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Mother Sets An Ultimatum To Her Family After They Refuse To Help Her Do The Chores, Gets Slammed For This
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Parenting, People3 months ago

Mother Sets An Ultimatum To Her Family After They Refuse To Help Her Do The Chores, Gets Slammed For This

People quickly get used to everything good. It all starts with the fact that you are just doing someone a favor, then you are asked to do the same again, then they forget to thank you… and it all ends with the goodwill gesture turning into your routine duty.

Moreover, as soon as you try to “rebel” and refuse to fulfill this particular duty, the same people to whom you once did a favor immediately resent your completely immoral behavior. And actually, how dare you act so badly?

This happens especially often with various household chores – and even if family life began with complete equality in doing the chores, over time, all household work gradually becomes someone else’s responsibility. For example, this happened to the user u/geethanks81, whose post in the AITA Reddit community once became very popular, gaining more than 18.4K upvotes and around 1.4K comments.

More info: Reddit

The author of the post lives with her husband and three teenage children

Image credits: Jeff (not the actual photo)

So, the author of the post has been married for many years, and she and her husband have three teenage children. It just so happened in the OP’s family that initially the children and the husband helped their mom around the house, but somehow, imperceptibly, over time, all cleaning, cooking and other things began to be perceived by the whole family as mom’s exclusive duty. It’s not that they didn’t love her – “well, you know, mom just always does this…”

Image credits: geethanks81

The woman always did all the chores and the rest of her family gradually got accustomed to this

It should be added that the Original Poster was not solely concerned with home and family – she had her own job, and for many years she somehow managed to combine everything. Up to the moment when the woman needed to leave for a business trip for a weekend.

Of course, the OP was well aware that her household would not do their chores as well as she does. Still, she certainly didn’t expect to return to see her house literally in shambles.

Image credits: geethanks81

Returning from a weekend business trip, mom found her house in a complete mess and disgusting disorder

It was a disgusting sight. As the OP herself admits, there were dirty dishes scattered and placed in various corners of her home, trash wasn’t taken out, laundry was strewn over the top of our hamper, toothpaste lining the sink… you could go on and on ad infinitum. Previously, she would have immediately taken to actively restoring order in the house, but this time, the woman decided to teach her family a lesson.

Image credits: geethanks81

She went to the kitchen (uuugh, how could anyone live in such a mess?!), poured herself a full glass of whiskey and sat in the backyard, sipping her drink with great pleasure. Time passed, and then her husband and children arrived…

Mom told them that she wouldn’t do anything, even knowing that guests were about to arrive

Seeing his wife sitting quietly in the middle of this ocean of mess and garbage, the husband first asked if she remembered that his boss was planning to have dinner with them that day. To this, the woman calmly said that she remembered everything perfectly, and serenely asked what her beloved man planned to cook for the visit of his higher-ups.

Image credits: geethanks81

Obviously, there was something special in the woman’s voice, since the husband understood everything and resignedly went to the kitchen. But what the man, who had lived with this woman for two decades, realized, her fourteen-year-old daughter did not get at all. The girl was indignant at the mess in the house, saying that her boyfriend was about to come over, and she was ashamed that he would see all this garbage around.

The children tried to clean everything as the woman’s daughter was also afraid that her boyfriend would see all that mess

The mother also calmly agreed – such a shame, for sure, the daughter should probably just cancel the meeting with the boy. Then the eldest son (perhaps the cleverest one!) understood everything properly, rushing to collect and scrub everything, and urging his sister to join him in this business. Perhaps they would have time to clean everything before the guests arrived…

Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual photo)

But they didn’t make it. The OP’s husband’s boss was a gentleman with great poise – he pretended nothing had happened. Her daughter’s boyfriend did not have such endurance and disgust was literally read on his face. After the guests left, the girl, in tears, accused her mother of betrayal, saying that she would never forgive her. However, the instructive effect of any life lesson depends to a large extent on its timeliness.

People in the comments sided with the mom almost unanimously

Of course, most people in the comments fully supported the OP, agreeing that cleaning the house after a whole weekend is a very troublesome business, and you can’t expect a woman to clean up after her entire slobbish family after returning from a business trip. Probably, commenters say, mom should talk to her husband and children, explaining the absolute inadmissibility of such behavior.

According to the commenters, clear communication would be better, but the OP’s actions communicated her point absolutely brilliantly there. In any case, as people in the comments believe, the original poster’s husband should firstly help his wife around the house, and secondly, re-accustom their children to always clean up after themselves.

As you can see, the more painful a life lesson looks, the more effective it becomes. For example, something similar happened to the heroine of this post of ours, whom her friend once tried to wean from being constantly late. And besides, we, as always, look forward to comments with your opinions on this incredibly instructive tale.

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Izzy Curer
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't see this as passive aggressive behavior. It would have been if it had gone on for any length of time, but she just got home, so she sat down. It's not her responsibility to text everybody about the state of the house. They already know about it. It sounds like she was the only one who didn't have a reason that the house needed to be cleaned right then, except for maybe the only other person on her side, the son.

Vix Spiderthrust
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It can't have mattered that much to them, or they'd have done it themselves. NTA. Although if I were you I'd check to make sure you aren't living in a 50s sitcom.

Bernd Herbert
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What is it with all the women having husbands who do s**t around the house?

LittleMissPanda
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being guilted into marrying basically anyone because "after 30 nobody will want you". Also, having usually much more chores than males during growing up, thus conditioning this (my entire family is/was like this. Men never lifted a finger while women had to slave around). So anyone who doesn't beat you or berates you makes the cut. Then you raise the next generation the same way until someone finally decides to break the cycle. Sad, isn't it?

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Izzy Curer
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't see this as passive aggressive behavior. It would have been if it had gone on for any length of time, but she just got home, so she sat down. It's not her responsibility to text everybody about the state of the house. They already know about it. It sounds like she was the only one who didn't have a reason that the house needed to be cleaned right then, except for maybe the only other person on her side, the son.

Vix Spiderthrust
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It can't have mattered that much to them, or they'd have done it themselves. NTA. Although if I were you I'd check to make sure you aren't living in a 50s sitcom.

Bernd Herbert
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What is it with all the women having husbands who do s**t around the house?

LittleMissPanda
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being guilted into marrying basically anyone because "after 30 nobody will want you". Also, having usually much more chores than males during growing up, thus conditioning this (my entire family is/was like this. Men never lifted a finger while women had to slave around). So anyone who doesn't beat you or berates you makes the cut. Then you raise the next generation the same way until someone finally decides to break the cycle. Sad, isn't it?

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