Mom Exemplifies How Her “Gentle Parented” Kid Dealt With Teacher Yelling At Her, Goes Viral With 460K Likes
Interview
Parenting is not an easy feat to pull off, but there are several ways to go about it, so that might help you if you end up being a mom or a dad. Or not. It depends.
But one thing is certain: being a gentle parent does not mean that you’re not preparing your kid for a “tough” world. In fact, that is exactly what you as a parent ought to do to prep them for things to come.
And one mother has come out with a story exemplifying just that.
More Info: TikTok
Meet N’tima Preusser, a wellness coach and mother who who uses her TikTok channel to educate folks on all things health, adulting and parenting
Image credits: ntimapreusser
Meet N’tima Preusser, a holistic wellness coach, personal trainer, mindset specialist, and mother who uses her TikTok channel to educate folks on all things health, adulting and parenting.
In one of her more recent videos, she tackled the topic of gentle parenting, and what it actually means in the “tough world”. Specifically, she shared a story of how a teacher yelled at her daughter and how the daughter handled it, having never experienced aggressive rhetoric at home.
In one of her videos, she tackled the topic of how “gently parented” kids could ever manage to survive in a “tough world”
Image credits: ntimapreusser
To explain it, she used a story of how her daughter got yelled at by a teacher who was in a foul mood
Image credits: ntimapreusser
The story goes that N’tima noticed a picture her daughter drew—it was of her crying. When asked about it, the daughter explained how one of the teachers at school started yelling at her during recess. She suspected that the teacher was having a rough day and simply took it out on her.
This in turn made the daughter angry. And she felt that way until quiet time came along and she drew the picture, this way channeling the anger and calming down.
What happened right here is the kid, having been raised “gently”, tackled a “tough world” problem, and did it like a champ. “My child did not crumble when she was faced with disrespect. Instead, she was able to recognize this isn’t what I deserve. And this doesn’t have much to do with me,” elaborated N’tima.
Image credits: ntimapreusser
In other words, she identified the situation and her feelings, and managed to process them in a healthy way, thus calming down.
“Not only are they going to survive the big tough world, they’re going to thrive because they’re not going to have to spend the majority of their adulthood healing from their childhood,” concluded N’tima.
N’tima told Bored Panda in an interview that the teacher who yelled at her daughter eventually apologized—while she did not speak to the teacher directly, her daughter’s homeroom teacher did, and passed on the apologies on her behalf.
In contrast, the “tough world” approach would have ended up forcing the kid to hide her anger, as it’s an emotion that’s traditionally considered socially harmful and hence should be avoided at all costs by bottling it up.
After being yelled at, N’tima’s kid identified the emotions and channeled them into a drawing, thus dealing with it in a healthy way
“Not only are they going to survive the big tough world, they’re going to thrive because they’re not going to have to spend the majority of their adulthood healing from their childhood”
Image credits: ntimapreusser
“Gentle Parenting falls under the umbrella of Authoritative Parenting. It’s called many things; gentle, respectful, conscious, holistic, etc.,” elaborated N’tima. “This style of parenting values High Accountability, with High Acceptance. It focuses on discipline (to guide and to teach through logical or related consequences) instead of punishment (making a child pay for undesirable behavior), with the end goal of giving a child tools to emotional regulate, deescalate and be given alternative and appropriate behaviors to replace the undesirable behaviors with.”
“This parenting style has high acceptance for all emotions while having an understanding of age appropriate behaviors—while also having high accountability for children’s choices. The end goal, ultimately, is to prioritize the child-parent relationship. Remove the power struggles. Model emotional intelligence. And raise kids who don’t have to heal from their childhood in adulthood.”
The video managed to get over 2.1M views on TikTok
@ntimapreusser #respectfulparenting #gentleparenting #LinkBudsNeverOff #OREOBdayStack ♬ You – Petit Biscuit
N’tima also explained that another teacher talked to the teacher who yelled at her daughter about the issue
Besides, the tough world demands that you be aggressive and stand your ground, and that being gentle is not the way too go, too “weak”. But is that the proper way? N’tima’s story begs to differ.
And people couldn’t agree more. The video went viral soon after its posting, garnering over 2.1 million views with nearly 460,000 likes and thousands of comments and shares.
In the comments, folks pointed out just how mature and equipped N’tima’s daughter really is, despite being much younger, to deal with “real world” struggles and challenges. Many expressed how much they would have benefited from being taught to manage emotions and identify when someone else is having a bad day.
Many agreed that the kid is extremely smart on an emotional level—actually more than most adults
We asked N’tima where did this “tough world” concept come from in the first place, and she explained it as a product of prior generations: “[They] believed the only way to create tough children was to make life tough. There is this misconception that tough means rigid, hard, and shatters when it hits the floor. But real ‘toughness’ is malleable, soft, adaptive, and resilient.”
She continued: “Gentle Parenting is not about allowing kids to walk all over you and having no rules. (This is actually called Permissive Parenting, that falls under the Neglectful umbrella.)”
“Its about teaching intrinsic motivation (instead of fear based motivation) to be respectful, generous, kind adult humans who know how to emotionally regulate and set boundaries. Gentle Parenting gives them a safe space to be authentically themselves. These skills are taught consistently, so they can handle all that life hands to them instead of being chronically reactive and harmful and having a nervous system that needs healing.”
According to the National Association for the Education of Young Children, kids with higher emotional intelligence are better at paying attention and being more engaged in a school setting, tend to have more positive relationships, and can, needless to say, empathize on a higher level. So, a win all around.
And a lack of skill in managing emotion might lead the kid to be more prone to anger and pessimism, have trouble accepting criticism, expressing themselves and be oblivious to emotional cues in others.
Now, gentle parenting has its challenges. N’tima highlighted that putting down one’s ego and the need to be “right” all the time, prioritizing the relationship that the parent has with the kids, and healing from one’s own childhoods in the midst of it all are tough. But no impossible. And there is a tangible result to be taken from this, one that benefits more than just your kid or your family in general.
Be sure to check out N’tima’s video and TikTok channel to learn more, but before you go, tell us what you think about this in the comment section below!
The "cause your kids as much pain as possible to prepare them for the real world" style of parenting results in kids who are depressed and feel helpless because they've been taught that no matter what they do, the real world has nothing to offer except pain.
Pain and judgment. Or is that just my upbringing talking. :(
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So they they dont spend the majority of their adulthood healing from their childhood. 😭😭 a plethora of mental illnesses later.....
I felt that same sentence on so many levels. I'm still healing from mine and I've been in therapy for 15-20 years on and off. Solidarity, friend.
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I was proud of my daughter, age 7, one day when a teacher known for her bad temper threatened to call to complain to her mother (me) about a minor infraction. She replied calmly, " My mom thinks I am wonderful". The teacher did not call. Actually I would have listened respectfully and with an open mind to whatever the teacher told me. However, I was proud and happy that my daughter was not intimidated, but remained confident in my love and support.
if you're the type of person who takes their stress or "bad day" out on a child you have no business being a damn teacher or anywhere near kids
My wife’s classroom had something called a “mood meter”. When the kids came in every day they would put a label next to how they felt that day. It had many options like anxious, lonely, sad, happy, upset etc. The young children would actually help each other throughout the day. For instance she would see another student go and sit with the child that said she was lonely and that child would then and go change her mood word to happy. It helped the teacher identify children that might need extra attention that day. I’m proud to say my wife was eventually being named Teacher of the Year before becoming Principal and she was able to put mood meters in every classroom. She went on to teach Emotional Intelligence in children at a educators conference at Yale.
She lost me when she said the child is not allowed to express feelings of anger at home.
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Diamonds are the hardest material in the world, but they are not tough. They shatter incredibly easily, not only from having a high amount of directions they are prone to fracture, but also from being extremely brittle. So put them into a slightly high tension setting, or clean them improperly and they will be broken, worthless, never to be repaired. Jewelers use a tool called a conoscope to be able to see the strain that such gems are under, but there is no such tool for the hearts of children.
Filter. I think it enhanced her eyes, too. Not sure why she felt she needed to add one.
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I was parented in the old fashioned way. I can still remember going to school bawling and having to use half of first period to get my breathing back together, etc. I remember leaving one time and mom calling me back and I thought she was going to say, try to have a good day, she banged on the window to get my attention so she could tell me she hated me. I started failing out of school that year. I have a better relationship with my mom now. But if I'm visiting her home and something goes wrong (even if it's not me) I PANIC. I immediately start to hyperventilate, look for a place hide, or quickly throwing my stuff in my car and driving the few hours back home. She has no idea why I don't want to come home more. The other day a frustrated friend raised his voice at me (he had an unusually tough week and didn't know my aversion to yelling). I immediately was back home, hiding under my bed hoping my mom wouldn't find me. It took me a long time to become even a half-functioning adult.
When her teacher punished the whole class for some acting out my gently parented daughter said 'I don't know why she did it, I am not her!'. However, when shouting and punishing became common occurrence we as parents had to request the teacher to be suspended. Nobody benefits from abuse and it should not be the norm to learn to deal with it.
I just don't agree with this style of parenting. I think moderation and balance is key. If you shield and protect them too much from aggressive people and situations they do not build effective coping mechanisms from an early age and will have problems later. And obviously, an aggressive and strict style of parenting does not work. Why can't there just be balance? If you want to be a 'gentle parent' fine, that's your character but making sure your child shows no overt emotion or isn't allowed to get angry is just suppressing their normal development and control of human emotion.
It came across as like that. In the smaller fonts it's mentioned more clearly that if she were raised in the tough love, traditional style, her daughter wouldn't be allowed to feel anger and bottle it up inside. So, her daughter is allowed to feel emotions, reflect on her feelings and express them in a healthy manner that's not destructive and disrupts others. I wasn't allowed to feel angry at home but my folks loved to project their angry towards me. If I were upset about anything it was fluffed off as not important to take seriously. I was raised to put everyone else before me, not embarrass my mom (she never thought of it as embarrassing myself just her.), and think like she would. In other words, be her mini me puppet. This mom is right. It does cause emotional strain, hesitance in making life decisions, and buckling under pressure and hostile situations. Plus, I go through life thinking wtf did I do to deserve to be constantly treated like c**p. I must be cursed or born a mistake
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Wait ... She was yelled at for taking off her coat. On a warm day. I... Don't know what to say.
It has taken me years of therapy to recognize that another person's behavior is not about me. That it isn't my fault and I don't deserve to be treated that way. This child is emotionally healthy. Good for her. And her parent.
My daughter had a teacher who got in her face, my daughter very calmly looked the teacher in the eye and asked, " Do you really think this is appropriate behavior from a person who has a master's degree when dealing with a ten year old?" The teacher sent her to the principal's office and the principal called me called me and told me what happened and said he was still trying to figure out why my daughter got sent to his office. He was really trying not to laugh too. I could tell that he thought it was hilarious because my daughter could not have slapped that teacher and shocked her anymore than she did with this reply. **Edited to add ** This very same daughter graduated in December with a bachelor of science degree in psychology. She's always been able to get into other people's heads.
...I'm mainly thinking that the kid completely externalized and was able to rationalize away the reason she was yelled at. There is zero "I did something wrong, which lead to the yelling." There is only "Teacher has something wrong with her, which is why she acted this way." It's also telling (and very weird) that the mom never asked for a reason behind the yelling. Did the kid break a rule? Was she acting up? Did she do something dangerous? Zero curiosity or discussion. There is only the path to getting the kid back to happiness again. Mainly achieved by dismissing the teacher's reaction and ignoring the kid's hand in it.
my parents were the opposite of this. they just brushed of our feelings like they were unimportent. and now i'm just a wimp as an adult, i would actually cry over a JOKE if it involved me. it sucks. but i am more then happy to see that this kid has more control then me at least! :)
Better than permissive parenting... I've watched 3 and one can't communicate the other I had to potty train 3 times and force medicine to clear up infections the last(nephew) threatened to cut a girl in kindergarten after I stopped taking care of him. Both 4-6 years old. Potty training from 5-6, while in daycare and kindergarten
Ares was just a God as was Aphrodite. Together they had a child named Harmony. I believe that only gentle or only tough parenting might cause a bit of unbalance. Life is diverse. Good things as well as bad things happen. We must not live in a "Happiness high", or it will, sooner or later, bring us down.
I think this little girls mom has been teaching her the right way. She was able to resolve her feelings on her own and then talk about them in a mature way. Mom is doing a great job. The teacher who yelled at her not so much and shouldn't be yelling at children because she's having a bad day. If the child lashed out like that they would be sent to the principal's office and likely got a couple of days of vacation. If a child can't talk to a teacher in this way the teacher can't tell at a student that way just for taking her coat off.
There's a man whose thoughts on parenting are as misguided as can be, as he commented "if I knew I would be parenting a kid like this I might want to have one". I even lack the proper adjective. This "adult" doesn't realize parenting is about how YOU *lead* your child, especially by example, not how your child "comes from factory." I wouldn't be surprised if this person thought children come with user's manual. Out-of-reality clueless. My generation, everyone.
If it's the comment within the article he's trying to say he wants to parent like how she does but doesn't know how; if he could parent like the mom does her daughter he would become a parent. He's not commenting on the child herself.
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The "cause your kids as much pain as possible to prepare them for the real world" style of parenting results in kids who are depressed and feel helpless because they've been taught that no matter what they do, the real world has nothing to offer except pain.
Pain and judgment. Or is that just my upbringing talking. :(
Load More Replies... So they they dont spend the majority of their adulthood healing from their childhood. 😭😭 a plethora of mental illnesses later.....
I felt that same sentence on so many levels. I'm still healing from mine and I've been in therapy for 15-20 years on and off. Solidarity, friend.
Load More Replies... I was proud of my daughter, age 7, one day when a teacher known for her bad temper threatened to call to complain to her mother (me) about a minor infraction. She replied calmly, " My mom thinks I am wonderful". The teacher did not call. Actually I would have listened respectfully and with an open mind to whatever the teacher told me. However, I was proud and happy that my daughter was not intimidated, but remained confident in my love and support.
if you're the type of person who takes their stress or "bad day" out on a child you have no business being a damn teacher or anywhere near kids
My wife’s classroom had something called a “mood meter”. When the kids came in every day they would put a label next to how they felt that day. It had many options like anxious, lonely, sad, happy, upset etc. The young children would actually help each other throughout the day. For instance she would see another student go and sit with the child that said she was lonely and that child would then and go change her mood word to happy. It helped the teacher identify children that might need extra attention that day. I’m proud to say my wife was eventually being named Teacher of the Year before becoming Principal and she was able to put mood meters in every classroom. She went on to teach Emotional Intelligence in children at a educators conference at Yale.
She lost me when she said the child is not allowed to express feelings of anger at home.
Load More Replies... Diamonds are the hardest material in the world, but they are not tough. They shatter incredibly easily, not only from having a high amount of directions they are prone to fracture, but also from being extremely brittle. So put them into a slightly high tension setting, or clean them improperly and they will be broken, worthless, never to be repaired. Jewelers use a tool called a conoscope to be able to see the strain that such gems are under, but there is no such tool for the hearts of children.
Filter. I think it enhanced her eyes, too. Not sure why she felt she needed to add one.
Load More Replies... I was parented in the old fashioned way. I can still remember going to school bawling and having to use half of first period to get my breathing back together, etc. I remember leaving one time and mom calling me back and I thought she was going to say, try to have a good day, she banged on the window to get my attention so she could tell me she hated me. I started failing out of school that year. I have a better relationship with my mom now. But if I'm visiting her home and something goes wrong (even if it's not me) I PANIC. I immediately start to hyperventilate, look for a place hide, or quickly throwing my stuff in my car and driving the few hours back home. She has no idea why I don't want to come home more. The other day a frustrated friend raised his voice at me (he had an unusually tough week and didn't know my aversion to yelling). I immediately was back home, hiding under my bed hoping my mom wouldn't find me. It took me a long time to become even a half-functioning adult.
When her teacher punished the whole class for some acting out my gently parented daughter said 'I don't know why she did it, I am not her!'. However, when shouting and punishing became common occurrence we as parents had to request the teacher to be suspended. Nobody benefits from abuse and it should not be the norm to learn to deal with it.
I just don't agree with this style of parenting. I think moderation and balance is key. If you shield and protect them too much from aggressive people and situations they do not build effective coping mechanisms from an early age and will have problems later. And obviously, an aggressive and strict style of parenting does not work. Why can't there just be balance? If you want to be a 'gentle parent' fine, that's your character but making sure your child shows no overt emotion or isn't allowed to get angry is just suppressing their normal development and control of human emotion.
It came across as like that. In the smaller fonts it's mentioned more clearly that if she were raised in the tough love, traditional style, her daughter wouldn't be allowed to feel anger and bottle it up inside. So, her daughter is allowed to feel emotions, reflect on her feelings and express them in a healthy manner that's not destructive and disrupts others. I wasn't allowed to feel angry at home but my folks loved to project their angry towards me. If I were upset about anything it was fluffed off as not important to take seriously. I was raised to put everyone else before me, not embarrass my mom (she never thought of it as embarrassing myself just her.), and think like she would. In other words, be her mini me puppet. This mom is right. It does cause emotional strain, hesitance in making life decisions, and buckling under pressure and hostile situations. Plus, I go through life thinking wtf did I do to deserve to be constantly treated like c**p. I must be cursed or born a mistake
Load More Replies... Wait ... She was yelled at for taking off her coat. On a warm day. I... Don't know what to say.
It has taken me years of therapy to recognize that another person's behavior is not about me. That it isn't my fault and I don't deserve to be treated that way. This child is emotionally healthy. Good for her. And her parent.
My daughter had a teacher who got in her face, my daughter very calmly looked the teacher in the eye and asked, " Do you really think this is appropriate behavior from a person who has a master's degree when dealing with a ten year old?" The teacher sent her to the principal's office and the principal called me called me and told me what happened and said he was still trying to figure out why my daughter got sent to his office. He was really trying not to laugh too. I could tell that he thought it was hilarious because my daughter could not have slapped that teacher and shocked her anymore than she did with this reply. **Edited to add ** This very same daughter graduated in December with a bachelor of science degree in psychology. She's always been able to get into other people's heads.
...I'm mainly thinking that the kid completely externalized and was able to rationalize away the reason she was yelled at. There is zero "I did something wrong, which lead to the yelling." There is only "Teacher has something wrong with her, which is why she acted this way." It's also telling (and very weird) that the mom never asked for a reason behind the yelling. Did the kid break a rule? Was she acting up? Did she do something dangerous? Zero curiosity or discussion. There is only the path to getting the kid back to happiness again. Mainly achieved by dismissing the teacher's reaction and ignoring the kid's hand in it.
my parents were the opposite of this. they just brushed of our feelings like they were unimportent. and now i'm just a wimp as an adult, i would actually cry over a JOKE if it involved me. it sucks. but i am more then happy to see that this kid has more control then me at least! :)
Better than permissive parenting... I've watched 3 and one can't communicate the other I had to potty train 3 times and force medicine to clear up infections the last(nephew) threatened to cut a girl in kindergarten after I stopped taking care of him. Both 4-6 years old. Potty training from 5-6, while in daycare and kindergarten
Ares was just a God as was Aphrodite. Together they had a child named Harmony. I believe that only gentle or only tough parenting might cause a bit of unbalance. Life is diverse. Good things as well as bad things happen. We must not live in a "Happiness high", or it will, sooner or later, bring us down.
I think this little girls mom has been teaching her the right way. She was able to resolve her feelings on her own and then talk about them in a mature way. Mom is doing a great job. The teacher who yelled at her not so much and shouldn't be yelling at children because she's having a bad day. If the child lashed out like that they would be sent to the principal's office and likely got a couple of days of vacation. If a child can't talk to a teacher in this way the teacher can't tell at a student that way just for taking her coat off.
There's a man whose thoughts on parenting are as misguided as can be, as he commented "if I knew I would be parenting a kid like this I might want to have one". I even lack the proper adjective. This "adult" doesn't realize parenting is about how YOU *lead* your child, especially by example, not how your child "comes from factory." I wouldn't be surprised if this person thought children come with user's manual. Out-of-reality clueless. My generation, everyone.
If it's the comment within the article he's trying to say he wants to parent like how she does but doesn't know how; if he could parent like the mom does her daughter he would become a parent. He's not commenting on the child herself.
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