Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder’s Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn’t Want
Buying an apartment or a house to live in is quite a challenge. Being able to find a perfect place in a great location, looking out for some undisclosed problems, and having to check all of the documentation takes a lot of time, money, and effort. But no matter the struggle, the minute you step into your dream home, it all seems to be worth it. It’s just that for some, this moment comes later rather than sooner. Reddit user @u/throwaway5638134 decided to share her story of buying a house, adding some unexpected twists and asking strangers online for their opinions on the matter. The woman asked others whether she was unreasonable for keeping a wedding dress that she found after buying a hoarder’s house and getting a request from the owner’s granddaughter to get the dress back.
More Info: Reddit
Buying your own place to live is a very exciting yet challenging moment in one’s life
Image credits: Jason Faulkner (not an actual photo)
A 26-year-old woman started her story by stating that in 2018, she bought a big house with 6 bedrooms. The main issue about the house was that it was a hoarder’s house that was filled with various belongings of the previous owner. After the original owner’s death, their relatives sold the house and everything that was in it because, according to the original poster, they couldn’t handle “the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste.” Most people who have heard of hoarding associate it with an excessive collection of various items that may or may not be needed in the future. However, hoarding, which is first recognized as a disorder, hides much deeper problems and very often affects those around the person who suffers from it.
This woman decided to share her journey of getting a hoarded house that she bought into shape and the situation she got involved in after finding some valuables in it
Image credits: u/throwaway5638134
It’s important to remember that hoarding is not similar to collecting, as the latter means that the things collected are arranged and kept in an organized matter, keeping the spaces tidy. Hoarded places are filled with various things that oftentimes look like piles of trash, creating chaos from one corner of the room to the other. Even after cleaning a hoarded place, it takes some time and money to fix it as because of this clutter, the place gets damaged over time. Because of this reason, it took 4 years for the woman, who shared her story online, to finally be done with cleaning and fixing the house.
After an extensive decluttering, the woman found a beautiful wedding dress that she decided to keep for her special day
Image credits: Sian Burkitt (not an actual photo)
The woman also found some personal photos and artwork that she thought would be a good idea to give back to the previous owner’s relatives, so because of this reason, she had some of these people on her Facebook friends list
Image credits: u/throwaway5638134
Despite this being hard and nasty work, the new owner took her time and made an effort to check everything the previous owner had before just tossing it all out. It seems that it paid off as she found some photos and precious memories that she gave back to the relatives who sold the house. But these heartwarming memories weren’t the only thing the woman was lucky to find. Besides this, she also discovered “a stunning ’40s-style, lace-covered wedding dress” and some jewelry. She revealed that despite some minor damages that were quickly repaired, the woman decided to keep the dress and will maybe even wear it on her special day.
The new owner of the house and now the dress was very happy with her findings, so she posted it on Facebook and soon was contacted by the granddaughter of the previous house owner who demanded that she give the dress back
Image credits: u/throwaway5638134
The new owner was so happy with her findings that she shared it on Facebook, forgetting that she still had a granddaughter of the previous house owner on her friends’ list. It didn’t take long for her to see the picture and ask for the dress and heirlooms back. The woman stood her ground and refused because, according to their agreement, the minute she bought the house, she also acquired everything that was in it. However, now the new owner is hesitant about whether she did the right thing by keeping the dress.
The original poster shared that she refused to give the dress back but now is second-guessing her decision. People online were quick to support her idea to keep the finding as it now legally belongs to her
Image credits: chumlee10 (not an actual photo)
A lot of people online expressed their support, stating that she has every right to keep the dress and everything else, as per agreement. Some of the commentators were quick to say that the woman took a significant risk buying a house in such condition and that whatever valuable she found serves as a reward for her hard work. They also tried to explain the granddaughter’s behavior in this situation, as she was already given something back that she didn’t expect. So maybe, she thought that the dress could be another thing that is a memory of her grandmother. What is your take on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
The OP also shared her thoughts on the situation and experiences on having to deal with a hoarder’s house in the comment section
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NTA. It took my family two years and a considerable amount of money to clean out my parents' house. This woman deserves whatever she found, especially given the fact that the relatives wanted nothing to do with the house and its contents until AFTER all the work was done.
I'm already stressed because there are precious, sentimental things that I want from my parents' home but how I will find any of it in their hoarder house I don't know.
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NTA. They didn't want the "heirlooms" badly enough to look for them. Tough.
If she was a hoarder for many years, they probably didn't know the heirlooms existed, or once knew but hadn't seen them in decades. But no, they have no claim on anything from the house.
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NTA First let you clean it for free (so called we pay for it, because you may keep it) and then they want the expensive stuff. Didn't bother to help her when she was alive. My mother worked in a home for ppl with Alzheimer as a receptionist and she said: when one died all of a sudden you saw family who had never visited, to fight over the inheritance.
My brother and his wife tried to pull the same stunt on me. They lived out of state when my mother died, and it was left to me and my husband to clean up her hoarded house. I asked them if they wanted anything, and they told me to take it all to the dump. Months later, they started demanding things as they remembered some of the items they had seen when they had last visited her. By that time, everything that wasn't ruined had been donated. They were angry and accused me of stealing things. They attempted to take over the estate and I had to hire a lawyer. In the end, we lost most of the value to legal fees because of their greed.
I'm so sorry it turned out that way for you. I experienced a similar situation with my siblings when my parents died. I was the executor of the will but they didn't care...
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In my partner extend family, the last of 4 siblings died without a will and the family house went to a cousin that didn't even know about them. It was a mess, the cousin sold it for the land to the city. During the cleaning/destruction 300.000€ were found, it belong to the city. End of the story. He's not even mad, he made a little money he wasn't expecting by selling the house. When you sell something, it stopped being your's.
“So yeah, I want that thing I legally sold you and that you renovated back for free, ‘kay, thanks.” But of course not, my poor, deluded sweetheart. One doesn’t get to demand others property simply because one wants it. Most people learn that when they’re five.
NTA. You bought house and contents. Everything including the dress and jewelry belong to you. These horrible people have no claim on anything you purchased, legally or morally. You're a nice person and these lazy opportunists are counting on that to get their way. Don't give in to them
When my mother died we cleaned her condo it took weeks and she was not a hoarder I can’t image how would be if it was a hoarder’s place.
It sucks...I went through it. We also found contracts and bills for storage units on top of that. It was a nightmare to sort out.
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Not your concern. They could not bother themselves to take care of this person and to clean out the house and find whatever they might want from the house. That's on them. You bought the house with a contract that says everything that's in it is yours... so....everything that's in it is yours.
She paid for the house and contents. The contract said she was paying for the house and contents. The house and contents are therefore hers. She has paid for that dress. It's hers.
So NTA. They only got interested after someone else had spent 10s of 1000s of dollars recovering those item from in amongst the mess and piles of rubbish. Legally there is nothing they can do as the sales contract includes house and CONTENTS. Morally I wouldn’t give these choosing beggars anything either.
I run estate sales and have found some amazing things in hoarder homes. Jackie Kennedy Letter, thousands in coins and jewelry. It's a wonderful feeling to tell a family what you sold everything for! Heck, I have saved gold out of trash cans b/c people don't think it's real. This is why is always pays to hire professionals to handle estates. We know what to look for and how to value it. That said-we'd never touch a hoarder home this bad. It's too dangerous to our health. Kudos to this woman for all her hard work.
NTA, seems like they didn’t want to pay a cleaning service and thought they would have you do all the work and then if anything turned up demand it back? Haha okay. Lazy entitled people.
No one here is making any mention of how they abandoned their mentally I'll relative to live in squaller and then pitch a fit because a wedding dress was found. How they treated that relative is very telling.
As the daughter of a hoarder, I can tell you right now there is NOTHING that you can do. Not legally, not anything. My mother won't let me take anything out of the house. She's refused to let me throw out 20 year old tupperware lids because she thinks she has the mate somewhere. It's traumatizing and often you're so overwhelmed you surrender everything out of stress and despair.
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NTA you have no obligation legally, morally, or any other way to them. You went out of your way to be kind and give, not return, some items they may value. They were yours to do with as you wished. You could have charged them money for those items. Then, one feels entitled and demands something from you.... If they asked, or offered to buy it. Maybe. But if you give in they will continue to take advantage anytime they see anything they like. Draw the line now. Say no and cut all contact. Your life will be better for it.
My father was a hoarder and it was a nightmare to sort out. The lady Bought the house complete with contents so she owns everything. It was kindness that she gifted them the photos etc she owes them nothing. She can do what she wants with anything left in Her house and quite frankly in a Hoarders house I'm surprised that the wedding dress was wearable let alone salvageable. Those houses end up frequently with tremendous structural issues so she took on a mammoth task. She is an Angel not an a**ehole 😇😊
You did all the hard work that they wouldn't and now they expect to reap the benefits. Let's not forget you had the dress cleaned and repaired, no wonder she wanted it. She should have asked nicely if you would consider selling it to her. Would they also expect you to give them the house back because they didn't know how nice it could look?
My husband and I used to clean out hoarders' homes, helping people get all of the money out of their homes as possible before they downsized. Almost every single one was ignored by relatives for long periods, during which the hoarding and secrecy would get worse. For a while, we were finding a LOT of old photos, and returning what we could to these elderly folks. I also worked as a CNA for many years and when we got new folks in, we (husband and I) kept our eyes open just in case we might find more photos that were from these folks. We did, but it was always sad to see all of these photos of smiling people who were so close in the pictures but who weren't anymore, just a bunch of faces and experiences that fade further and further the longer time unspools. Kids' art in trash cans makes me sad as I've got nothing from my youth, no school pictures or macaroni art or cards. So yeah, hoarders are a different lot altogether, and it's just tragic no matter who it is. You are NTA!!
No is a full sentence. If they wanted the items, they should have taken them. Their loss
NTA - if they didn't want to do they work they shouldn't expect to be given the finds. Well done on what you have achieved !!!
who care what a stranger thinks just unfriend her easy fix, plus don't post s**t like that on FB
If the granddaughter had respectfully “asked” if she could have the dress back in exchange for payment for cleaning and repair of the dress, then I might consider it. However, demanding will get you nothing!
NTA. This woman is a saint having the heart and soul to take on, clean up and fix a hoarders home, while being considerate enough to give the family some of the heirlooms. I agree with the explanation that if the family wants the wedding dress and jewelry back so bad they can pay her for it to go towards the costs of the renos the family didn't want to spend on.
There's a YouTuber that bought a house in Canada that belonged to a famous pottery maker. He work was worth thousands. It was also a hoarder house. The people didn't want anything because they didn't want to do the work. There were no clauses in the contract so anything found of value was his. He found many finished pieces of her work that were worth a lot of money. He found a lot of cash also and other valuable items. It took awhile for him to finish it all. He gave family personal pictures and letters and such also. I never heard of they tried to recoup any of the valuables but, I did hear they were upset that no one in the family tried to find anything before selling. It was a beautiful home in the end also.
This is a little tough. OP owns that dress and is NTA for keeping it. She was very nice to even approach the family about the mementos she uncovered. That bring said, the granddaughter probably had no idea that grandmom's dress was in there, let alone survived relatively intact. She was wrong to demand the dress be given to her, but I can understand her desire to have it.
What a great house! You were kind to give back some of the items to the family. The dress is a wonderful find for you. It was waiting to be found to be your wedding dress...enjoy it! You don't need to be friends with anyone on FB to get in touch; send messages through FB messenger. You bought the house and its contents. Period.
You are entitled to keep whatever you found I wouldn't feel bad one minute
Nta. They decided to dump their responsibility on someone else. Already went above and beyond returning the pictures. That was a really great gesture many people would not do. Should be proud.
I understand them not wanting to clear the house themselves. I bet it has been mentally draining on them for years before the grandmother died. I understand them asking for the dress and jewelry. They are only TAs for how they reacted to the rightful owner saying no. She should block them and move on. I hope OP enjoys her home and valuables.
NTA The previous owners relatives had their opportunity to get any family momentos and should be grateful for all the ones you did give to them. I could see selling the dress and other things at a reduced price to be nice IF they had approached you in a respectful manner. But not now, block them all and go on with your life. You put in a lot of time, money and work into clearing out and fixing up that house & whatever you want to keep or toss out is purely your own decision. They’re being rude & disrespectful and you don’t deserve any of that.
NTA. You took a huge risk buying that house 'as is', it could have been destroyed underneath the junk, and this is part of getting some return on your investment. The family could have cleaned the house, or hired someone to clean it out and supervised, and retrieved their mementos etc that way. Then they could have sold the empty house as a fixer upper and made more money. Or they could have bought protective gear and simply searched through the piles for the important stuff and left the rest in situ. They didn't, they took the cheap and easy way to deal with it by selling as is with all the possessions inside. you deserve that wedding dress way more than granddaughter who did nothing to try and find it before the house was sold.
NTA. OP bought the house and everything in it. She's now the legal owner, and the former owner's heirs apparently didn't consider any of the contents important enough to bother with until OP did all the work of cleaning up the mess. They deserve nothing and are legally in no position to demand anything.
NTA. And the relatives are NTA for asking, but totally AH for responding to your "no" by calling you out instead of accepting it.
NTA. If they had reached out for the wedding dress, asking nicely and maybe proposing to rebuy it, I would have understand as it's a precious heirloom past the financial value... But the jewels ? Ho now they want the JEWELS ? After all the cleaning and all... Fudge them
A co worker of mine inherited his uncle's hoarded house in frigid Pennsylvania. Our boss (an AH) would only give him a week to go back there and clean it out. Papers from floor to ceiling; one envelope with $100 bills, one with trash, one with stock certs, 10 with trash, and so on. No heat, light or other electricity. I'm sure he lost tons of money on the place before he had it demolished and the land sold.
They sold her the house with making a point to say everything in it,meaning here's our house trash included cuz we're too darn lazy to clean our own home, she wants the dress back for sentimental value, I'm calling B.S. if she would have spent more quality time taking care of her grandmother and not letting her suffer those horrific living conditions the dress would have been handed down to her by her grandmother in thanks for all her love and care, but that's not the case here now is it..as soon as she got the grandmother's wedding dress she would've sold it! Guaranteed! She should be ashamed of herself. As for the lady who bought the home I commend you on all the hard work it takes to clean up after that type of lifestyle.congrats on your new home,and good luck luv!!
This is actually a very easy situation. You bought the house as is. The contract says the premises, the house and its content whatever it is, it is all yours. So, now you have two options: either you give the items or you sell them. The decision is yours. Easy. You can legally stand on your ground. Now, XYZ is demanding a wedding dress. You can also demand money for it. That is so easy. If you want to keep the dress, keep it. I wouldn't. I would sell it for 10/15 thousand dollars to anyone/shop willing to pay for it and buy my very own brand new wedding dress. You can certainly find something similar and it won't have this history of quarrels.
NTA... Unfortunately I'm a hoarder. My husband and I are going thru all my stuff. He doesn't claim any of it really because he never wanted it in the first place. If I were to die tomorrow and he left it and someone took it upon themselves to clean, fix and restore the items I left behind, I would be honored for you to keep them. You are a kind person and gave some items back, but that doesn't entitle them to everything you find. Cherish them as she tried to.
It's amazing what people leave behind. Ran into a similar situation several years back where they didn't even want Grandma's dog along with any of her stuff! Wound up with the sweetest most gentle Maltese Poodle in the world.
When my parents divorced, she kept her married name because 1. That's the name her credit was under and 2. So she still had the same last name as her xhildre. She later remarried, took his name, but, when she divorced him, went back to her 1st married name again, for the same reasons (credit, and easier on the kids).
I think this all depends on if the 30 something relative was aware this stuff existed and if they had the money to buy the property but passed. Being a person who just lost their last living grandparent, there are things from all of my grandparents and great grandparents..people I knew and loved...that I didn't know existed because I was just a child most of the time I had them alive. Later I found out and was heartbroken I got nothing. As an adult when my other grandparents passed I could never have afforded to buy out my parents and their siblings who inherited and decided who got what. I was gifted some things which I am incredibly grateful for but I could never have afforded to buy the house and all the contents. Now people all over the state have my grandparents things and I don't. If someone got something truly special like a wedding dress I would have loved to have had them back. I don't even know what became of my grandmothers' wedding dresses. I say give them back. Compassion
She should've sent them the pictures and mementos via mail and stay away from the heirs. Keep distance instead of taking them into her FB. What was she thinking!?
NO you cant just leave the end of story like you did. Please let us know what you decided on the dress and jewelry. And show us pictures of the inside of house.
If the previous owner who struggled with hoarding had wanted those items to go the the family members who are demanding them now she would have offered them or willed them to her relatives if she couldn’t bear parting with them while she was alive. It’s possible she did offer things before and was refused. The new owner wants and appreciates them and I think they are in the right hands now and the woman who passed would be satisfied.
Asking and demanding/manipulating are different! I am betting had the approach been different this would not have even ended up post-worthy. Buy them all a copy of the children's book "the little red hen" no one helped bake the bread so no one gets a slice! (Moral of the little red hen if you have never read it)
Back in the day there was a guy that collected everything that was made of or had paper in it. This included books, toys with backer, books, newspapers and whatever. Guy died and kids didn't want anything to do with the house as it was a major fire hazard. A friend told them they should get an estate sale person to sell the stuff. A cleaner came in, cleaned to house, got everything sorted. I spent so much money it was scary. I begged, borrowed and sold everything I could to buy things. Family made 500k from selling stuff. Moral of the story, stupid is as stupid does. Family was a bunch of idiots and got what was coming to them.
Nta. Charge them for the time you took to clean the house then. Then tell them they can have the items back. Im sure you have 100s if not 1000s or hours into cleaning the house. 25 bucks an hour minimum. 20 grand should about cover it
My mother wasn't a hoarder, per say, but she could have used a couple of extra closets for the sewing she did. She told us not to throw away anything without checking for money she might have stashed.
I probably would have never posted the dress or much of anything on social media. Nta
My parents weren't hoarders and it took 6 months to get everything sorted and sold/given/thrown away. One of the aunties is tho (of a sort) and she's got a crapton of all kinds of stuff. She has the desire to thin it out but not enough motivation to get started. Can't move to a smaller place until that's done!
NTA! But if you're feeling a twinge of guilt for keeping an heirloom, you may not enjoy it on your wedding day--you could go wedding dress shopping and try on a few dresses that make you feel fantastic. See how much they cost, then offer to sell the heirloom back for that price and put the money away for your big day. If the family isn't willing to compromise, it really doesn't matter enough for them.
The problem was giving them the personal items in the first place that they, if I read correctly, never mentioned in wanting. They clearly had no interest in what was in the house otherwise it & its contents wouldn't have been sold as is. They are not entitled to them as the sentiment was sold w/ the house.
I'm not sure risks and who put effort into what counts here; what counts is whether when buying a house in this situation, does the purchase include ownership of anything inside of said house. I have no idea how this is arranged, but if there's no will stating that certain items should go to so and so, to whom do the items found in a deceased persons house belong to after the house has been sold? If the household effects (if that's what you call it) are included in the sale because there's no legal ownership of anything, then NTA. If it's not, then someone is the legal owner of said items and thus they belong to them (the persons children, most likely, if they had any). How much time OP spent on this house is irrelevant in such a case.
She is sole owner of the property as is with all the contents
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YTA just for framing this as if you were cleaning a hoarders house. You bought the house. It is now your house. It's now your mess. You don't get brownie points cleaning it - with the house in the condition it was in, you paid less. Ergo, that cleaning was compensated. The treasures are bonuses. You opened the door by making gifts as well as inviting her into your life by adding her to your friends list. Asking isn't demanding, and "demanding" is pretty subjective, especially when the drama is already there by claiming you are cleaning a hoarder's house. (Yes, we know, it was a hoarders house - you willingly went in on the deal, you willingly made gifts and put her on a friends list - it's perfectly reasonable for her to ask, it's perfectly reasonable for them not to know of its existence, it's perfectly reasonable for her to have sentimental desires for this dress in particular because of the grandmother). Both parties are taking it beyond FB courts. It is what it is.
She said above she had a small friends list and account is private. She forgot she had that one family member on her friends list. I agree posting the dress is something I wouldn’t do but I do understand why she did it. Gorgeous future wedding dress. I would’ve put it on and took pics. Probably wouldn’t post them tho
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She says that if they had approached her offering to pay for it, she would have. But they demanded it for free so she lost sympathy.
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If it was so important, the family would have gotten the dress before selling the house AND EVERYTHING IN IT and not wait 4 years and demand it for free.
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She could have asked for the wedding dress back, or offered to pay for the fees in restoring it first, or anything. Instead this granddaughter is demanding that she get for free items that she sold along with the house, after the op paid to fix them.
Load More Replies... NTA. It took my family two years and a considerable amount of money to clean out my parents' house. This woman deserves whatever she found, especially given the fact that the relatives wanted nothing to do with the house and its contents until AFTER all the work was done.
I'm already stressed because there are precious, sentimental things that I want from my parents' home but how I will find any of it in their hoarder house I don't know.
Load More Replies... NTA. They didn't want the "heirlooms" badly enough to look for them. Tough.
If she was a hoarder for many years, they probably didn't know the heirlooms existed, or once knew but hadn't seen them in decades. But no, they have no claim on anything from the house.
Load More Replies... NTA First let you clean it for free (so called we pay for it, because you may keep it) and then they want the expensive stuff. Didn't bother to help her when she was alive. My mother worked in a home for ppl with Alzheimer as a receptionist and she said: when one died all of a sudden you saw family who had never visited, to fight over the inheritance.
My brother and his wife tried to pull the same stunt on me. They lived out of state when my mother died, and it was left to me and my husband to clean up her hoarded house. I asked them if they wanted anything, and they told me to take it all to the dump. Months later, they started demanding things as they remembered some of the items they had seen when they had last visited her. By that time, everything that wasn't ruined had been donated. They were angry and accused me of stealing things. They attempted to take over the estate and I had to hire a lawyer. In the end, we lost most of the value to legal fees because of their greed.
I'm so sorry it turned out that way for you. I experienced a similar situation with my siblings when my parents died. I was the executor of the will but they didn't care...
Load More Replies... In my partner extend family, the last of 4 siblings died without a will and the family house went to a cousin that didn't even know about them. It was a mess, the cousin sold it for the land to the city. During the cleaning/destruction 300.000€ were found, it belong to the city. End of the story. He's not even mad, he made a little money he wasn't expecting by selling the house. When you sell something, it stopped being your's.
“So yeah, I want that thing I legally sold you and that you renovated back for free, ‘kay, thanks.” But of course not, my poor, deluded sweetheart. One doesn’t get to demand others property simply because one wants it. Most people learn that when they’re five.
NTA. You bought house and contents. Everything including the dress and jewelry belong to you. These horrible people have no claim on anything you purchased, legally or morally. You're a nice person and these lazy opportunists are counting on that to get their way. Don't give in to them
When my mother died we cleaned her condo it took weeks and she was not a hoarder I can’t image how would be if it was a hoarder’s place.
It sucks...I went through it. We also found contracts and bills for storage units on top of that. It was a nightmare to sort out.
Load More Replies... Not your concern. They could not bother themselves to take care of this person and to clean out the house and find whatever they might want from the house. That's on them. You bought the house with a contract that says everything that's in it is yours... so....everything that's in it is yours.
She paid for the house and contents. The contract said she was paying for the house and contents. The house and contents are therefore hers. She has paid for that dress. It's hers.
So NTA. They only got interested after someone else had spent 10s of 1000s of dollars recovering those item from in amongst the mess and piles of rubbish. Legally there is nothing they can do as the sales contract includes house and CONTENTS. Morally I wouldn’t give these choosing beggars anything either.
I run estate sales and have found some amazing things in hoarder homes. Jackie Kennedy Letter, thousands in coins and jewelry. It's a wonderful feeling to tell a family what you sold everything for! Heck, I have saved gold out of trash cans b/c people don't think it's real. This is why is always pays to hire professionals to handle estates. We know what to look for and how to value it. That said-we'd never touch a hoarder home this bad. It's too dangerous to our health. Kudos to this woman for all her hard work.
NTA, seems like they didn’t want to pay a cleaning service and thought they would have you do all the work and then if anything turned up demand it back? Haha okay. Lazy entitled people.
No one here is making any mention of how they abandoned their mentally I'll relative to live in squaller and then pitch a fit because a wedding dress was found. How they treated that relative is very telling.
As the daughter of a hoarder, I can tell you right now there is NOTHING that you can do. Not legally, not anything. My mother won't let me take anything out of the house. She's refused to let me throw out 20 year old tupperware lids because she thinks she has the mate somewhere. It's traumatizing and often you're so overwhelmed you surrender everything out of stress and despair.
Load More Replies... NTA you have no obligation legally, morally, or any other way to them. You went out of your way to be kind and give, not return, some items they may value. They were yours to do with as you wished. You could have charged them money for those items. Then, one feels entitled and demands something from you.... If they asked, or offered to buy it. Maybe. But if you give in they will continue to take advantage anytime they see anything they like. Draw the line now. Say no and cut all contact. Your life will be better for it.
My father was a hoarder and it was a nightmare to sort out. The lady Bought the house complete with contents so she owns everything. It was kindness that she gifted them the photos etc she owes them nothing. She can do what she wants with anything left in Her house and quite frankly in a Hoarders house I'm surprised that the wedding dress was wearable let alone salvageable. Those houses end up frequently with tremendous structural issues so she took on a mammoth task. She is an Angel not an a**ehole 😇😊
You did all the hard work that they wouldn't and now they expect to reap the benefits. Let's not forget you had the dress cleaned and repaired, no wonder she wanted it. She should have asked nicely if you would consider selling it to her. Would they also expect you to give them the house back because they didn't know how nice it could look?
My husband and I used to clean out hoarders' homes, helping people get all of the money out of their homes as possible before they downsized. Almost every single one was ignored by relatives for long periods, during which the hoarding and secrecy would get worse. For a while, we were finding a LOT of old photos, and returning what we could to these elderly folks. I also worked as a CNA for many years and when we got new folks in, we (husband and I) kept our eyes open just in case we might find more photos that were from these folks. We did, but it was always sad to see all of these photos of smiling people who were so close in the pictures but who weren't anymore, just a bunch of faces and experiences that fade further and further the longer time unspools. Kids' art in trash cans makes me sad as I've got nothing from my youth, no school pictures or macaroni art or cards. So yeah, hoarders are a different lot altogether, and it's just tragic no matter who it is. You are NTA!!
No is a full sentence. If they wanted the items, they should have taken them. Their loss
NTA - if they didn't want to do they work they shouldn't expect to be given the finds. Well done on what you have achieved !!!
who care what a stranger thinks just unfriend her easy fix, plus don't post s**t like that on FB
If the granddaughter had respectfully “asked” if she could have the dress back in exchange for payment for cleaning and repair of the dress, then I might consider it. However, demanding will get you nothing!
NTA. This woman is a saint having the heart and soul to take on, clean up and fix a hoarders home, while being considerate enough to give the family some of the heirlooms. I agree with the explanation that if the family wants the wedding dress and jewelry back so bad they can pay her for it to go towards the costs of the renos the family didn't want to spend on.
There's a YouTuber that bought a house in Canada that belonged to a famous pottery maker. He work was worth thousands. It was also a hoarder house. The people didn't want anything because they didn't want to do the work. There were no clauses in the contract so anything found of value was his. He found many finished pieces of her work that were worth a lot of money. He found a lot of cash also and other valuable items. It took awhile for him to finish it all. He gave family personal pictures and letters and such also. I never heard of they tried to recoup any of the valuables but, I did hear they were upset that no one in the family tried to find anything before selling. It was a beautiful home in the end also.
This is a little tough. OP owns that dress and is NTA for keeping it. She was very nice to even approach the family about the mementos she uncovered. That bring said, the granddaughter probably had no idea that grandmom's dress was in there, let alone survived relatively intact. She was wrong to demand the dress be given to her, but I can understand her desire to have it.
What a great house! You were kind to give back some of the items to the family. The dress is a wonderful find for you. It was waiting to be found to be your wedding dress...enjoy it! You don't need to be friends with anyone on FB to get in touch; send messages through FB messenger. You bought the house and its contents. Period.
You are entitled to keep whatever you found I wouldn't feel bad one minute
Nta. They decided to dump their responsibility on someone else. Already went above and beyond returning the pictures. That was a really great gesture many people would not do. Should be proud.
I understand them not wanting to clear the house themselves. I bet it has been mentally draining on them for years before the grandmother died. I understand them asking for the dress and jewelry. They are only TAs for how they reacted to the rightful owner saying no. She should block them and move on. I hope OP enjoys her home and valuables.
NTA The previous owners relatives had their opportunity to get any family momentos and should be grateful for all the ones you did give to them. I could see selling the dress and other things at a reduced price to be nice IF they had approached you in a respectful manner. But not now, block them all and go on with your life. You put in a lot of time, money and work into clearing out and fixing up that house & whatever you want to keep or toss out is purely your own decision. They’re being rude & disrespectful and you don’t deserve any of that.
NTA. You took a huge risk buying that house 'as is', it could have been destroyed underneath the junk, and this is part of getting some return on your investment. The family could have cleaned the house, or hired someone to clean it out and supervised, and retrieved their mementos etc that way. Then they could have sold the empty house as a fixer upper and made more money. Or they could have bought protective gear and simply searched through the piles for the important stuff and left the rest in situ. They didn't, they took the cheap and easy way to deal with it by selling as is with all the possessions inside. you deserve that wedding dress way more than granddaughter who did nothing to try and find it before the house was sold.
NTA. OP bought the house and everything in it. She's now the legal owner, and the former owner's heirs apparently didn't consider any of the contents important enough to bother with until OP did all the work of cleaning up the mess. They deserve nothing and are legally in no position to demand anything.
NTA. And the relatives are NTA for asking, but totally AH for responding to your "no" by calling you out instead of accepting it.
NTA. If they had reached out for the wedding dress, asking nicely and maybe proposing to rebuy it, I would have understand as it's a precious heirloom past the financial value... But the jewels ? Ho now they want the JEWELS ? After all the cleaning and all... Fudge them
A co worker of mine inherited his uncle's hoarded house in frigid Pennsylvania. Our boss (an AH) would only give him a week to go back there and clean it out. Papers from floor to ceiling; one envelope with $100 bills, one with trash, one with stock certs, 10 with trash, and so on. No heat, light or other electricity. I'm sure he lost tons of money on the place before he had it demolished and the land sold.
They sold her the house with making a point to say everything in it,meaning here's our house trash included cuz we're too darn lazy to clean our own home, she wants the dress back for sentimental value, I'm calling B.S. if she would have spent more quality time taking care of her grandmother and not letting her suffer those horrific living conditions the dress would have been handed down to her by her grandmother in thanks for all her love and care, but that's not the case here now is it..as soon as she got the grandmother's wedding dress she would've sold it! Guaranteed! She should be ashamed of herself. As for the lady who bought the home I commend you on all the hard work it takes to clean up after that type of lifestyle.congrats on your new home,and good luck luv!!
This is actually a very easy situation. You bought the house as is. The contract says the premises, the house and its content whatever it is, it is all yours. So, now you have two options: either you give the items or you sell them. The decision is yours. Easy. You can legally stand on your ground. Now, XYZ is demanding a wedding dress. You can also demand money for it. That is so easy. If you want to keep the dress, keep it. I wouldn't. I would sell it for 10/15 thousand dollars to anyone/shop willing to pay for it and buy my very own brand new wedding dress. You can certainly find something similar and it won't have this history of quarrels.
NTA... Unfortunately I'm a hoarder. My husband and I are going thru all my stuff. He doesn't claim any of it really because he never wanted it in the first place. If I were to die tomorrow and he left it and someone took it upon themselves to clean, fix and restore the items I left behind, I would be honored for you to keep them. You are a kind person and gave some items back, but that doesn't entitle them to everything you find. Cherish them as she tried to.
It's amazing what people leave behind. Ran into a similar situation several years back where they didn't even want Grandma's dog along with any of her stuff! Wound up with the sweetest most gentle Maltese Poodle in the world.
When my parents divorced, she kept her married name because 1. That's the name her credit was under and 2. So she still had the same last name as her xhildre. She later remarried, took his name, but, when she divorced him, went back to her 1st married name again, for the same reasons (credit, and easier on the kids).
I think this all depends on if the 30 something relative was aware this stuff existed and if they had the money to buy the property but passed. Being a person who just lost their last living grandparent, there are things from all of my grandparents and great grandparents..people I knew and loved...that I didn't know existed because I was just a child most of the time I had them alive. Later I found out and was heartbroken I got nothing. As an adult when my other grandparents passed I could never have afforded to buy out my parents and their siblings who inherited and decided who got what. I was gifted some things which I am incredibly grateful for but I could never have afforded to buy the house and all the contents. Now people all over the state have my grandparents things and I don't. If someone got something truly special like a wedding dress I would have loved to have had them back. I don't even know what became of my grandmothers' wedding dresses. I say give them back. Compassion
She should've sent them the pictures and mementos via mail and stay away from the heirs. Keep distance instead of taking them into her FB. What was she thinking!?
NO you cant just leave the end of story like you did. Please let us know what you decided on the dress and jewelry. And show us pictures of the inside of house.
If the previous owner who struggled with hoarding had wanted those items to go the the family members who are demanding them now she would have offered them or willed them to her relatives if she couldn’t bear parting with them while she was alive. It’s possible she did offer things before and was refused. The new owner wants and appreciates them and I think they are in the right hands now and the woman who passed would be satisfied.
Asking and demanding/manipulating are different! I am betting had the approach been different this would not have even ended up post-worthy. Buy them all a copy of the children's book "the little red hen" no one helped bake the bread so no one gets a slice! (Moral of the little red hen if you have never read it)
Back in the day there was a guy that collected everything that was made of or had paper in it. This included books, toys with backer, books, newspapers and whatever. Guy died and kids didn't want anything to do with the house as it was a major fire hazard. A friend told them they should get an estate sale person to sell the stuff. A cleaner came in, cleaned to house, got everything sorted. I spent so much money it was scary. I begged, borrowed and sold everything I could to buy things. Family made 500k from selling stuff. Moral of the story, stupid is as stupid does. Family was a bunch of idiots and got what was coming to them.
Nta. Charge them for the time you took to clean the house then. Then tell them they can have the items back. Im sure you have 100s if not 1000s or hours into cleaning the house. 25 bucks an hour minimum. 20 grand should about cover it
My mother wasn't a hoarder, per say, but she could have used a couple of extra closets for the sewing she did. She told us not to throw away anything without checking for money she might have stashed.
I probably would have never posted the dress or much of anything on social media. Nta
My parents weren't hoarders and it took 6 months to get everything sorted and sold/given/thrown away. One of the aunties is tho (of a sort) and she's got a crapton of all kinds of stuff. She has the desire to thin it out but not enough motivation to get started. Can't move to a smaller place until that's done!
NTA! But if you're feeling a twinge of guilt for keeping an heirloom, you may not enjoy it on your wedding day--you could go wedding dress shopping and try on a few dresses that make you feel fantastic. See how much they cost, then offer to sell the heirloom back for that price and put the money away for your big day. If the family isn't willing to compromise, it really doesn't matter enough for them.
The problem was giving them the personal items in the first place that they, if I read correctly, never mentioned in wanting. They clearly had no interest in what was in the house otherwise it & its contents wouldn't have been sold as is. They are not entitled to them as the sentiment was sold w/ the house.
I'm not sure risks and who put effort into what counts here; what counts is whether when buying a house in this situation, does the purchase include ownership of anything inside of said house. I have no idea how this is arranged, but if there's no will stating that certain items should go to so and so, to whom do the items found in a deceased persons house belong to after the house has been sold? If the household effects (if that's what you call it) are included in the sale because there's no legal ownership of anything, then NTA. If it's not, then someone is the legal owner of said items and thus they belong to them (the persons children, most likely, if they had any). How much time OP spent on this house is irrelevant in such a case.
She is sole owner of the property as is with all the contents
Load More Replies... YTA just for framing this as if you were cleaning a hoarders house. You bought the house. It is now your house. It's now your mess. You don't get brownie points cleaning it - with the house in the condition it was in, you paid less. Ergo, that cleaning was compensated. The treasures are bonuses. You opened the door by making gifts as well as inviting her into your life by adding her to your friends list. Asking isn't demanding, and "demanding" is pretty subjective, especially when the drama is already there by claiming you are cleaning a hoarder's house. (Yes, we know, it was a hoarders house - you willingly went in on the deal, you willingly made gifts and put her on a friends list - it's perfectly reasonable for her to ask, it's perfectly reasonable for them not to know of its existence, it's perfectly reasonable for her to have sentimental desires for this dress in particular because of the grandmother). Both parties are taking it beyond FB courts. It is what it is.
She said above she had a small friends list and account is private. She forgot she had that one family member on her friends list. I agree posting the dress is something I wouldn’t do but I do understand why she did it. Gorgeous future wedding dress. I would’ve put it on and took pics. Probably wouldn’t post them tho
Load More Replies... She says that if they had approached her offering to pay for it, she would have. But they demanded it for free so she lost sympathy.
Load More Replies... If it was so important, the family would have gotten the dress before selling the house AND EVERYTHING IN IT and not wait 4 years and demand it for free.
Load More Replies... She could have asked for the wedding dress back, or offered to pay for the fees in restoring it first, or anything. Instead this granddaughter is demanding that she get for free items that she sold along with the house, after the op paid to fix them.
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