Woman Insults Her Obese Boyfriend’s Weight After He Makes Sexist And Fat-Shaming Comments About Other Women
We want our partner to be our biggest cheerleader. And for the most part, Redditor u/Appropriate-Pea-156 was exactly that.
She embraced her boyfriend the way he was, didn’t force him to make any changes, and was trying to make the best of their time together. But the guy had enough insecurity about his weight to go around for the both of them. Still, u/Appropriate-Pea-156 tried to make the relationship work.
It was when he started projecting his disappointment with himself outward and directing it at other people that she couldn’t take it any longer.
Image credits: Martin Vorel (not the actual photo)
Of course, u/Appropriate-Pea-156 knew her partner and if she says he was obese, we have to take her word for it. But in general, a person’s height and weight aren’t really enough to determine how healthy their body is. Yes, these two numbers can give us their body mass index (BMI) but this measurement has its flaws.
“The BMI is a measure of the mass of a person’s body divided by their height squared,” general practitioner, medical researcher, and founder of PrimeHealth Clinical Research, Iris Gorfinkel, M.D., told Bored Panda. “So it’s just taking into consideration those two things, how much they weigh, and how tall they are. But the problem, of course, is that mass, how much a person weighs, is made up of both fat and muscle. So the BMI doesn’t give you a good idea of if a person is truly healthy or not, for example, they could look like, say, Arnold Schwarzenegger and be solid muscle.”
Gorfinkel said a much better metric is waist circumference. “People who carry their weight on their bellies is called visceral fat. It sits under the skin and it’s like a spare tire around the waistline. But it also includes the fat that’s deep inside our abdomen, and that’s the fat that surrounds the liver, the pancreas, the stomach, and the intestines. Turns out, the more visceral fat a person has, the more fat surrounds the heart, and the more artery blockage from atherosclerosis can occur. So visceral fat — that the tire around the waist — is actually a predictor of heart attack and stroke.”
According to the doctor, when their weight is distributed more on the person’s hips and thighs (and not their waist), disease risk actually drops. “That may be because hip and thigh circumference measures not just fat but fat plus muscle,” Gorfinkel said. “We know that strong muscles protect from inflammation and that directly reduces the severity of chronic conditions.”
“As muscle strengthen, blood pressure tends to go down, cholesterol levels tend to improve, sugar levels tend to go down in diabetics, and heart attack and stroke risk go down as well. It’s not a one-size-fits-all, but a big waist circumference is far more dangerous than big hips and big thighs.”
The ideal waist circumference in men is less than 40 inches (102 centimeters) and in women, it’s less than 35 inches (79 centimeters).
As the story went viral and people expressed their support for OP, she provided even more info on the situation
We already talked about how extra weight affects the body but there’s one more thing that needs to be said. “Obesity ( especially central abdominal obesity) has a number of negative impacts on COVID-19 as well,” doctor Gorfinkel added. “If somebody is really big, what winds up happening is that they have high levels of inflammation. Then if they’re struck by COVID-19, that inflammation can go ballistic, and a ‘cytokine storm’ can happen — that’s where the body’s own immune system attacks not only the virus but the body’s own cells. In other words, the immune system turns against the person’s body. And that can not only worsen pneumonia that COVID-19 can cause, but it can directly damage lung tissue.”
That can cause acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS) that’s been a major cause of death in patients with COVID-19. The mortality rate from that is about 40%.
u/Appropriate-Pea-156 partner felt he’s wasn’t getting enough support. It’s true, knowing how to rot for someone else in a healthy and balanced way is a common issue. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly, instead of blindly guessing what the other person wants and needs, be sure that you and your partner feel free to talk to each other about how you’re feeling.
“It’s important for the partner who is craving support to be specific about the issue at hand and exactly what would feel supportive,” she told Bustle. “For example, a partner might say, ‘I’m really stressed about work right now. I would love your support; It would feel so good if you went on a quiet walk with me (cuddled me, watched a movie with me, etc.).'”
However, while supporting your partner should be important to you, that doesn’t mean you have to go along with just about anything they want, especially if they’re doing something destructive. “Part of being in a healthy relationship is having hard conversations where we share our true thoughts, especially when our partner is doing something destructive,” Dr. Marisa Franco, a former professor with a PhD in counseling psychology, said.
Having a relationship is hard work. Partners have to make sacrifices for each other every once in a while. For example, maybe one person agrees to get up early and take the dog out so that their loved one who came back from work late can sleep in a bit. But experts say that ignoring all of your needs for the common good isn’t healthy.
“A relationship is about compromise to ensure that each party is getting their needs met to the extent that they can,” Franco explained. Instead of enduring a situation in which a person gets all of their needs met at the expense of the other who is constantly sacrificing, the second one should probably think about a (new) more balanced relationship.
At the end of the day, however corny it may sound, happiness comes from within. And this story is an excellent example of that. If you’re not content with yourself, you are the one who has to solve it.
Later, the author of the post said the relationship eventually ended
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Idk what’s worse the mansplaining of dieting and exercise to a woman who clearly doesn’t need it or him fat shaming other women when he himself is fat. She did right to end the relationship definitely dodged a bullet here. He’ll be single for a while.
Mansplaining of dieting and exercise... well phrased 👍.
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Why TF would you ever date a man you KNEW would leave you if you gain weight?!!
Yeah... even if you're confident you will never gain weight, you're saying that you know he doesn't like you for YOU, he likes you because he enjoys having someone thin who is into him.
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When I used to work in a male dominated trade field, I had a similar experience. One day a woman came into the shop and needed something small. One of the guys I work with helped her at the counter, got her what she needed, and everything was fine and she left. When he returned to the work area out back, he and another guy started talking about how she was unattractive, and then escalated into totally criticizing her. As I am standing there listening to these two, I piped up about how neither of them are male adonises and they stood there shocked and put in their place. They actually had to think for the first time that their criticism of another, just might be applied to them.
"Do you not have a mirror?" Is unfortunately something I've asked more than once. Glass houses should not throw stones.
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So he says that calling him Fat in front of his friends is rude, but calling women he's seen on Tinder as being Fat and Desperate behind their backs is ok. Gee, wonder what he says about you when you're not around to defend yourself? Ditch him. You can do better than that. And his sideways quips at you about what you eat are ways for him to put you down because he feels insecure about himself. You are going to be propping up his ego your whole life and it will get only worse if he convinces you to marry him. Run now while you can.
NTA. It's not like she just went up to him and said "Oh god, you are so fat!" in front of his friend for absolutely no reason. He was making demeaning comments about random strangers who didn't bother him in any way, and she just pointed out it's rich coming from him to judge people for being fat. He can dish it out, but he can't take it.
More detailed update (from Reddit): "Sure. It wasn't very dramatic, to be honest. I texted him saying I had given the situation some thought and that while I was sorry for insulting him in front of his friends, I didn't regret how I felt and based on that it might be better to breakup. I also mentioned various things that annoyed me, like how he has a habit of policing my eating habits and offering diet advice. He left me on read, and then one of his friends called me the next day to ask if he could come over on my ex's behalf to pick up his stuff. So, yeah. Talk about a wasted 8 months."
He sounds like a total coward, she might have wasted 8 months, but at least she didn't go on and waste any longer. I bet he wasn't expecting her to end it while he was *deciding* whether or not he could forgive her! He probably expected her to beg for forgiveness :D
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My dad to my mom: "I'll leave you if you ever get fat". My dad to his daughters: "You're not allowed to eat, fat people are disgusting, and you didn't earn that food". My mom once said she wishes she'd become obese just long enough to get him to go.... And, FYI, my late sis had eating disorder issues, I can borderline on it, and my dad had a huge beer gut. TLDR: It's about controlling someone.
She doesn't need to be obese. She could just divorce him.
Load More Replies... a momentary lapse of decorum in reaction to an idiotic outburst from a jerk-off does not make one an asshole.
Said it perfectly, he's a sexist asshat that is trying to use his fatness (that he has done *nothing* about other than talk), to act all hurt after being abusive to women who possibly *are* doing something about it, but even if they aren't he has no business making a joke of it. The guy sounds like the stereotypical neckbeard
She is NTA. If you fat shame someone else, then you must accept being fat shamed yourself. Jees. Her weight is very healthy (and no, not underweight). Wat een gezeik om niks.
But he's a manly MAN, so it's okay for him to be fat, but not for WOMEN of course.
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Glad you left this negging lazy loser. No one should ever be this desperate for a boyfriend. There are far better men in the world. Don't reward ones like this with a relationship.
I would leave him. He sounds sexist and puts his insecurities onto others. A person who needs to belittle others to feel better about themselves. Those who tear others down to find self-worth are those who are incapable of responsibility and admitting fault/flaws. He is incapable of self improvement and will just get worse as he gets older.
Give him a few days to think things over... in fact, give him ALL the days... kick his hypocritical fat ass to the curb... you deserve better...
Best thing that could have happened he sounds like a manipulative asshole. You've just shed 229lbs of flab that you certainly do not need to carry.
Guy sounds like my father. He's O B E S E and yet here he is, calling out obese people rude names and talking about them with disgusts. I used to struggle with anorexia for many years and I know how to lose weight, healthy and unhealthy diets, but he always knows better than me what I should do and eat. I'll tell one thing: RUN
My grandmas are the same. Two of them (gran and granaunt to be precise) have always been chubby (so not a age thing). Yet they kept calling me fat while i had a bmi right in the middle of the healthy range. The hypocrisy
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My ex husband Use to joke he'd leave me if I got Fat when I met him I was 102 lbs 5'3 I had our son and had 90 extra lbs to me, he stopped taking me on dates, wouldn't even let me change in front of him, being overweight was new to me . People normally thought I was anorexic so I was being myself goofing off and I was like OMG my belly jiggles and I was jiggling my belly by poking at it and laughing. He got mad at me and scolded me that I was disgusting .Anyways realized he Jokes were not Jokes.
Okay.. I’ve had a slightly alike relationship and it sücksssss I’m 6 feet 7 and growing, but I weight around 410 pounds, and no I’m not obese, I’m a frìcking beefcake! I have no problems against a little chonk, but I dislike obesity. I know it can be hard to keep weight away once you gain it, but fat shaming other people while being fat crosses the line for me.
As a person who struggles with anorexia and fat shaming, OP's boyfriend made me see red as well.
Oh thank god they broke up. This was a nail-biter and I was clenching everything as I read through the posts and her replies. I feel like *I* just lost 229 lbs.
I was totally gobsmacked about this line: ''You'll just gain weight because you'll put on too much muscle.'' No, just no... People who say that need a big lesson on fitness, sport & nutrition
Give him a few days to think over things.. in fact, give him ALL the days... kick is hypocritical fat ass to the curb...
okay but 6'/229lbs isn't obese. overweight, yes, by a bit, but not obese. he shouldn't have said what he said, but the woman's being pretty judgy too.
okay sorry but 6'/229lbs is not obese. overweight, a little, maybe, but definitely not obese. dude shouldn't have said what he said, but i feel like both of them are a$$holes. at least she didn't mention the bmi.
His argument holds no water. HE brings up the subject of weight in nearly every breath it sounds. Honestly her response seems like the release of a life time of built up frustration having to listen to this.
fatphobia is bullshit. being fat is A BAD THING. f**k sake
but joke aside yea you needed to lose him so rude of him to comment on fat women when he seems to refuse to do something about his weight
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I once dated someone who said to me that if I gained any more weight he wouldn't find me attractive any more (I was a UK size 10 bordering a 12). I dumped that idiot. Now in a relationship where I gained weight after having our daughter and don't feel any pressure or need to lose it except for myself! Another previous ex used to call me chub chub (I was a UK size 8) and said I was the biggest girl he'd ever been out with, 2 years and an eating disorder later I dumped that as$h¤le too.
Honestly, this whole story just screamed "old, bottled up pain" to me... on both ends. I think the author should have confronted him earlier about his behaviour in a calm manor, which is totally possible. He on the other hand, has bottled up self hate and is projecting this on his partner. Only thing I can say there, I hope he finds some help for that <3
Dammit, I need to learn to read to the end. Good for her!
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That guy is way bigger than 229. IM 6'0 and was up to 210 and no where near as fat as this guy. His gf is pretty normal size.
That's a stock photo, not a pic of the actual ex-boyfriend.
Load More Replies... Good! I don't believe the boyfriend was always projecting self-disgust on the OP when he criticized her. I think he was actually oblivious to his own weight. He just didn't want her to get fat. This is pretty common, albeit troubling.
How can he be fat at 6' 229# when TFG was 6' 3" and 235lbs and in great shape and could live to 200 according to his Dr?
168cm and she only weighs 54kg? Lady you are underweight, a healthy weight for your height would be around 60kg. On the real topic, NTA, I would have said the same. Glad they broke up, he was trying to control her and my guess is that he would upped his controlling the longer this relationship would have gone on.
She does need to gain weight. But ironically you wont see here anybody calling her names. While a person who is in the healthy bmi but towards the end (like 25) will be called all kinds of names. I was right in the middle of the bmi (and a bit muscular) in my 20s and ny entire family called me fat. My sister was in the underweight region and everybody told her how good she looked.
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Be careful here nobody can help you here or even suggest how you can get your ex or love back, any testimonies of most spell caster here must be ignored. Because most of them are scam I mean real scam of which I was a victim and I got ripped of thousands of dollars because I was so anxious to get my Husband back after he left me for over 3 years with my 6 years old son Michael and 4 years old girl Betty. I have applied to 7 different spell caster here and all to no avail they all ask for same thing send your name your ex name address and picture phone number etc which I did over and over again and most of them were from west Africa until I saw a post about THE CONJURED WOMAN and I decided to give her my last trail. Long story cut short, myself and my Husband are Back together for good now and we’re living fine and happy together again, if you’re passing through this in your relationship/marriage seek no further, as THE CONJURED WOMAN is the solution contact her now: Theconjuredwoman@gm
I disagree, 168cm/54kg. is thin, but not skinny or underweight. She's perfectly healthy.
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Idk what’s worse the mansplaining of dieting and exercise to a woman who clearly doesn’t need it or him fat shaming other women when he himself is fat. She did right to end the relationship definitely dodged a bullet here. He’ll be single for a while.
Mansplaining of dieting and exercise... well phrased 👍.
Load More Replies... Why TF would you ever date a man you KNEW would leave you if you gain weight?!!
Yeah... even if you're confident you will never gain weight, you're saying that you know he doesn't like you for YOU, he likes you because he enjoys having someone thin who is into him.
Load More Replies... When I used to work in a male dominated trade field, I had a similar experience. One day a woman came into the shop and needed something small. One of the guys I work with helped her at the counter, got her what she needed, and everything was fine and she left. When he returned to the work area out back, he and another guy started talking about how she was unattractive, and then escalated into totally criticizing her. As I am standing there listening to these two, I piped up about how neither of them are male adonises and they stood there shocked and put in their place. They actually had to think for the first time that their criticism of another, just might be applied to them.
"Do you not have a mirror?" Is unfortunately something I've asked more than once. Glass houses should not throw stones.
Load More Replies... So he says that calling him Fat in front of his friends is rude, but calling women he's seen on Tinder as being Fat and Desperate behind their backs is ok. Gee, wonder what he says about you when you're not around to defend yourself? Ditch him. You can do better than that. And his sideways quips at you about what you eat are ways for him to put you down because he feels insecure about himself. You are going to be propping up his ego your whole life and it will get only worse if he convinces you to marry him. Run now while you can.
NTA. It's not like she just went up to him and said "Oh god, you are so fat!" in front of his friend for absolutely no reason. He was making demeaning comments about random strangers who didn't bother him in any way, and she just pointed out it's rich coming from him to judge people for being fat. He can dish it out, but he can't take it.
More detailed update (from Reddit): "Sure. It wasn't very dramatic, to be honest. I texted him saying I had given the situation some thought and that while I was sorry for insulting him in front of his friends, I didn't regret how I felt and based on that it might be better to breakup. I also mentioned various things that annoyed me, like how he has a habit of policing my eating habits and offering diet advice. He left me on read, and then one of his friends called me the next day to ask if he could come over on my ex's behalf to pick up his stuff. So, yeah. Talk about a wasted 8 months."
He sounds like a total coward, she might have wasted 8 months, but at least she didn't go on and waste any longer. I bet he wasn't expecting her to end it while he was *deciding* whether or not he could forgive her! He probably expected her to beg for forgiveness :D
Load More Replies... My dad to my mom: "I'll leave you if you ever get fat". My dad to his daughters: "You're not allowed to eat, fat people are disgusting, and you didn't earn that food". My mom once said she wishes she'd become obese just long enough to get him to go.... And, FYI, my late sis had eating disorder issues, I can borderline on it, and my dad had a huge beer gut. TLDR: It's about controlling someone.
She doesn't need to be obese. She could just divorce him.
Load More Replies... a momentary lapse of decorum in reaction to an idiotic outburst from a jerk-off does not make one an asshole.
Said it perfectly, he's a sexist asshat that is trying to use his fatness (that he has done *nothing* about other than talk), to act all hurt after being abusive to women who possibly *are* doing something about it, but even if they aren't he has no business making a joke of it. The guy sounds like the stereotypical neckbeard
She is NTA. If you fat shame someone else, then you must accept being fat shamed yourself. Jees. Her weight is very healthy (and no, not underweight). Wat een gezeik om niks.
But he's a manly MAN, so it's okay for him to be fat, but not for WOMEN of course.
Load More Replies... Glad you left this negging lazy loser. No one should ever be this desperate for a boyfriend. There are far better men in the world. Don't reward ones like this with a relationship.
I would leave him. He sounds sexist and puts his insecurities onto others. A person who needs to belittle others to feel better about themselves. Those who tear others down to find self-worth are those who are incapable of responsibility and admitting fault/flaws. He is incapable of self improvement and will just get worse as he gets older.
Give him a few days to think things over... in fact, give him ALL the days... kick his hypocritical fat ass to the curb... you deserve better...
Best thing that could have happened he sounds like a manipulative asshole. You've just shed 229lbs of flab that you certainly do not need to carry.
Guy sounds like my father. He's O B E S E and yet here he is, calling out obese people rude names and talking about them with disgusts. I used to struggle with anorexia for many years and I know how to lose weight, healthy and unhealthy diets, but he always knows better than me what I should do and eat. I'll tell one thing: RUN
My grandmas are the same. Two of them (gran and granaunt to be precise) have always been chubby (so not a age thing). Yet they kept calling me fat while i had a bmi right in the middle of the healthy range. The hypocrisy
Load More Replies... My ex husband Use to joke he'd leave me if I got Fat when I met him I was 102 lbs 5'3 I had our son and had 90 extra lbs to me, he stopped taking me on dates, wouldn't even let me change in front of him, being overweight was new to me . People normally thought I was anorexic so I was being myself goofing off and I was like OMG my belly jiggles and I was jiggling my belly by poking at it and laughing. He got mad at me and scolded me that I was disgusting .Anyways realized he Jokes were not Jokes.
Okay.. I’ve had a slightly alike relationship and it sücksssss I’m 6 feet 7 and growing, but I weight around 410 pounds, and no I’m not obese, I’m a frìcking beefcake! I have no problems against a little chonk, but I dislike obesity. I know it can be hard to keep weight away once you gain it, but fat shaming other people while being fat crosses the line for me.
As a person who struggles with anorexia and fat shaming, OP's boyfriend made me see red as well.
Oh thank god they broke up. This was a nail-biter and I was clenching everything as I read through the posts and her replies. I feel like *I* just lost 229 lbs.
I was totally gobsmacked about this line: ''You'll just gain weight because you'll put on too much muscle.'' No, just no... People who say that need a big lesson on fitness, sport & nutrition
Give him a few days to think over things.. in fact, give him ALL the days... kick is hypocritical fat ass to the curb...
okay but 6'/229lbs isn't obese. overweight, yes, by a bit, but not obese. he shouldn't have said what he said, but the woman's being pretty judgy too.
okay sorry but 6'/229lbs is not obese. overweight, a little, maybe, but definitely not obese. dude shouldn't have said what he said, but i feel like both of them are a$$holes. at least she didn't mention the bmi.
His argument holds no water. HE brings up the subject of weight in nearly every breath it sounds. Honestly her response seems like the release of a life time of built up frustration having to listen to this.
fatphobia is bullshit. being fat is A BAD THING. f**k sake
but joke aside yea you needed to lose him so rude of him to comment on fat women when he seems to refuse to do something about his weight
Load More Replies... I once dated someone who said to me that if I gained any more weight he wouldn't find me attractive any more (I was a UK size 10 bordering a 12). I dumped that idiot. Now in a relationship where I gained weight after having our daughter and don't feel any pressure or need to lose it except for myself! Another previous ex used to call me chub chub (I was a UK size 8) and said I was the biggest girl he'd ever been out with, 2 years and an eating disorder later I dumped that as$h¤le too.
Honestly, this whole story just screamed "old, bottled up pain" to me... on both ends. I think the author should have confronted him earlier about his behaviour in a calm manor, which is totally possible. He on the other hand, has bottled up self hate and is projecting this on his partner. Only thing I can say there, I hope he finds some help for that <3
Dammit, I need to learn to read to the end. Good for her!
Load More Replies... That guy is way bigger than 229. IM 6'0 and was up to 210 and no where near as fat as this guy. His gf is pretty normal size.
That's a stock photo, not a pic of the actual ex-boyfriend.
Load More Replies... Good! I don't believe the boyfriend was always projecting self-disgust on the OP when he criticized her. I think he was actually oblivious to his own weight. He just didn't want her to get fat. This is pretty common, albeit troubling.
How can he be fat at 6' 229# when TFG was 6' 3" and 235lbs and in great shape and could live to 200 according to his Dr?
168cm and she only weighs 54kg? Lady you are underweight, a healthy weight for your height would be around 60kg. On the real topic, NTA, I would have said the same. Glad they broke up, he was trying to control her and my guess is that he would upped his controlling the longer this relationship would have gone on.
She does need to gain weight. But ironically you wont see here anybody calling her names. While a person who is in the healthy bmi but towards the end (like 25) will be called all kinds of names. I was right in the middle of the bmi (and a bit muscular) in my 20s and ny entire family called me fat. My sister was in the underweight region and everybody told her how good she looked.
Load More Replies... Be careful here nobody can help you here or even suggest how you can get your ex or love back, any testimonies of most spell caster here must be ignored. Because most of them are scam I mean real scam of which I was a victim and I got ripped of thousands of dollars because I was so anxious to get my Husband back after he left me for over 3 years with my 6 years old son Michael and 4 years old girl Betty. I have applied to 7 different spell caster here and all to no avail they all ask for same thing send your name your ex name address and picture phone number etc which I did over and over again and most of them were from west Africa until I saw a post about THE CONJURED WOMAN and I decided to give her my last trail. Long story cut short, myself and my Husband are Back together for good now and we’re living fine and happy together again, if you’re passing through this in your relationship/marriage seek no further, as THE CONJURED WOMAN is the solution contact her now: Theconjuredwoman@gm
I disagree, 168cm/54kg. is thin, but not skinny or underweight. She's perfectly healthy.
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