Weddings are all about the bride and the groom. After all, everyone gets together to celebrate their union and their love for each other on their special day. So, whatever they decide for the wedding is canon. It’s kinda sorta like an unwritten rule.
So, when your friends start throwing in their two cents and telling you your wedding sucks or whatever, most will agree and will support your decision to tell them that it’s, like, their opinion, man and they just have to deal with it.
But sometimes they make us doubt. And that leads to a post on the Am I The A-Hole subreddit, like this one did where a bride asked if she is right to not change her wedding theme just because some of her friends pushed for a different one.
More Info: Reddit
Many agree that weddings are all about the about-to-be-weds, so anyone’s two cents are appreciated, but not necessary in such cases
Image source: pxhere (not the actual photo)
Redditor u/WitchyGothLove, a 24-year-old woman with whom Bored Panda got in touch, recently came over to the Am I The A-Hole subreddit to share a confrontation she had with some of her friends.
For context, OP is getting married soon. Specifically, the wedding date is set for Halloween because OP herself (as well as her partner, a 30-year-old male) are gothic in style. They even got a house together that’s reminiscent of the home the Addams family lived in. So, they went for a full goth approach to the wedding too.
Needless to say, OP is pretty excited about it all. Most of all, she loved her wedding dress, which is a black ball gown with a lot of lace details and a corset back. There’s also gonna be a lace cape and black tiara.
Well, some still reach for their change, like this woman’s friends who disagreed with her wedding theme and even asked her to choose a different one
Image source: WitchyGothLove
However, when she showed it to her friends, they weren’t all that thrilled. In their eyes, it seems over the top and actually a bit too scary for their taste. They were afraid it would freak people out, and hence pushed for a more traditional look.
A little back and forth later, OP ended up putting her foot down, saying she won’t change a thing and they don’t have to come if that’s the case. But it did make OP doubt her decision, so she turned to Reddit’s r/AITA community for some perspective.
Image source: WitchyGothLove
Image source: Curtis Poe (not the actual photo)
“I asked for [my friends’] opinions on the dress because I want to make sure that I look amazing. (Insecurity hit me hard). I thought if it scared them into not going, maybe more guest would follow suit,” elaborated OP.
The post blew up, and so OP provided a short update and responded to some of the commenters. In her post, she added that she’s thankful for the massive support she’s gotten from the community. No, nothing has been changed in the wedding, no, she won’t show the dress because her fiance is on Reddit and he’s not supposed to see the dress, and she clarified that costumes are optional due to venue rules.
It goes without saying that Redditors were all in favor of OP doing her thing. In fact, some even expressed how they’d like to attend a wedding like hers because it’s awesome and unique. So, NTA.
Well, folks online were having none of it, and cheered OP and her goth-themed wedding on
The overall theme of many of the replies was “it’s your wedding, you do you.” OP did elaborate that it’s just this handful of friends that were against the idea, but OP’s family is excited about the theme as it’s gonna feel like a ball. Even her grandma was all for it, as it felt like she’s gonna be reliving something like her prom again.
Others pointed out that these don’t sound like friends, by the looks of things. Besides, suggesting not going “over the top” while having a traditional wedding gown could cost upwards of $5,000—oh yeah, that is not lavish at all!
While people do understand that adding “horror” elements to a wedding might not be the best idea—maybe someone has a weak heart—the commenters still showed respect for OP’s choices. And OP took the opportunity to elaborate that the drinks would be the only “horrific” thing. Besides, folks were free to dress formally, as per venue rules.
Whatever the case, NTA. The community has spoken! Here is the post, just take a look at it—they have truly spoken. Just as well, OP told Bored Panda that her custom wedding dress had just arrived and her grandmother also has hers ready for the wedding.
Lastly, we’ve asked Witchy if she had any advice on hosting a wedding with a goth or other non-traditional themes. And she had this to say:
“Be crafty, a lot of decor, my invitations and flowers were DYI. Not many places offer a goth or Halloween wedding decor where I live. So, I have spent many hours on DYI projects and making sure it actually looks great.”
And before you scurry off to another article, tell us your thoughts about this and share what were the best themes for weddings that you had the honor to attend in the comment section below!
I live in a town famous for gothic culture and vampires, due to being featured in Bram Stokers "Dracula"... I see goth wedding parades going on fairly often. My favourite was around Halloween a few years back, the Groom was dressed in traditional 1800's and the Bride had a beautiful gothic gown, and a demon horns floral headress, they looked FANTASTIC., anyway, to get to the point, it's YOUR wedding, not the wedding of your so called friends. If your style "creeps people" (aka them) out, they can gtfo, meanwhile you embrace your individuality and have a fantastic and unique wedding that will be remembered by those who do attend, rather than the stereotypical boring done to death style of "traditional" wedding <3
I think it's awesome and don't change a thing for anyone but you and your fiance! The wedding is scary? Like, what are you doing? Beheading the MOH and drinking her blood as a sacrifice? As long as it's fake horror and nothing illegal I think they'll be ok! I don't know why people think they get to tell someone what's appropriate for an affair that they are footing the bill for! I'd be like, good don't come, you'll ruin the vibe! Like, a $500,000 wedding is fine as long as you conform to what someone else says is appropriate! Let me leave my address, my husband and I will be glad to come!!
Marriage is scary! I love her idea and wish I could attend her wedding.
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Why would anyone be friends with a goth and then expect them to suddenly stop being a goth on their wedding day? Rock on with your goth self, sister!
Me and my partner are Celtic and my religion is wicca. We both wear mainly black. I've been thinking about a Black and Plum color scheme. I want it in the forest. It's going to be very nature like. Because we're both Celtic, I really want us to do handfasting because not only does it match our heritage, but handfasting is very spiritual in Celtic witchcraft. It's perfect for BOTH of us.
Yes!! I was handfast to my spouse in a dark blue dress, while he wore a white suit. You do you and blessed be 😉
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I was planning a Halloween wedding (surprise baby changed the plans though) and we were going to encourage guests to wear costumes, fall/spooky decor. I was going to have a custom made Victorian/gothic gown made. My mom HATED the idea, I said that was perfectly fine, she didn't have to come, it was mine and (then) fiancés wedding and this is what we wanted! Shut her up pretty fast. Maybe for our 20th anniversary we will do a vow renewal at Halloween (3 years to go!)
Geez, I live in Salem, MA. People do witch/goth/vampire weddings here all the time, even getting married by a local witch. My downstairs neighbor runs "Witchy Woman Weddings", and gets people from all over that want this style of wedding ceremony. Rather go to this than a boring traditional event!
I kinda wanna see the wedding pictures now, goth sounds wonderful lol
Cape and tiara sound FABULOUS to me! Have a great time and don't worry if the negative Nellies give you hassles.
If I get married to my gf, we’re both wearing dresses (I’m Bi, she’s Trans) and I’ve asked my daughter to help me design them. I’d love a goth wedding but I’m the only goth so it’ll just have to be weird :)
Just saying, the ones getting married usually don't both wear white so I see no problem with two different dress styles and colors. I think one white and one goth would be beautiful. You can do low-key goth if you're concerned about clashing but honestly, like most comments say to op, it's your wedding so you can do whatever you want. Throw a little Victorian Gothic in the theme to spice it up; subtle and elegant. And if you Google "goth same sex wedding dress" you'll see some beautiful couples whose dresses are gorgeous and they look wonderful together.
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We got married in a registrar office. My missus wore a crimson bridal gown and the music she was walked in to was Bach’s toccata and fugue. After we were wed we signed the register to “Always look on the bright side of life” and I was so drunk when it came to our first dance that my bride dragged me around the dance floor by my foot. It’s our 23rd anniversary tomorrow 😎
Sounds fun, but even if I thought someone's wedding theme was ugly, silly, too over-the-top, or something they would come to regret, I'd keep that to myself. I certainly wouldn't refuse to go to the wedding of someone I loved over that. Sounds like she's asking her guests to dress formally, but not necessarily goth or in a special costume, so that's not an unusual request for a wedding.
Totally Gothic all the way, in this day and age so many people have Classic weddings that to go all out in your own style and theme is way better. To get married on Samhain in A Castle ...wow I would have loved to have done that <3
The wedding photographer will freak out to finally have something different to shoot. I'd love to go to that wedding!
Crappy friends. If I had a good friend getting married in a gothic theme, I'd still go, despite it not being my cup of tea. That's what friends do.
I love it that people are bucking the "traditional" wedding to do something unique and right for them. And if they want traditional, that's great too. Thing is, white bridal gown is a recent tradition, while most other traditions date back to misogynistic or other outdated ideas. If I were to do my wedding over again, I'd still wear a fancy dress, probably white, my husband a black tux with comfortable black dress shoes. But that is us. If you are not abusing anyone, do whatever works for you. Edit for clarity in last sentence.
It's your wedding. It's supposed to be a celebration of you and your husband, and your choice to share your lives. If you met at a vampire ball, love the dark goth aesthetic and want to live in the Addams family mansion, then a goth wedding sounds perfect! Choose what is meaningful and authentic to you, and don't cave to pressure to make it generic and 'normal'. NTA
If they are your friends I'm not sure why they're freaked out. I mean I'm assuming they've seen you before and understand your lifestyle. If they're your real friends they'll understand it's going to be your day the way you want it and they can think of it as a Halloween party if they want but you aren't going to be Wedding Barbie just for them.
I have plans to do a theme wedding when I get married. I am a huge Minnie Mouse fan, so I plan to get married in a Mickey and Minnie Mouse theme wedding. If you have a certain way that you want to do your wedding, you do it regardless of the naysayers. I love the whole idea of this wedding. If her friends want to be jerks and miss out on their friend's wedding because it doesn't appeal to them, then stay home then. No one is going to miss them. They will look back down the road and wish that they had been there. She is certainly not being a bridezilla.
This wedding sounds awesome! Who cares if someone people don't want to go. "Traditional" weddings are all the same. I've always worn black 24/7, and at 40, I'm still going through (what my mom calls) my goth/punk stage. I couldn't imagine wearing a white dress for anything.
Dude, it's 2022. More and more people are getting away from traditional these days. Harry potter themed weddings, Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, Star Wars, you name it. Hell, if I ever wanted to get married, I'd have either a horror or holographic fairy themed wedding. Do whatever the hell you want. Goth weddings are cool, too, and the dresses sound amazing!
Same! And as much sh*t as I’ve gotten I’ve gotten just as much love!! Don’t like it? Don’t come. My husband and I are covered in skull tattoos and I make horror baby dolls!!! We had our legal wedding at a park and wore PINK… we are having a vow renewal on Halloween and it’s all black skulls and creepy ish!!
Who's wedding is it anyway? We get one day to do what we want in our lives. Why should someone else call the shots? Good for you for sticking by your guns!
When my best friend gets married one day she says she’s having a wedding like this and I’m so excited for her! Screw these party poopers, they said the only scary thing is the drinks which also sounds super cool to me, but it’s not even triggering to people probably, which is also very cool! Hope OP and significant other have a great wedding that they and their other, much more supportive family and friends love!
It's your wedding day, nobody else's. I think it's a great idea. Enjoy it.
It's an amazing idea! I really don't like the idea to celebrate your special day just like everybody else. Bland-a*s white dresses are soo boring.
I went full goth for my wedding - been married 20 years! I think your wedding day is a very good time to be yourself. If your friends object then they’re not your friends.
What kind of friends you have that they are scared of black gown and demand you change it? 5 year olds? Goth wedding sounds like fun. So-called traditional wedding (whatever is it according to your friends) sounds very boring.
NTA. My daughter got married at halloween and also wore a black dress. We had a great day and i hope you and your fiance do too. The day day belongs to you two and everyone else will have their own days to do it the way they want. Have a fab day.
I did a pretty traditional gown, it was off-white and that actually raised an eyebrow or two amongst hubby's more conservative family. But I liked the traditional gown and other wedding elements. If you don't, do what you want. It's about the couple getting married and what they want!
Is it over the top? Sure. Is it super cool and would I want to go? Absolutely. It's not traditional, but it sounds awesome. :)
Completely 100% NTA!! This is you and your husband's day! Your friends have no say in what you choose to do....I mean....are THEY paying for it? I bet not! And this is the day you and your husband will remember and look back on for the rest of your lives! You want happy,fun memories! Not memories filled with regrets and only -ifs.....If they don't like it ...they don't have to come. That's how I feel. I hope you stick to your guns and have the wedding YOU want! It's your life and your memories....do what makes YOU happy!! There's no worse feeling than regret. Congratulations BTW!!
I do t get how goth or Victorian Gothic is "creepy" especially if it's just wearing black and lace...that's not creepy at all, it's really cool!!
People are so entitled aren't they? Really over here saying that OP needs to change their wedding because no one else will like it. That's not OPs problem. Their job is to have the best possible time at their wedding and be happy with what theme they chose. They're not forcing anyone else to wear gothic clothing ,just formal attire because of venue rules. NTA
I applaud you for having a nontraditional wedding. Remember it's you and your fiance's day, embrace it and you both be happy..... Congratulations
First of all, congratulations on your upcoming marriage to what sounds like a wonderful husband to be. Second of all, the theme and date sound perfect for you. Thirdly, A CASTLE!?!? I'm so envious!! Fourth, an Addams family house!?!? Can you hear me weeping from wishing it were mine? STICK TO YOUR GUNS LITTLE LADY!!! Wishing you the best and really wishing I could be present.
NTA. I can't believe some people thing they can tell others to change their wedding theme. Is it Tina and Tom toddler hour? Do what we say, or we're not coming stomp, stomp, stomp away we go...
I would reconsider my friends after this - if they know me and love me as I am they should like my wedding the way I imagine it I had non traditional wedding "dress" in darker green and 1st reaction of friends was " green wtf?" but then they realized ok she is definitely not traditional bride and green is actually compromise , and it's going great with bright red hair
She's summoning the mighty power of the Addams family hoping it will bless her with a wedding as pure and as enduring as the one between Gomez and Morticia and people call it over the top??? IT'S THE BARE MINIMUM 😱
NTA. It's your day and making it different and special to suit your wants and desires is what it's all about. No one has the right to decide for you. I've been to many unique weddings and those are the ones I remember. Your idea is awesome. Hope y'all have a wonderful long life together.
TLC used to have a show called A Wedding Story, that would tell a couple's story from when they met to when they got married. The last few minutes were footage of the actual ceremony. One "punk rock" couple (he had long hair, they both had multicolored hair and lots of tattoos/piercings) decided to get married on Halloween night, and have it be a costume party--she was Bride of Frankenstein, he was Dracula. Guests didn't have to dress in costume, but most of them did, and it looked like everyone had a great time. You do you. The haters can stay home if they don't want to participate in a goth wedding.
First off, this is YOUR wedding. You and your fiance have chosen how to celebrate YOUR day. Don't let ANYONE talk you out of something that you have your heart set on. If they don't want to attend, it's their loss. Personally, I think this sounds like an amazing wedding!! I would love to attend one like this!! Stick to your guns and have the days of YOUR dreams - with or without your "friends". I wish you all the best!! PS...we'd LOVE to see your ceremony gown after your wedding!!
LOVE IT. Wouldn't change a thing. At my wedding hated the usually music to walk down the aisle to, so I played the theme song from the TV series beauty and the beast. My mom did have to stand up so people would know. Our first dance was momma he's crazy crazy over me. But if I get married again and that's a BIG of definitely going with a themed. Your friends who say it's too scary are probably the same people who go to the Friday 13th, Halloween, saw, hostel movies. It's your wedding. If they don't want to go because it's too scary let them know they should deadbolt all the doors with many locks, same with windows, then hide in the closet. Definitely NTA!!!!
I would love to go to this wedding! I have been to a lot of weddings, and the best and most memorable ones are by far the unique ones! The ones where the bride wears a dress that is 100% their style and not a traditional dress that blends in with all the other wedding dresses you have ever seen, where the theme, decor, and entertainment are a reflection of who the bride and groom are, as individuals and a couple. A wedding that is what is should be, a celebration of two people, the way they want it, not what traditions or society says it should be. I got c**p from a lot of people for choosing to have Kareoke at my reception instead of a DJ or band. The KJ still played a couple songs that we had for our first dance, and father/mother bride/griom dances,, but other than that, it was Kareoke. It was a epic! Everyone loved it, so many people participated, even those who were normally wallflowers sang ( I believe the open bar had something to do with that) and people still bring it up to us to this day, 12 years later, as one of the best weddings they ever attended. You do you and enjoy your amazing day! 👏
You & your fiance's day. Your decision on what the theme is. The theme sounds great and I as a 58 year old single lady would definitely go. Have fun on your magical day
My daughter is the "Halloween Queen"-her house is decorated in creepy/Gothic/spooky 24/7...her Christmas list is full of Halloween stuff, so I shop for her gifts in October, lol. Her fiancee just got a job at Home Goods, which means he can get employee discounts there, plus TJ Maxx and Marshall's. I've been telling her for years that she needs to have a midnight Gothic wedding in a cemetery, and if she did, our entire family and most of her friends would be all thrilled about it. It's your day and anyone who doesn't like it doesn't need to come! Have fun and congratulations! P.S. when she has her first child the nursery will be decorated in a Nightmare Before Christmas theme....🥰
Weddings are stupid. People spend a s**t ton of money only to end up divorced a few years later. So to me, you want to waste money, hey, waste it how ever makes you happy.
Heavens to Betsy, if they don't like it don't come to the wedding. They should celebrate your day. Enjoy it's uniqueness, lighten up and have fun. Your wedding will be the topic of some conversations for years to come. In the future some of those critical folks may even admit their mistake, wanting you to change anything. Enjoy your wedding just the way you've planned it.
People need to leave others alone about their wedding as long as the couple are understanding if a guest can't come because of monetary issues or something similar. I had a small wedding, but even my family was trying to convince me that I needed real flowers instead of fake ones. I have asthma and can literally die from real flowers, and they knew it.
NTA - your wedding, you do what you both want. Anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to attend !!
Although I don't like goth anything, & the black tiara may be over the top, but so what? It is YOUR wedding after all. You invited your friends & people who know about your uh off beat ideas, right? It's not like this is out of character for you right? Well, then they are not required to attend. If they decide to attend, they need to shut up about YOUR wedding. Are these your "friends"? Get new friends
Friends won't go because it's "scary"? Are OPs friends perchance 5 year olds? Most 5 year olds I know would be all about a castle and gothic decor, but some might find it a bit scary. Maybe someone could volunteer to hold those friends hands if they do show up? If they have a favorite stuffy or security blanket, perhaps they could be assured it's okay to bring it along? Or they can bring their mommies as plus ones?
I got married last year, and a friend (not close) asked to see the photos. There were only 12 of us due to COViD rules at the wedding. When she saw them, she went off on one because I got married in a navy knee-length dress, and why not a white wedding dress. I'm 58 ffs, and it wasn't my first.
Traditional is relative, different cultures ahve different views on taditional. Fun fact white dresses didn't become fashionable til Queen Victoria did it. (I don't look good in all white so if I ever get hitched I'm not wearing it) I wore a Gothic gown and a lace half mask to senior prom, its usually a one time deal so go all out, same with weddings, if its a one time thing why do what is "traditional" it just means most others are doing it and thats boring, be unique be you.
A wedding should be fun but it is serious. If you really feel that you can look back on those photos twenty years from now with your kids with pride then go ahead and do it. It's your day, not mine. Just make sure that this is really what you want. Have a beautiful day and be happy.
I want to go to your wedding! So would my daughters. We are huge horror, sci fi and Halloween fans. I have a small Nightmare Before Christmas tree that I put on my desk every year. You do you, girl. Bravo! 👏👏
Absolutely you are not tah it sounds like an amazing wedding, great choice. As long as you and your other half like and enjoy it that is what matters.
NTA: its YOUR wedding. They have 0 right to tell you to change it n just do the same ol traditional wedding thats been done 100 times over (boring) they dont HAVE to go or dress like that. Tbh id reconsider friends if they act like this
It's not altogether my cup of tea, but if a friend of mine were having a wedding like that, I'd still be happy to celebrate their marriage.
You wedding sounds amazing. I love goth, horror, blood, guts. Having everyone dress for a ball is brilliant. Congratulations. don't worry about the scaredy cats, you don't need em.
I love your theme! Before Queen Victoria in the 1800's, wedding dresses were red. So you do you and don't worry about what anyone says
I got married in a black dress, with a plum jacket (1950s style clothing).
The most important thing is that you and your significant other are happy with the plans. I had a massive and very expensive wedding. Ended in divorce 15 years later. What a waste of money. I would fly to Vegas if I ever decide to have another go. Can't hurt to hear what those close to you, those you respect, have to say. But ultimately I would make sure you and your S.O. decide; not anyone else. Cheers! Good luck.
Not goth by any means, but would loooove to be in that wedding. Weird is relative.
Sarah Jessica Parker wore a totally black wedding dress when she married Matthew Broderick in 1997. She said that she has regretted it ever since. It is/was a beautiful dress.
Absolutely. My friend married on Halloween about forty years ago with a very similar theme to this bride's. She cringes now when she looks at the pics. What's hip and cool when your in your twenties does not stand the test of time.
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NTA. This is a wedding I'd be most excited to attend if I could. Now, to grow out my hair and howl at the moon while I scramble to find a tuxedo XP
You made this comment because you want to brag about your ability to not spell correctly?
Load More Replies... I live in a town famous for gothic culture and vampires, due to being featured in Bram Stokers "Dracula"... I see goth wedding parades going on fairly often. My favourite was around Halloween a few years back, the Groom was dressed in traditional 1800's and the Bride had a beautiful gothic gown, and a demon horns floral headress, they looked FANTASTIC., anyway, to get to the point, it's YOUR wedding, not the wedding of your so called friends. If your style "creeps people" (aka them) out, they can gtfo, meanwhile you embrace your individuality and have a fantastic and unique wedding that will be remembered by those who do attend, rather than the stereotypical boring done to death style of "traditional" wedding <3
I think it's awesome and don't change a thing for anyone but you and your fiance! The wedding is scary? Like, what are you doing? Beheading the MOH and drinking her blood as a sacrifice? As long as it's fake horror and nothing illegal I think they'll be ok! I don't know why people think they get to tell someone what's appropriate for an affair that they are footing the bill for! I'd be like, good don't come, you'll ruin the vibe! Like, a $500,000 wedding is fine as long as you conform to what someone else says is appropriate! Let me leave my address, my husband and I will be glad to come!!
Marriage is scary! I love her idea and wish I could attend her wedding.
Load More Replies... Why would anyone be friends with a goth and then expect them to suddenly stop being a goth on their wedding day? Rock on with your goth self, sister!
Me and my partner are Celtic and my religion is wicca. We both wear mainly black. I've been thinking about a Black and Plum color scheme. I want it in the forest. It's going to be very nature like. Because we're both Celtic, I really want us to do handfasting because not only does it match our heritage, but handfasting is very spiritual in Celtic witchcraft. It's perfect for BOTH of us.
Yes!! I was handfast to my spouse in a dark blue dress, while he wore a white suit. You do you and blessed be 😉
Load More Replies... I was planning a Halloween wedding (surprise baby changed the plans though) and we were going to encourage guests to wear costumes, fall/spooky decor. I was going to have a custom made Victorian/gothic gown made. My mom HATED the idea, I said that was perfectly fine, she didn't have to come, it was mine and (then) fiancés wedding and this is what we wanted! Shut her up pretty fast. Maybe for our 20th anniversary we will do a vow renewal at Halloween (3 years to go!)
Geez, I live in Salem, MA. People do witch/goth/vampire weddings here all the time, even getting married by a local witch. My downstairs neighbor runs "Witchy Woman Weddings", and gets people from all over that want this style of wedding ceremony. Rather go to this than a boring traditional event!
I kinda wanna see the wedding pictures now, goth sounds wonderful lol
Cape and tiara sound FABULOUS to me! Have a great time and don't worry if the negative Nellies give you hassles.
If I get married to my gf, we’re both wearing dresses (I’m Bi, she’s Trans) and I’ve asked my daughter to help me design them. I’d love a goth wedding but I’m the only goth so it’ll just have to be weird :)
Just saying, the ones getting married usually don't both wear white so I see no problem with two different dress styles and colors. I think one white and one goth would be beautiful. You can do low-key goth if you're concerned about clashing but honestly, like most comments say to op, it's your wedding so you can do whatever you want. Throw a little Victorian Gothic in the theme to spice it up; subtle and elegant. And if you Google "goth same sex wedding dress" you'll see some beautiful couples whose dresses are gorgeous and they look wonderful together.
Load More Replies... We got married in a registrar office. My missus wore a crimson bridal gown and the music she was walked in to was Bach’s toccata and fugue. After we were wed we signed the register to “Always look on the bright side of life” and I was so drunk when it came to our first dance that my bride dragged me around the dance floor by my foot. It’s our 23rd anniversary tomorrow 😎
Sounds fun, but even if I thought someone's wedding theme was ugly, silly, too over-the-top, or something they would come to regret, I'd keep that to myself. I certainly wouldn't refuse to go to the wedding of someone I loved over that. Sounds like she's asking her guests to dress formally, but not necessarily goth or in a special costume, so that's not an unusual request for a wedding.
Totally Gothic all the way, in this day and age so many people have Classic weddings that to go all out in your own style and theme is way better. To get married on Samhain in A Castle ...wow I would have loved to have done that <3
The wedding photographer will freak out to finally have something different to shoot. I'd love to go to that wedding!
Crappy friends. If I had a good friend getting married in a gothic theme, I'd still go, despite it not being my cup of tea. That's what friends do.
I love it that people are bucking the "traditional" wedding to do something unique and right for them. And if they want traditional, that's great too. Thing is, white bridal gown is a recent tradition, while most other traditions date back to misogynistic or other outdated ideas. If I were to do my wedding over again, I'd still wear a fancy dress, probably white, my husband a black tux with comfortable black dress shoes. But that is us. If you are not abusing anyone, do whatever works for you. Edit for clarity in last sentence.
It's your wedding. It's supposed to be a celebration of you and your husband, and your choice to share your lives. If you met at a vampire ball, love the dark goth aesthetic and want to live in the Addams family mansion, then a goth wedding sounds perfect! Choose what is meaningful and authentic to you, and don't cave to pressure to make it generic and 'normal'. NTA
If they are your friends I'm not sure why they're freaked out. I mean I'm assuming they've seen you before and understand your lifestyle. If they're your real friends they'll understand it's going to be your day the way you want it and they can think of it as a Halloween party if they want but you aren't going to be Wedding Barbie just for them.
I have plans to do a theme wedding when I get married. I am a huge Minnie Mouse fan, so I plan to get married in a Mickey and Minnie Mouse theme wedding. If you have a certain way that you want to do your wedding, you do it regardless of the naysayers. I love the whole idea of this wedding. If her friends want to be jerks and miss out on their friend's wedding because it doesn't appeal to them, then stay home then. No one is going to miss them. They will look back down the road and wish that they had been there. She is certainly not being a bridezilla.
This wedding sounds awesome! Who cares if someone people don't want to go. "Traditional" weddings are all the same. I've always worn black 24/7, and at 40, I'm still going through (what my mom calls) my goth/punk stage. I couldn't imagine wearing a white dress for anything.
Dude, it's 2022. More and more people are getting away from traditional these days. Harry potter themed weddings, Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, Star Wars, you name it. Hell, if I ever wanted to get married, I'd have either a horror or holographic fairy themed wedding. Do whatever the hell you want. Goth weddings are cool, too, and the dresses sound amazing!
Same! And as much sh*t as I’ve gotten I’ve gotten just as much love!! Don’t like it? Don’t come. My husband and I are covered in skull tattoos and I make horror baby dolls!!! We had our legal wedding at a park and wore PINK… we are having a vow renewal on Halloween and it’s all black skulls and creepy ish!!
Who's wedding is it anyway? We get one day to do what we want in our lives. Why should someone else call the shots? Good for you for sticking by your guns!
When my best friend gets married one day she says she’s having a wedding like this and I’m so excited for her! Screw these party poopers, they said the only scary thing is the drinks which also sounds super cool to me, but it’s not even triggering to people probably, which is also very cool! Hope OP and significant other have a great wedding that they and their other, much more supportive family and friends love!
It's your wedding day, nobody else's. I think it's a great idea. Enjoy it.
It's an amazing idea! I really don't like the idea to celebrate your special day just like everybody else. Bland-a*s white dresses are soo boring.
I went full goth for my wedding - been married 20 years! I think your wedding day is a very good time to be yourself. If your friends object then they’re not your friends.
What kind of friends you have that they are scared of black gown and demand you change it? 5 year olds? Goth wedding sounds like fun. So-called traditional wedding (whatever is it according to your friends) sounds very boring.
NTA. My daughter got married at halloween and also wore a black dress. We had a great day and i hope you and your fiance do too. The day day belongs to you two and everyone else will have their own days to do it the way they want. Have a fab day.
I did a pretty traditional gown, it was off-white and that actually raised an eyebrow or two amongst hubby's more conservative family. But I liked the traditional gown and other wedding elements. If you don't, do what you want. It's about the couple getting married and what they want!
Is it over the top? Sure. Is it super cool and would I want to go? Absolutely. It's not traditional, but it sounds awesome. :)
Completely 100% NTA!! This is you and your husband's day! Your friends have no say in what you choose to do....I mean....are THEY paying for it? I bet not! And this is the day you and your husband will remember and look back on for the rest of your lives! You want happy,fun memories! Not memories filled with regrets and only -ifs.....If they don't like it ...they don't have to come. That's how I feel. I hope you stick to your guns and have the wedding YOU want! It's your life and your memories....do what makes YOU happy!! There's no worse feeling than regret. Congratulations BTW!!
I do t get how goth or Victorian Gothic is "creepy" especially if it's just wearing black and lace...that's not creepy at all, it's really cool!!
People are so entitled aren't they? Really over here saying that OP needs to change their wedding because no one else will like it. That's not OPs problem. Their job is to have the best possible time at their wedding and be happy with what theme they chose. They're not forcing anyone else to wear gothic clothing ,just formal attire because of venue rules. NTA
I applaud you for having a nontraditional wedding. Remember it's you and your fiance's day, embrace it and you both be happy..... Congratulations
First of all, congratulations on your upcoming marriage to what sounds like a wonderful husband to be. Second of all, the theme and date sound perfect for you. Thirdly, A CASTLE!?!? I'm so envious!! Fourth, an Addams family house!?!? Can you hear me weeping from wishing it were mine? STICK TO YOUR GUNS LITTLE LADY!!! Wishing you the best and really wishing I could be present.
NTA. I can't believe some people thing they can tell others to change their wedding theme. Is it Tina and Tom toddler hour? Do what we say, or we're not coming stomp, stomp, stomp away we go...
I would reconsider my friends after this - if they know me and love me as I am they should like my wedding the way I imagine it I had non traditional wedding "dress" in darker green and 1st reaction of friends was " green wtf?" but then they realized ok she is definitely not traditional bride and green is actually compromise , and it's going great with bright red hair
She's summoning the mighty power of the Addams family hoping it will bless her with a wedding as pure and as enduring as the one between Gomez and Morticia and people call it over the top??? IT'S THE BARE MINIMUM 😱
NTA. It's your day and making it different and special to suit your wants and desires is what it's all about. No one has the right to decide for you. I've been to many unique weddings and those are the ones I remember. Your idea is awesome. Hope y'all have a wonderful long life together.
TLC used to have a show called A Wedding Story, that would tell a couple's story from when they met to when they got married. The last few minutes were footage of the actual ceremony. One "punk rock" couple (he had long hair, they both had multicolored hair and lots of tattoos/piercings) decided to get married on Halloween night, and have it be a costume party--she was Bride of Frankenstein, he was Dracula. Guests didn't have to dress in costume, but most of them did, and it looked like everyone had a great time. You do you. The haters can stay home if they don't want to participate in a goth wedding.
First off, this is YOUR wedding. You and your fiance have chosen how to celebrate YOUR day. Don't let ANYONE talk you out of something that you have your heart set on. If they don't want to attend, it's their loss. Personally, I think this sounds like an amazing wedding!! I would love to attend one like this!! Stick to your guns and have the days of YOUR dreams - with or without your "friends". I wish you all the best!! PS...we'd LOVE to see your ceremony gown after your wedding!!
LOVE IT. Wouldn't change a thing. At my wedding hated the usually music to walk down the aisle to, so I played the theme song from the TV series beauty and the beast. My mom did have to stand up so people would know. Our first dance was momma he's crazy crazy over me. But if I get married again and that's a BIG of definitely going with a themed. Your friends who say it's too scary are probably the same people who go to the Friday 13th, Halloween, saw, hostel movies. It's your wedding. If they don't want to go because it's too scary let them know they should deadbolt all the doors with many locks, same with windows, then hide in the closet. Definitely NTA!!!!
I would love to go to this wedding! I have been to a lot of weddings, and the best and most memorable ones are by far the unique ones! The ones where the bride wears a dress that is 100% their style and not a traditional dress that blends in with all the other wedding dresses you have ever seen, where the theme, decor, and entertainment are a reflection of who the bride and groom are, as individuals and a couple. A wedding that is what is should be, a celebration of two people, the way they want it, not what traditions or society says it should be. I got c**p from a lot of people for choosing to have Kareoke at my reception instead of a DJ or band. The KJ still played a couple songs that we had for our first dance, and father/mother bride/griom dances,, but other than that, it was Kareoke. It was a epic! Everyone loved it, so many people participated, even those who were normally wallflowers sang ( I believe the open bar had something to do with that) and people still bring it up to us to this day, 12 years later, as one of the best weddings they ever attended. You do you and enjoy your amazing day! 👏
You & your fiance's day. Your decision on what the theme is. The theme sounds great and I as a 58 year old single lady would definitely go. Have fun on your magical day
My daughter is the "Halloween Queen"-her house is decorated in creepy/Gothic/spooky 24/7...her Christmas list is full of Halloween stuff, so I shop for her gifts in October, lol. Her fiancee just got a job at Home Goods, which means he can get employee discounts there, plus TJ Maxx and Marshall's. I've been telling her for years that she needs to have a midnight Gothic wedding in a cemetery, and if she did, our entire family and most of her friends would be all thrilled about it. It's your day and anyone who doesn't like it doesn't need to come! Have fun and congratulations! P.S. when she has her first child the nursery will be decorated in a Nightmare Before Christmas theme....🥰
Weddings are stupid. People spend a s**t ton of money only to end up divorced a few years later. So to me, you want to waste money, hey, waste it how ever makes you happy.
Heavens to Betsy, if they don't like it don't come to the wedding. They should celebrate your day. Enjoy it's uniqueness, lighten up and have fun. Your wedding will be the topic of some conversations for years to come. In the future some of those critical folks may even admit their mistake, wanting you to change anything. Enjoy your wedding just the way you've planned it.
People need to leave others alone about their wedding as long as the couple are understanding if a guest can't come because of monetary issues or something similar. I had a small wedding, but even my family was trying to convince me that I needed real flowers instead of fake ones. I have asthma and can literally die from real flowers, and they knew it.
NTA - your wedding, you do what you both want. Anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to attend !!
Although I don't like goth anything, & the black tiara may be over the top, but so what? It is YOUR wedding after all. You invited your friends & people who know about your uh off beat ideas, right? It's not like this is out of character for you right? Well, then they are not required to attend. If they decide to attend, they need to shut up about YOUR wedding. Are these your "friends"? Get new friends
Friends won't go because it's "scary"? Are OPs friends perchance 5 year olds? Most 5 year olds I know would be all about a castle and gothic decor, but some might find it a bit scary. Maybe someone could volunteer to hold those friends hands if they do show up? If they have a favorite stuffy or security blanket, perhaps they could be assured it's okay to bring it along? Or they can bring their mommies as plus ones?
I got married last year, and a friend (not close) asked to see the photos. There were only 12 of us due to COViD rules at the wedding. When she saw them, she went off on one because I got married in a navy knee-length dress, and why not a white wedding dress. I'm 58 ffs, and it wasn't my first.
Traditional is relative, different cultures ahve different views on taditional. Fun fact white dresses didn't become fashionable til Queen Victoria did it. (I don't look good in all white so if I ever get hitched I'm not wearing it) I wore a Gothic gown and a lace half mask to senior prom, its usually a one time deal so go all out, same with weddings, if its a one time thing why do what is "traditional" it just means most others are doing it and thats boring, be unique be you.
A wedding should be fun but it is serious. If you really feel that you can look back on those photos twenty years from now with your kids with pride then go ahead and do it. It's your day, not mine. Just make sure that this is really what you want. Have a beautiful day and be happy.
I want to go to your wedding! So would my daughters. We are huge horror, sci fi and Halloween fans. I have a small Nightmare Before Christmas tree that I put on my desk every year. You do you, girl. Bravo! 👏👏
Absolutely you are not tah it sounds like an amazing wedding, great choice. As long as you and your other half like and enjoy it that is what matters.
NTA: its YOUR wedding. They have 0 right to tell you to change it n just do the same ol traditional wedding thats been done 100 times over (boring) they dont HAVE to go or dress like that. Tbh id reconsider friends if they act like this
It's not altogether my cup of tea, but if a friend of mine were having a wedding like that, I'd still be happy to celebrate their marriage.
You wedding sounds amazing. I love goth, horror, blood, guts. Having everyone dress for a ball is brilliant. Congratulations. don't worry about the scaredy cats, you don't need em.
I love your theme! Before Queen Victoria in the 1800's, wedding dresses were red. So you do you and don't worry about what anyone says
I got married in a black dress, with a plum jacket (1950s style clothing).
The most important thing is that you and your significant other are happy with the plans. I had a massive and very expensive wedding. Ended in divorce 15 years later. What a waste of money. I would fly to Vegas if I ever decide to have another go. Can't hurt to hear what those close to you, those you respect, have to say. But ultimately I would make sure you and your S.O. decide; not anyone else. Cheers! Good luck.
Not goth by any means, but would loooove to be in that wedding. Weird is relative.
Sarah Jessica Parker wore a totally black wedding dress when she married Matthew Broderick in 1997. She said that she has regretted it ever since. It is/was a beautiful dress.
Absolutely. My friend married on Halloween about forty years ago with a very similar theme to this bride's. She cringes now when she looks at the pics. What's hip and cool when your in your twenties does not stand the test of time.
Load More Replies... NTA. This is a wedding I'd be most excited to attend if I could. Now, to grow out my hair and howl at the moon while I scramble to find a tuxedo XP
You made this comment because you want to brag about your ability to not spell correctly?
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