I have a lot of anger and I have always had a short temper. I have chronic illnesses that made me disabled and a lot of pain so my mental health is not great.
But the last month I have been very stressed and busy and it's a daily problem now. It seems that I got no resilience at all against frustration, the smallest thing makes me extremely mad. All I want is to shout and throw things; it takes a lot of my energy to not lose it over the smallest things. Yesterday I broke four plates because I lost it. I also hurt my hand but I don't remember how.
I have tried three therapists against my depression and anger but it did not help. Abled-bodied therapists don't seem to understand at all my situation and often make me feel worse by treating me as if I can do the same as everybody else. The first one recommended me once to look for a job "like gardening" despite my chronic fatigue, pain and disabilities. The second one told me (without looking at my file) that I did not have CFS and I "just need to exercise" and kept telling me to exercise despite it being impossible for me (and dangerous due to my CFS). The third was much nicer but she kept talking about how many "possibilities" I had (without giving any examples) and never acknowledged who limited my life is. I can't trust therapists at the moment, perhaps in the future, I will look for one with experience with chronically ill patients but not now. But I feel better since I quit, their attitude really hurt me.
Anyway. What strategies do you know to try to improve anger issues?
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throwing glass in the glass bin
I... Usually hide in my room until it goes away, because I usually take it out on my siblings, which is really bad. So yeah, I just isolate myself. I don’t really do anything in particular to make it go away
I’ve been getting out my aggression by leaving snarky Google reviews at places I had bad experiences with. It’s small but it lets me feel like I ‘won’ without having to actually have conflict.
I like to throw darts. Even if I don't hit a spot with points on the target, it calms me down. I don't like to keep points because I can end up feeling like I'm not good at it.
i got therapy. ofc they still flare up sometimes, and i wasnt happy about it at the time, but it did help.
Screaming at idiots driving while maintaining my road rage, and keeping windows up and stereo blasting
I’m angry a lot so I have a friend that lets me punch her if she punches me once in a while, sometimes I punch a wall or think of some that makes me happy, like owls.
Horror movies and games oddly calm me.
Friday the 13th the game is my saving grace.
Hunt some teenagers fornicating lol
i watch horror stuff and punch walls or bang my fists on the ground when no ones home, ill listen to loud music like linkin park, sometimes i just go run as far and as fast as i can until im dry heaving, if im really pissed in public i bite my arm to focus on the pain until i can calm down, its not that healthy, but atm its better than going to a psych ward, sometimes i hold my breath as long as i can and when i start breathing again i calm down
There are many types of anger (passive, confrontational, physical pain, emotional defence, frustration, just to name a few). The first thing a DECENT therapist will try to do is find the type and source. It's not always the one you think it is.
Coping methods are often specific to type but will vary from each individual. In some cases, coping methods will need to be newly created and will involve a lot of trial and error.
I only mention this next part because this is the area I fall into.
People with ASPD often have anger issues without any cause (except the ASPD itself) and do not conform with a particular type.
For myself, the "breakthrough" moment was when my therapist explained that anger is neither good nor bad, it is just an emotion. It's what we do with that anger that makes it important. I celebrated the fact that I valid emotion and saw my anger as something akin to passion (looks the same to me on paper), and used it as a driving force towards things I wanted to achieve.
There were still major problems and regular fights for a while, but over time I learned to choose not to react straight away. For me it was the simple act of accepting that anger was just a part of me and not letting the word definition get pigeon holed.
Kick the wall
Fight a panda filled with fluff
Scribble(after breaking a few pen nibs I stopped
Massaging your hand is a really good way to calm down. It releases oxytocins and helps with stress. You can also take two fingers and run them on your lips. It's proven to help calm you down. And, I know this helps from personal experience. There are some ways to get rid of anger for some time, but it helps to focus on how you can control your anger or create a "longer fuse". And, of course, therapy (if you can find time).
Passive-agression and petty sabotage... Or, if I really need it, I explain in a thouroughly detailed and always polite way why I despise this person and why their every deserved pain gives me joy. The goal in this game is to choose the most hurtful words.
I also complain to the manager / CEO / dean / headmaster... Any authority figure who can spoil their day. The pettier the better. It helps me get a sense of justice and relief without actual consequences against them.
