Couple Exposes Wedding Venue That Rejected Them Because They Are Gay And It Backfires
After getting engaged on July 10th, Mike Gill and Coty Heaton spent the next couple of months planning their wedding. The Nashville couple had been looking at venues to celebrate their big day, and in August, they thought they had found the perfect one — the Barn in the Bend, a rustic cozy-looking place in Nashville.
“We were searching for a venue that had indoor/outdoor space for our wedding, it had to be in the Nashville area and within our budget,” Mike told Bored Panda. “After going through tons of venues, this one hit all the marks and was on our list of places to tour.”
But there’s more than meets the eye. When Mike got in touch with Jackie Daniel, the owner of Barn in the Bend, things between them in email exchanges got very weird, very fast.
A gay couple from Tennessee were rejected by a wedding venue just because of their sexual orientation
Image credits: coty.heaton
Mike said that at some point, Jackie figured out he was going to be marrying another man. She sent Mike an email, but for whatever reason, it stated the opposite of what was going inside her head. “We offer same-sex marriage ceremonies only,” it clearly read.
But Jackie apparently figured out her mistake and fired off a follow-up about an hour later with a different signature, this time saying “We do not offer same-sex marriage ceremonies.”
Mike told Jackie he’d let everyone in the area know that the Barn in the Bend was bigoted, to which Jackie replied that her decision was based on her religious beliefs.
After they shared screenshots of the conversation they had with the owner of the venue, the public was furious
Image credits: TMZ
Image credits: TMZ
“People’s reactions have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive,” Mike said. “Once things really blew up we stopped reading the comments because there are trolls on the internet you can’t avoid. But so many people we know and don’t know reached out through social media and it’s been incredible.”
Eventually, the couple found another venue. “It’s called The Grove at Williamson Family Farm. Our focus now is to start planning a really great wedding and party for our friends and family to be a part of. This was an unfortunate start to the process but it’s helped us to find so many more options we didn’t know about!”
Image credits: coty.heaton
To learn more about how to choose the right venue, we contacted Michelle Lew, the owner of Lavender Crown Events, a wedding planning company servicing San Jose, Silicon Valley, and the surrounding areas. “When people decide to get married, they usually have a vision of the type of backdrop they want for their ceremony and reception,” she told Bored Panda. “It may be in the forest, overlooking city lights, a luscious garden, a historic estate, or a golf club. Some couples choose venues that are special to their relationship, such as a brewery or winery they frequent or a restaurant they had a significant date in. Using these themes and ideas helps narrow down the options of which venues to tour. The next step is often how inclusive the venue is towards providing services for the couple’s needs whether it may be including rentals and catering/bar service or if it is just the most budget-friendly.”
“Most of all, I’ve seen couples choose venues where they have the best customer service and really get to connect with the venue coordinator! The venue is the center of the wedding day, so it is important to click well with the staff on-site to ensure the couple feels supported throughout the entire planning process.”
And jumped to their defense
Image credits: georgejackson
Lew said that venues may, in fact, refuse to host a wedding. But they usually have legitimate reasons. “Commonly, it’s due to capacity or other restrictions. Many properties, for example, do not allow open flames,” she explained. “With many traditional Indian weddings, fire is necessary during the ceremony, so venue options are limited. Venues can also have strict catering and bar requirements due to food handling and liquor licenses so some places may turn away couples that are adamant about outside catering. It is not often that a venue may refuse to host a wedding unless something central to the event violates the venue’s rules. However, even when an idea might violate the regulations, the venues (and myself as a planner) always have other suggestions to substitute!”
“Just recently, I had a bride put down a deposit for fireworks without my or the venue’s knowledge. With the venue being in a rustic setting with lots of nearby fields (and also with the wedding happening during fire season in California), the couple was nearly turned away due to the open flames! In the end, the fireworks were transformed into a laser show with cold sparklers,” Lew recalled.
Personally, the wedding planner finds it ludicrous that a venue would turn away Mike and Coty based on sexual discrimination. “I have never experienced a venue or vendor that would turn away a client due to orientation, race, religion, etc. The only times these may occur are in churches that have very strict religions. However, the couple will most likely not be a part of that church in the beginning!” Lew said.
This “business decision” may have seriously backfired on the venue
Image credits: KyleMoshier
Mike Gill also wanted to make it clear to everyone that the purpose of his original post wasn’t to get press or likes. “It was just to let the people in our friend circle and the Nashville area know about this venue and their unfortunate business practices,” he added. “It’s frustrating that just because we are a same-sex couple we don’t have the same options as any other couple.”
But people think it’s well-deserved
Image credits: WesB73
Am I the only one who read the headline of this article as it backfiring on the couple?
For the person in the article who asked if it's really wrong to refuse to hold a wedding for people whose values you don't agree with - being gay is not a value any more than being black or being female are values. Go ahead and refuse to deal with white supremacists (the example they gave) - they made a choice to believe in hate. Refusing based on a quality someone did not choose is an asshole move. Making a choice based on someone's opinions or beliefs is as valid as their right to choose to believe in things. The owner of the venue has chosen to be homophobic and now people are choosing to boycott their business. Both are protected as forms of freedom of expression. Choices have consequences even when they are legally protected choices. You cannot be arrested for choosing to be a bigot, but you can go bankrupt when no one else wants to associate with you because of it.
Came here to say this. You can't choose how you're born. You CAN choose whether you love or hate your fellow humans.
Load More Replies...And all in the name of God. That's what's even worse.
Load More Replies...Why does their first email say they only offer same sex ceremonies, and then it was changed?
I noticed that, too. It's a pretty glaring inconsistency and yet no one in the article addresses it.
Load More Replies...The person who equated being gay to a 'shared value', like white supremacy, is a f*****g idiot.
Using religion as a reason to be hateful to people is such a pathetic excuse.
As a Christian, I was never a fan of people using that as an excuse to be shitty. Pretty sure Jesus wants us to love all.
Load More Replies...Why in the first screen shot, the email states "We offer same sex marriage ceremonies only", then in the response it was changed to " We do not offer same sex marriage ceremonies".
The behaviour of such companies has nothing to do with religious sensitivities but with pure bigotry. I bet many cheats, thugs, swindlers and other people with completely non-Christian intentions have been married here. The "advantage" is that you don't see all this on the outside. Basically, I would only want to get married where I really felt welcome and in good hands. You don't want me? No worries, I'll take my money somewhere else.
This is disgraceful behavior by the 'supportive' LGBTQ+ community. I don't agree with Jackie's views, but I agree with her approach: VERY RESPECTFULLY declined with professional and positive language to wish them well, and briefly explaining her reasoning. This is not hate speech, this is just indoctrinated fear for what she doesn't understand. The response that she got WAS hate speech. "Let's gang up on this person and violate Yelp's ToS to spread misinformation so we can wreck this person's life for what they believe in!" They just turned a disagreement into a war. This ain't inclusive. (Ed: Still not sure what's up with the signature change. Might have been a typo first time?)
If you check the original email signature, it was actually not clear from the very start. In fact, one could argue she was deliberately targeting same sex couples for her business and then flaunting her right to refuse them. Trolling, in other words.
Load More Replies...The only surprising part of this article is that 'we offer same sex marriages only' being changed to 'we do not offer same sex marriages' is glossed over.
I might take an unpopular opinion here but...the owner of the barn was neither rude, nor hateful nor bigoted about it. They simply didn't want to give them business. I mean they are well within their rights to refuse. It's a private business. Heck they could have refused them business cuz they could say y'all too ugly for my barn, and that's effectively the same thing. If not the business they were dealing with was governmental or along those lines, that's a different affair. It sucks but what are you gonna do, hang the religious folks?
But we should we tolerate someone who thinks it's okay to discriminate against a couple who are in a same-sex relationship, even though homosexuality is not a choice? That is exactly what bigotry is. By your logic, would you think it's okay for a wedding venue to only allow white couples to get married at their venue, because they don't believe interracial or POC couples should get married? As long as they were "polite" about it?
Load More Replies...Here's the irony of it all. This person has personal choices, religious, etc. Their state has laws that still protect them and their PRIVATE business. I get that you may not like their ideals, but again, that's not for you to decide. The "woke" culture is not about to accept an ideal that is opposite theirs, which is the true irony. This business owner was professional and respectful. If you don't like their personal beliefs.......sorry?
Um.... not accepting discrimination isn't really about being woke. It's about being a decent human being. If that be woke, then by all means, let me be woke.
Load More Replies...In my country it's illegal to deny anything to anyone because of their orientation or whatsoever. Everyones rights are protected under the anti discrimination law. Someone's sexuality is none of your business. I never heard of such a behavior in my country. It's so strange. Your religion is for you and you should never push it on others. Bigots. That's what you are. You are wrong and no one supports your behavior. The couple is clearly better off without this venue.
So it's indeed none of their business ... That's why they withheld their business
Load More Replies...What you are all looking for, when breaking your head about the fact that you want venues to be tolerant for who people are, but not for intolerant attitudes is called paradox of tolerance. " Karl Popper described it as the seemingly paradoxical idea that in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must retain the right to be intolerant of intolerance" https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance
Unfortunately, ignorant of this paradox, intolerant idiots try to use the opposite of this argument as "killer argument" against people fighting for tolerance and against intolerance.
Load More Replies...I suppose that this is the wrong time to mention that King James, who commissioned and approved the version of the Bible these evangelical luddites cling to, was gay. Just sayin'
It’s funny how historians are basing that on how he had close male friends and didn’t want to start wars.
Load More Replies...Once again. Consistency. Imagine if some Neo Nazis or KKK members wanted to have shirts made up for their 23rd annual hateathon, and they chose to go to a gay screen printer. should he have to make those shirts even though they fly in the face of his personal beliefs? if its ok for you, its ok for me. if its not ok for you, its not ok for me. say it with me.
Nazis are not born nazis. They are hateful people who chose to be hateful and harm other people. Being gay is not a choice. Refusing service to a terrorist hate group is not the same because of your personal beliefs as refusing service to someone for something they cannot change for their personal beliefs.
Load More Replies...Straight white male here. I am baffled why anyone allows themselves to be affected by another person's choices. If you're not gay, great. Date/sleep with/marry the opposite gender. If you are gay, great. Date/sleep with/marry the same gender. Who actually gets traumatized by homosexuals? Like "OH MY GOD, somewhere in the world a man is kissing another man! I CAN FEEL IT AND IT'S CAUSING ME ANXIETY!" Grow up. And for businesses to do that is just STUPID. Rainbow bucks spend just as well as any other. Never heard anyone say "Well, here's a tenner in regular money, but if you go to a gay bar, it's only worth $6.50."
I don't know about this one. I think if the venue is so openly telling you they are not gay friendly, then walk away. Take your hard earned money to someone who can appreciate it and help you realise your wedding without that kind of stress.
I have been thinking about this. I wouldn't want to host a KKK wedding or serve swastika cookies to Oath Keepers, but I agree it's wrong to deny a wedding based on sexual orientation. Maybe the answer is ban hate, but keep love.
Load More Replies...The only way I can think refusal based on orientation would be justified would be is the venue actually performs the wedding, and they have a sincerely held belief that marriage is a sacred rite and participating in a blasphemous rite is against their beliefs. If they are just putting out chairs and renting a space, there is no justifiable reason I can see.
I fully support the gay community, but also think it's unacceptable that those that don't can't have their opinion without such hatred pointed toward them. That doesn't help either side!
for people who claim to have been bullied most of their life (for being a part of lgbtq community)...they turned out to be pretty mean bullies themselves. not cool, guys!
I am a Christian. Like a Bible believing Christian. And I'm I'm not a liberal Christian, Im definitely more conservative. And I can tell you unequivocally that I don't hate gay people. Even before one of my all time favorite people came out to me. And our friendship stands. I don't believe it's a choice to have attraction to your own sex. I think it's a hard row to hoe. I do believe that acting on it is wrong. But I also believe that any premarital sex is wrong. I also think gossip is wrong, being drunk is wrong, being prideful is wrong, being greedy is wrong. Ask me which sins I'm guilty of. There's a lot. I don't judge you or hate you, because I am you. Maybe different sins but guilty nonetheless. That's why I am thankful to have a forgiving Savior in Jesus Christ. I wouldn't say "seek Jesus" because I hate you. I would say it because I love you.
Most people don't know what the difference between what love and hate is. I think it's hateful to demand that someone go against their belief system to accommodate you. If they refuse you try to literally destroy them. That's hateful, selfish, arrogant. But somehow ok to the typical liberal. Who thinks themselves to be loving.
Commenter Brad Mori made a good suggestion. I haven’t planned my wedding yet but one of the first things I will ask any venues is if they host same-sex marriages, just so we can avoid the ones that do not. Being in California… it probably wouldn’t be an issue. But we can rest easy knowing the venue we chose does not discriminate. Love is love.
Do they also refuse people who haven't been to confession recently - out of religious reasons? I am not religious, but the things that I remember about Jesus is that he preached love! Let God do the sorting who was bad and who was not.
Gee I wonder how much more clearly you can let us all know your white supremacist?
Load More Replies...Huh? What does that have to do with anything? A muslim being a bigot is just as repulsive as any other person...I dont get your point?
Load More Replies...It's only guaranteed to come back and bite the bigots. I promise.
Load More Replies...Am I the only one who read the headline of this article as it backfiring on the couple?
For the person in the article who asked if it's really wrong to refuse to hold a wedding for people whose values you don't agree with - being gay is not a value any more than being black or being female are values. Go ahead and refuse to deal with white supremacists (the example they gave) - they made a choice to believe in hate. Refusing based on a quality someone did not choose is an asshole move. Making a choice based on someone's opinions or beliefs is as valid as their right to choose to believe in things. The owner of the venue has chosen to be homophobic and now people are choosing to boycott their business. Both are protected as forms of freedom of expression. Choices have consequences even when they are legally protected choices. You cannot be arrested for choosing to be a bigot, but you can go bankrupt when no one else wants to associate with you because of it.
Came here to say this. You can't choose how you're born. You CAN choose whether you love or hate your fellow humans.
Load More Replies...And all in the name of God. That's what's even worse.
Load More Replies...Why does their first email say they only offer same sex ceremonies, and then it was changed?
I noticed that, too. It's a pretty glaring inconsistency and yet no one in the article addresses it.
Load More Replies...The person who equated being gay to a 'shared value', like white supremacy, is a f*****g idiot.
Using religion as a reason to be hateful to people is such a pathetic excuse.
As a Christian, I was never a fan of people using that as an excuse to be shitty. Pretty sure Jesus wants us to love all.
Load More Replies...Why in the first screen shot, the email states "We offer same sex marriage ceremonies only", then in the response it was changed to " We do not offer same sex marriage ceremonies".
The behaviour of such companies has nothing to do with religious sensitivities but with pure bigotry. I bet many cheats, thugs, swindlers and other people with completely non-Christian intentions have been married here. The "advantage" is that you don't see all this on the outside. Basically, I would only want to get married where I really felt welcome and in good hands. You don't want me? No worries, I'll take my money somewhere else.
This is disgraceful behavior by the 'supportive' LGBTQ+ community. I don't agree with Jackie's views, but I agree with her approach: VERY RESPECTFULLY declined with professional and positive language to wish them well, and briefly explaining her reasoning. This is not hate speech, this is just indoctrinated fear for what she doesn't understand. The response that she got WAS hate speech. "Let's gang up on this person and violate Yelp's ToS to spread misinformation so we can wreck this person's life for what they believe in!" They just turned a disagreement into a war. This ain't inclusive. (Ed: Still not sure what's up with the signature change. Might have been a typo first time?)
If you check the original email signature, it was actually not clear from the very start. In fact, one could argue she was deliberately targeting same sex couples for her business and then flaunting her right to refuse them. Trolling, in other words.
Load More Replies...The only surprising part of this article is that 'we offer same sex marriages only' being changed to 'we do not offer same sex marriages' is glossed over.
I might take an unpopular opinion here but...the owner of the barn was neither rude, nor hateful nor bigoted about it. They simply didn't want to give them business. I mean they are well within their rights to refuse. It's a private business. Heck they could have refused them business cuz they could say y'all too ugly for my barn, and that's effectively the same thing. If not the business they were dealing with was governmental or along those lines, that's a different affair. It sucks but what are you gonna do, hang the religious folks?
But we should we tolerate someone who thinks it's okay to discriminate against a couple who are in a same-sex relationship, even though homosexuality is not a choice? That is exactly what bigotry is. By your logic, would you think it's okay for a wedding venue to only allow white couples to get married at their venue, because they don't believe interracial or POC couples should get married? As long as they were "polite" about it?
Load More Replies...Here's the irony of it all. This person has personal choices, religious, etc. Their state has laws that still protect them and their PRIVATE business. I get that you may not like their ideals, but again, that's not for you to decide. The "woke" culture is not about to accept an ideal that is opposite theirs, which is the true irony. This business owner was professional and respectful. If you don't like their personal beliefs.......sorry?
Um.... not accepting discrimination isn't really about being woke. It's about being a decent human being. If that be woke, then by all means, let me be woke.
Load More Replies...In my country it's illegal to deny anything to anyone because of their orientation or whatsoever. Everyones rights are protected under the anti discrimination law. Someone's sexuality is none of your business. I never heard of such a behavior in my country. It's so strange. Your religion is for you and you should never push it on others. Bigots. That's what you are. You are wrong and no one supports your behavior. The couple is clearly better off without this venue.
So it's indeed none of their business ... That's why they withheld their business
Load More Replies...What you are all looking for, when breaking your head about the fact that you want venues to be tolerant for who people are, but not for intolerant attitudes is called paradox of tolerance. " Karl Popper described it as the seemingly paradoxical idea that in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must retain the right to be intolerant of intolerance" https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance
Unfortunately, ignorant of this paradox, intolerant idiots try to use the opposite of this argument as "killer argument" against people fighting for tolerance and against intolerance.
Load More Replies...I suppose that this is the wrong time to mention that King James, who commissioned and approved the version of the Bible these evangelical luddites cling to, was gay. Just sayin'
It’s funny how historians are basing that on how he had close male friends and didn’t want to start wars.
Load More Replies...Once again. Consistency. Imagine if some Neo Nazis or KKK members wanted to have shirts made up for their 23rd annual hateathon, and they chose to go to a gay screen printer. should he have to make those shirts even though they fly in the face of his personal beliefs? if its ok for you, its ok for me. if its not ok for you, its not ok for me. say it with me.
Nazis are not born nazis. They are hateful people who chose to be hateful and harm other people. Being gay is not a choice. Refusing service to a terrorist hate group is not the same because of your personal beliefs as refusing service to someone for something they cannot change for their personal beliefs.
Load More Replies...Straight white male here. I am baffled why anyone allows themselves to be affected by another person's choices. If you're not gay, great. Date/sleep with/marry the opposite gender. If you are gay, great. Date/sleep with/marry the same gender. Who actually gets traumatized by homosexuals? Like "OH MY GOD, somewhere in the world a man is kissing another man! I CAN FEEL IT AND IT'S CAUSING ME ANXIETY!" Grow up. And for businesses to do that is just STUPID. Rainbow bucks spend just as well as any other. Never heard anyone say "Well, here's a tenner in regular money, but if you go to a gay bar, it's only worth $6.50."
I don't know about this one. I think if the venue is so openly telling you they are not gay friendly, then walk away. Take your hard earned money to someone who can appreciate it and help you realise your wedding without that kind of stress.
I have been thinking about this. I wouldn't want to host a KKK wedding or serve swastika cookies to Oath Keepers, but I agree it's wrong to deny a wedding based on sexual orientation. Maybe the answer is ban hate, but keep love.
Load More Replies...The only way I can think refusal based on orientation would be justified would be is the venue actually performs the wedding, and they have a sincerely held belief that marriage is a sacred rite and participating in a blasphemous rite is against their beliefs. If they are just putting out chairs and renting a space, there is no justifiable reason I can see.
I fully support the gay community, but also think it's unacceptable that those that don't can't have their opinion without such hatred pointed toward them. That doesn't help either side!
for people who claim to have been bullied most of their life (for being a part of lgbtq community)...they turned out to be pretty mean bullies themselves. not cool, guys!
I am a Christian. Like a Bible believing Christian. And I'm I'm not a liberal Christian, Im definitely more conservative. And I can tell you unequivocally that I don't hate gay people. Even before one of my all time favorite people came out to me. And our friendship stands. I don't believe it's a choice to have attraction to your own sex. I think it's a hard row to hoe. I do believe that acting on it is wrong. But I also believe that any premarital sex is wrong. I also think gossip is wrong, being drunk is wrong, being prideful is wrong, being greedy is wrong. Ask me which sins I'm guilty of. There's a lot. I don't judge you or hate you, because I am you. Maybe different sins but guilty nonetheless. That's why I am thankful to have a forgiving Savior in Jesus Christ. I wouldn't say "seek Jesus" because I hate you. I would say it because I love you.
Most people don't know what the difference between what love and hate is. I think it's hateful to demand that someone go against their belief system to accommodate you. If they refuse you try to literally destroy them. That's hateful, selfish, arrogant. But somehow ok to the typical liberal. Who thinks themselves to be loving.
Commenter Brad Mori made a good suggestion. I haven’t planned my wedding yet but one of the first things I will ask any venues is if they host same-sex marriages, just so we can avoid the ones that do not. Being in California… it probably wouldn’t be an issue. But we can rest easy knowing the venue we chose does not discriminate. Love is love.
Do they also refuse people who haven't been to confession recently - out of religious reasons? I am not religious, but the things that I remember about Jesus is that he preached love! Let God do the sorting who was bad and who was not.
Gee I wonder how much more clearly you can let us all know your white supremacist?
Load More Replies...Huh? What does that have to do with anything? A muslim being a bigot is just as repulsive as any other person...I dont get your point?
Load More Replies...It's only guaranteed to come back and bite the bigots. I promise.
Load More Replies...
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