When I met my best friend, I realized that I liked being around her more than the people who destroyed my self-esteem in order to bring themselves up, and I realized that wasn't okay. Now I have so much more confidence in myself, and my smiles are genuine, and I found a place for me to be (theatre) One day, hopefully, you'll see me on broadway!
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My personal story is that I had "friends" who would take pictures of me, that I thought I looked good in, but then zoom in so it looked terrible and laughed. Or who when I found out a family friend's baby died, they told me to "stop crying and get over it." Looking back, I have no idea how I was okay with that. But then, my best friend moved to my school. She invited me to do stuff with her, and did random kind things. When I told her I decided that she was my best friend, she told me that she had decided that from the second we met. I was shocked, I was surprised anyone wanted to classify ME as their best friend. But she did, and I realized I felt better being around her then the toxic "friends," so it was very easy to drop them. She got me to audition more, and now I'm into theatre, as a senior in high school. In theatre, I have found so many friends, who truly care about me. I am so much happier with myself. I wear my own unique style (vintage dresses, red lipstick) because I don't have to worry about "friends" making fun of it. I am MUCH happier now, than I was a year ago.
Good for you! I have a similar story I'm going to share! Definitely upvoting this!
By getting divorced
I just started being more honest about what bothers me and started talking openly about what I think is toxic or cancerous. Those that wanted to work through the problematic stuff stayed, and I stopped communicating with people that didn't want to do anything about it. Sometimes you just have to realize that expecting people to be different is the most hopeless expectation you can have about others, and there's sometimes no way to change them unless they want to themselves. You just have to figure out what they truly want.
When I told my mother I had been suicidal depressive, she did not show an ounce of sympathy. It would have been fine if she had just shut up, but instead, she blamed me for spending too much time on the Internet and on social media. I packed my stuff, left my keys on the counter and took the next train to my best friend's place - I have not talked to my mother in over 2 years.
As a younger man, I would just cut people out and put them in the human discard pile. As a slightly older man, I would hold that pile in my pockets and pull them out when I needed them -- realizing that I was, in fact, that toxicity in my own life at that point. As an older man now, I have learned that you cannot change people, but accept them for who/what they are. It, however, is not my responsibility to fix them, and I cannot help them carry their own weight. Therapy helped a lot, and getting help for myself against the personality disorder that plagued a lot of my teens and twenties was immensely helpful. Now, toxicity can be seen, but not felt, and I have learned that *I* have the choice to take it or leave it. No questions asked, no explanations needed.
It took a big man/woman to admit that. When things do happen there on the spot it is always someone else to blame but when things calm down and you think about it, it shows a much bigger picture. well done to you!
I had "friends" who regularly (ab)used my hospitality and tried to belittle me in all respects possible. I was definitely not a cool kid, just a self-conscious introvert with an aversion to open conflict.
So I ghosted them.
Stopped inviting them over, stopped answering their calls, and made all kinds of excuses to avoid any contact altogether. Had no friends at all for a year besides books, but this made me stronger and immensely proud of myself. Best decision in my life!
Apart from work, I can count 4 people in my life that I trust and that is the way I like it. People don't know my business and I don't want to know theirs.
Just cut them off. Stopped interacting with them. Stopped trying to explain or get them to understand. Stopped trying o fix the relationship. As Lord Humungus said, "Just walk away. I promise you an end to the horror."
That is the way to do it. No messing around hanging on your shoulders. Get straight to the point!
I might get downvoted, but that's ok–no one's perfect and I'm interested in hearing opinions. I'll start off by saying that there's really no right or wrong way to deal with it. I'll give a personal example. I serve as a listener on the therapy site "7 Cups of Tea". Once in a blue moon, I will get a rude/racist member blaming me[I'm of Chinese descent] for the cause of Coronavirus/COVID-19. I won't even bother telling them that it was in fact discovered inside bats within a cave in the Wuhan regions of China. I just simply block the connection. In other words, if someone is toxic, in my opinion, it's best to just block them out and not engage. If you believe you can get them to change their mind and work with you, of course, it's your choice to continue talking. In conclusion, I believe the best course of action is to block them out.
That's what I ended up doing! And racism is NEVER okay!!!!!!! I'm sorry you have to deal with that, even though I know saying sorry won't fix your situation
I write a letter. I keep that letter for a while, re-read it and re-write if needed. Then I send it. This way there is a clear message. I did that to 2 different people when I moved across the bay from San Francisco. I never heard back from them and I'm glad. The relationships were very one sided and I'm happier without them.
This is a little long... but it's worth the read.
I worked as an automobile technician/mechanic for over 35 years. During that time I've had more than one fellow employee put the move on me... and yes they were all men and I am a woman.
Anyway at this one shop I worked in was a guy who hit on me every day. EVERY DAY! He knew I was married. He knew I would say no. He knew BETTER. But he did anyway.
One day he was hitting on me as usual and he asked me to lunch. Some days it was dinner, some days it was breakfast, today, it was lunch. So without hesitation I said ok. I thought he would fall over backwards with shock but he took it all in stride, although he was speechless for a moment. During that silence I told him I was taking HIM to lunch. He was elated. He walked around for the next hour and a half like he had just won a million bucks.
Well lunch time came. We got into my car. First thing he did was put his hand on my knee. I wrenched back so hard on his little finger of that hand that I was afraid he might scream. But he didn't. And he didn't put his hand on my knee again that day.
We got to the restaurant. It was a sushi restaurant. And my toxic wanna be lover was a good ole boy with a handle bar mustache, cowboy boots, twang and all, and I had no doubts that he had never been in a sushi restaurant before.
We sat at the bar and they promptly gave us some hot tea and placed out little platters before us with the ginger and wasabi on it. Mr. Wannabe looked at the little tray, looked at me, looked at the chopsticks.... but never said a thing. After I had ordered for the both of us he couldn't stand it anymore and asked me what the stuff was on the platters. I told him the sliced stuff was ginger, to cleanse the palette. The green stuff was wasabi, a condiment, kinda like horseradish, and that he would probably like it.
I didn't say a word as he grabbed the entire wad of wasabi and popped it into his mouth.
I watched in silence, him not knowing I was watching him, as his face turned every shade of red that a human could possibly turn.
He never asked me out to lunch again... or breakfast, or dinner.
I graduated from high school, and never saw any of those people again.
B was insecure and controlling - tried to separate me from friends (I refused to stop seeing them) and threw tantrums, threatening to hurt himself if I didn't give in (I ignored him. He didn't hurt himself). B had no idea how to manage money and spent what he had on showy stuff, not food. I broke our engagement and ditched him for a mutual friend. Gave B a month to move out of my flat. He moved to Australia.
25 years later, his wife found me and emailed me, wanting to know more about how he'd behaved in the past. He was now an alcoholic, had run up debts buying fancy stuff to impress people, and was on his second mistress, blaming his wife because she didn't fit his fantasy. It was all just extensions of the way he'd tried to treat me, (he told his wife that he admired me for standing up to him.) I told her it was the way he'd always been.
I never heard from her again. I have no idea if she went ahead and divorced him, as she was thinking of doing. I hope so, for her sake.
Its a shame to see someone go down that road but if he hadn't learnt from the beginning then he will never learn. Good luck to you.
I didn’t realise she was toxic till I met my new best friend and everyone in class was talking about how she was controlling she was and I realised she wasn’t the best person to be around. She started going off with other people and well I was ignored. It was quite hard to acknowledge it because we had been friends for years and my other friend didn’t want to let her go. Anyway she left the town and we lost contact 😅😕
I'm a sociable happy person but if anyone upsets me they soon know about it. As I say "shake my hand and I will shake yours, otherwise I ain't got time for you!" They soon get the message. Its amazing how many people can make petty complaints.
I was surrounded by so many toxic people in my town as I was part of the group of artists and everyone knew each other's business. Some people acted like total shits and I couldn't stand it any more. I moved to another city, which is far better as a place and even though, there's no escaping from toxic people completely, I feel much better to be here.
Some times it is easier to move from toxic than pushing them away. Keep your head down for a fresh start. The less people you know the better off you are. Also people that gossip to you will gossip about you.
She got caught embezzling money from her federal job, went to prison and I divorced her. It's a longer story but that was the straw that broke the camels back.
I told her that I wasnt doing this childish s**t and that I'm done with this kind of behaviour. Told her directly to not contact me again because that s**t doesnt deserve my attention. She later tried again talking like nothing ever happened and then had the audacity to call me childish because I didnt give in to her ignoring the past.
My former best friend was a absolutely self centered prick. Back in school she would say that her father hits her, locks her into her room, you know stuff like that. No matter how much you wanted to help, how many options you looked up for her, she never wanted help. "I'd have to give up my phone and PC, I cant do that!" was er explaination. Priorities, people. She never came around herself, you always had to come visit yourself. Always took the biggest pieces of food, hardly eating anything and then throwing it away because "she didnt like it" besides saying before that she likes that food. No care for relationships or ressources. Even when her Mom died, she didnt cry a single tear. She hated her Mom because she didnt let her do whatever she wanted. Later she came at me (most of her old friends already cut her off I guess), throwing some bad christian comments from a Baptist Church Facebook websites at my head (I had a short kinda religious phase). I tried to differentiate, starting a discussion like adults do, but no way she would do that. She had her opinion and she would never budge. That cut it for me. When her Dad went off to some kind of family friends and "didnt leave money or food" (her saying), I bought her and her brother stuff. I was there when her other friends ignored her, doing everything a good friend does just to be treated like this. You know what? No. Screw her. We all deserve better than THAT.
Good for you. If people cant try to help themselves then there is nothing you can do. At the end of the day SHE is the one that losses a good friend!
I divorced him. Someone who cut me off from friends and family, made me lie to them and refused to allow me to visit.
called the police and got his sorry dronken ass out of my house... best dicision ever ...
Sometimes you can't get rid of a toxic person...for example, if you have a child with them. I got divorced and moved back home, now I just keep things civil and work very hard at finding my zen when I have to spend time with him. It's a monumental effort, but I do it for my son.
That is a tricky one but what is important is the child. just got to be tougher and a better person. Good for you.
i made sure that they knew what was upsetting me and they stopped because they actually care about me, I didn't get rid of them because I love them!!
I moved across the country, and to another country (upper midwestern U.S. to the Canadian Maritimes) to get away from some toxic people. It's so much better...I'm not forever looking over my shoulder, anymore. Plus, I barely know anybody here. I did make friends with a couple people, but had to give one friendship some space because of all the gossip and s**t-talking. Made me wonder...she doesn't have a nice thing to say about ANYONE, so what's she saying about me? Not to mention, all the negativity...tends to rub off on you, and I wasn't liking myself that much when she and I were closer, so I needed to take a few steps back.
I DID THIS! After 30 years of dating on the East side of The Rocky Mountains, I moved to the West side and NEVER looked back! No one I knew was going to change so I did! What a Wonderful Life NOW!
spell it with me....d-i-v-o-r-c-e.
What does that spell? DIVORCE!!!!!!!!! I'm proud of you!!!!!!! That takes courage!!!!!!!!!!!
i ignore them and tell them to stop reusing the same 3 insults
Oh boy, this one speaks to me... For almost three years, I was abused by a toxic & manipulative "friend" who I finally dumped a few months ago. They threatened/attempted suicide almost every day & I was trapped in the same nightmare over & over; I had to be glued to my phone in case they needed me & I started running on 3-5 hours of sleep each night. This person used me as their personal therapist & crisis hotline every single day for years. But I didn't see the abuse for so long, so goddamn long, all because they didn't have an abusive personality. It didn't help that I met them at the lowest point of my life at the time. I was completely isolated, & the fact they showed an interest in me was all I needed. But after developing my own suicidal tendencies thanks to them, I knew they had to go. So I did all I could to get them to the best place they could be. I made sure they were surrounded by friends & family they could depend on. I gave them the life I had always wanted for them. & then I left. I messaged them detailing exactly what they did to me in hopes that they'll learn & never hurt anybody else, despite them doing this to others in the past & carrying on. I blocked them on all social medias & even reconnected with a friend they had driven me away from. Although they're no longer in my life, the damage they've done can never be repaired. I lost three years of my life to them. I lost my mental stability & happiness to the trauma they put me through. I lost my physical health thanks to all the stress I experienced. But at least I don't have to deal with them anymore, & at least they're safer & happier than I am.
Sorry, I know im probably about to get a load of downvotes but isn't this question making the assumption that none of us are toxic. To be honest I have been toxic at times, including times of stress or just being tired.
Everyone has a bad day, but true toxic people make it really difficult to enjoy life most days. No one can put you down without your consent, but these folks get pretty darn close.
Easy: Get off social media!
I need advice. I'm in a very confusing position because my brother whom I live with is kind of a toxic person. most of the time, he's yelling aggressively, and when he loses a match in a video game he says it was all my fault when I was sitting in the corner not doing anything and things like that. he even started pinching and kicking and punching me, (mind you he's my older brother so he can very easily overpower me) to the point where I held my hands up to block my face every time he raised a hand. he stopped hitting after I told a parent and they intervened, but he still is really aggressive and manipulative, and toxic sometimes... what do I do?
There comes a point where you might need to get law enforcement involved. If he is getting physical, then he might need to go to Juvenile Detention
Just let them know what they're doing. Sometimes they might not know what they're doing is wrong or making you feel bad. If they don't do anyhting, try breaking it up, and don't go back. Make sure they are completey gone from your life. Ghost them and they might learn their lesson. Find new friends (or whatever kind of person your trying to get away from.) and make sure you are accepted for who you are.
This was quite a few years ago when I was at school/ college. I had a 'best friend' who would use and abuse the friendship one minute she was friends with me , then when she made up with another girl she fell out with, she would find away to fall out with me. Then she would fall out with her again, then I would be number 1 again etc.. til one day after she accused me of flirting with her boyfriend (which I did not by the way) I told her not to f#&k off delete my number and it was the best feeling I have ever felt also best decision for my own mental state.
You need to weigh up the good and the bad.There may be lots of good moments and memories but if they hurt you regularly and do things that you don't like and they know you don't like then drop them. Its hard but in reality there are lots of people who would love to be your friend.
My best friend of 9 years turned out to be too self-absorbed to acknowledge anything I had been going through. she never showed up to events that were important to me, and she cared more about the Kardashians to be bothered with my life. that's when I realized she never cared and decided to get rid of her slowly since I was still a little scared to lose my best friend. I'm glad I did it though because then I found some friends that genuinely cared about me as much as I cared about them.
I had a best friend for about 10 years. She had some severe mental health problems, so I tried to be understanding. She was very self centered and could not keep friends or boy friends. Everything was about her. She knew how to manipulate people, usually by fake tears and sob stories. She got kicked out from several support groups. We did fun things together so I put up with her behavior. At one point, she started being abusive to my son. Then I found out that she had been kicked out of stores, including an entire mall, for shoplifting. I had gone with her shopping a number of times in these stores/ mall. That was the last straw. I could have been arrested myself. She did eventually get arrested and had to do community service. I started avoiding her and would not answer her calls and texts. I also de-friended her on Facebook, then she kept sending me friend requests. She was very aggressive and obsessive about all that, sending me very rude texts. Basically I ended this relationship by ghosting her. I cut her completely out of my life. I have never regretted that decision.
As a person with Anxiety grown by a toxic and abusive mother, don't call and respond a toxic person even if you suggest to hang out, don't give your personal data and don't accept money and gifts from them.
I just walked away and didn't look back. I'm a very tolerant person and will give any sucker an even break but like Redd Foxx once said "They can borrow my car, drink my liquor and even smoke my best cigars, but when they sit down at my dinner table and laughs at me with my own dentures... that's the end!"
I was 17 when I cut my mother out of my life. It was easier back in the late 90s... I just moved away and didn't give her my new address.
I saw her briefly in the early '00s but all she did was complain about the past, so I walked away again. Don't regret it for a moment.
I was living in a foreign country and had a local boyfriend. For months he was "perfect" and everything I thought I wanted and needed. Several months into the relationship he turned very abusive. This was followed by several rounds of "I'm Sorry. I didn't mean it. It'll never happen again." Of course it did.
I tried avoiding him unsuccessfully. One day he showed up at a large popular cafeteria style restaurant where I was in line with friends. He demanded I leave with him immediately. I stepped out of line like I was going to go with him. Instead, I shouted very loudly... "Hey, Everybody! This is ( his name ). He thinks it's cool to beat up and abuse women. Ladies, Stay away. Men, you do not want him as your friend." He turned red in the face , turned and ran. Several months later I saw him with another girl, an American who looked like me. I managed to get her alone and tried to warn her. She said he was wonderful and would never hurt her, there must be something wrong with me. I heard later that she quit her job ( without notice) and moved back to the U.S.
O there are toxic people in my life. One I blocked and the other I haven’t got rid of yet... but if he pushes ONE MORE BUTTON, I will scream in his face, block him, and ignore him for the rest of my life😊
Don't scream, be the more mature person, screaming just makes you toxic (I'm not saying not to cut them off, just not to scream. Totally get rid of them
Ghosted them 👻
I like this, but you should never ghost people. It is better for them and for you to talk it out and see if anything is wrong.
I ghost them.
I like this, but you should never ghost people. It is better for them and for you to talk it out and see if anything is wrong.
WITTY *clap* Comebacks *Clap*
Unfortunately witty comebacks are wasted on toxic people. They just don't care.
I stopped being friends with some people.
Just calmly ignore the ppl being mean butts
Toxic people are toxic because they cause harm over a long period of time so they're usually friends, family, lovers, or other close people. You can't just ignore that. You have to address the problem.
First I warn them in casual conversation (no names or situations mentioned) that I do not abide falsehoods long. Then I wait for a change in their behavior. No change ... I gracefully back of the relationship. No anger or speaking to other people concerning this matter. Relief comes from knowing I am free. One can like, even love another, yet be in their company seldom.
I was in and out of toxic plutonic and romantic relationships for 10 years. Instead of blaming these people for coming into my life, I went inward. I read every book I could on toxic relationships, learned the red flags and asked the tough questions in what I was doing to invite this into my life. I have few friends left and haven’t dated in 7 years but I’ve learned to be happy with me, and I’m no longer walking on eggshells. The freedom in not stressing about toxic people my life is so freeing.
I simply distanced myself until they eventually died. It was my father and his incredibly toxic third wife, who bragged that she would "destroy my life" because I existed. He never objected at all, just ignored her efforts, making him just as guilty. They smoked themselves to death and I'm free.
I myself just abandoned them. They were horrible, horrible, manipulative people. The most recent ones have not stopped their behavior yet, still verbally beating me up every chance they get, but as friends they have left be behind, and I have severed myself from them. It's a pity I've dealt with three relationships of this sort, but I'm determined to survive.
Not to be annoying but can you check out my first post it’s called hey pandas what is your favorite thing about Christmas
wow!!!!! I didn't expect that many people to notice this post!!!
I myself just abandoned them. They were horrible, horrible, manipulative people. The most recent ones have not stopped their behavior yet, still verbally beating me up every chance they get, but as friends they have left be behind, and I have severed myself from them. It's a pity I've dealt with three relationships of this sort, but I'm determined to survive.
Not to be annoying but can you check out my first post it’s called hey pandas what is your favorite thing about Christmas
wow!!!!! I didn't expect that many people to notice this post!!!
