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Headlines! They ought to be short, clear, and to the point. Ideally, they’ll also have a dash of humor or a cheesy pun thrown in to keep us entertained. Considering the massive amount of information each and every one of us is bombarded with on a daily basis, we prefer to get our news bite-sized and easily digestible. Who has the time to read everything cover to cover, anyway? And those of us who find the time for long-form content really want to know what kind of story we’re getting into. Some headlines, however, totally catch us off guard and make us do a double take.

So much so that we can’t help but sink our teeth into the story because of how dystopian it sounds. Bored Panda has collected the weirdest news story headlines out there that were probably meant to sound super wholesome and cheerful, yet are actually anything but. Tone-deaf and miserable? Yup, yup. Feel-good and heartwarming? Nope, nope.

Once you think about it for more than two seconds, you realize just how messed up the stories really are. Like features about coworkers donating their time off to a seriously sick colleague. Or people teleworking from the hospital. Or posts about kids starting up businesses to pay off someone’s debt. It really makes you think that these acts of kindness wouldn’t be needed if society prioritized different things.

If you have any faith in humanity left, we suggest you lock it up tight somewhere safe, dear Pandas. Where we’re going, we’ll only have unfairness and outrage as our companions. Share your opinions on these headlines and stories in the comments. And be sure to check out Bored Panda’s chat about the news, clickbait, and being overwhelmed by negativity with Ariane Sherine. She is the editor at ‘These Three Rooms,’ is super media-savvy, and has published a whole bunch of awesome books. You’ll find the full interview below.

#2

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

MoggyBee Report

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The Scout
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To quote Wikipedia: "The United States, Papua New Guinea, and a few island countries in the Pacific Ocean are the only countries in the United Nations that do not require employers to provide paid time off for new parents."

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Writer and editor Ariane shared her insights about how to make a headline stand out from the crowd and why clickbait works.

“Work out what in the article people want to know most, and then write a headline that suggests they'll learn that if they click on it—but ensure the payoff is just as good as the headline promises,” she shared some of her journalistic expertise with Bored Panda.

#5

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

nokia621 Report

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Laura Ketteridge
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The work done on the robotic bees will be applicable to all sorts of other areas too. It is not wasted research.

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#6

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meidasjordy Report

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Jyri Hakola
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or it depends if she wanted to walk to show an example to grandkids or if she were forced to walk without any alternatives. Many of these headlines are clearly horrific but this would need the article text to judge

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“Clickbait works because people are desperate to know the 'one weird trick that doctors don't want you to know!' or similar. When it turns out that the trick is actually something really mundane, readers feel cheated," she said, adding that this probably won’t stop them from clicking on future clickbait headlines. In short, clickbait works, but you really don’t want to mess with your readers’ expectations. You’ve gotta make it worth their while.

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#7

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

yashar Report

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Caro Caro
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes I wish I was so disgustingly filthy rich just to be able to help kids like this little girl.

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Angela B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And the people who are disgustingly filthy rich are going on d*@k measuring space rides.....

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AJ Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if I could briefly adopt American kids so they can get this sort of surgery for free in the UK.

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Moezzzz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I need a back surgery; can you adopt me? I joke, but honestly I had a stimulator placed (spine) and it cost $330,000. I owed $6700 (as my part). I still owe over 5 grand

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Péter Rózsahegyi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's terribly sad. USA should be turned off and on again, maybe that would help.

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Jens Pettersson
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah reboot? They are seldom any good compered to the sleezy, old and grimy one.

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Reinaldo Fuentes
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

America, where little kids must participate in The Running Man. No criminals, the killer is brain cancer, stay tuned to see if little Alabama girl makes it right after a word from our sponsor... You literally have to be an American to think America is great. No other status permits that conclusion.

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The idea that these types of stories are "heartwarming" is capitalistic propaganda. Don't fall for it.

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-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The girl was raising money for expenses not covered by insurance. https://www.cbs42.com/news/local/i-hope-i-make-it-7-year-old-alabama-girl-selling-lemonade-to-fund-her-own-brain-surgeries/

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Paul Z.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, let's not have Healthcare for all... the Christians in USA should all feel ashamed. Deeply. Bloody Joel Osteen up front

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tamèreestchaude
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

*bald eagle intensifys* MURICA! THE PLACE WHERE ELON MUSK GOES ON ROCKETS FOR FUN BUT THIS GIRL HAS TO PAY FOR HER OWN BRAIN SURGERY.

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Shannon Veillon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

tell me where she is and I will give her $100 for a cup of lemonade, I am sure most people would if they could

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Sterling Hill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well they’ve raised over $300,000 so that’s expensive lemonade!

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#8

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Notintheface1 Report

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Olivia Lisbon
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, with stuff like this and gerrymandering - some politicians are clearly trying to revert back to ancient Roman “democracy”, where you could vote - but only if you were an adult male and not a slave. There are “officially” no slaves now, so they’ve just replaced that group with “anyone who isn’t a carbon copy of me”.

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#9

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George Floyd did not sacrifice his life for shit, he was murdered by a racist cop in a racist system

reddit.com Report

According to media expert Ariane, from the UK, bad news tends to be a lot more dramatic than good news. And, well, drama really makes for a more entertaining read, no matter how miserable the story might be.

“This instinct towards drama and not empathy doesn't show humanity in its best light,” she said.

In her opinion, people read negative news for the same reason why they gawp at car crashes. “They want to ogle at what's happened because it's dramatic and entertaining and scary, but it's also a warning of what could happen to them if they're not careful.”

#10

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Public_Citizen Report

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Jyri Hakola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The whole concept of sick days as something that is counted and could be donated is mindbogglin

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#11

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A child can’t stay on the transplant list, solely because he’s homeless.

livfenty Report

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#12

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

LEBassett Report

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Rod
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In what kind of country does a 89 year old man still needs to deliver pizza to be able to make a living?

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We can easily become overwhelmed by all the negativity on the news and on social media. The truth is that life isn’t as horrible and evil as it’s presented: there’s a lot of beauty and good to be found, too.

Writer and editor Ariane shared her advice on what to do if you feel like you’re drowning in all the drama and awful headlines.

#14

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

BelleAriel Report

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Péter Rózsahegyi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'...so his friend can afford to eat without going into debt.' No. He paid the debt that was already made. If they eat again, they will go into debt again. He is a hero but to solve the problem is well over his power.

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“Turn off the telly or computer and immerse yourself in the good things in life. Pet a dog, spend time with the kids, run a hot bubble bath, read a lighthearted rom-com, speak to a cheery friend you care about, or go for a walk in the sunshine. It won't mean there aren't bad things in the world anymore of course, but shifting your focus will mean you soon feel a bit brighter and happier.” Any advice that involves petting dogs is 100% accurate, according to our local doggos and pupperinos.

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#17

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throwaway8902929383 Report

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The Scout
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Five paid days off are very generous, of course, seeing most european countries mandate between 20 and 30 of those by law...

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#18

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jentrification Report

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MyloXyloto
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's sad that she'd be in this condition, but in a way, it was probably her decision, and it's sweet that she cares for the students enough to do this.

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Quite a few of the wholesome-but–actually-awful news stories that come out from the United States have to do with the mess of a healthcare system that’s in place. We’ve covered why the system doesn’t work before, but in short, there are a lot of funds wasted on administrative costs, competition is scarce, and insurance providers care more about keeping costs down than patients healthy.

#19

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Aww it's so cute, he is so rich he has no idea about life at all, yet he has so much power

MyDarkKnightRose Report

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Monday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not sure this has anything to do with his wealth....I have absolutely no clue what pizza rolls cost. I'm assuming Bill Gates doesn't eat pizza rolls, so he'd have no reason to know the price.

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#20

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WrittenByHanna Report

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Random Anon
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While there are some "earn" that amount on his paycheck every minute doing absolutely nothing.

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A while back, Bored Panda spoke to Dr. Andrew Carroll, the head of Atembis LLC, about how healthcare providers have a clear financial incentive to keep the system as it currently is.

"It will be very difficult to reduce the administrative costs without overhauling the payment system altogether," he told us.

#22

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

JoshuaPotash Report

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Rod
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was on the news in France and everybody finds this so sad....

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#23

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deepwatermike Report

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Tamra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A civilized country would make sure no child has such a ridiculous thing such as "lunch debt" - feed them all! At no cost to them or their families! But then, you don't give a damn whether they have to defend against a shooter, so why the f**k would you care if they can eat or not, eh? I apologize for the rant, I am so disgusted with my country lately.

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#24

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People Incarcerated by State Do More Fore Student Than State

Semiattractivetamale Report

"Unfortunately, these payers tend not to have altruistic intentions towards their members. They cater to the advantage of the employers paying for the benefits, who want to try and spend the least amount of money they can,” Dr. Carroll said.

"Employers that pay for benefits will need to demand more of the companies providing the benefits or patients will need to file class-action lawsuits to demand that benefits due to them are not unduly restricted, as they are today."

#25

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

speechboy71 Report

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James016
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sure there is someone, somewhere moaning that if the kid worked harder, he could have paid for his own wheelchair /s (ish)

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#26

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johnogpdx Report

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Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Next up, Random Mathguy wins $$$ for his Physics 101 class material. Coming up next, teenagers getting injured doing random stunts.

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Meanwhile, media expert Mike Sington, from LA, shared his thoughts about our shortening attention spans.

"Our attention spans have been reduced to mere seconds at a time because that’s the way information and entertainment is fed to us now. People get tiny bite-sized bits of news by scrolling a Twitter feed, they entertain themselves by scrolling quickly through Instagram and TikTok. It’s creating a habit that doesn’t have to be,” he explained to Bored Panda during an earlier interview.

#28

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Voodoo_Pork Report

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Jyri Hakola
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or there were no public transportation to use.. owning a car and paying all related costs should not be the 1st priority for a single parent even if the wages would be better.

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#29

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feather_of_charcoal Report

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Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An American friend of mine lost her job, and I blithely said hey why not go back to university and get an advanced degree like I did when I was looking to switch careers for something that paid better? She said not possible because she can't afford the student loans, and I said oh but you just pay those off once you can afford it, which is also what I did. She told me no, here you have to pay it off immediately. I, the naive Australian, couldn't think of anything to say other than "WHAT??"

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#30

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A very cruel and efficient system

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The Scout
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not only limited to the military. The US are probably the only country that permanently uses debt as a means of control. Medical debt, student loan debt, lunch debt... To quote Hamlet: "it may be madness, but there's method in it..."

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"The good news is there’s plenty of long-form entertainment and news available, you just have to seek it out. I believe the benefit is worth it. I’ve discovered it improves your ability to focus, it’s more calming, you retain more information, and it gives you a more balanced and nuanced view of the world,” he advised people to try and change how they consume the news.

#31

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Work till you’re dead

TheBakerification Report

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The Scout
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one might actually not really belong on this list, as the reasons are different. Japan has a demographic problem with an aged population. More than a quarter of the population is over 65, over 15% are older than 75. There also is the problem of a different work ethic (people won't stop working until they absolutely become unable to, regardless of their financial situation), and they have been battling labour shortages for decades. Their restrictive stance on immigration has worsened the problem. Working longer is an unpleasant but unavoidable necessity in this case.

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#33

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jules_su Report

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Tamsin Far
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly.. having trouble at some time with organizing child care can happen everywhere. Free childcare services does not guarantee that this service is available at any given moment for everyone, especially not since 2019.

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#36

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socializm_ Report

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Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So child labour is legal if it's cute and by white kids ( I say this because a non white kid would be in handcuffs)

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#37

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Multigenerational wars are a good thing, right?

incogburritos Report

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Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fighting in the same old war so that old men can cash in on the deaths of the young

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#38

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Crying at work

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Olivia Lisbon
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

…is occasionally crying at work that normal? Interesting attempt at gaslighting, almost.

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#40

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JustSayXtian Report

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duck
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

no. ACAB is wrong. the bad police are the ones who are racist, homophobic, and overly violent. fix our justice system, not create little hateful abbreviations for it

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Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.