There are times when words hurt more than actions do. Especially so if they come from the mouth of someone you thought you were close with. Bonus points if the addressee doesn't quite * get * why their words were hurtful. Mix these three things—hurtful words coming from your loved one without them being aware of being an a-hole—and you get the perfect combination to mess with someone's self-esteem.
When one young woman asked people on Twitter "what are things a guy has said to you that he has no idea severely hurt your feelings?" dozens of people delivered. While we're not saying that only guys say offensive things, this list is precisely about that—30 people sharing the times that a man has hurt their feelings without being aware of it. So scroll down to see the full list and tell us in the comments below whether * you * have ever been offended by a guy who thought he was just being honest!
More info: Twitter
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Me, too. Not so much these days, but it's still an issue.
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That is sad, that his cruel statement has made you self conscious. I know I talk a ton when I am into someone and that would have shaken me too.
I dated a guy who had been told something like that. Poor guy would apologize after totally normal behaviors. I tried so hard to reverse it by telling him I liked that behavior.
Such things get to your head for a long time... My ex (also around 10 years ago) once told me I "smile too widely" and "he can see all my teeth" and "I should practice smile"... I still think about it sometimes.
He may have been right or not. But if you're still obsessing over something someone said, in passing, 10 years ago, that shows that you still need to grow into your self confidence, your realization that the opinion of others doesn't have to be the barometer of your value. I also used to fixate on insults from my high school days or from years and years ago, as I get toward my late 30s I'm trying to emotionally see, with some success, just how insignificant all of that is.
That's horrible. I love to talk. Im married and love a women who has a lot to say. If people are quiet that's fine, but you don't have live in world where you have to change yourself for a lame guy. I'm sure there's a nice quiet girl out there for him somewhere...
Oh boy... I think that must've happened to me, too, because I always feel I talk to much or too little and it's like, what am I supposed to do?? Can I not just??? Be myself??????
An ex of mine (woman) told me many times that I sounded snooty or like a "smart a**" whenever I spoke about topics in my field (natural resources). It really did a lot of damage and hindered upward movement in my life for a lot of years. Took me a long time to realize it because it was so subconscious.
You know, a woman scientist wrote two books: one about the female brain and one about the male brain. Boy fetuses at about 10 weeks gestation have their brains flooded with testosterone, which destroys about 90% of the cells in the communications area of the brain. You don't talk too much; he didn't have the brain cells to keep up.
You were just filling up the empty spaces that he left you with and empty spaces are annoying !!
So sad, that you were silenced like this and haven't refound your real voice. :-(
I know I talk an awful lot, tough, this is me, like me or not, I am me
If someone said that to me I would I'm going to keep talking, but you don't have to listen.
You could’ve said: “I’m just making up for the lack of intelligent conversation coming from your direction.”
It's just wrong that you're finding you have to censor your thoughts.
I’ve been told a few times that I was “very chatty.” I don’t consider it to be a negative trait because I’m never talking nonsense...I’m just a curious person and have a lot of questions. Journalists share the same traits I do, and I consider them to be successful role models. In each case where these comments were made, the person was dull and unengaging. Their friends were all the same, and they all lacked EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. If you know that the words you utter aren’t just a lot of useless noise, it means you’re in the company of someone who’s simply not compatible with who you are. Seek out interesting people, even if they’re initially only online.
One guy said my voice was annoying and now i'm kind of ashamed to talk
No it's not. Imagine if this woman was your doctor, and she said "Sorry, but the tests came back positive. You have cancer.", before walking away because someone made her so insecure she barely speaks.
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"Baby, talking to you is like taking out the trash. Or cutting the grass. Or cleaning my dirty plates."
I hope you burned the bridge that was between you. Along with the rest of his stuff.
Point to his penis and say "you're a large? really? are you... sure?"
What's wrong with both? Having a scholar for a girlfriend would be awesome. Sitting by the fire, drinking cognac, discussing why Freud made everything about Penis Envy, and how much acid Piet Mondrian must have dropped when he started with his grid-based paintings.
That guy was one of those things that women are getting unsolicited pics of.
This is why it's important to know people's "love languages." He may not be ok with telling you you're pretty but if he's expressing his love for you in other ways (being faithful, telling the truth kindly, buying you treats, doing chores, etc.) then he may still love you very, very much. But people can learn to express themselves in new ways when they need to, or if they want to.
Most of these "accidental" ones are honestly just toxic relationships.
What's the point of this? It's just a collection of guys saying hurtfull or insulting things. I'm sure if I'd asked on Twitter "Guys, what's the meanest thing a woman ever said or done to you? "' I'd get a similar collection of women doing or saying hurtfull or insulting things. This is just another bashing of men because "Men BAD!!!" SMH.
Yeah. I don't understand why it wasn't just asking about anyone accidentally hurting feelings. Why single out guys? I see a few guys responded anyway with their stories, which made me happy.
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I know I offend my husband on occasion by accident, but the stuff that comes out of his mouth on a weekly basis by 'accident'? Omg
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Guys and girls, if your relationship doesn't make you feel good about yourselves, or it's not in your dating partner's personality to ever encourage you or compliment you in any way, but they have no problem being critical of something about you, then it's a good indication that you are not in a good relationship. While I realize there are many reasons that people choose to stay in these relationships, you are much better off without people that don't make you feel good about yourselves. It's also important to say that it's no one else's duty to make someone else feel good, but if you're in a good relationship, it will happen naturally. I do know how it feels to think you can't be without these people, but you absolutely can. Sometimes you will be so much better and happier for it also. Take time to love yourself and treat yourself and most of all be kind to yourself! If someone else isn't doing that very basic of all things in a relationship, being kind, then that's absolutely not a relationship for you. This applies to men or women either one, you both deserve to be happy in your relationships. Enjoy life and be kind to those who are kind to you.
The very first one that apparently started this idea is ridiculous. If someone I'm dating texts me to say that some other guy told them they had gorgeous eyes I wouldn't know what to say first and second I certainly wouldn't agree. I'd probably be preparing for being dumped. That's not something you should share with the person you're dating.
Soooo, I wrote an instrumental piece for my bf... he liked it very much.So I asked him "Did you notice how it sounds unlike anything I play in general?" And he goes: "Yeah, this one is very good". I got a good chuckle out of it, he was mortified once he realised how that sounded.
The new CMO at our company, who is a branding and marketing superstar, after working with me for a few weeks, asked me to join his team as head of brand. My background is in translation and technical communication, but I had been dabbling a lot in writing copy and coming up with messaging while our marketing department got up to speed. This represented a major promotion and (for me) an exciting career change. My husband's reaction? "But you don't know anything about Marketing!" It only occurred to him months later that this was probably something we should celebrate.
Idk why this gets downvoted, yes that's a thoughtless thing to say, but I do hope that you did or will acknowledge to him that you were hoping to celebrate the occasion and would have love to have support and encouragement going forward. If you focus on what you hope for and need instead of being accusatory, as much as we all feel like we need to sometimes, it will usually take the pressure off the other person and hopefully they will receive your message better.
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I know I'm not great, but at least reading these makes me understand that there are a lot worse people than me.
"The trouble with you is you're a rusty VW beetle at a car show, you need to stop hanging around with attractive women because you can never compete with them". Thanks bro.
Great. Now make those instances when girls hurt boys. Cause "fairness and equality", right? Just see the comments, mostly females being salty for each pictures but here for the article just males who are acting logically. My point is, we should realize that we do hurt each other. Our society is the one that is broken. This kind of posting just divides people from different groups / gender even more. In a bad way.
You just called women "females" and basically called them hysterical. Please don't shoot up any theaters.
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I've been told by 4 different guys that I'm "pretty enough to sleep with, but not pretty enough to date." This started when I was 14 years old...
I don't understand when anyone gets offended or upset by being told they are too smart or seem to have a high intelligence
I don’t think they were offended by that, rather than by the fact that the other person somehow made it out to be a bad thing
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So, when I started my new job, a icky coworker asked me out, I said no because of various reasons. He kept on asking, I still said no... He then called me a whore and told everyone we slept togheter... Months later, another male coworker told me "well, it's kinda your own fault, you're on tinder, you were asking for it" . Still don't know who of the two I want to set on fire the most...
It's so easy to Break the Mouth-Brain Filter. I wish I had a Redo Option for any Conversation... :D
I had just got in a car accident and was in the hospital, I broke my neck and surgery was the next day, my x-husband who was just siting n the room. I said " you should have brought some cards we can play gin" His response " You should have not wrecked the car". I told him to just leave, and I started crying
I sent my ex balloons and cookies to his office (he owned the business) for his 40th birthday, and he got pissed off at me- said he was embarrassed in front of his employees..Yes, I ended up divorcing the dummy, and he's regretted his behavior ever since..
I like the vengeful comment strings on this, lol. But I also like how this gives me confidence in my current relationship. Told my BF about a previous rejection that gave me a major insecurity, and he circled back to it an hour later by saying "I'm sorry, but WTF was wrong with that guy?!?" ...I think I'll keep this one ^.^
I have a good one, a former boyfriend (whom I was dating at the time) said I have "nice child bearing hips" he meant it as a compliment and was truly dumbfounded when I didn't take it well. This did not instigate the breakup but it was eye opening as to the vastly different ways we were raised.
This goes back 30 years ago, I was 21. I worked in a busy restaurant w/a party atmosphere & our crew was pretty tight. We all hung out after work & some relationships borne out of that. One girl who was so artistically talented, smart, & funny. She was a little overweight but that had nothing to do with whether or not she was attractive. She was. All those things mentioned and the fact she was physically cute all made her attractive. She showed interest in me & we had a fling (I hid that from our coworkers) but, because I was a shallow a*****e at the time, I told another coworker that she'd be great if she lost about 15 lbs. She heard those words. She was crushed. I tried to mend the friendship but it didn't really happen. I'd like to think I've grown since and, in the age of social media, we've been able to reconnect. She's a successful artist and has an awesome family. I've made clear how much I appreciate her friendship but haven't expressed how much I regret being the jerk I was.
Level up, ladies. These are just low value men, behaving like low value men. There are men who will treat you well, and not play head games. Love yourself and treat yourself with respect, and you'll never tolerate anyone treating you like garbage again. When a crappy dude who shows you who he is, leave him and find someone worthy of your love and attention. They're out there.
Women need more self confidence and less sensitivity about their bodies. Also, when a man truly loves you, he loves you, you'll feel it. Huge difference between someone you connect with and something you're trying to make work.
Lets be honest. Some of post just showing, how can some of girls just overreact or showing toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship should be no issue make funny points without any greater depht... Me and my wife making sarcastic or funny points all the time and being together almost 15 years ;)
The issue is caring more what someone else thinks about you than how you feel about yourself. A lot of these comments are just total throw-aways and shouldn't be a big deal. You just write it off to someone being thoughtless or an a*****e, rather than letting it affect the way you feel about yourself. Being young is hard.
No one wants to hear the truth on either side, and forget about expressing an opinion. Much easier to just bite your tongue so the trolls don't get yah.
Ladies (and the guy on the last one), there's only one correct answer to any of these - to be delivered as you walk out the door. "Go f**k yourself, loser."
personally, I believe this entire post is ridiculous. Not all guys are arses. Not all chicks take everything to heart. This is just the author's attempt to incite arguments for the sake of "clicks" and advertising dollars. It's actually kinda pathetic, wouldn't you agree?
Load More Replies... You might want to go back to your bridge. Those billy goats are going to cross it if you're not there to stop them.
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I can't possibly imagine why you don't get laid much.
Load More Replies... Most of these "accidental" ones are honestly just toxic relationships.
What's the point of this? It's just a collection of guys saying hurtfull or insulting things. I'm sure if I'd asked on Twitter "Guys, what's the meanest thing a woman ever said or done to you? "' I'd get a similar collection of women doing or saying hurtfull or insulting things. This is just another bashing of men because "Men BAD!!!" SMH.
Yeah. I don't understand why it wasn't just asking about anyone accidentally hurting feelings. Why single out guys? I see a few guys responded anyway with their stories, which made me happy.
Load More Replies... I know I offend my husband on occasion by accident, but the stuff that comes out of his mouth on a weekly basis by 'accident'? Omg
Load More Replies... Guys and girls, if your relationship doesn't make you feel good about yourselves, or it's not in your dating partner's personality to ever encourage you or compliment you in any way, but they have no problem being critical of something about you, then it's a good indication that you are not in a good relationship. While I realize there are many reasons that people choose to stay in these relationships, you are much better off without people that don't make you feel good about yourselves. It's also important to say that it's no one else's duty to make someone else feel good, but if you're in a good relationship, it will happen naturally. I do know how it feels to think you can't be without these people, but you absolutely can. Sometimes you will be so much better and happier for it also. Take time to love yourself and treat yourself and most of all be kind to yourself! If someone else isn't doing that very basic of all things in a relationship, being kind, then that's absolutely not a relationship for you. This applies to men or women either one, you both deserve to be happy in your relationships. Enjoy life and be kind to those who are kind to you.
The very first one that apparently started this idea is ridiculous. If someone I'm dating texts me to say that some other guy told them they had gorgeous eyes I wouldn't know what to say first and second I certainly wouldn't agree. I'd probably be preparing for being dumped. That's not something you should share with the person you're dating.
Soooo, I wrote an instrumental piece for my bf... he liked it very much.So I asked him "Did you notice how it sounds unlike anything I play in general?" And he goes: "Yeah, this one is very good". I got a good chuckle out of it, he was mortified once he realised how that sounded.
The new CMO at our company, who is a branding and marketing superstar, after working with me for a few weeks, asked me to join his team as head of brand. My background is in translation and technical communication, but I had been dabbling a lot in writing copy and coming up with messaging while our marketing department got up to speed. This represented a major promotion and (for me) an exciting career change. My husband's reaction? "But you don't know anything about Marketing!" It only occurred to him months later that this was probably something we should celebrate.
Idk why this gets downvoted, yes that's a thoughtless thing to say, but I do hope that you did or will acknowledge to him that you were hoping to celebrate the occasion and would have love to have support and encouragement going forward. If you focus on what you hope for and need instead of being accusatory, as much as we all feel like we need to sometimes, it will usually take the pressure off the other person and hopefully they will receive your message better.
Load More Replies... I know I'm not great, but at least reading these makes me understand that there are a lot worse people than me.
"The trouble with you is you're a rusty VW beetle at a car show, you need to stop hanging around with attractive women because you can never compete with them". Thanks bro.
Great. Now make those instances when girls hurt boys. Cause "fairness and equality", right? Just see the comments, mostly females being salty for each pictures but here for the article just males who are acting logically. My point is, we should realize that we do hurt each other. Our society is the one that is broken. This kind of posting just divides people from different groups / gender even more. In a bad way.
You just called women "females" and basically called them hysterical. Please don't shoot up any theaters.
Load More Replies... I've been told by 4 different guys that I'm "pretty enough to sleep with, but not pretty enough to date." This started when I was 14 years old...
I don't understand when anyone gets offended or upset by being told they are too smart or seem to have a high intelligence
I don’t think they were offended by that, rather than by the fact that the other person somehow made it out to be a bad thing
Load More Replies... So, when I started my new job, a icky coworker asked me out, I said no because of various reasons. He kept on asking, I still said no... He then called me a whore and told everyone we slept togheter... Months later, another male coworker told me "well, it's kinda your own fault, you're on tinder, you were asking for it" . Still don't know who of the two I want to set on fire the most...
It's so easy to Break the Mouth-Brain Filter. I wish I had a Redo Option for any Conversation... :D
I had just got in a car accident and was in the hospital, I broke my neck and surgery was the next day, my x-husband who was just siting n the room. I said " you should have brought some cards we can play gin" His response " You should have not wrecked the car". I told him to just leave, and I started crying
I sent my ex balloons and cookies to his office (he owned the business) for his 40th birthday, and he got pissed off at me- said he was embarrassed in front of his employees..Yes, I ended up divorcing the dummy, and he's regretted his behavior ever since..
I like the vengeful comment strings on this, lol. But I also like how this gives me confidence in my current relationship. Told my BF about a previous rejection that gave me a major insecurity, and he circled back to it an hour later by saying "I'm sorry, but WTF was wrong with that guy?!?" ...I think I'll keep this one ^.^
I have a good one, a former boyfriend (whom I was dating at the time) said I have "nice child bearing hips" he meant it as a compliment and was truly dumbfounded when I didn't take it well. This did not instigate the breakup but it was eye opening as to the vastly different ways we were raised.
This goes back 30 years ago, I was 21. I worked in a busy restaurant w/a party atmosphere & our crew was pretty tight. We all hung out after work & some relationships borne out of that. One girl who was so artistically talented, smart, & funny. She was a little overweight but that had nothing to do with whether or not she was attractive. She was. All those things mentioned and the fact she was physically cute all made her attractive. She showed interest in me & we had a fling (I hid that from our coworkers) but, because I was a shallow a*****e at the time, I told another coworker that she'd be great if she lost about 15 lbs. She heard those words. She was crushed. I tried to mend the friendship but it didn't really happen. I'd like to think I've grown since and, in the age of social media, we've been able to reconnect. She's a successful artist and has an awesome family. I've made clear how much I appreciate her friendship but haven't expressed how much I regret being the jerk I was.
Level up, ladies. These are just low value men, behaving like low value men. There are men who will treat you well, and not play head games. Love yourself and treat yourself with respect, and you'll never tolerate anyone treating you like garbage again. When a crappy dude who shows you who he is, leave him and find someone worthy of your love and attention. They're out there.
Women need more self confidence and less sensitivity about their bodies. Also, when a man truly loves you, he loves you, you'll feel it. Huge difference between someone you connect with and something you're trying to make work.
Lets be honest. Some of post just showing, how can some of girls just overreact or showing toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship should be no issue make funny points without any greater depht... Me and my wife making sarcastic or funny points all the time and being together almost 15 years ;)
The issue is caring more what someone else thinks about you than how you feel about yourself. A lot of these comments are just total throw-aways and shouldn't be a big deal. You just write it off to someone being thoughtless or an a*****e, rather than letting it affect the way you feel about yourself. Being young is hard.
No one wants to hear the truth on either side, and forget about expressing an opinion. Much easier to just bite your tongue so the trolls don't get yah.
Ladies (and the guy on the last one), there's only one correct answer to any of these - to be delivered as you walk out the door. "Go f**k yourself, loser."
personally, I believe this entire post is ridiculous. Not all guys are arses. Not all chicks take everything to heart. This is just the author's attempt to incite arguments for the sake of "clicks" and advertising dollars. It's actually kinda pathetic, wouldn't you agree?
Load More Replies... You might want to go back to your bridge. Those billy goats are going to cross it if you're not there to stop them.
Load More Replies... I can't possibly imagine why you don't get laid much.
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