Divorce and blending a family come with a whole slew of awkwardness. It’s a messy and sometimes misunderstood dynamic to those not living it. Some people are kind, some are awful, and some are intrusive — both purposely and obliviously. I’m a big girl and can handle it. I’ve been enduring it for years. What I won’t stand for, however, is when someone makes my kids feel like sh*t about any part of this dynamic. People, both ones we know and ones we don’t, try to qualify my kids’ relationship, and it happens more than you can imagine.
You see, after my divorce, I remarried and added another little girl to our crew. While I share custody of my older daughter with my first husband — her dad — my girls are close and adore each other as if they were together every day. My firstborn could not be more gracious, maternal, and loving. Their eight-year age gap left me with questions and concerns, but that was my own insecurities and neuroses. They are the best kind of sisters. The older one is the protector and the little one is her shadow.
They are madly in love and I’m equally in love with them and their relationship. However, there are people out there who feel it’s necessary to remind my older child that this baby is her “half-sister.” While that term might be scientifically accurate, it couldn’t be more of a misrepresentation of their bond. It feels dismissive.
Every time the words “half-sister” roll off someone’s tongue as casually as if they’re placing their morning coffee order, my older daughter gets upset. She asks me why people keep saying that and what it means for them, and she looks for cues on how she’s supposed to feel about her sister. It’s upsetting, infuriating, and frankly, mean. Why does anyone have to rain on her parade and point out something so meaningless that only makes her question their connection?
We don’t use the term “half-sister” because these girls are not half anything. They’re whole sisters who love each other with their whole hearts. They play, bicker, and show affection like sisters.
Sure, they don’t have the same father, but that has zero bearing on their bond. That fact was also out of their control. They took to the role of sisters so naturally and lovingly, so why can’t everyone else be accepting and follow suit?
My girls are sisters. Period. They don’t need people constantly pointing out the intricacies of their genetic makeup. Mothers like me work hard every day to facilitate healthy, strong relationships within their families. So when others try to undermine that, they’re belittling the circumstances under which my kids came into this world. So please, think twice before you say something about someone else’s dynamic, because at the end of the day, we’re a regular family — just like you.
Editor’s note: Rachel Sobel runs a blog called Whine & Cheez, and you can visit it at whineandcheezits.com, Facebook or Instagram
Some people who aren’t blood related or are related at a non sibling level have stronger bonds than many siblings but don’t get defensive if people refer to them as friends or cousins or whatever. This sounds more like projection of insecurity of the parents more than anything else. Half siblings infers nothing about the closeness of the relationship
I would share your opinion, but my brother (step brother) does not take it well since he was little. He does know that we have different mothers etc. We are 15 years apart and never lived together, but when somebody calls me his step sister, he used to get upset. Now he explains first and gets upset if they insist on repeating it. He thinks it is up to us whether we want to say "step" or not. He sais (even takes the time to explain to teachers etc.) that we are very close and he does not want them to say it. I have never asked him to do that, but I do respect his wish. I think that if the children understand the structure of their family, there is no need for anyone to push the "step" on them if it makes them uncomfortable...
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Being half-sisters means they have different fathers. That's all it means. If you tell your daughters anything different - that it's in any way disparaging - it isn't other people who are damaging your daughters' relationship.
Some children don't take it well when people say it. My little brother really hates it. Our family is complicated and his mom used to hate me (block my number in his phone, delete emails, sabotage meetings). He used to cry and refuse to let go of me, scared we would not meet again a few years ago. Just the memory still breaks my heart. Now when he is a bit older, if somebody (teacher, friend etc.) calls me his step/half sister, it brings back the past separation. He politely asks them not to repeat it because he does not like it, and if they insist he gets upset. All I want to say is that sure, technically it is just a fact, but for some, it can be hurtful. I think if the child is told the truth by their family when they can understand it, there is no point for other people to push the term on them. As my brother sais, if you know it, it should be your choice what you call your sibling in a normal conversation.
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Dear Snowflake, I'm sorry you're offended by reality. It's a shame YOU think there's something wrong with half-siblings. I love my half-siblings, probably get along with them BETTER than they get along with each other as full siblings. half-sibling is NOT in any way a bad word, it's a technical and meaningful description. I don't call my sisters "half-sisters" day to day, but that's what they are and it's not like it's a topic that comes up often in the first place.
To me it's the mother here who has the issue as she is the one making a big deal out of nothing. So what if people call them half-sisters? It's what they are, but it has no bearing on their relationship. Going out of your way to make a big deal about it just teaches the child that the term has negative connotations that must be overcome. Other people did not teach your child that, you did. I have a half-sister who I've never thought of as anything but a sister because we weren't taught that it meant anything different aside from the fact that we had different fathers (hers sadly, not being part of her life).
Come on, woman! Grow up! The girls are half sisters. Period. They can feel all the love in the world, regardless the term you use to define the relationship. It's YOU who has a problem with the word, and stereotypes, and prejudices. It's you, not your daughter, who can't take it. Even if one or both girls were adopted, and they didn't have any biological connection, they could feel the same deep love for each other. Love just happens, and it's not defined by a simple word. Anyway, the girls love each other, why do you worry so much about other people's opinions? Grow up!
Maybe you should teach your daughter that names are not as important as feelings? Because it seems to me it's you who's making a problem out of it and people using an actually accurate term are probably not trying to harm anyone. Stop over reading
So they have different different fathers? Having only one biological parent in common is the exact definition of "half" brother or sister. You can't just magically make change that because you want to.
Not sure how the word different got in there twice, but BP won't let me edit my comment.
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I think a lot of the negativity that this woman is feeling is her own perception. I have a half brother that I did not know was a half brother until I was an adult. I still love him as much as I did before I knew. Television and movies portray half-siblings and step-parents as a negative thing. "Your sister..." "She's not my real sister..she's only my step-sister!!' Personally, I think this woman needs to stop reading stuff into it and explain to her kid that there is nothing negative about having a half-sister and that these people mean no ill will. Now if someone says "She's not her sister..she's just a half-sister." Then I'd have a problem with it because they are making assumptions about the relationship between these siblings without even knowing them.
By definition, she’s her half sister. I have a half sister and a half brother. So what? You can’t change the definition of the scenario just because you don’t like the way it sounds. Just teach her that it doesn’t mean anything and to love the same. Stop demanding society adjusts to fix something that doesn’t need fixing. Fix your understanding.
There’s sister by blood, and then sister by love. I have friends that I consider sisters who have no relation to me in any way; they’re simply friends. It’s a bond. This girl shouldn’t feel as though she has to view her sibling any less.
How about just explaning that technical releation bonds are important to people, when they try to understand how families are connected, and that the term carries no value. Only a technical definition. Myself, I have two doughters that carry not a single of my genes, since I'm only married to their mother. They know this, and find no reason to doubt neither my fatherly love for them no matter any term you choose to describe the connections, nor the love of their two brothers, with whom they also don't share genes.
Tell her she is a half sister and more than half a mother :-) Elder sisters are hands on moms anyway!
Wouldn't bother me, but I always present my children's older sister as my daughter (I helped raise her since she 10 months old and she's now 17) and their sister ... no half or step unless people ask about the parentage ... otherwise, need to know ... my family does the same ... sister, father, brother, daughter ...
I have 2 step brothers that came with my step dad. One older and a younger one. When people asked about them or me. We'll said that they are my step brothers or i was their step sister. Never felt the differences. Because my parents never make any differences to how treating us. Telling people that they're my step brothers never bothered me one bit. Because it is true.. I never worried about label when my brothers clearly looknput for me like I'm their real sister and i look out theirs. It kind of made me proud that "hell yeah we are step siblings but we clearly love each other even if our relationship wasn't tied by blood."
My sibs are both adopted. My grandmother, members of my father's family and others were constantly yammering about how they weren't "real", saying ugly things to my mother like, "It's not like they're your REAL kids". ..///... My sibs had to grow up listening to that garbage. Having someone who's supposed to be your family constantly referring to you as "that little bastard" is a hideous experience that had its impact on me as well. ...///... My mother always said, "Those are MY KIDS. If you have a problem with that, you are not welcome in my home." ...///... I can definitely see where the LW is coming from. Her children are sisters. Period, end of discussion.
While technically correct ... who are these a******s who confront little kids with these technicalities??
After 4 years of daily reading of boredpanda stories, I finally registered just to comment that my mum married a guy who already had two grown kids. They are 10 and 15 years older than me. BUT I still call them brother and sister and it never crossed my mind that they should be anything less :) They live in a different country and we see each other once a year when they come to visit. But I love them with all of my heart and they will never be anything less than my siblings <3
You should bot be ofended by a name, but by theyr relationship. A name is a name, but the attachment, love and relationship is what matters. Just teach her that names doesnt mean s**t, what means is their love forneach other
I half-love you. This lady made a good point but she doesn´t have to take whatever ppl say that personal. They love each otherand that´s the important thing here.
Calling them half sisters doesn’t diminish their bond until you force that mentality on your daughter, lady. That’s on you. Don’t confuse these kids on who their dads are.
How hard is it to explain that when people say "half" the means how much "blood" you share, it doesn't measure your love (I don't know how old she is and even if I did I don't know anything about children and I don't know how much she knows, put my point still stands).
If someone using a different term causes you to question the strength and nature of your familial relationships; they must be very weak and tenuous.
I agree. People have no way of knowing that she would rather they call her children sisters - she shouldn’t freak out when this happens, just politely inform them of her views.
We don't say it at all in our family. If we grew up together or not, we consider ourselves brother and sister. There is no half or partial, just brother and sister.
I got my step brother and step sister later on in life and I love them both as if they were blood. My step dad has always been the father figure in my life (even after my mom and him divorced) BUT they are not my blood relatives and that has absolutely no bearing on how I feel about them or how they feel about me. Just because the title is different that doesn't change how we feel about each other. I'm sure these strangers aren't being rude or vengeful or whatever they are just trying to understand the intricacies of your family and that's ok.
Your girls are adorable together! I have just one sister and since we were teens we barely talk. She could be my non-sister for all I see of her. Makes me sad. Who cares if it's a half, step, adopted or whatever sister, Love is Love and let that be what family really means!
When you're a kid, even the smallest thing can make you feel like an outsider, or like you don't belong, and kids will change their behaviour to 'fit in' with perceived expectations. It's called peer pressure, and if you think back to primary school, you'll probrably remember how strong an influence it can be. Kudos to the mum for nurturing her daughters' bond. I'd teach the older daughter to answer back, "Biologically, we only share half as much genetic material, but I love her with my whole heart, and that makes us whole sisters."
If they don’t have the same dad, science says they are not fullly related, only half
It's healthy for children and all extended family members to acknowledge the biological facts of blended relationships, while also embracing the psychological truth that all types of families and all types of relationships can be equally cherished. However, we don't need to add labels like "half" and "step" every time we refer to our loved ones, because that can make it seem like the designation has too much significance. Maybe we should invent some new, and more appealing words to describe extended family relationships. Extended families are here to stay.
This is such a non-story. Tell your girl, it's just the scientific term. Sort out your parenting; you're raising a snowflake who cries over a word. Kids are not stupid so tell her the truth - it's just a word that describes the genetics between them. She doesn't deserve your anxieties being pushed on her.
I love my half siblings as much as I do my sibling whom I grew up with for the first 13 years. Our bonds are all different, because of the amounts of time we have spent together. But I love them with my whole heart. Recognizing them as half siblings in no way limits my love for them. I don’t feel bad about the terms and since people will continue to use them, maybe you can help your daughter make peice with it. But also all families are unique and no one can limit yours with words, carelessly or even with malintent.
My late grandma was stepmother to my older uncle whose birth mother passed away shortly after his birth. She and the rest of the extended family decided that she should raise him as her own for his benefits. And she did. She loved him and raised him just like she did with a boy and a girl she later gave birth to. Grandma told him before he got married, and uncle was very grateful for everything she did for him. During the last 3-4 years before grandma passed away, he visited her almost everyday. He didn't have to, because she was in a coma already. This was way before social media days. Lengthy post, not to justify what the OP said, but to encourage people to try to see things from different sides. Perhaps the OP genuinely believes that is the best for her daughters.
My daughter is adopted and it is very important to her how she is related to her various siblings, half- and full-, so this is a typical example of how one size does not fit all.
My personal opinion, this woman is a bit nuts. It's not mean, it's saying exactly what it is. I have 6 half brothers, I never got upset when someone asked or said so. She needs to grow some thicker skin. Disappointed in BP posting such a stupid womans thoughts.
I felt the same about people reminding me for no reason that my brother is my half-brother. Always with a smug, superior attitude. Worse even when people say “step-brother“ because they are too stupid to know the difference.
I am the youngest of a blended family. My big sister is a daughter of a different dad. She is 11 years my senior. I am closer to her than Anyone else on earth. I Love her so very much and she has been there for me and other siblings all our lives. She has stood up for me in good times and bad. She has loved me thru the unlovable times and the best of times. She didn't choose her parents nor did I but we are stuck together with an inseparable bond. She is the only person who has loved me and I her unconditionally!
On the 4th picture, they have the same eyes! I don't care if they're half, quarter or 10th sisters: They're sisters!
Women like this want to impose there warped sence of reality on there lives to deal with the guilt it causes them, and shift blame off herself about the break up with the daughters dad. Reality is too icky too deal with for them. She is obviously triggerged. Im guessing she is also the type to alienate the father from the daughter too. This is life deal with it you probley sabotaged the relationship because of your hypergammy and reciving childsupport too. Obviouly your guity for ripping that older daughter away from the father i can see you upgraded your husband who buys you everything. Your husband is a simp for accepting a single mother truth is i was there once too and i can tell you the simp husband wont love your daughter and by the end of it you will probley accuse him of raping the older daughter to if he had any brains he would run for the hills. But one day he will learn. this this is hypergammy to the max goodluck with dealing with guilt for the rest of your life
I agree totally- it crushes the children. And I think the word half-brother/sister makes the child seem as if they are less important. All 4 of my children and 2 step children feel the same. I get not everyone will agree xx
Translation: Please stop telling my daughter the truth of her biology. I want her to grow up ridiculously sensitive and ignorant. Signed: An idiot mother.
I've always considered myself the eldest of 4, even though I also have a half sister. It's not that I discount her as a sibling, but my son was 5 when she was born. We didn't grow up together & quite frankly, even though we lived together for a year in my Dad's house 6 years ago, really don't know each other very well. We basically have nothing but DNA in common. I feel much closer to her mother, whom I have considered a dear friend for over 40 years. (She was the epitome of what a step-parent SHOULD be: kind & accepting, while never trying to actually replace your parent, but while still creating boundaries within HER home). I got lucky - even though my Dad passed away 4+ years ago, we still try to get together at least every other week or so.
Here in many parts of Asia we have just 1% Divorce + another 1% where a spouse will marry another person with grown up kids. So this STEP thing in the family is pretty rare. Then 80% of the time in the Western world STEP Daughters become sexual victims of their STEP Fathers due to an "open" and "loose" cultural ethos. So this STEP thing is bound to surface when the children have grown up. It is best for Parents to condition their children instead of turning a blind eye. Promote love, affection and bonding between the kids by making sure they get equal opportunities and an equal share of everything.
When someone is introduced to me as a sister, it is not socially correct or clinically necessary for me to correct that person and say "no, you mean half sister." That is what is happening here in this post. The girls are being introduced to others as sisters, which is the absolute right of the family to say, and others are interjecting their own biases and prejudices into the conversation by insisting on saying "half sister". Having worked with thousands of students, coming from a wide variety of families, I have observed that the trend is that the more integrated and interactive a family is, the less likely they are to refer to the children as "half siblings". If a parent has a child that you rarely see, or if you feel like you are not part of the fully functioning family when you are together, you are more likely to refer to a sibling as a "half sibling".
There is nothing wrong with being a half-sibling or a step-sibling. Families are weird and varied.
My sister and I are technically 'half-sisters', but we grew up together, fought over toys, clothes, ect, the same way any other sibling would. From our standpoint, we are siblings- and referring us with that zoomed in scope is needlessly specific. I can understand using such terms with family members you aren't close to and want to immediately establish the connection. So it's not all black and white for the situation.
I guess I wonder if the writer feels the same way about any siblings she has from her father... are they are "full' siblings as well. Does she respect that bond as well? While I agree the term "half-siblings" is pointless.. a sibling is a sibling... I always take this type of rant with a grain of salt, because I know SO many people who are hypocrites and this type of thing only relates to THEIR family. The fathers side of the family doesn't matter... it pisses me off.
I have 2 daughters - a 17 year old and a 2 year old. Without fail, whenever people hear this, the first comment is always - "oh... you remarried?" or my eldest daughter gets "do you have the same mum? Or the same dad?" Ummm, both! It just took us 15 years to have the second lol
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The only time I use half anything to describe a relative is with my half cousins. They're my mom's half sister's (on their mother's side) half sister's (on their father's side) kids. The only reason I say this is so I can be like we're not really related. Also because it would be weird because my Aunt and their mom ships us together (not going to happen). But still, family is family, despite the technical term, and honestly no one in the real world cares about the technical term.
Also, all these panda people saying this mom is too sensitive and that it's the technically correct term to use and labels don't matter, she shouldn't be offended...please then tell me why I have to refer to a trans person as a sex they biologically are not. No matter what they choose or how they change their body they will never be the opposite sex, this is a FACT. I find this hilariously ironic post for people who are touting the "truth" of the biology of the situation. Hypocrites.
Its really weird that people want to remind a little girl that her sister is a "half-sister". Whats the point of this? My sister has six kids, three adopted and three biological, wtf would be the intention of telling my biological nephews/nieces that their siblings are "adopted sisters/brothers". Technically its true, but why is the distinction so important to someone who isn't a part of the relationship? Its completely weird to me that a person would use that term when referring to someone else's family. Would you draw the same distinction from a step-parent? "Oh no Sally, he's not your dad, he's your step-dad". Mind your own business, its not your place to define other people's family relationships
Big family is wonderful - if it works. If not, it's a hughe burden. I do have 3 half sisters and brothers. For me it was difficult and it always will be. Friends are closer to me than my siblings. People act and find words on base of their own experience, i don't think they want to irritade your little girls. If your concept of living works: well done - take care about for the future!
My girls are 13 years apart and we never got caught up on terminology. Baby sister Kate wanted her big sister (Amy) in delivery room with her when my grandson was born. The love and bonding has lasted a lifetime. Kate is now 36 with one more added to the mix(Molly) and her sister Amy is 49. I have a 24 yr. old grandson ( Curt, my first grand baby and Amy's only child) a 6 year old Henry, family delivered, and 3 year old Molly ( born in Colorado). They remain a close and while they live in different States now, the bond is unbroken. Having them all together on holidays and visits is our best gift ever. I was divorced and then widowed but my girls have always had each other.
Each to their own, I suppose. My family is my family. Half does not come into it. They are simply my bros or sis.
I personally think that it is just a "technical term", but my little brother hates it. Me and my brother are about 15 years apart and have never lived together, but we do have a really strong bond. Once I was picking him up from primary school (you call and wait outside - security) when my brother came striding. "The teacher said that you are my step sister!" he said straight away. (he knows the situation - he figured it out on his own, I was forbidden to tell him we are family, dad indroduced me as a "friend". He knew immediately (4yo) that we are siblings, at 5 he confronted dad about it, but that is another story.) So I just stared back. "I told her, Mrs teacher, Annie is my dear friend, My sister, no step, my own sister, I know you did not know, but do not say it again." He gleamed. "I will not let anyone say you are not my sister!" He hugged me, I cried. Few years ago I thought he would never even call me family...
SO. MUCH. THIS. My sister is my sister, period. When people sit there and pry and insist on saying "half sister" even though WE don't, it's incredibly offensive.
I've never liked the "half" term sibling because it seems like you're calling them less than a sibling. They're my brothers and sisters. There is no half as far as I'm concerned.
In the most literal way, it doesn't matter what you are "concerned" about. A half sibling is a half sibling. It's up to YOU to take away from that what you will, but facts are not concerned with your feelings. I don't mean that in a harsh way at all, I'm just stating a reality. They're half sisters. Doesn't mean their bond isn't just as strong, it just means, well...... they're literally half sisters.
Load More Replies... Well, I think you need to distinguish technical and legal terms from colloquial usage. Someone who adopts a child will be a stepfather technically, although he may well become the best father in the world. I think we should get rid of that strict notion of a genetical line. Why do people for example ask a couple with a child of different skin colour behind the back if they were not "successfull naturally"? Raising children, and also being sibling, is about love, not biology.
Seems to me like you're one of the minority who got the point right here, and for this I send you my compliments. Not to offend anyone else with their points and explanations, but at 8 year old, I think the elder sister is big enough to know these things. It's the attitude of other people needing to constantly correct her and remind her that they don't have the same father that's the real problem here. As if divorce itself wasn't tough for the daughter (probably so, kids always get affected somehow, although it seems these ladies are getting a happy life now), now the girl will have to face "you mean, your HALF-sister", instead of "awwww! Look at you how cute! What a love! ♥". It's all about the attitude and the psychological effect it has on the kids, really.
Load More Replies... The only reason she doesn't know the technical terms and how to feel about them is because her mother is not taking the time to explain it to her. Mom sounds like she's more embarrassed by the situation than she's worried about helping her child understand that what people say does not make any difference in her relationship with her sister. The only way people would see calling her sister a half-sister as negative is people that watch too much tv and gather stereotypes from story lines in which petty people hate their families. Just like old fairy tales portrayed step-mothers as being evil......
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Your therapist called, TJ, you missed your appointment.
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Some people who aren’t blood related or are related at a non sibling level have stronger bonds than many siblings but don’t get defensive if people refer to them as friends or cousins or whatever. This sounds more like projection of insecurity of the parents more than anything else. Half siblings infers nothing about the closeness of the relationship
I would share your opinion, but my brother (step brother) does not take it well since he was little. He does know that we have different mothers etc. We are 15 years apart and never lived together, but when somebody calls me his step sister, he used to get upset. Now he explains first and gets upset if they insist on repeating it. He thinks it is up to us whether we want to say "step" or not. He sais (even takes the time to explain to teachers etc.) that we are very close and he does not want them to say it. I have never asked him to do that, but I do respect his wish. I think that if the children understand the structure of their family, there is no need for anyone to push the "step" on them if it makes them uncomfortable...
Load More Replies... Being half-sisters means they have different fathers. That's all it means. If you tell your daughters anything different - that it's in any way disparaging - it isn't other people who are damaging your daughters' relationship.
Some children don't take it well when people say it. My little brother really hates it. Our family is complicated and his mom used to hate me (block my number in his phone, delete emails, sabotage meetings). He used to cry and refuse to let go of me, scared we would not meet again a few years ago. Just the memory still breaks my heart. Now when he is a bit older, if somebody (teacher, friend etc.) calls me his step/half sister, it brings back the past separation. He politely asks them not to repeat it because he does not like it, and if they insist he gets upset. All I want to say is that sure, technically it is just a fact, but for some, it can be hurtful. I think if the child is told the truth by their family when they can understand it, there is no point for other people to push the term on them. As my brother sais, if you know it, it should be your choice what you call your sibling in a normal conversation.
Load More Replies... Dear Snowflake, I'm sorry you're offended by reality. It's a shame YOU think there's something wrong with half-siblings. I love my half-siblings, probably get along with them BETTER than they get along with each other as full siblings. half-sibling is NOT in any way a bad word, it's a technical and meaningful description. I don't call my sisters "half-sisters" day to day, but that's what they are and it's not like it's a topic that comes up often in the first place.
To me it's the mother here who has the issue as she is the one making a big deal out of nothing. So what if people call them half-sisters? It's what they are, but it has no bearing on their relationship. Going out of your way to make a big deal about it just teaches the child that the term has negative connotations that must be overcome. Other people did not teach your child that, you did. I have a half-sister who I've never thought of as anything but a sister because we weren't taught that it meant anything different aside from the fact that we had different fathers (hers sadly, not being part of her life).
Come on, woman! Grow up! The girls are half sisters. Period. They can feel all the love in the world, regardless the term you use to define the relationship. It's YOU who has a problem with the word, and stereotypes, and prejudices. It's you, not your daughter, who can't take it. Even if one or both girls were adopted, and they didn't have any biological connection, they could feel the same deep love for each other. Love just happens, and it's not defined by a simple word. Anyway, the girls love each other, why do you worry so much about other people's opinions? Grow up!
Maybe you should teach your daughter that names are not as important as feelings? Because it seems to me it's you who's making a problem out of it and people using an actually accurate term are probably not trying to harm anyone. Stop over reading
So they have different different fathers? Having only one biological parent in common is the exact definition of "half" brother or sister. You can't just magically make change that because you want to.
Not sure how the word different got in there twice, but BP won't let me edit my comment.
Load More Replies... I think a lot of the negativity that this woman is feeling is her own perception. I have a half brother that I did not know was a half brother until I was an adult. I still love him as much as I did before I knew. Television and movies portray half-siblings and step-parents as a negative thing. "Your sister..." "She's not my real sister..she's only my step-sister!!' Personally, I think this woman needs to stop reading stuff into it and explain to her kid that there is nothing negative about having a half-sister and that these people mean no ill will. Now if someone says "She's not her sister..she's just a half-sister." Then I'd have a problem with it because they are making assumptions about the relationship between these siblings without even knowing them.
By definition, she’s her half sister. I have a half sister and a half brother. So what? You can’t change the definition of the scenario just because you don’t like the way it sounds. Just teach her that it doesn’t mean anything and to love the same. Stop demanding society adjusts to fix something that doesn’t need fixing. Fix your understanding.
There’s sister by blood, and then sister by love. I have friends that I consider sisters who have no relation to me in any way; they’re simply friends. It’s a bond. This girl shouldn’t feel as though she has to view her sibling any less.
How about just explaning that technical releation bonds are important to people, when they try to understand how families are connected, and that the term carries no value. Only a technical definition. Myself, I have two doughters that carry not a single of my genes, since I'm only married to their mother. They know this, and find no reason to doubt neither my fatherly love for them no matter any term you choose to describe the connections, nor the love of their two brothers, with whom they also don't share genes.
Tell her she is a half sister and more than half a mother :-) Elder sisters are hands on moms anyway!
Wouldn't bother me, but I always present my children's older sister as my daughter (I helped raise her since she 10 months old and she's now 17) and their sister ... no half or step unless people ask about the parentage ... otherwise, need to know ... my family does the same ... sister, father, brother, daughter ...
I have 2 step brothers that came with my step dad. One older and a younger one. When people asked about them or me. We'll said that they are my step brothers or i was their step sister. Never felt the differences. Because my parents never make any differences to how treating us. Telling people that they're my step brothers never bothered me one bit. Because it is true.. I never worried about label when my brothers clearly looknput for me like I'm their real sister and i look out theirs. It kind of made me proud that "hell yeah we are step siblings but we clearly love each other even if our relationship wasn't tied by blood."
My sibs are both adopted. My grandmother, members of my father's family and others were constantly yammering about how they weren't "real", saying ugly things to my mother like, "It's not like they're your REAL kids". ..///... My sibs had to grow up listening to that garbage. Having someone who's supposed to be your family constantly referring to you as "that little bastard" is a hideous experience that had its impact on me as well. ...///... My mother always said, "Those are MY KIDS. If you have a problem with that, you are not welcome in my home." ...///... I can definitely see where the LW is coming from. Her children are sisters. Period, end of discussion.
While technically correct ... who are these a******s who confront little kids with these technicalities??
After 4 years of daily reading of boredpanda stories, I finally registered just to comment that my mum married a guy who already had two grown kids. They are 10 and 15 years older than me. BUT I still call them brother and sister and it never crossed my mind that they should be anything less :) They live in a different country and we see each other once a year when they come to visit. But I love them with all of my heart and they will never be anything less than my siblings <3
You should bot be ofended by a name, but by theyr relationship. A name is a name, but the attachment, love and relationship is what matters. Just teach her that names doesnt mean s**t, what means is their love forneach other
I half-love you. This lady made a good point but she doesn´t have to take whatever ppl say that personal. They love each otherand that´s the important thing here.
Calling them half sisters doesn’t diminish their bond until you force that mentality on your daughter, lady. That’s on you. Don’t confuse these kids on who their dads are.
How hard is it to explain that when people say "half" the means how much "blood" you share, it doesn't measure your love (I don't know how old she is and even if I did I don't know anything about children and I don't know how much she knows, put my point still stands).
If someone using a different term causes you to question the strength and nature of your familial relationships; they must be very weak and tenuous.
I agree. People have no way of knowing that she would rather they call her children sisters - she shouldn’t freak out when this happens, just politely inform them of her views.
We don't say it at all in our family. If we grew up together or not, we consider ourselves brother and sister. There is no half or partial, just brother and sister.
I got my step brother and step sister later on in life and I love them both as if they were blood. My step dad has always been the father figure in my life (even after my mom and him divorced) BUT they are not my blood relatives and that has absolutely no bearing on how I feel about them or how they feel about me. Just because the title is different that doesn't change how we feel about each other. I'm sure these strangers aren't being rude or vengeful or whatever they are just trying to understand the intricacies of your family and that's ok.
Your girls are adorable together! I have just one sister and since we were teens we barely talk. She could be my non-sister for all I see of her. Makes me sad. Who cares if it's a half, step, adopted or whatever sister, Love is Love and let that be what family really means!
When you're a kid, even the smallest thing can make you feel like an outsider, or like you don't belong, and kids will change their behaviour to 'fit in' with perceived expectations. It's called peer pressure, and if you think back to primary school, you'll probrably remember how strong an influence it can be. Kudos to the mum for nurturing her daughters' bond. I'd teach the older daughter to answer back, "Biologically, we only share half as much genetic material, but I love her with my whole heart, and that makes us whole sisters."
If they don’t have the same dad, science says they are not fullly related, only half
It's healthy for children and all extended family members to acknowledge the biological facts of blended relationships, while also embracing the psychological truth that all types of families and all types of relationships can be equally cherished. However, we don't need to add labels like "half" and "step" every time we refer to our loved ones, because that can make it seem like the designation has too much significance. Maybe we should invent some new, and more appealing words to describe extended family relationships. Extended families are here to stay.
This is such a non-story. Tell your girl, it's just the scientific term. Sort out your parenting; you're raising a snowflake who cries over a word. Kids are not stupid so tell her the truth - it's just a word that describes the genetics between them. She doesn't deserve your anxieties being pushed on her.
I love my half siblings as much as I do my sibling whom I grew up with for the first 13 years. Our bonds are all different, because of the amounts of time we have spent together. But I love them with my whole heart. Recognizing them as half siblings in no way limits my love for them. I don’t feel bad about the terms and since people will continue to use them, maybe you can help your daughter make peice with it. But also all families are unique and no one can limit yours with words, carelessly or even with malintent.
My late grandma was stepmother to my older uncle whose birth mother passed away shortly after his birth. She and the rest of the extended family decided that she should raise him as her own for his benefits. And she did. She loved him and raised him just like she did with a boy and a girl she later gave birth to. Grandma told him before he got married, and uncle was very grateful for everything she did for him. During the last 3-4 years before grandma passed away, he visited her almost everyday. He didn't have to, because she was in a coma already. This was way before social media days. Lengthy post, not to justify what the OP said, but to encourage people to try to see things from different sides. Perhaps the OP genuinely believes that is the best for her daughters.
My daughter is adopted and it is very important to her how she is related to her various siblings, half- and full-, so this is a typical example of how one size does not fit all.
My personal opinion, this woman is a bit nuts. It's not mean, it's saying exactly what it is. I have 6 half brothers, I never got upset when someone asked or said so. She needs to grow some thicker skin. Disappointed in BP posting such a stupid womans thoughts.
I felt the same about people reminding me for no reason that my brother is my half-brother. Always with a smug, superior attitude. Worse even when people say “step-brother“ because they are too stupid to know the difference.
I am the youngest of a blended family. My big sister is a daughter of a different dad. She is 11 years my senior. I am closer to her than Anyone else on earth. I Love her so very much and she has been there for me and other siblings all our lives. She has stood up for me in good times and bad. She has loved me thru the unlovable times and the best of times. She didn't choose her parents nor did I but we are stuck together with an inseparable bond. She is the only person who has loved me and I her unconditionally!
On the 4th picture, they have the same eyes! I don't care if they're half, quarter or 10th sisters: They're sisters!
Women like this want to impose there warped sence of reality on there lives to deal with the guilt it causes them, and shift blame off herself about the break up with the daughters dad. Reality is too icky too deal with for them. She is obviously triggerged. Im guessing she is also the type to alienate the father from the daughter too. This is life deal with it you probley sabotaged the relationship because of your hypergammy and reciving childsupport too. Obviouly your guity for ripping that older daughter away from the father i can see you upgraded your husband who buys you everything. Your husband is a simp for accepting a single mother truth is i was there once too and i can tell you the simp husband wont love your daughter and by the end of it you will probley accuse him of raping the older daughter to if he had any brains he would run for the hills. But one day he will learn. this this is hypergammy to the max goodluck with dealing with guilt for the rest of your life
I agree totally- it crushes the children. And I think the word half-brother/sister makes the child seem as if they are less important. All 4 of my children and 2 step children feel the same. I get not everyone will agree xx
Translation: Please stop telling my daughter the truth of her biology. I want her to grow up ridiculously sensitive and ignorant. Signed: An idiot mother.
I've always considered myself the eldest of 4, even though I also have a half sister. It's not that I discount her as a sibling, but my son was 5 when she was born. We didn't grow up together & quite frankly, even though we lived together for a year in my Dad's house 6 years ago, really don't know each other very well. We basically have nothing but DNA in common. I feel much closer to her mother, whom I have considered a dear friend for over 40 years. (She was the epitome of what a step-parent SHOULD be: kind & accepting, while never trying to actually replace your parent, but while still creating boundaries within HER home). I got lucky - even though my Dad passed away 4+ years ago, we still try to get together at least every other week or so.
Here in many parts of Asia we have just 1% Divorce + another 1% where a spouse will marry another person with grown up kids. So this STEP thing in the family is pretty rare. Then 80% of the time in the Western world STEP Daughters become sexual victims of their STEP Fathers due to an "open" and "loose" cultural ethos. So this STEP thing is bound to surface when the children have grown up. It is best for Parents to condition their children instead of turning a blind eye. Promote love, affection and bonding between the kids by making sure they get equal opportunities and an equal share of everything.
When someone is introduced to me as a sister, it is not socially correct or clinically necessary for me to correct that person and say "no, you mean half sister." That is what is happening here in this post. The girls are being introduced to others as sisters, which is the absolute right of the family to say, and others are interjecting their own biases and prejudices into the conversation by insisting on saying "half sister". Having worked with thousands of students, coming from a wide variety of families, I have observed that the trend is that the more integrated and interactive a family is, the less likely they are to refer to the children as "half siblings". If a parent has a child that you rarely see, or if you feel like you are not part of the fully functioning family when you are together, you are more likely to refer to a sibling as a "half sibling".
There is nothing wrong with being a half-sibling or a step-sibling. Families are weird and varied.
My sister and I are technically 'half-sisters', but we grew up together, fought over toys, clothes, ect, the same way any other sibling would. From our standpoint, we are siblings- and referring us with that zoomed in scope is needlessly specific. I can understand using such terms with family members you aren't close to and want to immediately establish the connection. So it's not all black and white for the situation.
I guess I wonder if the writer feels the same way about any siblings she has from her father... are they are "full' siblings as well. Does she respect that bond as well? While I agree the term "half-siblings" is pointless.. a sibling is a sibling... I always take this type of rant with a grain of salt, because I know SO many people who are hypocrites and this type of thing only relates to THEIR family. The fathers side of the family doesn't matter... it pisses me off.
I have 2 daughters - a 17 year old and a 2 year old. Without fail, whenever people hear this, the first comment is always - "oh... you remarried?" or my eldest daughter gets "do you have the same mum? Or the same dad?" Ummm, both! It just took us 15 years to have the second lol
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The only time I use half anything to describe a relative is with my half cousins. They're my mom's half sister's (on their mother's side) half sister's (on their father's side) kids. The only reason I say this is so I can be like we're not really related. Also because it would be weird because my Aunt and their mom ships us together (not going to happen). But still, family is family, despite the technical term, and honestly no one in the real world cares about the technical term.
Also, all these panda people saying this mom is too sensitive and that it's the technically correct term to use and labels don't matter, she shouldn't be offended...please then tell me why I have to refer to a trans person as a sex they biologically are not. No matter what they choose or how they change their body they will never be the opposite sex, this is a FACT. I find this hilariously ironic post for people who are touting the "truth" of the biology of the situation. Hypocrites.
Its really weird that people want to remind a little girl that her sister is a "half-sister". Whats the point of this? My sister has six kids, three adopted and three biological, wtf would be the intention of telling my biological nephews/nieces that their siblings are "adopted sisters/brothers". Technically its true, but why is the distinction so important to someone who isn't a part of the relationship? Its completely weird to me that a person would use that term when referring to someone else's family. Would you draw the same distinction from a step-parent? "Oh no Sally, he's not your dad, he's your step-dad". Mind your own business, its not your place to define other people's family relationships
Big family is wonderful - if it works. If not, it's a hughe burden. I do have 3 half sisters and brothers. For me it was difficult and it always will be. Friends are closer to me than my siblings. People act and find words on base of their own experience, i don't think they want to irritade your little girls. If your concept of living works: well done - take care about for the future!
My girls are 13 years apart and we never got caught up on terminology. Baby sister Kate wanted her big sister (Amy) in delivery room with her when my grandson was born. The love and bonding has lasted a lifetime. Kate is now 36 with one more added to the mix(Molly) and her sister Amy is 49. I have a 24 yr. old grandson ( Curt, my first grand baby and Amy's only child) a 6 year old Henry, family delivered, and 3 year old Molly ( born in Colorado). They remain a close and while they live in different States now, the bond is unbroken. Having them all together on holidays and visits is our best gift ever. I was divorced and then widowed but my girls have always had each other.
Each to their own, I suppose. My family is my family. Half does not come into it. They are simply my bros or sis.
I personally think that it is just a "technical term", but my little brother hates it. Me and my brother are about 15 years apart and have never lived together, but we do have a really strong bond. Once I was picking him up from primary school (you call and wait outside - security) when my brother came striding. "The teacher said that you are my step sister!" he said straight away. (he knows the situation - he figured it out on his own, I was forbidden to tell him we are family, dad indroduced me as a "friend". He knew immediately (4yo) that we are siblings, at 5 he confronted dad about it, but that is another story.) So I just stared back. "I told her, Mrs teacher, Annie is my dear friend, My sister, no step, my own sister, I know you did not know, but do not say it again." He gleamed. "I will not let anyone say you are not my sister!" He hugged me, I cried. Few years ago I thought he would never even call me family...
SO. MUCH. THIS. My sister is my sister, period. When people sit there and pry and insist on saying "half sister" even though WE don't, it's incredibly offensive.
I've never liked the "half" term sibling because it seems like you're calling them less than a sibling. They're my brothers and sisters. There is no half as far as I'm concerned.
In the most literal way, it doesn't matter what you are "concerned" about. A half sibling is a half sibling. It's up to YOU to take away from that what you will, but facts are not concerned with your feelings. I don't mean that in a harsh way at all, I'm just stating a reality. They're half sisters. Doesn't mean their bond isn't just as strong, it just means, well...... they're literally half sisters.
Load More Replies... Well, I think you need to distinguish technical and legal terms from colloquial usage. Someone who adopts a child will be a stepfather technically, although he may well become the best father in the world. I think we should get rid of that strict notion of a genetical line. Why do people for example ask a couple with a child of different skin colour behind the back if they were not "successfull naturally"? Raising children, and also being sibling, is about love, not biology.
Seems to me like you're one of the minority who got the point right here, and for this I send you my compliments. Not to offend anyone else with their points and explanations, but at 8 year old, I think the elder sister is big enough to know these things. It's the attitude of other people needing to constantly correct her and remind her that they don't have the same father that's the real problem here. As if divorce itself wasn't tough for the daughter (probably so, kids always get affected somehow, although it seems these ladies are getting a happy life now), now the girl will have to face "you mean, your HALF-sister", instead of "awwww! Look at you how cute! What a love! ♥". It's all about the attitude and the psychological effect it has on the kids, really.
Load More Replies... The only reason she doesn't know the technical terms and how to feel about them is because her mother is not taking the time to explain it to her. Mom sounds like she's more embarrassed by the situation than she's worried about helping her child understand that what people say does not make any difference in her relationship with her sister. The only way people would see calling her sister a half-sister as negative is people that watch too much tv and gather stereotypes from story lines in which petty people hate their families. Just like old fairy tales portrayed step-mothers as being evil......
Load More Replies... Your therapist called, TJ, you missed your appointment.
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