“How To Avoid Sexual Assault”: This Twitter Thread Brilliantly Trolls The ‘Advice’ Women Are Usually Given
Interview With Author
Nearly 1 in 5 women in the United States (18.3%) has been raped at least once in her life, according to NISVS report. Most female victims of completed rape (79.6%) experienced their first rape before the age of 25, showing just how vulnerable to sexual violence young women really are.
The numbers are truly harrowing, and they are likely to be higher since many sexual assault and harassment victims don’t report their experiences to authorities. Some go as far as hiding them and dealing with the aftermath all alone. It often leads to severe emotional and physical damage for years to come.
Knowing what a devastating crime sexual harassment and assault really is, most common advice is, in fact, addressed to women rather than the potential perpetrators. And this one viral Twitter thread mocks this flawed logic in a series of all-telling tweets.
Posted by the user @xcrazyraerae, who said “I’m also a victim” and that “it shouldn’t be our job to avoid it,” the thread reflects on all the nonsensical advice women are given on a daily basis. The irony is that all the listed points are aimed at men, which makes it not a joke thread, since “they literally need to follow these rules but don’t.”
This thread on the common advice women are given to avoid sexual harassment mocks the flawed logic behind it
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Bored Panda reached out to the thread author Raeli Nicole Williams, who goes by the Twitter handle @xcrazyraerae. She said that the idea to create it came after she got fed up with “this kind of absurd advice” she has received for so long.
“I have a sarcastic personality and just started snapping back when people would say those kinds of things to remind people that sexual assault is a male problem instead of a female problem.”
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
At first, a lot of people seemed confused with the thread. “They didn’t understand it at first and definitely came at me. I just had to remind them to take the time to read it, and after that, they understood the comedy I was going for.”
After reading the whole thread, Raeli said, people would realize this is satire and many would love it and agree with it. She also said that she received way more backlash and negative replies from men who disagreed with her thread as opposed to women.
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
“I think this all comes down to the patriarchy and the idea that men are superior. There is a deep-rooted idea that women are meant to serve men and that men can do no wrong. Therefore, the blame for assault is directed at women rather than men,” the author explained.
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Raeli also noted that people often forget that men can be sexually assaulted as well. “It’s something that’s not often talked about because men are seen as strong and superior.” In fact, “that’s one of the issues I had to face and account for when I claimed that sexual assault was a ‘male problem.’”
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
The thread author didn’t expect her thread to go viral like it did, but she’s glad for it because “victim-blaming is something that is so important to talk about,” Raeli concluded.
Someone asked if this thread was a joke and this is what the author replied
Image credits: IsaJennie
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
At first, many people thought the thread was insulting, only to realize the whole irony of it
Image credits: holmes_bray
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
Image credits: WhiteyWap
The author of the thread also said she was a victim too and that it wasn’t women’s job to avoid sexual assault altogether
Image credits: xcrazyraerae
More people have joined the thread to comment on the subject
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Image credits: gravax
Image credits: texas_lexas
Image credits: LeratoTsotetsii
Image credits: tifaniesco_
Image credits: chloeweso
There‘s a difference between blaming women because they wore slutty clothes and telling women it‘s safer if they take a friend with them if they go somewhere. Yes, the rapists are always the ones at fault, no question about that ever. But the victim is the one who suffers and may have a lifelong trauma, being at fault or not. General advice - watch your drink, take a friend with you etc. - is good and important. Advice that is female-specific, like not to wear short skirts, is stupid. If we want to change anything, we should address these advices to everyone, not just women. Men may not be as likely to be raped, but they‘re as likely to be robbed or beaten up. But society never considers them potential victims since they’re expected to be strong and self-reliant.
Ah, and the 'I was drunk' thing - that NEEDS to stop being a reason for mitigation of punishment. If you can’t handle alcohol, don’t drink. Makes my blood boil...
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There was a famous study done decades ago where a scientist literally asked rapists to answer an anonymous survey with questions regarding their motivation and tactiic. Guess what didn't “motivate“ them? Supposedly “slutty“ clothes! They all picked their victims by measures like “has a ponytail I can grab her by“ and in general looked for women they judged they could easily over power without being seen.
The study is mentioned in this article: https://m.dw.com/en/the-psychology-of-a-rapist/a-54814540
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Important to understand that what is being addressed here is the fact that women are frequently expected to take steps to avoid sexual assault, as if the responsibility was on them. Women do well to be conscious of danger - men would do well to A) not assault, B) reject rape culture.
Unless she says clearly "YES" (and is in condition to understand that she is saying) it is no. Simple.
I’ve always said to take no at face value, then get up and start to leave. Before you’re out the door, it will be crystal clear whether that no was a no (“Talk to you later. Good Night”), or a coy yes (“Hey Baby, where ya goin’?”). Universal advice that applies to any and all possible kinds of potential coupling.
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Sexual assault is and forever will be something that our society has to deal with. Sexual assault is about getting power and not sex, so telling someone to watch what they wear is completely useless. I learned in a class that a lot of rapists go after women who have a ponytail, are wearing overalls, are disabled, or are elderly. This makes it easier for them to overpower the victim.
Problem is, decent men don't need those and rapist won't follow these advice anyway.
It's not about actually trying to get people to follow the list, it's about making a point.
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Look up the animated video about serving people tea against their will
I am fortunate enough not to be a victim myself, but just a quick story about a friend, who travelled to her home country, Poland, to attend a family wedding. The night before, she went out to a bar, to reconnect with her college friends, some of whom were also going to be at the wedding. And although she was only talking & mingling within the group of women she was with and no one saw her leave, some prick managed to spike her drink. She only had the one drink. Luckily her friends never lost sight of her and brought her safely home, where she was horribly sick the whole night and the following day, she missed the wedding (she spent money, time and effort to attend a once in a lifetime event, you know), all wasted, and nearly had to go to the hospital too. But on the bright side, it could've been even worse.
It is an unfortunate reality that women and men get raped world-wide, but refusing to do things to protect yourself because you should be able to go for a jog by yourself in the woods (which I agree, all should be able to) is like throwing out your fire extinquishers because in the ideal world you don't need them. Always protect yourself in some way. Reality isn't always pretty or ideal.
How to avoid lion attack: Beware of blood loss. Do not chew off limbs that aren't yours.
I guess this is interesting. I don't think the sentence "Knowing what a devastating crime sexual harassment and assault really is, most common advice is, in fact, addressed to women rather than the potential perpetrators." That's pretty much how it is with everyone. For instance, I've been taught not to leave purses or wallets on car seats because they'd likely be stolen. People give advice to other people to stay safe because they care about them and don't want them to be hurt. Sure, the blame is one whoever commits the crime, but advising people on how to stay safe isn't blaming them for it. It's often done out of care for that person. However, when someone blatantly blames another person for being a victim that isn't right.
A friend i consider very smart complained about what women wore to nightclubs: "How cn guys help it?" I'm gay and said to him, "I am turned on by what you're wearing. I want sex from you." He had an epiphany.
Not quite. The article is a PSA aimed at sex offenders who likely won't stop just because someone online told them to. The comments are saying that even though it's f****d up the reality is that women should take precautions to avoid being in a compromising situation. Nobody here thinks precautions are the ultimate solution — countless victims say otherwise. But there are some victims who don't take enough precautions, such as those who go out alone at night in sketchy areas with no means of self defense. Are they responsible for what happened? No, the rapist is. Were they asking for it? Absolutely not. Did they deserve it? Not a chance. But did they do their part to prevent it? No. The sad reality is that these monsters exist & it's necessary to protect oneself until we figure out a way to get rid of them once & for all.
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Very funny, but I still won't advocate for my niece to walk down a dark poorly lit lane to her house after work. I'm not "victim blaming", I'm realistic that horrible people exist, and they are opportunists, and no amount of "he shouldn't have done that" will undo what they can do. There are monsters out there people! Real life monsters that will do horrible things to you and those you love, male and female alike, they are actively looking for people they can victimize and will take even a split seconds opportunity. A friend of mine might have stopped a woman being drugged at a bar because he 'thought' he saw someone dropping something in a woman's drink, security cameras were checked, nobody could be sure, but they all thought it was possible something went into the drink. She had been standing right next to it the entire time. It happens. Time tested advice on ways to lower your chance of being one of their targets is not "victim blaming".
Oh I get it now, DON'T sexually assault women. Oh boy is my face red!
Just realised this posts under my own name, it's a joke don't miss that and send me backlash
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The problem is that many (arguably, most) sexual assaults are committed by seemingly "normal" people. The idea that it's only psychos (who are clearly and easily identifiable as monsters) that offend allows perpetrators to hide in plain sight. It allows people to ignore the rape joke their friend made, because he couldn't *really* think rape is funny, he's not a monster, it's just my old pal Bill. But rapists don't exist in a vacuum. They have family and friends and colleagues who mostly *don't* think they are sex offenders until it is revealed. So much of the language around sexual crime places the blame on the victim. It was her fault for wearing that, going there, living her life that way. This thread highlights the absurdity of that view by appropriating it's tropes and flipping them to reveal where the real blame lies. It's target is not just the sex offenders, it's all of society that enables them.
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I'm going to assume you are arguing in good faith and point out the flaw in your logic. When *you* say rape, I'm assuming that you envision a "man with a mask hiding in the dark behind a bush, jumping out and grabbing a woman"... which is an extreme minority of actual sexual assault cases. Yes, saying "stop being bad" to someone like that, who is obviously a sociopath is pointless. But sexual assault is such a bigger spectrum of events. A large percentage of "date rape" perpetrators are guys who more-or-less know better but take things too far. Their friends reinforce the behavior as normal and OK, so when they have the *metaphoric* angel on one shoulder saying "this is wrong" and devil on the other shoulder saying "Just do it, give in to your primal nature"... they listen to the devil. There are people who will do evil/good no matter what society tells them. Then there is the majority that buckles to peer pressure. Pressure them to stop taking things too far.
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No. The real solution is to teach people, men AND women, not to rape and to respect when somebody does not want to have sex with you. We need to stop rape and rapists, NOT JUST teaching people how to defend themselves. We do both
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Ah yes, we women should all be weating burqas then so our bodies, that we are born with “doesn't hang out“ or what? Your logic is flawed.
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A safe is not a person and does not suffer from being locked up. Women are expected to give up their freedom, and they do suffer from that because women are people.
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& then we would have the issue of innocent men being shot for "following" a woman home even if he just so happened to be walking in the same direction or other misunderstandings which are justifiable on the woman's part but can result in deadly consequences. Don't add mentos to the Coke. Guns create more problems than they solve.
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There‘s a difference between blaming women because they wore slutty clothes and telling women it‘s safer if they take a friend with them if they go somewhere. Yes, the rapists are always the ones at fault, no question about that ever. But the victim is the one who suffers and may have a lifelong trauma, being at fault or not. General advice - watch your drink, take a friend with you etc. - is good and important. Advice that is female-specific, like not to wear short skirts, is stupid. If we want to change anything, we should address these advices to everyone, not just women. Men may not be as likely to be raped, but they‘re as likely to be robbed or beaten up. But society never considers them potential victims since they’re expected to be strong and self-reliant.
Ah, and the 'I was drunk' thing - that NEEDS to stop being a reason for mitigation of punishment. If you can’t handle alcohol, don’t drink. Makes my blood boil...
Load More Replies... There was a famous study done decades ago where a scientist literally asked rapists to answer an anonymous survey with questions regarding their motivation and tactiic. Guess what didn't “motivate“ them? Supposedly “slutty“ clothes! They all picked their victims by measures like “has a ponytail I can grab her by“ and in general looked for women they judged they could easily over power without being seen.
The study is mentioned in this article: https://m.dw.com/en/the-psychology-of-a-rapist/a-54814540
Load More Replies... Important to understand that what is being addressed here is the fact that women are frequently expected to take steps to avoid sexual assault, as if the responsibility was on them. Women do well to be conscious of danger - men would do well to A) not assault, B) reject rape culture.
Unless she says clearly "YES" (and is in condition to understand that she is saying) it is no. Simple.
I’ve always said to take no at face value, then get up and start to leave. Before you’re out the door, it will be crystal clear whether that no was a no (“Talk to you later. Good Night”), or a coy yes (“Hey Baby, where ya goin’?”). Universal advice that applies to any and all possible kinds of potential coupling.
Load More Replies... Sexual assault is and forever will be something that our society has to deal with. Sexual assault is about getting power and not sex, so telling someone to watch what they wear is completely useless. I learned in a class that a lot of rapists go after women who have a ponytail, are wearing overalls, are disabled, or are elderly. This makes it easier for them to overpower the victim.
Problem is, decent men don't need those and rapist won't follow these advice anyway.
It's not about actually trying to get people to follow the list, it's about making a point.
Load More Replies... Look up the animated video about serving people tea against their will
I am fortunate enough not to be a victim myself, but just a quick story about a friend, who travelled to her home country, Poland, to attend a family wedding. The night before, she went out to a bar, to reconnect with her college friends, some of whom were also going to be at the wedding. And although she was only talking & mingling within the group of women she was with and no one saw her leave, some prick managed to spike her drink. She only had the one drink. Luckily her friends never lost sight of her and brought her safely home, where she was horribly sick the whole night and the following day, she missed the wedding (she spent money, time and effort to attend a once in a lifetime event, you know), all wasted, and nearly had to go to the hospital too. But on the bright side, it could've been even worse.
It is an unfortunate reality that women and men get raped world-wide, but refusing to do things to protect yourself because you should be able to go for a jog by yourself in the woods (which I agree, all should be able to) is like throwing out your fire extinquishers because in the ideal world you don't need them. Always protect yourself in some way. Reality isn't always pretty or ideal.
How to avoid lion attack: Beware of blood loss. Do not chew off limbs that aren't yours.
I guess this is interesting. I don't think the sentence "Knowing what a devastating crime sexual harassment and assault really is, most common advice is, in fact, addressed to women rather than the potential perpetrators." That's pretty much how it is with everyone. For instance, I've been taught not to leave purses or wallets on car seats because they'd likely be stolen. People give advice to other people to stay safe because they care about them and don't want them to be hurt. Sure, the blame is one whoever commits the crime, but advising people on how to stay safe isn't blaming them for it. It's often done out of care for that person. However, when someone blatantly blames another person for being a victim that isn't right.
A friend i consider very smart complained about what women wore to nightclubs: "How cn guys help it?" I'm gay and said to him, "I am turned on by what you're wearing. I want sex from you." He had an epiphany.
Not quite. The article is a PSA aimed at sex offenders who likely won't stop just because someone online told them to. The comments are saying that even though it's f****d up the reality is that women should take precautions to avoid being in a compromising situation. Nobody here thinks precautions are the ultimate solution — countless victims say otherwise. But there are some victims who don't take enough precautions, such as those who go out alone at night in sketchy areas with no means of self defense. Are they responsible for what happened? No, the rapist is. Were they asking for it? Absolutely not. Did they deserve it? Not a chance. But did they do their part to prevent it? No. The sad reality is that these monsters exist & it's necessary to protect oneself until we figure out a way to get rid of them once & for all.
Load More Replies... Very funny, but I still won't advocate for my niece to walk down a dark poorly lit lane to her house after work. I'm not "victim blaming", I'm realistic that horrible people exist, and they are opportunists, and no amount of "he shouldn't have done that" will undo what they can do. There are monsters out there people! Real life monsters that will do horrible things to you and those you love, male and female alike, they are actively looking for people they can victimize and will take even a split seconds opportunity. A friend of mine might have stopped a woman being drugged at a bar because he 'thought' he saw someone dropping something in a woman's drink, security cameras were checked, nobody could be sure, but they all thought it was possible something went into the drink. She had been standing right next to it the entire time. It happens. Time tested advice on ways to lower your chance of being one of their targets is not "victim blaming".
Oh I get it now, DON'T sexually assault women. Oh boy is my face red!
Just realised this posts under my own name, it's a joke don't miss that and send me backlash
Load More Replies... The problem is that many (arguably, most) sexual assaults are committed by seemingly "normal" people. The idea that it's only psychos (who are clearly and easily identifiable as monsters) that offend allows perpetrators to hide in plain sight. It allows people to ignore the rape joke their friend made, because he couldn't *really* think rape is funny, he's not a monster, it's just my old pal Bill. But rapists don't exist in a vacuum. They have family and friends and colleagues who mostly *don't* think they are sex offenders until it is revealed. So much of the language around sexual crime places the blame on the victim. It was her fault for wearing that, going there, living her life that way. This thread highlights the absurdity of that view by appropriating it's tropes and flipping them to reveal where the real blame lies. It's target is not just the sex offenders, it's all of society that enables them.
Load More Replies... I'm going to assume you are arguing in good faith and point out the flaw in your logic. When *you* say rape, I'm assuming that you envision a "man with a mask hiding in the dark behind a bush, jumping out and grabbing a woman"... which is an extreme minority of actual sexual assault cases. Yes, saying "stop being bad" to someone like that, who is obviously a sociopath is pointless. But sexual assault is such a bigger spectrum of events. A large percentage of "date rape" perpetrators are guys who more-or-less know better but take things too far. Their friends reinforce the behavior as normal and OK, so when they have the *metaphoric* angel on one shoulder saying "this is wrong" and devil on the other shoulder saying "Just do it, give in to your primal nature"... they listen to the devil. There are people who will do evil/good no matter what society tells them. Then there is the majority that buckles to peer pressure. Pressure them to stop taking things too far.
Load More Replies... No. The real solution is to teach people, men AND women, not to rape and to respect when somebody does not want to have sex with you. We need to stop rape and rapists, NOT JUST teaching people how to defend themselves. We do both
Load More Replies... Ah yes, we women should all be weating burqas then so our bodies, that we are born with “doesn't hang out“ or what? Your logic is flawed.
Load More Replies... A safe is not a person and does not suffer from being locked up. Women are expected to give up their freedom, and they do suffer from that because women are people.
Load More Replies... & then we would have the issue of innocent men being shot for "following" a woman home even if he just so happened to be walking in the same direction or other misunderstandings which are justifiable on the woman's part but can result in deadly consequences. Don't add mentos to the Coke. Guns create more problems than they solve.
Load More Replies... 
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