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Brother’s Future Wife Expects Woman To Babysit 40 Kids During Their Wedding, Goes Ballistic When She Refuses
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Brother’s Future Wife Expects Woman To Babysit 40 Kids During Their Wedding, Goes Ballistic When She Refuses

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Imagine being extremely close to your sibling when growing up, only to realize that it may all change for good after they get married. This is what happened to a 20-year-old woman whose older brother was about to marry his fiancée, Emily.

“We don’t get along at all,” the author of this r/AITA post said about Emily, her future SIL. It turns out, Emily asked her to babysit the guests’ babies at their ‘childfree’ wedding, the same wedding she initially didn’t allow the author to attend because she was too young. “In Emily’s eyes, a child is anyone under twenty-one years old,” the author explained.

But the author was not happy to accept the offer, saying “the more I refused, the angrier Emily got.” Read the full story below and be sure to share your thoughts in the comment section below!

Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)

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el_bali avatar
Mari
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ridiculous! A slibing not invited to a wedding? That's just cruel. And she has to babysit for 40 childeren! That's just mad. I hope your brother opens his eyes and understands what of person Emily is. He can be ashamed too for his own behaviour towards his sister.

sassyandclassy avatar
classbag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

40 CHILDREN. That's not even safe or reasonable. What the everloving...

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james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope, you are not the asshole. What I don't understand is why would the fiance need a child care type service if children aren't invited to the wedding. And seriously who the f**k considers a 20yo a child. Sounds like Emily is just making excuses to get rid of you. I would honestly stand my ground and not even go to the wedding. Your brother, Emily and your family that's pissed at you are the assholes here.

info_884 avatar
Alex Bailey
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you - that's exactly the problem I was having with this story. All these people aren't supposed to be bringing their children. 20 is not a child and if she is considered one why on earth do they want a child looking after other children. Two people with 40 children is way too many anyway - that's extremely unfair. I'd not want to go at all.

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juliajuhas avatar
JuJu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nate should have a good look at his to-be-bride and reconsider his options. I hope his sister will be there when he gets divorced.

janealexander37 avatar
Jane Alexander
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope it doesn't come to that, Hope he'll take a good look and back out before he needs a divorce.

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saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Additional context from the thread itself: the kids ages are between 2-12 years old. OPs boyfriend would have to look after *all 40 (potentially) of them by himself* for 15 minutes while OP attends the ceremony itself. They've been engaged for less than 3 months. It's OPs mother who is blowing up her phone because she LOVES Emily. OPs siblings disagree with Emily, but want OP to concede for Nate's sake. Personally at this point I think Nate is being a coward and doesn't want to admit he's made a partner choice error.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did the thread say anything about how the OP's boyfriend felt about this? He's 20 years old, and if you ask the average 20 year old straight male to babysit 40 kids he'd either refuse, or shoot himself in the foot.

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faithhurst-bilinski avatar
Faith Hurst-Bilinski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Babysitting 40 kids at a wedding is nowhere near the same as teaching and will not prepare you for it. Signed, veteran teacher of 25 years who would not even consider doing this.

cherylzandt avatar
Cheryl Zandt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes to everyone saying nta, and PS no way would any parent I can think of be ok with dropping their kid/s off in a giant playgroup with a 1/20 ratio. That's not just unpleasant (for the kids too), it's unsafe!

donotreplytokjk avatar
yvonnedauwalderbalsiger avatar
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So they invited a ton of 'adult' guests or there wouldn't be 40 kids. Not everyone has kids, not everyone is going to travel to a wedding with kids in tow. (I'm assuming they didn't invite the Duggar family.) They can absolutely afford to pay 300 bucks to look after them. Hell, they should have hired some professional baby-sitters, because what if she or her boyfriend got sick and couldn't attend anyway? This is a problem of her and SIL not getting along due to personality clashes, this is the hill the SIL wants to die on and for some reason, the rest of the family is bothering the wrong person.

chuckycheezburger avatar
Chucky Cheezburger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like everyone is an a$$hole here except for the OP and her Bf...Nate for volunteering OP to babysit, Emily for thinking that anyone under 21 is a child *unless* they are going to be babysitting 40 kids for peanuts..(actually surprised they offered anything for the job) and the rest of OPs family for thinking she's in the wrong...Why doesnt one of the folks who says she should babysit do it themselves? It sucks that she will miss the wedding and sucks more because OP and her brother grew apart. But part of what makes life bearable is setting boundaries, and OP has set them. Sometimes you have to take of yourself, everyone else be damned.

birgitgeig_ avatar
Marik
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They expect the two of them to wach 40 children for 6h with a payment of 50$ each ... that would be round about 0,82$/h per child?! And them they're pissed to be declined that "generous" offer/chance? - most definitly NTA

biba_yu avatar
Biba Little
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is easy, her brother and his bride to be are horrible persons and she should not take huge responsibility to take care of 40 children for so little money or any money at all. To struck someone with such responsibility while at the same time not to invite them to a wedding as close family member is too cruel and offensive.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to wonder if the bride used 21 as a cut-off age in order to avoid inviting the OP.

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moths avatar
rabbitsrabbit
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since in the SIL's eyes, OP is a child, OP should go but not to babysit - she should be babysat. :D

chabot0310 avatar
Miguel justino C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well Nate can go through life knowing his balls will always be warm tucked away in her purse!

cmuraspunk avatar
Alphabet Soupy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Recently a family friend asked me invited me to her wedding “not as a guest, but to take pictures” also asking for them to be photoshopped. I was previously roped into doing a large family photo shoot which they paid with a dinner at a tex-mex restaurant, so I declined bc I don’t shoot events, have never shot a wedding, don’t have an assistant, nor professional equipment, and have never used photoshop. I may have been rude bc I also told her i wouldn’t invite her to my wedding as a caterer but not as a guest. She was quiet the rest of the night but I’m DONE giving away my services.

tamrastiffler avatar
Tamra Stiffler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTH happens to some people when planning a wedding? Does the event turn people into gigantic assholes, or does it just enhance pre-existing asshole-ness?

jjjaaaa avatar
Anna Nowak
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The law in my country says that one sitter can't take care of more than 8 kids under 3. And two unqualified 20 year olds are supposed to provide good care for 40 children and keep them safe? Thay's just insane. If I were any of those kids parent I would never agree to leave them under that kind of care.

nonotalways avatar
Bryn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was paid to babysit kids during a wedding. There were maybe 15 kids at max, ages 5 - 13. I was paid around 350 for the ceremony. Expecting someone, especially THE GROOM"S SISTER to do it for 100 for 40 kids is crazy. this should tell you something about the "bride" that they won't let their husband's sister attend.

cecibenve avatar
There Is No Planet B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do they even need to have baby sitting at the event? Can't the parents arrange their own? That's the way everyone I know has done it at all the adults-only weddings I've been

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the guests were not told that their children were not welcome for all activities. They were invited I'd say (if a true story), but the bride is blindsiding them when they arrive. Who's in on the bet those couples would turn around and leave (with their gift) one minute after arriving?

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darkdorkychick1778 avatar
chrissy goodman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i had a child free wedding however wen i say child free i mean like 5 and younger. i kno a child wouldnt want to b at a wedding for 5 or 6 hours with nothing to do. plus it was during covid and new york didnt allow dancing at weddings so they couldnt have fun doing that we had the tradition dances and ppl dance by their tables but thats it. my flower girl was 5 and the youngest there but i made sure she had plenty to do and she had a blast. the thing is our friends all have babies if we let the babies come they wouldnt get to enjoy themselves. we let the children come to the engagement party and bridal shower so they were included in some way. but making child free under 21 is ridiculous u r basically turning ur wedding into a 21 and older club at that point. it also leaves out family members i went to a wedding like that and during cocktail hour alot of gossip going around about how the bride and grooms families were very upset with them bc alot of cousins neices and nephews werent allowes to come. the worst part they had a perfect choice for flower girl and ring bearer but wat did they do their 2 dogs were the flower girl and ring bearer. the brides sister was furious with her bc her sisters daughter and son got replaced by dogs. as cute as it was i cut ties with that friend bc she backstabbed her own sister. her neice and nephew were supposed to b part of the ceremony then afterwards brought home to b with the babysitter but nope the bride changed the plans the day before the wedding. ppl who do 21 and older weddings dont realize it hurts family members if they have younger the 21 family.

chabot0310 avatar
cccc_ccc_c avatar
WalksAroundMountains
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dear, don't sweat it. You'll be invited and welcome at his next wedding: those two won't last 2 years.

marshafredell avatar
Lovin' Life
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not the type to be so negative or down on anyone but this brother and his fiance are the worst. They just want to use you. You weren't going to get to even go to their wedding because you are a " child" but it's ok to think you and your BF can keep 40 kids for six hours for a very insufficient amount of money. No! Hell no!!!

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sibling begs to attend brother's wedding, is over 18 (the legal age in the US at least for "adult" status), aned then is told ot babysit for bubkes for FORTY kids? Oh hail no. Emily pushed it to keep the girl from attending the reception/wedding. Prob feels threatened. The fact Bro doesn't react/act? Doesn't speak too well of him, either. (40 kids? That's a daycare, not babysitting!)

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anybody under 21 is a child that can't behave at a wedding?? What kind of world is the bride living in. And, no, you cannot watch 40 children with just two adults. that is not only insane it is simply dangerous. Who in theri right mind would demand that? And why do I keep reading about these bat-sh*t crazy people in boredpanda? Where do they all come from???

laurencaswell4 avatar
Lauren Caswell
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Normal height 8577 (last comment above) is spot on. Funny how this job she's so needed for has only eventuated after she spoke up about not being invited

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Admittedly I'm not a child person, but is 2 people babysitting 40 children for 6 hours even possible? Never mind the money, I just can't imagine how this is supposed to work in the first place.

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, first 20 years old is excluded from brother's wedding because it's child-free. Then, 20 years old is supposed to babysit 40 children - at child-free wedding. So it's a child-free wedding, but with children. What the hell.

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is his sister not part of the wedding party? When my friend got married they were in their mid twenties and had the grooms 17 year old half sister as a bridesmaid even though she and the bride weren't particularly close. It just would have seems wrong not to include his only sister. Like one of the posts comments said, at least she can be at his next wedding, this one is NOT going to last.

katietrondsen avatar
kit kat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

40 is A LOT of kids to watch for jist two people. Your sil is nuts for thinking that was an acceptable and safe way to watch kids. Everyone sounds like an asshole in this story

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bride considers 20 a child for one reason and one reason only and that is to exclude the OP because she doesn't like her. When that didn't work, she came up with this babysitting nonsense. She is not being the asshole, but her family, her brother, and this bridezilla are definitely being one. I hate that this awful woman is causing a rift between OP and her brother. Hopefully everyone eventually opens their eyes and sees what is really going on.

collettejohnson avatar
Meh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having 40 children 2-12 year olds being supervised by only 2 adults is asking for trouble. Accidents, nappies, toilet supervision, general keeping them entertained and safe. It's scary actually. If I was a guest at this wedding there's no way I'd leave my children in that environment. The bride is insane. Hope it all works out well between the brother and sister though.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you’re having a child free wedding, that doesn’t mean you provide daycare for the kids. It certainly doesn’t mean the 20 year old sister and her boyfriend are automatically going to babysit 40 kids for 6 hours and make a measly $50 each. That comes to 21 cents per child per hour. WTF? No, “child free” actually means anyone with children better damn well hire a babysitter and leave the kids HOME if they want to attend. This young woman is definitely NTA. I agree she should just RSVP No, and tell her brother she’ll gladly attend his next wedding. Which will probably take place in a couple years.

bcgrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait, her brother went to bat to allow her, a "child" to attend, but then wants her to watch a bunch of kids, thus missing the wedding? I would point out that it's illegal for a child to be left to mind other children for more than a few hours, and they get paid minimum wager per person, per hour. By each family. Having a child watch 40 kids is just not allowed! Sad that her favorite sibling is dead. She may never see him again until after the divorce, within 5 years...

rweaver-boredpanda avatar
Johnny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't be too upset about missing the wedding, you can always go to his next one, and based on "Emily's" personality and behavior, there will be a next one.

jjjaaaa avatar
Anna Nowak
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aside of everything that was already said, this situation is very dangerous to those children. I have an almost 2yo daughter that goes to daycare. In her group there are 15 children and two sitters. That's

graceandlucy avatar
Grace and Lucy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It could be that Emily created the, no children 20 or younger rule, when she decided that you threaten her relationship with Nate. A typical move for the narcissistic personality. Perfect solution in her childish mind. You are at the wedding yet not really at the wedding. Would not be surprised if she showed up at a friends wedding in a white dress. Unfortunately this is only the beginning of Queen Emily and her turd in the punch bowl rules. NTA

caroline_nagel avatar
Caroline Nagel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And the poor BF, who isn't even related to the groom or bride, has to babysit as well?

armsoftheocean avatar
Franc Esca
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm going to a wedding I'm going to celebrate not to work. No way.

will_fenton avatar
Will Fenton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Putting everything else aside, it is totally unreasonable to expect someone to take responsibility for 40 children (presumably of a range of ages). I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to manage that situation effectively outside of a proper, controlled, childcare setting.

lettersfrommyid avatar
Brenda Owens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they can afford a wedding then the baby sitting should have been included in the package. They have no right to ask you. With this many children they should spring for professional sitters. You are being penalized because you are young and under her assumption will eventually give in. If you truly an adult,you will tell her that you absolutely refuse to do the job under any circumstances. If she continues to act like the children that you're supposed to be baby sitting, then honey that's on child to many. You did the right thing. Do not let yourself be bullied.

rachiepete avatar
Dying Inside Rachel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA I’ve always thought child free weddings where like 12 yrs and up, 21 and up is insane.

c_mayo_1 avatar
RatherLoopy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, this is just ridiculous. A 40-ish kid is old enough not to need a babysitter in the first place.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just leave them in the basement with some online games and snacks and they're unlikely to burn the place down or let strangers into the house or whatever it is 40-year-old kids do to get into trouble.

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erikgranqvist avatar
Erik Ivan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would refuse to turn up for the wedding, pure and simple. If I am nit wanted, I would never even concider to turn up.

natalybills avatar
VogueGal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your brother Nate and his fiancée Emily are the selfish one here! They don't sound like good people and I'm sorry but it seems that the bond you guys once had is now long gone as a good brother would've stand up for his younger sibling(s) to attend his wedding ceremony and reception with no conditions. That's what family should be, stick together. Emily is just a terrible spoiled human being. You're NTA btw!

loramad avatar
Lora Mad
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so sorry your brother ended up with such a brat for a wife. Sounds like a very spoilt awful egocentric person. I hate bridezillas.

kirstituers avatar
Kirsti Tuers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This won't be a school like setting with known rules and assigned seats. That's going to be a free for all. Why as the bride is she taking on the responsibility all the sudden as soon as she is allowed at the ceremony. It should be up to each parent to find a sitter. The bride ruined her own wedding. Honestly as a parent I would not want my kids to be dropped off into that sh*tshow

mariet_1 avatar
Marie T
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One point a lot of people haven't mentioned is that this is not just unsafe and completely illogical (20 being a child but then looking after 40 kids). I am quite sure it would technically be illegal. Depending on the age of the kids. my mum ran a beaver scout group and legally you had to have AT LEAST 1 adult for every 6 kids. That is for ages 6-8, for younger kids the ratio is even closer. So unless all the 'kids' attending were teenagers the bride is putting them in potentially huge legal danger as well. If anything happens to one of the kids the bride and groom and the sister and BF could also face civil suits.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And how does the OP's boyfriend feel about it? Most 20 year old straight men would rather die or shoot themselves in the foot, and it's not like the OP can just volunteer his services. Is he willing? Does he have a close relationship with the OP's brother, or feel any sense of obligation towards the wedding? Has he ever babysat a group of children before? Even if he accepts, will he expect the OP to do all the work? Is he immature enough to get fed up, will he tell the kids "EVERYBODY WANNA CRASH THE RECEPTION???", etc.

ladyinterference avatar
Diane Aguilar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FYI, the follow-up post from OP from 11 months ago for those of you who are curious: "Hello! I didn't go to the wedding, as a babysitter or a guest. Instead, I hung out with my bf and dad. I received apologies from some of my family members and got blocked by Nate and Emily." And FYI, it turns out the OP's mom and her have a strained relationship and her dad wasn't involved in the drama because he and her mom have been divorced a long time.

robyn63ward avatar
Robyn Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It actually sounds like the bride to be had this intention all along knowing OP and her boyfriend love kids and are going into fields dealing with children. She played her hand well there but it is back firing. Stick to your guns OP, NTA

onecoolmominak avatar
Janet Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their marriage won’t even last five years. I’m calling it now.

shrutipatel avatar
Shruti Patel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If guests have to attend child free it's their responsibility to keep them in child care. Let them make their own arrangements. Op Tell your brother a child is if they are under 10. Children free wedding is a stupid concept as they are the ones who are really happy and excited about functions . For most of adults it's a duty to attend.

tiinaitmaalainen avatar
Kylli Anttila
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My life principle: If me exercising my RIGHTS ruin your day/life, too bad sorry not sorry. Entitled people are really good at confusing their wants with your obligations.

jaybird3939 avatar
Jaybird3939
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like Emily is jealous of your close (or used to be close) relationship with your brother. She's creating a conflict to make you look bad and exclude you from the wedding. Your brother agreeing to this little deal without checking with you is the first cut. As someone else said, start out as you mean to go on. I hope you'll get close again to your brother after the divorce. Tell your family if they need a wedding babysitter, to hire one. Then they'll find out $50 is piddly for that kind of work.

linbmc99 avatar
Lin B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA but your brother has become one for letting his fiancé treat you this way.

montgal52 avatar
Carney
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would urge you to talk seriously with your brother and warn him that his soon-to-be wife is not the person he might think she is and that he might want to rethink this entire marriage. BUT then he is acting as much of an a-hole as she, so perhaps she is exactly what he deserves. What entitled, nasty and graceless people.

keitho avatar
Keith O
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your brother is making a HUGE mistake. He had to "convince" her to "allow" you to be at your own brother's wedding ceremony? Just......the level of wow here is incredible. NTA at all. If your brother can't see what a huge bitch his future wife is now, there is no hope for your future relationship with him.

stanimira_deleva avatar
Pacifico Fernandez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ok those fake posts always have the same pattern. Sibling 1 asks Sibling 2 a ridiculous thing, then they refuse all the family is on the side of sibling 1 and everyone is calling/texting. Also, they thing they might be TA for something super innocent. And the wording is always similar. I call fake. And most of reddit is fake.

cristi_gregory avatar
Girlyfish66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think I'd leave my kids for six hours with 2 people who were watching 39 other kids. And I don't have kids!

viboh avatar
Léandre Merceron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the groom is 20 ans she doesn't want "kids" under 21??.............

amberkitten131 avatar
Bonnie Edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This bride is completely out of line. 1. It would have to be a pretty compelling reason for me to not attend my brothers wedding. And a loving brother would want me there. 2. If you're old enough to get married yourself, I'm pretty sure most countries would consider you an adult. 3. Every child care establishment in my country has a legal ratio of one adult per (max) 6 children. 2 adults to 40 children is way out of balance. And that pay is insulting. That said, I have happily wrangled up to 4 children at a time for family events, for free. That said... any child that gets hurt, or puts a sticky handprint on someones outfit, or damages something... the bride would totally use that as a weapon against OP in the future, AND claim it ruined her wedding. The woman needs a reality check.

suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP should be rightly pissed off for being chartered as a babysitter instead of a proper guest at her brother's wedding. This is a pity-invite, like "fine you can come, you can watch other people's kids". What the actual heck. And her brother needs to step up and say something.

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having two people babysit 40 kids is a completely unreasonable expectation. Wonder how many of the parents of these kids know that only two unprofessionals are watching 40 kids. The number of entitled brides I keep hearing about is staggering! The brother should have insisted that his sister be included in the ceremony and reception. Instead he decided to co-sign his fiancées bs.

sarah_bell avatar
Sarah Bell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never before hear of a wedding that offered child care. Especially for 6 hours! Nope not the ass home. He is the one that doesn't want to work it out with you. He should have asked oand offered to pay you. I feel like he probably didn't tell her that you would. I think she decided do tell you to do it and your brother took the heat to try and get you do it because he know of it wad her idea then you definitely wouldn't go along with it. Your family is bending over backward to accommodate him at your expense. I get not wanting to take sides and wanting to make sure that he has a good wedding but they should want you to be comfortable too. I bet they didn't even bat an eye when they said you couldn't even attend because your not an adult. She picked 21 because you are 20. If iyou were 21 it would be 22. They arw not responsible for the guests children. If they want to make it child free that's fine as long as they realize that some people may decline because they won't have a sitter or can't afford a sitter.

sarah_bell avatar
Sarah Bell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys sorry for the spelling. My auto correct is aggressive and it won't let me edit.

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ahmadpujianto avatar
The Cute Cat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude.. That is the weirdest thing I ever heard about a wedding. That bride lady is way too insane .

sarahcameron avatar
Cammy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would tell the SIL where to shove it, and say to her well I'm not even invited since I'm technically a "child" so you cant expect a "child" to babysit 40 children. I would not even go to the wedding after being treat like that either. I hope the brother can see what his finance is really like before marrying her and hope the relationship between the siblings heals.

sarahcameron avatar
Cammy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would tell SIL where to shove it and say well im 20 im not even aloud at the wedding cause im still technically a "child" in her eyes. And if its meant to be a child free wedding why are the kids there in the first place. I hope the brother can see what a horrible person his fiancé is before they actually marry. Definitely not the arsehole.

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THe fact that your family is supporting this insanity is really alarming. STick to your guns and set boundaries fast. You are not an asshole and your brother is an idiot! His future wife is a real "see you next tuesday" and he is happy to be her doormat. Go on with your life and separate yourself from them.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People come and go in life. Even close siblings. Since the brother is clearly getting on board with a wife of questionable character, I would just limit our interaction from then on, to avoid unnecessary expectations and drama. From experience this is for the better.

olape avatar
Ola Pe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apart from the whole situation of ridiculous expectations towards the girl and her boyfriend, why would people bring kids to a child-free wedding? Isn’t it parents’ job to hire a babysitter to look after their kids?

betakrankusov avatar
snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You lost me at "my brother had to convince his gf to have me for ceremony". That train left long time ago, it's not family anymore you were just left out of that information. I'm sorry.

stoatystoat avatar
Ken Hanlon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are there so many stories about bat s**t crazy brides? Are these women just crazy all the time or does getting married turn them into nut jobs?

hiba-elrayah-1 avatar
Hiba El-rayah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a minute, so teenagers are supposed to sit with infants? Isn't that an insult?

billmarsano avatar
bill marsano
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor Nate is going to end up a miserable henpecked husband. You are NOT the A. They are.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So if it's a child-free wedding, why are 40 babies invited?

lindamotley avatar
Raphael48
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were the sister, and was excluded from the wedding, on the day of the wedding itself I would post over every social media forum I could find that my brother's wife wanted me at her wedding so badly that she tried to pay me and BF to be there. Of course, we told her we were not for rent or hire. Then I would ask the question "How pathetic is she that she has to pay people to come to her wedding." And then I would laugh myself to pieces while enjoying my unannounced Caribbean vacation. But, then I'm a petty old lady who enjoys revenge...

emmagee avatar
Emma Gee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my brother pulled this s**t I wouldn't go to the wedding n we are very very close. Hell no. Not the asshole.

alicewiedrick avatar
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry but 40 kids for 2 people for 6 hours for 50 bucks doesnt add up. If anything it's Emily who's the greedy one. Shes calling you greedy while also only offering you a poor amount of money for the job. And then she rambles on to tell you that you should be the one paying her! Shes the greedy money hog here!

truscottjason avatar
Jason Truscott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

TBH anyone planning a childfree wedding is already an a..hole. Children are part our lives. This is real life not a vacuous glossy magazine photo shoot! The only reason you could be called an a..hole is because you didn't help you brother get rid of this poisonous person from his life.

lizbeth-martin1992 avatar
Liz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah yes another fake AITA. I swear, that whole subreddit is 98.2% made up BS for upvotes.

saradagrape avatar
Lady of the Mountains
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

uhhh wait so how old are these children if 21 is the cuffoff? you could find yourself with a bunch of 15-year-olds who don't give a crap and just play on their phones. then you could go to the wedding and get your $50, i feel like more information on this regard is needed before it is decided who should apologize

thereader19 avatar
TheReader19
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who here remembers the old days, when you went to a wedding with YOUR kids; you looked after them yourselves?

dmarsh avatar
Daniel Marsh
Community Member
2 years ago

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Can we stop with the attacks on individuals. Yes, this seems like a Bridezilla, but bullying via viral hatred has to stop!

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Marcellus II
Community Member
2 years ago

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They can hire another sitter or two they trick (by not mentioning the "40"), for a modest amount of money... of all the solvable wedding "disasters", this is about the most trivial to solve.

321555 avatar
Mark and Elmo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry, but her brother and his future wife did say that they didn't have enough to get a new babysitter.

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Alloydog
Community Member
2 years ago

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I didn't read beyond the title of this because I really don't like these "So-and-so did this and that person didn't like it and they got all snotty to each other" type of thing. Buuuuuut..... I just had to chip in with that once I was at the wedding of a friend of the Mrs', when I ended up looking after the creche of about a dozen under tens. It was great, we watched The Emperor's New Groove on the projector screen, had fizzy drinks, popcorn and crisps. The kids were angels. Outside, the grown-ups were getting drunk and from what I heard, it was quite boring.

sarahc_1 avatar
Sarah C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a huge difference between 'about a dozen' and 40 children.

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Mari
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ridiculous! A slibing not invited to a wedding? That's just cruel. And she has to babysit for 40 childeren! That's just mad. I hope your brother opens his eyes and understands what of person Emily is. He can be ashamed too for his own behaviour towards his sister.

sassyandclassy avatar
classbag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

40 CHILDREN. That's not even safe or reasonable. What the everloving...

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james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope, you are not the asshole. What I don't understand is why would the fiance need a child care type service if children aren't invited to the wedding. And seriously who the f**k considers a 20yo a child. Sounds like Emily is just making excuses to get rid of you. I would honestly stand my ground and not even go to the wedding. Your brother, Emily and your family that's pissed at you are the assholes here.

info_884 avatar
Alex Bailey
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you - that's exactly the problem I was having with this story. All these people aren't supposed to be bringing their children. 20 is not a child and if she is considered one why on earth do they want a child looking after other children. Two people with 40 children is way too many anyway - that's extremely unfair. I'd not want to go at all.

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juliajuhas avatar
JuJu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nate should have a good look at his to-be-bride and reconsider his options. I hope his sister will be there when he gets divorced.

janealexander37 avatar
Jane Alexander
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope it doesn't come to that, Hope he'll take a good look and back out before he needs a divorce.

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saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Additional context from the thread itself: the kids ages are between 2-12 years old. OPs boyfriend would have to look after *all 40 (potentially) of them by himself* for 15 minutes while OP attends the ceremony itself. They've been engaged for less than 3 months. It's OPs mother who is blowing up her phone because she LOVES Emily. OPs siblings disagree with Emily, but want OP to concede for Nate's sake. Personally at this point I think Nate is being a coward and doesn't want to admit he's made a partner choice error.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did the thread say anything about how the OP's boyfriend felt about this? He's 20 years old, and if you ask the average 20 year old straight male to babysit 40 kids he'd either refuse, or shoot himself in the foot.

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Faith Hurst-Bilinski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Babysitting 40 kids at a wedding is nowhere near the same as teaching and will not prepare you for it. Signed, veteran teacher of 25 years who would not even consider doing this.

cherylzandt avatar
Cheryl Zandt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes to everyone saying nta, and PS no way would any parent I can think of be ok with dropping their kid/s off in a giant playgroup with a 1/20 ratio. That's not just unpleasant (for the kids too), it's unsafe!

donotreplytokjk avatar
yvonnedauwalderbalsiger avatar
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So they invited a ton of 'adult' guests or there wouldn't be 40 kids. Not everyone has kids, not everyone is going to travel to a wedding with kids in tow. (I'm assuming they didn't invite the Duggar family.) They can absolutely afford to pay 300 bucks to look after them. Hell, they should have hired some professional baby-sitters, because what if she or her boyfriend got sick and couldn't attend anyway? This is a problem of her and SIL not getting along due to personality clashes, this is the hill the SIL wants to die on and for some reason, the rest of the family is bothering the wrong person.

chuckycheezburger avatar
Chucky Cheezburger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like everyone is an a$$hole here except for the OP and her Bf...Nate for volunteering OP to babysit, Emily for thinking that anyone under 21 is a child *unless* they are going to be babysitting 40 kids for peanuts..(actually surprised they offered anything for the job) and the rest of OPs family for thinking she's in the wrong...Why doesnt one of the folks who says she should babysit do it themselves? It sucks that she will miss the wedding and sucks more because OP and her brother grew apart. But part of what makes life bearable is setting boundaries, and OP has set them. Sometimes you have to take of yourself, everyone else be damned.

birgitgeig_ avatar
Marik
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They expect the two of them to wach 40 children for 6h with a payment of 50$ each ... that would be round about 0,82$/h per child?! And them they're pissed to be declined that "generous" offer/chance? - most definitly NTA

biba_yu avatar
Biba Little
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is easy, her brother and his bride to be are horrible persons and she should not take huge responsibility to take care of 40 children for so little money or any money at all. To struck someone with such responsibility while at the same time not to invite them to a wedding as close family member is too cruel and offensive.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to wonder if the bride used 21 as a cut-off age in order to avoid inviting the OP.

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moths avatar
rabbitsrabbit
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since in the SIL's eyes, OP is a child, OP should go but not to babysit - she should be babysat. :D

chabot0310 avatar
Miguel justino C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well Nate can go through life knowing his balls will always be warm tucked away in her purse!

cmuraspunk avatar
Alphabet Soupy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Recently a family friend asked me invited me to her wedding “not as a guest, but to take pictures” also asking for them to be photoshopped. I was previously roped into doing a large family photo shoot which they paid with a dinner at a tex-mex restaurant, so I declined bc I don’t shoot events, have never shot a wedding, don’t have an assistant, nor professional equipment, and have never used photoshop. I may have been rude bc I also told her i wouldn’t invite her to my wedding as a caterer but not as a guest. She was quiet the rest of the night but I’m DONE giving away my services.

tamrastiffler avatar
Tamra Stiffler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTH happens to some people when planning a wedding? Does the event turn people into gigantic assholes, or does it just enhance pre-existing asshole-ness?

jjjaaaa avatar
Anna Nowak
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The law in my country says that one sitter can't take care of more than 8 kids under 3. And two unqualified 20 year olds are supposed to provide good care for 40 children and keep them safe? Thay's just insane. If I were any of those kids parent I would never agree to leave them under that kind of care.

nonotalways avatar
Bryn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was paid to babysit kids during a wedding. There were maybe 15 kids at max, ages 5 - 13. I was paid around 350 for the ceremony. Expecting someone, especially THE GROOM"S SISTER to do it for 100 for 40 kids is crazy. this should tell you something about the "bride" that they won't let their husband's sister attend.

cecibenve avatar
There Is No Planet B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do they even need to have baby sitting at the event? Can't the parents arrange their own? That's the way everyone I know has done it at all the adults-only weddings I've been

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the guests were not told that their children were not welcome for all activities. They were invited I'd say (if a true story), but the bride is blindsiding them when they arrive. Who's in on the bet those couples would turn around and leave (with their gift) one minute after arriving?

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darkdorkychick1778 avatar
chrissy goodman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i had a child free wedding however wen i say child free i mean like 5 and younger. i kno a child wouldnt want to b at a wedding for 5 or 6 hours with nothing to do. plus it was during covid and new york didnt allow dancing at weddings so they couldnt have fun doing that we had the tradition dances and ppl dance by their tables but thats it. my flower girl was 5 and the youngest there but i made sure she had plenty to do and she had a blast. the thing is our friends all have babies if we let the babies come they wouldnt get to enjoy themselves. we let the children come to the engagement party and bridal shower so they were included in some way. but making child free under 21 is ridiculous u r basically turning ur wedding into a 21 and older club at that point. it also leaves out family members i went to a wedding like that and during cocktail hour alot of gossip going around about how the bride and grooms families were very upset with them bc alot of cousins neices and nephews werent allowes to come. the worst part they had a perfect choice for flower girl and ring bearer but wat did they do their 2 dogs were the flower girl and ring bearer. the brides sister was furious with her bc her sisters daughter and son got replaced by dogs. as cute as it was i cut ties with that friend bc she backstabbed her own sister. her neice and nephew were supposed to b part of the ceremony then afterwards brought home to b with the babysitter but nope the bride changed the plans the day before the wedding. ppl who do 21 and older weddings dont realize it hurts family members if they have younger the 21 family.

chabot0310 avatar
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WalksAroundMountains
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dear, don't sweat it. You'll be invited and welcome at his next wedding: those two won't last 2 years.

marshafredell avatar
Lovin' Life
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not the type to be so negative or down on anyone but this brother and his fiance are the worst. They just want to use you. You weren't going to get to even go to their wedding because you are a " child" but it's ok to think you and your BF can keep 40 kids for six hours for a very insufficient amount of money. No! Hell no!!!

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sibling begs to attend brother's wedding, is over 18 (the legal age in the US at least for "adult" status), aned then is told ot babysit for bubkes for FORTY kids? Oh hail no. Emily pushed it to keep the girl from attending the reception/wedding. Prob feels threatened. The fact Bro doesn't react/act? Doesn't speak too well of him, either. (40 kids? That's a daycare, not babysitting!)

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anybody under 21 is a child that can't behave at a wedding?? What kind of world is the bride living in. And, no, you cannot watch 40 children with just two adults. that is not only insane it is simply dangerous. Who in theri right mind would demand that? And why do I keep reading about these bat-sh*t crazy people in boredpanda? Where do they all come from???

laurencaswell4 avatar
Lauren Caswell
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Normal height 8577 (last comment above) is spot on. Funny how this job she's so needed for has only eventuated after she spoke up about not being invited

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Admittedly I'm not a child person, but is 2 people babysitting 40 children for 6 hours even possible? Never mind the money, I just can't imagine how this is supposed to work in the first place.

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, first 20 years old is excluded from brother's wedding because it's child-free. Then, 20 years old is supposed to babysit 40 children - at child-free wedding. So it's a child-free wedding, but with children. What the hell.

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is his sister not part of the wedding party? When my friend got married they were in their mid twenties and had the grooms 17 year old half sister as a bridesmaid even though she and the bride weren't particularly close. It just would have seems wrong not to include his only sister. Like one of the posts comments said, at least she can be at his next wedding, this one is NOT going to last.

katietrondsen avatar
kit kat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

40 is A LOT of kids to watch for jist two people. Your sil is nuts for thinking that was an acceptable and safe way to watch kids. Everyone sounds like an asshole in this story

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bride considers 20 a child for one reason and one reason only and that is to exclude the OP because she doesn't like her. When that didn't work, she came up with this babysitting nonsense. She is not being the asshole, but her family, her brother, and this bridezilla are definitely being one. I hate that this awful woman is causing a rift between OP and her brother. Hopefully everyone eventually opens their eyes and sees what is really going on.

collettejohnson avatar
Meh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having 40 children 2-12 year olds being supervised by only 2 adults is asking for trouble. Accidents, nappies, toilet supervision, general keeping them entertained and safe. It's scary actually. If I was a guest at this wedding there's no way I'd leave my children in that environment. The bride is insane. Hope it all works out well between the brother and sister though.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you’re having a child free wedding, that doesn’t mean you provide daycare for the kids. It certainly doesn’t mean the 20 year old sister and her boyfriend are automatically going to babysit 40 kids for 6 hours and make a measly $50 each. That comes to 21 cents per child per hour. WTF? No, “child free” actually means anyone with children better damn well hire a babysitter and leave the kids HOME if they want to attend. This young woman is definitely NTA. I agree she should just RSVP No, and tell her brother she’ll gladly attend his next wedding. Which will probably take place in a couple years.

bcgrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait, her brother went to bat to allow her, a "child" to attend, but then wants her to watch a bunch of kids, thus missing the wedding? I would point out that it's illegal for a child to be left to mind other children for more than a few hours, and they get paid minimum wager per person, per hour. By each family. Having a child watch 40 kids is just not allowed! Sad that her favorite sibling is dead. She may never see him again until after the divorce, within 5 years...

rweaver-boredpanda avatar
Johnny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't be too upset about missing the wedding, you can always go to his next one, and based on "Emily's" personality and behavior, there will be a next one.

jjjaaaa avatar
Anna Nowak
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aside of everything that was already said, this situation is very dangerous to those children. I have an almost 2yo daughter that goes to daycare. In her group there are 15 children and two sitters. That's

graceandlucy avatar
Grace and Lucy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It could be that Emily created the, no children 20 or younger rule, when she decided that you threaten her relationship with Nate. A typical move for the narcissistic personality. Perfect solution in her childish mind. You are at the wedding yet not really at the wedding. Would not be surprised if she showed up at a friends wedding in a white dress. Unfortunately this is only the beginning of Queen Emily and her turd in the punch bowl rules. NTA

caroline_nagel avatar
Caroline Nagel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And the poor BF, who isn't even related to the groom or bride, has to babysit as well?

armsoftheocean avatar
Franc Esca
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm going to a wedding I'm going to celebrate not to work. No way.

will_fenton avatar
Will Fenton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Putting everything else aside, it is totally unreasonable to expect someone to take responsibility for 40 children (presumably of a range of ages). I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to manage that situation effectively outside of a proper, controlled, childcare setting.

lettersfrommyid avatar
Brenda Owens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they can afford a wedding then the baby sitting should have been included in the package. They have no right to ask you. With this many children they should spring for professional sitters. You are being penalized because you are young and under her assumption will eventually give in. If you truly an adult,you will tell her that you absolutely refuse to do the job under any circumstances. If she continues to act like the children that you're supposed to be baby sitting, then honey that's on child to many. You did the right thing. Do not let yourself be bullied.

rachiepete avatar
Dying Inside Rachel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA I’ve always thought child free weddings where like 12 yrs and up, 21 and up is insane.

c_mayo_1 avatar
RatherLoopy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, this is just ridiculous. A 40-ish kid is old enough not to need a babysitter in the first place.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just leave them in the basement with some online games and snacks and they're unlikely to burn the place down or let strangers into the house or whatever it is 40-year-old kids do to get into trouble.

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Erik Ivan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would refuse to turn up for the wedding, pure and simple. If I am nit wanted, I would never even concider to turn up.

natalybills avatar
VogueGal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your brother Nate and his fiancée Emily are the selfish one here! They don't sound like good people and I'm sorry but it seems that the bond you guys once had is now long gone as a good brother would've stand up for his younger sibling(s) to attend his wedding ceremony and reception with no conditions. That's what family should be, stick together. Emily is just a terrible spoiled human being. You're NTA btw!

loramad avatar
Lora Mad
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so sorry your brother ended up with such a brat for a wife. Sounds like a very spoilt awful egocentric person. I hate bridezillas.

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Kirsti Tuers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This won't be a school like setting with known rules and assigned seats. That's going to be a free for all. Why as the bride is she taking on the responsibility all the sudden as soon as she is allowed at the ceremony. It should be up to each parent to find a sitter. The bride ruined her own wedding. Honestly as a parent I would not want my kids to be dropped off into that sh*tshow

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Marie T
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One point a lot of people haven't mentioned is that this is not just unsafe and completely illogical (20 being a child but then looking after 40 kids). I am quite sure it would technically be illegal. Depending on the age of the kids. my mum ran a beaver scout group and legally you had to have AT LEAST 1 adult for every 6 kids. That is for ages 6-8, for younger kids the ratio is even closer. So unless all the 'kids' attending were teenagers the bride is putting them in potentially huge legal danger as well. If anything happens to one of the kids the bride and groom and the sister and BF could also face civil suits.

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And how does the OP's boyfriend feel about it? Most 20 year old straight men would rather die or shoot themselves in the foot, and it's not like the OP can just volunteer his services. Is he willing? Does he have a close relationship with the OP's brother, or feel any sense of obligation towards the wedding? Has he ever babysat a group of children before? Even if he accepts, will he expect the OP to do all the work? Is he immature enough to get fed up, will he tell the kids "EVERYBODY WANNA CRASH THE RECEPTION???", etc.

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Diane Aguilar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FYI, the follow-up post from OP from 11 months ago for those of you who are curious: "Hello! I didn't go to the wedding, as a babysitter or a guest. Instead, I hung out with my bf and dad. I received apologies from some of my family members and got blocked by Nate and Emily." And FYI, it turns out the OP's mom and her have a strained relationship and her dad wasn't involved in the drama because he and her mom have been divorced a long time.

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Robyn Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It actually sounds like the bride to be had this intention all along knowing OP and her boyfriend love kids and are going into fields dealing with children. She played her hand well there but it is back firing. Stick to your guns OP, NTA

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Janet Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their marriage won’t even last five years. I’m calling it now.

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Shruti Patel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If guests have to attend child free it's their responsibility to keep them in child care. Let them make their own arrangements. Op Tell your brother a child is if they are under 10. Children free wedding is a stupid concept as they are the ones who are really happy and excited about functions . For most of adults it's a duty to attend.

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Kylli Anttila
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My life principle: If me exercising my RIGHTS ruin your day/life, too bad sorry not sorry. Entitled people are really good at confusing their wants with your obligations.

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Jaybird3939
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like Emily is jealous of your close (or used to be close) relationship with your brother. She's creating a conflict to make you look bad and exclude you from the wedding. Your brother agreeing to this little deal without checking with you is the first cut. As someone else said, start out as you mean to go on. I hope you'll get close again to your brother after the divorce. Tell your family if they need a wedding babysitter, to hire one. Then they'll find out $50 is piddly for that kind of work.

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Lin B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA but your brother has become one for letting his fiancé treat you this way.

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Carney
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would urge you to talk seriously with your brother and warn him that his soon-to-be wife is not the person he might think she is and that he might want to rethink this entire marriage. BUT then he is acting as much of an a-hole as she, so perhaps she is exactly what he deserves. What entitled, nasty and graceless people.

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Keith O
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your brother is making a HUGE mistake. He had to "convince" her to "allow" you to be at your own brother's wedding ceremony? Just......the level of wow here is incredible. NTA at all. If your brother can't see what a huge bitch his future wife is now, there is no hope for your future relationship with him.

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Pacifico Fernandez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ok those fake posts always have the same pattern. Sibling 1 asks Sibling 2 a ridiculous thing, then they refuse all the family is on the side of sibling 1 and everyone is calling/texting. Also, they thing they might be TA for something super innocent. And the wording is always similar. I call fake. And most of reddit is fake.

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Girlyfish66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think I'd leave my kids for six hours with 2 people who were watching 39 other kids. And I don't have kids!

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Léandre Merceron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the groom is 20 ans she doesn't want "kids" under 21??.............

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Bonnie Edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This bride is completely out of line. 1. It would have to be a pretty compelling reason for me to not attend my brothers wedding. And a loving brother would want me there. 2. If you're old enough to get married yourself, I'm pretty sure most countries would consider you an adult. 3. Every child care establishment in my country has a legal ratio of one adult per (max) 6 children. 2 adults to 40 children is way out of balance. And that pay is insulting. That said, I have happily wrangled up to 4 children at a time for family events, for free. That said... any child that gets hurt, or puts a sticky handprint on someones outfit, or damages something... the bride would totally use that as a weapon against OP in the future, AND claim it ruined her wedding. The woman needs a reality check.

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Susie Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP should be rightly pissed off for being chartered as a babysitter instead of a proper guest at her brother's wedding. This is a pity-invite, like "fine you can come, you can watch other people's kids". What the actual heck. And her brother needs to step up and say something.

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Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having two people babysit 40 kids is a completely unreasonable expectation. Wonder how many of the parents of these kids know that only two unprofessionals are watching 40 kids. The number of entitled brides I keep hearing about is staggering! The brother should have insisted that his sister be included in the ceremony and reception. Instead he decided to co-sign his fiancées bs.

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Sarah Bell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never before hear of a wedding that offered child care. Especially for 6 hours! Nope not the ass home. He is the one that doesn't want to work it out with you. He should have asked oand offered to pay you. I feel like he probably didn't tell her that you would. I think she decided do tell you to do it and your brother took the heat to try and get you do it because he know of it wad her idea then you definitely wouldn't go along with it. Your family is bending over backward to accommodate him at your expense. I get not wanting to take sides and wanting to make sure that he has a good wedding but they should want you to be comfortable too. I bet they didn't even bat an eye when they said you couldn't even attend because your not an adult. She picked 21 because you are 20. If iyou were 21 it would be 22. They arw not responsible for the guests children. If they want to make it child free that's fine as long as they realize that some people may decline because they won't have a sitter or can't afford a sitter.

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Sarah Bell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys sorry for the spelling. My auto correct is aggressive and it won't let me edit.

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The Cute Cat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude.. That is the weirdest thing I ever heard about a wedding. That bride lady is way too insane .

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Cammy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would tell the SIL where to shove it, and say to her well I'm not even invited since I'm technically a "child" so you cant expect a "child" to babysit 40 children. I would not even go to the wedding after being treat like that either. I hope the brother can see what his finance is really like before marrying her and hope the relationship between the siblings heals.

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Cammy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would tell SIL where to shove it and say well im 20 im not even aloud at the wedding cause im still technically a "child" in her eyes. And if its meant to be a child free wedding why are the kids there in the first place. I hope the brother can see what a horrible person his fiancé is before they actually marry. Definitely not the arsehole.

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Azure Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THe fact that your family is supporting this insanity is really alarming. STick to your guns and set boundaries fast. You are not an asshole and your brother is an idiot! His future wife is a real "see you next tuesday" and he is happy to be her doormat. Go on with your life and separate yourself from them.

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Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People come and go in life. Even close siblings. Since the brother is clearly getting on board with a wife of questionable character, I would just limit our interaction from then on, to avoid unnecessary expectations and drama. From experience this is for the better.

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Ola Pe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apart from the whole situation of ridiculous expectations towards the girl and her boyfriend, why would people bring kids to a child-free wedding? Isn’t it parents’ job to hire a babysitter to look after their kids?

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snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You lost me at "my brother had to convince his gf to have me for ceremony". That train left long time ago, it's not family anymore you were just left out of that information. I'm sorry.

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Ken Hanlon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are there so many stories about bat s**t crazy brides? Are these women just crazy all the time or does getting married turn them into nut jobs?

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Hiba El-rayah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a minute, so teenagers are supposed to sit with infants? Isn't that an insult?

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bill marsano
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor Nate is going to end up a miserable henpecked husband. You are NOT the A. They are.

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Seedy Vine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So if it's a child-free wedding, why are 40 babies invited?

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Raphael48
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were the sister, and was excluded from the wedding, on the day of the wedding itself I would post over every social media forum I could find that my brother's wife wanted me at her wedding so badly that she tried to pay me and BF to be there. Of course, we told her we were not for rent or hire. Then I would ask the question "How pathetic is she that she has to pay people to come to her wedding." And then I would laugh myself to pieces while enjoying my unannounced Caribbean vacation. But, then I'm a petty old lady who enjoys revenge...

emmagee avatar
Emma Gee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my brother pulled this s**t I wouldn't go to the wedding n we are very very close. Hell no. Not the asshole.

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Chloe *Leah* Pheonix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry but 40 kids for 2 people for 6 hours for 50 bucks doesnt add up. If anything it's Emily who's the greedy one. Shes calling you greedy while also only offering you a poor amount of money for the job. And then she rambles on to tell you that you should be the one paying her! Shes the greedy money hog here!

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Jason Truscott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

TBH anyone planning a childfree wedding is already an a..hole. Children are part our lives. This is real life not a vacuous glossy magazine photo shoot! The only reason you could be called an a..hole is because you didn't help you brother get rid of this poisonous person from his life.

lizbeth-martin1992 avatar
Liz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah yes another fake AITA. I swear, that whole subreddit is 98.2% made up BS for upvotes.

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Lady of the Mountains
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

uhhh wait so how old are these children if 21 is the cuffoff? you could find yourself with a bunch of 15-year-olds who don't give a crap and just play on their phones. then you could go to the wedding and get your $50, i feel like more information on this regard is needed before it is decided who should apologize

thereader19 avatar
TheReader19
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who here remembers the old days, when you went to a wedding with YOUR kids; you looked after them yourselves?

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Daniel Marsh
Community Member
2 years ago

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Can we stop with the attacks on individuals. Yes, this seems like a Bridezilla, but bullying via viral hatred has to stop!

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Marcellus II
Community Member
2 years ago

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They can hire another sitter or two they trick (by not mentioning the "40"), for a modest amount of money... of all the solvable wedding "disasters", this is about the most trivial to solve.

321555 avatar
Mark and Elmo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry, but her brother and his future wife did say that they didn't have enough to get a new babysitter.

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Alloydog
Community Member
2 years ago

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I didn't read beyond the title of this because I really don't like these "So-and-so did this and that person didn't like it and they got all snotty to each other" type of thing. Buuuuuut..... I just had to chip in with that once I was at the wedding of a friend of the Mrs', when I ended up looking after the creche of about a dozen under tens. It was great, we watched The Emperor's New Groove on the projector screen, had fizzy drinks, popcorn and crisps. The kids were angels. Outside, the grown-ups were getting drunk and from what I heard, it was quite boring.

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Sarah C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a huge difference between 'about a dozen' and 40 children.

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