Horses, the flawless, majestic beasts whose hoofbeats match the beats of your heart, whose flowy manes remind you of your warmest dreams, with noble eyes that peer right into your soul. The tireless helpers of humans, on whose backs civilizations were built. The relentless poop-producers, the professionals of getting spooked at their own farts, then having a misstep in the process and generating a vet bill equal to your trust fund. Powerful beasts capable of running all day relentlessly, yet lacking the ability to puke and just deciding to die after eating one too many apples. Aaaah, the duality of the blue-blooded steed is surely an inspiration for clever puns. And since we haven’t already talked about these four-legged, odd-toed rascals, it’s about time that we dedicate an article to them. And you know the homages that we like the most, so get ready for an awesome article full of only the best horse puns!

Even thinking about the hilarity that’s soon to unfold before your very own eyes makes us laugh to the point where our voices get a little horse. Oh, and talking about little horses, did you know that ponies are Satan’s pets? Haven’t you heard it before? Then just talk about it with anyone in possession of such a deceptively cute furry demon, and they’ll definitely confirm this notion! As will some of our clever quotes, indeed. Although their bigger brothers (in fact, the bigger, the more kindhearted) are a bit closer to divinity, their gracefulness is matched with clumsiness, and their couldn’t-care-less attitude really shines through when they decide to release a huge cloud of noxious fumes from their behind straight into your nostrils. Charming! As charming, in fact, as these silly puns themselves! The duality with horses is an ever-persistent one, and if this moment you are witnessing an ethereal entity galloping through a sunshiny meadow, then the next, the same 600-kilo beast slips and smacks down right on his behind. While farting, of course. And since this duality will never leave horses, it will also never leave the hilarious puns associated with them as some of them are both corny yet clever, silly yet smart.

Alrighty, then, we’re definitely hot to trot for some hilarious puns, and hopefully, you are too! You’ll find our picks of the funniest horse puns just a couple of hoofbeats below, and trust us, some of them are exactly like they came from a horse’s mouth! Meaning, awesome! Then, after you’re done reading these cool puns and are neighing from the hilarity, give the puns that have tickled your fancy a vote. Also, share this article with your friends and that one horse-obsessed girl you went to school with. 

#1

Maybe she’s barn with it… Maybe it’s neighbelline.

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#2

Just got paid? It’s nice to be financially stable.

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#3

We had a government-employed doctor in our area who was half horse and half man. He was from the centaur for disease control.

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#4

Scratchy throat? You sound a little hoarse.

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#5

My neighbor has a horse that has an explosive pace. I guess we should name him Neigh-palm!

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#6

Can I ask you equestrian? Neigh.

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#7

I bought a horse on the spur of the moment. It was a bad decision, and now I am saddled with tons and tons of responsibilities!

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#8

Why did the horse cross the road? Because somebody shouted hay!

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#9

Our neighbor has a horse named Mayo, and well, Mayo neighs a lot.

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#10

Horses are avid readers of books by J.K. Rowling. Their favorite book is Harry Trotter and Hoofblood Prince.

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#11

After visiting the bathroom, the winged horse used the pegaflushes!

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#12

My friend is half horse… And always the centaur of attention.

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#13

My horse is nocturnal… A true night-mare!

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#14

What type of computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh.

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#15

Jockeys are often considered to be clouds as they hold the reins!

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#16

I saw my brother riding uncomfortably on a tall horse. I told him to get off his high horse!

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#17

The only horse which will never lose a bet is Sherbet!

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#18

Before the much-anticipated race, my jockey was very anxious. So I told him not to be impatient and hold on to his horses!

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#19

If your horses get possessed by demons, only consult an ex-horse-ist!

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#20

A little horse borrowed some money from his big brother and couldn't pay him back for quite a while. So, one day his brother became impatient and told him, "pony up!"

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#21

The horse stalls at the racetrack were labeled F, E, D, B, and A. I got confused, and when asked about it, they said it was because no one had ever bet on a seahorse.

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#22

Just before the race, the young horse was extremely charged up as it ate a little bit of haywire!

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#23

Ponies are wonderful hosts as they have amazing horse-pitality!

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#24

Why did the horses always miss the support acts at gigs? They are only interested in the mane attraction.

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#25

Why don’t horses like being promoted? They hate being saddled with extra responsibility.

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#26

What’s another term for a horse haircut? Mane-tenance.

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#27

Those things they put in horses’ mouths – do they hurt? A bit.

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#28

Go to bed! It’s pasture bedtime!

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#29

Who were the two best horse thieves in the world? Bonnie and Clydesdale!

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#30

I heard you have a new boyfriend. He’s my mane man! My ride-or-die!

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#31

Why are we going so slow? Just need a little more horsepower.

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#32

Would you like some ketchup? And mayo-neighs?

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#33

My horse is in the hospital… But good news! He’s stable!

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#34

Did you like these horse puns? Yay or neigh?

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#35

What type of horses only go out at night? Night-mares.

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#36

What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

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#37

Where do horses shop? Old Neigh-vy.

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#38

Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital.

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#39

Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it!

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#40

Why did the horse eat with its mouth open? Because it had bad stable manners.

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#41

The farm owner has a couple of horses and a huge sum of money in his bank. He is definitely financially stable!

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#42

The little pony didn't win the singing competition as he was a little hoarse!

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#43

The stallion was an avid adventurer and has visited many places across the world. He surely is a globe-trotter!

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#44

The man who owned the riding school was in dire straits as his business always kept falling down!

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#45

My neighbor has a horse who always neighs loudly at night. She's a night-mare to live with!

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#46

I once got in a bit of trouble and decided to ask my horse for advice. My friend told me not to because horses are a couple of neigh sayers.

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#47

I saw my horse watching TV, so I asked him what was his favorite show. He replied, 'The Neigh-bors'.

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#48

I was riding my horse whose ropes were painted every color. I named it rein-bow.

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#49

The arrogant horse was picked on by the other animals of the farm as they thought the horse would stirrup trouble any day.

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#50

A Bronco went to a shop to buy a packet of juice, but the manager kicked him out because he just had one buck.

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#51

One of the most difficult jobs is to talk with a racehorse. They hardly stand furlong!

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#52

Princess Elsa never really feared any horses. Probably because the colt never bothered her anyway.

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#53

Horses are extremely fond of playing indoor games. They usually spend their leisure time playing stable tennis!

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#54

The arrested horse was released by the police because it de-neigh-ed everything.

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#55

The bad horse didn't want to answer any question that was asked of him, so he kept on stalling!

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#56

There was a joust, but the horse missed it as he had the knight off!

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#57

The good horse has always maintained a good shape as he had a stable diet!

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#58

The amateur artist displayed a lot of horse paintings and drawings as he was eager to mount an exhibit!

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#59

The horse was shown the red card and asked to leave the field while playing soccer as he would foal very often!

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#60

Horses only ever go to one place to cut and get their hair done. They all go to Maine.

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#61

I recently bought a painting from a farmer who only draws pictures of horses and cows. His name I heard is Oscar Moo-neigh.

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#62

Horses only ever have one hospital where they can go to have babies. It's in Philly.

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#63

I finally scolded my horse a lot because it ate all of the bedding in its stable, and it was the last straw.

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#64

I had this recurring dream that I had become a horse since last week. I had it tonight too. Now it's six nights on the trot.

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#65

After saving up his salary, the horse decided to buy the car he dreamt of. It was a Fjord Focus!

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#66

Horses usually travel via inter-galloptic space when traveling from one galaxy to another!

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#67

The horse was getting ready for the gala, so he visited his tail-or to get his suit fixed!

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#68

The stylish horse's hair always shines brightly in the sun as he mane-tains it!

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#69

Which opinion poll do horses put most faith in? Gallup.

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#70

How was the horse after the accident? In a stable condition.

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#71

How did the horse with the speech impediment feel after corrective surgery went wrong? A bit filly.

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#72

Why do horses queue up so badly? They’re always jockeying for position.

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#73

Which seats do horses book at the theatre? Anywhere in the stalls.

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#74

What did the Italian horse say when he heard there was a speed between trot and gallop? I canter believe it!

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#75

What kind of vacuum cleaner do horses prefer? A Hoofer.

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#76

Did you see how good that new blacksmith was at fitting horseshoes? He absolutely nailed it!

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#77

What boxing technique does a horse prefer? The pommel.

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#78

Rein it in with the gossip! You’ll stirrup trouble.

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#79

Have you ever heard of the band Foals? They have a colt following.

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#80

Still complaining? Get off your high horse.

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#81

Let’s skip the opening act. I only care to see the mane event.

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#82

What do you call a horse who lives next door? Neighbor!

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#83

To be or not to be… That is the equestrian.

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#84

Come on kid… Quit foaling around!

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#85

Help! I’ve fallen and can’t giddy-up!

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#86

What did the mare tell her filly after dinner? “Don’t forget to clear the stable!”

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#87

What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? One is reined up and the other rains down.

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#88

I read a novel that had the story of a runaway horse. It was such a bad tale of 'whoa'.

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#89

When the little horse stayed up late at night, his father shouted at him, "Little foal go to bed as it is pasture bedtime".

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#90

My brother woke up late and was running late for work, so I told him to hoof it!

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#91

The only disease that most horses are scared of is Hay fever!

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#92

Before an important race, the champion horse prefers eating bread. His favorite is the thoroughbred!

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#93

A horse that has a negative attitude in life can always be seen saying "Neigh".

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#94

The newly married horses were looking for a place to stay. They finally went to a hotel and booked the bridle suit!

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#95

A lion decided to become a horse. So decided to name himself Stal-lion!

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#96

The fanciest horse which never takes part in a race is a clotheshorse!

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#97

The little train which was named 'Pony' could gallop really fast as it had a very powerful horsepower engine!

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#98

Horses are extremely independent animals, and they can talk whinney wants to!

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#99

During winter, my horse developed a sore throat. So, I gave him a cough stirrup!

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#100

Horses that participate in races have special diets. They only eat fast foods!

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#101

My brother applied as an assistant stable caretaker. The farm really needs a co-pile-it!

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#102

If a horse is asked to cast his vote for the Senate of the horses, it usually had the option of a hay or a neigh!

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#103

The pony was a good journalist as he always brought news straight from the horse's mouth!

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#104

The white horse decided to run away from his own wedding. He probably got colt feet!

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#105

The horse, while climbing a mountain, fell down and said to his friend, "Help me please, I cannot giddyup".

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#106

A horse in the jungle lost all his clothes and ran around to find some. Whenever the other horses saw him, they pointed at him and shouted, "Neigh-kid! neigh-kid!"

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#107

In a game of poker, the horse kept on losing but won the game in the last round. It was amazing how the stables turned in the end!

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#108

The only American Football team that every horse supports is the Denver Broncos.

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#109

A horse won the horse racing competition at school and became quite popular overnight. He was the new stud of the school.

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#110

The anthem for horses is 'Watch me whip… watch me neigh neigh'.

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#111

In a race, a horse named 'Black Beauty' beat the odds to win the race. Guess she was indeed the dark horse!

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#112

Just before any thunder, horses see lightning colts!

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#113

The teacher horse who specialized in teaching philosophy displayed a glass half-filled with water and asked his students, "Is the glass hood empty or hoof filled?"

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#114

The young horse was ambitious to join the top colleges of the country. He wanted to join the neigh-vy league!

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#115

Horses usually carry their lunches to work wrapped in aluminum foal!

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#116

One should never insult any jockey. It's because they always get angry and take of-fence.

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#117

Horses are very bad at boxing as they just keep on hitting the hay!

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#118

The young pony was wildly excited about being called up to the sports rally as he thought it would be a big end-horse-ment!

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#119

Just before the final race, one horse wanted to quit, so his friend asked him if it was an equest-ionable decision!

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#120

The horse bought a house, and he decided to pay his mortgage in in-stallion-ments for ten years!

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#121

When the Jedi Knight was to embark on a long adventure, his horse wished him, "May the horse be with you".

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#122

While visiting a shopping mall, the horse had to visit the loo, so he went to the bathroom stall-ion.

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#123

When does a horse get depressed by the weather? When it reins.

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#124

Why did the horse get an award? It was out standing in its field.

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#125

What is a horse’s favorite bread? Thorough.

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#126

How do you greet the horse living next door? Howdy, neigh-bour.

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#127

When do horses always stand to attention? Whenever you play the Grand National Anthem.

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#128

Did you hear the joke about the horse that was hobbled? It’s a bit lame.

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#129

What do you use to make a horse change gear? A canter-lever.

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#130

What’s a horse’s favorite sport? Stable-tennis!

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#131

Wine? Sure, I’ll have some Chardonhay.

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#132

Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.

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#133

Why do horses fart when they buck? Because they can’t achieve full horse power without gas.

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#134

Horses are exceptional lawyers as they always capture the attention to de-tail!

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#135

Horses love rock music, and they adore the band, Queen. Their favorite song is 'Crazy Little Thing Colt Love'.

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#136

The little horse was scolded by his teacher as he always kept foaling around the class!

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#137

The only cheese that can completely disguise a small horse is a mascarpone!

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#138

The horse had no friends as he always bail-ed on everyone!

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#139

Horses usually drink wine and champagne on a de-canter!

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#140

Horses love country music. Their favorite musician and singer is Colt-on Underwood!

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#141

The only degree that a horse achieves after completing college is a pedegree!

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#142

Horse’s favorite pop duo? Stall and Oats!

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