Guy Is Fed Up With Girlfriend’s Cooking Because She Puts Her Own Twist On Recipes, Asks For Support Online But Receives A Reality Check
Different cooking philosophies can lead to some spicy and fiery arguments in the kitchen. Some prefer structure, order, and following recipes to the letter. Others embrace the chaos and like to jazz things up. There’s beauty in both of these approaches. But it might be a tad difficult to work together.
The thing is that if you or your partner suddenly try to impose your cooking ideas as the only possible way of doing things, you might just have a falling out. And some arguments are so big, they even end up on the internet. Case in point, one redditor turned to the AITA community for some advice on whether or not he messed up.
The man explained how he’d called his girlfriend out for adjusting and modifying professional cooking recipes on the fly. Members of the subreddit shared their open and honest opinions on the situation, and it looks like the boyfriend was actually open to learning from his mistakes. Read on for the full story.
People draw inspiration from recipes in different ways. Some follow them to the letter. Others modify things as they see fit
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
A guy turned asked the internet if he was wrong to call out his girlfriend for changing some recipes while she was cooking
Image credits: zapCulture (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/throwaway1243127
Something you don’t see all that often is the AITA community overwhelmingly telling someone that, oh my, they are incredibly wrong. Rarer still is a redditor who gets called out for their actions and actually shows that they’re open to correcting their behavior. There’s some hope for humanity after all, it seems.
Most internet users pointed out that the guy was overly strict and really approached things the wrong way when he criticized his girlfriend for modifying the pro recipes they were using. One of the main points that some people made was that cooking was supposed to be fun and that recipes were guidelines rather than ‘contracts.’
Others noted that this was a very weird fight to pick. Especially since the guy appears to enjoy the dishes. It’s the unstructured approach to cooking that irks him.
Nobody really enjoys getting into arguments with their loved ones. The so-called post-argument ‘hangover’ is absolutely awful. Pretty much everyone has said things they didn’t mean in the heat of the moment.
As we’ve discussed in a previous article on Bored Panda, navigating the entire post-argument situation can be uncomfortable. But it is possible.
In short, being in physical contact with your partner can help you move past the situation. A hug or a kiss helps you get back in-sync with each other.
And the argument becomes a lesson, something that strengthens your relationship, rather than a reason for things to eventually fall apart.
This is how the internet reacted to the man’s incredibly strict approach to following recipes
I teach cooking classes to formerly homeless folks who just got their own place. One of the first things I teach is that in cooking, a recipe is nothing more than someone saying “I did this and I liked how it turned out.” Love garlic? Go ahead and double the amount! Hate peas? Maybe carrots would be better! No noodles in the house? Let’s serve it over rice and see if that works! If you like how it turned out, write it down for your own “recipe” collection!
That's similar to how I cook. I follow the recipe exactly the first time unless I know there's something in there I won't eat, and depending on how it turns out I'll adjust things to how I like it.
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So often published recipes are just flat-out wrong. 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon in a 9" pie? You're not even going to taste that. Caramelized onions in 5 minutes? Yeah, I got a nice bridge in Brooklyn for ya if you believe that's possible.
Thank God! I thought something was wrong with me, I just pour cinnamon and vanilla in things and thought I was crazy cuz I can't taste it until I at least triple most recipes.
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Yeah, couples cooking together looks so romantic on the TV. in real life, stay the F out of the kitchen whilst I'm preparing food. She has her way of doing things, you have yours, both are fine, just don't try and mix them.
And definitely don't insist your way is the only way and then go crying to random strangers on the internet for validation.
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I can't get over the fact that they pay for recipe subscriptions lol. Pinterest has thousands, Google has the rest lol
Guy is borderline OCD. So you can't put pepper in the meal if the recipe doesn't say so??? Really??
I was like him when I first got married but my spouse pointed out that he's been cooking since I was in diapers (and even born if you count cinnamon toast). I do more baking than cooking so it was a learning experience and now we both do whatever tf we want to recipes. All relationships have power struggles. His mistake was making a bigger deal of it than it is.
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They need a date night where they watch Ratatouille together. And then afterward, she gets to smack him in the head with an old cookbook until he apologizes.
I wonder if this guy has Autistic Spectrum Disorder, or OCD? It seems like a really odd thing to be upset about, when it sounds like there's nothing wrong with the changes she's making, and he likes most of what she cooks. Edit: corrected to Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
The "high functioning" label is actually super offensive. But I get where you are seeing that.
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Like one of the last commenters said, he sounds like he has a bakers mentality. I’ve always heard that cooking is art and baking is science. You can get creative with your cooking, it’s the baking that you need to be more careful about!
And even then, only certain ingredients matter. Want to add chocolate chips to that muffin recipe, no harm no foul, just be careful with things like baking powder/flour ratio
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I do this all the time. Then my sister will ask for the recipe and I will give her a blank stare because I don't remember what I put in it.
What seemed appropriate at the time and what I had leftover needing to be used up?
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When he choose to dig in deeper and compare her to a child and then imply that a child can do something she can't he confirmed to me he was a a*****e. First have a little self awareness and realize when your wrong!
Dude - I’m autistic, and *I* wouldn’t bίtch about stuff like this. And let me tell you, I’m very much a list kind of person - although I make lists exclusively for ME to follow. I don’t force them on others, what’s wrong with you? She’s cooking, yey! Awesome! Tastes great! Other than that, shut the hell up!
Also autistic and neither would I, but all autistic people are different. Doesn't mean he isn't handling it incorrectly
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His problem seems to be that he resents the wasted money on the recipe sites but it’s not wasted if HE needs them. He said they never normally cook together so clearly they are needed for his days.
I wonder if the author is autistic. They have a very rule-based approach to cooking. There's nothing wrong with following a recipe exactly. But equally, there's also nothing wrong with experimenting and making substitutions. . .. . .. . . . . . .It sounds like this couple needs to chat about expectations and following rules. This is not going to improve without a discussion.
Not everything is about being neurodivergent. He's just a plain a*****e and probably inexperienced in the kitchen. My father who barely knows how to butter a toast will bake a frozen pizza exactly to the amount of time shown on the box and then complain it's not to his liking because it's undercooked for his taste. Then take the same pizza and do the same thing the next week because "it's what it says on the box".
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I'd be worried about her "tweaks" if she was a terrible cook who only made things worse. But I found it interesting that in OP's whole post, he only complained that she *did* tweak the recipe, he said nothing about, "and it tasted horrible, the way she did it!" As long as the end product tastes good, who effing cares that she "tweaked" it?!
Hey panda, upgrade your servers. I really enjoy the "articles" but I am about to move on to a different site because I don't want to wait 30 seconds for your ads to load before I can slide to the actual article. I don't mind the ads, I'm a freeloader. Please make them load so I can use your site. Thx. Just thought I'd give you some feedback before I jump ship.
I follow the recipe once, usually when I try it for the first time and next time I just have it there but dont really care what it says. If you are cooking long enough, watch the people you cook for, you know what they like and adjust any recipe to your liking. Everyone creates their own thing off of others creations. Like whatever your parents cooked you do as well but kind of different.
Last Christmas my mom asked me to write down a recipe for a soup I make pretty often during winter. She wanted to put it on little gifts for people in her friend group that had previously asked how I make it. I explained that even I don't actually know how much of what I put in it. I measure with my heart lol. I did my best. Apparently her friends liked how the actual recipe turned out. What I find hilarious is that it's a "recipe" my maternal grandmother taught me so my mom really should have been able to figure it out lol. My grandmother handed down her recipe book to me prior to her passing 25ish years ago. Most things don't have measurements, just ingredients so you pretty much have to learn from the generation before you. It's a tradition that I love and it always makes me feel like she's in the kitchen with me, whispering little suggestions in my ear while I cook. (Oh and OP is VERY much TA.....obviously)
This is very much how 'recipes' were first recorded as they were ment for professionals that were expected to be familiar with existing techniques. Recipes ment for professionals are still often very bare bones with simple measurements in weight and a technique or method stated.
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I get how your brain works. A better way to handle that would be can you tell me what you changed or what you added do I can can mine to. It tasted good when you made it. And one more thing try to handle the ocd it can end up with these issues
Not an a*****e but maybe a bit closed minded. First time you cook more or less strickt after receipt to find out how the "inventor" wants it to taste like but second time you change what you want.
A lot of times, I only look up recipes to get a sense of how much of each ingredient I need.
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I NEVER cook exactly after the recipe. I have it on hand for the basic steps but I always add or take away stuff. I swap ingredients for something I like better and I add more or different spices. My dads a chef and he tought me how to use the recipe as a guide line but cook with my intuition. That's why I always taste, smell and touch what I'm making (I do wash my hands before and after touching the food) and it never turned out bad. Sometimes I notice that something isn't right so I take notes and change something the next time.
Any idiot can follow the ikea instructions to assemble a bookshelf. If you want to built a bookcase yourself you have to learn carpentry (cabinentry?). That's the difference with *knowing* how to cook and blindly following directions.
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There are many free recipe websites, so paying for subscriptions definitely sounds like a waste of money. Also investing in the one best cookbook of all time will end the need for the subscriptions. The Joy Of Cooking not only contains tens of thousands of recipes, but it also instructs you on every type of cooking and baking technique that exists in western cuisine. It is an amazing text.
What an odd thing to judge the on. Why do you care? It's only a waste of money if they don't use and enjoy the sites. Many paid sites (including the NYT, which is $40 for a yr) offer additional features like the ability to easily curate and notate your recipes for easy access and repeat use all in one spot. And love for the joy of cooking is great if it's your thing. I personally don't care for it and have many other cookbooks with more modern, ethnic and vegetable focus I prefer Or, they may prefer to have pictures, comments from others who have made the recipe, etc.
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I modify recipes all the time because several commonly used ingredients, like sage and rosemary, are migraine triggers. I also like a lot of garlic and onion, and I like to experiment with various Asian and Indian spices. If his GF drives him batty, then he needs to find a more pedantic GF.
When I met my husband 24 yrs ago I had to alter almost every "recipe" I used because he's allergic to garlic and cinnamon. I feel your pain. It's so hard to cook good food without the right ingredients lol. I have no idea if any foods trigger my migraines but scents will, so perfumes etc.
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What a dipweed. This guy can't be serious. There's no way he actually made this post and didn't see a single issue in how he treated her. He literally insulted her intelligence for what? Chicken parmesan? Yikes.
I wonder if you ever figure out how a recipe actually comes to be. Someone throwing ingrediance together to create something tasty, then writes it down. Get the stick out of your damn a*s.
So he wouldn't even try the grilled cheese parm but wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole? On the off chance that he's reading this, or if this applies to any of you, but if you won't even try something, you have absolutely no right to talk trash about it, with little to no exception. I personally only hate one food on this planet, the evil onion. However, if I'm offered a dish that was cooked with onions, especially by a loved one, I will at least give it a taste before I turn it away, and even if I don't like it, I'll generally just eat it as quickly as possible as not to offend, although I will admit if asked, in as polite a way as possible, something like "the onion taste was a bit strong for my taste buds, so probably wouldn't want that again in the future, but it definitely wasn't bad, thank you!" Maybe I'm overly polite, but I'd rather be that than to be a jerk
I'm going to come at this from a different angle because I was married almost 30 years to a man with Aspergers. There are more people on the spectrum and with traits from the spectrum than most people realize. Many people on the spectrum are undiagnosed. There are cultures where Aspergers specific traits often appear dominant. When people are very routine driven, pedantic, ( petty) , rigid, by the book types they often have shades of this condition. It is very difficult for them to believe successful outcomes can exist if they do not follow directions to the letter. Aspires also are very rigid on what they will eat. Many detest sauces and gravies, only like eggs a certain way and refuse to eat certain foods. This is not set in stone and with gentle nudging they often change their minds about food. The OP can learn a lot about the difference between a recipe follower and an intuitive cook. I have been cooking for over 50 years and despite coming from a family full of chefs,
( con't) caterers, foodies, I am considered the best in our family. Not only do I not follow recipes, I often don't have recipes. This, despite having a cook's library with almost 1000 cookbooks. I love to read cookbooks for inspiration and to learn about ingredients. I especially love the combo of food writing and recipes. Because I am getting old, I have begun to write down and share recipes my friends and families have enjoyed for decades. It is not as easy as you think because I cook intuitively. I know to get a carmelized tone to a dish, I could use onion, or sugar, or sear honey...or use mushrooms or a very old balsamic vinegar. Depends on the dish..I could also make the flavor more exotic. So to write a recipe, I must cook the dish, stop and write what I just did. Yes, a recipe is a STARTING point. There is a difference between a person who follows a pre-written recipe and those who create recipes. A creator also knows how to riff on a dish or correct something and
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I'm not a great cook, so I follow the recipe, my hubby is better, he doesn't follow any set rules, he does ok. I don't always like what he cooks as it is saltier than I care for. I, however, like to sew, I will alter a pattern to suit my preferences, so do what you have talents for. Same applies.
I can kinda relate to this guy in his style of cooking. I like to follow the recipe as well. If I read a recipe and don't like certain ingredients or it seems off, I might look around for a different recipe that's more to my liking. I'm starting to get a little more comfortable with making my own changes and improvising a bit, but it's definitely not my forte. I like baking more than cooking (probably that whole cooking is art, baking is science thing). That being said, trying to force someone else to cook my way is an AH move.
I tweak the recipes I make a lot of times. Bake goods have less sugar than recipe asks for. In cooking supper I usually put less paprika, Paprika can take over the taste some times.
Is he one of those people who immediately has a meltdown when a recipe calls for "salt to taste"? You are absolutely allowed to make adjustment to recipes, unless your changes make the dish inedible or unsafe to eat, which is just wasteful. I always use recipes as suggestions and/or inspiration. As far as I know that's how most people cook.
I like how he points out that the recipes they get at the subscription sites are sometimes really creative, but doesn't like to be creative when cooking himself. XD
YTA - recipies are guidelines not the law, I woul ditch you and pompous approach to cooking
I hardly ever follow recipes anymore. But even now, I occasionally will follow a recipe to the letter, just to see what there is about it I'd want to change for my own tastes. This guy needs to see a therapist to find out why he is so a**l about cooking. It wouldn't be so bad if he just cooked that way himself. The girlfriend must be a very forgiving person, because the first "comment" about my cooking like that, would have been the last comment he had the chance to give.
I'm betting BF is on the spectrum and a stickler for 'rules' and following instructions to the letter.
A recipe is TOTALLY just a guidance of one way of doing it - get creative, do it to your liking, but I would recommend that you cook one to the contents and order of the recipe, to understand what it meant, then, knock yourself out getting creative, as now, you know what would make it better and how to tweak it to your taste, that is, if you liked the base...
Worthless article about a worthless argument by a worthless control freak about a girl who cooks for a worthless idiot.
Cooking is art and you get to change and try different things. Baking is like chemistry and it's best not to change anything. This person does not seem like he would currently be good partner. He's wound up way too tight
If I am cooking a food for the first time, I may follow the recipe exactly. However, I’m likely to change it to next time. Also, unless the food is very unfamiliar to me, I am likely to change it the first time. Such a silly thing for you to be fighting about.
NTA, but hear me out. I'm autistic, and I have mates like this. They don't do it to be obstinate, they feel uneasy when instructions are deliberately thwarted to unknown outcome. My mother is a chef and cooks based on recipe, but often plays around with recipes to tailor them to the taste of her guests. I too enjoy that kind of creative expression, but I would never make my hobby a priority if to others it means fear or discomfort. He did not handle the situation well and clearly needs to help in communicating effectively, but I would not regard him TA without information that he is in fact just being pedantic. If that be the case, then he's clearly TA here, I do admit.
Why are there so many cookbooks if there was only one way to make something? Compare recipes in a few cookbooks. I'd bet they won't be the same.
I watched my mom cook as a kid and one day, she watched me make spaghetti sauce. She said I did 5 things differently than what she does. After dinner, she said it was better than hers! I always make a new recipe according to directions but will make my own changes when I make it again. He is lucky to have a woman who LIKES to cook, will cook and not afraid to try new things instead of going out all the time. May be he should stick to his box mac & cheese lol. The recipe never changes lol
I follow recipes for dishes I've never made before, but after a few times, I start tweaking to taste, just as every other person who cooks that I've ever known. Once, I decided to surprise my bf with a Greek-themed dinner just for fun. I roasted a chicken, and made the vegetables the way they would have been prepared by the ancient Greeks. I even found some "ancient" Greek music and the closest I could find to the wine they would have had. Mind you this wasn't the first time I'd cooked for him, but it was sure the last! He came in, took one look at the food, and fixed himself a sandwich. Wouldn't even try a bite of anything, not even to keep from hurting my feelings. Since then, he's had the nerve to mention a few times that I won't cook for him. Uh, no! That incident and all the other ones when he would complain that "I didn't fix it right," was enough for me! You better be a little more gracious, grateful, and get the stick out of you know where, or you'll lose her like he lost m
This bloke is either autistic, extremely neurotic or brainwashed by service in USA military.
I identify with this story because when I cook I use the ingredients we have on hand, so bf decided to call them "concoctions" which was meant as derogatory as it sounds. Yet the same AH is so impressed when we watch top Chef or masterchef and they do the exact same thing. "How do they come up with that???"
He has a woman cooking for him and is mad lol. I think the post fake because this is too one-sided. Many times the real problem in relationships is a lack of communication. If bf tells gf something she pretends to listen and then does what she wants and ignores bf input. This is annoyingly common. If he said he liked it a certain way and she was like "ok" and he is like "are you listening?" and she is like "yes I hear you" then proceeds to disregard everything he said and does it contrary to his likes because she thinks she knows best like it is a surprise he will like. If he really is this dense he must have ocd or some other mental defect.
I'm 65, and I've been cooking since I could reach the stove, standing on a stepstool. I tweak recipes all the time, when I bother to use one. Most of my life, including for baking, I just eyeballed amounts and didn't even measure. I only started measuring because my friends want my recipes, and want me to write a cookbook. Now I'm doing keto-ish, and low carb recipes are often fussier, and you really do have to measure, and sometimes weigh, ingredients. But for some things, I still wing it.
Wow can't believe you're taking a chance on somebody so "CRAZY"! What's next? She gonna want to try a new position!!
I thought it was adding weird stuff like candy or putting cheese on everything. But its just an extra chilly or salt lol
Dudes got problems, never once did say they were fails, she needs to find a man who appreciates she even cooks! Ffs!
Honestly, He Seems Like A Perfectionist And Possibly Controlling. She On The Other Hand Has A Creative Approach. They Are Opposites, That's All. He's Overreacting Because She Crosses The Comfort Zone While He Never Crosses The Line. I Myself, Am A Little Bit Of Both. I Like Order And Organization. I'm A Perfectionist And Like The Measurements To Be Exact, HOWEVER, I Do LOVE Experimenting New Things!! I'm Still Nee To Cooking, But I Always Research Different Versions Of One Dish, Or Ask My Mom For Advice; She Was A Professional Chef. I Use Substitutions All The Time In Case I Don't Like Something Or Don't Have It. It's The Same Thing Really; Just Add The Same Amount. Like A Different Kind Of Milk Or Cheese Or Your Preferred Seasoning!! My Mom Also Loves Trying New Things In The Kitchen!! Sometimes She Just Using Her Own Imagination, No Recipes, To Make Her Own Sauces And Dishes!! They Always Turn Out Amazing!! I Thought People Knew Restaurants Can't Have The Same Recipes. 🤔 🙄 💕 💕
How do you feel it's your place to say anything at all? When my husband cooks he makes what and how as he sees fit and when I cook it is likewise. Now If he mentions something I generally oblige or fix it to suit both separately. Example I like noodles with alot of dishes, he likes rice. I make them separately to add on the plate. If he wants extra salt he can add more to his plate so I don't have to If I don't want extra. It's not your place to be all commando about it. Your either rooting fir any reason you can find to break up and or a pycho that will be in prison for murder as you have serious mental issues that seem from lack of control which you can't handle. Yikes
I can understand him wanting to taste the recipe as/is before tweaking it. Also, some people are just more comfortable cooking freely while others prefer or need to follow recipes. Cooking freely while others prefer or need to follow recipes. However, if the food tastes good and she is doing the cooking for him on that particular day, it might be better to just say thank you and enjoy someone preparing you a nice meal. It sounds like maybe there are other communication issues at hand here and this is just the catalyst.
My mom started teaching me how to cook when I was 10. I've altered family recipes to my family's and my tastes. My husband grills, I cook. I tried teaching him to cook, but he hates following recipes and has many, many times ruined food trying to come up with his own concoction. I won't say there's never been a success bc that would be a lie, there are several things he's concocted that were not only edible, but delicious. But we do NOT cook together anymore bc he will try to throw things in w***y nilly and I get mad. I am very careful how I alter something, and again, it's usually to our tastes, not just to do it randomly. Every time we cooked together and he added or subtracted an ingredient (or many) it ruined the meal. I have my suspicion that he did this on purpose to get out of having to cook, which I'm ok with bc I honestly enjoy cooking. My 16 yo son learned to cook at 10, and my 10 yo son is just now starting to learn. They love it and they learned a life skill.
Seriously, W-ill-y was edited? Isn't that a name? Like a nickname for William? That's ridiculous.
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Wow...this guy is a tool. As someone who left an abusive and controlling relationship less than a year ago, with a man who claimed he could cook (he has like 2-3 staple recipes that I think taste terrible), who constantly hovered while I was cooking, he makes me creeped out. I'm a great cook, and rarely do I follow a recipe exactly. It is a guide, and my tweaks make it even better. I'm known as an amazing cook. I also incorporate elements of recipes into my own inventions. When friends hear I'm cooking, they practically invite themselves!! Ridiculously petty.
Wow, that sounds absolutely terrible, like omg I'd completely tear my effin brains out if someone did this, like seriously how could she do this to you!? But no, I am just having a hard time comprehending that something like this is such an issue to you that you'd complain about it online. Like dude, come on... People have different ways of doing things, at least she didn't add poison.
Recipes are written by other people with differing tastes. And I'm sure more would be offended if you *DIDN'T* tweak the recipe to your own tastes, because you're supposed to enjoy the food.
It's one thing to get creative with a recipe to make it your own. But frankly I think this girl has some sort of control issues. Or just scatterbrained. Most of us, when we find a new recipe, will follow it the first time. Otherwise, how will you know whether you like it or not? THEN, you can tweak it to better suit your taste. A recipe becomes a guideline after that. If you want more garlic, add more. But there are reasons why ingredients are put together in a certain order. It may for ease in blending. Otherwise, you might end up with a lumpy sauce etc. Measurements matter because of balance. You can change them as you like. But if this girl can't even read the recipe before she starts, refuses to follow it, it's not necessarily a sign of creative genius. More going on here than meets the eye. There's a reason why you don't make a tomato sauce out of tomato paste and water. Because it sucks, that's why.
Except that OP indicates the food comes out fine. The issue is clearly him, not her. And nowhere does he say "she doesn't even read the recipe." His words were "barely even glanced at the recipe," which, given the tone of the rest of his writing, can be taken as an overwrought exaggeration on his part. But even so, if you get good enough cooking, you CAN literally glance at a recipe for inspration, then do your own thing. And there's nothing wrong with that. She isn't the one with control issues, CLEARLY he is.
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Yta. What is wrong with you? The more you cook the more you understand cooking and the more license you have to play and get creative. Unless I am out of my depth I use recipes as inspiration only, or to get an idea of what the spices are to create a certain flavour profile. And baking obviously even though I play with that too. And sometimes I invent things without ever using a recipe at all. your lack of confidence in the kitchen plus your obvious rigidity and rule following nature is going to ruin your relationship. The food tastes good. Get over it
If she's not wasting food & money (like entire vegetables or cuts of meat, not using spices isn't really a problem imo), and it tastes good, then I don't see the problem?? I'm kinda hoping this is the gf writing from the bfs perspective to show him how much of an AH he's being? Unless the bf is the type of neurodivergent that has to do everything the way it says to be done, then I don't understand what his issue is. And even if he is ND, he still doesn't have the right to tell her how to cook, especially when she's not doing anything wrong. If it's really such a problem, they should both sit down and talk about why they're upset, why they cook the way they do, and how to come to an agreement. If they're cooking on their own, they can do their own thing. If they're cooking together, maybe they can do things step by step like he likes and she can add in/substitute whatever ingredients she likes. Idk this seems like a very dumb thing for OP to be upset about.
The only thing I agree with is that she's wasting money on recipe subscriptions, especially if they're trying to save money. Clearly she's an experienced cook and a smart lady, and doesn't need recipes. Even if she does she can get recipes for free online. Maybe he's getting this unreasonably and weirdly angry about this because he feels like they're spending money on recipes that aren't being used.
First of all, let me start by saying that my husband and I have been together for 19 years and we've always had our own protocol for cooking meals. I don't question his and vice versa. If these two are arguing about something so miniscule, I would suggest they don't think about marriage down the road. Can you imagine what the conversation of having kids or what kind of wedding they want would transpire?
One thing I didn't hear "And she ruins everything! It tastes awful! " So I'm not really sure what the problem is.
This is no different than going to a restaurant and having them substitute something or leave something out. This sounds like a HIM issue.
The only time I think it's okay to be this nitpicky is if you're sensitive to certain things like texture, smell, taste, etc. Especially if they're autistic or have an eating disorder like ARFID.
I'll follow a recipe if it's the first time to make it. After that, I cook it my way. No complaints yet! Been cooking 35 years.
Respecting the time & effort, that went into creating the original recipe, by cooking it as is, is important. Also, everyone has unique taste buds, so maybe not tweak every recipe.
And he expects her to sleep with him after being so critical and a tight-a$$ judgmental bad cook? He hates joy.
I think the OP was upset about having payed for recipes (they mention 2 subscriptions), just to see the cook "not using the recipes ". Like why pay for the recipes in the first place? I'm a "creative" cook myself, I'll tweak and substitute on my whims too. I'll look at what I have and make something up as I go. My spouse is more organized. They'll taste to correct the recipe, but will adamantly not accept "ratatouille" without thyme, I can still make it without, but I have to name it differently.
Poor girl. I hope she will never have kids with this guy, that would be a huge nightmare.
Cooking is like free form jazz. Once you know how to make something or learned a technique it's about improvisation, repetition and perfecting. Baking, pastry and candy making is more like preforming classical music. The sheet music MUST be followed and there's only so much personalization that can be added before you've strayed from what is canon. This is how I always explain the different mentalities of cooking. The OP sounds like he might be on the autism spectrum due to their overly dogmatic adhere to 'rules'.
He sounds like a controlling jerk. They seem to work very different hours, and aren't together a lot. I think if he doesn't change is attitude then she needs to rethink her relationship. As someone else worded it - he's diagnosably weird.
I think the guy tweaked something once and was yelled at nota (no one's the a*****e) he sounds like heemonie from hp.. closed minded
Professional chef here. Dude is trippin. Of course you can alter recipes to match your preferences and make a few experiments. And Insee nothing wrong with her leftover chicke thing..sounded good to me. Just because you're too afraid to make a mistake doesnt mean you should be or she be. You like her food so shut the door. you sound really a**l.
So...does he think someone's just totally screwed if they're allergic to something too? I'm allergic to mint, so recipes that call for it, I just skip it. But people who are deathly allergic to peanuts can sometimes have other kinds of nuts, so they could just replace it. What does this guy think if they literally can NOT have an ingredient?
I love trash meals , they usually turn out better than the original meal and it is creative/exciting. Also, I would have not snubbed the Parm thing she created anything with mayo is worth trying (mostly, hehe). Kinda of sucky to put your woman down, sounds a little like you are competitive and when she does better you don't like it. Partners build each other up. It's ok if someone is better than you in an area. We all shine differently. Can't be the goat at it all.
Me thinks perhaps OP is nuerodivergent. Often a need to follow rules to the letter is part of ND territory. If he's not, he's just a stickler and should learn to undo his tie a bit. Recipes are guidelines, not gospel.
i can sort of get it if he's a bit OCD. There are certain things that I really need a specific task list for or to be done a specific way or it really bothers me. But I know when to just let it go too. If she's cooking for you and she has the talent to make adjustments and it tastes good, that is a time to just shut up. Or send her to my house. I'll happily eat whatever she makes, say Thank You, and do the dishes.
He should do all the cooking from now on. He has the personality equivalent of six hours of line dancing. I bet they have a set schedule for intercourse, and it's done exactly the same way every time. [Edited to correct a mild problem with my own reading comprehension]
I can definitely see your side of it, and it would bother me too,. Looking forward to a meal and watching someone else turn it into something different, but that's who she is. I would discuss the meal plan in advance when cooking together so you know what to expect and what your limits are. On her days just don't look.
For me, I'm a stickler for recipes!!! If I'm cooking a dish from a recipe book from a chef (known or otherwise) I'll stick to the the recipe as best as I can. They know how to cook the dish best right!!! I've been known to go to multiple shops/grocers to find a certain ingredient. I'll even get annoyed at someone who suggests cooking with chicken breast when the recipe asks for thighs, just because that's what they have in!!! That's not what the recipe is asking for!!!! Grrrrr!!!
Honestly, if you're expecting "traditional" spaghetti but get served up chili spaghetti, you're not going to be wanting that. This man is expecting something but he keeps getting something else. At that point, I'd write it off as a lost effort and just cook my own food. With cultural dishes, this sort of "innovation" can be harmful to the people of that culture. Especially when that's the version that gets amplified.
A sprinkling of chili flakes isn't going to be enough to turn something into chili, it's just going to make it a tiny bit spicier. It's a standard thing to add to taste even in recipes that don't ask for it.
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So he's an a-hole because he would like to try a recipe without tweaks and she won't allow it? Got it. I get the adjusting of recipes, I do it. But she could have easily not tweaked it if she knew his position. You don't always have to have your way in a relationship.
It's literally highlighted in bright red. How is that "buried"?
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To quote the woman herself, “This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook—try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless and above all have fun." Julia Child would take a swig of her wine and smack you with a spoon if she heard you talking like that.
Load More Replies... I teach cooking classes to formerly homeless folks who just got their own place. One of the first things I teach is that in cooking, a recipe is nothing more than someone saying “I did this and I liked how it turned out.” Love garlic? Go ahead and double the amount! Hate peas? Maybe carrots would be better! No noodles in the house? Let’s serve it over rice and see if that works! If you like how it turned out, write it down for your own “recipe” collection!
That's similar to how I cook. I follow the recipe exactly the first time unless I know there's something in there I won't eat, and depending on how it turns out I'll adjust things to how I like it.
Load More Replies... So often published recipes are just flat-out wrong. 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon in a 9" pie? You're not even going to taste that. Caramelized onions in 5 minutes? Yeah, I got a nice bridge in Brooklyn for ya if you believe that's possible.
Thank God! I thought something was wrong with me, I just pour cinnamon and vanilla in things and thought I was crazy cuz I can't taste it until I at least triple most recipes.
Load More Replies... Yeah, couples cooking together looks so romantic on the TV. in real life, stay the F out of the kitchen whilst I'm preparing food. She has her way of doing things, you have yours, both are fine, just don't try and mix them.
And definitely don't insist your way is the only way and then go crying to random strangers on the internet for validation.
Load More Replies... I can't get over the fact that they pay for recipe subscriptions lol. Pinterest has thousands, Google has the rest lol
Guy is borderline OCD. So you can't put pepper in the meal if the recipe doesn't say so??? Really??
I was like him when I first got married but my spouse pointed out that he's been cooking since I was in diapers (and even born if you count cinnamon toast). I do more baking than cooking so it was a learning experience and now we both do whatever tf we want to recipes. All relationships have power struggles. His mistake was making a bigger deal of it than it is.
Load More Replies... They need a date night where they watch Ratatouille together. And then afterward, she gets to smack him in the head with an old cookbook until he apologizes.
I wonder if this guy has Autistic Spectrum Disorder, or OCD? It seems like a really odd thing to be upset about, when it sounds like there's nothing wrong with the changes she's making, and he likes most of what she cooks. Edit: corrected to Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
The "high functioning" label is actually super offensive. But I get where you are seeing that.
Load More Replies... Like one of the last commenters said, he sounds like he has a bakers mentality. I’ve always heard that cooking is art and baking is science. You can get creative with your cooking, it’s the baking that you need to be more careful about!
And even then, only certain ingredients matter. Want to add chocolate chips to that muffin recipe, no harm no foul, just be careful with things like baking powder/flour ratio
Load More Replies... I do this all the time. Then my sister will ask for the recipe and I will give her a blank stare because I don't remember what I put in it.
What seemed appropriate at the time and what I had leftover needing to be used up?
Load More Replies... When he choose to dig in deeper and compare her to a child and then imply that a child can do something she can't he confirmed to me he was a a*****e. First have a little self awareness and realize when your wrong!
Dude - I’m autistic, and *I* wouldn’t bίtch about stuff like this. And let me tell you, I’m very much a list kind of person - although I make lists exclusively for ME to follow. I don’t force them on others, what’s wrong with you? She’s cooking, yey! Awesome! Tastes great! Other than that, shut the hell up!
Also autistic and neither would I, but all autistic people are different. Doesn't mean he isn't handling it incorrectly
Load More Replies... His problem seems to be that he resents the wasted money on the recipe sites but it’s not wasted if HE needs them. He said they never normally cook together so clearly they are needed for his days.
I wonder if the author is autistic. They have a very rule-based approach to cooking. There's nothing wrong with following a recipe exactly. But equally, there's also nothing wrong with experimenting and making substitutions. . .. . .. . . . . . .It sounds like this couple needs to chat about expectations and following rules. This is not going to improve without a discussion.
Not everything is about being neurodivergent. He's just a plain a*****e and probably inexperienced in the kitchen. My father who barely knows how to butter a toast will bake a frozen pizza exactly to the amount of time shown on the box and then complain it's not to his liking because it's undercooked for his taste. Then take the same pizza and do the same thing the next week because "it's what it says on the box".
Load More Replies... I'd be worried about her "tweaks" if she was a terrible cook who only made things worse. But I found it interesting that in OP's whole post, he only complained that she *did* tweak the recipe, he said nothing about, "and it tasted horrible, the way she did it!" As long as the end product tastes good, who effing cares that she "tweaked" it?!
Hey panda, upgrade your servers. I really enjoy the "articles" but I am about to move on to a different site because I don't want to wait 30 seconds for your ads to load before I can slide to the actual article. I don't mind the ads, I'm a freeloader. Please make them load so I can use your site. Thx. Just thought I'd give you some feedback before I jump ship.
I follow the recipe once, usually when I try it for the first time and next time I just have it there but dont really care what it says. If you are cooking long enough, watch the people you cook for, you know what they like and adjust any recipe to your liking. Everyone creates their own thing off of others creations. Like whatever your parents cooked you do as well but kind of different.
Last Christmas my mom asked me to write down a recipe for a soup I make pretty often during winter. She wanted to put it on little gifts for people in her friend group that had previously asked how I make it. I explained that even I don't actually know how much of what I put in it. I measure with my heart lol. I did my best. Apparently her friends liked how the actual recipe turned out. What I find hilarious is that it's a "recipe" my maternal grandmother taught me so my mom really should have been able to figure it out lol. My grandmother handed down her recipe book to me prior to her passing 25ish years ago. Most things don't have measurements, just ingredients so you pretty much have to learn from the generation before you. It's a tradition that I love and it always makes me feel like she's in the kitchen with me, whispering little suggestions in my ear while I cook. (Oh and OP is VERY much TA.....obviously)
This is very much how 'recipes' were first recorded as they were ment for professionals that were expected to be familiar with existing techniques. Recipes ment for professionals are still often very bare bones with simple measurements in weight and a technique or method stated.
Load More Replies... I get how your brain works. A better way to handle that would be can you tell me what you changed or what you added do I can can mine to. It tasted good when you made it. And one more thing try to handle the ocd it can end up with these issues
Not an a*****e but maybe a bit closed minded. First time you cook more or less strickt after receipt to find out how the "inventor" wants it to taste like but second time you change what you want.
A lot of times, I only look up recipes to get a sense of how much of each ingredient I need.
Load More Replies... I NEVER cook exactly after the recipe. I have it on hand for the basic steps but I always add or take away stuff. I swap ingredients for something I like better and I add more or different spices. My dads a chef and he tought me how to use the recipe as a guide line but cook with my intuition. That's why I always taste, smell and touch what I'm making (I do wash my hands before and after touching the food) and it never turned out bad. Sometimes I notice that something isn't right so I take notes and change something the next time.
Any idiot can follow the ikea instructions to assemble a bookshelf. If you want to built a bookcase yourself you have to learn carpentry (cabinentry?). That's the difference with *knowing* how to cook and blindly following directions.
Load More Replies... There are many free recipe websites, so paying for subscriptions definitely sounds like a waste of money. Also investing in the one best cookbook of all time will end the need for the subscriptions. The Joy Of Cooking not only contains tens of thousands of recipes, but it also instructs you on every type of cooking and baking technique that exists in western cuisine. It is an amazing text.
What an odd thing to judge the on. Why do you care? It's only a waste of money if they don't use and enjoy the sites. Many paid sites (including the NYT, which is $40 for a yr) offer additional features like the ability to easily curate and notate your recipes for easy access and repeat use all in one spot. And love for the joy of cooking is great if it's your thing. I personally don't care for it and have many other cookbooks with more modern, ethnic and vegetable focus I prefer Or, they may prefer to have pictures, comments from others who have made the recipe, etc.
Load More Replies... I modify recipes all the time because several commonly used ingredients, like sage and rosemary, are migraine triggers. I also like a lot of garlic and onion, and I like to experiment with various Asian and Indian spices. If his GF drives him batty, then he needs to find a more pedantic GF.
When I met my husband 24 yrs ago I had to alter almost every "recipe" I used because he's allergic to garlic and cinnamon. I feel your pain. It's so hard to cook good food without the right ingredients lol. I have no idea if any foods trigger my migraines but scents will, so perfumes etc.
Load More Replies... What a dipweed. This guy can't be serious. There's no way he actually made this post and didn't see a single issue in how he treated her. He literally insulted her intelligence for what? Chicken parmesan? Yikes.
I wonder if you ever figure out how a recipe actually comes to be. Someone throwing ingrediance together to create something tasty, then writes it down. Get the stick out of your damn a*s.
So he wouldn't even try the grilled cheese parm but wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole? On the off chance that he's reading this, or if this applies to any of you, but if you won't even try something, you have absolutely no right to talk trash about it, with little to no exception. I personally only hate one food on this planet, the evil onion. However, if I'm offered a dish that was cooked with onions, especially by a loved one, I will at least give it a taste before I turn it away, and even if I don't like it, I'll generally just eat it as quickly as possible as not to offend, although I will admit if asked, in as polite a way as possible, something like "the onion taste was a bit strong for my taste buds, so probably wouldn't want that again in the future, but it definitely wasn't bad, thank you!" Maybe I'm overly polite, but I'd rather be that than to be a jerk
I'm going to come at this from a different angle because I was married almost 30 years to a man with Aspergers. There are more people on the spectrum and with traits from the spectrum than most people realize. Many people on the spectrum are undiagnosed. There are cultures where Aspergers specific traits often appear dominant. When people are very routine driven, pedantic, ( petty) , rigid, by the book types they often have shades of this condition. It is very difficult for them to believe successful outcomes can exist if they do not follow directions to the letter. Aspires also are very rigid on what they will eat. Many detest sauces and gravies, only like eggs a certain way and refuse to eat certain foods. This is not set in stone and with gentle nudging they often change their minds about food. The OP can learn a lot about the difference between a recipe follower and an intuitive cook. I have been cooking for over 50 years and despite coming from a family full of chefs,
( con't) caterers, foodies, I am considered the best in our family. Not only do I not follow recipes, I often don't have recipes. This, despite having a cook's library with almost 1000 cookbooks. I love to read cookbooks for inspiration and to learn about ingredients. I especially love the combo of food writing and recipes. Because I am getting old, I have begun to write down and share recipes my friends and families have enjoyed for decades. It is not as easy as you think because I cook intuitively. I know to get a carmelized tone to a dish, I could use onion, or sugar, or sear honey...or use mushrooms or a very old balsamic vinegar. Depends on the dish..I could also make the flavor more exotic. So to write a recipe, I must cook the dish, stop and write what I just did. Yes, a recipe is a STARTING point. There is a difference between a person who follows a pre-written recipe and those who create recipes. A creator also knows how to riff on a dish or correct something and
Load More Replies... I'm not a great cook, so I follow the recipe, my hubby is better, he doesn't follow any set rules, he does ok. I don't always like what he cooks as it is saltier than I care for. I, however, like to sew, I will alter a pattern to suit my preferences, so do what you have talents for. Same applies.
I can kinda relate to this guy in his style of cooking. I like to follow the recipe as well. If I read a recipe and don't like certain ingredients or it seems off, I might look around for a different recipe that's more to my liking. I'm starting to get a little more comfortable with making my own changes and improvising a bit, but it's definitely not my forte. I like baking more than cooking (probably that whole cooking is art, baking is science thing). That being said, trying to force someone else to cook my way is an AH move.
I tweak the recipes I make a lot of times. Bake goods have less sugar than recipe asks for. In cooking supper I usually put less paprika, Paprika can take over the taste some times.
Is he one of those people who immediately has a meltdown when a recipe calls for "salt to taste"? You are absolutely allowed to make adjustment to recipes, unless your changes make the dish inedible or unsafe to eat, which is just wasteful. I always use recipes as suggestions and/or inspiration. As far as I know that's how most people cook.
I like how he points out that the recipes they get at the subscription sites are sometimes really creative, but doesn't like to be creative when cooking himself. XD
YTA - recipies are guidelines not the law, I woul ditch you and pompous approach to cooking
I hardly ever follow recipes anymore. But even now, I occasionally will follow a recipe to the letter, just to see what there is about it I'd want to change for my own tastes. This guy needs to see a therapist to find out why he is so a**l about cooking. It wouldn't be so bad if he just cooked that way himself. The girlfriend must be a very forgiving person, because the first "comment" about my cooking like that, would have been the last comment he had the chance to give.
I'm betting BF is on the spectrum and a stickler for 'rules' and following instructions to the letter.
A recipe is TOTALLY just a guidance of one way of doing it - get creative, do it to your liking, but I would recommend that you cook one to the contents and order of the recipe, to understand what it meant, then, knock yourself out getting creative, as now, you know what would make it better and how to tweak it to your taste, that is, if you liked the base...
Worthless article about a worthless argument by a worthless control freak about a girl who cooks for a worthless idiot.
Cooking is art and you get to change and try different things. Baking is like chemistry and it's best not to change anything. This person does not seem like he would currently be good partner. He's wound up way too tight
If I am cooking a food for the first time, I may follow the recipe exactly. However, I’m likely to change it to next time. Also, unless the food is very unfamiliar to me, I am likely to change it the first time. Such a silly thing for you to be fighting about.
NTA, but hear me out. I'm autistic, and I have mates like this. They don't do it to be obstinate, they feel uneasy when instructions are deliberately thwarted to unknown outcome. My mother is a chef and cooks based on recipe, but often plays around with recipes to tailor them to the taste of her guests. I too enjoy that kind of creative expression, but I would never make my hobby a priority if to others it means fear or discomfort. He did not handle the situation well and clearly needs to help in communicating effectively, but I would not regard him TA without information that he is in fact just being pedantic. If that be the case, then he's clearly TA here, I do admit.
Why are there so many cookbooks if there was only one way to make something? Compare recipes in a few cookbooks. I'd bet they won't be the same.
I watched my mom cook as a kid and one day, she watched me make spaghetti sauce. She said I did 5 things differently than what she does. After dinner, she said it was better than hers! I always make a new recipe according to directions but will make my own changes when I make it again. He is lucky to have a woman who LIKES to cook, will cook and not afraid to try new things instead of going out all the time. May be he should stick to his box mac & cheese lol. The recipe never changes lol
I follow recipes for dishes I've never made before, but after a few times, I start tweaking to taste, just as every other person who cooks that I've ever known. Once, I decided to surprise my bf with a Greek-themed dinner just for fun. I roasted a chicken, and made the vegetables the way they would have been prepared by the ancient Greeks. I even found some "ancient" Greek music and the closest I could find to the wine they would have had. Mind you this wasn't the first time I'd cooked for him, but it was sure the last! He came in, took one look at the food, and fixed himself a sandwich. Wouldn't even try a bite of anything, not even to keep from hurting my feelings. Since then, he's had the nerve to mention a few times that I won't cook for him. Uh, no! That incident and all the other ones when he would complain that "I didn't fix it right," was enough for me! You better be a little more gracious, grateful, and get the stick out of you know where, or you'll lose her like he lost m
This bloke is either autistic, extremely neurotic or brainwashed by service in USA military.
I identify with this story because when I cook I use the ingredients we have on hand, so bf decided to call them "concoctions" which was meant as derogatory as it sounds. Yet the same AH is so impressed when we watch top Chef or masterchef and they do the exact same thing. "How do they come up with that???"
He has a woman cooking for him and is mad lol. I think the post fake because this is too one-sided. Many times the real problem in relationships is a lack of communication. If bf tells gf something she pretends to listen and then does what she wants and ignores bf input. This is annoyingly common. If he said he liked it a certain way and she was like "ok" and he is like "are you listening?" and she is like "yes I hear you" then proceeds to disregard everything he said and does it contrary to his likes because she thinks she knows best like it is a surprise he will like. If he really is this dense he must have ocd or some other mental defect.
I'm 65, and I've been cooking since I could reach the stove, standing on a stepstool. I tweak recipes all the time, when I bother to use one. Most of my life, including for baking, I just eyeballed amounts and didn't even measure. I only started measuring because my friends want my recipes, and want me to write a cookbook. Now I'm doing keto-ish, and low carb recipes are often fussier, and you really do have to measure, and sometimes weigh, ingredients. But for some things, I still wing it.
Wow can't believe you're taking a chance on somebody so "CRAZY"! What's next? She gonna want to try a new position!!
I thought it was adding weird stuff like candy or putting cheese on everything. But its just an extra chilly or salt lol
Dudes got problems, never once did say they were fails, she needs to find a man who appreciates she even cooks! Ffs!
Honestly, He Seems Like A Perfectionist And Possibly Controlling. She On The Other Hand Has A Creative Approach. They Are Opposites, That's All. He's Overreacting Because She Crosses The Comfort Zone While He Never Crosses The Line. I Myself, Am A Little Bit Of Both. I Like Order And Organization. I'm A Perfectionist And Like The Measurements To Be Exact, HOWEVER, I Do LOVE Experimenting New Things!! I'm Still Nee To Cooking, But I Always Research Different Versions Of One Dish, Or Ask My Mom For Advice; She Was A Professional Chef. I Use Substitutions All The Time In Case I Don't Like Something Or Don't Have It. It's The Same Thing Really; Just Add The Same Amount. Like A Different Kind Of Milk Or Cheese Or Your Preferred Seasoning!! My Mom Also Loves Trying New Things In The Kitchen!! Sometimes She Just Using Her Own Imagination, No Recipes, To Make Her Own Sauces And Dishes!! They Always Turn Out Amazing!! I Thought People Knew Restaurants Can't Have The Same Recipes. 🤔 🙄 💕 💕
How do you feel it's your place to say anything at all? When my husband cooks he makes what and how as he sees fit and when I cook it is likewise. Now If he mentions something I generally oblige or fix it to suit both separately. Example I like noodles with alot of dishes, he likes rice. I make them separately to add on the plate. If he wants extra salt he can add more to his plate so I don't have to If I don't want extra. It's not your place to be all commando about it. Your either rooting fir any reason you can find to break up and or a pycho that will be in prison for murder as you have serious mental issues that seem from lack of control which you can't handle. Yikes
I can understand him wanting to taste the recipe as/is before tweaking it. Also, some people are just more comfortable cooking freely while others prefer or need to follow recipes. Cooking freely while others prefer or need to follow recipes. However, if the food tastes good and she is doing the cooking for him on that particular day, it might be better to just say thank you and enjoy someone preparing you a nice meal. It sounds like maybe there are other communication issues at hand here and this is just the catalyst.
My mom started teaching me how to cook when I was 10. I've altered family recipes to my family's and my tastes. My husband grills, I cook. I tried teaching him to cook, but he hates following recipes and has many, many times ruined food trying to come up with his own concoction. I won't say there's never been a success bc that would be a lie, there are several things he's concocted that were not only edible, but delicious. But we do NOT cook together anymore bc he will try to throw things in w***y nilly and I get mad. I am very careful how I alter something, and again, it's usually to our tastes, not just to do it randomly. Every time we cooked together and he added or subtracted an ingredient (or many) it ruined the meal. I have my suspicion that he did this on purpose to get out of having to cook, which I'm ok with bc I honestly enjoy cooking. My 16 yo son learned to cook at 10, and my 10 yo son is just now starting to learn. They love it and they learned a life skill.
Seriously, W-ill-y was edited? Isn't that a name? Like a nickname for William? That's ridiculous.
Load More Replies... Wow...this guy is a tool. As someone who left an abusive and controlling relationship less than a year ago, with a man who claimed he could cook (he has like 2-3 staple recipes that I think taste terrible), who constantly hovered while I was cooking, he makes me creeped out. I'm a great cook, and rarely do I follow a recipe exactly. It is a guide, and my tweaks make it even better. I'm known as an amazing cook. I also incorporate elements of recipes into my own inventions. When friends hear I'm cooking, they practically invite themselves!! Ridiculously petty.
Wow, that sounds absolutely terrible, like omg I'd completely tear my effin brains out if someone did this, like seriously how could she do this to you!? But no, I am just having a hard time comprehending that something like this is such an issue to you that you'd complain about it online. Like dude, come on... People have different ways of doing things, at least she didn't add poison.
Recipes are written by other people with differing tastes. And I'm sure more would be offended if you *DIDN'T* tweak the recipe to your own tastes, because you're supposed to enjoy the food.
It's one thing to get creative with a recipe to make it your own. But frankly I think this girl has some sort of control issues. Or just scatterbrained. Most of us, when we find a new recipe, will follow it the first time. Otherwise, how will you know whether you like it or not? THEN, you can tweak it to better suit your taste. A recipe becomes a guideline after that. If you want more garlic, add more. But there are reasons why ingredients are put together in a certain order. It may for ease in blending. Otherwise, you might end up with a lumpy sauce etc. Measurements matter because of balance. You can change them as you like. But if this girl can't even read the recipe before she starts, refuses to follow it, it's not necessarily a sign of creative genius. More going on here than meets the eye. There's a reason why you don't make a tomato sauce out of tomato paste and water. Because it sucks, that's why.
Except that OP indicates the food comes out fine. The issue is clearly him, not her. And nowhere does he say "she doesn't even read the recipe." His words were "barely even glanced at the recipe," which, given the tone of the rest of his writing, can be taken as an overwrought exaggeration on his part. But even so, if you get good enough cooking, you CAN literally glance at a recipe for inspration, then do your own thing. And there's nothing wrong with that. She isn't the one with control issues, CLEARLY he is.
Load More Replies... Yta. What is wrong with you? The more you cook the more you understand cooking and the more license you have to play and get creative. Unless I am out of my depth I use recipes as inspiration only, or to get an idea of what the spices are to create a certain flavour profile. And baking obviously even though I play with that too. And sometimes I invent things without ever using a recipe at all. your lack of confidence in the kitchen plus your obvious rigidity and rule following nature is going to ruin your relationship. The food tastes good. Get over it
If she's not wasting food & money (like entire vegetables or cuts of meat, not using spices isn't really a problem imo), and it tastes good, then I don't see the problem?? I'm kinda hoping this is the gf writing from the bfs perspective to show him how much of an AH he's being? Unless the bf is the type of neurodivergent that has to do everything the way it says to be done, then I don't understand what his issue is. And even if he is ND, he still doesn't have the right to tell her how to cook, especially when she's not doing anything wrong. If it's really such a problem, they should both sit down and talk about why they're upset, why they cook the way they do, and how to come to an agreement. If they're cooking on their own, they can do their own thing. If they're cooking together, maybe they can do things step by step like he likes and she can add in/substitute whatever ingredients she likes. Idk this seems like a very dumb thing for OP to be upset about.
The only thing I agree with is that she's wasting money on recipe subscriptions, especially if they're trying to save money. Clearly she's an experienced cook and a smart lady, and doesn't need recipes. Even if she does she can get recipes for free online. Maybe he's getting this unreasonably and weirdly angry about this because he feels like they're spending money on recipes that aren't being used.
First of all, let me start by saying that my husband and I have been together for 19 years and we've always had our own protocol for cooking meals. I don't question his and vice versa. If these two are arguing about something so miniscule, I would suggest they don't think about marriage down the road. Can you imagine what the conversation of having kids or what kind of wedding they want would transpire?
One thing I didn't hear "And she ruins everything! It tastes awful! " So I'm not really sure what the problem is.
This is no different than going to a restaurant and having them substitute something or leave something out. This sounds like a HIM issue.
The only time I think it's okay to be this nitpicky is if you're sensitive to certain things like texture, smell, taste, etc. Especially if they're autistic or have an eating disorder like ARFID.
I'll follow a recipe if it's the first time to make it. After that, I cook it my way. No complaints yet! Been cooking 35 years.
Respecting the time & effort, that went into creating the original recipe, by cooking it as is, is important. Also, everyone has unique taste buds, so maybe not tweak every recipe.
And he expects her to sleep with him after being so critical and a tight-a$$ judgmental bad cook? He hates joy.
I think the OP was upset about having payed for recipes (they mention 2 subscriptions), just to see the cook "not using the recipes ". Like why pay for the recipes in the first place? I'm a "creative" cook myself, I'll tweak and substitute on my whims too. I'll look at what I have and make something up as I go. My spouse is more organized. They'll taste to correct the recipe, but will adamantly not accept "ratatouille" without thyme, I can still make it without, but I have to name it differently.
Poor girl. I hope she will never have kids with this guy, that would be a huge nightmare.
Cooking is like free form jazz. Once you know how to make something or learned a technique it's about improvisation, repetition and perfecting. Baking, pastry and candy making is more like preforming classical music. The sheet music MUST be followed and there's only so much personalization that can be added before you've strayed from what is canon. This is how I always explain the different mentalities of cooking. The OP sounds like he might be on the autism spectrum due to their overly dogmatic adhere to 'rules'.
He sounds like a controlling jerk. They seem to work very different hours, and aren't together a lot. I think if he doesn't change is attitude then she needs to rethink her relationship. As someone else worded it - he's diagnosably weird.
I think the guy tweaked something once and was yelled at nota (no one's the a*****e) he sounds like heemonie from hp.. closed minded
Professional chef here. Dude is trippin. Of course you can alter recipes to match your preferences and make a few experiments. And Insee nothing wrong with her leftover chicke thing..sounded good to me. Just because you're too afraid to make a mistake doesnt mean you should be or she be. You like her food so shut the door. you sound really a**l.
So...does he think someone's just totally screwed if they're allergic to something too? I'm allergic to mint, so recipes that call for it, I just skip it. But people who are deathly allergic to peanuts can sometimes have other kinds of nuts, so they could just replace it. What does this guy think if they literally can NOT have an ingredient?
I love trash meals , they usually turn out better than the original meal and it is creative/exciting. Also, I would have not snubbed the Parm thing she created anything with mayo is worth trying (mostly, hehe). Kinda of sucky to put your woman down, sounds a little like you are competitive and when she does better you don't like it. Partners build each other up. It's ok if someone is better than you in an area. We all shine differently. Can't be the goat at it all.
Me thinks perhaps OP is nuerodivergent. Often a need to follow rules to the letter is part of ND territory. If he's not, he's just a stickler and should learn to undo his tie a bit. Recipes are guidelines, not gospel.
i can sort of get it if he's a bit OCD. There are certain things that I really need a specific task list for or to be done a specific way or it really bothers me. But I know when to just let it go too. If she's cooking for you and she has the talent to make adjustments and it tastes good, that is a time to just shut up. Or send her to my house. I'll happily eat whatever she makes, say Thank You, and do the dishes.
He should do all the cooking from now on. He has the personality equivalent of six hours of line dancing. I bet they have a set schedule for intercourse, and it's done exactly the same way every time. [Edited to correct a mild problem with my own reading comprehension]
I can definitely see your side of it, and it would bother me too,. Looking forward to a meal and watching someone else turn it into something different, but that's who she is. I would discuss the meal plan in advance when cooking together so you know what to expect and what your limits are. On her days just don't look.
For me, I'm a stickler for recipes!!! If I'm cooking a dish from a recipe book from a chef (known or otherwise) I'll stick to the the recipe as best as I can. They know how to cook the dish best right!!! I've been known to go to multiple shops/grocers to find a certain ingredient. I'll even get annoyed at someone who suggests cooking with chicken breast when the recipe asks for thighs, just because that's what they have in!!! That's not what the recipe is asking for!!!! Grrrrr!!!
Honestly, if you're expecting "traditional" spaghetti but get served up chili spaghetti, you're not going to be wanting that. This man is expecting something but he keeps getting something else. At that point, I'd write it off as a lost effort and just cook my own food. With cultural dishes, this sort of "innovation" can be harmful to the people of that culture. Especially when that's the version that gets amplified.
A sprinkling of chili flakes isn't going to be enough to turn something into chili, it's just going to make it a tiny bit spicier. It's a standard thing to add to taste even in recipes that don't ask for it.
Load More Replies... So he's an a-hole because he would like to try a recipe without tweaks and she won't allow it? Got it. I get the adjusting of recipes, I do it. But she could have easily not tweaked it if she knew his position. You don't always have to have your way in a relationship.
It's literally highlighted in bright red. How is that "buried"?
Load More Replies... To quote the woman herself, “This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook—try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless and above all have fun." Julia Child would take a swig of her wine and smack you with a spoon if she heard you talking like that.
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