Hey Pandas, AITA For Taking My Baby To A Festival?
Yesterday, I (26) was getting ready to go out with my husband (26) and our son (6m). I thought we would go to the park or something when my BIL sent me a message saying he was working as security at this festival and he could let us in for free and if I would like to come. He knew that I'd take my baby with me for sure. When my husband asked him if he thought it wouldn't be too loud for him, he said it was okay.
I really wanted to have a look because the festival was only down the street and we could leave at any time in case it was too much.
So we got there and I sat down with our son to breastfeed him while my husband was looking for his brother who had changed his position.
He came back and told me there were seats where we could sit for free as well. This was closer to the stage and a bit loud but it seemed okay to sit and watch for a while since our son was super chilled.
After about 30 minutes, I told my husband I wanted to walk around a little bc there was no shadow and the sun was getting hot. Also, I wanted to get further away from the stage so that our son wouldn't get too stressed.
Thought we'd maybe eat something and leave shortly after.
But first, we got over to my BIL to say hello. That's when all this sh** escalated.
My husband asked his brother to take a photo of us when I saw a man in the crowd being upset obviously and pointed in our direction. He saw me looking at him and walked aggressively right over us, screaming something about using our child for attention on social media, which is ridiculous because I don't even have an insta account and he never posts anything.
But seeing that dude coming up to us like that got me losing it. Without thinking, I pushed him back immediately away from my husband holding my son, and told him to f off.
Husband handed me our son and kinda scared him away. My man is someone better not to mess with and I'm glad he didn't beat him up.
We left right then, husband said it was all kinda my fault bc I wanted to come there. I started crying because I felt so embarrassed and also guilty even though I actually don't think I did anything wrong.
Please help me out by giving me your opinions and don't go too hard on me. Thank you all.
Lets break it down:
You wanted to go to a festival and take a 6 month infant with you? That's fine, nothing wrong with that.
You sought shade when you thought is got too hot? So far so good.
You wanted a family photo? Nothing wrong with that at all.
Some guy starts ranting about something that isn't his business? He the AH.
So... You physically assaulted someone because you didn't like their words? YTA.
Your BIL, who is working security, did what? Nothing? He's also the AH.
You husband blames you for the actions of a stranger? He is the AH.
Sounds like a badly handled situation to me.
So you brought your son to a festival which you knew would be loud - YTA.
But you did so with consultation from your husband and both of you agreed your son was super chilled - NTA
Then random guy starts insulting you for no reason - He is an AH and OP is NTA.
But then, instead of staying calm, you proceeded to verbally and physically ABUSE this guy and get your husband to intimidate and threaten him.
therefore, ESH but also YTA.
Also take this to reddit, will you?
I don't think this is what Bored Panda is for
As a medical doctor, I say YTA, but so was everyone. Don't tell me what your kid may have inhaled. I'm still trying to calm down from the potential damage to hearing, and the increased risk of skin cancer the child faces later in life...
Here's my take: I don't really see anything wrong with a family trip to the festival. That's fine. No problem there.
However, I'm concerned with how you handled the situation. It probably wasn't necessary to physically push the guy and tell him to f off, so that was a bit of a jerk move. That should've been for your brother to handle, but as far as I can tell he didn't do anything to help, so he is also a jerk. The guy who was screaming at you? He is also a jerk. Your husband told you that it was your fault that everything happened? Uh, no! There's nothing wrong with an innocent family trip to the festival. He's a jerk as well. ESH
The stranger is an ah send your husband is, you wanting to go to the festival and getting a family picture did nothing wrong. If your baby was screaming and uncomfortable the whole time, or if you forced/tricked u husband into going, it'd be a different story. Don't feel guilty over this, your husband owes you an apology tho
Husband = AH
Random guy = AH
BIL = AH
No one blames you for pushing the man away from your child and husband. You were doing what was best for your child by putting some of his needs before what your husband and BIL wanted to do. Good for you.
**When my husband ASKED him if he thought it wouldn't be too loud for him, he said it was okay.
Your Husband had NOT ONE OUNCE OF CONCERN IN THE BEGINNING.
You did everything right: (NTA) There is nothing wrong with taking a baby out to a festival. Looked for shade for you and baby, kept baby comfortable at all times. YOU are not at fault of someone else's ignorance and aggression towards you. Did you provoke this person? NO. That STRANGER DANGER MAN AH, came AT YOU and YOUR FAMILY. His actions had consequences.
Husband is an AH
**Husband said it was all kinda my fault bc I wanted to come there
Your Husband is an A$$HOL3 for this. Husband could have said NO. I do not see him saying NO, I do not want to go there...
STRANGER DANGER MAN IS AN AH:
((I did not push him back because I didn't like his words, I pushed him back because I wanted to keep him away from my son and husband. I didn't hurt him at all.))
-- I do not blame you one bit for this....anyone coming at me aggressively ...especially a STRANGER THAT IS A MAN with their "words of ignorance" get what is coming to them. STRANGER DANGER MAN AH should have stayed in his lane, and minded his effing business that pays him.
ANYONE giving you grief over this just SMILE AND NOD.
I wished you mentionned noice reduction device (my godmother used to take her baby to some festivals with noise reduction "headphones" and he loved it) but nope.
"Everyone, especially children and babies, should wear hearing protection when the potential for loud noises is high. We measure sound in “decibels”. Any noise below 75 decibels (about the level of a vacuum cleaner) is considered safe. Noise above 85 decibels (about the level of a lawn mower) is dangerous and can cause hearing damage and loss." Karina Chaloux, audiologist, Hamilton Health Sciences
Chances are that if you considered it as somewhat loud it was damaging for your baby (chill or not). So: if he did not wear protection YTA
First, you are definitely NOT the A-hole!!! You wanted to go and have some family time at a festival, good for you. You had your babies best interest in mind the entire time, making sure he wasn't to hot, being conscious of his mood Should you have had hearing protection for your son, yeah, but learn from this mistake and make sure to have some protection in the future. You are also 100% justified in pushing away an aggressive man who was coming at your child! Like you said, you didn't hurt him, it put space between him, you, and your son, and it stopped him from continuing to approach. Good for you for protecting your child.
Now, lets get into who IS the A-hole!!
The man who was not minding his own business and being aggressive and threatening (HUGE A-Hole)
Your BIL. Umm, his job is to literally prevent and stop these kinds of things. WTF was he doing? He may need to look into a different line of work.
Your Husband. Why in the world is he blaming you? He never rejected or questioned the idea of going to the festival. He was actively participated in being there, getting seats up by the stage, etc. Just because there was a bad experience and altercation, does not give him the right to blame you and make you feel bad or guilty. He should be proud that you stepped in and protected your child. I also feel that your comments about him being volatile and it was lucky "he didn't end up fighting the guy" does raise a red flag, and the combination of that and his treatment of you after does make him seem like he has some toxic tendencies.
Unless you took your kid to the “Molly and Meth” festival or something like that, then who cares? The guy was a jerk. If you knew lots of people would be messed up, then MAYBE you should have made a different decision, but you husband is JUST as much to blame if a poor decision was made. Was he like, “I don’t wanna go. I’m afraid people will be messed up and acting stupid”?
I often see people with their babies on festivals and if you take care of your kid's health (noise, sun, exhaustion) and if you look carefully where exactly you take them (for example is the reggae floor usually more suitable than the techno floor) + you make sure that your kid sees nothing a kid shouldn't see (drugs, sex, violence) .... then a festival can be a magical place for them and I see no problem. Furthermore, if the festival has something like a family camp and/or a child area, it really can have a positive effect on them.
But I also see parents taking their childs to mainstages without ear protection, letting them play in the dirt without surveillance, sitting next to people who are consuming etc.
In your case I'd say you did nothing wrong, I can even understand your reaction towards the guy who was upset. But to be honest; if you take your baby to a festival, you could have expected, that some people aren't okay with this and that you get into confrontation. Also I don't read something about ear protection and it hadn't hurt to take an umbrella with you.
Your husband is an AH because instead of supporting you and calm down, he is trying to make clear who is guilty. Who cares who is guilty... It was a first time experience. Never try, never win. The stranger should have mind his own business, the social media thing is ridicolous and offensive. Not totaly wrong from the intention, but the way he expressed it is totally AH.
Everyone is the AH. You brought your six month old baby to a festival. Festivals can damage babies ears because of the loud. You physically assaulted somebody after they disagreed with you. Your brother-in-law did nothing. You should have probably handle yourself better. You're 26 years old and fighting somebody. You definitely could have been more mature
If the music was too loud then yes, if it was not then no.
I think it is fine that you wanted to try to attend the festival with your son and you had reasonable exit strategy in place. The man who approached you should have minded his own business, however I don't think it is acceptable to lay hands on him without direct threat or provocation from him. His words might have been unacceptable, but you could have just stepped in between him and your husband/child. You made a physical move that escalated the situation. I know you felt threatened and were concerned for your son, but dealing with a crazy person in an escalating manner just potentially makes the whole situation more dangerous. If things needed to get physical, that was your BIL/security's responsibility. Just my opinion.
Ur NTA the guy was the A
NTA. Outdoor street festivals are great for getting used to having babies in a place with a lot of colors, movement, and sound. Maybe, don’t go to close to the stage if it’s loud. Maybe, don’t stay in the sun without sunscreen, a hat, and options for a shaded area. Wanting a family photo is adorable. Maybe, next time don’t put your hands on someone or shout or let your husband get all riled up (if he had put his hands on that man, the whole situation may have gone in a different direction)! But bringing a 6 month old to an outdoor street fair… NTA for that at all.
ESH and take this somewhere else