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Grandma Won’t Babysit Grandson Unless She Gets Paid, Asks The Internet If She Was Being A Jerk
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Grandma Won’t Babysit Grandson Unless She Gets Paid, Asks The Internet If She Was Being A Jerk

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I grew up in a very warm, supportive, and loving family. So for me, it’s difficult to understand how somebody might not want to help a relative in need. Especially if that call for help means that you’ll spend some precious time with your loved ones.

The AITA community over on Reddit had a field day when one user, u/iri_baker67, a grandmother who has a 29-year-old daughter and 1-year-old grandson, asked for their verdict on her behavior. The grandma shared how she refused to babysit her grandson for free and explained why she wanted to charge her own daughter some serious cash for the privilege.

It’s a very frustrating post to read, and many redditors couldn’t believe their eyes. Scroll down for the grandma’s full story. When you’re done reading, let us know in the comments what you think about her actions and reasoning. Do you agree with most redditors that she was way out of line? Or do you think that things aren’t as black and white as they seem?

Bored Panda reached out to have a chat about babysitting with British comedy writer, author, and single mom Ariane Sherine, who has a 10-year-old daughter. “I personally ask relatives and friends to babysit first, as I know and trust them already, and would only then try contacting a professional babysitter if they were unavailable,” she told me what her approach is. “My daughter Lily has an adopted grandad called John who she adores and feels very safe with, so he’s my first point of call. He’s so much fun that Lily is nearly as happy being with him as she is with me.” Ariane has written a wide variety of books, including ‘How to Live to 100,’ and has recently brainstormed a range of funny and witty Christmas merch together with her daughter after she caught the coronavirus. Scroll down for the full interview.

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A grandmother got the AITA community on Reddit all riled up after she explained why she wants her daughter to pay her to babysit

Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)

She was asking for a huge sum of money from her own child for something that most grandparents would be happy to do for free

Image credits: iri_baker67

I was very interested to hear Ariane’s take on the link between age and maturity in kids. Here’s what she had to say to Bored Panda. “I think age and maturity are often linked—my daughter is very mature for age 10, but I’m also a very overprotective mum so I think it’ll be a long time before I’ll be ready to leave her at home alone. Even though it’s Christmas! I’m not Mrs. McCallister,” she quipped, referring to the ‘Home Alone’ films.

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However, the mom noted that she’s been helping her daughter improve her level of independence. “I did help her with her independence by allowing her to go on a school camp retreat last month where I couldn’t speak to her for a week. It was pretty rough for me as I couldn’t contact her for the first time since she was born. She had a great time with her mates though and I’m pretty sure she didn’t miss me at all!” she said.

Ariane also told Bored Panda about how having a kid is a “huge adjustment” for new parents. “It’s hard to get the balance right between work, life, and family. I’m always working hard on some creative project and Lily can get very annoyed if she doesn’t have my full attention! One of the biggest challenges is adjusting your perspective and always putting the child first but also making self-care a close second priority. I don’t know if any parent ever gets it exactly right but the main thing is to try!”

The crux of the Reddit-using grandma’s argument is that she’s “not a daycare” and shouldn’t be doing anything for free because she “has her own life.” In her original post, the redditor wrote that she asked her daughter for 15 dollars per hour, however, she later edited her story to make it 12 dollars per hour. Some redditors thought that the grandma did this to make herself seem less guilty.

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Personally, I think that’s a very cold and calculating way to go through life, but then again, I might be too cuddly and gushy of a Panda myself.

I think that money should only enter these sorts of babysitting situations in purely symbolic terms. Perhaps the grandma could ask for a wholesome cup of tea and a homemade meal as a reward. Or she could juggle her job with spending time with her one and only grandson. Then again, many internet users would probably say that being with your grandchild and helping your own daughter are rewards enough.

While many babysitters often don’t get paid enough and are undervalued by parents, some professionals stand to make quite a bit of money. For instance, a professional nanny revealed to me earlier that she used to get 700 dollars per week, on top of various perks. However, she stressed to Bored Panda the fact that plenty of babysitters have to deal with extremely demanding parents for a low wage.

“I think they [the parents] believe that it’s their child that they are raising the way they want to (which I do agree with, to an extent) and all rules should be blindly followed. But some nannies (like myself) have been in the field for many years and can offer valuable insight and advice, which they are rarely willing to take because parenting is so personal,” the nanny explained that lots of parents are unwilling to listen to any advice, even from a professional. They feel that they always know best.

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“That’s the same reason I believe they often don’t want to offer adequate compensation: it’s personal. They’re (most likely, in my experience) paying you under the table, they’re trying to get a good deal, and they love their child. They don’t think that looking after their ‘precious angel’ is a job; it’s a treat. They would love to be home with their child all day, so I think they feel like it’s not a real job. It’s something you get to do, and they’re mad they have to pay someone to do it,” she told Bored Panda.

“They love their child, they’d do anything for their child. There’s a connection there that someone else could never have, and they can’t imagine not having that connection, so they treat it like it’s not a job, it’s a privilege. The ‘you’re so lucky you get to stay home with my baby while I have to go to work’ mindset, when in reality we leave our families to take care of yours; we don’t want to leave our families in the morning for work any more than you do, but it’s our job.”

Nearly all Reddit users had the same opinion: the grandmother was clearly in the wrong. Here’s what they had to say

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meghanhibicke avatar
Evil Little Thing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody seems to have pointed this out yet, but Grandma was asking for twice the going rate of full-time day care for a toddler. Mom's gross income aside, is Grandma really so much better than a trained, insured facility with sufficient staff, toys, and a playground?

katrina-taylor89 avatar
Kt
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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ngwetzel avatar
Furious George
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know what calculations other people are using, but once insurance and everything is factored in, she would be paying literally ALL of her take home pay. That being said, we don't know what grandma makes. For all we know, she makes $50 an hour and would be seriously impacted by this. Agreed that she should have just said no, it would have been way less damaging in the long run.

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If grandma is leaving a lucrative job to watch the kid, she shouldn't try to make up the difference at the expense of her daughter. She could have politely declined. My god, it's her own daughter and grandchild. What a greedy person! I'm guessing this isn't the first time Mom has put money above her daughter's relationship.

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chrissydormeier avatar
Nunya Business
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She says she "simply cannot work and watch her child at the same time". Then no amount of money can change that. I would withdrawal my request and tell her to piss off.

katrina-taylor89 avatar
Kt
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Well If her daughter paid her a decent wage, she wouldn't have to do her other work. I think that's the point 🙄

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jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she works for a living, I have to assume she needs the money, so yeah, she can't afford to babysit for half the working week for free. So she asked for what she needed and the daughter obviously couldn't afford it. Looking after a kid is hard work, even if it's your grandchild. I don't think parents have an obligation to take care of their children's children. Sure, a lot of people really want to, and enjoy that, but not everybody has to, same way as not everybody wants to be a parent. Maybe the daughter was making unreasonable requests. Either way, the mother should have just politely declined and reiterated her need to have full time paid work.

jenngermain avatar
Jennifer Germain
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a grandmother and work from home, I could not take care of a child that age and work. I need my income, to live... when your parents still work full time you have to understand that. Oh and daycares have several children per worker...

wookiee74 avatar
Chewie Baron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Notice how she calls the child her daughter's son and not her grandchild?

bob-g-mccann avatar
SPQRBob
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Probably because she never approved of her daughter's "baby-daddy" who is (of course) no longer in the picture. Her grandchildren will only come from a stable marriage with a man who meets her standards.

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jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why wouldn't the mother just put her kid in daycare then? The grandmother isn't a jerk for setting her own rates, the daughter asked and the mother set the conditions of what she would be willing to do it for. Yes it is a lot of the mother's income but the grandmother is under no obligation to lower her rates because of her daughter's salary. Daycare cost a fortune and that is an issue that millions of Americans struggle with. They can't afford to stay home and they can't afford child care. Best option is to find a daycare if possible and also see if she qualifies for any discounted rates. There are sometime programs that will help cover the cost of day cares. Honestly though, there should be a lot more resources going towards childcare because the standard is both people working 40 hours a week and even with $22 an hour, you are shelling out a lot of your paycheck to have someone else watch your kids.

annarepp avatar
Anna Repp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are also waiting lines and not all daycare places would take a 1 y.o. - a lot of places start only admitting children when they are 2 or 3.

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vihrastancheva avatar
Vihra Stancheva
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess one day when she can't work or take care of herself she will have to pay her daughter to do that for her.

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should make your own arrangements for your retirement and end of life care instead of just expecting your kids to do it, anyway. I plan for my parents to live with me, but that's my choice, and we're planning for it together. Caring for the elderly is extremely taxing both financially and emotionally. I watched my aunts care for my grandmother at the end of her life without adequate resources or guidance because she made no arrangements, and while we all loved my grandmother dearly, it was a burden she should not have placed on them. Demanding that your kids do it is not fair to them.

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idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why all the YTA verdicts? This is not her kid, not her responsibility. It doesn't matter what the mom makes, it's not relevant. Daycares don't charge on a sliding scale and neither does any other business. There's a whole lot of entitlement going on here.

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of these responses make so many assumptions about how the grandmother feels about her daughter and grandson and are so entitled about making demands of a grandparent's life and time, it makes me feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. It seems like people are gleeful to assume the worst of anyone who doesn't fit into their perfect little box of how the world should look. No one has considered that maybe the grandmother really, really wants to watch her grandson but clearly simply needs to continue to earn a living to survive. Asking for compensation that amounts to a minimum living wage would seem like a compromise, but on Bored Panda, it must mean she's a greedy witch who prioritizes money over family! Maybe the grandmother was a bit clumsy in how she went about it and presented it on Reddit, but jeez, Louise. Let's all grab our pitchforks and believe the absolute worst of people, because only we are perfect!

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michellec0581 avatar
Michelle C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely the asshole here. The average daycare charges roughly $25-30/day per child and you want her to pay you $96. Look family is family and there will be a time when you get older and unless you have the funds saved to pay for care you will have to depend on your daughter. Or just say that you can't do it, but stop with all this I love my grandson business...if you did you wouldn't treat watching him as a chore that required compensation.

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A babysitter does not have the resources or access to grants/ subsidies/ etc. that a daycare center has, and at a daycare center there is more than one carer per child and having more children allows them to scale to charge less. It's not even close to comparable. This comment makes it seem like you don't think babysitters deserve to earn a living wage. $15/hr is less than what all babysitters should make. It is literally a minimum living wage in the US. And as the post said, this grandmother would be losing income that she needs to survive caring for her grandson. Asking for compensation to do something that would take time away from earning the wage you need to survive is not treating it as a chore, even when it's caring for your grandson. It's an unfortunate necessity. Is she supposed to just starve??? And it has no bearing on how much she loves her grandson. You don't have the right to say a stranger doesn't love their grandson based on your assumptions.

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lisaj avatar
Lisa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn that post is a year old, she was given an Asshole verdict. There was NTA posts so it wasn't unanimous, IDK, she wouldn't be able to do her own work cause a 1 year old is pretty demanding of care and attention. Some of YTA responses are kind of asshole themselves, bottomline is she has her own life and is shouldn't be expected to give free childcare because she's a grandma. The daughter should have went to a legit licensed daycare instead of her mother who works from home, except she probably didn't want to pay daycare prices.

sonohrin avatar
Diana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But the thing is that nobody is saying the grandma should work for free... she was an asshole for trying to charge her daughter almost half of her income and for like two days a week. If she doesn't want to take care of her grandchild then that's valid but she is in the wrong for not being honest and set impossible conditions. The responses are not being a d**k, they are just setting the grandma straight for trying to screw her daughter

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dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people who feel awkward about just saying no to their daughter might ask for such a high price to make sure the arrangement doesn't happen. I could see that going gracefully without hurt feelings, maybe, in some family out there, but it seems like most people are reading OP as passive aggressive, not awkward/timid.

annarepp avatar
Anna Repp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because we assume that is she were timid, she's say that in a story. Something along the lines "I don't want to do it, but i'm afraid I'd hurt my daughter's feelings if I said no."

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elisabethharris_1 avatar
Elisabeth Harris
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ehhhh she was an asshole for how she went about it. If I was the daughter I’d have the other set of grandparents baby-sit full time and have her and her husband pay the rate the mom was asking for to the other grandparents instead. It’s one thing if like it was the family plan to have grandparents look after kids before they popped out, but it’s another thing to just expect it especially if you parent still works. You’ve got duel income and that rate is still way cheaper than daycare sucky situation but there it is.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't call her an asshole for pointing out how much money the babysitting would be costing her, a lot of young parents don't really think that end of things out before they ask.

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izabelaizukulikowska avatar
Isabella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To all the people stating, that grandmother should take care of a grandchild if she wants to be taken care by her daughter when she is older and impaired - BIG NO. Your parents done their free work on taking care of you, and you do repay them in taking care with them when they are too old to take care of themselves - this is your freeload of work in family. This do not stretches to grandchildren - they are yours. You take care of them so they will take care of you when you are old. End of story. Stop making your parents your free-labor servants.

lauraedwards avatar
laura edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hate to be a party pooper. Not the ahole. Those are your children. I raised my children. I have also raised my grandchildren off and on for years. I have a job and bills and my own crap going on. I don't need yours as well.

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum is 54, she isn't retirement age. If I wait to have kids till she has retired I could have her live in with me. But because my mum and my partner's mum both have another 15years of working by which time we are over 40yrs old, it's obvious if we want to have grandma as a babysitter they should get paid as they have their own responsibilities and bills to pay. You make your children for you to raise. Not anyone else. You need to handle childcare on top of other responsibilities that come with children. I would never imagine asking my elderly parents to cover 3-4days of childcare if they also still work full time or have to care their own parents or have a life and hobbies. You make as many children as you can take care of! My sister has mil who watches kids 5days a week(since Covid)they pay for food, groceries, 1/3 of electrical and water bills +;other expenses like museums, bus tickets on top of 20eur/hour (mil is ex teacher)

irianmarielaurentwolff avatar
Iriané Marie Laurentwolff
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why not? People tends to believe that elderly relatives are in their ends of their lives and have nothing to do but help for free.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess the pay out is when they do become elderly and dependent, you get to remind your kids who baby sat and have your kids take care of you in your old age. So grandparents help with the grandchildren so that when the time comes and they are dependent, parents pay them back by taking care of them.

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mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ll be the one to say what we’re all thinking but are too progressive to comment. Grandmas should watch kids for free. That’s part of the charm of being one. And if you’re not that kind of person, then just say no and let her get a qualified sitter with credentials for less money. The whole point of being a grandma is to try to get time with the grandbabies.

aliquida avatar
Aliquid
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's an old mindset for grandmothers that spent their lives being a "housewife", and is bored now that she is an "empty-nester". THIS grandmother works, she doesn't have the luxury of free time, she isn't sitting around the house doing jigsaw puzzles and watching soap operas.

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katrina-taylor89 avatar
Kt
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. A lot of entitled young people in the world. If my mum was my child care provider, i would be paying her double what that gran asked for. My mum loves her grandkids, but she has a life and deserves to be compensated for basically becoming a nanny. Babysitting once in a while is different to consistently 2-3 days a week. Also, what will daughter do if she can't go to her mum? Professional childcare could cost a hell of a lot more! Also, why are they having kids if they can't afford childcare? 🤔

izabelaizukulikowska avatar
Isabella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's NTA. Put the child in daycare, or do not make a baby of you cannot afford it. Simple as that. She owes nothing to the daughter in the manner of babysitting - she raised her to be an adult, now she is free do to whatever.

candrasutama avatar
Traveler Mind
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom will literally pay me to leave my kids with her. That's an asian thing.

kaitlynjordan avatar
Kitty Jordan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm the first to say that grandparents aren't free babysitters. That said, you do need to make allowances for family (if they're good family and you like them; no one owes toxic family members anything). Either she could have: politely declined if she didn't want to; explained that she needed to focus on her job in order to remain solvent, so what she would need to charge from her daughter would be too high and she wouldn't feel comfortable asking for $15/hr from her daughter; or make do with $10/hr but tell daughter she needed to arrange a different long-term plan. At some point, this woman will almost certainly need help going to the doctor, being driven places, etc. Imagine if the daughter didn't make allowances for her mother. If she charged $15/hr because her mom was budging into her career time, and naturally she would need to make it up somewhere, right? I imagine Grandma would be crying holy murder.

emmajgarv avatar
Niffler_13
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the 1990s my parents/uncles/aunts paid my grandparents $100 a week to watch us kids during the summer.

ikaakbar avatar
PepsiCoke
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I pay my mother to watch over my kids at the rate of about 35% of my salary and I pay a helper to accompany her so that she doesn't nees to do heavy duty work. So she literally just there to make my husband and I feel comfortable about leaving our kids at home. I will admit that I don't really need my job and just do it because I cannot live the life of SAHM. I don't know about this family's circumstances, but if the baby's father earn sufficient amount of money, I think the grandmother is NTA for demanding 33% of mother's income.

rucha4197 avatar
Rucha Vanarase
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The amount of red flags in the reddit post make me think that she doesn't consider herself a grandma at all.

ceil44 avatar
Celia McReynolds Tinsley
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do not understand why everyone is saying it's grandma's responsibility to be her grandson's babysitter. It's not. Grandma's only responsibility, if she chooses, is to enjoy and spoil her grandson when she chooses. To say grandma doesn't deserve to be taken care of and loved by her daughter when she is no longer able to care for herself is a sad reminder of how selfish our society has become and how so many people believe their parents owe them something once they become adults. If you were blessed to have both of your parents in your life growing up or at least know you can reach out to an estranged parent count yourself lucky. There are a lot of us that would give anything for the opportunity to care for our mom, or dad, because their life wasn't cut short.

annarepp avatar
Anna Repp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a giant AH FFS! I agree with all commenters - just say "no, I cannot do that". The daughter is probably asking for family help out of desperation - they either cannot afford fulltime daycare (in the US a lot of daycare centers demand you pay the full weekly price even if the child is not there 5 days - happened to me.) or maybe there are no daycare places available at the moment - there's waiting lists, especially for 1-y-olds. I can totally see myself not wanting to babysit my grandchildren - I also work from home, run my own business, and do not like children very much. But if that would have been my kiddo struggling, I would totally offer help in finding daycare, maybe driving the kid to and back, and supporting her financially so she can afford that daycare. The daughter needs to disown her mom.

sarafrazer avatar
Sara Frazer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I'm not a daycare" says the lady asking to be paid to supervise children, like, I dunno, *cough cough* A dAyCaRe

mjpolanska avatar
Mean Red B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After returning to work from my maternity leave, my mother was helping with my kid. I was too scared for a daycare and it's working hours didn't match our schedule. I paid my mum as much as I would for the daycare, because she quit hers job to take care of my daughter. But as my mum is "I can't sit one place" person I always had a dinner ready, laundry folded or floors swept. Everyone was happy. Win Win.

janellecollard avatar
Janelle Collard
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA for asking for 1/2 of daughter's$$; NTA for not wanting to babysit when she has her OWN JOB TO DO.

micheldurinx avatar
Marcellus II
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The most galling thing is that she won't be paying taxes on that income, most likely, so likely making the same more or less than her daughter pre-childcare. Get qualified daycare for similar cost, they at least pay taxes.

arnek avatar
Gogamash
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The US is some strange place. In my country, grandparents would even pay themselves to be able to spend time with their grandchildren.

jarocats avatar
J.A. Rogers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Were I the mother, I would not present a counter-offer, nor even discuss the issue; I would start billing the grandmother for every visit -- especially holidays -- at $15 an hour.

pronosticotormentas avatar
Pronostico Tormentas
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait till that lil kid grows up and learn his Gramma was looking through get paid for babysitting him. He'll draw his own conclusions.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What about the grandfather? He around to offer to watch the kid for a lower rate?

bettywood490 avatar
rabbit
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Child care workers should make more money than they do. The amount she is asking for is more than trained child care, but obviously not an amount her daughter can pay. I'm not a mother or a grandmother. I'm an aunt. Several nieces and nephews needed 24 hour care for days or weeks at a time. (not all at once!) I took them in, didn't ask for payment, nor did I expect it. One in-law was upset thinking I was being paid to take care of his kids. Mom explained that that's not how it works in this family. Turns out it was a great move on my part. I'm now great-grandmother age and need some help now and then. The parents and children (now grown) see it as an opportunity to pay me for all the child care. Those who are struggling financially get paid if ask for the help, but they don't expect it.

angelineshalyn avatar
Angeline Shalyn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom used to watch my 2 year old for me like 6 days a week and would have never imagined asking for pay for it .. this is insane

ilinevisagie avatar
Ivy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Watch her child." That's about as impersonal as you can get. She clearly doesn't want to but is hiding behind money as a way out. Sounds like an incredibly selfish and attention seeking woman.

kvonglis avatar
KVong
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she really does work from home that much and can't do anything else while she's working I doubt her daughter would have asked her. This woman should have just said no.

katrina-taylor89 avatar
Kt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol it's cute you think that there aren't entitled people in the world who definitely would expect their parents to give up their lives/time/work to raise their children.

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Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP's seems extremely disconnected from her child, grandchild, and reality too. I imagine after this grandma isn't allowed to see the grandkid much. But that's ok, she has her business to keep her company.

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's a harsh judgment. She needs her business to live. She shouldn't starve just so she can watch her grandchild for free. I feel some people didn't bother either reading or trying to comprehend the whole post.

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Freder
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grandma is a bitch! She obviously doesn't enjoy having a grandchild otherwise she'd do it for free or a reasonable rate, which she isn't proposing.

zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow...just wow! yes, gram's TA here for a few reasons: 1. if she doesn't want to do it & is using this as a way out=TA. 2. if gram works from home i'm sure she isn't tied to her desk/computer for the entire working day; therefore, she could still be working & taking care of 'her daughter's son'=TA. 3. the wage, whether it be $12 or $15 is crazy, especially when she knows wages of daughter would basically be wiped out after taxes, ss, fica, etc. & her desired wage=TA. 4. there is something going on other than just the babysitting issue. in the description it mentions daughter went to some camp for a week and gram missed her but was sure that daughter didn't miss her=TA. sounds like gram either wants daughter to stay home or she is jealous that her time is going to be taken up w/a job, child, etc. & gram is afraid of being left out. if that's the case she needs to address her own insecurities which is also interesting since gram claims to have assisted daughter w/finding independence.

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Susan Elizabeth
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I babysit my grands at no charge, but am being paid in so many wonderful memories for them and for me!

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Kines Tezja
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Some people want to base their family relationships on capitalism. Wow. I bet the grandkid will be delighted when he realises his grandma spends time with him because she is getting paid.

aliquida avatar
Aliquid
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well Grandma has bills to pay... when you live in a capitalist country, you need to play by capitalist rules.

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H Moore
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right. My DILs mum charged, she was retired and did not work, this in holidays....so I did. Free, this is what nanas do. I did work, although partner didn't. At kids birthday she got a game, other nana says oh I won't play it with you, I'm the bad nana, yes I thought to myself, you are.

izabelaizukulikowska avatar
Isabella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe learn a bit more English before you post, huh? because this is gibberish. Also - no, grandmothers do not owe you free childcare. They did their free childcare when they had you.

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Iva Kazalova
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In eastern europe where i’m from a grandmother would lynch her daughter if she sought a babysitter, i am utterly baffled by this post 😡

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm from Eastern Europe, my parents, my partner's parents are all younger than 60, which means they have another ten years to work in their respective careers to earn enough for their retirement, they do not have time to raise my kids, and I can't afford to even pay them. They earn way more than I have ever earned. Also in Eastern Europe, don't know which one you're from, but childcare is free of charge from government, and we get 3years maternity leave, parental support, school bag support. Etc. Now I live in Ireland and it's easy 1200 a month for childcare, minimum wage is 10.20, rent is 2000eur+bill. My nana was great, unfortunately she wasn't able to look after me, bad health. Yet I loved her, but she wasn't able to look after toddler me. She died before I turned 7. So good for you, but there's different life experiences. E

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Aubrie Allen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the asshole. If you choose to have a kid, you can't expect other people to watch it for you. Baby sitting is a service, and $12 an hour isn't a crazy amount of money to request.

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Brafne Heiwer
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

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If the grandma has the time, she should help her daughter out. It’s just the right thing to do. Not every good thing you do has to come with a transaction.

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Raven DeathShade
Community Member
2 years ago

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My hourly rate is 10 bucks an hour. I'm not CPR certified, I don't have a car (yet), but I have 8 years of childcare experience at age 17. Allow me to reiterate, 10 bucks an hour. This grandmother is asking for 15 dollars an hour to babysit HER OWN GRANDCHILD. For family members, babysitting is free if you don't want me to babysit constantly. Once in a while? Free. Regularly scheduled, taking time out of my own life? 10 bucks an hour. You don't get to ask for more money unless you have other qualifications or there are more than 2 kids.

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did you give up a paying job to look after family kids? Grandmother should give up her days off, lose salary, maybe not be able to cover medicine, bills, groceries only because the daughter Chose to have a child. I don't want my mum become homeless that can't manage to pay bills and worries how she will retire and survive long enough to enjoy family moments. Just so my entitled ass get free labour. What if the child is active, and mum has bad knees? What if she works from home and cannot run after the child? What if she will lose her job for asking time off every week to cover daughters childcare? Since when are grandparents legal guardians for the grandchildren, I'm sure they didn't discuss getting pregnant with parents... They raised the daughter, looking at her entitlement, they didn't do great job. I hope when I become so selfish, where my needs become all, my mum will throw me out. Even better I will take myself out of her life. Being a leech is not loving daughter asking for h

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Galious
Community Member
2 years ago

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When some people write that she asked '2/3 of her daughter's paycheck', they do not seem capable of basic math. If the daughter works 40 hours a week for $22/hour, she is making $880. The grandmother originally asked for $15/hour, for 2.5 days a week, with 7.5 hours of work each day. That amounts to $281. That's 32% of the week pay, not 66%.

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Gianna
Community Member
2 years ago

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I haven't read the article but I'm gonna guess that this grandma is an addict of some kind to be wanting to be paid to babysit their own grandchild.

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Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago

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On another note: Cleary, that grandma isn't Chinese. Chinese grandparents literally have to raise the grandkids for zero compensation and it's culturally expected. If it were not for Covid travel restrictions, my wife and I would be in Beijing right now raising our grandson. Nope, I'm not Chinese but my wife and son are.

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Isabella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and this is toxic. If parent will not raise their child - do not have a child.

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Evil Little Thing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody seems to have pointed this out yet, but Grandma was asking for twice the going rate of full-time day care for a toddler. Mom's gross income aside, is Grandma really so much better than a trained, insured facility with sufficient staff, toys, and a playground?

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Kt
Community Member
2 years ago

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Furious George
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know what calculations other people are using, but once insurance and everything is factored in, she would be paying literally ALL of her take home pay. That being said, we don't know what grandma makes. For all we know, she makes $50 an hour and would be seriously impacted by this. Agreed that she should have just said no, it would have been way less damaging in the long run.

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Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If grandma is leaving a lucrative job to watch the kid, she shouldn't try to make up the difference at the expense of her daughter. She could have politely declined. My god, it's her own daughter and grandchild. What a greedy person! I'm guessing this isn't the first time Mom has put money above her daughter's relationship.

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Nunya Business
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She says she "simply cannot work and watch her child at the same time". Then no amount of money can change that. I would withdrawal my request and tell her to piss off.

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Kt
Community Member
2 years ago

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Well If her daughter paid her a decent wage, she wouldn't have to do her other work. I think that's the point 🙄

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Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she works for a living, I have to assume she needs the money, so yeah, she can't afford to babysit for half the working week for free. So she asked for what she needed and the daughter obviously couldn't afford it. Looking after a kid is hard work, even if it's your grandchild. I don't think parents have an obligation to take care of their children's children. Sure, a lot of people really want to, and enjoy that, but not everybody has to, same way as not everybody wants to be a parent. Maybe the daughter was making unreasonable requests. Either way, the mother should have just politely declined and reiterated her need to have full time paid work.

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Jennifer Germain
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a grandmother and work from home, I could not take care of a child that age and work. I need my income, to live... when your parents still work full time you have to understand that. Oh and daycares have several children per worker...

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Chewie Baron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Notice how she calls the child her daughter's son and not her grandchild?

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SPQRBob
Community Member
2 years ago

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Probably because she never approved of her daughter's "baby-daddy" who is (of course) no longer in the picture. Her grandchildren will only come from a stable marriage with a man who meets her standards.

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Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why wouldn't the mother just put her kid in daycare then? The grandmother isn't a jerk for setting her own rates, the daughter asked and the mother set the conditions of what she would be willing to do it for. Yes it is a lot of the mother's income but the grandmother is under no obligation to lower her rates because of her daughter's salary. Daycare cost a fortune and that is an issue that millions of Americans struggle with. They can't afford to stay home and they can't afford child care. Best option is to find a daycare if possible and also see if she qualifies for any discounted rates. There are sometime programs that will help cover the cost of day cares. Honestly though, there should be a lot more resources going towards childcare because the standard is both people working 40 hours a week and even with $22 an hour, you are shelling out a lot of your paycheck to have someone else watch your kids.

annarepp avatar
Anna Repp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are also waiting lines and not all daycare places would take a 1 y.o. - a lot of places start only admitting children when they are 2 or 3.

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Vihra Stancheva
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess one day when she can't work or take care of herself she will have to pay her daughter to do that for her.

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should make your own arrangements for your retirement and end of life care instead of just expecting your kids to do it, anyway. I plan for my parents to live with me, but that's my choice, and we're planning for it together. Caring for the elderly is extremely taxing both financially and emotionally. I watched my aunts care for my grandmother at the end of her life without adequate resources or guidance because she made no arrangements, and while we all loved my grandmother dearly, it was a burden she should not have placed on them. Demanding that your kids do it is not fair to them.

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idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why all the YTA verdicts? This is not her kid, not her responsibility. It doesn't matter what the mom makes, it's not relevant. Daycares don't charge on a sliding scale and neither does any other business. There's a whole lot of entitlement going on here.

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of these responses make so many assumptions about how the grandmother feels about her daughter and grandson and are so entitled about making demands of a grandparent's life and time, it makes me feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. It seems like people are gleeful to assume the worst of anyone who doesn't fit into their perfect little box of how the world should look. No one has considered that maybe the grandmother really, really wants to watch her grandson but clearly simply needs to continue to earn a living to survive. Asking for compensation that amounts to a minimum living wage would seem like a compromise, but on Bored Panda, it must mean she's a greedy witch who prioritizes money over family! Maybe the grandmother was a bit clumsy in how she went about it and presented it on Reddit, but jeez, Louise. Let's all grab our pitchforks and believe the absolute worst of people, because only we are perfect!

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Michelle C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely the asshole here. The average daycare charges roughly $25-30/day per child and you want her to pay you $96. Look family is family and there will be a time when you get older and unless you have the funds saved to pay for care you will have to depend on your daughter. Or just say that you can't do it, but stop with all this I love my grandson business...if you did you wouldn't treat watching him as a chore that required compensation.

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A babysitter does not have the resources or access to grants/ subsidies/ etc. that a daycare center has, and at a daycare center there is more than one carer per child and having more children allows them to scale to charge less. It's not even close to comparable. This comment makes it seem like you don't think babysitters deserve to earn a living wage. $15/hr is less than what all babysitters should make. It is literally a minimum living wage in the US. And as the post said, this grandmother would be losing income that she needs to survive caring for her grandson. Asking for compensation to do something that would take time away from earning the wage you need to survive is not treating it as a chore, even when it's caring for your grandson. It's an unfortunate necessity. Is she supposed to just starve??? And it has no bearing on how much she loves her grandson. You don't have the right to say a stranger doesn't love their grandson based on your assumptions.

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Lisa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn that post is a year old, she was given an Asshole verdict. There was NTA posts so it wasn't unanimous, IDK, she wouldn't be able to do her own work cause a 1 year old is pretty demanding of care and attention. Some of YTA responses are kind of asshole themselves, bottomline is she has her own life and is shouldn't be expected to give free childcare because she's a grandma. The daughter should have went to a legit licensed daycare instead of her mother who works from home, except she probably didn't want to pay daycare prices.

sonohrin avatar
Diana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But the thing is that nobody is saying the grandma should work for free... she was an asshole for trying to charge her daughter almost half of her income and for like two days a week. If she doesn't want to take care of her grandchild then that's valid but she is in the wrong for not being honest and set impossible conditions. The responses are not being a d**k, they are just setting the grandma straight for trying to screw her daughter

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April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people who feel awkward about just saying no to their daughter might ask for such a high price to make sure the arrangement doesn't happen. I could see that going gracefully without hurt feelings, maybe, in some family out there, but it seems like most people are reading OP as passive aggressive, not awkward/timid.

annarepp avatar
Anna Repp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because we assume that is she were timid, she's say that in a story. Something along the lines "I don't want to do it, but i'm afraid I'd hurt my daughter's feelings if I said no."

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Elisabeth Harris
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ehhhh she was an asshole for how she went about it. If I was the daughter I’d have the other set of grandparents baby-sit full time and have her and her husband pay the rate the mom was asking for to the other grandparents instead. It’s one thing if like it was the family plan to have grandparents look after kids before they popped out, but it’s another thing to just expect it especially if you parent still works. You’ve got duel income and that rate is still way cheaper than daycare sucky situation but there it is.

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't call her an asshole for pointing out how much money the babysitting would be costing her, a lot of young parents don't really think that end of things out before they ask.

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Isabella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To all the people stating, that grandmother should take care of a grandchild if she wants to be taken care by her daughter when she is older and impaired - BIG NO. Your parents done their free work on taking care of you, and you do repay them in taking care with them when they are too old to take care of themselves - this is your freeload of work in family. This do not stretches to grandchildren - they are yours. You take care of them so they will take care of you when you are old. End of story. Stop making your parents your free-labor servants.

lauraedwards avatar
laura edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hate to be a party pooper. Not the ahole. Those are your children. I raised my children. I have also raised my grandchildren off and on for years. I have a job and bills and my own crap going on. I don't need yours as well.

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum is 54, she isn't retirement age. If I wait to have kids till she has retired I could have her live in with me. But because my mum and my partner's mum both have another 15years of working by which time we are over 40yrs old, it's obvious if we want to have grandma as a babysitter they should get paid as they have their own responsibilities and bills to pay. You make your children for you to raise. Not anyone else. You need to handle childcare on top of other responsibilities that come with children. I would never imagine asking my elderly parents to cover 3-4days of childcare if they also still work full time or have to care their own parents or have a life and hobbies. You make as many children as you can take care of! My sister has mil who watches kids 5days a week(since Covid)they pay for food, groceries, 1/3 of electrical and water bills +;other expenses like museums, bus tickets on top of 20eur/hour (mil is ex teacher)

irianmarielaurentwolff avatar
Iriané Marie Laurentwolff
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why not? People tends to believe that elderly relatives are in their ends of their lives and have nothing to do but help for free.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess the pay out is when they do become elderly and dependent, you get to remind your kids who baby sat and have your kids take care of you in your old age. So grandparents help with the grandchildren so that when the time comes and they are dependent, parents pay them back by taking care of them.

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Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ll be the one to say what we’re all thinking but are too progressive to comment. Grandmas should watch kids for free. That’s part of the charm of being one. And if you’re not that kind of person, then just say no and let her get a qualified sitter with credentials for less money. The whole point of being a grandma is to try to get time with the grandbabies.

aliquida avatar
Aliquid
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's an old mindset for grandmothers that spent their lives being a "housewife", and is bored now that she is an "empty-nester". THIS grandmother works, she doesn't have the luxury of free time, she isn't sitting around the house doing jigsaw puzzles and watching soap operas.

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katrina-taylor89 avatar
Kt
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. A lot of entitled young people in the world. If my mum was my child care provider, i would be paying her double what that gran asked for. My mum loves her grandkids, but she has a life and deserves to be compensated for basically becoming a nanny. Babysitting once in a while is different to consistently 2-3 days a week. Also, what will daughter do if she can't go to her mum? Professional childcare could cost a hell of a lot more! Also, why are they having kids if they can't afford childcare? 🤔

izabelaizukulikowska avatar
Isabella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's NTA. Put the child in daycare, or do not make a baby of you cannot afford it. Simple as that. She owes nothing to the daughter in the manner of babysitting - she raised her to be an adult, now she is free do to whatever.

candrasutama avatar
Traveler Mind
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom will literally pay me to leave my kids with her. That's an asian thing.

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Kitty Jordan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm the first to say that grandparents aren't free babysitters. That said, you do need to make allowances for family (if they're good family and you like them; no one owes toxic family members anything). Either she could have: politely declined if she didn't want to; explained that she needed to focus on her job in order to remain solvent, so what she would need to charge from her daughter would be too high and she wouldn't feel comfortable asking for $15/hr from her daughter; or make do with $10/hr but tell daughter she needed to arrange a different long-term plan. At some point, this woman will almost certainly need help going to the doctor, being driven places, etc. Imagine if the daughter didn't make allowances for her mother. If she charged $15/hr because her mom was budging into her career time, and naturally she would need to make it up somewhere, right? I imagine Grandma would be crying holy murder.

emmajgarv avatar
Niffler_13
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the 1990s my parents/uncles/aunts paid my grandparents $100 a week to watch us kids during the summer.

ikaakbar avatar
PepsiCoke
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I pay my mother to watch over my kids at the rate of about 35% of my salary and I pay a helper to accompany her so that she doesn't nees to do heavy duty work. So she literally just there to make my husband and I feel comfortable about leaving our kids at home. I will admit that I don't really need my job and just do it because I cannot live the life of SAHM. I don't know about this family's circumstances, but if the baby's father earn sufficient amount of money, I think the grandmother is NTA for demanding 33% of mother's income.

rucha4197 avatar
Rucha Vanarase
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The amount of red flags in the reddit post make me think that she doesn't consider herself a grandma at all.

ceil44 avatar
Celia McReynolds Tinsley
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do not understand why everyone is saying it's grandma's responsibility to be her grandson's babysitter. It's not. Grandma's only responsibility, if she chooses, is to enjoy and spoil her grandson when she chooses. To say grandma doesn't deserve to be taken care of and loved by her daughter when she is no longer able to care for herself is a sad reminder of how selfish our society has become and how so many people believe their parents owe them something once they become adults. If you were blessed to have both of your parents in your life growing up or at least know you can reach out to an estranged parent count yourself lucky. There are a lot of us that would give anything for the opportunity to care for our mom, or dad, because their life wasn't cut short.

annarepp avatar
Anna Repp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a giant AH FFS! I agree with all commenters - just say "no, I cannot do that". The daughter is probably asking for family help out of desperation - they either cannot afford fulltime daycare (in the US a lot of daycare centers demand you pay the full weekly price even if the child is not there 5 days - happened to me.) or maybe there are no daycare places available at the moment - there's waiting lists, especially for 1-y-olds. I can totally see myself not wanting to babysit my grandchildren - I also work from home, run my own business, and do not like children very much. But if that would have been my kiddo struggling, I would totally offer help in finding daycare, maybe driving the kid to and back, and supporting her financially so she can afford that daycare. The daughter needs to disown her mom.

sarafrazer avatar
Sara Frazer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I'm not a daycare" says the lady asking to be paid to supervise children, like, I dunno, *cough cough* A dAyCaRe

mjpolanska avatar
Mean Red B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After returning to work from my maternity leave, my mother was helping with my kid. I was too scared for a daycare and it's working hours didn't match our schedule. I paid my mum as much as I would for the daycare, because she quit hers job to take care of my daughter. But as my mum is "I can't sit one place" person I always had a dinner ready, laundry folded or floors swept. Everyone was happy. Win Win.

janellecollard avatar
Janelle Collard
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA for asking for 1/2 of daughter's$$; NTA for not wanting to babysit when she has her OWN JOB TO DO.

micheldurinx avatar
Marcellus II
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The most galling thing is that she won't be paying taxes on that income, most likely, so likely making the same more or less than her daughter pre-childcare. Get qualified daycare for similar cost, they at least pay taxes.

arnek avatar
Gogamash
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The US is some strange place. In my country, grandparents would even pay themselves to be able to spend time with their grandchildren.

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J.A. Rogers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Were I the mother, I would not present a counter-offer, nor even discuss the issue; I would start billing the grandmother for every visit -- especially holidays -- at $15 an hour.

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Pronostico Tormentas
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait till that lil kid grows up and learn his Gramma was looking through get paid for babysitting him. He'll draw his own conclusions.

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Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What about the grandfather? He around to offer to watch the kid for a lower rate?

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rabbit
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Child care workers should make more money than they do. The amount she is asking for is more than trained child care, but obviously not an amount her daughter can pay. I'm not a mother or a grandmother. I'm an aunt. Several nieces and nephews needed 24 hour care for days or weeks at a time. (not all at once!) I took them in, didn't ask for payment, nor did I expect it. One in-law was upset thinking I was being paid to take care of his kids. Mom explained that that's not how it works in this family. Turns out it was a great move on my part. I'm now great-grandmother age and need some help now and then. The parents and children (now grown) see it as an opportunity to pay me for all the child care. Those who are struggling financially get paid if ask for the help, but they don't expect it.

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Angeline Shalyn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom used to watch my 2 year old for me like 6 days a week and would have never imagined asking for pay for it .. this is insane

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Ivy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Watch her child." That's about as impersonal as you can get. She clearly doesn't want to but is hiding behind money as a way out. Sounds like an incredibly selfish and attention seeking woman.

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KVong
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she really does work from home that much and can't do anything else while she's working I doubt her daughter would have asked her. This woman should have just said no.

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Kt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol it's cute you think that there aren't entitled people in the world who definitely would expect their parents to give up their lives/time/work to raise their children.

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Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP's seems extremely disconnected from her child, grandchild, and reality too. I imagine after this grandma isn't allowed to see the grandkid much. But that's ok, she has her business to keep her company.

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ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's a harsh judgment. She needs her business to live. She shouldn't starve just so she can watch her grandchild for free. I feel some people didn't bother either reading or trying to comprehend the whole post.

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Freder
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grandma is a bitch! She obviously doesn't enjoy having a grandchild otherwise she'd do it for free or a reasonable rate, which she isn't proposing.

zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow...just wow! yes, gram's TA here for a few reasons: 1. if she doesn't want to do it & is using this as a way out=TA. 2. if gram works from home i'm sure she isn't tied to her desk/computer for the entire working day; therefore, she could still be working & taking care of 'her daughter's son'=TA. 3. the wage, whether it be $12 or $15 is crazy, especially when she knows wages of daughter would basically be wiped out after taxes, ss, fica, etc. & her desired wage=TA. 4. there is something going on other than just the babysitting issue. in the description it mentions daughter went to some camp for a week and gram missed her but was sure that daughter didn't miss her=TA. sounds like gram either wants daughter to stay home or she is jealous that her time is going to be taken up w/a job, child, etc. & gram is afraid of being left out. if that's the case she needs to address her own insecurities which is also interesting since gram claims to have assisted daughter w/finding independence.

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Susan Elizabeth
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I babysit my grands at no charge, but am being paid in so many wonderful memories for them and for me!

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Kines Tezja
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Some people want to base their family relationships on capitalism. Wow. I bet the grandkid will be delighted when he realises his grandma spends time with him because she is getting paid.

aliquida avatar
Aliquid
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well Grandma has bills to pay... when you live in a capitalist country, you need to play by capitalist rules.

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H Moore
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right. My DILs mum charged, she was retired and did not work, this in holidays....so I did. Free, this is what nanas do. I did work, although partner didn't. At kids birthday she got a game, other nana says oh I won't play it with you, I'm the bad nana, yes I thought to myself, you are.

izabelaizukulikowska avatar
Isabella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe learn a bit more English before you post, huh? because this is gibberish. Also - no, grandmothers do not owe you free childcare. They did their free childcare when they had you.

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Iva Kazalova
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In eastern europe where i’m from a grandmother would lynch her daughter if she sought a babysitter, i am utterly baffled by this post 😡

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm from Eastern Europe, my parents, my partner's parents are all younger than 60, which means they have another ten years to work in their respective careers to earn enough for their retirement, they do not have time to raise my kids, and I can't afford to even pay them. They earn way more than I have ever earned. Also in Eastern Europe, don't know which one you're from, but childcare is free of charge from government, and we get 3years maternity leave, parental support, school bag support. Etc. Now I live in Ireland and it's easy 1200 a month for childcare, minimum wage is 10.20, rent is 2000eur+bill. My nana was great, unfortunately she wasn't able to look after me, bad health. Yet I loved her, but she wasn't able to look after toddler me. She died before I turned 7. So good for you, but there's different life experiences. E

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Aubrie Allen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the asshole. If you choose to have a kid, you can't expect other people to watch it for you. Baby sitting is a service, and $12 an hour isn't a crazy amount of money to request.

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Brafne Heiwer
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

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If the grandma has the time, she should help her daughter out. It’s just the right thing to do. Not every good thing you do has to come with a transaction.

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Raven DeathShade
Community Member
2 years ago

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My hourly rate is 10 bucks an hour. I'm not CPR certified, I don't have a car (yet), but I have 8 years of childcare experience at age 17. Allow me to reiterate, 10 bucks an hour. This grandmother is asking for 15 dollars an hour to babysit HER OWN GRANDCHILD. For family members, babysitting is free if you don't want me to babysit constantly. Once in a while? Free. Regularly scheduled, taking time out of my own life? 10 bucks an hour. You don't get to ask for more money unless you have other qualifications or there are more than 2 kids.

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did you give up a paying job to look after family kids? Grandmother should give up her days off, lose salary, maybe not be able to cover medicine, bills, groceries only because the daughter Chose to have a child. I don't want my mum become homeless that can't manage to pay bills and worries how she will retire and survive long enough to enjoy family moments. Just so my entitled ass get free labour. What if the child is active, and mum has bad knees? What if she works from home and cannot run after the child? What if she will lose her job for asking time off every week to cover daughters childcare? Since when are grandparents legal guardians for the grandchildren, I'm sure they didn't discuss getting pregnant with parents... They raised the daughter, looking at her entitlement, they didn't do great job. I hope when I become so selfish, where my needs become all, my mum will throw me out. Even better I will take myself out of her life. Being a leech is not loving daughter asking for h

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Galious
Community Member
2 years ago

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When some people write that she asked '2/3 of her daughter's paycheck', they do not seem capable of basic math. If the daughter works 40 hours a week for $22/hour, she is making $880. The grandmother originally asked for $15/hour, for 2.5 days a week, with 7.5 hours of work each day. That amounts to $281. That's 32% of the week pay, not 66%.

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Gianna
Community Member
2 years ago

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I haven't read the article but I'm gonna guess that this grandma is an addict of some kind to be wanting to be paid to babysit their own grandchild.

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Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago

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On another note: Cleary, that grandma isn't Chinese. Chinese grandparents literally have to raise the grandkids for zero compensation and it's culturally expected. If it were not for Covid travel restrictions, my wife and I would be in Beijing right now raising our grandson. Nope, I'm not Chinese but my wife and son are.

izabelaizukulikowska avatar
Isabella
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and this is toxic. If parent will not raise their child - do not have a child.

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