Parents Are Loving This Mom’s Concept On Punishing Her Daughter For Putting A Hole In The Wall
Parenting requires a lot of flexibility. It’s a never-ending process of balancing unexpected and difficult situations to allow the child to learn from them as much as possible. And Rosie Lamphere from Raleigh, NC, just posted an excellent example of that.
When her 9-year-old daughter came down the stairs to confess to her that she put a hole in the wall, the little girl was devastated. She knew she did wrong, and was already feeling guilt in all of its heavy weight. Keeping her cool, Rosie took a pause and thought about how to react. Continue scrolling to learn about the brilliant course of action she came up with.
More info: Play at Home Mom | Facebook
Image credits: Play at Home Mom
After the post went viral, Rosie provided her followers with the latest developments
More info: Play at Home Mom | Facebook
Rosie shared the story on her parenting blog Play at Home Mom, and the post instantly went viral. So far, it has received a whopping 218K reactions and 249K shares. What’s also really cool about it, the text got parents exchanging ideas on discipline. “My daughter took 10 minutes to live up the courage to tell her dad about it,” Rosie told Bored Panda. “She wanted to write him a note. We all had a good laugh.”
“We would love to have people join us in our book club,” the mom added. “We are reading The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired by Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson.”
“A quote from the book that actually ties in very nicely to our original post: ‘Kids should know, at their core, that when they are hurting, and even when they’re at their worst, we will be there. We have to let them learn that with life comes pain, but that lesson should be accompanied by the deep awareness that they’ll never have to suffer alone.'”
Image credits: Play at Home Mom
Here’s what people had to say about the situation
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When I was 17 and still green at driving, I was backing my Dad's truck out of the driveway. No small feat as you had to negotiate between two posts that held the driveway gate. One wrong turn of the wheel and BAM! the left post went down. My mother yelled at me and said I was going to help fix it. My father had me out the next weekend helping him mix concrete and set the new post. I was proud of all my work. Six years later, my mother took out the same post. Without missing a beat, I turned to my mother and said "Make sure you wear your garden boots. Makes it easier to wash off the concrete if it should slop over your shoes." My Dad giggled.
That reminds me of when I was 18, just got my drivers licence and drove my parents' car into a lamp. Not once my parents made me feel terrible. All they ever told me (about fifty times) was: "The main thing was that nobody got hurt. That's the only thing that matters." I felt so guilty, so ashamed and not once in the process did they step away from this.
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Daughter should learn how to fix the wall with her Mom. Those kind of skills are invaluable.
Kids break windows and doors. They total cars. They break walls, ruin carpets, and set fire to the stove hood. It happens. If it's an accident, and you're a reasonable grown up, you hug them and say, "It's okay sweetie. I'm glad you're not hurt." If you don't want to deal with these things like a grown up, please don't have children.
I have *seen* bad parenting. I think celebrating good examples is worth a little time.
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And this is the right way to parent! Are you listening, mother of Presleigh, who shamed your little daughter all over social media?!
Why would this go viral? Is this not how any decent parent would react?
Not all parents are decent. And even decent parents can get mad and overreact
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Good parenting, but what the hell is wrong with these... walls? walls don't break like that ;p
In the UK we call it plasterboard. Used for interior non-supporting walls.
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Exactly! This really is no big deal. Yes it takes time to fix but this is just bound to happen when people live there!
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I learned not to trust at a very early age from opposite reactions. Please choose this story instead of mine when you are choosing how to respond to your kids.
On the converse side of this, I was blamed for something I didn't do when I was a kid, and no matter how much I denied it, my parents didn't believe me. I had to make up a story for how it happened. Another time I was angrily interrogated about how I could've crashed my bike so hard the wheel bent to the extent of having to reenact it. I know my parents love me, and have supported me a lot more than a lot of other people's do, but that set the precedent for how I tell my parents about my mistakes. I just don't.
As a kid who was raised on fear, yelling and sometimes physical corrections, this is an invaluable lesson. Discipline was strictly enforced and I was fearful of my parents and what they would think of what I do well into adulthood. It made me a fearful, secretive and withdrawn child. My first thought when making a mistake was "what will my parents think/do" not "how can i ask for help". Asking them for help was never an idea which crossed my mind. I don't have any children of my own, but I hope to in the near future. I really really hope that my parenting can be different from the upbringing I received and that, when anything wrong happens, my child/children will be able to think "Oh, I should call mom/dad" for help, not "My mom/dad's gonna kill me"
I accidentally broke the shower door as a kid and I was sure my dad would be furious but instead he said "I can replace the shower door but I can't replace you." I miss that man dearly.
True story - 20 years ago I had a stained glass window hanging. It meant a lot to me (i had saved up for it for a few years). On one of the 1st days of spring I was opening up all the drapes to let the sunlight in. My Son came up to me with tears running down his face, He had cracked my glass, and he knew I would see it. He was devistated he had held on to the guilt and totally punished himself. We talked it out, he went to his room to calm down and it was over. Last week we were talking and he brought up that incident, and told me that was one of the most meaningful learning moments (positive). I was not a perfect parent, but I guess I did ok.
Make her fix it. With supervision, of course. I did that when my daughter accidentally put a hole in the wall while giving a party for her friends.
Another angle. Not everyone was raised this way. There are many, many people who were raised to fear authority, to cower, to hide, to deny, etc. Those lessons of childhood don't simply go away because you made it past 18. They are ingrained. They are your default mode, your basic programming, your reflex. When dealing with other adults, and you just can't figure out why they react the way they do, remember this. Yes, as life goes on you can learn coping mechanisms, you can learn to recognize the reflex and maybe even learn to correct before anyone notices. But that takes decades, therapy, a teacher. One does not simply say to oneself, I know my reaction is wrong, this is the correct one, i'm going to do that one. You may recognize the reaction as incorrect, but have zero idea what a correct one would be. You've had no one model the behavior, and no one teach you, you aren't going to pull it out of thin air. So when dealing with adults, compassion is key.
Wow I really wish my parents knew this. Growing up (and even now) everytime i made a small mistake like drop a tissue or a big one like making a small dent in my moms car my mom would so nothing but scream and curse at me. Even in public i dropped a box while pcking things into bags and clearly and out loud she said "You are such a failure" and I just looked down and proceeded to do nothing about it and I could see in my side view that the cashier and the people around us were making that "yikes" face.
and then when i "dented" her door by opening the door and having it hit the mini hill of soil and procceded to scream at me top of the lungs and turn red on how im always breaking everything or how im constantly ruining her life and how i constantly make her life difficult and then once i got a C in a really hard Spanish Honors course and she kept yelling about how if i dont get that grade up im going to be either homeless or flipping burgers for the rest of my life and if she died around that time i would be a babysitter to my other family's kids and then for the rest of the week or two she would be giving me angry looks or just citicize the way i look or how im too fat and how she'd save so much money by not feeding my (i literally eat two meals a day a sandwich for lunch and rice and meat for dinner) but
Load More Replies...
When I was about 5 or 6 my older brother went into my parents' bedroom to play the piano and locked me out. My parents weren't home at the time. I was so angry that I took a running start at the door and kicked it as hard as I could -- and kicked a giant hole at the bottom. My brother came out and was horrified, and started telling me how Mom and Daddy were going to kill me, etc. I suffered like I have never suffered while I waited for them to come home. Wished I would die, just knew he was right and I would be in the biggest trouble of my life. When they got home I ran to them and told them what had happened -- and HE got in trouble for locking me out in the first place. I was forgiven (I mean, he was, too) and let off the hook for having been made so angry. (They knew I had punished myself by being tormented.) Of course we talked about it, etc., but I can't write the whole thing in this limited space. Bottom line -- listen to your kids and their hearts, and discipline accordingly.
This happened just a few months ago: I was trying to go through a gate at the place where I work and tore off the front fender on my car. My parents had bought the car for me so I thought they would be mad about what I did. Instead they took the car to the body shop and then took me to get a rental car while it was being repaired. They never yelled at me or showed that they were mad. I have been more careful ever since this incident.
When I was 17 and still green at driving, I was backing my Dad's truck out of the driveway. No small feat as you had to negotiate between two posts that held the driveway gate. One wrong turn of the wheel and BAM! the left post went down. My mother yelled at me and said I was going to help fix it. My father had me out the next weekend helping him mix concrete and set the new post. I was proud of all my work. Six years later, my mother took out the same post. Without missing a beat, I turned to my mother and said "Make sure you wear your garden boots. Makes it easier to wash off the concrete if it should slop over your shoes." My Dad giggled.
That reminds me of when I was 18, just got my drivers licence and drove my parents' car into a lamp. Not once my parents made me feel terrible. All they ever told me (about fifty times) was: "The main thing was that nobody got hurt. That's the only thing that matters." I felt so guilty, so ashamed and not once in the process did they step away from this.
Load More Replies... Daughter should learn how to fix the wall with her Mom. Those kind of skills are invaluable.
Kids break windows and doors. They total cars. They break walls, ruin carpets, and set fire to the stove hood. It happens. If it's an accident, and you're a reasonable grown up, you hug them and say, "It's okay sweetie. I'm glad you're not hurt." If you don't want to deal with these things like a grown up, please don't have children.
I have *seen* bad parenting. I think celebrating good examples is worth a little time.
Load More Replies... And this is the right way to parent! Are you listening, mother of Presleigh, who shamed your little daughter all over social media?!
Why would this go viral? Is this not how any decent parent would react?
Not all parents are decent. And even decent parents can get mad and overreact
Load More Replies... Good parenting, but what the hell is wrong with these... walls? walls don't break like that ;p
In the UK we call it plasterboard. Used for interior non-supporting walls.
Load More Replies... Exactly! This really is no big deal. Yes it takes time to fix but this is just bound to happen when people live there!
Load More Replies... I learned not to trust at a very early age from opposite reactions. Please choose this story instead of mine when you are choosing how to respond to your kids.
On the converse side of this, I was blamed for something I didn't do when I was a kid, and no matter how much I denied it, my parents didn't believe me. I had to make up a story for how it happened. Another time I was angrily interrogated about how I could've crashed my bike so hard the wheel bent to the extent of having to reenact it. I know my parents love me, and have supported me a lot more than a lot of other people's do, but that set the precedent for how I tell my parents about my mistakes. I just don't.
As a kid who was raised on fear, yelling and sometimes physical corrections, this is an invaluable lesson. Discipline was strictly enforced and I was fearful of my parents and what they would think of what I do well into adulthood. It made me a fearful, secretive and withdrawn child. My first thought when making a mistake was "what will my parents think/do" not "how can i ask for help". Asking them for help was never an idea which crossed my mind. I don't have any children of my own, but I hope to in the near future. I really really hope that my parenting can be different from the upbringing I received and that, when anything wrong happens, my child/children will be able to think "Oh, I should call mom/dad" for help, not "My mom/dad's gonna kill me"
I accidentally broke the shower door as a kid and I was sure my dad would be furious but instead he said "I can replace the shower door but I can't replace you." I miss that man dearly.
True story - 20 years ago I had a stained glass window hanging. It meant a lot to me (i had saved up for it for a few years). On one of the 1st days of spring I was opening up all the drapes to let the sunlight in. My Son came up to me with tears running down his face, He had cracked my glass, and he knew I would see it. He was devistated he had held on to the guilt and totally punished himself. We talked it out, he went to his room to calm down and it was over. Last week we were talking and he brought up that incident, and told me that was one of the most meaningful learning moments (positive). I was not a perfect parent, but I guess I did ok.
Make her fix it. With supervision, of course. I did that when my daughter accidentally put a hole in the wall while giving a party for her friends.
Another angle. Not everyone was raised this way. There are many, many people who were raised to fear authority, to cower, to hide, to deny, etc. Those lessons of childhood don't simply go away because you made it past 18. They are ingrained. They are your default mode, your basic programming, your reflex. When dealing with other adults, and you just can't figure out why they react the way they do, remember this. Yes, as life goes on you can learn coping mechanisms, you can learn to recognize the reflex and maybe even learn to correct before anyone notices. But that takes decades, therapy, a teacher. One does not simply say to oneself, I know my reaction is wrong, this is the correct one, i'm going to do that one. You may recognize the reaction as incorrect, but have zero idea what a correct one would be. You've had no one model the behavior, and no one teach you, you aren't going to pull it out of thin air. So when dealing with adults, compassion is key.
Wow I really wish my parents knew this. Growing up (and even now) everytime i made a small mistake like drop a tissue or a big one like making a small dent in my moms car my mom would so nothing but scream and curse at me. Even in public i dropped a box while pcking things into bags and clearly and out loud she said "You are such a failure" and I just looked down and proceeded to do nothing about it and I could see in my side view that the cashier and the people around us were making that "yikes" face.
and then when i "dented" her door by opening the door and having it hit the mini hill of soil and procceded to scream at me top of the lungs and turn red on how im always breaking everything or how im constantly ruining her life and how i constantly make her life difficult and then once i got a C in a really hard Spanish Honors course and she kept yelling about how if i dont get that grade up im going to be either homeless or flipping burgers for the rest of my life and if she died around that time i would be a babysitter to my other family's kids and then for the rest of the week or two she would be giving me angry looks or just citicize the way i look or how im too fat and how she'd save so much money by not feeding my (i literally eat two meals a day a sandwich for lunch and rice and meat for dinner) but
Load More Replies... When I was about 5 or 6 my older brother went into my parents' bedroom to play the piano and locked me out. My parents weren't home at the time. I was so angry that I took a running start at the door and kicked it as hard as I could -- and kicked a giant hole at the bottom. My brother came out and was horrified, and started telling me how Mom and Daddy were going to kill me, etc. I suffered like I have never suffered while I waited for them to come home. Wished I would die, just knew he was right and I would be in the biggest trouble of my life. When they got home I ran to them and told them what had happened -- and HE got in trouble for locking me out in the first place. I was forgiven (I mean, he was, too) and let off the hook for having been made so angry. (They knew I had punished myself by being tormented.) Of course we talked about it, etc., but I can't write the whole thing in this limited space. Bottom line -- listen to your kids and their hearts, and discipline accordingly.
This happened just a few months ago: I was trying to go through a gate at the place where I work and tore off the front fender on my car. My parents had bought the car for me so I thought they would be mad about what I did. Instead they took the car to the body shop and then took me to get a rental car while it was being repaired. They never yelled at me or showed that they were mad. I have been more careful ever since this incident.
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