Why can’t I breathe?
Shaking on the bathroom floor, curled up in suffocating blankets, its easier to feel the pain outside than inside, remember to cut in places no one will see
No one seems to care. The world passes by without me, blindingly fast. The words on my gravestone will be blurry. Raindrops on the window race to their end. Who will miss me when I’m gone?
one day,
one minute
one second
is all it takes
to let go of everything
staring at the ceiling
i wonder what it would be like
to live a different life
one completely different from this
this hurts
everything hurts
nothing i do helps
the crying
all it does is build-up
the fake smiling
all it does is make people think you're fine
the cutting and the lying
none of it helps
when is my time to go
will it be the worst day of my life?
probably.
title: wish
how good is it?: it sucks, I'm genuinely confused about whats happening
to fit in...
and to fake who you are...
to spread your love!
to get this far!
I wish,
all I can do is wish
I cant fit in...
but I can stay fake
and maybe someday...
my wings will spread
maybe one day...
I can finally lie dead
but I keep my distance
from one and all
so maybe one time when you get so far
I can say you did it
from the heavens above
so you know that all you can do is
LOVE
i
have
everything
and
yet
i
need
more.
i come from a wealthy(er) family,
I am jealous of everyone else.
I am better looking then most,
but I am still jealous of everyone else.
i have loving supportive parents,
but I am still jealous of everyone else.
i
am
depressed
f*ck
the
media.
well now I really only know how to watch my comfort streamer in my basement wtf did i do to deserve this?
I wish I was the moon, or the sun, or the sky, rather than a cloud.
time barely goes bye when the hope in the sky is just caffeine, youtube and spotify
I used to have the tightest bond with my friends, a crappy gaming youtube channel lost them cause I didn't know I i should stay or maybe go
outside with with my friends, the sun shining in the sky maybe there's more then a drop or a ray of hope, maybe i just gotta look harder...
as I look out the window
I see a black bird singing
and dancing freely
oh how I wish I was a bird
flying anywhere I want to go
but alas I'm stuck like a mouse
stuck In a trap lost and afraid.
Poem Title: Say Saying Said
Die dying dead
Lie lying lied
Burn burning burned
Try trying tried
Fail failing failed
Kill killing killed
Die dying dead
Words in my head
Forever
Eternal
No longer internal
The violence inside
Screams in the night
Not making a sound
Fake making you proud
Wanting to cry
Not wanting you to pry
Quiet my mind
Close my eyes
See the unseen
Unsee me
Useless to me
The feelings that be
The feeling unfold
Forget being bold
Forever alone
The heart inside cold
Black as my soul
Hush
Sweep it under the rug
No one needs to know
Don’t let it show
Pillow wet with tears that flow
From the eyes behind that smile
I will never show it
Fake as can be and you know it
I’ll be quiet I’ll be quick
I’ll jump over the candle stick
That burns within
Set ablaze from my wick
Killing me softly
With his song
Is it wrong?
Is it wrong, is it right
Will I ever be alive
No end in sight
But that’s alright
Just repeat
Repeat
Die dying died
Lie lying lied
Burn burning burned
Try trying tried
Fail failing failed
Kill killing killed
Die dying
Dead.
It took so long to get here, and it'll take even longer to get out.
I wish I was the moon, or the sun, or the sky, rather than a cloud.
Time stands still when you look at it, and it lies when I lay.
I never wanted to be this way. But maybe it's OK.
I have a good idea! Oops! I don't have the resources to make this, but i really want to do it, my life depends on it. WOW! I just had an idea to easily make the thing i want to make! S**t, i forgot it. Everything is broken now.
We came to this place.
This far away place.
Where we know what happens but can’t do anything.
The days are all the same. The days.
Do I change anything?
No. I am in this far away place.
Where I hear what I am supposed to do but can’t do it.
This far away place has a mountain.
I am at the bottom and can’t get up.
I am in a far away place.
It started quite early, before even five,
Out of control, on trouble I thrived,
Always getting hurt and never once cried,
And by some miracle, barely survived.
As I got older, It was noticed by mother,
How as a teen, I could manipulate others,
How I didn’t care if someone would suffer,
And was even unaffected by the death of my brother.
Mum and dad sat me down, and we had a talk,
They stayed strong and true, they did not balk,
If the world was the cheese, I was the chalk,
I had to get down from the ledge I would walk.
We met with a doctor, the chat seemed informal,
The problem was deeper than just ‘Non-conformal’,
I saw things grey, when everyone saw floral,
But one thing was clear, I was not normal.
So off to the “hospital”, and that’s where I’ll stay,
To be locked up at night and watched through the day,
I felt I was trapped, like a caged bird of prey,
And ready to crack, like an old pot of clay.
Then came the sessions, my favourite was group,
I wasn’t alone, while stuck in this loop,
An occasional hiccup, the odd fly in the soup,
The doctor would frown, his shoulders would droop.
Over the months, progress was slow
But here I was learning, and here could grow,
I wasn’t a danger, and soon I would go,
Back to my family, who were waiting at home.
When the day came, for my well earned release,
That demon inside was not yet deceased,
But I have control, and I’m holding the leash,
I will not let go, because now I feel peace.
So please forgive me, if it seems I don’t care,
Although hurtful to you, to me it’s not fair,
To have all those emotions, and lay them out bare,
That’s my one wish, but the feelings not there.
When I met her, and things started to change,
She wasn’t scared or think me deranged,
The things she taught me would fill up this page,
Now me and emotions, not so-far estranged.
There is still a lot I don’t yet understand,
But I am still learning, and will grow and expand,
Thank you to those that gave me a hand,
It’s all down to you, that my life is now grand.
