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46 Hard Truths Women Realize At Some Point In Their Lives And Have To Accept And Live With
Everybody's problems are different, and they all deserve to be heard, so feminist writer Carina North, who blogs about trauma and recovery, has recently asked women on Threads to list what they believe to be the worst parts of womanhood.
In just a few days, she has received hundreds of honest accounts on rigid social structures, tense interpersonal relationships, and challenging body changes.
As AI slop floods the media, this discussion stood out as an increasingly rare example of genuine reflection and meaningful dialogue. To spare you the hassle of scrolling through everything yourself, we've gathered some of the top insights and invite you to join the conversation.
More info: Instagram | Substack | Threads
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Being alone and peaceful is far greater than settling or forcing myself to make something work with someone that isn't my person.
Power puff scientist 2 months ago
This is so true in life in general, it's better to be alone than with the wrong person because the wrong person is going to make your life so much more miserable.
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#2
That doctors will disregard our concerns and pain tolerance, even if they are a female.
StrangeOne 2 months ago (edited)
What is up with some nurses? I've had really good nurses. But then there's those who think that if you've ever birthed a child your whole nervous system came out, too.
Of course, the situation might look different depending on which part of the world you analyze, but at least in the United States, two of the top three concerns for women are inflation and the economy.
A collaboration between the Barbara Lee Family Foundation and the Women & Politics Institute at American University has resulted in a survey that revealed 56% of the country's women feel their financial situations worsened in recent years.
67% of respondents cut back on going out to restaurants, 48% reduced the amount they spend on groceries, and 18% delayed or canceled preventive health screenings.
Nearly 40% of younger women can make ends meet each month but struggle to pay or save for unexpected expenses, while 20% of young women admit they struggle to make ends meet each month and sometimes come up short.
#4
That it doesn't matter what I do or accomplish, only how attractive people find me.
Argriffith 2 months ago
Such an unfortunate truth. I gained a little weight and I was treated very VERY differently. It's really sad how much your looks have an effect on how others treat you. You can be the smartest sweetest woman in the planet but if the other person finds you ugly dollars to doughnuts they aren't going to smile back at you.
#5
That my own parents are upset that I don’t want kids. I am 24 and they keep saying “you’ll change your mind” no I won’t. It’s so annoying. Like I am grown and can make my own decisions about MY OWN body.
60% say they are pessimistic about the economy, and nearly half (47%) say they are anxious or worried about how things are going in the U.S.
As a result, the majority (60%) feel they're more burned out than usual.
Only 20% of those surveyed say they're hopeful.
#6
My mum had to get a man to speak to businesses over the phone to get respect when she was dealing with them. She was a single parent and worked so hard but was never heard.
#7
That for a lot of men, once you reach a certain age as a woman, you’re invisible. I sit with many elderly women in hospice, they have stories for days. But only I seem to hear them. I work with women in their late 50s and early 60s, and the lives they have lived are truly, AMAZING. Is this our fate? To only exist to men, during the maiden/ mother phase of life? Half the population ignores women 45+💔
Mel in Georgia 2 months ago
I LOVE being mostly invisible in my 60s. Who cares what men in general think! My husband loves me, my kids love me, my friends love me ... F the male gaze and interest!
#8
That my body is weaker than a man's and that therefore I will never feel safe. That 40 years of periods and 500+ cycles is somehow not enough.
Argriffith 2 months ago
THIS. I silently have struggled with this for most of my life. No amount of self defense classes, or training will allow me to walk down the street at night without fear the way most men can. I'm not weak by any means but I know that if I got grabbed by a couple men it would be game over.
#9
OH another one— instead of listening to the literal billions of women who TELL them what women want, they will always throw that away and take a man’s advice on what women want.
cuz of course, we’re lying and they know better.
StrangeOne 2 months ago
Some men will even tell you signs your body says to him that you're in the mood for s*x, and tell you what should feel good to you because it feels good to him, no matter what.
Heather Rose Artushin, LISW-CP, agrees that workplace norms, gendered societal expectations, and relationship dynamics can hold women back.
"Many women desire a balance between career, family, and a fulfilling personal life, but achieving this balance is often not so easy," she says. "Societal expectations, like taking on the majority of housework and childcare tasks even when working full-time, and workplace biases, like lower pay and inflexible work hours, leave women feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and burned out."
#10
That nobody cares about our health as much as we do. Including doctors. Every symptom I have is an uphill battle to not be labelled as 'anxious'. Sometimes I feel like we're still in the 1800s and I'll be sent to an asylum before my symptoms are taken seriously :,). Not listening to health care professionals has saved my life and that terrifies me.
Farah (she/her) 2 months ago
cross out including and write ESPECIALLY because not all stomach pains is period cramps >:(
#11
I will always be judged based on my body and looks, and it's the first thing men attack when they realise how strong my character is.
#12
No matter how much we succeed, most men will think they're superior by default
Farah (she/her) 2 months ago
My mum worked for this man (for a month, then she found a better offer and left lol) and he never wanted his employees to imply that they know more than him. I asked my mum if she hates him and she said "no honey I just feel bad for him"
But while workplace norms and gendered societal expectations stand in the way of women having it all, relationships can also play a role.
"It isn't uncommon for female spouses to give their male partners time to work late at the office or travel for business, taking on the extra burden at home, but what would it be like for men to give women the same time to invest in their careers without having to worry about making dinner, packing lunches, or facilitating the bedtime routine with the kids?" the therapist asks.
Hopefully, we'll see more couples sharing the load so both partners can thrive at work and at home.
#14
You can say something very relevant, honest and well thought, but nobody will truly listen until a man repeats it.
katiekat0214 2 months ago
Nope, you're not leveraging power here. I've had "he-peating" happen to me, and I started getting louder, and saying VERY firmly, "I just said that", and shooting dirty looks to the he-peater. He got the hint very quickly. And I also made sure that a few people at the meeting would be the ones who would circle back and say, hey, Katiekat just made a good point, can you say that again?" or even better, "John, you interrupted Katiekat, let's hear what she has to say." The second one is GOLD, done by anyone. Those people who make sure all voices are heard are priceless.
#15
That I likely will not outlive patriarchy.
#16
While 60 countries have had female leaders already, the US still refuses to vote for a female President. Twice now, qualified women were willing to serve their country and instead...well, you know the rest.
Mel in Georgia 2 months ago
Yeah, this one more than the other posts hits like the truth. The US severely lags behind other nations in their respect for women who would make good leaders. I know Hillary especially, is divisive, but she is one of the most competent women in US politics we've ever known.
#17
That it always will be my fault. because I should have tidied up after them, I should have checked they're OK, I should have known what everyone liked, I shouldn't have spoken out.
Farah (she/her) 2 months ago
"Was a good girl so I'd sit tight and if I don't speak then we can't fight" - Cinderella's Dead by Emeline
#19
Lots of men will never see us as people. Men can pursue and even marry us and tick the boxes of treating us ok (like you do a pet or appliance) - it doesn’t mean he sees you as a person or is interested in you as a person. Those men are also creating products and making laws and leading institutions while ignoring the needs of half the population - not noticing when we’re not in the room, and happier when we’re not as it’s uncomfortable when not-people speak up.
#20
That most other women underestimate their capabilities. I can’t even recall how many times I have had women in my neighborhood asked me where I take my car in for service and when I tell them that I do it myself they’re completely flabbergasted. I always invite them over to watch and learn how to do with themselves and see how easy it is. Only the really easy stuff: oil changes, brakes, belts, hoses, spark plugs… If I can learn to bake a cake they can learn to change their own oil.
Power puff scientist 2 months ago
I often think people in general don't learn these kind of important basic skills anymore. Most people find it easier to just pay someone else for these kind of jobs. So many examples of pretty easy skills almost no one possess anymore.
#21
Gynos will always say and convince others (including women) that we don't feel pain down there.
#22
One of the hardest ugly truths I’ve had to accept as a woman is having to back up statements with research or a source. I have several instances where I state a fact and a dude will be like, “wait, that can’t be right?” And then I will literally pull the book out that it was from and cite my source and sometimes they’ll be like “ah ok” and other times they’ll want more sources.
#23
The saddest topic 😔
I can only agree with… literally every single lady here.
My own truth: no matter how educated and experienced you are, your supervisor (if it’s a man) will always prioritise another man’s opinion and decision.
#24
That I can accomplish many things, help many people and still get dismissed because I’m over 50.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 2 months ago
When people expect less from you, they’re giving you back some of your time and energy. Take it! And use it wisely. 😏
#25
I will never get proper care from the industrialized healthcare system.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 2 months ago
It’s partly sexism, and (in the U.S.) partly for-profit healthcare.
#26
That women’s jobs and women don’t make the same money as men’s jobs and men.
Luke Branwen 2 months ago
But it's all women's fault! Men go for prestigious, high-paying jobs like managers or developers, while women only pursue lowly, meager careers like female managers or female developers.
#27
I think the scariest one for me is that there very well could be a great, upstanding man who pursues me in earnest and genuinely wants everything I want, but I’ll be so afraid waiting for the other shoe to drop that I’ll ruin it somehow. But I’m working at conquering that fear, and not being the conquered.
#28
The fact that I must look a certain way and be feminine to be found attractive by a man. Welp I guess I am not trying anymore and just being unapologetically a gremlin (myself).
Littlemiss 2 months ago
Yep, being ugly isn't for the faint of heart. If you're shy, and wary because of treatment from other males then you are a right off.
#29
That no matter how we look, we will get harrased. Men used to always make gross comments about my body and the only reason they stopped is that I gained weight. So now they are making different gross comments about my body. Yay... 😑
katiekat0214 2 months ago
Rip that power away from all harassers. Whenever possible, if some man has said something to me like that, I've gotten loud, up in his face, talked over him, interrupted, and utterly stripped him of all alleged power, control, dominance. Again, they only do this once, and then they know they are inferior beings. Otherwise, I simply don't react or respond at all, and treat them as if they simply don't even exist and their words never spoken. I hope it disrupts them so hard, they doubt their own existence.
#30
That not being married with children by a certain age makes you worthless. Oh and that once your 40 or over you've "passed your prime. "
setsuriseikou 2 months ago
And being married with children also somehow makes you worth very little, as in "why give her a raise/promotion, she's got a husband to feed her, and anyway she should pour herself into caring for her kids, not building a career"
#31
The term wife means different things to men and women.
katiekat0214 2 months ago
This is where slowing things down, and doing a LOT of talking over time makes things clear. Don't be in any rush to get married. Remember that you never HAVE to get married, and that living apart together is a valid form of partnership. Make sure you marry someone who is on the same page as you. And any and all trad husbands can die mad and alone anyway. That's just such trash.
#32
For me it’s the sacrifice I give as a mom a wife a daughter a sister etc. the sacrifice is never seen it feels like
StrangeOne 2 months ago
My mom is the only one who saw all the sacrifices I made for my family. My daughter's dad and his parents only saw I didn't make enough sacrifices.
#33
That no matter how much in life you accomplish for yourself, you’ll always only be measured by if you’re “married” and if you’re a “mother”
StrangeOne 2 months ago
I do want to say single moms get a lot of kudos when they go back to school, get a job, do anything. Meanwhile, single moms are doing the same thing other women are doing. The only difference is that they have to get their kids ready and out the door and off to daycare or school. It's still amazing when any women accomplishes anything. But I think the single moms get praised for things that are generally mundane or typical.
#34
Sales men literally will not look or listen to you if you're there with your male partner.
Tim Richards 2 months ago
Oh boy...this one hits a little bit. My wife went car shopping, and I went with her. We walked into a place looking for a nice, used convertible, and the salesperson (male) came up to me, introduced himself to me, and asked how he could help us. I said, "My wife is the one doing the buying, so you should talk to her." Meanwhile, he keeps asking me questions, and I try to divert him to my wife again. He kept going, and my wife - who is literally the kindest person I have ever met - is visibly seething. I asked if she wanted to leave, and she, of course, said yes. The guy is confused, and I just told him, "I tried to tell you three times, and you just f****d it up."
#35
Men don’t LIKE women.
They like what they signify—a wife, house, kids—signifies success.
But I don’t think most men genuinely LIKE women.
Power puff scientist 2 months ago
I don't generally think this is true. Probably everyone knows a few if these guys but i think the average Guy doesn't dislike women. I have so many good female friends.
#36
That after years of working, raising kids and managing most of the household chaos… I am becoming invisible…
#37
Very little community for us. Men want to sleep with us, other women want to sabotage us.. very few genuine people who don’t have ulterior motives.
#38
anything I achieve in life will be downplayed or overshadowed by being pretty.
i’m so tired of the comments after conversations being:
“wow you’re *ACTUALLY* really intelligent/funny/nice/wise/etc”— almost is if they’re asking a question & scratching their heads about how there’s an actual brain & person with a life inside of my body.
#39
That even when we act defensive or avoid men cause of fear they will call us ridiculous
Black Cat 2 months ago
What gets me is that even on BP you can say you dont feel safe around men etc and men will get indignant and angry at you the woman for not tryusting men rather than all the creeps who give all men a bad name and who have made women so distrustful. The lack of basic empathy from men makes us think they hate women.
#40
PCOS has made me into this "man" that everyone wants to swear I am. No, it is a hormonal disorder 🙃
Power puff scientist 2 months ago
I had to Google: Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a common condition that affects your hormones.
#41
That a man, will always and I mean always want something from you. Whether family friend or lover
#43
That other women will never stop reminding me to be scared
And use it to stop me
And tell me it's for my own good
As if I don't get enough fear naturally
That's not my place and we agree
So stop telling me so and insisting
Not to be insensitive
Just honest
That's how I deal
katiekat0214 2 months ago
I'm a solo female world traveler and have been to 29 countries. I just hold up a hand, and say, "I live my life, not my fears." That shuts them up and shuts them down, which is what I want anyway. Don't allow others to project their fears and insecurities onto you.
#44
That I was born into a culture that uses the solar calendar and orients time linearly, utterly divorced from nature, literally putting me at fundamental odds with my own biology.
And it's just accepted, the justice of it not questioned.
#45
We will be betrayed by everyone we love at some point in our live and there is nothing we can do to prevent it from happening. It doesn't matter what we did or did not before. We can only move on from that point.
Power puff scientist 2 months ago
If literally everyone in your life betrayed you something else Might be wrong.
#46
That as a BLACK WOMAN, most white women are not only NOT SAFE, but actively harmful to me.
What do you think ?
Mel in Georgia 2 months ago
Am I naive? Protected? Lucky? I've experienced my share of terrible men in my 60+ years but also know that most have been pretty awesome. I'm glad to have been born in a time when women, despite having to work harder and smarter, have had the opportunity to succeed in careers. It wasn't always the case. Believe in yourselves, ignore the a$$holes and find your support crew!
SchadenFreudian Psychology 2 months ago
Yes, it’s (for now, anyway) better than it used to be. That doesn’t mean it can’t be better. Civilized countries have universal healthcare, free or low-cost education, parental leave, and good daycare. And in the U.S., Republicans are trying to take women’s rights backwards 100 years. Don’t get complacent.
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Earonn - 2 months ago
For me it's that I will always be 'punished' for being a woman. Did an apprenticeship, was 3rd best in my year (out of 90), but didn't get a job because "We don't employ women" (yeah, that was before mobile phones). Had to get a call centre job just to earn money at all. This is money I will always miss - money to spend, but also money that isn't paid into my pension. Same with promotions that men got for either doing the same as me or even for the work I did. Again: money I'm missing. And so on and so on. //// That I will never be safe from being ra/ped. Not at 89, not in hospital, not even when I'm dead ////// That we can get gang ra/ped as children, but if we develop and eating order because of that, 10 years later people will chastise us for "being so fat" and "a strain on the health care system".
SillyPandaBunny 2 months ago
That you will sacrifice so much for your child but they will only ever remember the negatives, like when you were exhausted and snapped at them or when you had to parent them and that meant saying no.
Earonn - 2 months ago
Did you apologise? Did you explain? Not accusing you, but I would have kept contact with my mother despite the actual neglect, if only she had said something like "I was depressed, I'm so sorry now". She never felt the need to explain or apologise, and that's why I cut that person out of my life.
Load More Replies... Mel in Georgia 2 months ago
Am I naive? Protected? Lucky? I've experienced my share of terrible men in my 60+ years but also know that most have been pretty awesome. I'm glad to have been born in a time when women, despite having to work harder and smarter, have had the opportunity to succeed in careers. It wasn't always the case. Believe in yourselves, ignore the a$$holes and find your support crew!
SchadenFreudian Psychology 2 months ago
Yes, it’s (for now, anyway) better than it used to be. That doesn’t mean it can’t be better. Civilized countries have universal healthcare, free or low-cost education, parental leave, and good daycare. And in the U.S., Republicans are trying to take women’s rights backwards 100 years. Don’t get complacent.
Load More Replies... Earonn - 2 months ago
For me it's that I will always be 'punished' for being a woman. Did an apprenticeship, was 3rd best in my year (out of 90), but didn't get a job because "We don't employ women" (yeah, that was before mobile phones). Had to get a call centre job just to earn money at all. This is money I will always miss - money to spend, but also money that isn't paid into my pension. Same with promotions that men got for either doing the same as me or even for the work I did. Again: money I'm missing. And so on and so on. //// That I will never be safe from being ra/ped. Not at 89, not in hospital, not even when I'm dead ////// That we can get gang ra/ped as children, but if we develop and eating order because of that, 10 years later people will chastise us for "being so fat" and "a strain on the health care system".
SillyPandaBunny 2 months ago
That you will sacrifice so much for your child but they will only ever remember the negatives, like when you were exhausted and snapped at them or when you had to parent them and that meant saying no.
Earonn - 2 months ago
Did you apologise? Did you explain? Not accusing you, but I would have kept contact with my mother despite the actual neglect, if only she had said something like "I was depressed, I'm so sorry now". She never felt the need to explain or apologise, and that's why I cut that person out of my life.
Load More Replies...
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