa day makes a terrific gift for harried parents. I gave a gift certificate to my in-laws when they got married (two small kids full-time and three older kids part-time). They really needed it after their destination wedding with kids in tow. Both work and raise the children.
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A lot of other people have said that he is having an affair and I agree with that. This happens a lot with people that travel for work and pilots are always traveling. I wouldn't be surprised if he had multiple women because he just seems like the type. As for his in laws' opinion of him, he brought that on himself when he chose to have this conversation in front of them. He had no right to bring this up at this time. The advice was not "innocent", it was him telling her that he wants her to look a certain way and take care of him.
Hey, if he's going to take care of the kids and the household chores on Saturday, you can go to the nail salon, and shopping with friends. He can take the three kids, and do the grocery shop, and run errands, then come home and feed the kids do the laundry, clean the house. Then you can have a leisurely bath and put on full make up and your new dress. He can make dinner, feed the kids again, tidy up, put the kids to bed, and set the table for a fun and sexy dinner for two. He'll hopefully come out of it with an understanding of how much more work everything is with kids underfoot.
Here is my thought. Is he worried about her looks because all of his buddies have Stepford wives and he doesn't? Who is she getting dolled up for or who is she trying to impress? I only had one kid (granted he's autistic) and I just didn't have the energy or the money for getting dolled up anymore. The time it takes to do my hair and makeup, I could get a few chores done or catch up on badly needed rest. And I can guarantee, with his attitude, he wasn't the one getting up in the middle of the night to tend to sick kids, sleepless nightmares and midnight feedings.
And I'll just go and, once again, crack open a bottel of sparkly and celebrate that I never tied myself to a man. Yes, it can be lonely, now and then, but Hurray for freedom and independence!
If you see any problems in your relationship, you talk to your partner quietly at home. You explain your concerns and ask them about their point of view, and then you work to find a solution together. How can anyone think humilating their partner in front of friends & family is okay? A relationship without mutual respect is just one person abusing the other. I‘ve been pissed with my husband during family gatherings before and I‘m sure the same is true the other way around, but we always waited till we were alone to talk about it.
She needs to leave him much sooner than later. This is not just a case of “I’m having trouble adjusting because my wife turned into a mother” — where the spouse is navigating complex feelings at a brand new situation. This is a marriage where the husband straight up believes his wife (and other humans) should conform to his expectations of an ideal. He doesn’t see her as her own person but rather in terms of what she can do for him. Their children will grow up learning to belittle and emotionally abuse people. Everyone would be much happier without that narcissistic, toxic husband around.
If this was my situation (never in a million years), I would handle the 9-5 with the kids while he was at work, then disappear as soon as he got home from work until 10pm for seven days taking the entire weekend away without saying where I was going just that I would return late (Either shouted over my shoulder on the way out or left a note). I don’t care if I was just sitting at the park in my car reading a book. There is nothing like forcing a significant other to realize just how much you do until he is in the thick of it without a backup.
Don't worry folks, karma will get him. One day this airhead of a pilot will be the laughing stock of younger colleagues who will mock him to his face in front of the air stewardesses he can no longer impress. His kids meanwhile will remember a sham of a man who was hardly around: "But I gave you my air miles! How do mean I wasn't a good father?!"
I hope you book yourself a full long weekend trip involving whatever pampering you like on your husband's next days off, so he can experience what it is like to take care of house and kids solo. Leave him a long to-do list full of household chores. Then when you get home it's time for the two of you to have a long discussion about your expectations about a fair division of labour. Then you can decide whether you want to continue in the marriage.
He should not have said all that in front of her family. In support of the husband, I do see married friends of mine, especially since working from home during Covid, who live in grungy sweats 24/7. It's not attractive and I know they didn't dress/look like that when they were dating. In her defense, she is caring for 2 preschoolers and a 6 month old baby - cut her a little slack.
OTOH, when she dumps his lazy backside, they'll all be on her side. I'd be willing to bet they didn't know what an asshole he was before then. They'd probably cover all of her legal fees as well.
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So let me get this straight. The guy who literally moments before shared HIS private issues with HER family gets pissed when she defends herself? Okay, got it.
Neither spouse should have dishonored the other in private, and especially not in public. Ideally, supportive, interested spouses step up and ask how they can help the over worked/stressed spouse, and balance the time/work demands of a household and family with 3 young children. Sometimes, the one who starts the bad trend of dishonoring needs a taste of it to see how their harmful words and attitudes are affecting their spouse, marriage, and future happiness. I have to agree with Leo Domitrix and his insights on what may already be happening with him behind closed doors, other than their bedroom doors. He doesn’t talk or act like he deeply loves, cherishes her, or recognizes how difficult her days and evenings are with all she has on her “to do” list to keep the household running well. —Step up Mister. If you want the sexy pre-child woman you married back, take on a lot of her responsibilities and give her the time, space, opportunities, and money she needs to accomplish that.
If he's a CA at a major with seniotity, he's pulling in 6 figures. 2-300,000. More than enough for a nanny and housekeeper. Also, he's working 3 days/week. I've trained airline pilots for 22 years. Most can't wait to get back home, do his part, take care of the kids. This asshat wants to make them, then walk away. Honey, divorce him.
hate to break it to ya toots, he's shagging flight attendants and hotel staff all over the globe. i come from a long line of pilots, and its just how it is. show him the door, and get a good divorce lawer.
He is probably in contact with dozens of career women and others who spend a lot of time and money on themselves. If the is doing comparisons with you, I'd see this as dangerous for your marriage. Can you sit down together and talk things out, listen to each other's point of view, and try to reach a good compromise on both sides. This is really important for your partnership. Don't blame or cast insults, but be honest and really listen and be fair. Both of you have their own vision of your marriage - obviously they are widely different - to make your marriage strong you need to be communicating adults.
NTA. As others have said, he is likely having an affair and looking for a way out and wants to make it your fault. The sulking part and attempt at gaslighting you also shows narcissistic traits and narcissists are known cheaters.
… Do more for herself? Surely he meant do more for HIM. Could be time to get the hell out because this entire exchange is a red flag big enough to cover up an average country.
Every time he is home, make sure there are chores for him to do and let him know you are going out to focus on You..Don't have to go shopping etc..Just have fun 😊. Of course he will be taking care of his children whilst you do that.
Every man's dream that his wife look Hollywood good after all these hard work of raising kids and maintaining home and his relatives but what about himself? Tell him to do the job,house chores,jim,parlor and manage kids plus his older folks equally. Then we will talk dear. Oh and wax all the hairs darling.
SAhp is unpaid work you can't even put on your cv. I hope these people get divorced.
He can either pay for a full spa day for you once a week, or sign divorce papers. Either way, if he wants it, he can pay for it.
He deserved it, yeah, I agree, because he's a sexist asshole. But when it comes to "not looking like a trash", sorry... dying hair by yourself takes an hour, 1,5 at most (my hair is waist long and yeah, I've never spent more than 90 minutes to dye it myself), doing make-up - 10 minutes, putting up clothes that are not dirty and absolutely terrible... 30 seconds...?
No! If you are a SAHP with multiple small kids your days are devoted to taking care of the kids. There is very little time for housework or anything else. Most days the house is likely to end up dirtier than it started despite ones best efforts. A couple deciding one parent will sacrifice their career to care for their children does not suddenly absolve the working parent of all household responsibilities.
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Wtf - she's taking care of her kids. Btw - they're both the parents of the kids; therefore, it's the responsibility of both to take care of them.
Load More Replies... Five bucks says this pilot is cheating on her if he's making comments like that about her appearance that in front of family. He's setting up his alibi. Seen this a dozen times with acquaintances, co-workers, it always ends the same: He wants his wife to bear his children, clean his house, and look like a supermodel. He, of course, can spend all day on game-playing or social media, b/c "He has a paycheck". Yeah, so does the wife. She has paid by bearing children, permanently altering her body by so doing, and she's also a cook, housekeeper, laundress. So, assuming $15/hr US for each hour of each of those roles, which are each full-time in a house with lots of small children? She's earning $75/hour. He's just earning bad karma. And she needs to be tested for STDs. Odds are he's been test-driving new potential wives.
I wish that people would make a calculation about how much a homemaker does and would earn. I did it once that I was feeling very down about not "contributing" and i realised that my partner (who has a good salary) would never be able to afford me if i got paid. Everybody should realise that.
Load More Replies... If he wants the wife to go shopping and to the salon and come back looking like a Beverly Hills housewife, what's he doing to make it possible? Is he offering to spend afternoons or evenings minding the kids? Is he budgeting for regular babysitters or a nanny? Is he arranging for family members to take the kids?
OK darling, here are the kids for a weekend, see you in 2 days.
Load More Replies... I know this is going to get downvoted, but, if he cheats, this is going to be one of the reasons he tries to justify it.
No downvote. Every time in real life I hear the "She doesn't take care of her apeparance (for me)" thing? Yeah, he's already shopping for the next wife to disappoint.
Load More Replies... I was married to a commercial pilot/ retired military pilot and was a sahm. He was gone for weeks or months at a time, depending, while in the military, and as a commercial pilot, 2 weeks home, 2 weeks gone. When he was home, he was a complete task master. I did everything and when he would walk in the door the complaining would start. It was an awful existence. He would tell our son, when he was in middle school, "If your mother would go out and get a job, we could live in a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood" Divorced him and got half of everything. BOOM!
The breadwinner sahm thing needs to cease existing. It is completely dependent on a permanently unequal power dynamic. It is rare that it works out.
I agree. I depend economically on my partner (disabilities so unchosen) and it really puts a strain in a relation. It is extremely easy for the breadwiner to become abusive if he/she isnt a good one ( mine is luckily awesome). But sadly until men dont step up with chores and childrearing at the end working women do 2 full time jobs so its understandable that many chose to be at home and do only one job.
Load More Replies... Sounds to me like his side-piece kicked him to the curb and he's thirsty. Either that or, like so many men seem to fall prey to, he wants her to be the same person she was when they first got together. It's amazing how people consistently prove that there is such a handicap for accounting for change and accepting that that means a) everyone changes and b) that doesn't mean we're going to be on the same road at all times either. She's definitely NTA, and he had that coming.
Stay at home moms exist to save the burden expense of daycare and make sure you’re the one raising your kids. Sure you do chores, but not all of them surely and you still deserve breaks. I don’t understand why some men are so delusional about the idea that being a stay at home mom is a 24/7 job and is easy. I bet he couldn’t do it. In fact you should take him up on his offer and have a spa getaway mini trip for a few days while leaving him to do everything while you’re gone. Maybe then he’ll realize it’s not easy and the constant pressure to make your kids happy and the house clean is why you don’t have leftover energy to go out of the way to be his trophy. He’s sexist and I feel bad for the wife here
Just gonna say it. Never marry a commercial airline pilot. They're made to feel like gods gift when they are in fact glorified busdrivers. Never met a pilot who wasn't a total womaniser with the arrogance to match. Of course he wants you to look like a trophy wife.
I only know one pilot. I don't find him arrogant, but he can be quite blunt, especially on the job where he has to think of safety ("I'm not flying until you get that drunk off my plane!"). I've heard of cops making lousy husbands, too. (Not all, obviously - the person who warned me about cops married one who's lovely. The pilot is married too and they're a great match at home and in running a business together - she handles the people side because he's far more patient with finances and paperwork, to put it nicely.)
Load More Replies... What many fail to realise is that the breadwinner gets to be everything that he or she wants because there is someone at home taking care of the house... a thankless job. Also, if he was so concerned about his image, then he should have kept his mouth shut.
Maybe he's an idiot who thought that either the family would side with him or that his wife would be humiliated into spiffing up her appearance.
Load More Replies... RUN GIRL RUN there's a slippery slope between criticism and outright emotional abuse. This sounds like my ex; compliments became backhand compliments became suggestions became "advice" became full on critiques and attempts to control my behaviour. Took a few years to get from "hey your bold makeup looks nice" to "you should wear bold makeup, you won't fit in and you don't look good without it".
My thoughts exactly. There are more red flags in this story than at a Chinese military parade. This husband sounds abusive and narcissistic, and she and the children would be better off without him. Children learn from watching…and it sounds like he’s going to be teaching them to disrespect and belittle people they love (especially women).
Load More Replies... If he has money to give her for the dresses, the hair, the nails etc., he can damned well cough up for a nanny as well!
@AnnaBanana I don't think she needs a nanny...but a housekeeper wouldn't hurt. Either that, or a new husband....
Load More Replies... Not that this is the point, but when exactly does he think she has the time to go to the salon and dress shopping? Sounds like he's one of those people who thinks a stay at home mum does a bit of vacuuming, makes a spot of lunch for the kids and relaxes for the rest of the day. Kids and housework 24/7, no break, no adult conversation. He needs to do it for a month and see how difficult it really is, hell, give him a week.
Sounds like he is cheating and she left him or he is considering it. Breadwinner does not mean you get out of chores or child duty. If he is so concerned he should get a maid for you or at the very least help around the house like any partner should. Partners help each other they do not belittle each other. I would take him up on the getaway spa offer as well.
What he should have done: Honey, let me take the kids and send you on a lovely spa day. After some pampering, go shopping for yourself. And when you get home, the kids will be fed and bathed and I will have a lovely home cooked meal waiting for you. I love you, appreciate everything you do to make our family work. Thank you x
A spa day makes a terrific gift for harried parents. I gave a gift certificate to my in-laws when they got married (two small kids full-time and three older kids part-time). They really needed it after their destination wedding with kids in tow. Both work and raise the children.
Load More Replies... A lot of other people have said that he is having an affair and I agree with that. This happens a lot with people that travel for work and pilots are always traveling. I wouldn't be surprised if he had multiple women because he just seems like the type. As for his in laws' opinion of him, he brought that on himself when he chose to have this conversation in front of them. He had no right to bring this up at this time. The advice was not "innocent", it was him telling her that he wants her to look a certain way and take care of him.
Hey, if he's going to take care of the kids and the household chores on Saturday, you can go to the nail salon, and shopping with friends. He can take the three kids, and do the grocery shop, and run errands, then come home and feed the kids do the laundry, clean the house. Then you can have a leisurely bath and put on full make up and your new dress. He can make dinner, feed the kids again, tidy up, put the kids to bed, and set the table for a fun and sexy dinner for two. He'll hopefully come out of it with an understanding of how much more work everything is with kids underfoot.
Here is my thought. Is he worried about her looks because all of his buddies have Stepford wives and he doesn't? Who is she getting dolled up for or who is she trying to impress? I only had one kid (granted he's autistic) and I just didn't have the energy or the money for getting dolled up anymore. The time it takes to do my hair and makeup, I could get a few chores done or catch up on badly needed rest. And I can guarantee, with his attitude, he wasn't the one getting up in the middle of the night to tend to sick kids, sleepless nightmares and midnight feedings.
And I'll just go and, once again, crack open a bottel of sparkly and celebrate that I never tied myself to a man. Yes, it can be lonely, now and then, but Hurray for freedom and independence!
If you see any problems in your relationship, you talk to your partner quietly at home. You explain your concerns and ask them about their point of view, and then you work to find a solution together. How can anyone think humilating their partner in front of friends & family is okay? A relationship without mutual respect is just one person abusing the other. I‘ve been pissed with my husband during family gatherings before and I‘m sure the same is true the other way around, but we always waited till we were alone to talk about it.
She needs to leave him much sooner than later. This is not just a case of “I’m having trouble adjusting because my wife turned into a mother” — where the spouse is navigating complex feelings at a brand new situation. This is a marriage where the husband straight up believes his wife (and other humans) should conform to his expectations of an ideal. He doesn’t see her as her own person but rather in terms of what she can do for him. Their children will grow up learning to belittle and emotionally abuse people. Everyone would be much happier without that narcissistic, toxic husband around.
If this was my situation (never in a million years), I would handle the 9-5 with the kids while he was at work, then disappear as soon as he got home from work until 10pm for seven days taking the entire weekend away without saying where I was going just that I would return late (Either shouted over my shoulder on the way out or left a note). I don’t care if I was just sitting at the park in my car reading a book. There is nothing like forcing a significant other to realize just how much you do until he is in the thick of it without a backup.
Don't worry folks, karma will get him. One day this airhead of a pilot will be the laughing stock of younger colleagues who will mock him to his face in front of the air stewardesses he can no longer impress. His kids meanwhile will remember a sham of a man who was hardly around: "But I gave you my air miles! How do mean I wasn't a good father?!"
I hope you book yourself a full long weekend trip involving whatever pampering you like on your husband's next days off, so he can experience what it is like to take care of house and kids solo. Leave him a long to-do list full of household chores. Then when you get home it's time for the two of you to have a long discussion about your expectations about a fair division of labour. Then you can decide whether you want to continue in the marriage.
He should not have said all that in front of her family. In support of the husband, I do see married friends of mine, especially since working from home during Covid, who live in grungy sweats 24/7. It's not attractive and I know they didn't dress/look like that when they were dating. In her defense, she is caring for 2 preschoolers and a 6 month old baby - cut her a little slack.
OTOH, when she dumps his lazy backside, they'll all be on her side. I'd be willing to bet they didn't know what an asshole he was before then. They'd probably cover all of her legal fees as well.
Load More Replies... So let me get this straight. The guy who literally moments before shared HIS private issues with HER family gets pissed when she defends herself? Okay, got it.
Neither spouse should have dishonored the other in private, and especially not in public. Ideally, supportive, interested spouses step up and ask how they can help the over worked/stressed spouse, and balance the time/work demands of a household and family with 3 young children. Sometimes, the one who starts the bad trend of dishonoring needs a taste of it to see how their harmful words and attitudes are affecting their spouse, marriage, and future happiness. I have to agree with Leo Domitrix and his insights on what may already be happening with him behind closed doors, other than their bedroom doors. He doesn’t talk or act like he deeply loves, cherishes her, or recognizes how difficult her days and evenings are with all she has on her “to do” list to keep the household running well. —Step up Mister. If you want the sexy pre-child woman you married back, take on a lot of her responsibilities and give her the time, space, opportunities, and money she needs to accomplish that.
If he's a CA at a major with seniotity, he's pulling in 6 figures. 2-300,000. More than enough for a nanny and housekeeper. Also, he's working 3 days/week. I've trained airline pilots for 22 years. Most can't wait to get back home, do his part, take care of the kids. This asshat wants to make them, then walk away. Honey, divorce him.
hate to break it to ya toots, he's shagging flight attendants and hotel staff all over the globe. i come from a long line of pilots, and its just how it is. show him the door, and get a good divorce lawer.
He is probably in contact with dozens of career women and others who spend a lot of time and money on themselves. If the is doing comparisons with you, I'd see this as dangerous for your marriage. Can you sit down together and talk things out, listen to each other's point of view, and try to reach a good compromise on both sides. This is really important for your partnership. Don't blame or cast insults, but be honest and really listen and be fair. Both of you have their own vision of your marriage - obviously they are widely different - to make your marriage strong you need to be communicating adults.
NTA. As others have said, he is likely having an affair and looking for a way out and wants to make it your fault. The sulking part and attempt at gaslighting you also shows narcissistic traits and narcissists are known cheaters.
… Do more for herself? Surely he meant do more for HIM. Could be time to get the hell out because this entire exchange is a red flag big enough to cover up an average country.
Every time he is home, make sure there are chores for him to do and let him know you are going out to focus on You..Don't have to go shopping etc..Just have fun 😊. Of course he will be taking care of his children whilst you do that.
Every man's dream that his wife look Hollywood good after all these hard work of raising kids and maintaining home and his relatives but what about himself? Tell him to do the job,house chores,jim,parlor and manage kids plus his older folks equally. Then we will talk dear. Oh and wax all the hairs darling.
SAhp is unpaid work you can't even put on your cv. I hope these people get divorced.
He can either pay for a full spa day for you once a week, or sign divorce papers. Either way, if he wants it, he can pay for it.
He deserved it, yeah, I agree, because he's a sexist asshole. But when it comes to "not looking like a trash", sorry... dying hair by yourself takes an hour, 1,5 at most (my hair is waist long and yeah, I've never spent more than 90 minutes to dye it myself), doing make-up - 10 minutes, putting up clothes that are not dirty and absolutely terrible... 30 seconds...?
No! If you are a SAHP with multiple small kids your days are devoted to taking care of the kids. There is very little time for housework or anything else. Most days the house is likely to end up dirtier than it started despite ones best efforts. A couple deciding one parent will sacrifice their career to care for their children does not suddenly absolve the working parent of all household responsibilities.
Load More Replies... Wtf - she's taking care of her kids. Btw - they're both the parents of the kids; therefore, it's the responsibility of both to take care of them.
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