Guy Refuses To Pay $126 For His Date’s Food, So She Shows Him Her True Colors
Gerda BoredPanda staff
In the old days, when women were less likely to work and earn their own money, it became normal for the man to pick up the bill while on a dinner date. In some cultures, this hangover from the past is still very much the accepted norm, while in gender equality-progressive countries like Denmark for example, men insisting on paying for everything can be seen as rude and sexist.
Image credits: findemaxa (not the actual photo)
First dates can be an awkward social minefield in general, and this little ambiguity only adds to the confusion. Reddit user u/CuteBananaMuffin decided to share his story recently, and it’s fair to say, his date definitely had some old-fashioned first date ideas. After doing the progressive (and frankly, fair) thing on the first date, he thought he’d try to ask her out again. He obviously thought it had gone pretty well, and perhaps it had, up until the fateful moment the restaurant bill appeared, and he learned how rude people could truly be.
“The date was fun at first until she started talking about another guy and how much he liked him, but I thought ‘let’s eat, talk and leave’ since she’s into another guy, and it all crumbled when it came to the bill,” he told Bored Panda. “She was shocked that I let her pay. She didn’t say anything at the time, but from her facial expression, I realized she was furious for not getting free food.”
“I usually pay for both sides when it comes to the bill, but I’m a student, and I work 60 hours a week to pay for food, books, etc. so I obviously couldn’t afford to pay 110 euros for her food. I asked her out again to apologize pretty much for the previous time, hoping we can go to a cheaper place so I could make up for it, but as you can see, the result was awful…
Here’s what others had to say about the exchange
My thing has always been that whoever invites is the one that pays. Unless it is discussed prior to whoever accepts the invite that we are going dutch. I think it's only fair and I have never had any complaints. Btw if you can't tell by my name already, I am a Woman. =)
In my friend circle we also do that. An unspoken rule is that you never order more than a certain amount. This lady is clearly a gold digger who only wants to be wine and dined by those with some money! SHAME ON HER!
I agree, but in this case, I am siding with the guy. I would be offended if my "guest" ordered 6 times the cost of my meal. Only bad guests take advantage of the host. When I first started dating, back in the day when the guy was expected to foot the bill for everything (which I thought was unfair), my mother had some wise words for me. "If others are paying for your meal, do not choose either the most expensive or the least expensive item on the menu. You don't want to appear either greedy or cheap. Be considerate: you are spending someone else's hard-earned cash. Choose something in the lower-middle. Do not order expensive extras, like drinks, desserts, appetizers, unless your host insists. Even then, try to keep the cost of your items about the same or less than your host's, and never, ever more expensive." I followed this advice my whole life, whether with friends or while dating. It lets everybody focus on friendships and never starts arguments.
@PeachPossum I agree totally. I have a friend that always invites me out for lunch and insists on paying. I will usually order something inexpensive, but filling. I never order anything but water to drink (used the excuse that I'm trying to cut back on sugar drinks) and I never order dessert or wine/beer on someone else's dime. I tried to pay for mine once..and she was having none of it. She said "If I invite you out, I pay!" I couldn't afford to invite her out, but would cook dinner for her and her husband sometimes to pay her back for her hospitality.
Well, he said she was the one who invited him, so Mama Panda is saying the same thing - the woman should have paid for the date.
Completely agree. While it's nice if he pays for her dinner, it goes the other way too. He shouldn't always be the one to pay because "that's what a gentleman does"
I was raised when you go out you watch what the man orders and you order the same price as he does. That was low class, obnoxious and rude to order such a high price especially since he’s a student. If she’s not interested in the man and she wants a platonic relationship then you go Dutch and if he picks it up you offered to buy the drinks and the tip. Unless he has money then it doesn’t bother him
I agree, if I invite someone out and particularly if I also choose the place I always offer to pay.
Whoever invites pays is the rule of thumb of us gays.
Yup. If I'm inviting someone out where it might cost a pretty penny I'll say something like "I'll take you out to dinner" or something so it's clear up front. If not, I like to just ignore the bill when it comes and watch her turn into an indoor astronomer. She'll look anywhere but the bill and that's when I know she's not for me.
"Indoor astronomer" lolol
Yeah, we could tell. It's great to have a policy like that when it's usually the guy doing the asking out.
Yeah, and the guy should invite the girl. Again, it's a gentleman's rule kind of thing.
Sounds fair nowadays.
since when does a women invinte first ?
When she wants a free meal!
Some do. I've invited guys out plenty of times. When women invite first, sometimes they pay the whole bill, sometimes they go dutch, and sometimes the guy wants to be a macho provider and foot the whole bill anyway, which is more common if he makes a lot more money than the woman. But a woman should never invite a guy out if she isn't prepared to pay for everything. Because the unspoken rule is still that whoever did the inviting does the paying. Therefore, I only ask men out on dates when I have money to burn. The woman in the story is unforgivable, tacky, and low-value. ........................................................................................................................................................................All the times I've invited guys out, even if I was the one paying and was clear to them that I intended to blow a giant wad of cash, they still tried to order something affordable; and if they saw something a bit expensive that they liked, they would always be diplomatic about it - they'd typically mention it in passing and not even really ask to order it - they'd just say something like, "Wow, that looks delicious, but it's so pricey," sort of testing the waters without actually asking, like a considerate human being would do. At that point it's up to the host to be like, "Wow, yeah, that's insanely pricey! What is this restaurant thinking!" OR "That does look good! Let's order it! I want to try some!" Either way, everyone saves face. It's called basic decency and social skill! Most men have it and I'm pretty sure most women have it too! I don't date women, but I don't personally know any woman who would pull the stunt that the woman in the story pulled! That's just repulsive!
When she thought she found 'gold' whilst digging~!
When my wife and I were dating, we took it in turns to pay. We still do that now :D
Same! It has never been an issue with us at all. We'd take turns but would never go 'I paid last time so you pay'. It would just be that if one paid for dinner, the other would get the cinema tickets and snacks. Guess we just knew we'd stay together so it never crossed our minds as being an issue. We also never really went on dates as we started going out pretty quickly and pre tinder etc. I can imagine it being an absolute nightmare to deal with some people like the one in the post...
Me and my partner split it down the middle. We've been doing that since our first date.
Heck yeah, that is the way to do it. This is after all the 21st century. Only exception is Birthdays of course :D
Same here. Our first date, he paid, as he asked me, and insisted. We went to an inexpensive place. Took a lot of pressure away.
lol Matt Palmer, my wife and I too, but now it just comes out of the same account anyways!
The biggest question is why would he ask her out after that dinner? I mean, yeah sex and stuff but it was soooo not worth it...
As he said — he knew she was mad, so he wanted to make it up for it on a second date.
She asked him out.
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She apparently was mute in shock that night. He knew what she was trying to do and didnt pay for her stuff. She didnt say anything that night... He wanted to tick her off LOL
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Why not? Probably she didn't complain and he thought he found a progressive woman who does not depend on a man to pay her dinner...
He already knew she was mad so...
Boy, was he wrong...
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Because he is being nice????
My thing has always been that whoever invites is the one that pays. Unless it is discussed prior to whoever accepts the invite that we are going dutch. I think it's only fair and I have never had any complaints. Btw if you can't tell by my name already, I am a Woman. =)
In my friend circle we also do that. An unspoken rule is that you never order more than a certain amount. This lady is clearly a gold digger who only wants to be wine and dined by those with some money! SHAME ON HER!
I agree, but in this case, I am siding with the guy. I would be offended if my "guest" ordered 6 times the cost of my meal. Only bad guests take advantage of the host. When I first started dating, back in the day when the guy was expected to foot the bill for everything (which I thought was unfair), my mother had some wise words for me. "If others are paying for your meal, do not choose either the most expensive or the least expensive item on the menu. You don't want to appear either greedy or cheap. Be considerate: you are spending someone else's hard-earned cash. Choose something in the lower-middle. Do not order expensive extras, like drinks, desserts, appetizers, unless your host insists. Even then, try to keep the cost of your items about the same or less than your host's, and never, ever more expensive." I followed this advice my whole life, whether with friends or while dating. It lets everybody focus on friendships and never starts arguments.
@PeachPossum I agree totally. I have a friend that always invites me out for lunch and insists on paying. I will usually order something inexpensive, but filling. I never order anything but water to drink (used the excuse that I'm trying to cut back on sugar drinks) and I never order dessert or wine/beer on someone else's dime. I tried to pay for mine once..and she was having none of it. She said "If I invite you out, I pay!" I couldn't afford to invite her out, but would cook dinner for her and her husband sometimes to pay her back for her hospitality.
Well, he said she was the one who invited him, so Mama Panda is saying the same thing - the woman should have paid for the date.
Completely agree. While it's nice if he pays for her dinner, it goes the other way too. He shouldn't always be the one to pay because "that's what a gentleman does"
I was raised when you go out you watch what the man orders and you order the same price as he does. That was low class, obnoxious and rude to order such a high price especially since he’s a student. If she’s not interested in the man and she wants a platonic relationship then you go Dutch and if he picks it up you offered to buy the drinks and the tip. Unless he has money then it doesn’t bother him
I agree, if I invite someone out and particularly if I also choose the place I always offer to pay.
Whoever invites pays is the rule of thumb of us gays.
Yup. If I'm inviting someone out where it might cost a pretty penny I'll say something like "I'll take you out to dinner" or something so it's clear up front. If not, I like to just ignore the bill when it comes and watch her turn into an indoor astronomer. She'll look anywhere but the bill and that's when I know she's not for me.
"Indoor astronomer" lolol
Yeah, we could tell. It's great to have a policy like that when it's usually the guy doing the asking out.
Yeah, and the guy should invite the girl. Again, it's a gentleman's rule kind of thing.
Sounds fair nowadays.
since when does a women invinte first ?
When she wants a free meal!
Some do. I've invited guys out plenty of times. When women invite first, sometimes they pay the whole bill, sometimes they go dutch, and sometimes the guy wants to be a macho provider and foot the whole bill anyway, which is more common if he makes a lot more money than the woman. But a woman should never invite a guy out if she isn't prepared to pay for everything. Because the unspoken rule is still that whoever did the inviting does the paying. Therefore, I only ask men out on dates when I have money to burn. The woman in the story is unforgivable, tacky, and low-value. ........................................................................................................................................................................All the times I've invited guys out, even if I was the one paying and was clear to them that I intended to blow a giant wad of cash, they still tried to order something affordable; and if they saw something a bit expensive that they liked, they would always be diplomatic about it - they'd typically mention it in passing and not even really ask to order it - they'd just say something like, "Wow, that looks delicious, but it's so pricey," sort of testing the waters without actually asking, like a considerate human being would do. At that point it's up to the host to be like, "Wow, yeah, that's insanely pricey! What is this restaurant thinking!" OR "That does look good! Let's order it! I want to try some!" Either way, everyone saves face. It's called basic decency and social skill! Most men have it and I'm pretty sure most women have it too! I don't date women, but I don't personally know any woman who would pull the stunt that the woman in the story pulled! That's just repulsive!
When she thought she found 'gold' whilst digging~!
When my wife and I were dating, we took it in turns to pay. We still do that now :D
Same! It has never been an issue with us at all. We'd take turns but would never go 'I paid last time so you pay'. It would just be that if one paid for dinner, the other would get the cinema tickets and snacks. Guess we just knew we'd stay together so it never crossed our minds as being an issue. We also never really went on dates as we started going out pretty quickly and pre tinder etc. I can imagine it being an absolute nightmare to deal with some people like the one in the post...
Me and my partner split it down the middle. We've been doing that since our first date.
Heck yeah, that is the way to do it. This is after all the 21st century. Only exception is Birthdays of course :D
Same here. Our first date, he paid, as he asked me, and insisted. We went to an inexpensive place. Took a lot of pressure away.
lol Matt Palmer, my wife and I too, but now it just comes out of the same account anyways!
The biggest question is why would he ask her out after that dinner? I mean, yeah sex and stuff but it was soooo not worth it...
As he said — he knew she was mad, so he wanted to make it up for it on a second date.
She asked him out.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
She apparently was mute in shock that night. He knew what she was trying to do and didnt pay for her stuff. She didnt say anything that night... He wanted to tick her off LOL
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Why not? Probably she didn't complain and he thought he found a progressive woman who does not depend on a man to pay her dinner...
He already knew she was mad so...
Boy, was he wrong...
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Because he is being nice????