Woman Refuses To Let Her Boyfriend Have Her Bank Account Info To Buy His Son A Present, Relationship Drama Ensues
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that money is one of the most common subjects couples argue about. In fact, a 2019 study from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville found that regardless of the happiness level within the relationship, money is a topic that romantic partners consistently disagree on. And unfortunately, Reddit user Dices1433 had to experience it firsthand.
A few days ago, she submitted a story to the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ community, asking its members to help her make sense of the recent conflict she had with her boyfriend—the man said he wanted to buy a gift for his son and asked her to give him her bank details that would’ve allowed him to withdraw funds on her behalf, but she refused.
The two of them quickly got into a fight, and eventually, it turned out that the guy even intended to spend the money on something else.
This woman didn’t want to give her boyfriend the means to access her personal bank account
Image credits: Guzmán Barquín (Not the actual photo)
And he made a really big deal out of it
Their disagreement kept escalating
Image credits: Julia Taubitz (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: Dices1433
When you’re in a committed relationship, finance is important. 48% of Americans who are married or living with a partner say they argue with the person over money, according to a survey by The Cashlorette. Most of those fights are about spending habits: 60% said that one person spends too much or the other is too cheap.
Such conflicts can have serious consequences. In many cases, they are the number one predictor of whether or not you’ll end up divorced, according to a study of more than 4,500 couples. “Financial disagreements did predict divorce more strongly than other common problem areas like disagreements over household tasks or spending time together,” the people behind the research concluded.
What often makes matters even worse, according to data from a 2021 study of 1,713 couples conducted by Fidelity, is that roughly 40% of people in a serious relationship don’t know how much their partner makes.
These results came despite 71% of respondents saying they communicate “very well” with their significant other, and 25% saying they communicate about money “exceptionally well.”
Many couples are simply too hesitant to have full, honest discussions about money. “Life is busy and people don’t necessarily take the time to talk about their finances,” Stacey Watson, senior vice president of Life Event Planning at Fidelity, told CNBC Make It. “Money can be an uncomfortable topic.”
And people thought it was him who was being a jerk
To help pave the road to better marital finances and relationships, experts at Investopedia put together some of the most common issues and challenges to look out for:
1. What’s Mine, Yours, Ours. Sometimes, when each spouse works and they can’t agree on financial nuances or find the time to talk about them, they decide to split the bills down the middle or allocate them in some other fair and equitable manner. When the bills have been covered, each spouse can spend what they have left as they want. It sounds like a reasonable plan, but it can build resentment over the individual purchases made. It also divides spending power, eliminating much of the financial value of marriage, as well as the ability to plan for long-term goals such as buying a home or securing retirement. Plus, it can lead to relationship-ruining behavior like financial infidelity, wherein one spouse hides money from the other.
Bill splitting also pushes down the road any planning and consensus-building about how financial burdens will be handled if one spouse loses a job; decides to cut back on hours or take a pay cut to try out a new career; leaves the workforce to raise children, go back to school, or care for a parent; or if there’s any other situation in which one partner may have to financially support the other. Couples owe it to themselves to have a conversation about such contingencies well before any of them happen.
2. Debt. From school and car loans to credit cards and even gambling habits, most people come to the altar with financial baggage. If one partner has more debt than the other—or if one partner is debt-free—the sparks can start to fly when discussions about income, spending, and debt servicing come up.
People in such situations may take some solace in knowing that debts brought into a marriage stay with the person who incurred them and are not extended to a spouse. It won’t hurt your credit rating, which is linked to Social Security numbers and tracked individually. That said, in most states (those that operate under what is called common law), debts incurred after marriage jointly are owed by both spouses.
Note that there are nine states in which all property (and debts) are shared after marriage regardless of individual or joint account status. They are Arizona, California, Nevada, Idaho, Washington, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, and Wisconsin. In these community-property states, you are not liable for most of your spouse’s debt that was incurred before marriage, but any debt incurred after the wedding is automatically shared—even when applied for individually.
3. Personality. Personality can play a big role in discussions and habits about money. Even if both partners are debt-free, the age-old conflict between spenders and savers can play out in multiple ways. It is important to know what your money personality is—as well as that of your partner—and to discuss these differences openly.
Briefly, some people are natural savers who may be viewed as cheapskates and risk-averse, some are big spenders and like to make a statement, and others take pleasure in shopping and buying. Others rack up debt—often mindlessly—while some are natural investors who delay satisfaction for future self-sufficiency. Many of us may display more than one of these characteristics at a given time, but will usually revert to one main type. Whichever profile you and your spouse most closely fit, it’s best to recognize bad habits, address them, and moderate them.
4. Power Plays. Power plays often occur in the following scenarios:
- One partner has a paid job and the other does not;
- Both partners would like to be working but one is unemployed;
- One spouse earns considerably more than the other;
- One partner comes from a family that has money and the other doesn’t.
When one or more of these situations is present, the money earner (or the one who makes or has the most money) often wants to dictate the couple’s spending priorities. Although there may be some rationale behind this idea, it is still important that both partners cooperate as a team. Keep in mind that while a joint account offers greater transparency and access, it is not in itself a solution to an unbalanced power/money dynamic in a marriage.
5. Children. To have or not to have? That’s usually the first question. Food, clothing, shelter, Little League, ballet, designer jeans, prom gowns, minivans, and college are all part of a long list of child-related expenses. These don’t include expenses for offspring who have already left the nest. That’s assuming your kids will leave the nest. Some never do.
Of course, having kids isn’t just about the cost. If one partner cuts their hours, works from home, or leaves a career to raise children, couples should address how that changes marriage dynamics, assumptions about retirement, lifestyle, and more.
6. Extended Family. Co-managing finances and respecting the goals, needs, and expectations each spouse has regarding their extended family can be especially tricky.
Take, for example, her mom—she wants a vacation in Vegas. His parents need a new car. Her brother can’t make the rent. His sister’s husband lost his job. Now one spouse is writing a check and the other wants to know why that money wasn’t used to address needs at home or fund a vacation for “us.” When a serious crisis arises—illness, a major storm, an unexpected death—the pressure can be magnified.
Family money dynamics work the other way, too. His mom will pay to fly him home for the holidays. Her mom will fund a new car because the one she’s driving is a Honda, not a Lexus. Her mom buys the grandkids extravagant gifts and his mom can’t afford to match that kind of spending. The joys of a family often extend right into your wallet (pardon the sarcasm).
It’s impossible for two people to agree on every single thing. But by talking to each other, they can at least set boundaries, compromise, and find a lesser evil than falling apart. Assuming one of them isn’t a leech, of course.
After a while, the woman made an update on the situation, and it made the man look even worse
Get out of that relationship. The guy is a leech. Stay with him, and you'll lose tons of money that you'll never get back.
He's even trying to mooch money on behalf of his buddies.
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Oh, yes. Even getting it into his head to ask for bank account information - strike one. DEMANDING said Information - strike two. Getting gosh-on-a-cinnamon-bun darned ANGRY when not getting it - strike three. Using his own SON, who has no guilt in this, as a weapon for guilt tripping - strike four. DEMANDING an honest to sweet polka dot on a tricycle christ APOLOGY, not just to the child but to his own grown asś self - strike five. LYING UP THE WHOLE THING - strike… eh, I’m sorry, I lost count because of the gargantuan, Godzilla-could-use-this-as-bed-sheet sized, crimson red flag that’s limiting my field of vision… oh yeah - that’d be strike six through two hundred. And that, friends and neighbours, makes an impossible game. I am in total agreement with kath morgan on this - leech walking as a man (baby), will keep demanding OPs money, will keep gaslighting, will keep guilt tripping, will keep lying. Ditch the dìck and don’t look back.
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Just nope out of there. I've been married since 2009. My wife and I have separate accounts, no joint account. We will transfer each other money as needed but we do not have access to each other's bank accounts. The only times I have seen hers was when she needed help setting up a payee to transfer money. Another way could have been to say that you will purchase the device yourself and ask for where he saw it. The reaction would have been interesting to say the least
The most concerning thing here is the need to "think about this and see what happens". What happens is: you dump his a**e, block him on all social and unsocial channels, and get therapy if necessary to get over your grief at losing the interaction with kids you've known for less than a year.
The BF is still lying to OP because if he actually needed the money for a friends car repair it would not have been so urgent that he needed access to her bank account instead of waiting until she got home to transfer the money. He’s likely a drug user or gambler and is grooming her to be his ATM.
Wow she sounds like a wonderful person and he sounds like absolute trash. She deserves SO much better. Someone who wont use her, lie to her, manipulate her, use his children against her, or shame her for his own mistakes. I hope she realizes her worth and finds a partner who realizes it also.
Please don't call him and don't ever give your account details, don't give him a dime you owe him nothing, you owe him nothing and be careful this man is gold digger, apology to his son what arrant nonsensical
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Dump him instantly. And see a lawyer about preparing the groundwork for a restraining order. Because you're probably going to need one.
Partner? Hardly... They maintain separate households, have 100% separate incomes, have no communal expenses or assets, are not co-owners of a business, and have 100% separate lives, that only meet occasionally for dates, sex, and have fun with the kids... The term is "Friends With Benefits." Anyone else have a feeling that those occasional splurges of $30-60 are NOT being spent on the kids?
That's literally called dating; what friends with benefits spend time with your kids lmao hush
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YIKES. it's a conversation to have in every relationship, what you want the financial situation to look like, but not 8 months in and certainly not with demanding and lying, wtf
This stupid woman is talking herself into staying with him. Also, it doesn't register with her that this scumbag is using his kids as leverage and manipulation, she only sees how it effects HER. If you read her comments on reddit, you'll see she's waffling and making excuses. Lots of people are calling her out for it.
A lot of women are dumb like this I've noticed. Will do anything to not be single. It's mind boggling.
Load More Replies... After reading your update that is even more reason to walk away. That is a pretty serious lie and where will it stop? Short answer, it won't.
Just that once could turn into a lot more. Good to stand the ground there. 8 months isn't a relationship. It's a friendship w some romance. He should budget better. Just because he found something for his kid doesn't mean he had to go over the cost he could afford. I'm sure he would have played with it too. Prob nothing you would use even. An then the games an accessories too. Ya don't fuel his $ to keep his kids happy. Walk away.
Of course NTA but don't these people have mobile phones to wire the money?
I was thinking that, like transferring £200 could be done in less than a minute using a banking app
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I wager that $300 wasn't just for a mate. I'd say it was to pay for his other gf's car. If hes lying about basics, hes going to lie about major things now OP is sucked in The guy is a lying scumbag, hopefully OP doesn't go back.
I would DUMP his fooking a$$. He lied to get some money and wanted your bank account? Lemme tell you - I had been burned with that sh!t!
The guy sounds like a con - you know the ones they do documentaries about like the Tender Swindler? What gets me is that the truth can be glaringly apparent, and the abused says, "let me think about this." - she who hesitates is lost.
Dang! My husband doesn't even have my banking information. I don't have his, either.
She'd have to be a complete idiot to ever have anything to do with this jackass again. No one is THAT good in bed to be worth this.
This year my hubby and I make 13 year together, he never never never use my bank account, he never ask for my passwords or anything else. If he had a problem with a payment online (always is because his bank sucks really), he ask me if he can pay with my credit card and I give him the info for payment, and he give me the cash in that moment.
Is this even real? With the countless number of banking apps out now and with modern technology, we can transfer money from one account to another without needing personal bank info.
I was thinking maybe the OP is one of those people who aren't used to using banking apps. Plus, her 'boyfriend' was specifically asking for her banking details.
Load More Replies... Please tell me OP broke up with this dude. I'm 32 years old and dating is hard enough as it is, being gaslit and lied to within 8mos in is a reason to not give anymore time into the relationship no matter how great those kids are. They're not her kids to begin with. Idk. This one made me significantly angry.
Hon, you already know the answer, and that's to block him, and be done with him. He took advantage of your kindness, and generosity, and y'all have only been together 8 months! He shouldn't of ever had you pay anything for his children, and now it's his buddies too, because he's telling them that you'll give him money any time he snaps his fingers. If you get involved with someone with children again, don't be so quick to pull out your wallet. Wait until y'all have been together longer, and are really serious, because at 8 months he's not your partner. Maybe the kids will get upset, because if he lied to you, then you know that he lied to them too, he's a lying mooch. No real man would push a woman for her personal information, and good for you for sticking to your boundaries. This guy is a walking red flag. If you come home, and he's sitting there again, don't get out of the car, dial 911, and tell them to remove your ex off your property, if he has a key get your locks chang
Not only is he lying, but he's blowing up and demanding she APOLOGIZE even when she *agrees* again to loan him money. I suspect the car repair story is just another lie. He needed to come up with something that would (if she still agreed to lend him the money, which I'm sure he was hoping) would explain why the money would disappear without her being able to see where it went or any tangible result. At this point in this man's journey, there is no way OP will be able to turn his ship around from where it's headed, and he's clearly accelerating. She needs to get out before she's too invested emotionally (and legally).
My bestie had an ex like that. He stole a lot of money from her, gambled it away, all the while convincing himself that 'it's for them' (Don't ask me how he justified that. maybe he was hoping for a big win and wanted to pay her back?) He is actually a fairly nice guy and once he quit gambling and learned a new job, he really pulled himself uout of this gabyss. But in that time, he was an addict and his behaviour was criminal. The guy tried to steal from her. It really is that simple.
i was married for 32 yrs and we had separate banking accounts. mostly because the reality is that two people can't manage a checking/savings account especially when one of them (him) doesn't put things in the registers. we never shared financial info. wasn't like we didn't trust each other (well...towards the end of the marriage there were some issues so was glad that the situation was like it was from day one) but a boyfriend/partner demanding that info? RUN!
Kind of in the same spot myself. I am really considering being single again.
After all this, she is still wondering whether she was stupid and irrational?? OMG, woman, RUN!!
Sounds like my ex-husband. Don't fall for that s**t. My ex would go out and buy stupid stuff for his own self instead of paying a bill or getting necessities for our 2 kids. If I would say something about it he would cuss me out and call me "greedy" "it's always about you" then proceed to do the same thing to our oldest daughter. I finally got the guts and left him back in 2017 and took the kids. Now he doesn't wants anything to do with the kids(they r 14 and 19). He lied to my youngest daughter last night after she begged him to call and he talked to her for not even a minute saying he was at the bar working. Found out he was at a concert with his gf (that he cheated on me with since 2016) and spent right at $1k for tickets for him and her. LEAVE DUDE BEFORE HE DOES WHAT MY EX DID TO ME AND HIS 2 KIDS!
So he let his son know what he tried to do. Hmmm. I would say do not go back. What does it say about boyfriend and his circle that none of them had $300 for a car repair -- not just money in bank but no credit cards, either, apparently. And these are not people just out of school.
I've been married over 15 years and have no idea what the details are of my wife's own bank account, we have a joint account to pay a certain amount in every month and the rest is her business, just as mine is my business. We don't hide things we just have trust.
There are people who makes it their career, literally, to date someone, sometimes marry them, stay with them for YEARS in order to beget close enough to steal them blind and disappear like beer on a hot day. These are some warning flags, about his lack of respect for OP if nothing else.
Easily one of the dumbest questions to ever be posted on this freaking website. If someone is actually second guessing themselves over not giving up their bank info to ANYONE, especially when the reason they're second guessing themselves is their partner trying to guilt trip them because they need money, their finances are seriously on borrowed time. It might be their current partner, might be his kids, maybe the next partner, but they'll be taken to the cleaners eventually.
Major red flag alert! I've been with my partner for 8 years and we have a joint account for bills but my main account is mine and mine only. I once dated a gaslighter, although the term wasn't in use at the time, and he suggested my wages go into his account and he give me spending money. Interesting, as he was part time earning minimum wage and I earned more than double what he did. Your money is yours. Also maybe think about any other behaviour that might be red flags.
Absolutely not. This is the reason apps like Cashapp and Zelle exist. He wanted your bank account info to rob you. You shouldn't be with an almost 40 yo who doesn't have the disposable income to buy a video game console anyway. How paycheck to paycheck is this guy?
Oh hell no. I don't care who you are, you ain't getting into my back accounts. Period.
Been there, done that. I have an ex my credit card. He wasn't malicious, but it was still shocking to see several hundred dollars spent on a card I was responsible for. As I said, in my case he wasn't malicious... After about five years of hounding him he finally paid me back.
Please for the love of DAVID BOWIE get out of this situationship, NOW!
I NEVER date any one with kids or grand kids! Better she sees this guys true colors now instead of after they get married...it's only 8 months so RUN NOW!
Only two other people other than myself have my banking and financial information and that is my parents. My mother does my taxes and is essentially my power of attorney in case something happens to me. Both of my parents were on my bank account when I first got it and I have just felt more comfortable with them still being on it.
He is a fraudster, babe be wise and ditch the bastard before it is too late, believe he will use your bank details to obtain loan or commit fraudulent activities like scamming people
Get out of that relationship.. you may love those kids but their dad dont love you he only with you for the money and blames you when things dont go right for him .. he has 3 kids how is he supporting him loose the money sucking leech before it's too late for you and your finances
Love the kids from afar. They got along, because he had to. In all my 60 years, never had a date, boyfriend or husband ask for my bank info. I'm really surprise he held off on showing his bullying, gaslighting tendencies for so long. Bet if she looks back, she will find he has been bullying her lightly the whole time. He is a liar and like the old adage says, scratch a liar, find a cheater. He is going to blow her phone up more, if she tells him no more relationship. This she needs to prepare for and forward every VM, email, text to a folder. His abusive ranting is the red flag and he is not going to let his cash cow get away, easily. He has put a lot of months into buttering her up. If she stays with this guy, well, can't say she didn't know; just add him to the account.
Definitely I agreed with everyone here, that boyfriend ain’t worth for sh*t! He’s definitely up to something if he’s asking for your bank info. I mean it’s not YOUR KIDS that you gave birth to, why should you do all the paying for them? I had been in a committed relationship for over 20+ years and we both have separate bank accounts, thank gawd! My man is a big spender.
Run. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we have separate accounts. We own a home and a few vehicles and split bills and repairs. My husband is proud that I make more than him and pushes me to save. He comes from money and I do not. I do Christmas for all 7 kids and grandchildren and he does birthdays. Of course we always say it's from both of us. It's how we split things. If he is willing to lie and manipulate you for a few dollars up to hundreds of dollars...run. it will get worse. You have no attachment to this man, thank God! Easy break. Don't wait until it's too late. Protect yourself. You deserve more than that.
Commenting before reading: just the title alone means this woman had better run and already be broken up with this ahole
If this was a woman with 3 kids and the same scenario, everyone would be on her like white on rice saying that he should leave and he's a simp for taking care of her kids. Ima need ladies to get on code and do the same. If single moms aren't good enough, neither are single dads. He needs to get his s**t together
The ONLY method of her getting money to him that he deemed acceptable was direct access to her bank account? He straight-up lied to her about what the money he "requested" was supposedly for? He's raging and bullying because she set her boundary? WHAT possible side does this guy HAVE?
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Get out of that relationship. The guy is a leech. Stay with him, and you'll lose tons of money that you'll never get back.
He's even trying to mooch money on behalf of his buddies.
Load More Replies... Oh, yes. Even getting it into his head to ask for bank account information - strike one. DEMANDING said Information - strike two. Getting gosh-on-a-cinnamon-bun darned ANGRY when not getting it - strike three. Using his own SON, who has no guilt in this, as a weapon for guilt tripping - strike four. DEMANDING an honest to sweet polka dot on a tricycle christ APOLOGY, not just to the child but to his own grown asś self - strike five. LYING UP THE WHOLE THING - strike… eh, I’m sorry, I lost count because of the gargantuan, Godzilla-could-use-this-as-bed-sheet sized, crimson red flag that’s limiting my field of vision… oh yeah - that’d be strike six through two hundred. And that, friends and neighbours, makes an impossible game. I am in total agreement with kath morgan on this - leech walking as a man (baby), will keep demanding OPs money, will keep gaslighting, will keep guilt tripping, will keep lying. Ditch the dìck and don’t look back.
Load More Replies... Just nope out of there. I've been married since 2009. My wife and I have separate accounts, no joint account. We will transfer each other money as needed but we do not have access to each other's bank accounts. The only times I have seen hers was when she needed help setting up a payee to transfer money. Another way could have been to say that you will purchase the device yourself and ask for where he saw it. The reaction would have been interesting to say the least
The most concerning thing here is the need to "think about this and see what happens". What happens is: you dump his a**e, block him on all social and unsocial channels, and get therapy if necessary to get over your grief at losing the interaction with kids you've known for less than a year.
The BF is still lying to OP because if he actually needed the money for a friends car repair it would not have been so urgent that he needed access to her bank account instead of waiting until she got home to transfer the money. He’s likely a drug user or gambler and is grooming her to be his ATM.
Wow she sounds like a wonderful person and he sounds like absolute trash. She deserves SO much better. Someone who wont use her, lie to her, manipulate her, use his children against her, or shame her for his own mistakes. I hope she realizes her worth and finds a partner who realizes it also.
Please don't call him and don't ever give your account details, don't give him a dime you owe him nothing, you owe him nothing and be careful this man is gold digger, apology to his son what arrant nonsensical
Load More Replies... Dump him instantly. And see a lawyer about preparing the groundwork for a restraining order. Because you're probably going to need one.
Partner? Hardly... They maintain separate households, have 100% separate incomes, have no communal expenses or assets, are not co-owners of a business, and have 100% separate lives, that only meet occasionally for dates, sex, and have fun with the kids... The term is "Friends With Benefits." Anyone else have a feeling that those occasional splurges of $30-60 are NOT being spent on the kids?
That's literally called dating; what friends with benefits spend time with your kids lmao hush
Load More Replies... YIKES. it's a conversation to have in every relationship, what you want the financial situation to look like, but not 8 months in and certainly not with demanding and lying, wtf
This stupid woman is talking herself into staying with him. Also, it doesn't register with her that this scumbag is using his kids as leverage and manipulation, she only sees how it effects HER. If you read her comments on reddit, you'll see she's waffling and making excuses. Lots of people are calling her out for it.
A lot of women are dumb like this I've noticed. Will do anything to not be single. It's mind boggling.
Load More Replies... After reading your update that is even more reason to walk away. That is a pretty serious lie and where will it stop? Short answer, it won't.
Just that once could turn into a lot more. Good to stand the ground there. 8 months isn't a relationship. It's a friendship w some romance. He should budget better. Just because he found something for his kid doesn't mean he had to go over the cost he could afford. I'm sure he would have played with it too. Prob nothing you would use even. An then the games an accessories too. Ya don't fuel his $ to keep his kids happy. Walk away.
Of course NTA but don't these people have mobile phones to wire the money?
I was thinking that, like transferring £200 could be done in less than a minute using a banking app
Load More Replies... I wager that $300 wasn't just for a mate. I'd say it was to pay for his other gf's car. If hes lying about basics, hes going to lie about major things now OP is sucked in The guy is a lying scumbag, hopefully OP doesn't go back.
I would DUMP his fooking a$$. He lied to get some money and wanted your bank account? Lemme tell you - I had been burned with that sh!t!
The guy sounds like a con - you know the ones they do documentaries about like the Tender Swindler? What gets me is that the truth can be glaringly apparent, and the abused says, "let me think about this." - she who hesitates is lost.
Dang! My husband doesn't even have my banking information. I don't have his, either.
She'd have to be a complete idiot to ever have anything to do with this jackass again. No one is THAT good in bed to be worth this.
This year my hubby and I make 13 year together, he never never never use my bank account, he never ask for my passwords or anything else. If he had a problem with a payment online (always is because his bank sucks really), he ask me if he can pay with my credit card and I give him the info for payment, and he give me the cash in that moment.
Is this even real? With the countless number of banking apps out now and with modern technology, we can transfer money from one account to another without needing personal bank info.
I was thinking maybe the OP is one of those people who aren't used to using banking apps. Plus, her 'boyfriend' was specifically asking for her banking details.
Load More Replies... Please tell me OP broke up with this dude. I'm 32 years old and dating is hard enough as it is, being gaslit and lied to within 8mos in is a reason to not give anymore time into the relationship no matter how great those kids are. They're not her kids to begin with. Idk. This one made me significantly angry.
Hon, you already know the answer, and that's to block him, and be done with him. He took advantage of your kindness, and generosity, and y'all have only been together 8 months! He shouldn't of ever had you pay anything for his children, and now it's his buddies too, because he's telling them that you'll give him money any time he snaps his fingers. If you get involved with someone with children again, don't be so quick to pull out your wallet. Wait until y'all have been together longer, and are really serious, because at 8 months he's not your partner. Maybe the kids will get upset, because if he lied to you, then you know that he lied to them too, he's a lying mooch. No real man would push a woman for her personal information, and good for you for sticking to your boundaries. This guy is a walking red flag. If you come home, and he's sitting there again, don't get out of the car, dial 911, and tell them to remove your ex off your property, if he has a key get your locks chang
Not only is he lying, but he's blowing up and demanding she APOLOGIZE even when she *agrees* again to loan him money. I suspect the car repair story is just another lie. He needed to come up with something that would (if she still agreed to lend him the money, which I'm sure he was hoping) would explain why the money would disappear without her being able to see where it went or any tangible result. At this point in this man's journey, there is no way OP will be able to turn his ship around from where it's headed, and he's clearly accelerating. She needs to get out before she's too invested emotionally (and legally).
My bestie had an ex like that. He stole a lot of money from her, gambled it away, all the while convincing himself that 'it's for them' (Don't ask me how he justified that. maybe he was hoping for a big win and wanted to pay her back?) He is actually a fairly nice guy and once he quit gambling and learned a new job, he really pulled himself uout of this gabyss. But in that time, he was an addict and his behaviour was criminal. The guy tried to steal from her. It really is that simple.
i was married for 32 yrs and we had separate banking accounts. mostly because the reality is that two people can't manage a checking/savings account especially when one of them (him) doesn't put things in the registers. we never shared financial info. wasn't like we didn't trust each other (well...towards the end of the marriage there were some issues so was glad that the situation was like it was from day one) but a boyfriend/partner demanding that info? RUN!
Kind of in the same spot myself. I am really considering being single again.
After all this, she is still wondering whether she was stupid and irrational?? OMG, woman, RUN!!
Sounds like my ex-husband. Don't fall for that s**t. My ex would go out and buy stupid stuff for his own self instead of paying a bill or getting necessities for our 2 kids. If I would say something about it he would cuss me out and call me "greedy" "it's always about you" then proceed to do the same thing to our oldest daughter. I finally got the guts and left him back in 2017 and took the kids. Now he doesn't wants anything to do with the kids(they r 14 and 19). He lied to my youngest daughter last night after she begged him to call and he talked to her for not even a minute saying he was at the bar working. Found out he was at a concert with his gf (that he cheated on me with since 2016) and spent right at $1k for tickets for him and her. LEAVE DUDE BEFORE HE DOES WHAT MY EX DID TO ME AND HIS 2 KIDS!
So he let his son know what he tried to do. Hmmm. I would say do not go back. What does it say about boyfriend and his circle that none of them had $300 for a car repair -- not just money in bank but no credit cards, either, apparently. And these are not people just out of school.
I've been married over 15 years and have no idea what the details are of my wife's own bank account, we have a joint account to pay a certain amount in every month and the rest is her business, just as mine is my business. We don't hide things we just have trust.
There are people who makes it their career, literally, to date someone, sometimes marry them, stay with them for YEARS in order to beget close enough to steal them blind and disappear like beer on a hot day. These are some warning flags, about his lack of respect for OP if nothing else.
Easily one of the dumbest questions to ever be posted on this freaking website. If someone is actually second guessing themselves over not giving up their bank info to ANYONE, especially when the reason they're second guessing themselves is their partner trying to guilt trip them because they need money, their finances are seriously on borrowed time. It might be their current partner, might be his kids, maybe the next partner, but they'll be taken to the cleaners eventually.
Major red flag alert! I've been with my partner for 8 years and we have a joint account for bills but my main account is mine and mine only. I once dated a gaslighter, although the term wasn't in use at the time, and he suggested my wages go into his account and he give me spending money. Interesting, as he was part time earning minimum wage and I earned more than double what he did. Your money is yours. Also maybe think about any other behaviour that might be red flags.
Absolutely not. This is the reason apps like Cashapp and Zelle exist. He wanted your bank account info to rob you. You shouldn't be with an almost 40 yo who doesn't have the disposable income to buy a video game console anyway. How paycheck to paycheck is this guy?
Oh hell no. I don't care who you are, you ain't getting into my back accounts. Period.
Been there, done that. I have an ex my credit card. He wasn't malicious, but it was still shocking to see several hundred dollars spent on a card I was responsible for. As I said, in my case he wasn't malicious... After about five years of hounding him he finally paid me back.
Please for the love of DAVID BOWIE get out of this situationship, NOW!
I NEVER date any one with kids or grand kids! Better she sees this guys true colors now instead of after they get married...it's only 8 months so RUN NOW!
Only two other people other than myself have my banking and financial information and that is my parents. My mother does my taxes and is essentially my power of attorney in case something happens to me. Both of my parents were on my bank account when I first got it and I have just felt more comfortable with them still being on it.
He is a fraudster, babe be wise and ditch the bastard before it is too late, believe he will use your bank details to obtain loan or commit fraudulent activities like scamming people
Get out of that relationship.. you may love those kids but their dad dont love you he only with you for the money and blames you when things dont go right for him .. he has 3 kids how is he supporting him loose the money sucking leech before it's too late for you and your finances
Love the kids from afar. They got along, because he had to. In all my 60 years, never had a date, boyfriend or husband ask for my bank info. I'm really surprise he held off on showing his bullying, gaslighting tendencies for so long. Bet if she looks back, she will find he has been bullying her lightly the whole time. He is a liar and like the old adage says, scratch a liar, find a cheater. He is going to blow her phone up more, if she tells him no more relationship. This she needs to prepare for and forward every VM, email, text to a folder. His abusive ranting is the red flag and he is not going to let his cash cow get away, easily. He has put a lot of months into buttering her up. If she stays with this guy, well, can't say she didn't know; just add him to the account.
Definitely I agreed with everyone here, that boyfriend ain’t worth for sh*t! He’s definitely up to something if he’s asking for your bank info. I mean it’s not YOUR KIDS that you gave birth to, why should you do all the paying for them? I had been in a committed relationship for over 20+ years and we both have separate bank accounts, thank gawd! My man is a big spender.
Run. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we have separate accounts. We own a home and a few vehicles and split bills and repairs. My husband is proud that I make more than him and pushes me to save. He comes from money and I do not. I do Christmas for all 7 kids and grandchildren and he does birthdays. Of course we always say it's from both of us. It's how we split things. If he is willing to lie and manipulate you for a few dollars up to hundreds of dollars...run. it will get worse. You have no attachment to this man, thank God! Easy break. Don't wait until it's too late. Protect yourself. You deserve more than that.
Commenting before reading: just the title alone means this woman had better run and already be broken up with this ahole
If this was a woman with 3 kids and the same scenario, everyone would be on her like white on rice saying that he should leave and he's a simp for taking care of her kids. Ima need ladies to get on code and do the same. If single moms aren't good enough, neither are single dads. He needs to get his s**t together
The ONLY method of her getting money to him that he deemed acceptable was direct access to her bank account? He straight-up lied to her about what the money he "requested" was supposedly for? He's raging and bullying because she set her boundary? WHAT possible side does this guy HAVE?
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