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Hey Pandas, What Advice Has Someone Given You That Could Benefit Others? (Closed)
I hope this brings good and useful advice to help people.
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Don't know if this qualifies, as Mark Twain didn't say this directly to me;
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt."
this is so true mainly becuase ur one step ahead if u know ur innocent but they don't and with presented proof it would be like a slap in the face for the other person, to conclude its honestly just much better to keep your mouth shut than to go blabbing all your secrets and ways ur innocent, saved up for the grand finale.
You don’t have to be who you’ve always been.
Stop focusing on things you can't do and focus on things you can do
If you study to remember, you’ll forget. If you study to understand, you’ll remember.
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should
And the more tragic corollary, just because you should, doesn't mean you can.
Get a career that will support you. That way, you never have to stay in a relationship because you can't afford to leave.
This is exactly right. No one told me this but I've watched too many women suffer without a way out.
When in a fight with your SO, it’s not you agains him or her, but it’s the both of you against the problem.
You have survived everything in your life up to this point. Keep going.
But some of it was only barely and I still feel damaged and trashed 50 years later. I’m not completely convinced even now that the struggle was worth it.
"The only person you can TRULY depend on - is yourself."
This one is very good. Because you usually only find this out in your darkest time. So be strong and be ready!
So you know how sometimes you do something really embarrassing and you think about it for days and days, wondering if people are judging you? Try to think about the last time someone else had messed up, or done something embarrassing. Don’t worry, nobody even thinks about it.
Always keep your dignity. Walk away if it doesn't feel right or doesn't suit you. If things start to pull you down, then it's not right so leave, stop reading, stop listening.
I wish I started doing this earlier, but talk to someone you know will listen. A parent, a close friend, God, whoever... just don't leave the bad stuff rotting away inside
This advice was given to me by my dad about a week ago. It's paraphrased because I have no clue what the exact wording is. Basically, you're young and the chances of you dying before you get to do something in this world are small. We've been making breakthroughs in medicine and science; you aren't just going to suddenly die. (I have a big fear of dying before I get to do anything in this world, I know I'll die someday, but I want to live life first. This is what my dad told me to make me feel better. I'm in 7th grade in case you are wondering.
Your dad it smart. Being someone who just turned 50, though, I want to add to that, if I may. .................Don't put off doing things that you want to do and are good for YOU just to please or care for other people who are capable of caring for themselves (or incapable of returning the favor). One day, you can wake up and realize everything you have ever wanted to do you are now too old, too in debt, too exhausted, too.busy to do. In other words, make your own joy a priority, too. Follow your dreams--not someone else's idea of what your dreams SHOULD be. Because being old with a million regrets of missed or unexplored opportunities can be really painful--especially because all those people who discouraged you from taking those opportunities never have to live with the CONSEQUENCES of listening to them.
Listen.
Other people's opinions of you are none of your business.
If you're going to another country then take time to research the big differences in any laws you're used to and learn to say Hello, Goodbye, Please and Thank You. You can get a long way on just those four words if the local population see you're making an effort to respect them.
"You can't please everyone. You are not a jar of Nutella."
Even Nutella can't please everyone. Some people have nut allergies. Nutella is made with hazelnuts...I'm just plain nuts.
Every ending is a new opportunity.
I like that and very relitive to my job situation at the moment. Thank you :)
If someone doesn't love you or respect you, be it a significant other, a friend, or even a parent.
It is not your fault.
Hang in there, and find someone who loves you for the person you are, not the person someone else thinks you should be.
Sometimes it is ok to think something and not say it
Everyone is fighting a battle unknown to you. Don't make it worse.
Feeling down? shut the laptop.turn off the phone. Walk away. Go on a walk. Learn the beauty of the world.Love yourself
Though my family isn't religious in the slightest, my dad is a recovering alcoholic and regularly attends AA meetings, where they say the Serenity Prayer. Even if you aren't religious, it's excellent life advice.
'(God) Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference'.
If you're going to get a pet, either buy from a top breeder, or go down to the pound and get nice mutt that's full of hybrid vigor. If you buy a purebred from a breeder who isn't the best, you're likely to get an animal with genetic weaknesses that will lead to serious illnesses in later life. And the animal will suffer.
It's all about perspective. Everybody is so wrapped up in, "I'm right, you're wrong" there is no room for civil discussion, let alone compromise, understanding, or compassion. If you are having a problem with someone, put yourself in their place and try to see/hear/feel where they're coming from and you may have a better chance at resolving the issue.
"Even as a married woman, keep a bank account that only you know about". - My Grandma
More importantly, keep your finances separate. Learned this the hard way, when my abusive ex retaliated against me for leaving him & destroyed my excellent credit by defaulting on all the things I co-signed for, cleared out the entirety of our bank accounts (which contained MY earnings, bonuses, etc., so my rent & other bills bounced, & I was left with a 2-year old with no family to help provide). He stole the car we co-owned, then allowed it to be repossessed. Then he filed for bankruptcy & purposely had the notice he was legally required to provide sent to an address he knew was wrong. I ended up saddled with $35k debt before I was 21. All that to say: I've never mingled my money with another man since, except for taxes--& although I now have perfect credit and a nest egg, because I filed "married/jointly", I also inherited the $60,000 of tax debt of my self-employed hubby who I'm divorcing after 20 yrs. KEEP IT ALL SEPARATE!
I don't know if this counts but "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." - Neale Donald Walsch. As someone who has trouble getting out of their comfort zone this one stuck with me.
Ideally everything you say should fit through three gates. The first one, is it true? The second one, is it necessary? The third, is it kind?
People think they can say something just because it's true and get themselves into trouble. Saying something nice and upbuilding is always necessary. If someone could get hurt if you don't say something, it's probably necessary. The trick is saying it in a kind way. Are you saying it to help? Can you say it so it doesn't embarrass somebody?
My papaw told me once that no matter how bad life gets you can find a way to get through it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself one good thing three times a day. Those three good things turn into 21 good things a week. If you are going through a hundred bad things the 21 good ones carry five times the weight as the hundred bad ones if you let them. So you actually have 105 good things versus the 100 bad things. His point was to get through the bad by focusing on the good. I still find me telling myself good things in the mirror every day, even when life is good.
You can also write the good things down when you are feeling happy, then look at them when you are sad or depressed
Keep going, because one day you're going to look back and be so glad you did.
1. Admit when you're wrong.
2. Apologise when you need to.
3. Don't expect to take all the opportunities - you may be the 'also' guy in someone else's success story.
4. Violence is a last resort.. the very last.
Also........ know, understand, and appreciate what type of drunk you're likely to be at any given point and ration your intake accordingly. Go into a bar happy? You're likely to be the happy drunk.. check your credit card statements later for proof. Go into a bar angry and you're likely to be the next talking point of the doormen as they describe a pathetic attempt to 'come at them' when refused entry. Drugs aren't mood changers...... they are mood *enhancers*.
Listen how someone talks about others to you. It is how they will talk about you to others.
If you are on welfare or low income, work out weekly payments for your bills. If you cannot pay for some reason, then only one week has to be found; not a month. My Grandmother
Take the recommended dosage. I’m a sober opioid addict. Trust me.
I’m happy for you being sober now. A drug and/or alcohol can not only ruin your life, but the lives of those closest to you, who love you.
"This to shall pass." I remind myself of this when I think my world is ending.
My teacher said this: it's better to have an imperfect something than a perfect nothing.
We were doing this project where we wrote a quote about faliure and how it's not so bad or something. I told the teacher I had no ideas and she told me that exact quote. I used it for the project.
If you are alone, the first thing you do when getting into your car is to lock the doors and keep them locked. If not alone, you have to wait for everyone to get in, of course!
And if you accidentally drive into deep water, don’t try to open the doors. The water pressure may be too great. To equalize the pressure, you need to let water into the car. Roll down the win, oh wait, the water will have shorted the electrical system, and the window opener motors won’t work, and there are no window rollers. Never mind.
Don’t let anyone tell you you are unimpotant , don’t belong, or that something is wrong with you. Because they are wrong you are important, you do belong, and nothing is wrong with you
And on a similar note: If you DON'T feel you belong, it's a sign that you are probably wasting your time, attention, and energy on people who aren't good for and don't deserve you. Open your mind to finding people who love and care about you for who you REALLY are. Because being with people who destroy how you feel about yourself is worse than being alone for a bit.
Never mistake a neutral response from someone as a negative response. They may not have given you the positive response you wanted but if it can be excused by hunger, depression, sadness, frustration, lack of sleep, whatever, assume that they just couldn't manage any better at the moment.
Very true. I learned this early at my current position. One of my senior law partners acted negatively about my new proposal to completely overhaul and streamline the way we do business in order to bring us into the 2020s era to meet market demands in much leaner, organized, and productive ways. I took his response to be a stonewall--I knew him for many years before taking over the entire running of our business, and had never seen him do this, so it was hard not to take it personally. Turns out, he's just a "muller". He demands extra time to let ideas absorb, have dialogues, etc. Once he decided it was a great idea, he even recommended a huge bonus for me for coming up with and spearheading the entire overhaul.
1. Acceptance is not agreement.
2. I can teach it to you, but YOU have to buy into it.
3. Never let fear stop you from speaking up and/or asking questions.
4. Always choose the high road. Always.
If you can do something about it, stop complaining and do something about it.
If you can't do something about it, stop complaining, since you cant do anything about it.
Problem is...this is designed to keep people from complaining about things other people have all the control over. "SUFFER IN SILENCE"??? Potentates have been telling peons this for millennia. It's a good way to convince people you are preying on to turn all that anxiety inward. The healthiest thing we can do for ourselves is to learn to TALK ABOUT what bothers and hurts us that we have no control over. This saying just sends the message to NOT do that.
I just remembered this from my dad. "Caro, if your spouse hits you leave him because he will surely hit you again".
Learn to be stingy with your criticisms and generous with your compliments. Most of us think really nice things about others that we never bother sharing. Yet, we often amply let loose with complaints and critiques. If you think something nice about someone, (as long as it's appropriate), SAY IT OUTLOUD. "That tie looks really good on you." "I really like the way you handled that issue with the client." "Your new haircut looks great on you." "You must be exhausted, dealing with angry people all day. You handle them so well!"
For many people, one genuine expression of kindness can often neutralize/negate the impact of several criticisms and bad interactions. Bad moods are often highly infectious--but so are really GOOD moods.
My father: "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."
The only person you can truly change is yourself. Don't stress about the behaviour in others that you don't like, don't let it eat you up and make you miserable. Put yourself out of situations where you encounter those people, or resign yourself to the fact that, simply put, some people are on this earth to be a pain in the ass to others, just don't be one of 'em!
For significant decisions that seem to be roughly equal (both good or bad), you can easily convince yourself that either option is better, both before and after making the decision. Choose what will make you happiest. You'll have the same doubts regardless; Acknowledge that and remember you chose happiness.
If you can't decide, pick one option, if you're not happy with the random choice, it might mean you actually wanted the other option but weren't allowing yourself to fully consider it.
Just because I feel bad doesn't mean somebody else did something wrong.
Just because I feel good doesn't mean I'm doing the right thing. - Franklyn Veaux
ACT - Acceptance and commitment therapy. Changed my live in the best way. I do not have to tackle and control all problems before I can become happy. I can accept my fears, let them be and move on. They may stay but I won’t put all my energy into combating them anymore. There always will be some problems, that’s life. I focus on my goals, I enjoy what‘s good, I started to rely on my strength again. Now I’m getting places, I’m growing, evolving, thriving - finally. I have so much capacities and power that used to be tied to overthinking and fighting against pain or anxiety.
"If you see something you think somebody should do something about then go ahead and DO something about it."
As my husband said :
"NEVER GIVE YOURSELF ALL TO ONE PERSON"
"I'm not talking about all of you that you are willing to give up, but those parts of you that never need to change and keep you you 💯"
Especially true for mothers, bc putting all your energy into your kids can be a double-edged sword--esp. if you're a good parent & raise kids that are confident & capable. They end up going on to live great, highly productive lives, but you don't always get see much of them (especially if they move out of state). The end of Harry Chapin's "Cats In The Cradle" is very apropos here. It's easy to feel like you gave up all of who you were/could've been for these kids you love so dearly & want so much for, & when they don't seem to recognize how much being there for them cost YOU of your own hopes & dreams, it can be tough. If I had it to do over, I'd have not been so self-sacrificing. Habitual self-sacrifice in relationships is a losing bet bc, many times, people just come to EXPECT IT of you, & when you finally put your foot down, they act like you've gone mad. I don't expect my kids to be there for me when I need support, but maybe I SHOULD since I'm ALWAYS there for them.
Just keep breathing ; you are wanted!
When you are feeling happy write down as many things as you can that make you happy. When you are feeling sad read what you wrote.
Your skin isn't paper, don't cut it
Your face isn't a mask, don't cover it
Your body isn't a book, don't judge it
Your life isn't a movie, don't end it
Your heart isn't a door, don't lock it
You're beautiful
My mom always said, "if you don't ask the answers always no" She was a smart woman and the best mom.
1) Know your car. When you first get your car go to a big open parking lot that's empty and figure out what your car can do. How fast does it accelerate? How fast does it slow down? What's it link in reverse? How does it swerve? Test it over the next 3 weeks to see exactly what it can do. Despite your response times know your cars. The guy who gave me that advice was an awesome guy and could beat most of the street racers in town without breaking a sweat. I've never raced anyone but that practical knowledge of my car has saved me a lot over the years.
2) Actions speak louder than words. A lot of people have taught me that over the years.
I defy ANYONE to read, let alone understand the complete operators manual for ANY new car !
It ain't a race....... take your time and enjoy it. Saviour every f*****g moment because the older you get the more and more you realise your clock ain't ticking 'up'. You like someone? be honest, yourself, and don''t try to use pick up lines...... they're in no way original and originality stands out. Keep your originality, but also be willing to be part of a close team..... cause when you are, it's great.
A solution that requires you to be someone else or the situation being different than it is, isn’t a solution, that’s a mere wish. A true solution always starts from what actually is. May it be good, bad, ugly or inconvenient. So be true, make up your mind, accept what cannot be changed, put your focus on what you can change and then go for it.
This is for those of you who've decided not to have kids and your family is still bugging you about it; "you'd be such great parents, when are you going to have a baaaabyyyyyy?????" My 80 year old plus neighbor gave me this advice and I loved it. She said "you tell them, with a little sad look on your face, 'oh, we're trying'". They stop asking after that, lol!
I've got three kids, all between 26 and 32, and as much as I want to be a grandparent, it's never occured to me to ask my kids if/when they are going to have children. If they do, they do. If they don't, they don't. They each have mentioned in group conversations that they feel bringing more children into this world would be irresponsible, with everything going on. And I have to say: I can't blame them. The people who came before them left THEM with a big ball of mess and tremendous overpopulation. I totally respect that they don't want their own kids to inherit much worse.
The 3 advices I've always took with me and made me the way I am. Hope it helps.
1) Listen and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Then you can help people. - My Grandma.
2) Charity begins with oneself and then it goes the rest of the world. - My momma.
3) Don't be afraid of people not liking you. You are perfect the way you are. Don't expect for the approval of others. - My Brother.
Stop doubting whether you can or can't do something. For the most part, every endeavor you believe you can't accomplish has tons of people out there who probably aren't as smart, as strong, as capable, as focused, as resilient, and/or as talented as YOU are--and, yet THEY'VE been able to do those things. LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENTS aren't about whether you are CURRENTLY able to do something or not. They are about having the CONFIDENCE and RESOLVE to TRY, to LEARN, and to SUCCEED at whatever you put your heart and mind into.
That is important. I have dyslexia. I wrote and illustrated three children's books when I was 13. But I was told to concentrate on maths and academic subjects as I struggled with them. My talent was dismissed. It took me to my thirties to have the confidence to redo the books. This was after showing them to a friend who was an author and editor. He told me that I should publish them which I did. I have now written and illustrated 7 books and illustrate as a hobby too. I have also started a support campaign for people with dyslexia Here is a link to my website. https://captaincuthbertscat.wixsite.com/website/illustrations
That's awesome! Wow...I'm definitely going to check that link out. ⭐ This lesson was one I was lucky enough to learn while in the military. I was a female in very high tech male-dominated field which required 2 years of military school where the academic attrition rate alone was over 40%. I was this goofy, little chick who guys assumed was dumb just bc I was blonde & friendly. So I graduated first in my class, and had a number of other significant accomplishments during my time in service--all because I looked around my first school's class & thought, "If these morons can understand this stuff, so can I." 😆. Then I went on to teach myself to build a house (incl. all the skills that involves), got a doctorate, & am now the COO of a large law firm--all because some sexist arschlochs misjudged me to their own detriment. 😆. It's amazing what being underestimated can do to motivate us, isn't it?
Load More Replies...As a student, I struggled with selecting a career path. I considered nursing a "noble" choice, but it didn't make use of my strengths. (I am a graphic artist.) My mom said "So, somebody gets sick. A nurse will help to make them well. YOU might design a get well card that they receive and that will also make them feel better." Essentially - we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Work with what you have.
It doesn’t always have to be the direct way. Build a path around your obstacles, take supplies and a larger backpack for experiences. Even detours lead to the goal. You just need more time, energy and stamina
Although I haven't had the chance, a motorcycle dealer advised:
[1] If the motorcycle isn't comfortable when you first sit on it, it will be really uncomfortable after a few hours of riding.
[2] Take a motorcycle driving course. You'll get to try a number of bikes, learn necessary skills, and take your driving test.
[3] If you can't afford quality protective gear, you can't afford a motorcycle.
Did he also tell you that, statistically speaking, the more years you drive a car, the likely hood of having an accident goes down. With a motorcycle, it goes Up!
My Nan told me this ages ago and it’s served me well many times: When in doubt, don’t.
Save money, continue to learn, let go of toxic people and don't use your house as a credit card.
1). Money: Always have money aside for travel, unexpected expenses and enough to live off for 1 year in case you find yourself unemployed for any reason.
2). Learn: Keep the brain fresh
3). Doesn't matter if it's family. LET GO of toxic people. Bad for your health and well being.
4). Pay off your home as soon as you can. Whenever possible, pay more. Even if it's just 1 or 2 payments extra a year. You'll be surprised how it adds up. DON'T USE YOUR HOME AS A CREDIT CARD. You will never pay it off and your home will end up costing you more than you initially purchased it for. Emergencies are an exception but then see #1.
Peace.
One person's beauty does not mean the absence of your own.
1) If it works, it is not stupid.
2) over-engineered stuff will break down soon
If a person makes you miserable and you feel stuck, walk away. If afterwards you still feel resentment towards the ways they threated you, think about the following. If they treat others badly, they are probably miserable themselves. But while you got to walk away, they are stuck with themselves for the rest of their lives.
"Don't make up a story in your head of the relationship or the marriage or any of that. He has yet to invest in you, so you don't need to invest that energy and head space in him"
My mother's last words to me, when hearing me discuss with a family member my guilt about not wanting to accept a job offer I didn't feel good about even though I was unemployed: "Do what YOU want to do." We were financially stable at the time, job was very different than my experience, and taking the job would have been better for the small company than for me. She passed away a couple of days later without ever saying another word.
Never bring anyone any sorrows
In what you do and what you say
Because you will find out that not even 1000 tomorrows
Will buy you back 1 yesterday.
Only you can control your feelings. That sounds stupid right? But it's true, you can control how you react to things and how you feel. Someone is rude to you? You can explode in their face or walk it off and not let the ruin your day, your emotions belong to you and no one else.
"If you put your mind to it, you can do it"-all teachers and parents from the start of school
If you do everything before you are 20, what will you have to look forward to? (my mom telling my crazy teenage self)
A pint can only hold a pint, and when it's holding a pint it's doing the best it can.
When you least feel like it is when you need to get out the most.
Maybe doesn’t work for every situation, but when I’m feeling down or annoyed or in a slump, it’s incredibly true. Thanks, Mum.
You don't have to take their criticism if you wouldn't take their advice.
Giving birth is NOT a disease. "Labor" is not pain like a broken limb. Having a baby is like PUSHING A FULL-SIZE GRAND PIANO UP A SLIGHT INCLINE. (I found this perfectly true, three times. Hard work? Oh yeah. Educate yourself and remember this makes a huge difference.)
If it seems to be too good to be true, it is.
Never draw on an inside straight.
My dad is a professional chef and owns a local restaurant ( tinkers creek tavern, ohians might wanna check it out) and this always stuck out to me:
" get the f**k out if you can't appreciate hard work"
do you hate your mom or not
Forgive electronics; it is just rocks we electrocuted until it did stuff.
So many people being hit by bad stuff - sickness & disability in my case - ask 'Why Me?'
When really it's 'Why Not?' - I know think that at least if it's hitting me, who's used to it, it's leaving someone else, who perhaps isn't, alone.
When your children are small, avoid telling them what you don't want them to do, ie, "don't touch the fireplace".
They'll visualize what you said, and more often than not, end up touching it. Get into the habit of saying what you do want, "keep your hands away from the fireplace". Way more effective and worked wonders with my kids, once I got my head around it.
Two things from my grandma: 1. Add some butter to your dish and it taste much better; 2. Do whatever you want and makes you happy, 'couse life is unimaginably short.
In today’s society you better shut the f**k up or it’s back to court with your ass!
My Dad told me to remember with people you wi)l catch more flies wwith honey than with vinegar. You go further and have a happier life.
