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“My Father Never Paid Child Support”: Grandparents Learn Their Son Basically Abandoned His Daughter, Teach Him A Lesson
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“My Father Never Paid Child Support”: Grandparents Learn Their Son Basically Abandoned His Daughter, Teach Him A Lesson

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‘Happily ever after’ may look great in the pages of a fairytale, but it’s not always how the real world works. Unfortunately. Good, strong, healthy, and long-lasting relationships can and do exist. However, not all relationships work out. This can lead to messy divorces that leave a trail of emotional fallout over decades. In some of the worst-case scenarios, some parents choose to abandon their spouse and kids to fend for themselves. If the parent you’re left with has a stable income, things might not be as bad, though the hurt still remains.

Redditor u/Dull-Handle-7586, who’s planning on getting married soon, shared a riveting tale about her family. Specifically, about her estranged father and how he reacted after realizing that he’d lose a ton of money because he’d never told his parents about the fact that he had her as a daughter.

The author of the story explained how her grandparents finally found out that she exists and were absolutely livid that their son, her father, never decided to share this information. As a result, they decided to give her a gift to cover all of the child support and education that he should have paid, had he been there. A gift that came straight out of his trust fund. You’ll find the full story in the OP’s own words, as well as how the AITA community reacted to it below, so be sure to read on, Pandas.

The author of the viral post, redditor u/Dull-Handle-7586, was kind enough to share some of her thoughts with Bored Panda. She told us that she was amazed by all of the positive comments that she got on Reddit. “I thought I was going to come off as greedy. The way people reacted helped settle in my mind that I did the right thing accepting the money. I think that there are a lot of single parents and children of divorce that were not lucky enough to have the solid support system and resources that my mother and I had. So when they read about the rare case where something positive came from a breakup they rejoice,” she said.

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A woman’s paternal grandparents only recently learned that she exists

Image credits: FORMAT arw (not the actual photo)

To make up for her estranged father’s actions, they decided to give her a gift… straight out of his trust fund. Here’s the story, in full

Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

The author of the post clarified a few things for the AITA community in a couple of updates

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Image credits: Dull-Handle-7586

The author of the post also told Bored Panda a bit about the scholarship that she helped set up. “Mine and my mother’s field of work is very rewarding on an emotional and professional level, but not necessarily remunerative. I hope that by offering the incentive of a scholarship we can find more people to carry on her work and research,” she said.

“I was blessed to have a maternal family that is financially stable. It can be difficult to think of others when you are worried about your next rent check or meal. That being said, there are many opportunities for people to donate their time and labor if money isn’t something they can give,” she shared that one can be charitable in various ways, not just by donating money.

“My grandparents seem like lovely people and my half-siblings are very mature and responsible young people. I hope to travel to the UK with my husband to learn more about them and that side of my family when time permits.”

The author of the post shared that she and her husband went to Colombia for their honeymoon. “It is a beautiful and tragic place. They are clawing their way out of a terrible situation and doing it with grace and joy. The cities we visited were vibrant and full of young people striving to succeed in a whole new world compared to the city my mom’s friend Carlos left,” she opened up.

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“We visited Bogota, Medellin, Cartagena, Cali, and Popayan. The city of Medellin in particular had made incredible strides to overcome the years of violence and crime they experienced under the narco cartels. I hope that people start to visit and invest in the country as we feel that they have incredible potential as both a tourist destination and economic engine for that area of the globe.”

The OP made it clear that she didn’t really need the money because “we are decidedly upper middle class here.” Nonetheless, she decided to keep the funds. In one of the updates to her story, she decided that, together with her mom, she’ll set up a scholarship for people who want to go into her field of study.

The redditor’s estranged father was mad that his own parents decided to use his trust fund for this. He got in contact with the OP and told her that “his current wife and children will be negatively affected if I don’t give him back this money.” The AITA community was overwhelmingly in support of the redditor. They felt that she definitely deserved the money. They also stressed the fact that it’s not her father’s money but rather her grandparents’; thus, they can do with it what they want.

Being generous with your time, energy, and resources can actually make you happier. Human beings are hardwired for socializing with others. What’s more, when we give someone a gift, our brains tend to reward us in pretty much the same way as when we receive one ourselves. Being altruistic and being an active member of our community, whether you’re incredibly well off or barely getting by, is one of the key things that improve our quality of life.

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“If you think about it human beings are social species, we evolved to live in groups so working together and doing things to help each other is the social glue that keeps us together,” Vanessa King, the Head of Psychology at ‘Action for Happiness,’ told Bored Panda during an earlier interview.

“Small daily actions one at a time can help us to make altruism a lifetime habit. You could start out small by deciding you are going to smile at everyone you meet or pay three people a compliment today. You can give money to charity, donate to a food bank, or volunteer your time over Christmas. You can leave a food package or a note for an elderly neighbor. All of these actions help others and boost your own happiness and if we are happier, research shows we are even more likely to help others.”

Some people, however, do kind things only for the praise and attention they receive. But King, from AfH, said that we shouldn’t worry too much about it. “You will find that doing things for others helps you feel good when you see people’s responses. Once you see the difference you can make in the world and to your own happiness, altruism can grow naturally.”

The OP shared a few more thoughts and details down in the comments as well

Here’s what the internet thought about what the grandparents did


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laura_ketteridge avatar
Laura Ketteridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry about the father, but congratulations on having wonderful grandparents!

ariawhitaker avatar
Aria Whitaker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just love stand-up people! Instead of defending him, dismissing her, or ignoring it all...they stepped up in a glorious way! She is lucky to have moral, upstanding grandparents, it could have easily gone a very different direction. The wealthy usually have more than enough to cover up misdeeds.

Load More Replies...
artbound7 avatar
Shannon Stephens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She shouldn't give it back it was her dad's decision to just walk away from his baby and not take any responsibility. The fact that his parents held him accountable is what a good parent should do even if the child is s grown adult.

colintimp avatar
Colin Timp
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Out of his yearly draw." Meaning that 18 years' support and college doesn't even equal 1 year of the allowance from the fund. What a baby this guy is. Boo hoo for him.

rmullins729 avatar
Rebecca Mullins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I assumed it meant that the amount he would receive annually from here on out would be drastically less.

Load More Replies...
emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're father is getting what he richly deserves (no pun intended.) If you really want to stick a thorn in his side, invite him to the wedding and then put him next to his parents and where the only thing he gets to see all day is your mother and her "friend."

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the apple fell far from that tree! His parents sound wonderful but he sounds, well, the opposite.

miahlee avatar
Miah Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s almost like they knew their son was capable of this kinda thing, to up and just do all of this. Good on them for it.

leslieagostino avatar
Leslie Agostino
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love your grandparents. Both sets. Your "father" can pound sand since it wasn't his money in the first place. It was his parents to do with as they pleased. This was money he owed you/your mom anyway. Use it for your wedding and have a blast of a honeymoon

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simply put: the biological "father" (and I use the term loosely), did not give the OP the money. The grandparents did. The OP is free to do with the money what they want, but should consider that it was the grandparents' decision that the money not go to the biological ... progenitor? I would not give that person the money. They don't deserve it, and it would undo the decision of the very kind grandparents.

zeljkoklaric78_1 avatar
Bernd Herbert
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t know what a trust fund is. Sounds great though…where can get one?

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the UK, its a way of giving a living relative like a child a whole wodge of cash, I think tax free, with terms and limits on when they can access it. There is actually a national scheme where the Government gives each child £250 into a trust fund (now an ISA -another tax free thing), and parents can add money to it each year, currently up to a limit of £9000 a year (!). Your tax free gifting allowance otherwise is £3000 per year. You can just give a huge amount of money to someone but you have to live for seven years afterwards - if you die within that time, the person you gave the money to has to pay tax on it.

Load More Replies...
dakotaball avatar
Kota Ball
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else want to know what OP's mom works doing? Or is that just the nerd in me?

bluemom2017 avatar
Pamela Blue
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take the money and start a charitable foundation to help others. Whatever you do, don't give it back, or you might really upset your grandparents. If you don't need it, use it for something good.

alisonreddick avatar
AliJanx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Spend it however you want. Enjoy your life! Congrats on the wedding and the newly met grandparents.

rix_1 avatar
Arenite
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your grands are damn good people. How did they manage to raise such a loser son?

lisachambers2018 avatar
Salty Wild Hair
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ITs a wedding gift. And he wants you to give it him, not back. Tell him to take it up with the trust fund manager and to leave you alone, you know like he has done his whole life?

jyisaacson avatar
Yochi Isaacson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This may be childish, but I think she should take out a publication or billboard announcing that this douchebag has been harassing her for the money he's owed her for decades and robbed her of relationships with his parents because of his narcissistic actions.

laugh avatar
Laugh or not
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a shame the OP never knew her grandparents growing up, because they sounds like decent, good people. At least it is not too late to have them in her life.

ralphvalencia avatar
Ralph Valencia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for her. Trust funds are for weaklings, yet somehow every trust fund baby acts like they are the big boss around. I would never set a trust fund that would release my child from any responsibility or effort. Need monetary help. Set me up a business plan and ill support them. Get a job otherwise.

roserosee avatar
Rosie Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And that's how you do it folks. Bravos for the grandparents, her mom and her mom's parents. The dad should have been a father and paid for his child, not to mention how do you make a person and just walk away from them? Don't you wonder what they are doing, what things they like, what quirks you share. NTA by a country mile.

stanflouride avatar
Stannous Flouride
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just want to say, the first woman I ever had sex with (in Jasper, Alberta in 1967) was very much an Alberta and I can attest that she had ABSOLUTELY no rough edges. Very nice smooth skin and lovely curves as I recall.

qinwudi avatar
Qin WuDi
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Its hard to walk away from your children but judges finding against men 97 1/2% time and then doing willful blindness 9f the womans parentale alination so his buddies in the law society get lots of billable hours and the kids have been taught to throughly hate you over the years, why stay and be a slave?? Thats why left the country and my kids are completely brain washed and hate me, however the lawyers kid drives a BMW.

dakotaball avatar
Kota Ball
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly side with fathers quite often but...not you bro. Guarantee you are leaving a LOT out of this story. And here's a secret: sometimes the kids deserve to hate the other parent in a divorce/custody split because the other parent is a toxic human being and just because they are related by blood means absolutely nothing. Idk how old your kids are, but when they are old enough to make truly independent choices maybe you'll see the light (like my dad did, and now we have a beautiful relationship and have for almost 10 years)

Load More Replies...
laura_ketteridge avatar
Laura Ketteridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry about the father, but congratulations on having wonderful grandparents!

ariawhitaker avatar
Aria Whitaker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just love stand-up people! Instead of defending him, dismissing her, or ignoring it all...they stepped up in a glorious way! She is lucky to have moral, upstanding grandparents, it could have easily gone a very different direction. The wealthy usually have more than enough to cover up misdeeds.

Load More Replies...
artbound7 avatar
Shannon Stephens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She shouldn't give it back it was her dad's decision to just walk away from his baby and not take any responsibility. The fact that his parents held him accountable is what a good parent should do even if the child is s grown adult.

colintimp avatar
Colin Timp
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Out of his yearly draw." Meaning that 18 years' support and college doesn't even equal 1 year of the allowance from the fund. What a baby this guy is. Boo hoo for him.

rmullins729 avatar
Rebecca Mullins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I assumed it meant that the amount he would receive annually from here on out would be drastically less.

Load More Replies...
emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're father is getting what he richly deserves (no pun intended.) If you really want to stick a thorn in his side, invite him to the wedding and then put him next to his parents and where the only thing he gets to see all day is your mother and her "friend."

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the apple fell far from that tree! His parents sound wonderful but he sounds, well, the opposite.

miahlee avatar
Miah Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s almost like they knew their son was capable of this kinda thing, to up and just do all of this. Good on them for it.

leslieagostino avatar
Leslie Agostino
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love your grandparents. Both sets. Your "father" can pound sand since it wasn't his money in the first place. It was his parents to do with as they pleased. This was money he owed you/your mom anyway. Use it for your wedding and have a blast of a honeymoon

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simply put: the biological "father" (and I use the term loosely), did not give the OP the money. The grandparents did. The OP is free to do with the money what they want, but should consider that it was the grandparents' decision that the money not go to the biological ... progenitor? I would not give that person the money. They don't deserve it, and it would undo the decision of the very kind grandparents.

zeljkoklaric78_1 avatar
Bernd Herbert
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t know what a trust fund is. Sounds great though…where can get one?

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the UK, its a way of giving a living relative like a child a whole wodge of cash, I think tax free, with terms and limits on when they can access it. There is actually a national scheme where the Government gives each child £250 into a trust fund (now an ISA -another tax free thing), and parents can add money to it each year, currently up to a limit of £9000 a year (!). Your tax free gifting allowance otherwise is £3000 per year. You can just give a huge amount of money to someone but you have to live for seven years afterwards - if you die within that time, the person you gave the money to has to pay tax on it.

Load More Replies...
dakotaball avatar
Kota Ball
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else want to know what OP's mom works doing? Or is that just the nerd in me?

bluemom2017 avatar
Pamela Blue
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take the money and start a charitable foundation to help others. Whatever you do, don't give it back, or you might really upset your grandparents. If you don't need it, use it for something good.

alisonreddick avatar
AliJanx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Spend it however you want. Enjoy your life! Congrats on the wedding and the newly met grandparents.

rix_1 avatar
Arenite
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your grands are damn good people. How did they manage to raise such a loser son?

lisachambers2018 avatar
Salty Wild Hair
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ITs a wedding gift. And he wants you to give it him, not back. Tell him to take it up with the trust fund manager and to leave you alone, you know like he has done his whole life?

jyisaacson avatar
Yochi Isaacson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This may be childish, but I think she should take out a publication or billboard announcing that this douchebag has been harassing her for the money he's owed her for decades and robbed her of relationships with his parents because of his narcissistic actions.

laugh avatar
Laugh or not
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a shame the OP never knew her grandparents growing up, because they sounds like decent, good people. At least it is not too late to have them in her life.

ralphvalencia avatar
Ralph Valencia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for her. Trust funds are for weaklings, yet somehow every trust fund baby acts like they are the big boss around. I would never set a trust fund that would release my child from any responsibility or effort. Need monetary help. Set me up a business plan and ill support them. Get a job otherwise.

roserosee avatar
Rosie Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And that's how you do it folks. Bravos for the grandparents, her mom and her mom's parents. The dad should have been a father and paid for his child, not to mention how do you make a person and just walk away from them? Don't you wonder what they are doing, what things they like, what quirks you share. NTA by a country mile.

stanflouride avatar
Stannous Flouride
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just want to say, the first woman I ever had sex with (in Jasper, Alberta in 1967) was very much an Alberta and I can attest that she had ABSOLUTELY no rough edges. Very nice smooth skin and lovely curves as I recall.

qinwudi avatar
Qin WuDi
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Its hard to walk away from your children but judges finding against men 97 1/2% time and then doing willful blindness 9f the womans parentale alination so his buddies in the law society get lots of billable hours and the kids have been taught to throughly hate you over the years, why stay and be a slave?? Thats why left the country and my kids are completely brain washed and hate me, however the lawyers kid drives a BMW.

dakotaball avatar
Kota Ball
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly side with fathers quite often but...not you bro. Guarantee you are leaving a LOT out of this story. And here's a secret: sometimes the kids deserve to hate the other parent in a divorce/custody split because the other parent is a toxic human being and just because they are related by blood means absolutely nothing. Idk how old your kids are, but when they are old enough to make truly independent choices maybe you'll see the light (like my dad did, and now we have a beautiful relationship and have for almost 10 years)

Load More Replies...
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