Person Explains Guys Often Fail To Notice Girls’ Signals Because They’re All Different After Someone Asks For Obvious Hints
It’s the endless question that guys have been asking themselves since the dawn of time: “Is she into me?” Sure, she’s friendly. She laughs at your jokes. Sometimes, she’ll even reach across and touch your arm mid-conversation. But how do you really know if those are really flirting signs? Where does the line between friends and the first date lie? Having the necessary perception to figure out this classic, awkward teen-movie dilemma can mean the difference between a heartbreaking rejection, or possibly meeting the love of your life!
Image credits: Calvin Chu (not the actual photo)
Naturally, the internet is awash with discussions about this timeless topic on hinting. Theories and guesswork abound as people propose ‘definite signs’ that she always gives, from copying your gestures and movements to her pupils dilating and constantly fixing her hair. The validity of some of these claims is questionable, to say the least, but hey, at least we are working on not being titled as Captain Obvious. Right guys?
So when Reddit user Topvennie asked about the ‘flirting tips and signals’ that most men probably don’t pick up, the discussion was lively and, we gotta say, pretty enlightening. Maybe it’s time we just started being a little more open with each other instead of oblivious?
Image credits: Topvennie
This was the top answer
Traditional expectations still dominate in many areas of dating, and a quick google of ‘how to ask somebody out’ comes back with 95% of the advice directed at men. Guys are ‘supposed to’ do the chasing and make the first move, something that we clearly struggle with at times!
Things are changing, however. I think I’d speak for many of my fellow brothers when saying that getting asked out directly by a woman is a pretty awesome experience, and it’s becoming more common as women don’t feel the need to waste time with our hapless ditherings. If you like someone, particularly if he’s a guy that clearly doesn’t read between the lines too well, perhaps just forego the subtlety and be upfront about it. At least that way, you’ll know for sure and not miss out on a potential date because he was too blind to read your signals.
Many people later agreed with it
Other people shared their personal stories:
Other people had funnier answers:
It's not guys "getting no signals" that are the problem. The problem are 1) guys (and females) who misinterpret your being polite as a "signal"; and 2) girls/women sending "signals" and expecting to be understood. I mean, I know we can be too shy to tell our crushes directly what we feel (trust me, I KNOW), but "sending signals"? That's not the smartest move, unless you plan to move on to the next step and be direct.
Gave you an upvote for reasonable advice, though I DID only send signals to my current boyfriend. Which worked... likely because, originally, I wasn't into him - meaning I CHANGED my behavior. Started off with my usual friendly but standoffish and nearly zero physical contact, changed to walking close to him while letting my hand brush his and just generally being much more open towards him. He got the message. My general advice to people LOOKING for signals is: Does the person treat you DIFFERENTLY than others of the same sex? In a way that suggests interest, or at least shyness? But if you have no idea how they are normally around people, any "signal" except for them TELLING you is just reading tealeaves.
Load More Replies...From past experience, if you can't be direct, you're not ready for a relationship - no matter your gender or sexual preference.
Have to agree. If you can't even be direct about wanting a relationship/sex I can only imagine the amount of problems that lack of communication will lead to later. If you want to be understood, be clear.
Load More Replies...The problem with "Signals" is not that we can't receive them, it's that we don't necessarily know what modulation and carrier frequency that signal is on. Sure we can tune our receivers to sweep the whole band all the time, but that probably causes more stress and problems than it would be worth. Do you ever notice how gay guys don't have this problem?
My first girlfriend (before she was it) was sending me for weeks signals that I was totally oblivious. So she took the direct way , jump from her desk and french kiss me. Still, I didn't knew what was happening
I wish I ran into guys who we shy or oblivious to signals. The guys I meet are like... Me: Hi. Him: Sending D**k pic!
I grew up with 7 sisters and a gaggle of other women (aunts, female cousins, friends) constantly around. Literally a sea of estrogen, reading between lines, and being very quiet/gentle/accommodating in the morning. I have seen stuff men have no business seeing. As a male, I'm pretty darn good at understanding women's subtleties which for a man is about 13 percent. Asking a fella, "How can you tell if a boy is into you ?" is garbage. In these 10 examples alone, we have one girl asking a guy after coffee and looking back he THINKS it may have actually been about him, and another girl that asked and it definitely wasn't about him.
While growing up I rarely understood signals from girls and required a bit more clarity than other boys. Meanwhile I'm better at understanding signals but I refuse to understand them. If I'm not worth a clear answer than it's better to stay away.
Honestly, I consider the problem of (mainly) guys not understanding what a "no" means much bigger problem compared to the issue of the guys not getting the right "yes" signals.
Even if it's not statistically more common (haven't looked it up to confirm), that's DEFINITELY a bigger problem to have to deal with.
Load More Replies...I think it's all part of the process of trying to find that person who is right for you. When you both understand things in the same way the bond will be even better. Fortunately for me, my husband understand and reacted well to my signals. I wish all those signals good luck in finding their person who gets their signals!
If only it was as simple as nature. I bring a cool rock or colorful pile of trash all displaying my robust feathers
I've been telling guys this for years. Not just every woman, but every person is an individual. You have to get to know the individual.
I have always believed in "say what you mean, mean what you say" - even as far back as junior high...i'm "intimidating" because i'm direct. unfortunately for me, some men can't handle it when females are direct. but at least i know where i stand with them
The good thing is, you don't need men who can't handle you, so the selection is easy ! :-)
Load More Replies...one of the best things that comes from being gay? guys don't do that (usually) they tend to be really direct.
Lucky you, EmoExtreemo! Can you please teach the straight guys to be more direct? Lol.
Load More Replies...Well this is what happens when you (and I'm not saying you're wrong in doing this) go viral social about being scared when men talk to women. Then the nice guys don't want to scare you or be "that guy" so they don't take any chances because the risk of getting called a creeper or jerk or douche for reading kindness the wrong way. Because every woman is different. Now if women want to start something with a dude, they should just say so, the ball is pretty much in their court. And ditto for men. And if you get rejected, move on. Nobody is a lesbian or a jerk for not wanting to be with you.
It's a huge shame that "I fancy you" only works if you have a British accent.
With my first b/f it was the other way around. He was trying to drop hints and I was oblivious, partly because a friend of mine in the class was into him so I thought he hung around because of her! Apparently he was throwing stools around the classroom in frustration, I heard later :)
This is why the "her friend tells your friend" thing came about, and is still one of the best ways of knowing.
It's not only men who can't read signals, I never notice if someone's interested if they don't tell me. I'm an engineer, I've been working with men my whole life and I don't see my colleagues as potential partners and obliviously my filter works 24/7. My previous partners and the men who are interested now have to be very outspoken or else I won't notice them.
Question: do women drop smaller hints if they are not as interested ? the "signal" one girl gave me as telling me First, that her BF dumped her, did she expect me to be happy and ask her out ? cuz i did like her, but my response was feeling sorry for her so i didn't catch on, anyway 2 months later she asks another guy out (directly, no signals) and a year later they got married. Did she actually like me ? did she think i didn't like her because i didn't jump in her BF's seat before it got cold ? i still think about it, even though it's been like 10 years now. On the flip side, even though i liked her (not too much though) the only signals i gave was not ignoring her and being nervous around her and i guess she noticed me checking out her a*s once.
With all due respect, you're making it way more complicated than it needs to be. If a guy likes a girl he should ask her out on a date- to dinner, preferably. He shouldn't ask her if she wants to "hang out," if she's not busy, or "grab a bite to eat." He needs to actually say the words, "would you like to go out with me this weekend.?".. If she's not interested, she will tell you. There's nothing to misread, no drama, geez
So glad i'm married, done with all this a long time ago.
there is no real answer or explanation. if i imagined, being a woman, i would not be 100% sure, if i am interested in someone, in the early stage, so my bodylanguage is subtle and could change. its a soft game, until the moment, it would hurt anotherones feelings, so, me or the other person could do a first move? apart from that, nothing will happen and you would miss the lost opportunity. sometimes, being courageous counts. no matter if you are a girl or boy, its not a genderthing anymore, for gods sake... good luck from germany!
I cant catch any signals. I have, social anxiety, regular anxiety, depression, and bipolar2 plus others non diagnosed. I dont think many signals can crack that many layers of self doubt. I know I have missed signals my friends needed to point out them to me. I feel like the signal i need is more of a brick to the face type than subtle.
When I was young, I'd punch the guy in the arm, outrun them in a race, spit further or arm wrestle them (and win). It was all about doing things together basically.
Exactly, everyone is different. Although sometimes a woman can tell if another woman is cracking on to their partners. My hubby’s mate had a sister and I could tell she wanted my partner. I told him that and he said “I have known her since she was little and is like a sister. She is probably just treating me like a brother”. Well months later she admitted to him that she was in love with him.
“...if they are up around her ears, there’s a good chance she likes you” made me LOSE IT
Here is a hint for you guys: if you ask her if she would like to go out with you and she say: Yes - that is as sign she is interested in you.
It's not guys "getting no signals" that are the problem. The problem are 1) guys (and females) who misinterpret your being polite as a "signal"; and 2) girls/women sending "signals" and expecting to be understood. I mean, I know we can be too shy to tell our crushes directly what we feel (trust me, I KNOW), but "sending signals"? That's not the smartest move, unless you plan to move on to the next step and be direct.
Gave you an upvote for reasonable advice, though I DID only send signals to my current boyfriend. Which worked... likely because, originally, I wasn't into him - meaning I CHANGED my behavior. Started off with my usual friendly but standoffish and nearly zero physical contact, changed to walking close to him while letting my hand brush his and just generally being much more open towards him. He got the message. My general advice to people LOOKING for signals is: Does the person treat you DIFFERENTLY than others of the same sex? In a way that suggests interest, or at least shyness? But if you have no idea how they are normally around people, any "signal" except for them TELLING you is just reading tealeaves.
Load More Replies...From past experience, if you can't be direct, you're not ready for a relationship - no matter your gender or sexual preference.
Have to agree. If you can't even be direct about wanting a relationship/sex I can only imagine the amount of problems that lack of communication will lead to later. If you want to be understood, be clear.
Load More Replies...The problem with "Signals" is not that we can't receive them, it's that we don't necessarily know what modulation and carrier frequency that signal is on. Sure we can tune our receivers to sweep the whole band all the time, but that probably causes more stress and problems than it would be worth. Do you ever notice how gay guys don't have this problem?
My first girlfriend (before she was it) was sending me for weeks signals that I was totally oblivious. So she took the direct way , jump from her desk and french kiss me. Still, I didn't knew what was happening
I wish I ran into guys who we shy or oblivious to signals. The guys I meet are like... Me: Hi. Him: Sending D**k pic!
I grew up with 7 sisters and a gaggle of other women (aunts, female cousins, friends) constantly around. Literally a sea of estrogen, reading between lines, and being very quiet/gentle/accommodating in the morning. I have seen stuff men have no business seeing. As a male, I'm pretty darn good at understanding women's subtleties which for a man is about 13 percent. Asking a fella, "How can you tell if a boy is into you ?" is garbage. In these 10 examples alone, we have one girl asking a guy after coffee and looking back he THINKS it may have actually been about him, and another girl that asked and it definitely wasn't about him.
While growing up I rarely understood signals from girls and required a bit more clarity than other boys. Meanwhile I'm better at understanding signals but I refuse to understand them. If I'm not worth a clear answer than it's better to stay away.
Honestly, I consider the problem of (mainly) guys not understanding what a "no" means much bigger problem compared to the issue of the guys not getting the right "yes" signals.
Even if it's not statistically more common (haven't looked it up to confirm), that's DEFINITELY a bigger problem to have to deal with.
Load More Replies...I think it's all part of the process of trying to find that person who is right for you. When you both understand things in the same way the bond will be even better. Fortunately for me, my husband understand and reacted well to my signals. I wish all those signals good luck in finding their person who gets their signals!
If only it was as simple as nature. I bring a cool rock or colorful pile of trash all displaying my robust feathers
I've been telling guys this for years. Not just every woman, but every person is an individual. You have to get to know the individual.
I have always believed in "say what you mean, mean what you say" - even as far back as junior high...i'm "intimidating" because i'm direct. unfortunately for me, some men can't handle it when females are direct. but at least i know where i stand with them
The good thing is, you don't need men who can't handle you, so the selection is easy ! :-)
Load More Replies...one of the best things that comes from being gay? guys don't do that (usually) they tend to be really direct.
Lucky you, EmoExtreemo! Can you please teach the straight guys to be more direct? Lol.
Load More Replies...Well this is what happens when you (and I'm not saying you're wrong in doing this) go viral social about being scared when men talk to women. Then the nice guys don't want to scare you or be "that guy" so they don't take any chances because the risk of getting called a creeper or jerk or douche for reading kindness the wrong way. Because every woman is different. Now if women want to start something with a dude, they should just say so, the ball is pretty much in their court. And ditto for men. And if you get rejected, move on. Nobody is a lesbian or a jerk for not wanting to be with you.
It's a huge shame that "I fancy you" only works if you have a British accent.
With my first b/f it was the other way around. He was trying to drop hints and I was oblivious, partly because a friend of mine in the class was into him so I thought he hung around because of her! Apparently he was throwing stools around the classroom in frustration, I heard later :)
This is why the "her friend tells your friend" thing came about, and is still one of the best ways of knowing.
It's not only men who can't read signals, I never notice if someone's interested if they don't tell me. I'm an engineer, I've been working with men my whole life and I don't see my colleagues as potential partners and obliviously my filter works 24/7. My previous partners and the men who are interested now have to be very outspoken or else I won't notice them.
Question: do women drop smaller hints if they are not as interested ? the "signal" one girl gave me as telling me First, that her BF dumped her, did she expect me to be happy and ask her out ? cuz i did like her, but my response was feeling sorry for her so i didn't catch on, anyway 2 months later she asks another guy out (directly, no signals) and a year later they got married. Did she actually like me ? did she think i didn't like her because i didn't jump in her BF's seat before it got cold ? i still think about it, even though it's been like 10 years now. On the flip side, even though i liked her (not too much though) the only signals i gave was not ignoring her and being nervous around her and i guess she noticed me checking out her a*s once.
With all due respect, you're making it way more complicated than it needs to be. If a guy likes a girl he should ask her out on a date- to dinner, preferably. He shouldn't ask her if she wants to "hang out," if she's not busy, or "grab a bite to eat." He needs to actually say the words, "would you like to go out with me this weekend.?".. If she's not interested, she will tell you. There's nothing to misread, no drama, geez
So glad i'm married, done with all this a long time ago.
there is no real answer or explanation. if i imagined, being a woman, i would not be 100% sure, if i am interested in someone, in the early stage, so my bodylanguage is subtle and could change. its a soft game, until the moment, it would hurt anotherones feelings, so, me or the other person could do a first move? apart from that, nothing will happen and you would miss the lost opportunity. sometimes, being courageous counts. no matter if you are a girl or boy, its not a genderthing anymore, for gods sake... good luck from germany!
I cant catch any signals. I have, social anxiety, regular anxiety, depression, and bipolar2 plus others non diagnosed. I dont think many signals can crack that many layers of self doubt. I know I have missed signals my friends needed to point out them to me. I feel like the signal i need is more of a brick to the face type than subtle.
When I was young, I'd punch the guy in the arm, outrun them in a race, spit further or arm wrestle them (and win). It was all about doing things together basically.
Exactly, everyone is different. Although sometimes a woman can tell if another woman is cracking on to their partners. My hubby’s mate had a sister and I could tell she wanted my partner. I told him that and he said “I have known her since she was little and is like a sister. She is probably just treating me like a brother”. Well months later she admitted to him that she was in love with him.
“...if they are up around her ears, there’s a good chance she likes you” made me LOSE IT
Here is a hint for you guys: if you ask her if she would like to go out with you and she say: Yes - that is as sign she is interested in you.
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