My friend's 7-year-old brother died yesterday and I want to help her without making it worse, and this is my first real experience with death (we're both 10), and I don't know how to handle it.
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Be there for your friend, let her cry and talk about her brother and her feelings. The parents will be grieving, too, so having a friend to listen will help her. When one of my friends had a death in her family, I would let her talk and cry. Then I would do enjoyable things with her - she likes walks, animals and trying different foods.
Losing someone is like losing a limb or a sense. Grieving comes and goes, and sometimes it will take you by surprise, catch you in the street walking and suddenly you're weeping. It's okay. Take five. Breathe. Talk about the one you lost. Remember them. Laugh and cry together. We all go mad a little bit with grief. Don't try to erase the person you lost. I look at printed pictures, and even though it hurts, it helps too. Keeping a small memento of that person always with me also helps.
It's really hard, and you're a great kid if you want to be by your friend. It will not be easy, it will take a while, but eventually your friend will smile again. Be patient with them, offer to talk, or do normal stuff if that's what they need when it all gets too much; don't ask them to be okay, they won't be; don't ask them to act normal or be like they used to be, they cant; just be there and let them know they can count on you.
Grief never passes, unfortunately. You only get used to it.
It comes in waves, and it cycles. There's no "finish line" that you have to get to, and there's no one that can tell you, them, or anyone else when "it's been long enough". You'll be angry. You'll be sad. You'll be excited, and confused. This is all part of it. Talk about it. Seek counseling, honestly and truly do that part. It is hard, and it's not fun, but things will be okay. I'm sorry for your friend's loss, and for your closeness to it.
Let it all out, don't deny your feelings, for they will haunt you later on. Accept the tragedy of death, and that most of the questions you have about the deceased may never be answered.
My grandpa died when i was ten... it was rough i cried every night for weeks. What really comforted me was being with people i loved, knowing that they felt how i did. And at the time, my friend was also grieving the loss of her mother from a 5- year battle with cancer. It really was nice to just talk to each other. Just talk it out. And remember, its okay to cry. It’s okay and totally normal to cry one day, one month, or even a year after a loss. And just a tip, it feels good to just sit in your room with instant ramen and ice cream and listen to the whole Rumours (Fleetwood Mac) track over and over and over again and cry it out.
Just being there for them and checking up on them, I would usually take out for lunch and just hang out and try to get them to take their mind off things.
Let her know your there for her, and maybe just sit in silence for a bit.
Show (and if necessary say) these messages to your friend:
If you want...
...to talk, I'll listen.
...me to sit with you quietly, I will.
...to be alone, I'll give you whatever space you need, as long as you need it.
...to cry, I'll be with you or give you privacy, as you prefer.
...to hit or break something, I'll do my best to find something safe to hit/break.
...to be distracted, I'll do anything I can to do so.
You are my friend. As your friend, I'll do whatever I can to help you through this.
My fiancee who I spent 10 years with passed away on 1/11/2021.
Tell him it's okay to let his feelings out and cry. He doesn't need to answer to anyone right now about how he feels the way he does.
He will feel confused, lost, anger, depression and sorrow...maybe one at a time or thrusted at him all at once.
He may also get flustered for being numb and not having emotions at all. It will happen. He will also feel guilt whether it's for being happy or something like survivors guilt.
It hurts...but its normal
You may feel confusion, because they were always there. And now they aren't.
You will feel many emotions all at once. Anger, sorrow, depression etc.
Theres an emptiness you feel where that person was. However remember how their presence felt to you in life.
It's only been 10 days. But there are moments where I can actually feel his presence surrounding me. Its comforting. So I talk to him. I know that it hurts me, but we know nothing of the other side. For all we know our loved ones that have passed could be having an emotional crisis of their own. I have had one sided conversations, telling him "Even though we cant be together physically, we will find a way to get through this in separate ways together."
It might seem weird to you, but if you have a bond with someone for so long...it really really helps.
Your friend may want to be alone. Let him grieve, but also do frequent check ups to let him know you care.
Remember the good times.
Take small steps forward
Tell him not to force himself in moving on. Only he can decide what's best in his own way.
It's a slow process.
My heart goes out to him and his family
SORRY!!! For some reason it changed all my 'she's and 'her's' to him and he :( apologies
Don't try to deny or suppress the feelings that come. The feelings will come in waves, so many different ones, sometimes out of the blue. They are all appropriate. It is okay to feel sad, to feel longing, it is okay to laugh at some memory with the departed, it is okay to be happy about something that happens to you or some memory of the departed or not always think of the departed too. Everybody grieves differently. Even same person at different times may feel differently. Sometimes people say things like leave me alone when they actually are happy to get a hug from you instead. Sometimes it is difficult even for the grieving person to understand what exactly is that they feel right now or what would help. So just be there, offer your companionship, but let them withdraw if they want to. But be close, reachable if they still suddenly need a hug. You don't even have to say anything, but offer to listen. For me it helped to talk about it. Not always, not with everybody and not every little detail, but just to acknowledge that there was someone dear that I lost. So that I had the feeling that they were not forgotten. But it took me a year before I was able to talk about it and that is okay too.
as a mother who lost a son I would advise you to get a grieving counselor.
When you understand the proses of grieving you will have a better understanding on how to support anyone who is going trough this hard time.
I'm not good at comforting people, but for some reason i always laugh and make jokes when something sad happens, i'm not sure if i'm trying to make myself feel better or if its a failed attempt to make someone else happy
