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Hey Pandas, What’s The Most Hilarious Thing A Kid Has Ever Said To You? (Closed)
Toddlers have a way of saying the cutest, most unexpected things that never fail to bring a smile to our faces. What’s the funniest or most heartwarming thing a toddler has ever said to you?
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#1
Back when I was a High School teacher, I had many beaut kids, and some not so much, but I loved them all anyway! Two pertinent points here: I have always struggled with my weight plus I like wearing dark colours, especially black. I just feel good in it. One day, one of my kids asked me in class, "Miss ******, why do you wear black so much?" My joking reply was, "Because black is slimming!" The kid looked me up and down, shaking his head in sympathy. "It's not working, Miss ****." Class laughter, me included. (I knew the kid well enough to know that his intent wasn't malicious and he knew me well enough to know that I never held grudges, and that I loved wittiness.)
Final score:
8points
cerinamroth 1 month ago
This is very similar to my darling daughter before kindergarten one day (I think she must have been 3 or 4, when I was pregnant with her little brother). She peered into my face and asked "Mummy, are you wearing any make-up today?" I was knackered and had tried to fool my face into looking a little fresher that morning, so I replied "Yes, darling, I am wearing a little bit of make-up". At which she looked me dead in the eyes and said "You need more."
RELATED:
#2
Not to me, but my father. He was in the kitchen attempting to swat a very large and stubborn fly, and failing miserably. H had a rolled up a newspaper in his hand and, in one wild swipe, he knocked down and broke the toaster, hurting his hand in the process.
My little brother and I came running down.
-What was that? I asked. My father replied, sheepishly...
-I was trying to k¡ill a fly...
My little brother, age 4, looked at the mess and asked:
-With the toaster?
As I roared with laughter, my father tried to save face...
-Well, I got it!
My little, without missing a beat just replied:
-Yeah. Also the toaster.
Final score:
8points
#3
When my son was very young he was outside with me while I was working in the yard watering plants. He came up to me with his little plastic bucket and asked me to put some water in it. I did. He promptly walked up to the cat and poured the water on it. Of course the cat freaked out. I felt like I should correct him, so I said "That wasn't very nice." He stopped giggling just long enough to say "No, but it was funny." That's been a family motto for 30+ years.
Final score:
7points
The Redhead 1 month ago
People don't like animals being mistreated (myself included); however I completely understand that your son was a young child and he wasn't trying to hurt the cat. These things happen & I'm sure at the time your son thought it was a good idea.
#4
I was watching my niece (2 at the time) one day and I sneezed. She yelled out "Godzilla!" I turned to her and said, "What?" She said "Godzilla." Then looked at me like I was crazy for not knowing that is what you say when someone sneezes. I asked her mom about it, and she says she doesn't know where it came from, she just started saying it one day. So now, 30 years later, if someone sneezes around me, I say, "Godzilla."
Final score:
7points
#5
Recently shaved my beard off after 10 years. 7yo: "DAD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!". Me: "What? This is how I looked when I married your Mum". 7yo: "WHY DID SHE MARRY YOU?!?!?!". Ouch.
Final score:
7points
Andrew Keir 1 month ago
"To have you, sweetie. And I didn't have a beard back then, because we didn't want you to be born with a beard"
#6
My daughter when she was 5 out of nowhere asked me, "mommy, when you die can I have your bras?"
Final score:
6points
#7
when my son was abour 4 we decided to have people over to dinner. my husband's favorite to make was a salad made with octopus. my son couldn't say octopus due to the lisp on the 's' so we called it tentacle salad. well, we have a few couples in the house milling around while my husband and i are prepping some appetizers. in walks my son, see the salad and then runs out to every yelling 'hey - we're going to have testicle salad!' while this normally would be funny on its own the real problem is that my husband and i were already known for being experimental when it came to food, so it took a little bit to convince there were no testicles in the salad.
Final score:
6points
Andrew Keir 1 month ago
We had a clone of this at my boarding school. The Nurse had given the new boys (11 years old) the usual 'birds and bees' talk, combined with enough basic Human Biology to help them deal with the onset of puberty. We learnt - much later - that one of the kids had shyly requested a private chat with the Nurse, because "he wasn't sure about his tentacles'...
#8
A few years ago my nephew, who was six years old at the time, saw me drawing a skull. He then asked if I drew skulls over and over again until my room looked like a t*****e chamber. I nearly fell off the couch laughing.
Final score:
5points
#9
"YOU CANT BE TALKING, YOU MARRIED SHREK!!!!!!" -some kid started a rumor at the day camp I worked at during the summer that I was secretly married to Shrek and would send me fanmail of me making out with Shrek through the mail system so... yeah. that happened. and the worse part? everyone else in their group joined in. so now I have like 3 pounds of paper about me and Shrek in my closet.
Final score:
5points
#10
When my nephew was little- 4 years or so, he got new shoes that lit up. All excited he told my husband and dragged him to a closet so he could see. They got to the closet and my nephew ran in, closed the door with my husband outside. "See Uncle? They light up!" My husband laughed and said "Oh that is so cool! They're great!". When my BIL came home, the same thing happened: in the closet, dad outside. "See Daddy? They light up!"But of course, being the dad, BIL said "No son, I can't see them from out here". My nephew came out a little annoyed. "Well, Uncle could see them!"
Final score:
4points
#11
I was walking down the street and met a woman coming the other way. She had a toddler, maybe four years old. The kid gave me a big smile and wave and said, "Hi, Grandpa!"
Final score:
4points
#12
As an incentive to get my young son to tidy away his toys I promised him if he did it for ten days in a row he could choose anything he wanted from the Two Dollar Shop (so called for obvious reasons). "Anything?" he asked. I agreed. "Wow!" he replied, "But, Mum, I won't choose anything too expensive."
Final score:
3points
#13
My child was three and I had been telling her some Bible stories and about God for a year or so. One day in the car, she was in her car seat in the back while I was driving. She said, “Mommy, where is God?” I told her that he is always with us and is everywhere. She replied, “ Well, he must be up there with you because he’s not back here with me.”
Final score:
3points
#14
My daughter when she was 3 (she's 7 now). Anyway despite doing our best not to curse around her we did occasionally slip. One day she started saying WTF (the actual words). We explained it was a very bad thing & not to say it. After a few days she said/asked & I quote "Mommy I want to say WTF". It was just the fact that she knew how to phrase it as a question so she could say it knowing I'd say no.
Final score:
3points
BeesEelsAndPups 1 month ago
When my son (now 18) first cursed it was during a really bad wind storm. He was 3 years old and I was getting into my car after putting him into the car seat. Well the wind slammed the door shut into my face hard. Hard enough to knock me out of the driver's seat and into the passenger seat. It took me a few minutes to regain my senses, but when I did I looked behind me to tell my son everyone was okay, he just said "Daddy, what does 'god dammit' mean?" I guess I might have cursed a bit when I got smashed in the face.
#15
Our little girl 10, was having a tantrum over something mundane as kids do. And she said, "you're weak... you're as weak as a..... you're as weak as a Pidgeon!"
My wife and I still laugh how we are as weak as Pidgeons
Final score:
3points
#16
When my daughter was 5 and in kindergarten, I asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up. Her answer: "Six."
Final score:
3points
#17
My nephew, brothers son, now 31, when he was about 6. I said to my family "you can really see his mother's genes in him (due to blond hair, tall, blue eyes). He heard and was so upset he said "no, Aunty, you're lying, these are my jeans, I was there at the shop when we bought them, im not wearing mums jeans, im not" stamping his foot in full tantrum.
Final score:
2points
#18
"It's okay, no need to look for a bathroom anymore - I already peed myself."
Final score:
2points
#19
I was talking with a friend one day and my daughter came up and started talking to me. I asked her to hold on because I was talking to my friend and she replied with "but dad you have two ears".
Final score:
2points
#20
We're not a religious family. But somebody gave us a cookies for Easter once. And the cookies were shaped liked bunnies, eggs, and crosses. My youngest was 5 years old at the time, and she asked about the shapes, and I think we said something like they were swords, and she said "no they aren't, they're crosses". I asked her if she knew what a cross was, and she said "yes, it's a big wooden thing that you put people on". I mean, she's not wrong
Final score:
2points
#21
Back in the days when the Raiders were still in Oakland, my sons and I were driving across the state of Oklahoma on our way to Dallas from Kansas City. My 11-year-old son asked me, "Dad, does Oklahoma have a football team?". I told him that, no, they don't have their own team instead rooting for either the Chiefs or the Cowboys mostly. My younger son, seven, piped up with, "Why don't they root for the Oklahoma Raiders?", and that's how we've referred to them ever since.
Oklahoma! Oklahoma!
Final score:
2points
#22
My niece once asked me why I had strawberries on my face. I have really bad acne. She was four at the time.
Final score:
2points
#23
Not to me, but to a friend of mine. She was walking up the stairs in her apartment building, and a little kid was coming down at the same time, must have been 6 years old. Looked my friend dead in the eye, demanded angrily, “do you have any common sense?”. And then he was on his way down again, leaving my friend reeling in surprise.
Final score:
2points
#24
A couple of years ago, I was riding the bus late at night. It was packed with commuters going home.
I was sitting behind a young mother, and her son -6 or 7 yo- was kneeling on his seat, facing me, and staring intently.
I took it with humor, as I had had a good day so I was in a good mood; so I starting pulling faces: sticking my tongue out, crossing my eyes and twitching my nose.
The boy kept staring, stone-faced, for a moment, and yelled at the top of his voice:
MOOOOOM!! THE MISTER IN THE BACKSEAT IS MAKING FACES!!! HE'S GOING TO STAY LIKE THAT!! TELL HIM, MOM!!!
I have never been redder in the face before or since...
Final score:
2points
#25
4 year old daughter, points at sturdy woman walking towards them in the daycare. "Hey look Dad, fat hooters!" We blame the Steve Martin skit where he listed all the names people have for hooters. toot toot
Final score:
1point
#26
Having 3 kids makes for a goldmine of fun things they say. My current favs are:
Dad: big-kid, you didn't eat your lunch pack again today! How do you stay alive at school?
Big-kid: I make homework.
Mom asking mid-kid to help put toys away.
Mid-kid: No I can't. My arms are too short.
Something has been broken/has been drawn on/has been ripped apart.
Lil-kid: it wasn't me! It was my hands!
Final score:
1point
#27
My brother plays hockey and one of the younger siblings and I were messing around one day. This was in a warmer rink so I was wearing a tank top, and lifted my arms at one point. He looks at me shocked and just goes "WHATS THAT?" while pointing at my arms. Now I'm confused thinking there's something on me, and I lift my arms to look. He jams his finger into my armpit and just goes "WHY IS IT SO HAIRY?" "because i'm a mammal buddy. I have body hair" "WELL YOU SHOULDNT ITS WEIRD"
He's young so hopefully he'll learn eventually, but it was really funny
Final score:
1point
#28
When I grow up, I'm not going to have a husband. I'm going to be a widow.
Final score:
0points
What do you think ?
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