We've all been asked insensitive and invasive questions before. Share your story and tell us what NOT to ask people. Also, this is my first post, so I probably didn't do very well. Have fun answering!


"Are you just faking your stutter for attention?"

Jared, would I be faking my stutter because I want to have a hard time existing in a society?



Never, ever, ever, under ANY circumstances ask a woman if she is pregnant, even if she looks to be. There are many illnesses that cause abdominal swelling that resembles a pregnant belly and a lot of times, those illness are accompanied by infertility. (Think uterine/ovarian cancer, for example.) It is incredibly painful when you want to have a baby but can't and then people ask you if you are pregnant or when your due date is or ask to rub your belly.



Why aernt you married yet? Why dont you have any kids?... Because I f****n dont want to okay! Jesus Murphy!



i’ve been asked abt my genitals OVER and OVER again. i’m a trans man, so it makes me really uncomfortable T-T
my fellow pandas, please never ask about other peoples pants things whether they are trans or not it’s SO creepy



I'm half-Indian.
I've been asked if I "speak Indian" WHICH ISN'T EVEN A LANGUAGE!

And apparently when I was really little, my mom (who is White) was asked "Aw, she's so cute, where did you get her from?" Like what the heck!?



As a blind woman I have been asked many rude questions. One of the most rude things that people do to me is to speak to whoever I am with as though I am not capable of speaking for myself. For instance, if I am at a restaurant with my mom, sometimes the server may ask her what I would like to eat, instead of asking me directly. People also tend to ask me stupid questions like how many fingers they are holding up or whether or not, I know sign language.



Not that I've had to hear it for a long time but, as I'm asexual, I've always had lots of very close female friends, and so I have always had to put up with the whole " you must be gay", thing from pretty well every fkn guy I meet..... Cause, for some stupid reason, if a female friend comes up to me and gives me a kiss and a hug, or sits in my lap,and it's not sexual,somehow that means I must be gay!! Used to drive me nuts.....so, the rudest question I've had to tolerate is " Are you gay?" ( or more offensive variations!!!)



All of the 'oh so you're a girl who thinks she's a boy' or 'you're actually a girl tho right' like no. Just cause I don't have a d**k doesn't mean I'm not more of a man than you could ever be



"Are you a Devil Worshiper?" This was asked when a friend of mine and I were discussing a weekly role playing game we play with other friends when our mutual boss decided to be snarky. I replied with "Yes we are and we're having a little get together on Saturday night. You're welcome to come. You are a virgin, right?"



"Oh you're a Christian? Well I'm gay and I don't need hate in my life"

Excuse me... What? Just because I'm a christian it doesn't mean I hate LGBTQ+ people. It's their choice and not my place to intervene. Those stupid redneck karens ruined us.



As a lesbian, I got asked asked how I had s*x often, like the mechanics of it. Even once by a doctor who was a family friend during a doctor's appt. I explained to him it was the same stuff as hetero s*x without the male organ (usually) and he seemed very confused. I had to explain to a middle aged married man whom I'd known since I was a fetus that sex didn't entirely revolve around the D. He was embarrassed and I was embarrassed for him. Never went back to him.



I was the first girl in my class to need a bra, about 5th grade. I used to get asked/accused of stuffing my bra. One kid said he knew I did because sometime they looked bigger. I asked him to tell me which shirts made them look smaller and I would wear them more. I also asked him why I would do something that got me teased. He didn't have an answer, and did back off teasing me after that.



I was off work due to a terrible accident. Since it was an unusual one, it took the work insurance ~6 months to decide to start paying me so they owed me a lot. By that time, I had maximized my credit card to replace my salary. When I went to the bank to cash the payment, it's a new cashier and she's really young but my favorite was not too far. I sign and give the cheque to the new one and asked if the money will be frozen because I need the money right away. It was close to $10K CAD and she asked me why I needed all that money. OMG. I got red in the face; I was furious. I was sputtering stuff like it wasn't any of her business when my favorite cashier came over and asked what was wrong. After I explained she took over and told the girl to just go sit in the lunchroom and wait for her. She apologized and that was that. PS My cheque wasn't frozen so I was able to put the money on my credit card.



Two things:

Firstly I have agoraphobia and I really, really don’t like loud noises. When I say this, I don’t mean it just annoys me when I’m in crowds or experiencing loud noises. My head starts to hurt, I start to feel dizzy, and occasionally I have vomited from the stress. Fortunately, I have a friend who understands me so well, that she will always help me in these kind of situations and look after me and calm me down. But every so often, I come across an absolute git who asks me if I’m faking it, or if me and that friend are in a relationship. 😤 Firstly, mind your own business. Secondly, why the hell would I be faking it?? To get attention?? Because, believe me, I am the kind of person who doesn’t want any attention at all.

Second thing: I’m Asexual, and every so often I get some troglodyte who asks rude questions about it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy to answer questions about anyone who’s confused about my sexuality, because some people may find it confusing. But here’s a tip: ask NICELY. Some people ask: are you sure you’re asexual?! Do you seriously never want to be in a relationship?? That’s just weird. Is that a mental illness? 😑 and I once told one friend, I’m asexual, and he’s just like, ‘OMG, shut up!! We’re in public…’ like r u kidding me?!



A few days ago a colleague, who has absolutely zero filter or empathy, and knows I have a degenerative condition affecting my nervous system, asked me out of the random blue, “So, think you will you be able to still walk in 15 years?” I said “No, because chances are I’ll die before that.” What an utter twat. Said coworker also asks about my finances and why I’m so poor and can’t travel or buy a house (they’re privileged: parents pay for everything!) and I want to scream, “It’s called living with an expensive disability and having to pay for everything since I was 15, you f***ing a*s!”



I have been asked more than once by complete strangers if I have children. When I say "no" the follow up question is always "Is that by choice?" I got sick of it and once responded "Why? Are you writing my f**#ing biography?" The woman looked shocked and told me I didn't need to be so rude. I told her she started the rude rodeo by asking such a personal question of a complete stranger. That shut her up.



Do you really want this baby? I was pregnant after ten years of infertility and treatmens. Had severe Hyperemesis Gravidarum and was admitted for IV as I vomited until I was close a kidney failure. Nurse was totally convinced I puked to be obnoxious beacuse if you vomit as pregnant it is because you dont want the baby. I reported her and transfered to another hospital.



I had an aunt who was adopted and was much younger then her siblings. She and her sister lived together, but were never married. They were very successful in their careers. When the elder one died, coworkers of the adopted aunt attended the funeral. They approached me and eagerly asked if the deceased aunt was my mother! (My mother died when I was 6 year old) It took all of my self control to stop from throwing them out of the church. I don't recall exactly what I said, but it must have been harsh (by the shocked look on their faces). Funerals are not appropriate for digging into the personal life of the deceased, just for idle gossip.



When I had my fifth child I was asked if they all had the same father.....from a lady behind a counter who only ever served me groceries.
My reply "does it matter?"
No it does not.
(But for the sake of this post - they do have the same father).



My fiance passed away very tragically one year ago, just a month before our wedding. We were building a house and planning a family. I had his friends wife ask me last week, genuinely, whether I have been dating recently.




"how deep are ur s-h scars?"

dearest person,
1- it's none of your business
2- how am i supposed to know
3-why do you care so much

idk if it's suitable for this post, but it just pissed me off a LOT

mind your business, please.



When it once came up (I don't remember the context, but everyone was fine so far, I'm general fine telling about my condition) that I have a genetic illness that causes painful & tiring symptoms, one of my colleagues grimaced, leaned way away from me, and asked if it was contagious. And I had literally JUST used the word 'genetic'!

Alternatively, I once got asked by a little kid, with great confusion, if I was a boy or a girl. I'm nonbinary and tend to present like your average butch lesbian. I asked in return why it mattered. Kid's eyes got real big and looked like I'd just blown their mind, lol



My old jerk of a boss questioned my hygiene... On a hot summer day where I was hired as basically the muscle of the store. And visibly sweating, by the way.

He said "You stink. Do you even shower?"

Was literally about to walk out of the store and never come back. Luckily, said store closed down after I left.



I was genuinely asked this by a dude in tattered clothes and a custom made TRENCH COAT during an urban explorarion activity with my Boy Scouts. First he went over to the leader, who looked up ad said hi. The sus dude asked something and the leader told him to go away... So the dude went to me. He smelled like stale beer. He went up, (he was clearly NOT drunk), and asked if he could touch my balls. Just asked it. The other kids near me heard it too. Then he went over to a nice old lady and asked if she had meth. We made sure he didn't hurt anybody, and she called the police.



I am Malaysian Chinese. Does not have an accent, one time a gut doctor (refered to buy the hospital I was discharged from days prior, I was recovering from bacterial colitis), asked me on the first (and last) visit looking at the board on his hand: "Are you Thai? How do you pronounce your name again?"

"It's Wyatt Tan."
"As in WYATT Earp's WYATT..."
"Amy TAN's TAN??"
Somehow I felt as if someone kicked my gut after that first (and last) visit.

Also my first day of postgrad class at Parsons The New School of Design I was asked by a Foucault fanatic classmate incredulously: "Do you guys, like, live on, like, coconut trees?"
Apologies for giving both incidents as answers, in my mind, they tie.



At a funeral for a friend's daughter: "you don't have children, you wouldn't understand ".
A gut punch on so many levels.



If I was going to change my style anytime soon. I'm a 16(f) and I wear ripped jeans crop tops stuff like that never anything to cropped of ripped either and someone tapped on the solder and asked me straight to my face "are you gonna change your style anytime soon you don't look good" I replied with "sir with respect I have my own opinion in your clothes but I won't say them and keep them to myself like you should" .



Everyone coming up to me like:"Do you feel like a boy?" (But with some pretty words added).... just ask about gender NICELY and don't make fun of it, it's just uncomfortable. If I say yes, stop being like "oh you f****** gay s*** get away I don't want to get sick of you". If I say no (I am forced to), do not respond: "then why the f*** do you cut your hair and dress like that you c**t?!" It's just rude so PLEASE JUST RESPECT US



I have a list:
1. Do you speak Pakistani?
2.You don't? Oh so you speak Indian then!



Who I voted for. It's none of your business Sharon, regardless of what you and your Facebook friends think. Some people prefer to keep that private, and not ruin perfect friendships over who you voted for.



I was 16. Missed a vaccination at school. Was scheduled to go during the summer break, It was a sunny day, the clinic was on the way to town, I was gong with my mum to town to help with shopping, so popped in on the way. The nurse knew my mum, so I was okay with my mum coming into the room, having a natter, its just a vaccination right? The nurse goes through red tape, checking my address blah blah blah.
Then, with my mum in the room, the nurse asks me "Do you fell yourself?" Erm, how do I answer that? Could hear my mum giggling away behind me.
The nurse explained, it was about testicular cancer, all us guys should be checking regular. Just wish she said that first. Rather asking a teenage boy if he feels himself up. (All teenage boys do btw).



When I will "stop being gay" or something like. I'm a 16 year old lesbian who has known it since I was 10. I won't, a******s.



Never ever ask a wheelchair user why they are in a wheelchair. A lot of the time it’s complicated and we start to explain but you get bored and lose interest and make us feel bad that you don’t really care. Or sometimes it’s personal and we don’t want to explain so you make it awkward by asking.

Also please don’t ask questions about how our love life works, it’s intrusive and rude. Rest assured if we can’t do it the ‘normal’ way (not that there really is a normal way) we find a way to enjoy time alone/ with partners that works for us, and it’s none of your business what that way is. You wouldn’t like it if we asked how you do things in bed, so why is it any different if we’re disabled? When people ask me how I make love in a wheelchair, I reply that I don’t, I get out of the chair first!

(On the same topic, please don’t call us ‘wheelchair bound’! We are not bound to the chair, we don’t sleep in it etc, we use the chair- making us wheelchair users. Either full time or part time!)



my MIL asked me (after my husband andI were married )if I intended to fight her for him? I thought I heard wrong and asked her to repeat it. She seriously spatit at me in a hissing whisper while my husband was out of the room.
I never answered her I was so stunned. I didn't even know the discussion was on the table. ( If I had fought her I think I could have taken her.)



When I was in my twenties, a neighbor, a man old enough to be my grandfather and a retired M.D. who was a friend of my grandmother’s, asked me whether I was still a virgin. His adult daughter heard the question and was totally embarrassed, told him, he couldn’t ask people that. I answered, “Yes and I always will be.” He frowned and I added, “I was born in September.” Of course, this only worked because we were speaking German: The words for “virgin” and “virgo” are the same in German (“Jungfrau”). The guy’s daughter laughed amd added, “Dad, that was the answer you deserved!”



I am Hispanic and time and time again I have been asked if I was Mexican, or Indian, If I spoke "Cuban" etc. It's ridiculous the assumptions people make just because of the color of my skin.



Me: I’m not getting married
Them: “Why?!”
Me: Because I’m aromantic and asexual. Marriage would be a stupid choice for me to make.
Them: Oh, you’ll fall in love someday.


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My first name has 2 pronunciations, both masculine, I am female. I hate it. When I tell people my name they almost always call me by the other pronunciation which I hate even more, or they just flat out can't say it (it's 3 letters ffs). Once had an older man tell me, after I introduced myself, that I meant to say the other pronunciation. Like, old man, are trying to teach me how to say my own name?!?



Freshman year of college, I had wrist surgery over winter break. First day back, a group of about 60 of us were crowded together waiting to go into class when an older girl asked ,very loudly, if I had tried to commit suicide over break. She was training to be a teacher, BTW



If my Dad's partner asks me one more time about having grandchildren, I'm going to tattoo "non-breeder" on my forehead



Okay, this is going back a ways. I was around 19 or 20. My girlfriend's date ask me if I ever thought of becoming a stripper. Totally shocked, (I didn't have the best self image) I asked why would I ever think of doing such a thing. He said I had the body for it. I have to admit, I didn't know at the time if I should take his question as a compliment or an insult.



Why are you so ugly? When I was 12.



I am a single mom of 4. I get asked way too often “do they all have the same dad?” I find it completely inappropriate. They do, my soon to be ex husband, but why people think it’s any of their business is beyond me.



“Are you sure about that?” for a bit of context, I had told my friend that this joke was not funny. This was two months ago. Now it’s all she says to me.



“Are your parents disappointed that you were the one who survived?”

Context. I was discussing with a co-worker family histories one day and my friend commented on the fact that she had had a miscarriage early in her married life. This led to me revealing that my Mum had four miscarriages before she had me (all were late term) and that as an only child I often wondered what it would be like to have siblings.

Another co-worker, whom I wasn’t exactly a fan of to start with, pipes up from their desk “Are your parents disappointed you were the one that survived?”

My friend and I stopped… dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. I made my excuses and went back to work… after my brain caught up with me, I realised just how angry I was.

I put in a formal complaint and the co-worker was moved to another section two days later (my friend had also apparently made a complaint)



LMAO the rudest huh? welp prolly someone (jokeingly) asking me if I’m a man bc I have a moustashe



You're an atheist? So you worship satan? What do you worship? Are there churches for that around here?
Apparently not believing in any deity is impossible to wrap your mind around for some.

You're still single? No ex husband? No kids? Aw I'm so sorry for you, I'm sure it'll happen.
You know what? I've seen all of you get married straight out of high school or college, I've seen how many are divorced or miserable by your late 20's. I want kids, but that hasn't worked out, so thank you for the salt in that wound.

And of course all of the rude questions related to just being a woman.


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I was s summer volunteer (to satisfy community service requirements at school) throughout high school. The first year there, a male resident asked me how old I was, and I responded "15", as I was at the time. His next (rhetorical) question (read in the voice of Dale from King of the Hill): "that's about when yeh start growin' yer bewbies, right?"



I don’t have the best health (mainly lung issues) and I get pneumonia a lot. One time I was out for a few weeks with pneumonia in fifth grade and a lot of people asked my twin sister if I had died. Not offensive for me, but probably scary for my sister



“How much did that cost you?” Pointing to my (adopted in China baby) “Did ya get a deal cuz she came from China?” Adoption is a valid method of building a family. After bunches of local fosters were not ultimately adoptable (reunification is always the goal) we decided to adopt in China. The socio-political situation made it about more than just give the family money to raise their own child. We decided that adoption was our choice… I knew we could love any child not just bio so 3 children later…. But the intrusive questions never end. I particularly like “Are you going to tell them they’re adopted?” Well for one me and DH are white and all three children are Chinese, 2. Two of them were old enough to “consent” ages 4 and 6 so yea… they know! Our first child was an infant but she’s known since day one… of her birth and subsequent adoption. Honestly there are so many great reasons to adopt… we just didn’t consider conception and birth!!!



When's the baby due?

Nope...no baby. Just my fat gut. Although I did put on the weight the last time I was pregnant.

I think people assume I'm pregnant because, even though I'm overweight, I inherited my mothers skinny legs. Sometimes I feel like a camel...except the hump shifted....



You WILL change your mind/ regret not having children. No, I will not. I’ve had a baby sibling and nephews (including twins) and great nephew, since I was 12 (now 38). I have done plenty of child rearing in my time. Enough to know I never want my own.



Could you shave your mustache and grow some boobs? I was 14 at the time.



What caused my miscarriage



“What do you think IT is? Do you think IT is a boy or a girl?” Yes, they were talking specifically about me. And oh BOY did I make it everyone’s problem.

“Why would you pretend to have arthritis? Everyone knows only old people get that (for context, I spent a month completely unable to move without help, because of the pain. I woke up crying, went to sleep crying, couldn’t sit up, climb stairs, shower, or wipe my f*king a$$ by myself).”

“Do you wish you had friends?” Shortly followed by, “oh then you don’t have autism.”

Not a question, but got told once that the girls sexually harassing me ‘meant it in a good way.”



I took my daughter to a Father/Daughter dance (now they call them Sweetheart dances and it isn’t just for fathers and daughters.) I was one of about 5 women there, there were hundreds of men there w their daughters. I don’t think one person alive really needs to ask why but, her dad is a piece of s***. That being said…another woman was there intruding on her daughters time with her father…that I knew all through middle school and highschool but barely spoke to her after walked right up to us and asked both of us “So where’s Richie?” My daughter was embarrassed enough as it is that people were staring at me from the second we walked in. You’re really gonna poke that soft spot on a child!?



I remember one time I was asked if I had COVID at school, because I was coughing. Like dude, COVID would make you not go to school.


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If I have a f*****g c**k. I don't! so stop asking! How many times do I have to say it?!



“Did you lose weight or something?” Needless to say that gave me an eating disorder that is slowly getting worse.



I have tics, not sure from what. One of them is a head jerk followed by a tongue click. I had someone ask me If I was making a sexual joke when I ticced in front of him, and I just kinda looked at him trying to figure out what the heck he was talking about. I explained that it was a tic and we laughed it off, but that was a new one



I am scared of dogs. It is a crippling fear that makes everyday a potential stressful situation. Its like being scared of pidgens, dogs are everywhere! I get these a lot;

"Why are you scared of dogs, they are so cute?"
"Its only a puppy!"

The anti-Christ is also a baby but i think i'd be pretty scared around him too.

I am also half spanish- half scottish. Browse these:

"Why are you so hairy?" Dude Im Hispanic.
"You arent really scottish, your name doesnt begin with Mc/You dont have an accent." MC Hammer isn't scottish, but look at his name.

I postscript on the dog thing; I know a lot of BP users adore dogs, but please be sensitive around dogphobics. We have to live our lives in constant fear, and people can make us feel pretty rubbish!!! Peace!



"Where are you from?"
-"I'm from *my hometown*"
"No, I meant the country"
- "Well, from *the country I live*"
"No, I mean originally."
-"I'm born here"
"Really? But where are your parents from?"

I live in a nice xenophobic country in central Europe. I'm born there but I look a bit Middle Eastern...



I was asked if “Bertha” is my real name or just a nickname. I was named after my mother’s sister who died of leukemia at age 16. In 1936. My mom’s beloved big sister. “Bertha” is considered a weird and/or ugly name.



"Are you a prostitute ?"




Guy at my lunch table asked me if I was gay…told him I was and that I was Pansexual Nonbianary.
He asked me what that meant and I told him that it meant that I loved someone regardless of their gender and I don’t have a gender…..told me immediately that I f***ed animals and p***s and asked if I liked pans.
He is just one of the MANY reasons I think I’m lesbian
Sorry not sorry that I’m gay :)



About boys. I HATE BOYS and i'm questioning, but my mum, as mums do, is always asking about boys and once she even said "Oh you and (some boy i was friends with) should GET MARRIED because he's so polite and mild-mannered and sweet" i was 10 or so at the time... I definitely do not like boys. I am questioning, but males are out of the question. I have a few friends who are male, but they can be pretty obnoxious sometimes, and i would NEVER date any of them. Gross. (Sorry Clayton and Hamish, but EW HELL NAW)



‘Do you have a crush on me?’
No, Stacey, just because I’m lesbian doesn’t mean I want to date you.

Oh, and ‘Who’s your boyfriend?’
I was in Year 3.


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"It start to be many of you guys don't you think?" Asked by a colleague (minority himself) after I recommend my friend to work in the same company in Stockholm, sweden. I'm Chinese and so is my friend. 3 of 100 are chinese.
My response..."yeah we start to be many...Me, Eva, John, Tom, Marie and Chan we all from Malmö."



"Are you struggling with that living arrangement?"



I am not a panda, I am a red panda COMPLETELY different species, people! Pandas are from the ailuridae family, red pandas are from the ursidae family, so technically we’re closer related to bears than pandas.



"So, you're marrying a J*p?" from my racist uncle.