Bride Wanted To Wear Her Mom’s Wedding Gown To Her Own Wedding, Bridesmaid “Accidentally” Spilled Wine On It
Among the many details brides are concerned about when planning their weddings, the dress usually falls somewhere near the top of the list. It can be incredibly hard to find the perfect gown that makes a bride feel as beautiful and excited as possible for her big day, but it is even more special when she can wear a dress that’s already in the family. Some brides choose to wear a priceless family heirloom that gets to have one more day in the spotlight to honor the past and celebrate the future. But it is important when wearing a dress that’s been handed down to be extremely careful with it. There are not hundreds of the same one sitting in a factory somewhere nearby, so extreme caution must be exercised around it.
Unfortunately for one bride who was married last month, not everyone understood the importance of preserving her mother’s dress. Bridezillaaita3 recently reached out on Reddit wondering if she was in the wrong for blowing up at her friend who spilled wine on her wedding dress. Below, you can read the full story and decide for yourself if it was handled appropriately. Let us know what you think in the comments below, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article featuring wedding dress drama, check out this story next.
This bride recently asked the internet if she was justified in blowing up at her friend for ruining her wedding dress
Image credits: Tara Winstead (not the actual photo)
The bride made it clear to everyone how sentimental the dress was, but one of her bridesmaids did not seem concerned
Image credits: Michelle Leman (not the actual photo)
Although it may seem a bit dramatic to lose a friend over something like a dress, this bride made it very clear how much her mother’s dress meant to her. Even for women who are not wearing a sentimental heirloom at their weddings, the dress is usually one of the most important details. In fact, the bridal wear market in the United States is a multi billion dollar industry. And on average, American brides spend $1,100 on their wedding dresses. It is understandable for any bride to be upset when something happens to their dress, especially on the day of the ceremony.
Another issue some have taken with this story is the use of the term “bridezilla”. This word has been thrown around for decades to shame women for being particular about their weddings and taking out their stress on other people, but the fact is that the word is rooted in sexism. Men are never referred to as “groomzillas”, but in many weddings involving a man and a woman, joint decisions are made. Yet the bride is usually expected to be the face of finalizing all of the details, making many of the decisions about the ceremony, the decorations, the food, etc., but she is also not allowed to exhibit any signs of stress or concern. Otherwise she is swiftly labeled a “bridezilla”.
Nobody likes to be snapped at or to have to deal with a stressed out individual, but it happens all the time. It can happen at work, at the grocery store, on the bus, or at home. We do not go around labeling every person we encounter some form of Godzilla because they were not especially kind to us. And when it comes to brides, if they are snappy or short with you, it is only because they care so much about their big day going perfectly. They should be given some grace. And once it is your big day, you should hope that your friends and family will be patient with you as well.
The bride later explained in the comments that she has since had the dress treated, and the stain is no longer too visible. She is even considering wearing it for a vow renewal in several years if possible, but it is still upsetting that the dress was ever damaged in the first place. Some commenters suspected that the bridesmaid spilled the wine on purpose, but that is only speculation. What do you think about this situation? Do you think this bride was justified in blowing up at her friend or would you have responded differently? We would love to hear your thoughts down below.
Commenters have overwhelmingly sided with the bride, with many suggesting that her bridesmaid is not a true friend
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Definitely NTA. But honestly if it were that sentimental AND only at the bottom I probably would've just worn it anyway. Stain be damned. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Maybe she couldn’t wear it or the stain would be permanent? Idk, but that’d be my guess as to why she couldn’t
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Sentimental value or not. Who tf drinks red wine near an unworn wedding dress?? May be the op fave wine doesn't make it' everyone's! Anna should of stayed tf away from the dress. I'm so sorry u didn't get to wear your mums gown. Anna is 10000% TA
Exactly! Regardless the fact it was her mother's, it's still a wedding dress! Usually those are very expensive and pretty impossible to clean (from RED WINE, one of the toughest stains of all!). It's not a stained t-shirt, where you can go and wear another one, it's a one of a kind dress that can't be easily replaced. I would be soooo careful to not even let the edge touch the ground, every time I'd have to try it on, and she goes near it with RED WINE?! To be honest, if it was a store-bought gown the bridesmaid should have compensated the bride for the damage. Obviously in that case it would have been impossible to estimate a price, because it's "old" and for the sentimental value. The bride is DEFINITELY NOT the donkeyhole here.
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I'm getting a major jealousy vibe from "Anna"... Is it possible that she had feelings for the groom and wanted to sabotage the wedding? Knowing how strongly the bride felt about her mom's dress maybe she was hoping the wedding would be postponed. Walking around the dress is one thing, but leaning towards it to "feel the lace" is something else entirely. No way was this an accident, and no way was the bride acting like a "bridezilla". Her reaction was completely justified, and she was probably more calm than a lot of brides would have been in the same situation (me included!).
I’ve been thinking about how tf the wine glass slipped in her hands??? Because I may be clumsy but not to the extent where I’d spill it on someone’s clothing/dress. This sounded intentional just based on Anna’s reaction. “It wasn’t a big deal” my skinny a s s.
The first thing I thought was someone should have grabbed club soda from the bar, but yes, the MOH is the AH, not the poster.
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Stupid accidents happen all the time. But she was absolutely not sorry about it, which allows you throw her out of window. She is not a friend at all.
My favourite wine is also red, the morning of my wedding we all had a glass of champagne. Had red at the reception. Bride did nothing wrong with chucking Anna out her reaction was terrible.
NTA, not by a long shot. And I'd never speak to any of them again, they're done being friends, they have no grasp of the heartfelt meaning for wearing the dress. Dearest, have another private ceremony after the dress is cleaned, just for you and close family, that you may celebrate your mother the way you wanted to. So very sorry. These "friends" surely didn't care about you at all.
It's lucky they banned smoking inside most hotels or your so-called-friend may have 'accidently' put a black hole in it too with her 'oopsie' passive aggression and cigarette butt!
NTA, and I feel that Anna did it on purpose. Who would drink red wine anywhere near wedding dress?
NTA!! EVERYONE knew the dress had sentimental value, and that you intended to wear the dress in honor of your mom!! The fact that this Anna person not only knew this, but got close to the dress anyway and "spilled" red wine on it was bad enough; but for both her and your bridesmaids made light of it, calling your reaction as no big deal and you a "bridezilla"?? Good thing you fired Anna as bridesmaid; you should have the dress cleaned then send her the bill, and sue her if she doesn't pay you back!
They just "happened" to open the bottle of red wine just when you had left the room?! And then Anna just happened to walk around the room with her red wine all the way across the room Right to where your white wedding dress was hanging and spill on it?!! all these "COINCIDENCES" are clearly intentional !! it seems like her bridal party wanted to sabotage her wedding day!!
Very odd and careless behaviour on the part of the “friend.” If she wanted to look at the dress, she should have put her glass down elsewhere, like any normal, thinking person would do. Once the grievous error was made, she should have owned up to it and apologized profusely, offering to pay for the cleaning. That she didn’t and doubled down is even worse. Reminds me of my wedding day and the day after, I found someone had spilled red wine on the hand crocheted tablecloth my grandmother had made and I had used under the cake. Really?
Sometimes the reaction of the perpetrator is worse than the crime. If she showed true remorse, I would guess that the bride would still be upset but would see that it was a really unfortunate error. 'Anna' came across rude
What if there wasn't a second dress? Anna would've been a-ok with destroying her friend's wedding dress then? As a photographer, I hope this bride treated herself to an "after" session- I hope she got all dolled up again in her dream dress and recreated couple's portraits. Or at the very least, I hope they'll do a private (bye, "friends") vow renewal down the line with her in that dress. This breaks my heart for her!
NTA. You need new friends, sweetie! Even though anyone with an ounce of common sense would not have been anywhere near the dress with wine, I could've tearfully forgiven an accident. What is unforgivable is her nonchalant attitude afterwards. I would've been absolutely MORTIFIED if I'd done that to ANYONE, much less a friend. The others chanting bridezilla aren't much better!
I hate it when people damage something that belongs to you and try to convince you it's not a big deal and you are overreacting. Even if it really isn't, it's not your place to say that. Only for that that bridesmaid is already an a*****e. If she did it intentionally, which seems to be the case, this is a horrible thing to do to anyone, let alone to your friend.
Any bride could be excused for blowing up at a bridesmaid who spills red wine on the wedding dress imediately before the wedding. It's incredibly clumsy, and stupid to have red wine near the dress in the first place. Anyone of any sensitivity would be greatly, and sincerely apologetic and remorseful. And this is before the sentimental value of the dress. Yes, you shouldn't discard a friend over a dress. But a friend would have been sorry. NTA.
They are not real friends. Maybe they haven't lived something similar but there is a thing called E M P A T H Y they would like to live if something they don't like/want happens in their life's 😶
The dress was ruined on purpose. Personally you handled better than I would have if that had been my mother's dress. NTA
If I was anna, i would've been in tears and apologizing nonstop
I'm very clumsy and I don't think I could even manage this feat..."Anna's" reaction was gross though...she had to have done that on purpose to not show ANY remorse...I'd have tried everything to get it cleaned even if it's after the fact. That dress can't be replaced in terms of its sentimental value.
If she was sorry about it then I think the relationship an day could have been saved. But to know the stress and value that dress was to you was stupid of them to even open the wine without you in the room. Sounds like you need all new friends because if I knew that dress was to be protected at all costs it would have been if I had to chuck that wine out of the room to keep it safe. And you could have still worn it if it was soaked in water to flush the wine out. It would have had a light stain but could have made forward facing photos look fine. Unless it was in the front. I think it was said bottom back.
If you sincerely believe that Anna and her co-conspirators did not do this on purpose, then yes, you’d be TAH. They probably thought it was all a big joke and would be funny because you were so cautious. I hope you now have new “friends”, because they definitely weren’t your friends.
I think Anna was jealous and possibly interested in the hibs-to-be. This was definitely on purpose... And Shane on her friends for not going off on Anna for her, she should already have been contrite and ready to apologize when she walked in. The attitudes of everyone in that room is a red flag, get new friends!
You were not a bridezilla OP and that was a cruel thing for your "friends" too say. Like others I also question this being an accident for the simple fact she blew it off and did not give a c**p she damaged the dress and prevented you from wearing it. Do not apologize, tell her to FO and mean it. Fyi, wondering if she has a good relationship with her own mother, if not that is so telling.
I don't buy it being an accident She walks across this large room to a small area with a glass of red wine. She examines the lace with the same glass of red wine. Then "accidentally" spills it ? Oopsies? Hmm. No. Her no big deal reaction to ruining a wedding dress? She did that on purpose.
My sister had a regular new wedding dress with no sentimental past. I spilled soda on it during the reception after the ceremony. She didn't get angry at me but I started crying and apologizing profusely, I felt so bad. I can't imagine reacting the way that "Anna" did in this situation.
That was no accident. It was jealousy and hatefulness! "Anna" did this on purpose, aided & abetted by the other bridesmaids. I would have taken her to Small Claims Court! These are not your friends and never were.
Wine glasses don't "somehow spill", there's always a hand involved.
Seriously?! First off the its not dramatic losing a friend who damaged an item that was a connection to her dead mother, its more than a dress, i mean seriously we opened a bottle of pinot and waljed around?! What are you children who need to be watched?? and the reason men arent called groomzillas is because typically men are told to park it and shut up as its not their day, its the womans day. Woman calls another woman a bridezilla and somehow men are at the center of a thing their typically dismissed from.. All the sense that makes.
Most people don't have a second wedding dress like she did. Under normal circumstances, she would have been left without anything to wear *to her own wedding*.
I was thinking why didn't she wait until the bride put the dress on to see it. When everyone wasn't drinking wine. Or if she really wanted to see it why not put your glass down in the sitting area before going over to see the dress. Why not wait until the bide got back and ask if you can see the dress? I am just saying none of that made sense. I believe Anna was jealous, and had an attitude with the bride making a big deal out of it. I am sure she was mocking the bride when she left out the room to check up on the rest of the wedding. To say some ignorant c**p like you was wearing it it would have got destroyed like that is stupid. How was it going to be destroyed from her walking down the aisle. Nobody is sitting there with drinks in their hands. The bride was not wearing it to the reception there is noway for the dress to be destroyed just by wearing it to get marry in. Especially since she was in the building where the wedding was taking place at.
NTH as someone who has just lost my mum and wore one of her dresses to her funeral as a mark of respect, I can’t believe how inconsiderate the bridesmaids have been. I don’t think there is anything that could repair that damage done, it was a once (hopefully!) in a lifetime chance for her to have a part of her mum with her on her wedding day and it breaks my heart that she wasn’t able to do it
Nta. Apparently your 'friend' is a jealous w***h. Hope you keep her out of your life.
Next to having a child, your wedding is probably THE most important day in your life. It's not just ANY day. So, NOW, not only is your Mom not there (since she's passed), but you don't have the comfort and remembrance of her through the dress. Not to mention, no pix either, due to the unbelievable inconsideration of "Anna"! Her response to her error is what really makes this so very sad for you. I think you handled the whole situation with grace. It's not unforgivable, but I'd think long and hard before continuing that "friendship". NTA
That's not an excuse to ruin a dress with so much sentimental value. Doesn't matter if you think your friend is being too obsessive about HER MOTHER'S WEDDING DRESS THAT SHE'S GONNA WEAR AT HER WEDDING, you have no right to damage another person's belongings.
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Definitely NTA. But honestly if it were that sentimental AND only at the bottom I probably would've just worn it anyway. Stain be damned. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Maybe she couldn’t wear it or the stain would be permanent? Idk, but that’d be my guess as to why she couldn’t
Load More Replies... Sentimental value or not. Who tf drinks red wine near an unworn wedding dress?? May be the op fave wine doesn't make it' everyone's! Anna should of stayed tf away from the dress. I'm so sorry u didn't get to wear your mums gown. Anna is 10000% TA
Exactly! Regardless the fact it was her mother's, it's still a wedding dress! Usually those are very expensive and pretty impossible to clean (from RED WINE, one of the toughest stains of all!). It's not a stained t-shirt, where you can go and wear another one, it's a one of a kind dress that can't be easily replaced. I would be soooo careful to not even let the edge touch the ground, every time I'd have to try it on, and she goes near it with RED WINE?! To be honest, if it was a store-bought gown the bridesmaid should have compensated the bride for the damage. Obviously in that case it would have been impossible to estimate a price, because it's "old" and for the sentimental value. The bride is DEFINITELY NOT the donkeyhole here.
Load More Replies... I'm getting a major jealousy vibe from "Anna"... Is it possible that she had feelings for the groom and wanted to sabotage the wedding? Knowing how strongly the bride felt about her mom's dress maybe she was hoping the wedding would be postponed. Walking around the dress is one thing, but leaning towards it to "feel the lace" is something else entirely. No way was this an accident, and no way was the bride acting like a "bridezilla". Her reaction was completely justified, and she was probably more calm than a lot of brides would have been in the same situation (me included!).
I’ve been thinking about how tf the wine glass slipped in her hands??? Because I may be clumsy but not to the extent where I’d spill it on someone’s clothing/dress. This sounded intentional just based on Anna’s reaction. “It wasn’t a big deal” my skinny a s s.
The first thing I thought was someone should have grabbed club soda from the bar, but yes, the MOH is the AH, not the poster.
Load More Replies... Stupid accidents happen all the time. But she was absolutely not sorry about it, which allows you throw her out of window. She is not a friend at all.
My favourite wine is also red, the morning of my wedding we all had a glass of champagne. Had red at the reception. Bride did nothing wrong with chucking Anna out her reaction was terrible.
NTA, not by a long shot. And I'd never speak to any of them again, they're done being friends, they have no grasp of the heartfelt meaning for wearing the dress. Dearest, have another private ceremony after the dress is cleaned, just for you and close family, that you may celebrate your mother the way you wanted to. So very sorry. These "friends" surely didn't care about you at all.
It's lucky they banned smoking inside most hotels or your so-called-friend may have 'accidently' put a black hole in it too with her 'oopsie' passive aggression and cigarette butt!
NTA, and I feel that Anna did it on purpose. Who would drink red wine anywhere near wedding dress?
NTA!! EVERYONE knew the dress had sentimental value, and that you intended to wear the dress in honor of your mom!! The fact that this Anna person not only knew this, but got close to the dress anyway and "spilled" red wine on it was bad enough; but for both her and your bridesmaids made light of it, calling your reaction as no big deal and you a "bridezilla"?? Good thing you fired Anna as bridesmaid; you should have the dress cleaned then send her the bill, and sue her if she doesn't pay you back!
They just "happened" to open the bottle of red wine just when you had left the room?! And then Anna just happened to walk around the room with her red wine all the way across the room Right to where your white wedding dress was hanging and spill on it?!! all these "COINCIDENCES" are clearly intentional !! it seems like her bridal party wanted to sabotage her wedding day!!
Very odd and careless behaviour on the part of the “friend.” If she wanted to look at the dress, she should have put her glass down elsewhere, like any normal, thinking person would do. Once the grievous error was made, she should have owned up to it and apologized profusely, offering to pay for the cleaning. That she didn’t and doubled down is even worse. Reminds me of my wedding day and the day after, I found someone had spilled red wine on the hand crocheted tablecloth my grandmother had made and I had used under the cake. Really?
Sometimes the reaction of the perpetrator is worse than the crime. If she showed true remorse, I would guess that the bride would still be upset but would see that it was a really unfortunate error. 'Anna' came across rude
What if there wasn't a second dress? Anna would've been a-ok with destroying her friend's wedding dress then? As a photographer, I hope this bride treated herself to an "after" session- I hope she got all dolled up again in her dream dress and recreated couple's portraits. Or at the very least, I hope they'll do a private (bye, "friends") vow renewal down the line with her in that dress. This breaks my heart for her!
NTA. You need new friends, sweetie! Even though anyone with an ounce of common sense would not have been anywhere near the dress with wine, I could've tearfully forgiven an accident. What is unforgivable is her nonchalant attitude afterwards. I would've been absolutely MORTIFIED if I'd done that to ANYONE, much less a friend. The others chanting bridezilla aren't much better!
I hate it when people damage something that belongs to you and try to convince you it's not a big deal and you are overreacting. Even if it really isn't, it's not your place to say that. Only for that that bridesmaid is already an a*****e. If she did it intentionally, which seems to be the case, this is a horrible thing to do to anyone, let alone to your friend.
Any bride could be excused for blowing up at a bridesmaid who spills red wine on the wedding dress imediately before the wedding. It's incredibly clumsy, and stupid to have red wine near the dress in the first place. Anyone of any sensitivity would be greatly, and sincerely apologetic and remorseful. And this is before the sentimental value of the dress. Yes, you shouldn't discard a friend over a dress. But a friend would have been sorry. NTA.
They are not real friends. Maybe they haven't lived something similar but there is a thing called E M P A T H Y they would like to live if something they don't like/want happens in their life's 😶
The dress was ruined on purpose. Personally you handled better than I would have if that had been my mother's dress. NTA
If I was anna, i would've been in tears and apologizing nonstop
I'm very clumsy and I don't think I could even manage this feat..."Anna's" reaction was gross though...she had to have done that on purpose to not show ANY remorse...I'd have tried everything to get it cleaned even if it's after the fact. That dress can't be replaced in terms of its sentimental value.
If she was sorry about it then I think the relationship an day could have been saved. But to know the stress and value that dress was to you was stupid of them to even open the wine without you in the room. Sounds like you need all new friends because if I knew that dress was to be protected at all costs it would have been if I had to chuck that wine out of the room to keep it safe. And you could have still worn it if it was soaked in water to flush the wine out. It would have had a light stain but could have made forward facing photos look fine. Unless it was in the front. I think it was said bottom back.
If you sincerely believe that Anna and her co-conspirators did not do this on purpose, then yes, you’d be TAH. They probably thought it was all a big joke and would be funny because you were so cautious. I hope you now have new “friends”, because they definitely weren’t your friends.
I think Anna was jealous and possibly interested in the hibs-to-be. This was definitely on purpose... And Shane on her friends for not going off on Anna for her, she should already have been contrite and ready to apologize when she walked in. The attitudes of everyone in that room is a red flag, get new friends!
You were not a bridezilla OP and that was a cruel thing for your "friends" too say. Like others I also question this being an accident for the simple fact she blew it off and did not give a c**p she damaged the dress and prevented you from wearing it. Do not apologize, tell her to FO and mean it. Fyi, wondering if she has a good relationship with her own mother, if not that is so telling.
I don't buy it being an accident She walks across this large room to a small area with a glass of red wine. She examines the lace with the same glass of red wine. Then "accidentally" spills it ? Oopsies? Hmm. No. Her no big deal reaction to ruining a wedding dress? She did that on purpose.
My sister had a regular new wedding dress with no sentimental past. I spilled soda on it during the reception after the ceremony. She didn't get angry at me but I started crying and apologizing profusely, I felt so bad. I can't imagine reacting the way that "Anna" did in this situation.
That was no accident. It was jealousy and hatefulness! "Anna" did this on purpose, aided & abetted by the other bridesmaids. I would have taken her to Small Claims Court! These are not your friends and never were.
Wine glasses don't "somehow spill", there's always a hand involved.
Seriously?! First off the its not dramatic losing a friend who damaged an item that was a connection to her dead mother, its more than a dress, i mean seriously we opened a bottle of pinot and waljed around?! What are you children who need to be watched?? and the reason men arent called groomzillas is because typically men are told to park it and shut up as its not their day, its the womans day. Woman calls another woman a bridezilla and somehow men are at the center of a thing their typically dismissed from.. All the sense that makes.
Most people don't have a second wedding dress like she did. Under normal circumstances, she would have been left without anything to wear *to her own wedding*.
I was thinking why didn't she wait until the bride put the dress on to see it. When everyone wasn't drinking wine. Or if she really wanted to see it why not put your glass down in the sitting area before going over to see the dress. Why not wait until the bide got back and ask if you can see the dress? I am just saying none of that made sense. I believe Anna was jealous, and had an attitude with the bride making a big deal out of it. I am sure she was mocking the bride when she left out the room to check up on the rest of the wedding. To say some ignorant c**p like you was wearing it it would have got destroyed like that is stupid. How was it going to be destroyed from her walking down the aisle. Nobody is sitting there with drinks in their hands. The bride was not wearing it to the reception there is noway for the dress to be destroyed just by wearing it to get marry in. Especially since she was in the building where the wedding was taking place at.
NTH as someone who has just lost my mum and wore one of her dresses to her funeral as a mark of respect, I can’t believe how inconsiderate the bridesmaids have been. I don’t think there is anything that could repair that damage done, it was a once (hopefully!) in a lifetime chance for her to have a part of her mum with her on her wedding day and it breaks my heart that she wasn’t able to do it
Nta. Apparently your 'friend' is a jealous w***h. Hope you keep her out of your life.
Next to having a child, your wedding is probably THE most important day in your life. It's not just ANY day. So, NOW, not only is your Mom not there (since she's passed), but you don't have the comfort and remembrance of her through the dress. Not to mention, no pix either, due to the unbelievable inconsideration of "Anna"! Her response to her error is what really makes this so very sad for you. I think you handled the whole situation with grace. It's not unforgivable, but I'd think long and hard before continuing that "friendship". NTA
That's not an excuse to ruin a dress with so much sentimental value. Doesn't matter if you think your friend is being too obsessive about HER MOTHER'S WEDDING DRESS THAT SHE'S GONNA WEAR AT HER WEDDING, you have no right to damage another person's belongings.
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