Cheating Ex-Fiancé Won’t Pay For The Canceled Wedding Costs, So Woman Decides To Sell His Family Heirloom
Interview With Author
Cheating is probably one of the biggest relationship killers. More often than not, finding out that the love of your life was disloyal to you causes a whirlwind of emotions and an aching heart. And it’s especially difficult when it leaves you with a canceled wedding and a considerable amount of debt.
One woman took her story to Reddit, confessing she found out that her fiancé was having an affair just a few weeks before tying the knot. Having to call off the venue, catering, and other services (which were mostly non-refundable), the author found herself $20,000 out of pocket.
“It isn’t my problem you took out a loan you can’t pay back,” her former partner said, not planning to help her out. The woman turned to the AITA community to ask if she was in the wrong for selling her ex’s great-grandmother’s ring—a family heirloom—to cover the costs of their canceled wedding. Read on for the full story.
This woman shared the drama-filled argument with her cheating ex-fiancé after she sold his family heirloom ring to cover the canceled wedding costs
Image credits: Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ISoldAFamilyHeirloom
Bored Panda reached out to the author of this post, user ISoldAFamilyHeirloom, whose real name is Regina, to talk a bit more about this situation and the reaction it received. Regina decided to share her story online because she felt really bad and wanted to get an outside opinion, so she sought Reddit’s AITA forum.
“When I first posted the story, I was hoping I would be able to get at least one or two comments that would tell me it straight, so I was surprised to get so much attention from it,” the author said.
Regina thought that the thread got so much attention because of Mason’s behavior: “Many were surprised that he ignored my initial threats of selling it then got angry when I actually did it. A lot of people’s comments were negative towards him and I feel like it was his erratic behavior that made the post blow up.”
The author revealed that she was in complete shock when she read the comments: “After all the hate I got from my family, I was sure the comments would be ripping me to shreds, so I was relieved when I got voted NTA. I convinced myself that I was an awful person for doing it and was being selfish trying to clear my own debts. So I’m incredibly grateful for everyone who has shown support.”
Regina would still like to add that despite the outpouring of support, she still feels awful about selling the ring. “If I could go back and change it, I would’ve waited longer before doing something so extreme. After contacting the website ample times, Mason’s been unable to get the ring back and we don’t think he’s going to see it again,” she told Bored Panda.
So while some Redditors commented that the author is NTA, saying that “if you don’t want to lose a valuable family heirloom, don’t give it to someone and then cheat on them.” Others really couldn’t decide, thinking that both partners were at fault here. However, many of them were truly concerned about the legality of it all.
According to FindLaw, the world’s leading provider of online legal information for consumers and small businesses, there are generally three ways that courts can classify engagement rings. The first would be to see it as an outright gift that cannot be recovered.
For that, there needs to be proof of the giver’s intent to give the item as a gift, the actual giving process, and the receiver’s acceptance of the ring. “In most cases involving revoked gifts (where all three requirements were shown), courts have held that the item involved was a gift, and the receiver got to keep the item,” they stated.
Then there’s treating the ring as a conditional gift that is based on a future event or action taking place. “If the event doesn’t occur, then the gift-giver has the right to get the gift back. Most courts classify engagement rings as a conditional gift and award the engagement ring to the giver in broken engagement cases.”
Lastly, there are times when an engagement ring can qualify as compensation. “For example, in one case, a woman had given her fiancé money and even labor to improve his business. In exchange for her money and labor, he gave her a valuable diamond ring and proposed marriage.” In such a situation, the court could award the ring to the receiver.
When it comes to family heirlooms, they are much more than just pretty knick-knacks. Giving back anything that holds special sentimental value is generally the right thing to do. However, the situation varies from couple to couple. It’s is not always crystal clear who is the lawful owner of the gift, and then there are different approaches by the courts.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, you could try meeting with a family law attorney for advice or if you want to see a state-by-state breakdown of who gets to keep the ring, you can find it right here.
Some Redditors were very supportive of the woman, thinking she’s NTA in this situation
However, others were on the fence, saying that both partners acted like jerks
Don't gift a valuable family heirloom to someone you're gonna cheat on. I saw this elsewhere and someone said it's a conditional gift, he broke the conditions so it's hers. Not sure how true that is though. The worst decision here is getting yourself into debt for a wedding.
Assuming this story is true (and that's a very big "if"), your fiance was a jerk, but a family heirloom has significance that goes beyond whatever problems the two of you had. It was important to more people than just him. Yes, you're the asshole.
Why does she have to worry about his family being upset? Isn’t that something he should worry about and keep his word and help pay for the cancelled wedding since it was cancelled because of him? Then she never would of sold the ring to begin with. He basically forced her hand cause who wants to be cheated on a month before the wedding AND be in debt for 20k for something that didn’t happen? While the asshole gets away scott free. Come now…that ain't right.
Load More Replies...
In a court (at least here) his case would be thrown out. Nothing to do with the loan. An engagement ring is actually part of a contract under law. A promise to marry. Usually if the couple broke up the ring would go back to the giver but under these circumstances where he cheated and broke that contract so the ring is hers and at least here “family heirlooms” are not exempt under the engagement ring thing. And whoever said it’s loaned to the wife and goes back I’d he dies. What a load of bullshit. It’s the same as a wedding ring by law and stays with the wife. And who would be low enough to ask for it back anyway.
NTA he played a stupid game and lost. It's all his fault. Because you gave several warnings your ass is legally covered do not listen to ANYONE.
NTA. He was a jackass who's incredibly immature, wanted to be a cad and whore around, not pay his dues for ruining someone elses time/money - fuc* him. You gave him fair warning, he acted like a moron. You didn't marry him, so you're not responsible for dealing with this nonsense now. His problem.
I agree. If that ring pictured is the ring, I would sure like to know where a used ring like that is still worth $25,000. It doesn't look like it cost anywhere near that from the start. I also find it hard to believe that any woman would take out such extravagant loans for a wedding. What does that even say about their relationship if he wasn't willing to pay out anything at all? I think it's a total BS story too.
Load More Replies...
Most are saying that the ring was a 'contract' or something similar to that so the ring should have been given back. However, it is seen as a contract and he f*cked up. So he broke the contract as well. I do agree that she should have contacted a lawyer. This may end up costing both of them more than the wedding and ring together.
In some states - like mine for instance - the conditional gift rule can be "fault based". So if the person who got the engagement ring is not at fault for the marriage being called off, she can keep the ring. In this case, I think a jury would find him cheating to be compelling reason why she was not at fault for the wedding being called off, and she would legally own the ring. However, heirlooms *are* different and I'm not sure which supersedes in this case. She definitely should have seen a lawyer.
Load More Replies...
Another America-only problem. In most countries an engagement ring is the lady's to own - break up or no. You do not like that - do not give a ring, Or give symbolic one, not one that is worth a ton of money. And giving ring back is a cuortesy not a must. You really give back all the gifts to each other? Murrica is wild place.
It seems like you made him keep his promise on helping pay for it after all. He gave his word, lied/cheated, then refused to keep his word then was shocked when you found a way to make him? GTFOOH Mason! Your actions literally are a trail on how your family heirloom got sold not your fiancé's. Bullet dodged.
As many said, depending on what jurisdiction she lives, she could be legally forced to compensate the family for the loss of the ring. An engagement ring is a conditional gift, which means that the ring has to be returned if for whatever reason the marriage doesn't happen. She had no right to keep the ring hostage or sell it. She should have taken the guy to court. She was also really stupid to take out a $20 000 loan for a wedding without him co-signing. Best case scenario if she took him to court would be that she was awarded half of her money back. Worst case scenario: You took out the loan for a wedding and put it on your name, you pay for it.
she gave plenty of warnings her butt is legally covered he can't suit her over it now.
Load More Replies...
I feel like there are quite a few red flags in this description and truthfully, she should've been the one who called off the wedding long ago. Taking out a $20k loan and he'd only help you AFTER you get married just sounds like he was taking advantage of her, esp if he never believed she would sell the ring after he got caught cheating. That said, she REALLY should have consulted a lawyer before she did this especially considering some of those messages to the ex about "I told you not to underestimate me" could come back and bite her making her look petty instead of just wanting a share of the costs when she got $20k instead of his $10k share.
IF....IF you're telling a true story, and I never buy what's on the Internet as full truth, you're the one who has fouled up, and you do need to get a lawyer immediately. An heirloom belongs to whomever gave it initially, not to the one who (perceives herself as) "wronged." And you got a loan for a stupid wedding???? Something that can be done in almost any courtroom anywhere in this country, and for a nano fraction of the cost you borrowed???? No, he shouldn't have to pay you anything like the $20,000 you claim to have borrowed, and he most certainly should get the ring back immediately! He's very fortunate to have escaped that marriage!
Don’t propose to someone if you intend to keep playing the field. Heirloom or not- certainly expect to be shafted right back, if you are then also unwilling to share the cost of the cancelled wedding. Go on her!
he's an assholes, she's an idiot. so, apparently he has enough money to pay for the wedding? than why does she take a loan only on her name? they should have done this together. or not at all to be honest. spending money someone doesn't really have on something as unneccesary as a wedding is just not smart
Generally if the bride breaks off the wedding, she returns the ring. However, this creep was cheating so his former bride should be able to keep the ring.
She warned several times & he didnt care,he told her! He could easely just have sat down & made arr about splitting the loan! But he choose war!!! 25000,-$ is a lot in debt!!! Its easy for people to say she was wrong!! What if U found out just before U’r Wedd,that everything U belived & have invested in,screwed U BIG TIME!!! Was F….. behind U’r back & after that leave U giant Debt!!!!!! U would do the same!!
It isn't true about the cheater having a strong lawsuit against OP for selling the ring, especially because she put him on notice. There are witnesses who confirmed he read the messages and that he didn't care if she sold it. That puts her in the clear and re-classifies the ring as a gift. I spent a few years working in a high end jewelry store. We were careful about things like that.
The worst thing is the fact that she took a loan. I don't think she's the AH since she contacted him to give the ring back, he didn't answer and he knew what she was going to do. WHY IN GOD'S NAME SOMEONE TAKES A LOAN FOR A FREAKING WEDDING!!!
ESH, he's a jerk for cheating and refusing to help with the wedding costs, but she's also an idiot for taking out a loan she couldn't afford. Expensive weddings are a luxury, not a need.
I'm having a hard time believing she was able to get the"cost" of the ring in a resale. I tried to sell a $4000.00 diamond bracelet and was offered $350.00. Assuming the ring was a diamond, the resale value is nothing.
Especially if it's a heirloom from the grandmother. Then it's probably "out of style" today and only worth the material it's made of. At least to professional buyers, of course.
Load More Replies... 
Clearly not. If she were rich, she wouldn't have gone into debt to pay for the wedding.
Load More Replies...
I'm now wondering about the legal ownership status of an engagement ring both during engagement and after cancelling of engagement: In what jurisdictions is it the giver's property, the receivers, or shared?
It really depends on the state they live in, at least here in the U.S., if it goes to court. The generally accepted wedding etiquette rules are that if the woman breaks it off, she returns the ring. If the man ends the engagement, she gets to keep the ring (and I'm basing the woman/man terminology on this particular story, I do recognize same sex engagements/marriages). Any more, it seems to be all over the board. Someone else commented about a "family heirloom" being considered as a separate issue in court, which makes sense to me.
Load More Replies...
ESH - you basically committed theft, even if the dude is a total jerkwad.
No, the dude was flippant in giving her the ring and promising marriage if he was going to cheat and then not respond to her. She gave him fair warning.
Load More Replies...
Pf course everyone blames her, that's how she ended up with a person like Mason jn the first place
Is she the asshole maybe, but what she did could put her in debt anyway. Legally engagement rings aren't a gift they are like a contract for marriage and if the marriage doesn't happen she has to give it back. If he sues her she will be held liable to repay the value of the ring. What she could've done was sue him for the amount loss due to the cancellation of the wedding. Given the circumstance she could've gotten a judgement for at least half of the balance.
This BS is why I would never consider marriage. Seriously, everything in this story is just wrong.
"Caught him cheating on his ex"?? While I agree he was probably ON his ex, he would be cheating WITH the ex, ON his fiancée.
Does making a comment like this make you feel better about yourself? What the point of this?!? Grammar nazis and people who feel the need to point out every single spelling are so f*****g annoying!
Load More Replies...
Don't gift a valuable family heirloom to someone you're gonna cheat on. I saw this elsewhere and someone said it's a conditional gift, he broke the conditions so it's hers. Not sure how true that is though. The worst decision here is getting yourself into debt for a wedding.
Assuming this story is true (and that's a very big "if"), your fiance was a jerk, but a family heirloom has significance that goes beyond whatever problems the two of you had. It was important to more people than just him. Yes, you're the asshole.
Why does she have to worry about his family being upset? Isn’t that something he should worry about and keep his word and help pay for the cancelled wedding since it was cancelled because of him? Then she never would of sold the ring to begin with. He basically forced her hand cause who wants to be cheated on a month before the wedding AND be in debt for 20k for something that didn’t happen? While the asshole gets away scott free. Come now…that ain't right.
Load More Replies... In a court (at least here) his case would be thrown out. Nothing to do with the loan. An engagement ring is actually part of a contract under law. A promise to marry. Usually if the couple broke up the ring would go back to the giver but under these circumstances where he cheated and broke that contract so the ring is hers and at least here “family heirlooms” are not exempt under the engagement ring thing. And whoever said it’s loaned to the wife and goes back I’d he dies. What a load of bullshit. It’s the same as a wedding ring by law and stays with the wife. And who would be low enough to ask for it back anyway.
NTA he played a stupid game and lost. It's all his fault. Because you gave several warnings your ass is legally covered do not listen to ANYONE.
NTA. He was a jackass who's incredibly immature, wanted to be a cad and whore around, not pay his dues for ruining someone elses time/money - fuc* him. You gave him fair warning, he acted like a moron. You didn't marry him, so you're not responsible for dealing with this nonsense now. His problem.
I agree. If that ring pictured is the ring, I would sure like to know where a used ring like that is still worth $25,000. It doesn't look like it cost anywhere near that from the start. I also find it hard to believe that any woman would take out such extravagant loans for a wedding. What does that even say about their relationship if he wasn't willing to pay out anything at all? I think it's a total BS story too.
Load More Replies... Most are saying that the ring was a 'contract' or something similar to that so the ring should have been given back. However, it is seen as a contract and he f*cked up. So he broke the contract as well. I do agree that she should have contacted a lawyer. This may end up costing both of them more than the wedding and ring together.
In some states - like mine for instance - the conditional gift rule can be "fault based". So if the person who got the engagement ring is not at fault for the marriage being called off, she can keep the ring. In this case, I think a jury would find him cheating to be compelling reason why she was not at fault for the wedding being called off, and she would legally own the ring. However, heirlooms *are* different and I'm not sure which supersedes in this case. She definitely should have seen a lawyer.
Load More Replies... Another America-only problem. In most countries an engagement ring is the lady's to own - break up or no. You do not like that - do not give a ring, Or give symbolic one, not one that is worth a ton of money. And giving ring back is a cuortesy not a must. You really give back all the gifts to each other? Murrica is wild place.
It seems like you made him keep his promise on helping pay for it after all. He gave his word, lied/cheated, then refused to keep his word then was shocked when you found a way to make him? GTFOOH Mason! Your actions literally are a trail on how your family heirloom got sold not your fiancé's. Bullet dodged.
As many said, depending on what jurisdiction she lives, she could be legally forced to compensate the family for the loss of the ring. An engagement ring is a conditional gift, which means that the ring has to be returned if for whatever reason the marriage doesn't happen. She had no right to keep the ring hostage or sell it. She should have taken the guy to court. She was also really stupid to take out a $20 000 loan for a wedding without him co-signing. Best case scenario if she took him to court would be that she was awarded half of her money back. Worst case scenario: You took out the loan for a wedding and put it on your name, you pay for it.
she gave plenty of warnings her butt is legally covered he can't suit her over it now.
Load More Replies... I feel like there are quite a few red flags in this description and truthfully, she should've been the one who called off the wedding long ago. Taking out a $20k loan and he'd only help you AFTER you get married just sounds like he was taking advantage of her, esp if he never believed she would sell the ring after he got caught cheating. That said, she REALLY should have consulted a lawyer before she did this especially considering some of those messages to the ex about "I told you not to underestimate me" could come back and bite her making her look petty instead of just wanting a share of the costs when she got $20k instead of his $10k share.
IF....IF you're telling a true story, and I never buy what's on the Internet as full truth, you're the one who has fouled up, and you do need to get a lawyer immediately. An heirloom belongs to whomever gave it initially, not to the one who (perceives herself as) "wronged." And you got a loan for a stupid wedding???? Something that can be done in almost any courtroom anywhere in this country, and for a nano fraction of the cost you borrowed???? No, he shouldn't have to pay you anything like the $20,000 you claim to have borrowed, and he most certainly should get the ring back immediately! He's very fortunate to have escaped that marriage!
Don’t propose to someone if you intend to keep playing the field. Heirloom or not- certainly expect to be shafted right back, if you are then also unwilling to share the cost of the cancelled wedding. Go on her!
he's an assholes, she's an idiot. so, apparently he has enough money to pay for the wedding? than why does she take a loan only on her name? they should have done this together. or not at all to be honest. spending money someone doesn't really have on something as unneccesary as a wedding is just not smart
Generally if the bride breaks off the wedding, she returns the ring. However, this creep was cheating so his former bride should be able to keep the ring.
She warned several times & he didnt care,he told her! He could easely just have sat down & made arr about splitting the loan! But he choose war!!! 25000,-$ is a lot in debt!!! Its easy for people to say she was wrong!! What if U found out just before U’r Wedd,that everything U belived & have invested in,screwed U BIG TIME!!! Was F….. behind U’r back & after that leave U giant Debt!!!!!! U would do the same!!
It isn't true about the cheater having a strong lawsuit against OP for selling the ring, especially because she put him on notice. There are witnesses who confirmed he read the messages and that he didn't care if she sold it. That puts her in the clear and re-classifies the ring as a gift. I spent a few years working in a high end jewelry store. We were careful about things like that.
The worst thing is the fact that she took a loan. I don't think she's the AH since she contacted him to give the ring back, he didn't answer and he knew what she was going to do. WHY IN GOD'S NAME SOMEONE TAKES A LOAN FOR A FREAKING WEDDING!!!
ESH, he's a jerk for cheating and refusing to help with the wedding costs, but she's also an idiot for taking out a loan she couldn't afford. Expensive weddings are a luxury, not a need.
I'm having a hard time believing she was able to get the"cost" of the ring in a resale. I tried to sell a $4000.00 diamond bracelet and was offered $350.00. Assuming the ring was a diamond, the resale value is nothing.
Especially if it's a heirloom from the grandmother. Then it's probably "out of style" today and only worth the material it's made of. At least to professional buyers, of course.
Load More Replies... Clearly not. If she were rich, she wouldn't have gone into debt to pay for the wedding.
Load More Replies... I'm now wondering about the legal ownership status of an engagement ring both during engagement and after cancelling of engagement: In what jurisdictions is it the giver's property, the receivers, or shared?
It really depends on the state they live in, at least here in the U.S., if it goes to court. The generally accepted wedding etiquette rules are that if the woman breaks it off, she returns the ring. If the man ends the engagement, she gets to keep the ring (and I'm basing the woman/man terminology on this particular story, I do recognize same sex engagements/marriages). Any more, it seems to be all over the board. Someone else commented about a "family heirloom" being considered as a separate issue in court, which makes sense to me.
Load More Replies... ESH - you basically committed theft, even if the dude is a total jerkwad.
No, the dude was flippant in giving her the ring and promising marriage if he was going to cheat and then not respond to her. She gave him fair warning.
Load More Replies... Pf course everyone blames her, that's how she ended up with a person like Mason jn the first place
Is she the asshole maybe, but what she did could put her in debt anyway. Legally engagement rings aren't a gift they are like a contract for marriage and if the marriage doesn't happen she has to give it back. If he sues her she will be held liable to repay the value of the ring. What she could've done was sue him for the amount loss due to the cancellation of the wedding. Given the circumstance she could've gotten a judgement for at least half of the balance.
This BS is why I would never consider marriage. Seriously, everything in this story is just wrong.
"Caught him cheating on his ex"?? While I agree he was probably ON his ex, he would be cheating WITH the ex, ON his fiancée.
Does making a comment like this make you feel better about yourself? What the point of this?!? Grammar nazis and people who feel the need to point out every single spelling are so f*****g annoying!
Load More Replies...
64
90