Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post Search
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

“Am I wrong for asking my brother not to bring his boyfriend to my wedding?”
8.8K

“Am I wrong for asking my brother not to bring his boyfriend to my wedding?”

ADVERTISEMENT

The subreddit ‘Am I The A**hole‘ describes itself as a “catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you.” With 1.2 million followers it has become an active and fascinating place for discussing ethical dilemmas of all kinds, as we continue the ancient human tradition of trying to figure out the morality of wrong and right.

This particular scenario is a difficult one. It forces a well-meaning guy to choose between hurting his beloved brother’s feelings, or potentially ruining his own wedding day – something that means the world to his fiancee.

Image credits: DragonImages (not the actual photo)

The OP seems to want only the best for all concerned and is trying to avoid hurting anybody. In the end, he made his moral choice based on what would cause the least damage – but he’s still unsure if he did the right thing. In an attempt to assuage his guilt, he asked the moral arbiters of the community what they thought:

“Am I the a**hole here?”

ADVERTISEMENT

A tough one indeed! However, it appears that there is a strong consensus that the OP did the right thing here, and there are definitely more appropriate times for brother to make his coming out of the closet announcement.

What do you think? Did OP do the right thing here? Scroll down to read the discussion below and let us know your thoughts in the comments!

Here’s how people reacted to the dilemma

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Share on Facebook
You May Like
Popular on Bored Panda
Start the discussion
Add photo comments
POST
alessioangiolillo avatar
Ale_Vidal23
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in my opinion the groom is in full right. it's not the right moment to come out with that kind of an info. his gay brother should accept that, if not he is acting very selfish and just loves to stand in the spotlight. so the groom doesn't have to feel bad for deciding in favor of HIS most important day

pascal-dombrowicz avatar
Antihero
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

"That kind of an info" Why he needs to explain anything at all? There is no need before the wedding, not at the wedding or afterwards. Let him and his boyfriend have an amazing day and celebrate together. I don't get why he didn't invite the boyfriend from the beginning and asked his brother if he wants to bring his boyfriend.

Load More Replies...
mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This site should be called Best of Reddit. Not much need for comments here because comments we all agree with are posted within the article.

billystorm avatar
Billy Storm
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

do you mean - only 'good' or "upvoted" comments are posted within the article? if so, that's not the least bit fair.

Load More Replies...
macguffin39 avatar
Mikey
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a gay man that has been in a somewhat similar situation, if my sister had asked me NOT to bring my boyfriend to her wedding for fear of the ensuing drama I'd respect that. It's not my day, it's hers. I can be a queen any ol' day.

haoyun2001 avatar
max_lombardi_mi avatar
gerry1of1 avatar
Gerry Higgins
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your wedding is YOUR wedding and not the place for other people to make statements about their life. The brother can plan his own "Coming Out Party", not at your wedding.

patriciaross avatar
tuzdayschild
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With all due respect, if they know the family is going to get upset and overreact, then the wedding was really not the time to come out to the family. He couldn't really want to ruin the brother's day like that.

maoamdose avatar
Pumbaa
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What does NAH and NTA mean? Reading these abbreviations a lot but don't have a clue.

billystorm avatar
Billy Storm
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i just thought it's because i'm old that i didn't know, and i wasn't gonna ask, but THANKS for doing that. there's SO much new 'slang' all over the place - i can't keep up with that s**t. LOL

Load More Replies...
sassybooie avatar
billystorm avatar
Billy Storm
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yeah, that's what i was seeing. maybe not in the same was as what you were seeing - but still way too much "judgement" here.

Load More Replies...
shaylynnegosnell avatar
Shaylynne Gosnell
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it should be the brothers choice if he wants to come out there or not its his life :/ its better to do it where all of the family is there and they are all in a good mood but im 15 with an amazing gay uncle so what do i know

rungunn avatar
Run Gunn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The groom should do whatever is necessary to keep negative drama away from his wedding day.

lesburleson avatar
Leslie Burleson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm super pro gay , but I think that a brother's wedding isn't the time to start a family battle regardless of who is right or wrong. It sucks that there are still people in this world with hate in their hearts for anyone let alone a family member . It's his brother's choice to come out to his family , and it shouldn't happen at the expense of his brother and brother's wife .

anandapaulus avatar
AP
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In all honesty, I feel that doing anything that draws attention from the marrying couple at a wedding is wrong. Getting into a fight with your plus-one, announcing your pregnancy, upstaging the bridge/groom with your attire, proposing to your significant other, etc. It's just wrong. It's not about you. It's about the happy couple getting ready to go into the next phase of life together. Taking away from that is just wrong. It's selfish. Love is being selfless.

mr_millenium2001 avatar
Bruce Jackson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After the headline I was yes you are wrong but as he is using your wedding to come out I agree with your stance. good luck with the marriage.

genevacheryl avatar
Cheryl Fontaine
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why doesn't he just "come out" NOW, and then in a week no problem at the wedding. If your bigoted family can't handle it, let THEM stay home. Personally, I prefer gays any day to bigots....

3loretta979 avatar
Loretta
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The caption was a bit misleading as I thought we are dealing with a low-key homophobe here, but I'm really glad I read it, it's really a tough emotional dilemma.

cruzarts avatar
Steve Cruz
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand both sides. That said, I was just at a wedding and the youngest brother of the bride (six siblings) brought his girlfriend. She's beautiful, smart, world-traveled, humorous, charming, and loves him a lot. His family is Scandinavian (fair skin, white-blonde hair, gray eyes, rail thin) and she is East Indian (Black hair, black eyes, brown skin, curvy as a racetrack). There were whispers and looks, and they were ignored. Groom is NOT an AH, but it's a shame he didn't stand by his brother and boyfriend.

manic_sania_pro avatar
Помаже Бог
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So what did he do in the end? The advice of letting the bf come but aftee having come out to the fam, some weeks before/earlier, was very good, imo.

flutterbystars avatar
Amanda Reicha
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think the brother was planning to come out; just wanted to bring his boyfriend as a guest. From what I read, the possibility of other people making comments about his brother and his brothers' guest would be the issue. It's those few family members that are the problem, not the brother. I do agree with inviting him to other events before or after, when A-hole family members who can't keep their mouth shut either won't be there or could be told to leave without creating problems for his wedding.

wil_vanderheijden avatar
Wil Vanderheijden
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plain and simple: Weddings are not the occasion where people should suddenly propose, announce their engagement, make it known that they are expecting a child or show up in full military dress as a surprise to the bride and groom or for coming out of the closet. You are just ruining the day for the people who put a lot of effort and money into something that should be THEIR unforgetable day. And not because some entitled fvckheads did all they could to become the center of attention.

terezacervenakova avatar
Tereza Cervenakova
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the gay brother counts on the fact that causing fight on a wedding is a huge faux pas, so his homophobic relatives will control themselfes better. But i would definitely ruin the wedding....

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. You should have allowed your brother to bring his bf. And appreciate the fact that he felt comfortable enough around you to come out at your wedding. And you should have appointed groomsmen to be bouncers for any AH who created drama over it to escort their bigoted behinds out the front door.

charliehyduk avatar
Charlie Hyduk
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would definitely say for him to either come alone (talk to your brother and work things out), or talk to your fiancee and see if he can just pretend that they are friends. Now, I have never been to a wedding or been married (im a teenager i feel like that's obvious. Sorry I don't want to share my age on the net) but this is what I'd do.

olgaantonova avatar
Olga Antonova
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actions speak louder than words. You may say a lot about being supportive, but in reality you chose your bigoted family members over your brother.

soruco_jessica avatar
Jessica Sánchez
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do people from the USA put SO MUCH importance on a "wedding". Better spend the money traveling.... everything has to be a spectacle smh

athenaash avatar
Athena Ash
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should accept that your brother is gay and support him. He's your brother and I'm sure many people don't except him for who he is so at least you need to.

rich_mccormick avatar
Rich McCormick
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OK tried to Google NTA... notice to appear doesn't fit with allot of the posts above so what does NTA in this instance mean? As an openly gay man I would NEVER expect to bring a boyfriend to a wedding, funeral or anything that involves full family, esp if I'm still closeted to many of them. That's just insane. I'm glad both brothers are super close and it's not going to put a rift between them but yea, kinda lame on the gay bro's part to ask such a question on such an important day... another time and another way to come out to the family. I have hard core Republicans throughout my family, allot of them support the idiot in the WH and even with all the negativity coming from the WH lately towards the LGBTQ community my family still accepts me for who I am. Of course being a strong Capricorn, if they didn't accept me I'd move on and forget about them. Sad but true of my nature.

robertpacl avatar
Robert Pacl
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't imagine that the brother doesn't anticipate a hostile reception from the far-right in the family. So, is he trying to spoil the day? I'd question his motives. Sounds like he's pretty well wrapped up in his own problems and mindless of everyone else's. The fact that the far-right relatives have no business inflicting their prejudices on anyone else on this occasion, is irrelevant.

robinrovegno avatar
Display Name
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As etiquette dictates, when attending a wedding, one is not to do anything that would take the focus off the newlyweds. I would think that this would fall into that category, and the brother shouldn't have put the groom in this predicament. It's like those jerks who propose or announce a pregnancy at someone else wedding. You just don't do that.

lsellers48 avatar
Linda Sellers
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not wrong. It's her wedding and she can invite or not invite anyone she pleases. For whatever reason.

ash2lar avatar
Christine M Quigley
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Basically, don't steal anyone else's thunder...it's just not nice, or kind.

samhhaincat avatar
Samhhain Cat
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the "come out a couple weeks ahead of time" thing. Sounds best for everyone.

illuzzi avatar
Jane Illuzzi
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't his brother attend anf his bf be there at a friends table where others wouldn't mind . Announcing the relationship then is a no no.

katerinahuskova avatar
Katerina Huskova
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd love my brother to come with his BF, to celebrate the love. Just ask him not to make a coming out there. It's no one's business.

dga4806059 avatar
Donna Garcia
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The groom is right. The gay brother doesn't want to tell the family because it will cause drama yet he's willing to start drama by bringing his boyfriend to the wedding. It's as if he jealous of the attention his brother is getting at the wedding so he has to cause drama to get attention as well.

hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who has faced a similar decision I was momentarily pissed that he would even ask that question, but his brother should NOT make his wedding his coming out. That is wrong. You don't take the spot light off the bride and groom.

beab_ avatar
LilicatUK
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm angry at the extended family, they are the problem. I think it's just sad that gay people still need to "announce" it to family. They're not dating a giraffe, it's just a person that just happens to have the same kind of genitals!

katarinajankovic128 avatar
katarina
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

archery991 avatar
Devlynn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whatcif he didnt want to fome out on his brothers wedding day and just bring his bf and a friend

zamanfaiza avatar
Faiza Zaman
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i dont think you r an a......e at all. your wedding day is your and your fiancee's day, and the fact that your brother wants to make it all about himself is not at all right. u have supported him throughout and he should understand that your wedding is not the time to come out of the closet and no doubt become the centre of everyone's attention, rather than u and your fiancee.

juanarturo avatar
Juan Aguilar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The gay brother can do a coming out statement at his own party. How about at his own birthday party? He can invite all his family, gay and hetero friends and make the big announcement once everybody has had enough alcohol in their system.

serafina-mahony avatar
Elisaurous uwu
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is super tied, but i do think the groom is not an ahole for doing this. its his big day, once in a lifeytime (hopefully) and even though i know its hard its very confusing at this time...

paulo_antonio_moreira avatar
Paulo Antonio Moreira
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think your brother should ask hinself "Am I wrong for using my brother's wedding, probably the most important day of his life, to come out and call everybody's attention to me? Am I not being selfish?"

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The brother needs to apologize for trying to hijack his brother's wedding. You don't use someone else's wedding as an opportunity to ambush all your homophobic relatives at once with the news that you're gay and virtually guarantee that the wedding becomes all about this news. That's really selfish of him to try to do that to you and your wife.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am relieved that so many peeps agree that someone ELSE'S wedding is not the right place for a coming out. Create your won mega-platform, if you want that kind of dramat unfold. Really, any Thanksgiving will do just fine

dani_2525 avatar
Danielle Renee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the wedding is not the place. hope his brother sees how supportive he is and that he'll have his back ANY other day but this isn't the one.

dwntwnjeff70 avatar
Jeff heinemann
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was the right thing to do. It's like proposing to someone at someones wedding! You just shouldn't do it!

kode1303 avatar
Jesper Rasmussen
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t understand what the fuss is about. Where I live a minister, member of parliament, leader of the conservative party! can be openly gay. How the heck can bringing a bf ruin a wedding? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%C3%B8ren_Pape_Poulsen

cindyreedsnyder_1 avatar
Cindy Snow
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's nice. Unfortunately not every family/ society/ church is that open.

Load More Replies...
christopheferreira avatar
kurisutofu
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was a family fight during my aunt's wedding and that's the only thing people talk about the wedding, even after 40 years so I would say the groom is right.

euniceprobert avatar
Eunice Probert
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be honest, the wedding is about the bride and groom. It's their day and no one else should come out, propose to anyone, or announce a pregnancy. The chap could come out later, but not on his brother's big day. If he'd really desperately wanted to come out, he could have done it long before the wedding.

skwirril avatar
స్టీఫెన్ ఆండ్రూ
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sick of this whole idea of weddings being the bride's 'special day'. It's a day for both parties, not just the bride. Furthermore, the purpose of a wedding should be to celebrate with people you care about, not to make oneself the centre of attention by showing off how much money you can burn. At the end of the day though, the brothers should reach an amicable agreement rather than turning to the internet. As one previous poster noted, coming out a few weeks before the wedding would negate any issues (i.e. the potential family disturbance, not the redirection of attention) caused by the brother and his partner arriving at the wedding together.

lauralla avatar
Laura Zaini
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the groom. I mean, you know this is going for sure to raise a lot of drama and it seems non right to me that he does that on his brother' wedding day. You have waited for so long, let your brother live his day in the most relaxed way

billystorm avatar
Billy Storm
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

SO - what CENTURY is this again? oh and - how long do people usually stay married IN this century? isn't it "Tres-Chic" for a marriage to now last a maximum of five years? well, 'maybe' ten IF both parties stay away from each other for long periods of time - could last for decades if they have an "open" marriage. everyone should keep this one thing in mind: husbands and wives come and go - family is forever...

genevacheryl avatar
Cheryl Fontaine
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He could come out before the wedding if that's a problem for you.... telling him not to bring his SO because you're afraid it will ruin your wedding is pathetic. He should have picked a different sister. You're a bigot.

colin_jamieson avatar
Colin Jamieson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So I've been here. Maybe a day of celebrating the love of two people *IS* the right place for the brother and his bf to "come out". Coming out in this scenario probably just means sitting together, maybe even dancing together, but not shouting it from the rooftops. Sorry, in the bride and groom are being the a******s. Even in 2019 this s**t is hard.

katarinajankovic128 avatar
katarina
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in my opinion, we are wrong any time when we choose if the moment is right to give (or to deprive) someone's rights. i believe that everyone should choose their own company for any moment (including this celebration), which includes the groom, the brother and the whole family - all of them has the right to choose their own company, and to do that in any moment. the point of the celebration is to celebrate the wedding of these two people, and if anyone pay more attention on the brother than on the groom and the bride, that's their problem, not brother's, groom's nor bride's...

lucys10gkids avatar
Lucy Shupe
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weddings are stressful enough, this isn’t the time nor the place for your brother to do this. I’d suggest helping him to find a way to come out before your wedding. If still can’t then he never will, that’s not healthy for him or his current or future relationships. I know what I’m talking about in this case.

lisaj avatar
Lisa J
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No way the groom's brother should hold his own funded get-together to make it known. Not use his brother and sil's special day that will be an important day to them for the rest of their lives.

ela-kapic avatar
misteriosa
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is not an a*****e. Brother is not an a*****e either, but he should've put more thought into coming out to the rest of family and friends. If it were two or more weeks prior to the wedding, the brother could've come out and the whole thing with family would settle down, + possible changes in arrangement could be made if someone cancelled. A week prior is just too little time (for me). So the only possible outcome is for brother to come solo, and come out after the wedding whenever he wants.

pascal-dombrowicz avatar
Antihero
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why people expect a "coming out" at all. That's like he needs to ask for permission to still be part of your family even if he is in love with another man. If there is a drama you should not blame your brother or yourself. Just the people who feels the need to do a drama. It's a wedding. Celebrate the love and just let people live and bring whoever they want. He just wants his love to be a part of this event and memories. To think it's his "coming out party" is as wrong and stupid as uncles and aunts making a drama.

ron_santos avatar
Ron Santos
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You missed the point. The extended family will make it a drama. The OP doesn't want that at his wedding, which is completely understandable.

Load More Replies...
ilikepie22334 avatar
John Smith
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I'd say the groom should drink less soy and find his balls. But that ship has no doubt already sailed.

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I d suggest how about your gay bro hanging around for a day or two after the wedding.. And take your parents to dinner and have this private conversation with them.. Your brothers idea sounds more like one of those awful gender reveal parties on facebook...you roll your eyes and think wow this person is looking for attention.

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sorry bro..but any reveal..at your wedding will literally suck the energy out of it. Forever your wife will blame you for ruining HER day...not yours..HERS.. Doesn't matter if the reveal is good and your parents are cool..it will overshadow the bride

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

You don't get to invite half a couple to ANY event. Your brother is well within his rights to skip your wedding if his partner is not invited. Tell him he needs to come out BEFORE the wedding or let him show up with his partner and say nothing. ...///... He is letting you know that he's not going to hide his life any more, and YOU are the only one making a big deal out of it.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You don't get to invite half a couple to ANY event." Of course he does it's his wedding and he's incharge of the invite list. You go to weddings to celebrate the union of two people not to announce stuff that is going on in your life, be it coming or anything else.

Load More Replies...
alessioangiolillo avatar
Ale_Vidal23
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in my opinion the groom is in full right. it's not the right moment to come out with that kind of an info. his gay brother should accept that, if not he is acting very selfish and just loves to stand in the spotlight. so the groom doesn't have to feel bad for deciding in favor of HIS most important day

pascal-dombrowicz avatar
Antihero
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

"That kind of an info" Why he needs to explain anything at all? There is no need before the wedding, not at the wedding or afterwards. Let him and his boyfriend have an amazing day and celebrate together. I don't get why he didn't invite the boyfriend from the beginning and asked his brother if he wants to bring his boyfriend.

Load More Replies...
mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This site should be called Best of Reddit. Not much need for comments here because comments we all agree with are posted within the article.

billystorm avatar
Billy Storm
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

do you mean - only 'good' or "upvoted" comments are posted within the article? if so, that's not the least bit fair.

Load More Replies...
macguffin39 avatar
Mikey
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a gay man that has been in a somewhat similar situation, if my sister had asked me NOT to bring my boyfriend to her wedding for fear of the ensuing drama I'd respect that. It's not my day, it's hers. I can be a queen any ol' day.

haoyun2001 avatar
max_lombardi_mi avatar
gerry1of1 avatar
Gerry Higgins
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your wedding is YOUR wedding and not the place for other people to make statements about their life. The brother can plan his own "Coming Out Party", not at your wedding.

patriciaross avatar
tuzdayschild
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With all due respect, if they know the family is going to get upset and overreact, then the wedding was really not the time to come out to the family. He couldn't really want to ruin the brother's day like that.

maoamdose avatar
Pumbaa
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What does NAH and NTA mean? Reading these abbreviations a lot but don't have a clue.

billystorm avatar
Billy Storm
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i just thought it's because i'm old that i didn't know, and i wasn't gonna ask, but THANKS for doing that. there's SO much new 'slang' all over the place - i can't keep up with that s**t. LOL

Load More Replies...
sassybooie avatar
billystorm avatar
Billy Storm
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yeah, that's what i was seeing. maybe not in the same was as what you were seeing - but still way too much "judgement" here.

Load More Replies...
shaylynnegosnell avatar
Shaylynne Gosnell
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it should be the brothers choice if he wants to come out there or not its his life :/ its better to do it where all of the family is there and they are all in a good mood but im 15 with an amazing gay uncle so what do i know

rungunn avatar
Run Gunn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The groom should do whatever is necessary to keep negative drama away from his wedding day.

lesburleson avatar
Leslie Burleson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm super pro gay , but I think that a brother's wedding isn't the time to start a family battle regardless of who is right or wrong. It sucks that there are still people in this world with hate in their hearts for anyone let alone a family member . It's his brother's choice to come out to his family , and it shouldn't happen at the expense of his brother and brother's wife .

anandapaulus avatar
AP
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In all honesty, I feel that doing anything that draws attention from the marrying couple at a wedding is wrong. Getting into a fight with your plus-one, announcing your pregnancy, upstaging the bridge/groom with your attire, proposing to your significant other, etc. It's just wrong. It's not about you. It's about the happy couple getting ready to go into the next phase of life together. Taking away from that is just wrong. It's selfish. Love is being selfless.

mr_millenium2001 avatar
Bruce Jackson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After the headline I was yes you are wrong but as he is using your wedding to come out I agree with your stance. good luck with the marriage.

genevacheryl avatar
Cheryl Fontaine
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why doesn't he just "come out" NOW, and then in a week no problem at the wedding. If your bigoted family can't handle it, let THEM stay home. Personally, I prefer gays any day to bigots....

3loretta979 avatar
Loretta
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The caption was a bit misleading as I thought we are dealing with a low-key homophobe here, but I'm really glad I read it, it's really a tough emotional dilemma.

cruzarts avatar
Steve Cruz
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand both sides. That said, I was just at a wedding and the youngest brother of the bride (six siblings) brought his girlfriend. She's beautiful, smart, world-traveled, humorous, charming, and loves him a lot. His family is Scandinavian (fair skin, white-blonde hair, gray eyes, rail thin) and she is East Indian (Black hair, black eyes, brown skin, curvy as a racetrack). There were whispers and looks, and they were ignored. Groom is NOT an AH, but it's a shame he didn't stand by his brother and boyfriend.

manic_sania_pro avatar
Помаже Бог
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So what did he do in the end? The advice of letting the bf come but aftee having come out to the fam, some weeks before/earlier, was very good, imo.

flutterbystars avatar
Amanda Reicha
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think the brother was planning to come out; just wanted to bring his boyfriend as a guest. From what I read, the possibility of other people making comments about his brother and his brothers' guest would be the issue. It's those few family members that are the problem, not the brother. I do agree with inviting him to other events before or after, when A-hole family members who can't keep their mouth shut either won't be there or could be told to leave without creating problems for his wedding.

wil_vanderheijden avatar
Wil Vanderheijden
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plain and simple: Weddings are not the occasion where people should suddenly propose, announce their engagement, make it known that they are expecting a child or show up in full military dress as a surprise to the bride and groom or for coming out of the closet. You are just ruining the day for the people who put a lot of effort and money into something that should be THEIR unforgetable day. And not because some entitled fvckheads did all they could to become the center of attention.

terezacervenakova avatar
Tereza Cervenakova
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the gay brother counts on the fact that causing fight on a wedding is a huge faux pas, so his homophobic relatives will control themselfes better. But i would definitely ruin the wedding....

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. You should have allowed your brother to bring his bf. And appreciate the fact that he felt comfortable enough around you to come out at your wedding. And you should have appointed groomsmen to be bouncers for any AH who created drama over it to escort their bigoted behinds out the front door.

charliehyduk avatar
Charlie Hyduk
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would definitely say for him to either come alone (talk to your brother and work things out), or talk to your fiancee and see if he can just pretend that they are friends. Now, I have never been to a wedding or been married (im a teenager i feel like that's obvious. Sorry I don't want to share my age on the net) but this is what I'd do.

olgaantonova avatar
Olga Antonova
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actions speak louder than words. You may say a lot about being supportive, but in reality you chose your bigoted family members over your brother.

soruco_jessica avatar
Jessica Sánchez
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do people from the USA put SO MUCH importance on a "wedding". Better spend the money traveling.... everything has to be a spectacle smh

athenaash avatar
Athena Ash
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should accept that your brother is gay and support him. He's your brother and I'm sure many people don't except him for who he is so at least you need to.

rich_mccormick avatar
Rich McCormick
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OK tried to Google NTA... notice to appear doesn't fit with allot of the posts above so what does NTA in this instance mean? As an openly gay man I would NEVER expect to bring a boyfriend to a wedding, funeral or anything that involves full family, esp if I'm still closeted to many of them. That's just insane. I'm glad both brothers are super close and it's not going to put a rift between them but yea, kinda lame on the gay bro's part to ask such a question on such an important day... another time and another way to come out to the family. I have hard core Republicans throughout my family, allot of them support the idiot in the WH and even with all the negativity coming from the WH lately towards the LGBTQ community my family still accepts me for who I am. Of course being a strong Capricorn, if they didn't accept me I'd move on and forget about them. Sad but true of my nature.

robertpacl avatar
Robert Pacl
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't imagine that the brother doesn't anticipate a hostile reception from the far-right in the family. So, is he trying to spoil the day? I'd question his motives. Sounds like he's pretty well wrapped up in his own problems and mindless of everyone else's. The fact that the far-right relatives have no business inflicting their prejudices on anyone else on this occasion, is irrelevant.

robinrovegno avatar
Display Name
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As etiquette dictates, when attending a wedding, one is not to do anything that would take the focus off the newlyweds. I would think that this would fall into that category, and the brother shouldn't have put the groom in this predicament. It's like those jerks who propose or announce a pregnancy at someone else wedding. You just don't do that.

lsellers48 avatar
Linda Sellers
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not wrong. It's her wedding and she can invite or not invite anyone she pleases. For whatever reason.

ash2lar avatar
Christine M Quigley
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Basically, don't steal anyone else's thunder...it's just not nice, or kind.

samhhaincat avatar
Samhhain Cat
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the "come out a couple weeks ahead of time" thing. Sounds best for everyone.

illuzzi avatar
Jane Illuzzi
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't his brother attend anf his bf be there at a friends table where others wouldn't mind . Announcing the relationship then is a no no.

katerinahuskova avatar
Katerina Huskova
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd love my brother to come with his BF, to celebrate the love. Just ask him not to make a coming out there. It's no one's business.

dga4806059 avatar
Donna Garcia
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The groom is right. The gay brother doesn't want to tell the family because it will cause drama yet he's willing to start drama by bringing his boyfriend to the wedding. It's as if he jealous of the attention his brother is getting at the wedding so he has to cause drama to get attention as well.

hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who has faced a similar decision I was momentarily pissed that he would even ask that question, but his brother should NOT make his wedding his coming out. That is wrong. You don't take the spot light off the bride and groom.

beab_ avatar
LilicatUK
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm angry at the extended family, they are the problem. I think it's just sad that gay people still need to "announce" it to family. They're not dating a giraffe, it's just a person that just happens to have the same kind of genitals!

katarinajankovic128 avatar
katarina
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

archery991 avatar
Devlynn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whatcif he didnt want to fome out on his brothers wedding day and just bring his bf and a friend

zamanfaiza avatar
Faiza Zaman
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i dont think you r an a......e at all. your wedding day is your and your fiancee's day, and the fact that your brother wants to make it all about himself is not at all right. u have supported him throughout and he should understand that your wedding is not the time to come out of the closet and no doubt become the centre of everyone's attention, rather than u and your fiancee.

juanarturo avatar
Juan Aguilar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The gay brother can do a coming out statement at his own party. How about at his own birthday party? He can invite all his family, gay and hetero friends and make the big announcement once everybody has had enough alcohol in their system.

serafina-mahony avatar
Elisaurous uwu
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is super tied, but i do think the groom is not an ahole for doing this. its his big day, once in a lifeytime (hopefully) and even though i know its hard its very confusing at this time...

paulo_antonio_moreira avatar
Paulo Antonio Moreira
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think your brother should ask hinself "Am I wrong for using my brother's wedding, probably the most important day of his life, to come out and call everybody's attention to me? Am I not being selfish?"

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The brother needs to apologize for trying to hijack his brother's wedding. You don't use someone else's wedding as an opportunity to ambush all your homophobic relatives at once with the news that you're gay and virtually guarantee that the wedding becomes all about this news. That's really selfish of him to try to do that to you and your wife.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am relieved that so many peeps agree that someone ELSE'S wedding is not the right place for a coming out. Create your won mega-platform, if you want that kind of dramat unfold. Really, any Thanksgiving will do just fine

dani_2525 avatar
Danielle Renee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the wedding is not the place. hope his brother sees how supportive he is and that he'll have his back ANY other day but this isn't the one.

dwntwnjeff70 avatar
Jeff heinemann
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was the right thing to do. It's like proposing to someone at someones wedding! You just shouldn't do it!

kode1303 avatar
Jesper Rasmussen
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t understand what the fuss is about. Where I live a minister, member of parliament, leader of the conservative party! can be openly gay. How the heck can bringing a bf ruin a wedding? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%C3%B8ren_Pape_Poulsen

cindyreedsnyder_1 avatar
Cindy Snow
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's nice. Unfortunately not every family/ society/ church is that open.

Load More Replies...
christopheferreira avatar
kurisutofu
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was a family fight during my aunt's wedding and that's the only thing people talk about the wedding, even after 40 years so I would say the groom is right.

euniceprobert avatar
Eunice Probert
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be honest, the wedding is about the bride and groom. It's their day and no one else should come out, propose to anyone, or announce a pregnancy. The chap could come out later, but not on his brother's big day. If he'd really desperately wanted to come out, he could have done it long before the wedding.

skwirril avatar
స్టీఫెన్ ఆండ్రూ
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sick of this whole idea of weddings being the bride's 'special day'. It's a day for both parties, not just the bride. Furthermore, the purpose of a wedding should be to celebrate with people you care about, not to make oneself the centre of attention by showing off how much money you can burn. At the end of the day though, the brothers should reach an amicable agreement rather than turning to the internet. As one previous poster noted, coming out a few weeks before the wedding would negate any issues (i.e. the potential family disturbance, not the redirection of attention) caused by the brother and his partner arriving at the wedding together.

lauralla avatar
Laura Zaini
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the groom. I mean, you know this is going for sure to raise a lot of drama and it seems non right to me that he does that on his brother' wedding day. You have waited for so long, let your brother live his day in the most relaxed way

billystorm avatar
Billy Storm
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

SO - what CENTURY is this again? oh and - how long do people usually stay married IN this century? isn't it "Tres-Chic" for a marriage to now last a maximum of five years? well, 'maybe' ten IF both parties stay away from each other for long periods of time - could last for decades if they have an "open" marriage. everyone should keep this one thing in mind: husbands and wives come and go - family is forever...

genevacheryl avatar
Cheryl Fontaine
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He could come out before the wedding if that's a problem for you.... telling him not to bring his SO because you're afraid it will ruin your wedding is pathetic. He should have picked a different sister. You're a bigot.

colin_jamieson avatar
Colin Jamieson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So I've been here. Maybe a day of celebrating the love of two people *IS* the right place for the brother and his bf to "come out". Coming out in this scenario probably just means sitting together, maybe even dancing together, but not shouting it from the rooftops. Sorry, in the bride and groom are being the a******s. Even in 2019 this s**t is hard.

katarinajankovic128 avatar
katarina
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in my opinion, we are wrong any time when we choose if the moment is right to give (or to deprive) someone's rights. i believe that everyone should choose their own company for any moment (including this celebration), which includes the groom, the brother and the whole family - all of them has the right to choose their own company, and to do that in any moment. the point of the celebration is to celebrate the wedding of these two people, and if anyone pay more attention on the brother than on the groom and the bride, that's their problem, not brother's, groom's nor bride's...

lucys10gkids avatar
Lucy Shupe
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weddings are stressful enough, this isn’t the time nor the place for your brother to do this. I’d suggest helping him to find a way to come out before your wedding. If still can’t then he never will, that’s not healthy for him or his current or future relationships. I know what I’m talking about in this case.

lisaj avatar
Lisa J
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No way the groom's brother should hold his own funded get-together to make it known. Not use his brother and sil's special day that will be an important day to them for the rest of their lives.

ela-kapic avatar
misteriosa
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is not an a*****e. Brother is not an a*****e either, but he should've put more thought into coming out to the rest of family and friends. If it were two or more weeks prior to the wedding, the brother could've come out and the whole thing with family would settle down, + possible changes in arrangement could be made if someone cancelled. A week prior is just too little time (for me). So the only possible outcome is for brother to come solo, and come out after the wedding whenever he wants.

pascal-dombrowicz avatar
Antihero
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why people expect a "coming out" at all. That's like he needs to ask for permission to still be part of your family even if he is in love with another man. If there is a drama you should not blame your brother or yourself. Just the people who feels the need to do a drama. It's a wedding. Celebrate the love and just let people live and bring whoever they want. He just wants his love to be a part of this event and memories. To think it's his "coming out party" is as wrong and stupid as uncles and aunts making a drama.

ron_santos avatar
Ron Santos
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You missed the point. The extended family will make it a drama. The OP doesn't want that at his wedding, which is completely understandable.

Load More Replies...
ilikepie22334 avatar
John Smith
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I'd say the groom should drink less soy and find his balls. But that ship has no doubt already sailed.

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I d suggest how about your gay bro hanging around for a day or two after the wedding.. And take your parents to dinner and have this private conversation with them.. Your brothers idea sounds more like one of those awful gender reveal parties on facebook...you roll your eyes and think wow this person is looking for attention.

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sorry bro..but any reveal..at your wedding will literally suck the energy out of it. Forever your wife will blame you for ruining HER day...not yours..HERS.. Doesn't matter if the reveal is good and your parents are cool..it will overshadow the bride

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

You don't get to invite half a couple to ANY event. Your brother is well within his rights to skip your wedding if his partner is not invited. Tell him he needs to come out BEFORE the wedding or let him show up with his partner and say nothing. ...///... He is letting you know that he's not going to hide his life any more, and YOU are the only one making a big deal out of it.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You don't get to invite half a couple to ANY event." Of course he does it's his wedding and he's incharge of the invite list. You go to weddings to celebrate the union of two people not to announce stuff that is going on in your life, be it coming or anything else.

Load More Replies...
Popular on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda