This Woman Who Couldn’t Afford Food Explains Why She Spent $25 On Candles And Her Story Is Heartbreaking
People who struggle to make ends meet often face judgment for choices they make. Tumblr user Parisianqueen named Arella knows it all too well. She decided to share a situation that made people close to her angry. During the time when she struggled financially and had no home, she decided to buy $25 worth of candles. While this decision made no sense for others, she explains that this purchase was a huge motivator to get back on her feet. Arella’s explanation why we shouldn’t rush to judge prompted others to share similar experiences. Scroll below to read the stories! (Facebook cover image: slgckgc)
Image credits: okiobdesigns (not the actual photo)
Arella’s situation prompted other users to share their own thoughts
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Share on FacebookBest to watch and listen. During civil wars and times of deprivation, women dyed their hair, wore heels, mended stockings, because it created routine, joy, hope and a sense of normalcy, like this woman has done
I started out ready to judge this woman, and the story changed my mind. thank you.
As a person on the lower rung of the economic ladder, I have to be honest that sometimes, you have to do something nice for yourself. I’m not starving. I’m lucky enough to have food stamps. But we don’t have a lot of extra money. My mother and I can’t afford a house of our own. But we can afford a chocolate bar every blue moon, so we’re going to buy that damn chocolate bar. Buy what you can afford and makes you happy, so long as it doesn’t interfere with survival and security. Sometimes, saving your money just isn’t going to get you to your goal of a home for yourself, or an unnecessary bill. So you might as well try to be happy. But that’s just me-
I used to be mean to my mom growing up when she would buy showbiz magazines for herself. I feel that she should have bought eggs instead rather than spend it in foolish trinkets. I am the eldest and in the absence of my dad I am forced to co-raise my siblings.Now in perspective that is the only escape my poor mom has having to raise 6 kids with a good for nothing husband. We did not even have a TV because in drunken rage my father smashed it to pieces. She did not even go to parks and she never had a me-time while we were growing up.Sometimes when we are hardened by too much reality, practicality and common sense makes us fail to see that being human also means the need to enjoy simple pleasures in life. I feel so sorry that I have been mean to her. There were very few opportunities for growth during her time when our country was under a dictator. It was different during my time when my hard work and that of my generation is paid off that I even managed to get out of the country.
Load More Replies...When I was at my poorest, re-sewing my clothes hundreds of times because of all the weight i kept loosing. Not being able to afford food. I once completely broke down in the store because of the box of christmas cookies i wasnt able to afford and it just made me so angry and furious and sad... So there am I, crying my eyes out over a box of 3€ cookies. I promised myself this is the last time this happens to me or anyone close to me. Got my s**t together and unfortnately also all the weight :D
What classes as a "luxury" for some is sadly something a person higher up the ladder may not even give a 2nd thought to buying. In turn, a luxury for this group is something trivial to those on the next step, so on and so on. Until you get to the top where luxury is just the norm, have everything they could desire and nothing at all to aspire to --- behold the "idle rich"
Buying expensive "luxuries" is only a real issue if it's recurrent and is constantly stopping the person from reaching their financial goals and/or getting them into debt, specially if they can't help themselves. A one time purchase of a thing you really, really wanted is not only okay but a huge motivator to keep working hard... People need to live, not just survive.
I'm glad I read this, it made me remember the times my husband and were "dirt floor poor" and were trying to feed 4 kids and us.Things like this helped us both.
Thank you Simon for your post I traveled to the time you were describing and I wore the flour sack dresses and I could almost see the pattern on the wedding rings I have been poor and homeless and I was often judged by my own family members for getting my hair done once every 12 weeks or if I bought a poster to put on my wall but I got my sh*t together and trained as a pastoral nurse
I'm an RN and some nurses on my old unit would make comments about housekeeping and environmental services having Michael Kors bags. "They wouldn't be poor if they'd stop buying luxury. I make X amount and I don't own any Michael Kors." The handbags were not real Michael Kors, and I asked the other nurses what poor people should wear. They admitted they didn't know, but not anything resembling luxury. =(
It's also possible that they didn't pay luxury prices for the real thing. My wife has a real talent for finding gems at the local Goodwill store. Her personal favorite is actually the holders for those candles that she picks up for a buck, but she also has a Fossil bag that she only paid six dollars for.
Load More Replies...wow. This literally made me cry. I´m a single mom and I work just for my daughter... Most of the times I dont´t give myself a gift: new clothes, a little trip, a new whatever just because I want to make sure I´m gonna be able to afford her education, her future... I still have some goals to achieve and dreams to come true. Maybe I need to do what this woman did: get something that represents what my life is gonna be like when I finally achieve those goals, bc that works like a connection to my future.
it's really an inspiration post... I am more or less in the same situation but mine has been going on for 9 years and still no light at the end of the tunel but the worst of all is that my sis may be seriously ill, that is what makes me sweat..the rest are just material things.
Non-poor people judge poor people as an excuse not to do anything to help.
Nearly 2 years ago I was in the same situation for months and have eaten sometimes for days nothing but hard eggs, sold my laptop,that was my only valuable, just so I could gather all my money, so when I visited my new ( long distance) boyfriend, I could act "normal" and not to have him pity me, or make him think I want his money. One year now, since I got out of all debts and in the mean time I became assistant manager have a home and good salary. This just made me stronger and will never judge anyone for doing what this lady did! You never know what's behind the most beautiful smiles!
I enjoyed reading the comments by people who were able to eventually improve their economic situation. But, sadly, there are many for whom that will never happen. Little luxuries can make life worth living for someone who knows their situation will never change. It's unfair to condemn someone for spending $5 for a fast food meal. They very people judging them went out last night to a fancy sit down restaurant and spent $100 with tip. Judging a homeless person for buying a pack of cigarettes (the cheap kind you would never smoke), because this maybe the only enjoyable thing they have in their lives. Just owning something nice that was once your grandmother's is a comfort. You treasure it and take care of it. You would never think of pawning it no matter how hard things become.
For those of us in this position, I thank you so much for these stories.
My family is close to this now. We are a family of six living on less than $25,000/year. I go to the food pantry, we shop at Goodwill, etc. However, I'm currently going to college and receive extra student loan money that's left after my tuition has been paid. So twice a year we get to sit down and budget major expenses for the next six months, pay off the credit cards (again), set aside money for the girls' birthdays and Christmas, buy ourselves much needed replacement clothes (being plus size can be very expensive!), and get ourselves that one big ticket item we've really been wanting. This year my husband is getting a set of headphones for his tv so it doesn't disturb the girls who sleep right next door, and I'm getting a FitBit! Something I've wanted for years!
MAD respect, O/P ... in the toughest times for us, hubby would buy me a rose... or a candle....to make me feel 'real.' Thanks for sharing, many tears shed...best of luck to you~!
no matter the situation you find yourself in, EVERYone needs something to lift them up and give them hope! happy that the OP's was candles & not drugs/alcohol. A "guilty pleasure" really shouldn't make you feel guilt, but comfort--others would do well to think about this before sticking their noses where they don't belong...
This is the same reason how I came to realize the value of any form of entertainment in human life. Humans are not ants who live their whole lives working for food and shelter. We are so complex. I have read a quote that says - Do not mock somone's passion for it's what saves them from the world.
Wow! Wasn't sure it was a smart move at first but this really made me think :)
Ok, I get why she bought them, but there is a difference between someone who cannot afford the purchase a "luxury" item on a daily basis versus someone who purchased one or two items to help them keep their goals in sight.
My grandfather told me a story once. He was a teenager during the Great Dust Bowl in Kansas and the Great Depression years. They were very poor and ate beans everyday. His sister got married and for the wedding, they splurged on candy bars for the wedding party. He had never had one...ever. He took it home and kept it in his bedside drawer and would nibble off a bite every night savoring it like treasure. It took him a full month to eat that candy bar slowly bite by bite. That's how poor they were and how much that meant to him. He grew up to be a very industrious hard worker and was a very wealthy man until he passed away a few years ago around the age of 98. He always kept that mentality from his youth of saving what he could for his family. Too bad many of those Great Depression folks have passed away. They were the Greatest Generation and we had a lot to learn from them.
This women is great , enjoyed reading this article http://www.busrentdubai.ae
I remember reading how Laura Wilder spent the winter living in a mercantile with her mother and sisters while her dad went away for work. She said one of the best things about staying there was being allowed to have one soda cracker a day from a large barrel. She savored every bite because she didn't get them any other time. Reading her books made me appreciate what I had. It's too bad they've been banned.
I love this perspective. Those small things and trinkets we deem too luxurious for the underpriviledged’ status are symbols of their hopes and dreams. I should always keep this in mind that I will not shatter it. After all what is life if you do not enjoy it under the most trying if circumstances? It is a beautiful thought and reminder.
Best to watch and listen. During civil wars and times of deprivation, women dyed their hair, wore heels, mended stockings, because it created routine, joy, hope and a sense of normalcy, like this woman has done
I started out ready to judge this woman, and the story changed my mind. thank you.
As a person on the lower rung of the economic ladder, I have to be honest that sometimes, you have to do something nice for yourself. I’m not starving. I’m lucky enough to have food stamps. But we don’t have a lot of extra money. My mother and I can’t afford a house of our own. But we can afford a chocolate bar every blue moon, so we’re going to buy that damn chocolate bar. Buy what you can afford and makes you happy, so long as it doesn’t interfere with survival and security. Sometimes, saving your money just isn’t going to get you to your goal of a home for yourself, or an unnecessary bill. So you might as well try to be happy. But that’s just me-
I used to be mean to my mom growing up when she would buy showbiz magazines for herself. I feel that she should have bought eggs instead rather than spend it in foolish trinkets. I am the eldest and in the absence of my dad I am forced to co-raise my siblings.Now in perspective that is the only escape my poor mom has having to raise 6 kids with a good for nothing husband. We did not even have a TV because in drunken rage my father smashed it to pieces. She did not even go to parks and she never had a me-time while we were growing up.Sometimes when we are hardened by too much reality, practicality and common sense makes us fail to see that being human also means the need to enjoy simple pleasures in life. I feel so sorry that I have been mean to her. There were very few opportunities for growth during her time when our country was under a dictator. It was different during my time when my hard work and that of my generation is paid off that I even managed to get out of the country.
Load More Replies...When I was at my poorest, re-sewing my clothes hundreds of times because of all the weight i kept loosing. Not being able to afford food. I once completely broke down in the store because of the box of christmas cookies i wasnt able to afford and it just made me so angry and furious and sad... So there am I, crying my eyes out over a box of 3€ cookies. I promised myself this is the last time this happens to me or anyone close to me. Got my s**t together and unfortnately also all the weight :D
What classes as a "luxury" for some is sadly something a person higher up the ladder may not even give a 2nd thought to buying. In turn, a luxury for this group is something trivial to those on the next step, so on and so on. Until you get to the top where luxury is just the norm, have everything they could desire and nothing at all to aspire to --- behold the "idle rich"
Buying expensive "luxuries" is only a real issue if it's recurrent and is constantly stopping the person from reaching their financial goals and/or getting them into debt, specially if they can't help themselves. A one time purchase of a thing you really, really wanted is not only okay but a huge motivator to keep working hard... People need to live, not just survive.
I'm glad I read this, it made me remember the times my husband and were "dirt floor poor" and were trying to feed 4 kids and us.Things like this helped us both.
Thank you Simon for your post I traveled to the time you were describing and I wore the flour sack dresses and I could almost see the pattern on the wedding rings I have been poor and homeless and I was often judged by my own family members for getting my hair done once every 12 weeks or if I bought a poster to put on my wall but I got my sh*t together and trained as a pastoral nurse
I'm an RN and some nurses on my old unit would make comments about housekeeping and environmental services having Michael Kors bags. "They wouldn't be poor if they'd stop buying luxury. I make X amount and I don't own any Michael Kors." The handbags were not real Michael Kors, and I asked the other nurses what poor people should wear. They admitted they didn't know, but not anything resembling luxury. =(
It's also possible that they didn't pay luxury prices for the real thing. My wife has a real talent for finding gems at the local Goodwill store. Her personal favorite is actually the holders for those candles that she picks up for a buck, but she also has a Fossil bag that she only paid six dollars for.
Load More Replies...wow. This literally made me cry. I´m a single mom and I work just for my daughter... Most of the times I dont´t give myself a gift: new clothes, a little trip, a new whatever just because I want to make sure I´m gonna be able to afford her education, her future... I still have some goals to achieve and dreams to come true. Maybe I need to do what this woman did: get something that represents what my life is gonna be like when I finally achieve those goals, bc that works like a connection to my future.
it's really an inspiration post... I am more or less in the same situation but mine has been going on for 9 years and still no light at the end of the tunel but the worst of all is that my sis may be seriously ill, that is what makes me sweat..the rest are just material things.
Non-poor people judge poor people as an excuse not to do anything to help.
Nearly 2 years ago I was in the same situation for months and have eaten sometimes for days nothing but hard eggs, sold my laptop,that was my only valuable, just so I could gather all my money, so when I visited my new ( long distance) boyfriend, I could act "normal" and not to have him pity me, or make him think I want his money. One year now, since I got out of all debts and in the mean time I became assistant manager have a home and good salary. This just made me stronger and will never judge anyone for doing what this lady did! You never know what's behind the most beautiful smiles!
I enjoyed reading the comments by people who were able to eventually improve their economic situation. But, sadly, there are many for whom that will never happen. Little luxuries can make life worth living for someone who knows their situation will never change. It's unfair to condemn someone for spending $5 for a fast food meal. They very people judging them went out last night to a fancy sit down restaurant and spent $100 with tip. Judging a homeless person for buying a pack of cigarettes (the cheap kind you would never smoke), because this maybe the only enjoyable thing they have in their lives. Just owning something nice that was once your grandmother's is a comfort. You treasure it and take care of it. You would never think of pawning it no matter how hard things become.
For those of us in this position, I thank you so much for these stories.
My family is close to this now. We are a family of six living on less than $25,000/year. I go to the food pantry, we shop at Goodwill, etc. However, I'm currently going to college and receive extra student loan money that's left after my tuition has been paid. So twice a year we get to sit down and budget major expenses for the next six months, pay off the credit cards (again), set aside money for the girls' birthdays and Christmas, buy ourselves much needed replacement clothes (being plus size can be very expensive!), and get ourselves that one big ticket item we've really been wanting. This year my husband is getting a set of headphones for his tv so it doesn't disturb the girls who sleep right next door, and I'm getting a FitBit! Something I've wanted for years!
MAD respect, O/P ... in the toughest times for us, hubby would buy me a rose... or a candle....to make me feel 'real.' Thanks for sharing, many tears shed...best of luck to you~!
no matter the situation you find yourself in, EVERYone needs something to lift them up and give them hope! happy that the OP's was candles & not drugs/alcohol. A "guilty pleasure" really shouldn't make you feel guilt, but comfort--others would do well to think about this before sticking their noses where they don't belong...
This is the same reason how I came to realize the value of any form of entertainment in human life. Humans are not ants who live their whole lives working for food and shelter. We are so complex. I have read a quote that says - Do not mock somone's passion for it's what saves them from the world.
Wow! Wasn't sure it was a smart move at first but this really made me think :)
Ok, I get why she bought them, but there is a difference between someone who cannot afford the purchase a "luxury" item on a daily basis versus someone who purchased one or two items to help them keep their goals in sight.
My grandfather told me a story once. He was a teenager during the Great Dust Bowl in Kansas and the Great Depression years. They were very poor and ate beans everyday. His sister got married and for the wedding, they splurged on candy bars for the wedding party. He had never had one...ever. He took it home and kept it in his bedside drawer and would nibble off a bite every night savoring it like treasure. It took him a full month to eat that candy bar slowly bite by bite. That's how poor they were and how much that meant to him. He grew up to be a very industrious hard worker and was a very wealthy man until he passed away a few years ago around the age of 98. He always kept that mentality from his youth of saving what he could for his family. Too bad many of those Great Depression folks have passed away. They were the Greatest Generation and we had a lot to learn from them.
This women is great , enjoyed reading this article http://www.busrentdubai.ae
I remember reading how Laura Wilder spent the winter living in a mercantile with her mother and sisters while her dad went away for work. She said one of the best things about staying there was being allowed to have one soda cracker a day from a large barrel. She savored every bite because she didn't get them any other time. Reading her books made me appreciate what I had. It's too bad they've been banned.
I love this perspective. Those small things and trinkets we deem too luxurious for the underpriviledged’ status are symbols of their hopes and dreams. I should always keep this in mind that I will not shatter it. After all what is life if you do not enjoy it under the most trying if circumstances? It is a beautiful thought and reminder.
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