There are so many things we wish our children would grow up knowing. However, separating the wheat from the chaff, the wisdom from the illusions is always a tough thing to do. And some things that our kids end up learning do more harm than good, don’t you think, dear Pandas?
Well, the parents of Reddit have been pitching in and sharing their takes on what harmful things are being taught to children in a viral thread over on r/AskReddit. From advice on how we should always be double-checking information to embracing failure instead of running away from it, some of these tips and tricks are spot-on and help kids grow into healthy, happy adults. (And don’t tell anyone this, but some of us adults could use a handful of these tips, too.)
Have a read through them below and upvote the ones you agree with. Got any additional tips on what things children should and shouldn’t be taught? Be sure to share your thoughts with all the other Readers in the comment section.
I reached out to Lenore Skenazy to learn more about how to overcome the passive mindset that kids are taught to embrace in school and to be actively driven by curiosity into adulthood. Lenore is the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement and the president of Let Grow, a nonprofit organization that fights overprotection, promotes independence, and makes kids ‘future-proof.’ and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement. You’ll find her insights that she shared with Bored Panda below, dear Readers.
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Little girls get told all the time that boys are bullying them because they like them
Boys don't cry.
Let the damn boys cry
Making children hug or kiss someone (usually a relative) that they are uncomfortable with is not good. The child may just be grumpy and or not wanting to show affection or their warning bell sensors could be going off and they do not know how to communicate that. Plus forcing them to hug/kiss sends mixed messages about personal/physical boundaries and affection itself
Modern schooling, if left to its own devices, generally has the unwanted effect of making kids far more passive than we’d like them to be. School tends to reward following orders and compliance more than independence, active curiosity, and drive. And that’s an issue that can have far-reaching consequences, one of which is the fear of doing what you want or trying new things.
“When a seventh-grade teacher friend of mine asked her students—aged 12 and 13—what new things they wanted to do on their own, but were still a little hesitant to try, the responses were rather shocking to me,” Lenore, the founder of Let Grow and the Free-Range Kids movement, shared with Bored Panda.
“One kid wanted to walk the dog—but was afraid it would get off the leash. Another said he wanted to go to the store—but he’d never been inside one without his mom, and he was worried about being surrounded by strangers. A few said they wanted to take a bike ride or even climb a tree, but they were afraid of hurting themselves.”
What to think instead of how to think
That failure is bad. Failing should not be considered as an obstacle but a step in the learning process. Demonizing the failure and stigma associated with it makes many children lose their interest once they fail.
Lenore explained that “our catastrophizing culture” has scared parents so much, they’re anxious about letting their kids do pretty much anything and everything. While there are exceptions, of course, many parents veer sharply towards being overprotective and overbearing because they fear for their munchkins’ safety.
Ironically, the result is the opposite of what they want. “The result is not safety, it’s anxiety—kids who absorbed the message that everything is too much for them to handle. When you’re anxious, a simple slip-up doesn’t seem so simple. It seems huge—even life-threatening. How can you avoid those awful threats? That part is simple,” Lenore detailed. “You avoid doing anything.”
Doing nothing is exactly what the seventh graders that Lenore mentioned up above ended up doing. That fear spread to other parts of their life in the classroom, from taking tests (“what if they got a bad grade?”) to asking the teacher which side of the page they should write their name on (“they wouldn’t dare just choose their own!”).
Nobody cares about children’s/teens issues. “Well it’s only going to get worse from here”. “You think school is hard? Have you ever paid a f**king bill” “You’re just a kid you can’t feel this way”.
It breeds an emotional disconnect from parents and their kids. And makes kids feel alone in their emotional struggles, that nobody cares because they’re not adults and they don’t have “Adult Problems”.
Exactly. People often have bad assumptions of teenagers, but they have myriads of issues they don't talk about.
It seems like forcing kids to eat everything off their plate is pretty harmful, it doesn't matter if they're full, they have to clean off their plate and they can't leave the table until they do
I agree, this doesn't allow children to self regulate and know when they are full. It me years to unlearn this behavior.
Our pediatrician said to us early on "If the sum of the week feels healthy, then your kid is doing ok so long as you avoid sodas and processed sweets and junk food. So let her have the potatoes only, next time she will have the meet, and then she will have the fruit. Make it available, they will get there"
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Yes. Speaking as someone with an eating disorder, we need to promote healthy relationships with food early on.
Agreed...even today after having had surgery to get my obesity under control, I still have problems not eating something in it's entirety. This is so ingrained into me due to a financially strict upbringing and has caused so much anxiety.
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Punished edward, i advise you stop commenting so that you don't hit rock bottom in points.
To Edward, who's comment disappeared, no it does not work. Learning to listen to your body's bmneeds us important. If you don't want them stuffing their faces with s**t, don't buy it.
Yep. My parents did encourage us to try everything, but we weren't forced to eat food. Usually, we just ate what they made without a fuss. If we really didn't want it and were still hungry, we could go grab something else (they weren't taking custom orders), but there wasn't junk food in the house. My dad had been raised in a "clean your plate" family and had wanted to do that with us so we would learn to like eating our veggies. My mom pointed out to him that he still hated veggies, so we tried it her way. My sibling and I love our veggies. A great way to imprint something negative on a kid's brain for life is to make it a battleground.
Load More Replies... Yeah. It has literally taken me years to teach myself that I dont have to eat everything on my plate - even when I am full and struggeling to eat it, I still have to fight the urge to empty my plate. We dont force the kids to eat everything on thier plate either. We offer them a healthy variety and let them self regulate. They are perfectly healthy.
It's not black and white. I don't think forcing food on anyone, especially a kid, actually works, but as parents we do have to teach them how to eat, and part of that is finding a way to motivate them to try new things. Even if it's just a bite. If you try it and don't like it, I don't mind, but assuming you don't like it just because is something I never let my children do.
Yes, it's OK to say "just try a bite". But not to force the kid to eat all the plate (even if it depends on how old they are and if they filled their plate themselves). And for people who want to teach them how to eat, make them participate to the meal preparation. This is the best way to make them want to try.
Load More Replies... Letting kids clean the plate is working on the symptoms, not on the cause. Kids need to learn to develop healthy eating habbits. Starting with very small portions of everything is typically working very well. Moreover, they learn a lot by example. Parents who eat only the fries followed by a huge dessert cannot expect their children to be happy about a mere load of veggies.
Don’t make food a battleground with your kids. They learn YOUR eating behavior no matter how you fight about eating up. This has worked for my kid: whenever he said he didn’t like something I cooked I took it away without any discussion or anger and offered buttered or dry bread instead. When he said he was full I immediately cleared the food away, no discussion, no anger. No pleading EVER. No guilt tripping EVER. EVERRRRRRR.
My parents talked about a family they know who deos that. They just set the food in front of them the next meal if they don't eat it. One kid didn't eat for three days.
That's exactly what I would get, and how I responded (didn't eat)
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As an adult I've had to actively un-learn this behaviour in order to help address an unhealthy relationship with food. Children should be taught to stop when they are full instead of continuing to eat.
It is not a good way to teach children NOT to waste food. Please give your children smaller portions, and give them more food only if they ask for more.
This is a valid point, sometimes a person just can’t eat something. For a minor example, I can’t eat squash or anything that resembles squash. Or I can, just after bumps appearing on my skin, shivers running down my back, tears welling up and the need to gag or bring it back up. And it’s not because of anything besides the texture, I can handle the taste, I can eat the rind, but the middle part with the seeds and gunk I can’t do. But every time this happens people just say I’m overreacting. I have high tolerance for many things, but squash makes me feel sick just looking at it. Same thing just no gagging happens when I eat something where the sauce from another food mixes.
When my daughter was young, my rule was that she had to try three bites, chewed and swallowed. After that, if she didn't like it, I didn't make her eat it. We would try again in a year when her palette matured a bit. In the meantime, I'd just make another vegetable for her, since there were plenty she did like.
Forcing is NEVER a good idea . . . but . . . tasting should be okay. Doesn't matter if they will never eat squash again, but my parents made us taste 1 bite. How do they know they don't want sweet potatoes until they taste? And kids need to learn that EVERY MEAL DOES NOT have to end in a dessert!
I would be fine with my kids not finishing their dinner. Simply pack it up for lunch tomorrow. Nice healthy lunch ready to go.
If the child claims it is disgusting...listen! Autistic, ADHD, or sensory processing disorder children can sometimes actually feel or GET sick just because of a a texture or flavor...I have ADHD, and some things will actually prevent me from swallowing it's so gross...like oily things (hush puppies, deep fried onion rings, etc). Sometimes if bread was in my mouth too long, or if i was eating a sweet, and have suddenly eaten too much sugar.
Maybe teach them not to waste, and dish out as much as you can eat, you can always have seconds instead of throwing good food away
YES, appropriate serving size. Both our kids serve themselves often. Some kods, especially littles, need help understanding they don't do 5 scoops of broccoli if they knly want one. My rule has been - serve yourself you eat it. I serve and it is too much, OK no worries. But when they pour too much and they protest, we have a talk about next time and then I comprimise. If it is a repeated issue they can be helped in the future. When my oldest went to school she learned what food is eaten first, and what food is savable to have another time, so she doesn't bring home a string cheese to toss. When seeing how little she ate of half a sandwich, a string cheese, a bag of crackers, and a couple of mini carrots, for example, I reduced it. It wasn't that she wasn't hungry, she had 20 minutes and would rather socialize. It looked like I starved her. A quarter sandwich, 1 mini carrot, apple. But it is what she ate-and often brought it back full.
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I mean, my parents just want me to eat until it is at least a meal so I don’t get up in the middle of the night to clear out the fridge. They don’t make me eat it all.
And then it transfers to adulthood where you overeat on a constant basis because you don't want to be wasteful.
I think this 'rule'' is a matter of class system - the wealthy in 1900th century England used to say, "Leave some for Lady Manners." 'Finish your plate' could come from knowing there won't be any food tomorrow or something.
Kind of agree. If your child is full then yes, making them eat more is bad. But adversely, if you know your child is just going to ask for a snack after 5 minutes... To expand on the above a bit more, I also don't think it's right to force kids to eat things they don't like 'because they are "good" for you'. We as adults don't eat thing we don't like, so why should we expect kids to.
I have a fun story: I was about 8 or so, and my dad had made me dinner (my mum was out). He’d made me what looked like cats puke (sorry, but it’s true) and it seemed to be basically just lentils. 8-year-old me absolutely despised lentils, but I tried to eat it anyway. I literally couldn’t finish it, but my dad was making me eat every spoonful. No going to the bathroom, just had to eat it. I ended up puking, and he sent me to my room very angrily. Guess he thought I threw up on purpose.
It has been proven that forcing kids to eat things they don’t like, or making mealtimes a negative experience, increases the risk of body image issues and eating disorders.
Sure! Allowing them to eat so much chocolate and junk food as they like has made the American children the study place of obesity. Continue with that.
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Wasn't done to me and we didn't do that to our kids. We had 3 rules about eating. You have to try a bite of any new foods, if you didn't like it you didn't have to eat it. We would revisit disliked foods because tastes change, leftovers from your meal were yours for 24 hours then they were up for grabs for anyone to eat and if we were eating in the living room and had to get up for something you had to tell whoever you gave your plate to hold this, don't eat it. So many arguments over leftovers and stolen food before those rules were made lol.
my parents have forced me to eat that literally makes me gag. they wouldn't let me leave the table til I ate it all
An old habit that comes from old wartimes. You had to eat up because you didn't know when you'd have your next meal. Now, forcing a kid to eat the full meal is push him/her into bad eating habits. A door to obesity.
I cleaned my plate out of hunger and a desire to get at the fiver my grandpa put under the plate.
This form of parental bullying contributes to obesity. 1) It tends to disconnect the feeling of being hungry from actual eating. Eating is presented as a form of social force rather than a response to a legitimate body prompt. 2) It makes it wrong and bad to NOT eat everything you see -- even when you don't want to eat.
It is! That has been found as one reason for some people to have a hard time to lose weight.
I never was told I had to clear my plate or eat everything on it but being forced to eat things i didnt like was common place and as a kid it was not awesome. But as an adult I see that growing up my parents we poor and that meal was what we had and if I disnt eat what I didnt like then id go hungry
the only time this matter comes up in my household is when i try to get my kids to eat heathy .. i never have to force them to eat when its pizza or mcdonalds or spaghetti .. only when its carrots or peas or green beans .. sooo no , you ate 3 slices of pizza last night sooo i dont wanna hear them say theyre too full to eat 3 spoonfuls of carrots
My rule was easy. You put it on your plate you eat it all. I dish your plate you have to taste it.
Never made my children eat everything and my daughters (5) favorite food is broccoli or Brussel sprouts, depending on her mood
I was very picky as a child and I tell you parents have to do it sometimes otherwise the child may not eat anything. they should notice if there is something the child really hates and not to force it. in my case it is mushrooms and cauliflower. they even tried to mash it and fry it as meat but it didnt work and i spat it immediately. since then they never forced cauliflower on me.
I unintentionally got around this once - when I did exactly as asked (despite me crying and saying no/I'm full/my stomach hurts)... then proceeded to vomit it back up.
There is a difference between a kid who just wants up to play and then 5 min later they are hungry and allowing them to regulate themselves off true hunger. The difference being - if they still choose to play they won't get that food 5 minutes later, they wait for the next food time. Sometimes there is a comprimise, you know they are not full from 2 bites of food and you know it isn't god-awful. We have a good eater rule...eat a good enough amount. We encourage trying bites. We have 2 kids and one eats like a bird usually but eats a good variety. She tries things. The other one is more picky but when he likes it he eats a lot. He eats some veggies, as well. Favs are cauliflower and broccoli. Once they try a new food, we ask their opinion, thank them, move on. Do it again another time with the same food.
someone with some senses .. this is how we do it in my house
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Maybe look at "portion control" versus piling stuff up on the plate and then forcing the kid to eat it. Take a little, eat it, then get some more if you want it.
We had to finish our plates, but only if we filled them beforehand ourselves. „Are you sure you want to take that much? You have to finish it, think about it. You could take a little less and take seconds if you are still hungry.“ If food was served to us already on plates, we didn’t have to finish them.
I do not entirely agree with this. Children these days are far too picky and if allowed, which they usually are, eat junk food instead of healthy food. Mind you from what I have heard it is virtually impossible to get healthy food in the USA
Virtually impossible to get healthy food in the USA? Well, that's nonsense. Good veggies and beans and rice are available everywhere.
Load More Replies... Serve tiny portions and wait to see if they want seconds. Oh, and be a decent cook.
if I was actually doing that, my kid would only eat french fries and drink coke
That you can be anything you want in life.
Sorry but this just isn't correct. Poor Eddie who can't grasp basic division isn't going to be an astronaut
I agree with this 100%. I also hate the saying that everything is possible if you put your mind to it. Umm no, not everything is possible for everyone.
“The teacher told one girl who came to class late and hadn’t had time to get lunch, ‘That’s ok—just go grab something from the cafeteria and come back!’ ‘By myself?’ the girl asked. She was afraid to walk down the halls of her safe school, in a safe neighborhood, in suburban New York. Everyday life is seen as filled with risk.”
This passivity isn’t making children any happier, Lenore put it bluntly. Instead, kids are kept deep inside their comfort zones fully believing that it’s all that they can stand and that this is all that life has to offer. Fortunately, the students that Lenore mentioned had an awesome teacher who didn’t want them to go into high school and then adulthood with so much fear in their lives.
“She wanted to break the shell growing thicker around them every day. And so she assigned The Let Grow Project—a homework assignment that tells kids to, ‘Go home and do something new, on your own.’ At last, the kids were given a push to get out of their comfort zone—and so were their parents. After all, now school was telling them to let go of their kids and give them a little independence,” Lenore said.
“No “tattle tails” or “snitching”
How many kids are abused or bullied and won’t come forward because of this?”
The best way to 'deal' with a kid who is constantly snitching on others for minute things, in my experience, is to take them seriously and if it is possible (which with small conflicts between children it normally almost always is) to tell them to resolve the conflict on their own, by talking. Or, if the snitching kid actually was the one causing the conflict, to show them that you are aware of who actually started it ('Sarah was mean to me!' 'That is not nice, but I also saw you taking away her stuff. Could it be that she wasn't nice to you because of that?') Snitching becomes much less exciting, when there is no adult who goes berserk on the one your snitching on (or if you get caught doing something 'bad' yourself)
"If he's mean to you he likes you" It just teaches little girls (mostly girls) to expect violence from people who love them
Again, this comes from people thinking girls are easier to control. "It is easier for us to teach the girl that she likes being hit than it is for us to teach the boy to stop hitting."
My son’s preschool has a strict “you do not have to play if you don’t want to” policy. No one has to play with anyone they don’t want to play with. They say that no one has to to hug or touch anyone or be touched if they don’t want it. No one has to share their toys or other school supplies if they aren’t done with it. In fact the preschool teacher will go over and referee and say “is Bobby done with the toy car? No? Then Mikey, you have to wait until he is done.” It’s pretty refreshing. I wanted to let you know there are new philosophies and my son’s preschool really strongly teaches body autonomy. Your body is your own and no one can touch it or make you do anything with it without your permission
Oh, I'm not totally fine with this. Sometimes some guidance can be refreshing too for that kid that has a hard time connecting or little Bobby has been hogging that car the whole day. Small children totally act on instinct. Helping them look at other angles isn't going to hurt anyone. Just don't force anything. Hugs and physical contact? Totally agree. Although I feel this is more of an American thing?
“You can see the results in this 2-minute video. That teacher made them do twenty Let Grow Projects. And the result was kids blossoming like crazy—riding their bikes, joining sports programs, piercing their ears, making dinner, walking to town with their friends, and discovering how great it is to do rather than to hide.”
Lenore stressed that any school can do The Let Grow Project and all of their materials are available absolutely for free. You’ll find the project right here and the Independence Kit right over here.”It works for kids aged 5 to 14 or so. And by the way, if you or your school do The Project, drop me a note—I’d love to hear about it! You can write to me via Info@LetGrow.org,” Lenore added, saying that she wants you, dear Pandas, to reach out to her.
Being wrong is bad. That's why many people don't change their mind when they were given trustable sources, they don't want to be wrong
It's more than that, it's that being wrong will get you made fun of. Being wrong makes you an idiot.
Abstinence only sex education. This is more of what they're not being taught. Proper sex education is important.
Edit: For anyone interested I'm posting a link to a John Oliver segment on Americas sex education system. Its very informative but also quite funny.
I am just curious but do any other countries do abstinence based sex education or is it really only America?
My mom would often punish me for something, and whenever I asked why or what I did I was told “I’m the adult and you are the child” or “because I said so” or “you shouldn’t need a reason”.
In an earlier interview with Lenore, the president of Let Grow, and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement, told Bored Panda about how kids can keep their curiosity burning and their desire to learn bright and well-honed as they grow.
"I’ve been wondering this myself: How to stay curious when hit by 'the blahs?' Next to Covid (and in great part thanks to Covid) the blahs are the most catching virus around. You get tired and bored by being tired and bored, talking about being tired and bored, and succumbing to them,” Lenore said about how the pandemic is making all of us feel less energetic, physically and mentally.
“Unfortunately, the whole thing is self-reinforcing: A feeling of listlessness leads you to scroll through your social media of choice, which makes you feel more blah, leading you to scroll some more, etc."
Doing the right thing will sometimes make others hate you. Be prepared for that.
That complaining is the same as not being grateful. Can’t count the number of times growing up when adults basically told me to shut up whenever I was complaining about something and that I should be grateful that I was born where I was. Like sure, I’m glad I wasn’t born into some starving African family, but that doesn’t mean everything is perfect over here and that we shouldn’t try to improve things here as well.
Yes I hate this. People even say it to adults. We are entitled to our feelings, doesn’t matter if someone has a worse life than us, everyone copes with things differently.
No is a 'bad' word. It's a strong word but not a bad one.
Lenore put it bluntly: if we want to be curious about life again, if we want to be constantly learning, we have to start off by getting off the couch. “Force yourself out the door. Why? Because beyond your four walls, things are never exactly the same. Weather, animals, people, sounds, smells, clouds—they’re all swirling about."
She continued: "Ask yourself to start noticing new things. I did that this morning with a friend. We took a walk around our neighborhood and started looking for interesting details in the homes and buildings we passed. It went from a walk down streets we’d seen a million times to a sort of treasure hunt. And the big thing we were really hunting for? Curiosity! When you’re curious, you’re alive again—noticing, thinking, making connections. You can’t do that if there’s no new information coming in. So your first step is to force yourself out of a rut by leaving the house (harder during the pandemic, but not impossible)."
"The parents never make a mistake"
"No backtalk." Many adults use it as "you're not allowed to challenge what I have to say." Makes sense if it's a cranky toddler being negative for negativity's sake, but suddenly older children can't question things or raise valid points of their own.
That you shouldnt hit a woman. Dont hit anyone! (unless its self defence) If my child is being hit by a woman, and bullied...equal rights equal fights
If you look at the pandemic from a different perspective, it might motivate you to start learning new things. For instance, think about what you’d wish you’d learned or a skill that you’d like to have honed by the end of the pandemic.
“Think of something you’d like to be able to say you’ve been working on, especially once life returns to normal: 'Well, I wasted a lot of that free time I had, but at least I started...' Or, 'At least I learned…' For my sister, she’s taking ballet online. For my husband, he’s learning film editing. For me, it’s… oh God! I better come up with something fast! Um…let’s say I will learn how to create a Clubhouse program. Ok?" Lenore quipped that even the best of the best can struggle with this during the lockdowns.
Happened to my son in middle school, a kid sucker punched my son. My son then fought back and pinned the kid against the wall ( he has long arms) and punched him a few times. The school called me and my wife and told us our son was suspended. We went to the school and they said even though multiple witnesses as well as the kid said he threw the first punch that the school had a zero tolerance policy so our son would be suspended. We asked what the school believed our son should have done and they said he should just walk away. We told them that he would not be receiving any punishment at home and that the policy was f**ked up.
I think what we're not taught is more harmful. For example the fact that we never learn (at least in my country) how to fact check things.
Even leaving the house to get your blood flowing is a great step toward learning a new skill. What’s more, feeling envy toward someone who’s good at a particular skill or particularly learned is a good way to get yourself motivated to strive for more.
“Do not worry if you are taking that first step as simply something you’re doing thanks to social pressure, or for someone other than yourself. Change is change—the motivation doesn’t matter,” Lenore told Bored Panda.
Lenore believes that we should always be questing to learn more about the world while verifying whether or not something is actually true. That means navigating the world of false claims and fake news.
That everybody is a winner. No. Losing and disappointments are part of life and they are integral to your growth both emotionally and socially. We have a lot of people who enter the real world who have been told they are deserving of things just because and cannot take rejections and losses in their personal and professional lives with any grace whatsoever. This is also resulting in mediocrity being accepted as a norm cos nobody wants to call out ineptitude. While the hard work and dedication being put in by people who do end up in good positions are being played down. It's a little harsh but it's true. Kids gotta learn how to lose before they can truly start to win. That's the only way being gracious in victory will ever come about.
Participation trophies may lead to giving no effort at all in my opinion. Why would someone try if they're going to get praised anyway? Embrace failure, learn from it and if you want to succeed you can try harder next time :)
Kids are starting social media so early these days, and I think that’s very dangerous because it puts a lot of pressure on the kid to attribute their worth to their social media success. I also think parents are way too open with their social media when it comes to their kids, and it’s totally a violation of the child’s privacy, of which some parents will never admit
My 'favorite mum was the one who wouldn't allow the nursery school I worked in to take any photos of their child (making her child the only one who didn't get a memory book and learning portfolio) and screamed at me, because I (a man) was helping her daughter get dressed after she peed herself (she never objected to me doing so in advance and knew, that was one of my duties). She herself then proceeded to post hundreds of pictures of her daughter, including nude swimming pool photos, on facebook.
Bullies are only bullies because they feel insecure about themselves and you should sympathize with them. **k that, if someone is being s****y to you then they don't deserve your sympathy.
"When you’re reading an article that seems to be so shocking that you’re amazed this is the first time you’re hearing about it, take a short phrase from the piece and Google it. If something strikes you as fishy, go fishing," she said.
"As for whether or not your fishing will lead you to disinformation rather than the truth, try not to fish blindly. If you’re curious about crime stats, for instance, look these up on a government website, not some random blog," she explained. Checking websites like Snopes to see if some shocking stories are real or not is a good move.
Not owning up to their mistakes or blaming them on others.
Children do learn about sex at a young age, it just isn’t usually in a productive way. I know I did.
My own experience: questions like this are why I believe in being infinitely clear with my kids….”you are going to hear total [nonsense] from other kids. If you hear something you don’t understand, come talk to me. You can ask me anything and expect a decent answer.” And I would give examples of the total [nonsense] I had heard as a kid, most of which would result in pregnancy.
Son, age 6. Daughter, age 7. Riding home from school: daughter says “Tiffany said she had sex with my brother.” Which left me a grand total of 3 minutes to gather my wits before we got home.
OK, do you guys know what sex is? Blank looks. Sex is when you take off all of your clothes and rub privates together. You can make babies that way. Looks of shock and disgust. Do you think your brother had sex with Tiffany? Nooo! I think she was using a really bad way of trying to say she likes him, and maybe she watches the wrong TV shows where if people like each other they always have sex.
Were my kids really ready for a sex talk? No, not really. They didn’t care. Did we really need to have one about then? Yep. My job as a parent is to be there to put things that come up in context for them, not run around after them deciding what and when they need to know things.
How to internalize stress and implode as teens and adults.
“She’s younger than you, just let it go.” “Can’t you be more compassionate? Your the older one here in this situation" “ She’s a little child, she doesn’t know any better”
Absolutely hate this information that was drilled into me since I was a kid
Teaching them to respect authority instead of learning to freely question everything
How about understand authority and its use and still question everything, also your own desire to question it. Like for instance, what will it bring me or the world if I have this discussion about something arbitrary just because I don't accept your authority as a cashier at Walmart just doing your job versus how many stupid things can one president do before I accept that he is not fit.
The lie that life is fair and things happen for benevolent, valid reasons.
Then we let them get burned and figure it out themselves.
I hate that some schools, sports events etc no longer have winning or losing teams and only give out participation trophy’s, ribbons etc. Fact of life is that some people are going to be be more successful. Awarding everyone just for participating isn’t going to build resilience in these kids to deal with the real world.
You do not have to play with everyone. There is a total lack of social accountability. If Laura is always cheating at tag it’s okay to not let her play. If Little Billy throws sand in the sand box Little Timmy does not have to play with him. Laura and Billy need to learn how to play appropriately.
True. Still good to talk to Laura and Billy about their behavior. As the adult supervising. That's the thing with supervising. If you see things getting out of hand, you help them out by showing the how it's done. Forcing others to play with kids like that is just enforcing unwanted behavior. And that will take some time. But don't think shutting out Billy and Laura is the way to go. They too need your help.
Going too far on the "find your dream job and it'll never feel like work" stuff.
Really messed me up when I wasn't "excited" about uni assignments and thought I had to change degrees
Even if you do find your dream job doesn’t mean you will excel at it or like it forever.
School is the only way to be successful and college is a requirement.
Well, if we're talking "success" as making enough money to be secure, I don't think a university degree is necessary, but it's pretty difficult to get a good job without finishing high school and having some post-secondary education. It doesn't have to be university, but getting some sort of trade or professional education after high school is definitely an easier path to a living wage job.
This is more at a highschool level, but that trade schools or learning a trade is a lessor option compared to a standard college degree.
Trade schools and learning a skilled trade need just as much emphasis as a college degree.
Along those same lines, collage (or trade school) show be treated as a busy investment. Time should be taken for kids/teens to examine how long it will take to repay their schooling and if that degree is worth the money. Especially now with previous generation living longer and staying in the job market longer. Combined with more and more people graduating with degrees, there is more supply and the demand is not growing evenly in all areas of expertise.
You show me respect first because I’m an adult and have authority then I choose whether I should show you respect no other way!
Sometimes people confuse respecting people as a person and respecting people as an authority, and they say 'respect me as an authority or i wont respect you as a person', and they think they're being fair, but they aren't.
History from a single perspective. I am a history teacher and I firmly believe one of the most damaging things schools do is teach history from a single perspective, especially a euro-centric one. It just isn't how history works and causes lots of issues for any person/group who doesn't share that single perspective.
P.S. teaching what I call "great man" history is almost as bad. History was made by more than presidents, inventors, and celebrities. Teaching only about significant figure after significant figure minimizes the impact of the 99.99999999% of the population that isn't super famous.
Political views, at ages that children are really too young to understand them. They just spout off their parents thoughts
Being discouraged to speak up about illness's because it makes them weird/ somethings wrong with them. They talk about like, You need therapy, which isnt a bad concept and you probably do need it, but they picture it in such a bad light.
Generally just overprotecting them from the outside world. Kids that are raised in such a way have a hard time when they go out into real life.
Parents are in a quandary. They’re blamed for quite a bit. I understand the need to try and be perfect, protective, assertive, liberal, friendly etc.
In a nasty divorce, the parents may only talk about each other’s bad qualities and the kid(s) may have an issue/issues with their parents.
“The issue is that kids are told what’s important, not how to evaluate what’s important.
Are grades important? Sure, but why do they care? You don’t need a 4.0 from a crippling pricey college to get a good job that will allow you to live the lifestyle you want.
Is money important? Sure, but what so you need money for? You don’t need to work yourself to death to save for retirement and live a lifestyle that makes you happy.
Are friends important? Sure, but you don’t need to be a social butterfly with huge parties every weekend. If you’ve got a few people you like to spend time with, don’t worry about it.
Are material things important? Yeah, at a certain point, you do need some stuff to lead the lifestyle you want. But you don’t need the nicest car, newest phone, most exclusive clothes, or the best-decorated apartment.
The key is decide what life you want to live, and wrap your choices around it unapologetically, and that’s a tricky thing to figure out, and it has to be personal. No one can make that decision for you, even if they can give you valuable advice on how to get there."
I've already completed this--I know that I want to be an author, so I make all of my educational and major life choices based on that. XD
Basically all those s**t social media influencers that teach young people that it's all about money and brand names
If you have a different opinion than someone, you hate them and that's wrong.
Oh. I've thought about this one. Most people mostly feel things. As in what's right or wrong. So if they take a subject and actually start to reason about it and maybe come to a conclusion because of that, they still feel like everything is connected. So if you reason beyond that and disagree, they feel you disagree with everything you feel. When in fact it's merely this actively reasoned point. It takes some practice to get over that
I personally hate when I hear parents telling their kids white lies to stop them from doing something
Giving the kids anything they want without them working to get what they want. Also, telling the kids all their problems will magically go away in time, without them doing nothing.
i guess i agree with this because if you do that it will make them spoiled but dont neglect them. sure give them gifts on christmas or their birthday give them food and water but the rest they do on their own thats my childhood
that its ok to take your anger out on other people
and that everyone should have social media and compare themselves to those who look "better"
A former co-worker once told me whenever she had a frustrating day at the office she goes grocery shopping before going home and takes her anger out on some supermarket employee. Then she is relaxed when arriving at home. She was an adult woman in her forties and didn't understand what's wrong with this behaviour.
That the world outside your house is a scary and dangerous place. In the United States, it is largely not. Let them explore without fear.
Depends on who you are...sadly. Of course, living in the US, myself and the people around me are so privileged and have so much, but still, the US can be quite dangerous (I'm thinking racial violence, violence against women, etc.) and teaching children a certain amount of fear is a necessary step to keeping them safe :(
As a nursery school teacher I want to add a lie, we always tell parents: that they are the 'experts' for their own child. No. The 'Expert' for your child is your child. They know, what is best for them. They might have difficulties voicing it, but it is our job to help them translate. Sure, kids love to do risky things, but not because they don't know what is good for them, but because they don't know much about the world yet. If a kid tells you, that they want to jump down the Niagara falls, what they are telling you probably is: 'I want to explore', 'I want to be somewhere high up and see the world from a new perspective' 'Or I want to go to the water'. They tell you, which learning experiences at that moment would benefit their development. We then have to translate it into something safe. ('Maybe we should jump from the tower in the local swimming pool first?')
"They know what is the best for them". If would depend on my kids 5 and 3 they would watch cartoons all day long and eat only pasta Bolognese and pizza. I don't know how to translate this into something "useful /healthy"
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I have one...Telling kids that being part of the lgbtq+ is bad or you shouldn't be an allie.. this in my opinion is dumb because kids are young and are still trying to find themselfs I'm non-binary who grew up in a lgbtq+phobic household and when I then figured out myself I got really scared and upset because I thought if I told my family they would get pissed ( which they did) which led me into deppression. also saying kids wont understand lgbtq+ and are doing for a trend please kids are saying they n word for no reason and cussing ,starting good protests. please kids know things about the world and if a kid is lgbtq+ you might not agree I cant force you too but please respect it.
Also Cischet people can be apart of the LGBTQ+ Straight Asexuals and Aromantics.
Load More Replies...
Something we need to tell children and adults is that parents are not perfect, they are very imperfect - but as human beings they are striving to work on that. Ideally they have improved on how their parents raised them and their children will do more so if they have children. I have generational trauma that my father survived, while he did not visit it on us there were other things (his trauma leaking out making him kind of weird), I know I will do the same but we acknowledge it in our family. There is something I will unknowingly pass on, while I can't stop that I can admit that it's probably there and make room for more healing.
Children should be free from religion. I never understood how some parents could dictate their children what to believe.
Reminds me of "Religion is like a penis. It's ok to have it. It's even ok to be proud of it. But it's NOT ok to talk about it all the time. AND IT'S DEFINITELY NOT OK TO SHOVE IT DOWN OUR CHILDREN'S THROATS "
Load More Replies... is it just me or is this server getting more and more f****d up every day? replies appearing under wrong comments, comments disappearing randomly when clicked on "view more comments/replies", upvoting and downvoting doesn't work at all...
Yes! Comments are wrong, the downvoted ones are at the top....I'm glad it's not just me!
Load More Replies... One thing I would like to add: yes, teach your child to entertain themselves, but also spend time with them. My mom was SOOO pleased I left her alone (happily) while she worked on her master's. However, I remeber feeling sad at times because she was too busy for me to show her my puzzle, or whatever. Now, I am struggling to figure out how to entertain myself, and when I ask my mom (who has nothing to do but sit and worry all day) to play a bored game with me, or something time consuming, or even to just let me read a fiction book out loud to her, she almost always refuses...and I feel she has no interesting in doing something together. In fact, just 5 years ago, a request to do something with her was usually answered with "let's take a nap". I have literally napped ONCE since I was younger than 3.
Stop telling them that Covid is a cold and that face masks will kill them.
the one thing parents must not teach their children is that illnesses are bad and are things you can use as slang. For example, where I live, all kids (mostly 8 year old boys) love to use the word schizophrenic as an insult. THIS IS NOT OK. WHY? And mental illnesses are also considered funny and stupid. this is not okay and it needs to stop. And no, I am not sexist. It's just the fact that boys here are taught that it's okay to make fun of people. And they are also really pressured by society to be "cool" and use these words. Just so you know, most don't even know what the word means.
My parents told me to stop saying ‘I don’t know’ and shrugging because it’s not the ‘right’ answer. They told me I was being too moody and blamed it on my, not my hormones. I am becoming a teenager now, and everyone blames it on me. It’s not like I can stop growing up. Another thing would be that my parents would punish me, I’d ask what I did wrong and they’d give me some stupid excuse like ‘because I said so’ or ‘I’m the parent’. This even happened with my friends, when I was in grade 1 or 2. They said they could tell me what to do because they were older than me. And one more thing: my parents force me to socialise with people I don’t know. Like, my parents’ friends and their kids. I never knew them but I was forced to say hello, greet myself and play with them. Once, I was going for a walk, and my brother and I went ahead of my parents, there was a lady, a man and two children. Then, the lady said hello to us. We didn’t know if she was a stranger or a friend.
We make it now seem like it's bad to be weird. my parents have always made sure i embrace my inner weird, and Im thankful for that.
I'm shocked that "Because I said so" wasn't on the list, much less #1 on the list!! ............ And I think it's what is NOT being taught to kids anymore = self reliance, honesty, compassion, manners, etiquette, social responsibility, social manners, social etiquette, think for yourself, what you see on TV is ENTERTAINMENT NOT REALITY OR TRUTH, don't expect other people to do it for you or think it for you because they aren't you, other people live on this planet so don't be an ass, theres a time and place for everything, and sex is NOT the most important thing, much less the end-all, be-all, super duper awesome thing the lying media and fake TV tells you it is. Some people go their whole lives without sex, and are extremely happy people.
As a teacher, I'd like to add: don't worry too much about your homework, some time to goof off and a good night's sleep are more important.
This week's "really obvious parenting" post, with tips to avoid things that nobody in their right mind would actually do. Stay tuned, Hans will be along in a minute with a recommended reading list of books he hasn't read.
Actually these aren't obvious to a lot of people. It's like some weird "reflex" to just say stuff we heard/were taught, and it's hard to break the cycle.
Load More Replies... The first thing people need to stop teaching to their kids is religion. Your kids aren't born stupid. Your indoctrination turns them into idiots.
Actually, as a kid my parents (I guess they are Christian, although they don't attend church etc), they would take my sister and I to the local Presbyterian church, until we were 8 & 11, then said we could choose if we wished to keep going. We didn't. But it meant that I got perspective on religion, and kept me from being judgemental of those who choose religion; I could see the sense of community and positivity that came from that local church. It also opened my mind just enough to take philosophy of religion at uni, which has given me a better understanding of religions of which I was ignorant. Summary: I'm agnostic more than atheist, and I respect other people's religious choices. I don't accept the misuse of religion to excuse mistreatment however. All religions share common threads and similar tales within them, and love and tolerance are meant to be core aspects of most religion.
Load More Replies...
I do notice that this new generation has got less respect for anything and anyone than before, and shy away from responsibilities. It's always someone else's fault. I AM generalizing, but this is what I am witnessing around me. And with my own children!
if you do things worthy of respect you will get it gen z here
Load More Replies...
oh god ok im thinking of starting a new place contry underwater so i dont have my children learn these lies
As a nursery school teacher I want to add a lie, we always tell parents: that they are the 'experts' for their own child. No. The 'Expert' for your child is your child. They know, what is best for them. They might have difficulties voicing it, but it is our job to help them translate. Sure, kids love to do risky things, but not because they don't know what is good for them, but because they don't know much about the world yet. If a kid tells you, that they want to jump down the Niagara falls, what they are telling you probably is: 'I want to explore', 'I want to be somewhere high up and see the world from a new perspective' 'Or I want to go to the water'. They tell you, which learning experiences at that moment would benefit their development. We then have to translate it into something safe. ('Maybe we should jump from the tower in the local swimming pool first?')
"They know what is the best for them". If would depend on my kids 5 and 3 they would watch cartoons all day long and eat only pasta Bolognese and pizza. I don't know how to translate this into something "useful /healthy"
Load More Replies... I have one...Telling kids that being part of the lgbtq+ is bad or you shouldn't be an allie.. this in my opinion is dumb because kids are young and are still trying to find themselfs I'm non-binary who grew up in a lgbtq+phobic household and when I then figured out myself I got really scared and upset because I thought if I told my family they would get pissed ( which they did) which led me into deppression. also saying kids wont understand lgbtq+ and are doing for a trend please kids are saying they n word for no reason and cussing ,starting good protests. please kids know things about the world and if a kid is lgbtq+ you might not agree I cant force you too but please respect it.
Also Cischet people can be apart of the LGBTQ+ Straight Asexuals and Aromantics.
Load More Replies... Something we need to tell children and adults is that parents are not perfect, they are very imperfect - but as human beings they are striving to work on that. Ideally they have improved on how their parents raised them and their children will do more so if they have children. I have generational trauma that my father survived, while he did not visit it on us there were other things (his trauma leaking out making him kind of weird), I know I will do the same but we acknowledge it in our family. There is something I will unknowingly pass on, while I can't stop that I can admit that it's probably there and make room for more healing.
Children should be free from religion. I never understood how some parents could dictate their children what to believe.
Reminds me of "Religion is like a penis. It's ok to have it. It's even ok to be proud of it. But it's NOT ok to talk about it all the time. AND IT'S DEFINITELY NOT OK TO SHOVE IT DOWN OUR CHILDREN'S THROATS "
Load More Replies... is it just me or is this server getting more and more f****d up every day? replies appearing under wrong comments, comments disappearing randomly when clicked on "view more comments/replies", upvoting and downvoting doesn't work at all...
Yes! Comments are wrong, the downvoted ones are at the top....I'm glad it's not just me!
Load More Replies... One thing I would like to add: yes, teach your child to entertain themselves, but also spend time with them. My mom was SOOO pleased I left her alone (happily) while she worked on her master's. However, I remeber feeling sad at times because she was too busy for me to show her my puzzle, or whatever. Now, I am struggling to figure out how to entertain myself, and when I ask my mom (who has nothing to do but sit and worry all day) to play a bored game with me, or something time consuming, or even to just let me read a fiction book out loud to her, she almost always refuses...and I feel she has no interesting in doing something together. In fact, just 5 years ago, a request to do something with her was usually answered with "let's take a nap". I have literally napped ONCE since I was younger than 3.
Stop telling them that Covid is a cold and that face masks will kill them.
the one thing parents must not teach their children is that illnesses are bad and are things you can use as slang. For example, where I live, all kids (mostly 8 year old boys) love to use the word schizophrenic as an insult. THIS IS NOT OK. WHY? And mental illnesses are also considered funny and stupid. this is not okay and it needs to stop. And no, I am not sexist. It's just the fact that boys here are taught that it's okay to make fun of people. And they are also really pressured by society to be "cool" and use these words. Just so you know, most don't even know what the word means.
My parents told me to stop saying ‘I don’t know’ and shrugging because it’s not the ‘right’ answer. They told me I was being too moody and blamed it on my, not my hormones. I am becoming a teenager now, and everyone blames it on me. It’s not like I can stop growing up. Another thing would be that my parents would punish me, I’d ask what I did wrong and they’d give me some stupid excuse like ‘because I said so’ or ‘I’m the parent’. This even happened with my friends, when I was in grade 1 or 2. They said they could tell me what to do because they were older than me. And one more thing: my parents force me to socialise with people I don’t know. Like, my parents’ friends and their kids. I never knew them but I was forced to say hello, greet myself and play with them. Once, I was going for a walk, and my brother and I went ahead of my parents, there was a lady, a man and two children. Then, the lady said hello to us. We didn’t know if she was a stranger or a friend.
We make it now seem like it's bad to be weird. my parents have always made sure i embrace my inner weird, and Im thankful for that.
I'm shocked that "Because I said so" wasn't on the list, much less #1 on the list!! ............ And I think it's what is NOT being taught to kids anymore = self reliance, honesty, compassion, manners, etiquette, social responsibility, social manners, social etiquette, think for yourself, what you see on TV is ENTERTAINMENT NOT REALITY OR TRUTH, don't expect other people to do it for you or think it for you because they aren't you, other people live on this planet so don't be an ass, theres a time and place for everything, and sex is NOT the most important thing, much less the end-all, be-all, super duper awesome thing the lying media and fake TV tells you it is. Some people go their whole lives without sex, and are extremely happy people.
As a teacher, I'd like to add: don't worry too much about your homework, some time to goof off and a good night's sleep are more important.
This week's "really obvious parenting" post, with tips to avoid things that nobody in their right mind would actually do. Stay tuned, Hans will be along in a minute with a recommended reading list of books he hasn't read.
Actually these aren't obvious to a lot of people. It's like some weird "reflex" to just say stuff we heard/were taught, and it's hard to break the cycle.
Load More Replies... The first thing people need to stop teaching to their kids is religion. Your kids aren't born stupid. Your indoctrination turns them into idiots.
Actually, as a kid my parents (I guess they are Christian, although they don't attend church etc), they would take my sister and I to the local Presbyterian church, until we were 8 & 11, then said we could choose if we wished to keep going. We didn't. But it meant that I got perspective on religion, and kept me from being judgemental of those who choose religion; I could see the sense of community and positivity that came from that local church. It also opened my mind just enough to take philosophy of religion at uni, which has given me a better understanding of religions of which I was ignorant. Summary: I'm agnostic more than atheist, and I respect other people's religious choices. I don't accept the misuse of religion to excuse mistreatment however. All religions share common threads and similar tales within them, and love and tolerance are meant to be core aspects of most religion.
Load More Replies... I do notice that this new generation has got less respect for anything and anyone than before, and shy away from responsibilities. It's always someone else's fault. I AM generalizing, but this is what I am witnessing around me. And with my own children!
if you do things worthy of respect you will get it gen z here
Load More Replies... oh god ok im thinking of starting a new place contry underwater so i dont have my children learn these lies
