Parents Spent 14 Years Blaming Their Son For Grandfather’s Death, So He Finally Reveals His Biggest Secret
We all have burdens to carry, but the hardest ones are those you have to hide from others. For 14 years, these parents have been blaming their child for his grandfather’s death. Mainly, for not watching after him when it happened and for not trying to save his life. The kid, however, has a secret that would change their minds instantly. He has been carrying this huge load for all of this time and he’s probably doomed to continue for the rest of his life.
Probably to get some closure, the 28-year-old has just decided to anonymously share the story with the internet. “The way I tell the story is kinda nonchalant,” he wrote. “It was so long ago that I’ve had time to cope and think about what happened and how it changed me.” Scroll down to read the confession and let us know what you think about it in the comments.
One 28 year-old has a secret to share, the one he can’t keep to himself any longer
Image credits: Lee Haywood (not an actual photo)
He hasn’t even told his parents
Naturally, commenters had a lot of questions for him, and he was prepared to answer
People wanted to know how he was coping with it afterward
Wait, so how young was he?
What about the parents? Do they know anything?
So he was only a teen when it happened
Some were amazed that he actually shared it online
Others simply called him a hero
Kudos to this person for handling the situation and himself so well even being a teenager. Proves that age has nothing to do with maturity.
That is a thing..... that everyone nowadays is defined by age and everything society bestows on the needs and cunnings of a certain age. In this case, grandfather and grandson were perfectly able to conduct the things that need to be done. But, society does not accept when people do things differently. Such shortmindedness can be killing. Kudos to this person for handling the situation so properly.
Load More Replies...One of my friends works in the ICU and she regularly has to revive elderly patients because the family wants it. She says she can't understand why the family thinks this is helping because the patient almost always ends up with broken ribs along with a raw bronchial tube from the intubation. Once the patient revives, they are in constant pain, can't get adequate rest to heal quickly, and almost all of them die within a week and because of the broken ribs, the chance of being revived again is very small. So all the family did was ensure the patient lived their last week in terrible pain from every breath, and take away the dignity of passing on their own time.
Please wish your friend well. She/he has a terrifying job, knowing you have to hurt the dying more than they would want or wish.
Load More Replies...Usually when someone dies the people left behind want something to 'blame' a disease, or a reason or something like that, it feels like the parents don't want to blame the grandparent even though it's his choice he's the reason he went when he went, so they blame their kid, that's a huge amount of blame to lay on someone so young. Hopefully, if they know all the facts as we do, they can forgive and forget? Easy to say I guess.
I am an atheist and I am not afraid of death. what I am afraid of is the kind of torture one can go through on the way to death. I have notified my relatives and friends, and signed the documents. This young man was brave, and I salute him.
I am the same way, I realize that death is not something to be afraid of.
Load More Replies...Salute to the grandson. In the Netherlands, we have ways of offering help to anyone who does not want to be revived, due to very personal and private meanings. As long as you record it with GP;s, specialists, whatever? Your wishes are respected in many euthanasia laws here. However, many people, even Trump, think that these laws are used to kill any elderly by whoever asks for it. That is not true. In our society there are many laws who guard the proces of euthanasia and non-revival wishes. To the grandson: be at peace. Your grandfather would have died at any stage of his life/disease. Now, he died in the presence of someone he loved and trusted. That is a peaceful death.
Between the ages of 9 and 11, I was responsible for going home after school to watch my dad, who was dying of cancer. I'm not sure what I would have done if my dad had asked me of this. (He had breathing trouble in the night and died in the hospital the next day when I was 11.) He was clearly a mature young man. Hugs to him.
Many people plan their lives. Few plan their deaths. Don't wait until you can't.
Wow... Jonathan is starting to say nice things... What happened? (not being sarcastic, honestly curious)
Load More Replies...My mom's second round of cancer spread to her bones and she was in horrifying pain. She and a nurse friend of mine made an agreement that my friend would end it for her when it became too bad and she was ready to go. The end came quickly, so it wasn't needed, but I believe that people with terminal or severe chronic illnesses should have the right to end their lives in a painless manner.
The issue is: so many people think they are the experts on other peoples lives. Whether that is due to religious or non religious issues such as life style, psychological stuff, etc. Why do people think they can control the death of a fellow human? Yes, nowadays people want to live, we have lots of drugs/medications that alow people to live. Often not payable... however, we cannot control each other. That should be the word. Let us please respect the wishes of our fellow humans and still take care of them.
My Dad passed away on August 18, 2014, just 4 months after his lung cancer diagnosis. When we realized that he was never going to be a candidate for chemo (we couldn't get him healthy enough to poison him with chemo - his words) he elected for a DNR/No Heroic Measures. He too had been in and out of the hospital repeatedly. He sat us all down and explained what it meant, that under no circumstances were we to call 911. We completely understood and respected his choice. Later when we were alone, he & I discussed me making him a "special" cup of tea when he'd had enough. He asked, "You'd do that for me?". Me being ever the smartass said, "End your life for you? Oh, f**k yeah - in a heartbeat". His response? "You're a good girl, Mish". I never had to test that theory, he was gone less than 2 weeks later and basically doped up on morphine the whole time. Obviously it was incredibly sad and I miss him to this day, but all I could think was that his suffering was finally over.
Even if another family member had gotten him to a hospital in time, once the medical staff sees a DNR order, they legally cannot intervene to save that life. So, it's too bad that this grandson was blamed all those years when it was the grandfather that made the decision.
I had the same situation with my dad. He had a massive stroke. After it happened he signalled that he wanted all tubes out and then did not take food or drink. Died peacefully a few days later. Nobody else in the family would have done this for him and I took some flak for it. No regrets.
In the replies that follow afterward, he mentions "though I murdered him". I just want to say that, no, you didn't. It was the cycle of nature, and he protected you legally even. The sad part here is how you were blamed by your family for that. It's not your fault people don't live forever, and it's not good education from them towards you. It's good if you actually became stronger, but someone else in your position could have been led to suicide. Who would they blame then?
He was most likely in a lot of pain. This teen helping his grandpapa in life and in death is a happy and sad story. Thanks for sharing!
This story ist somehow weird. If this is truly happen like this: wow, how can ypu blame your child for something like that? He was 14? 16? And the grandfather? It seems understandable why he didn‘t choose the parents/ his own son/daughter but place that burden to a teenager seems also a little bit wrong. Couldn‘t he do it more officially, like that the hospital knows what he wants? Or at least, even if the family don‘t want to hear it, tell the whole family about his plans? And also I don‘t really get why the (grand)son choose to tell it on the internet. Especially bc it seems like he didn‘t try to explain what really happens to their parents, but maybe I got something wrong. This story may happen or not, I sadly believe that there are parents that blame their child for something like that, even if this story is maybe fake
Families do this all the time. My father committed suicide. He had been repeatedly diagnosed with severe depression and refused all treatment. My mother had left him years before, partly because of this, and mostly because he was a violent SOB and anyone around him was literally in danger of being killed by him. ... His brothers and sisters (none of whom had been in contact with him for a decade or more) have been screaming the house down to whoever will listen that my mother "killed" him. ... the FACT is that he CHOSE to put a 30.06 in his own mouth and pull the trigger. ... People are scum.
Load More Replies...Some parents are truly awful. Im glad ypu realize this was not any type of failing or fault of yours.
Same but with my great aunt. It's a sad club we're in, we who understand when the bearer of the soul is tired and tells us that they wish to rest, but...it is what it is. I can only hope I'm shown the same kindness when it's my soul's time to go home. I'm sorry for the pain and hope the burdens placed by others are well and truly gone for you now.
Dude.. you serve the one, the rest can think whatever... they were the ones not being there, when you were.. like it or not, they don't get to have a say... I have personal experience of your kind, not exactly the same, but similar, and it's enough to break anyone's heart. No youngster should have to take and carry what you did out of care for a loved one, especially not with the rest absent and blaming.. respect my friend, respect for respecting his wishes, for being there, for just being the one respecting his wishes, despite the others wants to decide over him, effectively ignoring him. You my friend, should not have had to carry this, but as you are, do it with the pride of having respected the last will, and in doing so, being the one true friend.
This young man did the right thing. He honored his grandfathers last wish. The pain was lifted.
What a great love you and your grandpa shared. No greater love, you did what he wanted,at great cost to you. You are brave to share the story.
If you want to go peacefully, it's important to have a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) request. Inscribe it on a metal medical bracelet or pendant, or tattoo it on your chest, no joke. Otherwise you will live in a vegetative state and may suffer for years or decades more. Your relatives may be reluctant to let you go but they will be even more reluctant to wipe your a*s for 20 more years.
No to mention drain every penny from any inheritance you want to leave them.
Load More Replies...sometimes people are suffering physically and they can't live anymore because of how many times they've suffered in the hospital and almost died and I feel like I would respect their wishes as well because I don't want them to suffer
That is very loving. It is an honor to respect someone's life and death choices
You did what you had to do in your love for your grand father. He knew you were the one to trust. 35 years ago I was the one forced to decide to remove my father from life support. He had no directive. He was only 60 but he too had gone though quite a lot and his body had just worn out. We had talked about this throughout his illness but it still wasn't easy. Move ahead 33 years... I sat quietly beside my mom, holding her hand as she slipped peacefully away. I was the only sibling entrusted, by her, with this final expression of love. I had cared for her for 8 long years as she slipped deeper away from us into dementia. I miss them both every day but I have no regrets...
Death with dignity, on one's own terms, is far better than living in pain. I don't understand people who can't accept that some people can come to terms with their death.
There wasn't a decision. He had a DNR order. What he did was honour his grandfather's request, and it was an incredibly brave thing to do.
Load More Replies...What kind of parents put that kind of responsibility on a child and then spend the next 14 years holding him responsible for something they should have been doing?
What a wonderful act of love. How sad he had to keep that to himself for all these years but I can imagine his family would have acted. What a brave and compassionate teenager.
To have to bear such a burden at that young age is horrible. His parents blaming him is even worse. Take care young man you did a good thing by honoring his last wishes. I firmly believe we all have a right to choose what he wanted. An end to the pain and suffering. I hope that your parents come around one day and stop blaming you.
A good guy born in a family of a******s... Blaming a 14 YO (basic math, people) for letting the grandfather die, as if he had killed him... Smh.
Young man, what you did was courageous and kind. I wish you could have unburdened yourself earlier instead of having to deal with this decision privately for so many years. Your grandfather was lucky to have had a grandson as mature and understanding as you were and I'm sure you gave him great comfort. May you always receive kindness and understanding in your own life from those you love and care about.
I’m so sorry for all this person has had to do nd endure like the blame but I’m proud of him. He absolutely did the right thing seeing the rest of the family didn’t get it. Hopefully the wounds will heal in every party involved but he clearly accepted it so that’s good. It takes wisdom to not blame the rest of your family for putting him in this situation.
Last year my husband of 55 years, had been pretty sick off and on for the last 3 months and he was not going to get well. He sighed a DNR. on the morning of the day he passed he had just seen the doctor who felt he was doing great. We came home and he was standing at the kitchen counter when he yelled my name and fell straight to the floor! He was gone that fast and it killed me. I cried and cried and yelled to him how much i loved him, and I did, he was my soul. The pain of losing him was only better because he was at home with me and not in some hospital by himself. I know he signed the DNR but God it was so hard to not try to get him breathing again. You so did the right thing for your Grandfather.
I believe he did the right thing based on the circumstances. And once again I get to see how some people called "parents" are so selfish & self absorbed that they can't see past the end of their eyelashes.
God bless his soul. Sometimes life is not the answer. We are so much repulsed by death that we don't consider its value. Someone who has lived his life to fullest then has to go through pain daily.. it's better to die peacefully than be around loved ones and be in pain.
You know, this is one of the few times bored panda has actually gotten a title right. This was oddly thought provoking for me.
My mom had to do something like this. My great grandpa had a situation where he thought he would be going, and my mom helped him sign the papers so that if it happened again they wouldn't try to save him. He's ok now, but my mom and my immediate family are the only ones who know about it.
This is an awful situation to be put in. It's terrible the grandpa would ask this of someone so young. A 16 year old should not be put through watching his grandfather die a painful death and watch the blood drain from top to bottom. It's messed up, and he should have called EMT's.
Wait...A little too melodramatic. The parents blame this kid for 14 years?....About the passing of an elderly person who was, to any sentient observer, near death. No, I don't buy it. It is possible the parents are that unmindful, but more likely it is a post styled to generate an emotional response. No thank you!
You must not live on the US. He said his parents were religious.
Load More Replies...Why do you think it's fake? I'm not being sarcastic. I want to know.
Load More Replies...Linda, the guy said that neither he nor his granddad were religious. You are right about the blaming, and that is as stupid as it can be. But I don't think this guy and his granddad want your religious wishings.
Load More Replies...Although there isn’t any proof or any direct reason to believe it, it’s a realistic story, and such things happen. It’s very likely this is a true story.
Load More Replies...Kudos to this person for handling the situation and himself so well even being a teenager. Proves that age has nothing to do with maturity.
That is a thing..... that everyone nowadays is defined by age and everything society bestows on the needs and cunnings of a certain age. In this case, grandfather and grandson were perfectly able to conduct the things that need to be done. But, society does not accept when people do things differently. Such shortmindedness can be killing. Kudos to this person for handling the situation so properly.
Load More Replies...One of my friends works in the ICU and she regularly has to revive elderly patients because the family wants it. She says she can't understand why the family thinks this is helping because the patient almost always ends up with broken ribs along with a raw bronchial tube from the intubation. Once the patient revives, they are in constant pain, can't get adequate rest to heal quickly, and almost all of them die within a week and because of the broken ribs, the chance of being revived again is very small. So all the family did was ensure the patient lived their last week in terrible pain from every breath, and take away the dignity of passing on their own time.
Please wish your friend well. She/he has a terrifying job, knowing you have to hurt the dying more than they would want or wish.
Load More Replies...Usually when someone dies the people left behind want something to 'blame' a disease, or a reason or something like that, it feels like the parents don't want to blame the grandparent even though it's his choice he's the reason he went when he went, so they blame their kid, that's a huge amount of blame to lay on someone so young. Hopefully, if they know all the facts as we do, they can forgive and forget? Easy to say I guess.
I am an atheist and I am not afraid of death. what I am afraid of is the kind of torture one can go through on the way to death. I have notified my relatives and friends, and signed the documents. This young man was brave, and I salute him.
I am the same way, I realize that death is not something to be afraid of.
Load More Replies...Salute to the grandson. In the Netherlands, we have ways of offering help to anyone who does not want to be revived, due to very personal and private meanings. As long as you record it with GP;s, specialists, whatever? Your wishes are respected in many euthanasia laws here. However, many people, even Trump, think that these laws are used to kill any elderly by whoever asks for it. That is not true. In our society there are many laws who guard the proces of euthanasia and non-revival wishes. To the grandson: be at peace. Your grandfather would have died at any stage of his life/disease. Now, he died in the presence of someone he loved and trusted. That is a peaceful death.
Between the ages of 9 and 11, I was responsible for going home after school to watch my dad, who was dying of cancer. I'm not sure what I would have done if my dad had asked me of this. (He had breathing trouble in the night and died in the hospital the next day when I was 11.) He was clearly a mature young man. Hugs to him.
Many people plan their lives. Few plan their deaths. Don't wait until you can't.
Wow... Jonathan is starting to say nice things... What happened? (not being sarcastic, honestly curious)
Load More Replies...My mom's second round of cancer spread to her bones and she was in horrifying pain. She and a nurse friend of mine made an agreement that my friend would end it for her when it became too bad and she was ready to go. The end came quickly, so it wasn't needed, but I believe that people with terminal or severe chronic illnesses should have the right to end their lives in a painless manner.
The issue is: so many people think they are the experts on other peoples lives. Whether that is due to religious or non religious issues such as life style, psychological stuff, etc. Why do people think they can control the death of a fellow human? Yes, nowadays people want to live, we have lots of drugs/medications that alow people to live. Often not payable... however, we cannot control each other. That should be the word. Let us please respect the wishes of our fellow humans and still take care of them.
My Dad passed away on August 18, 2014, just 4 months after his lung cancer diagnosis. When we realized that he was never going to be a candidate for chemo (we couldn't get him healthy enough to poison him with chemo - his words) he elected for a DNR/No Heroic Measures. He too had been in and out of the hospital repeatedly. He sat us all down and explained what it meant, that under no circumstances were we to call 911. We completely understood and respected his choice. Later when we were alone, he & I discussed me making him a "special" cup of tea when he'd had enough. He asked, "You'd do that for me?". Me being ever the smartass said, "End your life for you? Oh, f**k yeah - in a heartbeat". His response? "You're a good girl, Mish". I never had to test that theory, he was gone less than 2 weeks later and basically doped up on morphine the whole time. Obviously it was incredibly sad and I miss him to this day, but all I could think was that his suffering was finally over.
Even if another family member had gotten him to a hospital in time, once the medical staff sees a DNR order, they legally cannot intervene to save that life. So, it's too bad that this grandson was blamed all those years when it was the grandfather that made the decision.
I had the same situation with my dad. He had a massive stroke. After it happened he signalled that he wanted all tubes out and then did not take food or drink. Died peacefully a few days later. Nobody else in the family would have done this for him and I took some flak for it. No regrets.
In the replies that follow afterward, he mentions "though I murdered him". I just want to say that, no, you didn't. It was the cycle of nature, and he protected you legally even. The sad part here is how you were blamed by your family for that. It's not your fault people don't live forever, and it's not good education from them towards you. It's good if you actually became stronger, but someone else in your position could have been led to suicide. Who would they blame then?
He was most likely in a lot of pain. This teen helping his grandpapa in life and in death is a happy and sad story. Thanks for sharing!
This story ist somehow weird. If this is truly happen like this: wow, how can ypu blame your child for something like that? He was 14? 16? And the grandfather? It seems understandable why he didn‘t choose the parents/ his own son/daughter but place that burden to a teenager seems also a little bit wrong. Couldn‘t he do it more officially, like that the hospital knows what he wants? Or at least, even if the family don‘t want to hear it, tell the whole family about his plans? And also I don‘t really get why the (grand)son choose to tell it on the internet. Especially bc it seems like he didn‘t try to explain what really happens to their parents, but maybe I got something wrong. This story may happen or not, I sadly believe that there are parents that blame their child for something like that, even if this story is maybe fake
Families do this all the time. My father committed suicide. He had been repeatedly diagnosed with severe depression and refused all treatment. My mother had left him years before, partly because of this, and mostly because he was a violent SOB and anyone around him was literally in danger of being killed by him. ... His brothers and sisters (none of whom had been in contact with him for a decade or more) have been screaming the house down to whoever will listen that my mother "killed" him. ... the FACT is that he CHOSE to put a 30.06 in his own mouth and pull the trigger. ... People are scum.
Load More Replies...Some parents are truly awful. Im glad ypu realize this was not any type of failing or fault of yours.
Same but with my great aunt. It's a sad club we're in, we who understand when the bearer of the soul is tired and tells us that they wish to rest, but...it is what it is. I can only hope I'm shown the same kindness when it's my soul's time to go home. I'm sorry for the pain and hope the burdens placed by others are well and truly gone for you now.
Dude.. you serve the one, the rest can think whatever... they were the ones not being there, when you were.. like it or not, they don't get to have a say... I have personal experience of your kind, not exactly the same, but similar, and it's enough to break anyone's heart. No youngster should have to take and carry what you did out of care for a loved one, especially not with the rest absent and blaming.. respect my friend, respect for respecting his wishes, for being there, for just being the one respecting his wishes, despite the others wants to decide over him, effectively ignoring him. You my friend, should not have had to carry this, but as you are, do it with the pride of having respected the last will, and in doing so, being the one true friend.
This young man did the right thing. He honored his grandfathers last wish. The pain was lifted.
What a great love you and your grandpa shared. No greater love, you did what he wanted,at great cost to you. You are brave to share the story.
If you want to go peacefully, it's important to have a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) request. Inscribe it on a metal medical bracelet or pendant, or tattoo it on your chest, no joke. Otherwise you will live in a vegetative state and may suffer for years or decades more. Your relatives may be reluctant to let you go but they will be even more reluctant to wipe your a*s for 20 more years.
No to mention drain every penny from any inheritance you want to leave them.
Load More Replies...sometimes people are suffering physically and they can't live anymore because of how many times they've suffered in the hospital and almost died and I feel like I would respect their wishes as well because I don't want them to suffer
That is very loving. It is an honor to respect someone's life and death choices
You did what you had to do in your love for your grand father. He knew you were the one to trust. 35 years ago I was the one forced to decide to remove my father from life support. He had no directive. He was only 60 but he too had gone though quite a lot and his body had just worn out. We had talked about this throughout his illness but it still wasn't easy. Move ahead 33 years... I sat quietly beside my mom, holding her hand as she slipped peacefully away. I was the only sibling entrusted, by her, with this final expression of love. I had cared for her for 8 long years as she slipped deeper away from us into dementia. I miss them both every day but I have no regrets...
Death with dignity, on one's own terms, is far better than living in pain. I don't understand people who can't accept that some people can come to terms with their death.
There wasn't a decision. He had a DNR order. What he did was honour his grandfather's request, and it was an incredibly brave thing to do.
Load More Replies...What kind of parents put that kind of responsibility on a child and then spend the next 14 years holding him responsible for something they should have been doing?
What a wonderful act of love. How sad he had to keep that to himself for all these years but I can imagine his family would have acted. What a brave and compassionate teenager.
To have to bear such a burden at that young age is horrible. His parents blaming him is even worse. Take care young man you did a good thing by honoring his last wishes. I firmly believe we all have a right to choose what he wanted. An end to the pain and suffering. I hope that your parents come around one day and stop blaming you.
A good guy born in a family of a******s... Blaming a 14 YO (basic math, people) for letting the grandfather die, as if he had killed him... Smh.
Young man, what you did was courageous and kind. I wish you could have unburdened yourself earlier instead of having to deal with this decision privately for so many years. Your grandfather was lucky to have had a grandson as mature and understanding as you were and I'm sure you gave him great comfort. May you always receive kindness and understanding in your own life from those you love and care about.
I’m so sorry for all this person has had to do nd endure like the blame but I’m proud of him. He absolutely did the right thing seeing the rest of the family didn’t get it. Hopefully the wounds will heal in every party involved but he clearly accepted it so that’s good. It takes wisdom to not blame the rest of your family for putting him in this situation.
Last year my husband of 55 years, had been pretty sick off and on for the last 3 months and he was not going to get well. He sighed a DNR. on the morning of the day he passed he had just seen the doctor who felt he was doing great. We came home and he was standing at the kitchen counter when he yelled my name and fell straight to the floor! He was gone that fast and it killed me. I cried and cried and yelled to him how much i loved him, and I did, he was my soul. The pain of losing him was only better because he was at home with me and not in some hospital by himself. I know he signed the DNR but God it was so hard to not try to get him breathing again. You so did the right thing for your Grandfather.
I believe he did the right thing based on the circumstances. And once again I get to see how some people called "parents" are so selfish & self absorbed that they can't see past the end of their eyelashes.
God bless his soul. Sometimes life is not the answer. We are so much repulsed by death that we don't consider its value. Someone who has lived his life to fullest then has to go through pain daily.. it's better to die peacefully than be around loved ones and be in pain.
You know, this is one of the few times bored panda has actually gotten a title right. This was oddly thought provoking for me.
My mom had to do something like this. My great grandpa had a situation where he thought he would be going, and my mom helped him sign the papers so that if it happened again they wouldn't try to save him. He's ok now, but my mom and my immediate family are the only ones who know about it.
This is an awful situation to be put in. It's terrible the grandpa would ask this of someone so young. A 16 year old should not be put through watching his grandfather die a painful death and watch the blood drain from top to bottom. It's messed up, and he should have called EMT's.
Wait...A little too melodramatic. The parents blame this kid for 14 years?....About the passing of an elderly person who was, to any sentient observer, near death. No, I don't buy it. It is possible the parents are that unmindful, but more likely it is a post styled to generate an emotional response. No thank you!
You must not live on the US. He said his parents were religious.
Load More Replies...Why do you think it's fake? I'm not being sarcastic. I want to know.
Load More Replies...Linda, the guy said that neither he nor his granddad were religious. You are right about the blaming, and that is as stupid as it can be. But I don't think this guy and his granddad want your religious wishings.
Load More Replies...Although there isn’t any proof or any direct reason to believe it, it’s a realistic story, and such things happen. It’s very likely this is a true story.
Load More Replies...
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