Husband Claims Wife ‘Massively’ Let Herself Go After Giving Birth, She Asks The Internet What To Do
Pregnancy and childbirth massively transform a woman’s body, including in some weird and not-so-wonderful ways. For many of them, the thought of what they might look like afterwards may be extremely daunting. So having a person in their life who loves them unconditionally can make a huge difference.
But one mom has been told by her husband that she’s “let herself go” following the birth of their baby.
In a sincere post on Mumsnet, the woman explained that she and her partner had had a big fight after he’d been “grumpy all afternoon.” When she asked him what was the matter, he “blurted out that he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with me,” adding that she no longer looks like the woman he agreed to spend the rest of his life with.
As you can imagine, these words broke her heart.
Image credits: Boris Jovanovic (not the actual photo)
General practitioner, medical researcher, and founder of PrimeHealth Clinical Research, Iris Gorfinkel, M.D., told Bored Panda that the answer to the question of what factors can lead a woman to gain weight after pregnancy and giving birth is actually pretty complicated—it involves physical factors, emotional factors, and Gorfinkel would even add relationship factors and social factors.
“There are also other factors that involve one’s own body image. It’s one thing when you’re pregnant, but as soon as you’ve given birth, a lot of women have difficulty coping with the changes in the breasts, the changes in the vagina; very real changes in their bodies. It takes preparation.”
It’s no wonder that neither this woman nor her husband see her the way she was when they got together. Bringing human life into this world drastically changes you.
“Some of your hormones go from the highest they ever will be to the lowest, just before delivery to just after,” says Ann Dunnewold, a Dallas psychologist and co-author of Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide. Right after giving birth, your estrogen and progesterone levels drop dramatically, which can induce the “baby blues” (mood swings, anxiety, sadness, or irritability, which resolve within a week or so of birth) or postpartum depression (similar symptoms that are more intense, last longer and interfere with your daily life).
Thyroid hormones, which help regulate body temperature, metabolism, and organ function, can be affected by giving birth as well. According to the American Thyroid Association, 5 to 10 percent of women have postpartum thyroiditis, an inflammation of the thyroid gland, and the exact cause isn’t known. Symptoms can include insomnia, anxiety, rapid heart rate, fatigue, weight loss, and irritability (one to four months after birth) or fatigue, weight gain, constipation, dry skin, and depression (four to eight months after birth).
The woman explained her situation in more detail
Other post-baby body changes include skin pigmentation, anemia, perineal tears, varicose veins, stretch marks, breast changes, hair loss, and dental problems.
While these things may not bother some women, it’s common to have negative feelings about your new image. Like the author of this post, you may feel pressure to look like you’ve never had a baby, but the reality is that for most women their bodies will change after giving birth.
Doing gentle exercises may help you feel better and increase your confidence. If you had a straightforward birth, you can start incorporating them into your routine as soon as you feel up to it. This could include walking, stretches, pelvic floor exercises, or swimming.
If you’ve had your six-week postnatal check and you feel confident to start any high-impact exercise, consider aerobics or running.
Whatever your individual case might be, experts advise focusing on how you feel rather than how you look. Your health and looking after your newborn baby are far more important.
Try not to compare yourself to others because everyone is different. Some women may have gained more weight than others during pregnancy and some may find it takes longer to recover.
Many of those who have read her story think that her husband is acting like a jerk
But some say that your appearance is part of who you are and should not be completely disregarded
I hope she never gets sick bc he won't stick around if she does. A lot of men leave their wives when they get cancer or a debilitating illness. He definitely sounds like one of them. I've been married for 21 years and I see my husband as a complete person he still looks the same to me since the day I met him. Her child will grow up and she'll have more time for herself. He also sounds like he puts all the workload and child care on her if she has no time for herself. I don't understand how people don't fall in love w personality especially if you marry that person. You will grow old and you will not look the same no matter how hard you try what's he going to do when she goes through menopause and gets wrinkles and gray hair? Tell her she's no longe the woman he married?
If you fall in love with shallow common interests and looks, then you're doomed. My hubby is who he is. What gray hair? :-)
Load More Replies...
Some serious issues in the last couple of comments about not wanting people if they put on weight. People put on weight for many reasons, including serious health issues and if you are willing to ditch them for this than you are a shallow monster who clearly missed the "for better or for worse" bit
Plus its usually easier to gain weight as you grow older. I work out almost daily but if Id want to keep the same weight I had when I was 20, I would need to add more hours to my exercise routine and honestly, I have better things to do with my free time.
Load More Replies...
Men marry women thinking they will never change... and they always do. Women marry men thinking they will grow and change... and they never do.
I wouldn't say men never do or that all men women thinking they won't change. There's a lot of good (not shallow,) men who marry for life. Some women marry men thinking they will change, and that's not right either.
Load More Replies...
I love my husband so much. I've worn makeup 3 times in the last 18 months and used to wear it every day for work. I work from home now and am in pajamas 95% of the time. I asked him if it bothers him that I look like crap every day and he said "You don't look like crap, and I don't care because you're you. If I worked at home, I would wear pajamas every day too." Love.
My husband tells me that he thinks I'm most beautiful when I wake up in the morning and my hair is all f'ed up with no makeup on, when I asked him why he said "Because nobody else gets to see you that way!"....and my heart just exploded!!!
Load More Replies...
I've read so many posts were women are blamed for not looking their very perfect best every day. I wonder how much time it takes the spouse to dress and get ready for the day. Do the husbands spend an hour every morning doing their hair and make up? Weekly nail, hair and whatnot appointments, waxing etc. Not to mention being in smart looking, but often uncomfortable clothes all day every day. All of that on top of childcare, especially with infants. And that's just insignificant exterior. Mental stuff is much worse. You haven't let yourself go. Your spouse hasn't pulled his weight and now he tries to blame you for his incompetence.
OK, first off, marital counseling required. Second, see first. She might be depressed; he might be a total jerk. Or both. Edited to add: In her situation, I'd be depressed. Edited again to add: Yes, I advised counseling. If she's depressed, which is possible, best to find out, and marital counseling can help show when a marriage is unsalvageable. Peace.
To me it sounds like he puts all the work load and child care on her if she has no time for herself. He also sounds very shallow and not concerned w her well being only her looks. that's concerning bc what if she gets sick or when she grows old and no longer looks 25? He'll probably leave her for someone younger if he only married her for her appearance to the point he was very rude about how he was mad at her for her appearance. Men do not understand the havoc carrying a child does to your body and mind then if your saddled w all the housework, child care and working outside the home then to have the man you're supposed to trust get angry w you bc of your looks? That's insidious
Load More Replies...
I would definitely ask him to pay for/use the joint account for trips to the salon, getting my nails done etc, leave him alone with their baby, and head off to the gym. I’d say thanks for noticing, I’ve been feeling that way too, now I’m off for a run, byeeeee! Then when I felt good about myself, I’d leave him. What an asshat.
Her husband sound very shallow, did he marry her for her looks? They have little kid, wife still has to work, and she didn't even mention if husband help with cooking, cleaning and parenting. She cannot look perfect all the time, and I doubt that her husband is Adonis. Also, some alarming answers, like that person, who adore her husband, but if he gained weight, she wouldn't be attracted to him and woudn't marry him. What the hell?
My friend bounced back to her pre-pregnancy size and appearance in time her son was an year old. She's one determined, hard working powerhouse that's for sure. But also from the very beginning her husband priorized the mother's and baby's needs above everything else. Despite working full time he did the chores, woke up at night and was a parent to the baby whenever he was home to make sure the mother got time to rest, recover, take care of herself and nurse the baby. I can tell he was beyond his limits, but he always speaks so beautifully about his wive and worst I ever heard him say was that parenting is more work than he ever imagined, but their son is more than worth it.
Us woman could stop wearing makeup and getting all these luxury things done to ourselves so men can get used to seeing us in natural form and not be freaked out when that day comes around when they do see us au naturale, cozy and exhausted. Have them spend a week taking care of the kids then tell them how much they've let themselves go (sarcastically so they get the hit with the feeling they give you). If that don't change then they aren't with you for the right reasons. (Not saying it's our fault or her fault her husband is douchebag, btw.)
Here is an idea. Give the poor woman a break. Take the kids for a day or two a week, so she can exercise, rest and maybe go to the SPA every fortnight. This seems to be a big deal for both of them, but he somehow thinks that she should work, be a mom, clean and somehow keep herself beautiful for him. He is 50% of the partnership. We don't know what he does beside complaining, but I get the feeling that he works then expects the servant at home has the kids handled, dinner ready and the house clean. It doesn't work like that.
I would bail. This guy isn't looking for a true partner and wife. He doesn't value her as a person, he only wants her for superficial reasons. He will most definitely cheat and blame his wife for 'letting herself go', aka being a normal woman who is busy looking after his child. If he loved her, he not only wouldn't mind that she doesn't have time for herself anymore, he'd ask to see if he could do anything to help or spoil her a little.
uhm...wow. He obviously just wants you to look hot 24/7 doesn't he? Having a kid can cause weight gain, lack of sleep and time can cause weight gain, what on earth did he expect after having a kid? He clearly puts more importance on looks than who you are and what you two "had". To put it frankly he's a sack of s**t for getting in a fight with you about this.
Sounds like he’s quite the pos and you need to move you on- for the benefit of both you and your child. Run from the life of degrading comments, you’ll be better off.
S**t like this triggers my anger tenfold . These selfish whiny a*s men who do this are no better than s**t on the bottom of my shoe. Grow a pair dude and grow the f**k up!
Everyone in the comment section is pretty one-sided. Probably super offended by the husband having standards(which is in no case wrong). There is no right or wrong here, only preference. If she knows that’s the kind of guy he is, then she needs to maintain herself. Men are visuals for the most part. And we all value different things. The people in the comments who are shaming him because he values upkeep and beauty, are the shallow ones IMO.
Lol my husband was JACKED when we met. I mean, model body.. chiseled cheekbones n jawline... just gorgeous (I'm not the only one who thought so) he was a college football player (US) and so he stayed in really good shape from HS to after graduating college .. he's one of those ppl who can work out for 2 weeks and basically transform their bodies. He just knows how to work out properly... however, it's been 7 years and some change and he's far from the "perfect specimen" he was when we met.. do I miss it!? Sometimes. But what I love most is that he's the same person he has always been.. which means way more to me than looks. I didn't marry him because of his 8 pack.. I married him because of who he is as a person. I have changed to. Not much but we're getting older! That's normal. And we don't even have kids (2 step kids from his previous marriage) ... she legit grew a whole all human inside her! N she's a SAHM! Cut her some slack. I'm sure she's still as beautiful as ever!
I should have said "we don't even have young kids" because I consider my step daughters my own! They're older now so they're not as much work as a 2yo. Nor do they live with us full time so that was my only point that we've let ourselves go a bit and we don't even have young kids to care for! OP has a damn 2yo! That's a lot of work! Especially when you have a husband who cares more about appearances than he does about being a good husband n father.
Load More Replies...
Grow a human, or have your hormones go suddenly out of whack, then you may have an opinion, until then crawl back under whatever incel rock you came from.
Load More Replies... Or he could take over some of the childcare duties so she has the time and energy to dress up better. But I think there is nothing wrong with PJS/ lounge wear at home.
Load More Replies...
I hope she never gets sick bc he won't stick around if she does. A lot of men leave their wives when they get cancer or a debilitating illness. He definitely sounds like one of them. I've been married for 21 years and I see my husband as a complete person he still looks the same to me since the day I met him. Her child will grow up and she'll have more time for herself. He also sounds like he puts all the workload and child care on her if she has no time for herself. I don't understand how people don't fall in love w personality especially if you marry that person. You will grow old and you will not look the same no matter how hard you try what's he going to do when she goes through menopause and gets wrinkles and gray hair? Tell her she's no longe the woman he married?
If you fall in love with shallow common interests and looks, then you're doomed. My hubby is who he is. What gray hair? :-)
Load More Replies... Some serious issues in the last couple of comments about not wanting people if they put on weight. People put on weight for many reasons, including serious health issues and if you are willing to ditch them for this than you are a shallow monster who clearly missed the "for better or for worse" bit
Plus its usually easier to gain weight as you grow older. I work out almost daily but if Id want to keep the same weight I had when I was 20, I would need to add more hours to my exercise routine and honestly, I have better things to do with my free time.
Load More Replies... Men marry women thinking they will never change... and they always do. Women marry men thinking they will grow and change... and they never do.
I wouldn't say men never do or that all men women thinking they won't change. There's a lot of good (not shallow,) men who marry for life. Some women marry men thinking they will change, and that's not right either.
Load More Replies... I love my husband so much. I've worn makeup 3 times in the last 18 months and used to wear it every day for work. I work from home now and am in pajamas 95% of the time. I asked him if it bothers him that I look like crap every day and he said "You don't look like crap, and I don't care because you're you. If I worked at home, I would wear pajamas every day too." Love.
My husband tells me that he thinks I'm most beautiful when I wake up in the morning and my hair is all f'ed up with no makeup on, when I asked him why he said "Because nobody else gets to see you that way!"....and my heart just exploded!!!
Load More Replies... I've read so many posts were women are blamed for not looking their very perfect best every day. I wonder how much time it takes the spouse to dress and get ready for the day. Do the husbands spend an hour every morning doing their hair and make up? Weekly nail, hair and whatnot appointments, waxing etc. Not to mention being in smart looking, but often uncomfortable clothes all day every day. All of that on top of childcare, especially with infants. And that's just insignificant exterior. Mental stuff is much worse. You haven't let yourself go. Your spouse hasn't pulled his weight and now he tries to blame you for his incompetence.
OK, first off, marital counseling required. Second, see first. She might be depressed; he might be a total jerk. Or both. Edited to add: In her situation, I'd be depressed. Edited again to add: Yes, I advised counseling. If she's depressed, which is possible, best to find out, and marital counseling can help show when a marriage is unsalvageable. Peace.
To me it sounds like he puts all the work load and child care on her if she has no time for herself. He also sounds very shallow and not concerned w her well being only her looks. that's concerning bc what if she gets sick or when she grows old and no longer looks 25? He'll probably leave her for someone younger if he only married her for her appearance to the point he was very rude about how he was mad at her for her appearance. Men do not understand the havoc carrying a child does to your body and mind then if your saddled w all the housework, child care and working outside the home then to have the man you're supposed to trust get angry w you bc of your looks? That's insidious
Load More Replies... I would definitely ask him to pay for/use the joint account for trips to the salon, getting my nails done etc, leave him alone with their baby, and head off to the gym. I’d say thanks for noticing, I’ve been feeling that way too, now I’m off for a run, byeeeee! Then when I felt good about myself, I’d leave him. What an asshat.
Her husband sound very shallow, did he marry her for her looks? They have little kid, wife still has to work, and she didn't even mention if husband help with cooking, cleaning and parenting. She cannot look perfect all the time, and I doubt that her husband is Adonis. Also, some alarming answers, like that person, who adore her husband, but if he gained weight, she wouldn't be attracted to him and woudn't marry him. What the hell?
My friend bounced back to her pre-pregnancy size and appearance in time her son was an year old. She's one determined, hard working powerhouse that's for sure. But also from the very beginning her husband priorized the mother's and baby's needs above everything else. Despite working full time he did the chores, woke up at night and was a parent to the baby whenever he was home to make sure the mother got time to rest, recover, take care of herself and nurse the baby. I can tell he was beyond his limits, but he always speaks so beautifully about his wive and worst I ever heard him say was that parenting is more work than he ever imagined, but their son is more than worth it.
Us woman could stop wearing makeup and getting all these luxury things done to ourselves so men can get used to seeing us in natural form and not be freaked out when that day comes around when they do see us au naturale, cozy and exhausted. Have them spend a week taking care of the kids then tell them how much they've let themselves go (sarcastically so they get the hit with the feeling they give you). If that don't change then they aren't with you for the right reasons. (Not saying it's our fault or her fault her husband is douchebag, btw.)
Here is an idea. Give the poor woman a break. Take the kids for a day or two a week, so she can exercise, rest and maybe go to the SPA every fortnight. This seems to be a big deal for both of them, but he somehow thinks that she should work, be a mom, clean and somehow keep herself beautiful for him. He is 50% of the partnership. We don't know what he does beside complaining, but I get the feeling that he works then expects the servant at home has the kids handled, dinner ready and the house clean. It doesn't work like that.
I would bail. This guy isn't looking for a true partner and wife. He doesn't value her as a person, he only wants her for superficial reasons. He will most definitely cheat and blame his wife for 'letting herself go', aka being a normal woman who is busy looking after his child. If he loved her, he not only wouldn't mind that she doesn't have time for herself anymore, he'd ask to see if he could do anything to help or spoil her a little.
uhm...wow. He obviously just wants you to look hot 24/7 doesn't he? Having a kid can cause weight gain, lack of sleep and time can cause weight gain, what on earth did he expect after having a kid? He clearly puts more importance on looks than who you are and what you two "had". To put it frankly he's a sack of s**t for getting in a fight with you about this.
Sounds like he’s quite the pos and you need to move you on- for the benefit of both you and your child. Run from the life of degrading comments, you’ll be better off.
S**t like this triggers my anger tenfold . These selfish whiny a*s men who do this are no better than s**t on the bottom of my shoe. Grow a pair dude and grow the f**k up!
Everyone in the comment section is pretty one-sided. Probably super offended by the husband having standards(which is in no case wrong). There is no right or wrong here, only preference. If she knows that’s the kind of guy he is, then she needs to maintain herself. Men are visuals for the most part. And we all value different things. The people in the comments who are shaming him because he values upkeep and beauty, are the shallow ones IMO.
Lol my husband was JACKED when we met. I mean, model body.. chiseled cheekbones n jawline... just gorgeous (I'm not the only one who thought so) he was a college football player (US) and so he stayed in really good shape from HS to after graduating college .. he's one of those ppl who can work out for 2 weeks and basically transform their bodies. He just knows how to work out properly... however, it's been 7 years and some change and he's far from the "perfect specimen" he was when we met.. do I miss it!? Sometimes. But what I love most is that he's the same person he has always been.. which means way more to me than looks. I didn't marry him because of his 8 pack.. I married him because of who he is as a person. I have changed to. Not much but we're getting older! That's normal. And we don't even have kids (2 step kids from his previous marriage) ... she legit grew a whole all human inside her! N she's a SAHM! Cut her some slack. I'm sure she's still as beautiful as ever!
I should have said "we don't even have young kids" because I consider my step daughters my own! They're older now so they're not as much work as a 2yo. Nor do they live with us full time so that was my only point that we've let ourselves go a bit and we don't even have young kids to care for! OP has a damn 2yo! That's a lot of work! Especially when you have a husband who cares more about appearances than he does about being a good husband n father.
Load More Replies... Grow a human, or have your hormones go suddenly out of whack, then you may have an opinion, until then crawl back under whatever incel rock you came from.
Load More Replies... Or he could take over some of the childcare duties so she has the time and energy to dress up better. But I think there is nothing wrong with PJS/ lounge wear at home.
Load More Replies...
46
54