Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Newly Engaged Woman Doesn’t Trust Mom, Won’t Share Wedding Details After She Blows Her Proposal
There’s nothing like an engagement to turn a regular family into a slightly overzealous PR department. It’s like the minute someone flashes a diamond, a hidden switch flips, and every cousin, aunt, and family friend has urgent opinions about the wedding color scheme and cake flavor.
For most couples, the post-proposal glow involves champagne toasts, a few happy tears, and maybe a round of “how did he ask?” But for one woman, it also involved her news being blasted to relatives, thanks to her over-excited mom, before she’d even had the chance to put her ring on her finger.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Proposals usually come with champagne and happy tears, but sometimes they come with family drama and news alerts
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One bride refuses to share her wedding date with her mom after she announces her engagement to the family without permission
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman’s mom shares a photo of the proposal with the family, announcing the engagement, before her daughter has a chance to
Image credits: boggy / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The bride confronts her mom about what she did, but is told she has the right to share good news with her family
Image credits: Objective-Row9920
The bride decides to keep the wedding date a secret after mom refuses to take accountability, but is accused of gatekeeping
The OP’s (original poster) fiancé pulled off a swoon-worthy proposal during a trip to visit her sister. I’m talking champagne, a photographer, a romantic speech, the works. This guy went all out and the OP was blissfully wrapped up in the moment. Her sister wanted to include their mom also, so she snapped a pic and sent it to her. Harmless, right? You would think so.
But within minutes, that photo had been forwarded to a handful of relatives. By the time the OP had her phone back, she was already getting congratulatory texts from cousins, aunts and probably someone’s dog sitter. This was super frustrating because she’d always been very clear with sis and mom that she wanted to personally call each family member to share her engagement, if it happened.
So, having that special moment stolen from her, the OP and her fiancé decided to keep the wedding details secret. They locked in a gorgeous venue, but after the engagement leak incident, they’re keeping the exact date under wraps, because they know exactly what would happen if they told certain people too soon.
Mom, however, is not loving this strategy. She’s been nagging the OP with questions, suggesting that keeping the date a secret is “gatekeeping” and unfair to family members who need to plan. But the fed up OP finally laid it out: the reason they’re not sharing the date is because she doesn’t trust her mom to keep it to herself.
This started another round of “but I was just excited” and “this is normal mom behavior,” and suddenly, the OP and her mom were back in the same circular conversation that’s been playing on repeat for months. So, the OP is wondering if she should tell her mom anything about the wedding at all — the date, the dress, even whether she’s serving chicken or fish.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
You know how family is – everyone means well (usually), but not everyone understands the meaning of boundaries. Family boundaries get blurry because relatives often confuse closeness with permission to overstep. And while setting boundaries with family might feel like trying to herd cats, it’s totally doable. You just need to be ok with saying “no.”
Get comfortable with clear, short answers and stick to them, even if auntie Linda pouts. Be clear and consistent about what you’re comfortable doing or sharing and what’s off-limits. Because boundaries aren’t about punishing anyone, they’re about protecting your peace.
It’s hard, I get it, especially when you need to keep your mom out of important plans like a wedding. But when mom can’t take accountability for her actions, it might be the best idea. Because owning up to mistakes is not a skill everyone has in their toolbox. Some people see “I was wrong” as admitting defeat rather than just… being human.
Pride, embarrassment, entitlement and a fear of losing face can make folks lean in harder instead of apologizing. When you’re dealing with someone like that, try to skip the blame game. State what happened, explain how it affected you, and decide your next move without waiting for a gold-star apology that might never come.
So, what would you do in this situation? Do you think the bride is a jerk for keeping wedding secrets from her mom? Share your thoughts and comments below!
Netizens side with the bride, saying she is not a jerk for putting her mom on an info diet
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Janelle Collard 3 months ago
I agree with the comments: Let her know with everyone else when you send out the "Save the date" announcements. Also, no dress shopping with mom! Mom's got a major case of Main Character Syndrome + is blaming OP for being upset that Mom was "excited."
Apatheist Account2 3 months ago
Sorry, but that text is straight out of a marriage guidance text book, not a conversation between two people at odds. All the "I understand this" and "I hear that" - sorry, not buying it at all.
Emilu 3 months ago
"I'm sorry that you're hurt" is a politician apology. Similar to "I'm sorry if you feel that way". It's simply saying you're sorry *if* their words caused you hurt, whilst not actually claiming responsibility that Mum's actions/words *did* cause OP grief. If she was actually sorry, she'd apologise for her actions, eg: "I'm sorry that my announcing the date early hurt your feelings; I was excited and may have overstepped". I'd be saying she gives a proper apology, or she gets the information date of it happening/not at all.
Paul C 3 months ago
Clearly mommy dearest can't be trusted with a phone, but she will apologise if she is not contacted. Don't block her, just totally cease all contact. Closer to the wedding date, she will have massive FOMO and do/say whatever she needs to in order to be part of things again. And clearly, no phone allowed at any event the OP doesn't want broadcast about. If she brings one out, she's out. Permanently.
Nikki Sevven 3 months ago
If I hurt someone—unintentionally, as I never would do so intentionally—I'm horrified and immediately apologize. My feelings on the issue are irrelevant. If someone I care for is hurt because of me, I want to do whatever possible to heal it.
JayWantsACat 3 months ago
"I'm not going to apologize for being excited". You weren't being asked to, you were expected to apologize for sharing that info when it wasn't yours to share, idiot.
Nova Rook 3 months ago
The mother is a B word and you can hear it in her word choices and how she describes what was done.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
*pulls out dictionary* - b***h, berk, bumba klart...
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
Not a single apology, just a bunch of "me, me, me" from mom. so, no, Felicia, you get a save the date like everyone else because it is not your news to share and you clearly have no boundaries. Same as the wedding dress, you won't see it until the day because you can't be trusted to not share it with everyone else - because you think that's your right because you are excited. TBF, I would be tempted to elope but still throw a huge reception and send that out as a save the date.
brittany 3 months ago
she would absolutely share pics of you in your dress. either do not invite her or if you feel you really really want the experience of going with her without her ruining your wedding dress as well, pick one you want in private and just do dress shopping with her for funzies. make sure the fun dresses are way way different than the one youre actually going to wear. id pick the most outlandish, bizarre, never-would-i ever-wear-that dresses just to see her face lol but that's just me. you do whatever makes you most comfortable.
Biana Weatherford 3 months ago
I'm actually hearing the Mom is trying. As a loud person who will blurt info to anyone, I get it. Ooops isn't enough for most people, but that's all she can offer. Tell me to kept it on the DL and I will. I CAN keep things private. So can this Mom. Find something for her, she's your mom.
T'Mar of Vulcan 3 months ago
I had an aunt (mom's bro's wife) who was highly upset that my brother and his fiancee didn't invite her to their engagement party - the one they didn't have! They didn't even announce it, they just decided to get married, and the first I heard of it was when they were diamond shopping (South Africa mines its own diamonds so no chance it could be a blood diamond). Then I wasn't told I was a bridesmaid and it only dawned on me after my now-SIL called me up asking things like how tall was I. If we'd gotten upset about not being told we'd have had a very hard time. Aunt held a grudge for years. I'm pretty sure she went to her Maker still convinced we'd left her out of an engagement party that never happened!
Janelle Collard 3 months ago
I agree with the comments: Let her know with everyone else when you send out the "Save the date" announcements. Also, no dress shopping with mom! Mom's got a major case of Main Character Syndrome + is blaming OP for being upset that Mom was "excited."
Apatheist Account2 3 months ago
Sorry, but that text is straight out of a marriage guidance text book, not a conversation between two people at odds. All the "I understand this" and "I hear that" - sorry, not buying it at all.
Emilu 3 months ago
"I'm sorry that you're hurt" is a politician apology. Similar to "I'm sorry if you feel that way". It's simply saying you're sorry *if* their words caused you hurt, whilst not actually claiming responsibility that Mum's actions/words *did* cause OP grief. If she was actually sorry, she'd apologise for her actions, eg: "I'm sorry that my announcing the date early hurt your feelings; I was excited and may have overstepped". I'd be saying she gives a proper apology, or she gets the information date of it happening/not at all.
Paul C 3 months ago
Clearly mommy dearest can't be trusted with a phone, but she will apologise if she is not contacted. Don't block her, just totally cease all contact. Closer to the wedding date, she will have massive FOMO and do/say whatever she needs to in order to be part of things again. And clearly, no phone allowed at any event the OP doesn't want broadcast about. If she brings one out, she's out. Permanently.
Nikki Sevven 3 months ago
If I hurt someone—unintentionally, as I never would do so intentionally—I'm horrified and immediately apologize. My feelings on the issue are irrelevant. If someone I care for is hurt because of me, I want to do whatever possible to heal it.
JayWantsACat 3 months ago
"I'm not going to apologize for being excited". You weren't being asked to, you were expected to apologize for sharing that info when it wasn't yours to share, idiot.
Nova Rook 3 months ago
The mother is a B word and you can hear it in her word choices and how she describes what was done.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
*pulls out dictionary* - b***h, berk, bumba klart...
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
Not a single apology, just a bunch of "me, me, me" from mom. so, no, Felicia, you get a save the date like everyone else because it is not your news to share and you clearly have no boundaries. Same as the wedding dress, you won't see it until the day because you can't be trusted to not share it with everyone else - because you think that's your right because you are excited. TBF, I would be tempted to elope but still throw a huge reception and send that out as a save the date.
brittany 3 months ago
she would absolutely share pics of you in your dress. either do not invite her or if you feel you really really want the experience of going with her without her ruining your wedding dress as well, pick one you want in private and just do dress shopping with her for funzies. make sure the fun dresses are way way different than the one youre actually going to wear. id pick the most outlandish, bizarre, never-would-i ever-wear-that dresses just to see her face lol but that's just me. you do whatever makes you most comfortable.
Biana Weatherford 3 months ago
I'm actually hearing the Mom is trying. As a loud person who will blurt info to anyone, I get it. Ooops isn't enough for most people, but that's all she can offer. Tell me to kept it on the DL and I will. I CAN keep things private. So can this Mom. Find something for her, she's your mom.
T'Mar of Vulcan 3 months ago
I had an aunt (mom's bro's wife) who was highly upset that my brother and his fiancee didn't invite her to their engagement party - the one they didn't have! They didn't even announce it, they just decided to get married, and the first I heard of it was when they were diamond shopping (South Africa mines its own diamonds so no chance it could be a blood diamond). Then I wasn't told I was a bridesmaid and it only dawned on me after my now-SIL called me up asking things like how tall was I. If we'd gotten upset about not being told we'd have had a very hard time. Aunt held a grudge for years. I'm pretty sure she went to her Maker still convinced we'd left her out of an engagement party that never happened!
You May Like Guy Says No To ADHD Sister’s Grand Idea For His Wedding, Family Is Furious Woman Makes SIL Taste Her Own Medicine When It’s Her Turn To Get Married Parents Assume Childfree Cousin Will Babysit For Them On A Trip; Receive A Shocking Surprise Instead
Monika Pašukonytė
Justinas Keturka
Dominyka Proškėnaitė
Related on Bored Panda
42
23