You get into an argument with someone, the two of you are going at each other back and forth, and they get you so riled up that you suddenly can't think of a good comeback. Until you're taking a shower two years later.
There's actually a French term for this called l'esprit de l'escalier. It describes the feeling you get when you come up with the perfect reply after the fact.
We've all been there. It's devastating.
So let's take a moment and pay our respects to the people who can, in fact, deliver the goods on the spot. Taken from the appropriately titled subreddit r/MurderedByWords, here are some of the best ways to end a disagreement.
This post may include affiliate links.
Australians Are Easily Offended
hi Laura. your comment seems to imply that "everyone in the USA" is pro-gun. If that is what you are saying, please remember that stero typing is just not good or helpful. especially when a situation is complex. More than half of Americans believe that legislation to curb gun violence is desperately needed and are fighting for it.
Load More Replies...
I live in the US, and I assure you, I am seriously offended by the gun violence here. I am DISGUSTED by it, and disgusted with the criminal politicians who take bribes from weapons manufacturers and refuse to make decent gun laws! I am disgusted by those SAME politicians who don't give a s**t about how many lives are lost in gun violence, but by god, they're determined to drone on about how pro-life they are while stomping all over women's rights! Bunch of c***s, the lot of them!
I begin to wonder if I am actually an American. I'm not remotely offended by the word c**t, and deeply offended, infuriated, and heartbroken by the senseless slaughter of children.
Is it me, or are more and more BP posts just s******g on America? WE KNOW how bad it is.
I came to BP to take a break from the stress of American politics. And now you can't read BP without feeling beat up. So, no, I don't think you're imagining the s******g on America.
Load More Replies...
Stop being a c&#t Thomas. I am pretty sure most Americans are NOT ok with kids being "slaughterd with automatic weapons." The hate for "Americans" gets pretty lame after a while. Go there. See for yourself. Seriously...
To everyone who is not American: We do care. We are working to stop this. I know our country is filled with a lot of stupid people, but it's also filled with a lot of smart people. The problem is that the stupid people always manage to be louder. Emphasis: please don't forget that there are still good people here. We are trying to fix these problems.
I, and my family and friends are equally offended by politicians, especially Republicans, who under the thumb of the National Rifle Association.
I am old enough to remember when the NRA was a gun safety organization. Not any more.
Load More Replies... And the thing the rest of the world needs to understand is that we do not have majority rule in America. If we did, this would not be happening.
Semi-automatic for most of them...but as a Canadian, I'm super offended by *anyone* being randomly murdered with a firearm...and I own a firearm.
Most of us are more than offended by our school children being killed by guns. Unfortunately we are not the rich. And our vote no longer counts in our country.
Yeah, because us Americans are perfectly content with the school shootings. -_-
I promise not all of us are happy about it. Had a bad scare myself
It's sad that people think we aren't offended by the gun violence in our own country this comparison is unfair.
I'm american and use the word c*nt all the time and equally offended by children being slaughtered
I am an American and desperately want the idiots in charge to do something about children getting murdered in school or anywhere.
Automatic weapons have never been used in a school shooting. How often are automatic weapons used in any crime? HINT: 4 - 6 times since 1934. Exact information is difficult to find. BATF officials have been quoted saying 4 times.
Ha...look at the moron trying to sound smart. Does that make you feel better?
It's not even funny anymore😔 It's not even a "gun control" thing so much as a conversation we're not having about the sad state of mental health care in the US. I could go on, but this whole thing makes my heart sick.
I'm an American, I think the word c*nt is highly useful in different scenarios and these shootings scare the ever loving hell out of me.
Sorry, but this is in such bad taste of a comparison. No one is not offended by school shooting in America. No American is okay with it. A word is just a sound people make with their mouths that takes on a different meaning and intent in different areas of the world. You can't even compare it to gun violence in schools.
The NRA fights EVERY SINGLE ATTEMPT to address this issue. They won't even consider the TINIEST changes in the law, such as having waiting periods for buying a semiautomatic rifle. Please educate yourself about this issue. The NRA used to be a gun safety organization. Not any more!
Load More Replies...
Aaaand the word c**t must be censored so noone will be offended.... Edit: wow, it also automaticly cencored my comment...
You do realise he didn't say every single American!? Howerve the comment section is proving his point, this comment section is so offended that he's generalising Americans, instead of focusing on the actual intention of the tweet 🤨
The first comment that most are responding to DID say EVERY AMERICAN. The only "point" that is being proven is that even when Americans defend themselves against unfair generalizations and comments....we are STILL somehow "wrong" to certain people. JFC. I am "offended" at ANY person stating that I somehow dont care that my freaking child lives in fear of going to school!! I DID focus on the "intention" of the tweet... which is wholly ignorant and thinks we are of one mind. Half of us are fighting like dogs to get reform on this and do NOT like to be lumped in with the gun nuts just because they happen to share our nationality. They actually have a word for that....
Load More Replies... Americans force women to have babies to replace the ones killed in school shootings.
I honestly do not know how to take this. !!!!! Seems chalk and cheese to me. No correlation
The thing that doesn’t translate well from Australian to US culture, is that Australians use grim humour to make a serious point. It’s meant to be offensive. OP is saying, “Get your priorities straight!” Those of us from Australia who read, also know that the vast majority of people in the US want stricter gun laws but, as someone else said here, the will of the people is overridden by the green of the gun lobby’s money. You have a corrupt political system, which most of you don’t need to be told about, as you’re well aware.
Load More Replies...
Okay. What action has my 6 year old taken that her anti-gun, pro-reform, liberal mother needs to be "held responsible for"? Do tell....
Load More Replies... 
Because a fully armed cop can't stop them but we're gonna go ahead and give guns to people who are in charge of kids and somehow HOPE that it is in a place where the students can't get to it, but a teacher, who is just as terrified as any kid there, can just grab it and easily defend them? THEY DO NOT GET PAID ENOUGH TO BE A CLASSROOM'S SOLE DEFENSE! They don't get paid enough to teach kids at all, but they do. Arming them and saying "put your life and limb on the line because this country is too damn GREEDY to actually protect the kids they are going to force countless women to have now" is CERTAINLY NOT in their job descriptions! I can't believe people truly think this is the solution.
Load More Replies... Tell me you’re kidding. 3 million defensive gun uses a year and you think that makes the case that guns are needed in your society? If your statistic is true, that’s a tragedy in itself.
Load More Replies...
How many people have to tell you before you realize you're a f*****g idiot?
Load More Replies...Because God Told Me To
Witty comebacks can not be planned. They are made in the moment. In a heated argument, timing is everything and that means your answer must be as fast as the words that surprised you. But somewhat counterintuitively, the key to coming up with a winning retort is to hone your listening skills.
According to Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, people think faster than others speak, giving the listener "extra time" to compose an answer, even while they give the appearance of still listening to what the other person is saying.
Consider this: how many times have you been on a conference call and already had an idea to share, an answer to a question or a solution to a problem before the person on the line has even finished his sentence? The same listening skills and thought processes apply when a conversation turns sour and you need to defend yourself.
What Makes Fetal Heartbeat So Special?
Yeah Homie
If two kids are playing and one has a stick( knowing sticks have the ability to be dangerous), don't you take the stick. If you give them both sticks, something bad will happen. Same with guns
A 16 Year Old Takes Her Shot And Politely Dispatches Her Belittling Elders
Preach sister. That's the sanest thing I've heard all day. Good for you
The question is how to refocus that extra time you have while you're listening.
"Most of us don't listen to the whole message, we are just waiting to make our own points. There is no magic bullet to getting better at listening besides practice," Paul, who teaches improvisation theatre techniques, told the BBC.
One strategy to perfect your listening skills is through a simple game of one-word volleyball, where two people build a story by rapidly taking turns to add a word to what the other said immediately before. The game forces you to listen actively and respond spontaneously.
First Knees, Then Ankles
Oh No! Abort, Ab- Oh Wait
Nope, Not Benny Boy
Rumoured to be a doctor? Wow how to demean someone in one passive aggressive sentence. What an a*s.
Fatality, Fatality
I'm a man, and I've loved fruity drinks since 1997. Since when has fruit been a problem?
"The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul explained.
In the case of snide remarks, if you know your colleague has a tendency to make them, train your brain to listen to his or her words carefully and be prepared to quickly defuse the situation. "You take away the control factor," she said.
Yes, Well, You See, I'm Never Wrong
In that case we can take care of those pro lifers* loads water gun of grape juice* since none of them are civil
So Simple
No, No. He's Got A Point
Dumbass. Couldn't Think Of Anything Wittier
If a colleague tells you, "Oh that’s real smart," Paul says she might try responding with this: "Thanks. I don't always receive praise for my intelligence."
Or "That’s the best you can do?" But you can also try: "I'm afraid so. Where do we go from here?"
Don't Be That Guy
Greatest Country In The World!
In parts of Africa we have harmattan. In the US you have " thousand are killed by a reckless government who is more like a corporation than a government" season. I'll take chapped lips over bullets in geometry any day
I Know, It's Absolutely Bonkers
Preacher Speaking God's Word
Ugh, I'm honestly so tired of these nutters coming in here and shoving their religion in our faces.
Another idea is to try and forget your pride and raise the status of the other person. "Status" used in this sense comes from the rules of improvisation theatre, where you have to make your stage partner look good.
Let's say a manager or colleague takes a swipe at you repeatedly. Paul suggests the "status move," which is best conveyed in tone of voice.
They Always Forget About That Part
More humans to work multi jobs for less than minimum wage and live in misery without healthcare paid for. Maybe bring back child labour and really stop the rot of human rights. Next on the list stop women having property rights. In for a penny etc.
Armadillos Are Funny Looking Animals
You don't have to be part of the people to want rights for them, you selfish clodhopper
They Should Know How To Survive Without One Person
Guilting people into staying at work? Tsk tsk, I expected better, capitalism
Louder With Dumbass
"You could respond to 'Would you suggest something better?' with 'Well, I see you've got some great ideas already, but I think we could perhaps make the whole thing work even better,'" said Paul.
"Of course, with the wrong tone, they would all come out nasty. It's not really about the text, so much as it is the tone."
Peta Being Peta
She Works At Mcdonalds
The Hunger Games was meant to inspire us...so let's let it. The elites must pay...us for our efforts
Economics Are Hard
Minimum wage won't cause inflation. Capitalist greed causes inflation. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk
I Think He Just Did
There’s something to be said for killing someone with kindness and often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate, and most importantly, positive.
According to Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant who once worked with a condescending manager, when banter turns toxic, it kills all ideas in the office. Even worse, it leaves a negative drag on other people's energy and tears teams apart.
She Literally Wrote A Whole Song About It
Everyone should be allowed to wear whatever they want whenever they want but the world is judgemental and so they criticise people just because of their clothing. People reading this, know that your body is your choice and you can wear whatever you want anytime. Feel free to express yourself, but please never judge people just because of their clothing.
Wendy's Being Wholesome Is Rather Unexpected
That's Because Australia Isn't Real
The Bible is actually dated back to the HUMAN THAT WROTE IT. Moron, I tell thee!!
Her Go To Work A**
Maybe you should stop taking photos of this poor woman doing her job. What a pervert.
When a negative comment is made in a work setting — where, hopefully, everyone wants to see projects succeed and keep their jobs — those comments usually come from a place of insecurity.
For example, a colleague may be unsure how to approach a particular task — he may believe that throwing the attention back to somebody else with a negative retort will remove the focus from his (real or perceived) ineptitude.
Weird Al Yankovic Destroys Kid Rock’s New Music Video
Got Hit With The "Come See Me After Class"
Science teachers need awards for how many of these morons they can educate
Completely And Totally Unnecessary
People who only consider their own survival from illness are both selfish and stupid. The point of vaccination is never for one specific individual to die or survive but to make sure a greater number total survives (and then there's all the people who won't have to live with whatever other issues the diseases might leave behind, like infertility, blindness, chronic fatigue and so on).
Millennials Are Ruining Population Stability
Positive comments are generally a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and negative interactions quickly cease. If a colleague says, "this project is going nowhere fast," you could say, "at least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction."
In fact, according to Raffy, positive witty comments build trust among colleagues, bosses, and subordinates, and they can turn a formerly harsh environment into an accepting one, where everyone’s opinion matters.
How Do Pronouns Work
Correlation ≠ Causation
No Statute Of Limitations On Murder
I'm just waiting for these pro lifers to have a loved one with a incompetent womb and no way to survive a pregnancy and see how they handle it
Don't Tag The Person You're Lying About
Nothing burns more than the person you talked about actually confirming its not true
Negative comments, however, do the opposite. "They increase tension, make a person feel excluded or inferior, and as though they are not in the 'in group' which is in the know," she pointed out.
Raffy recommends trying to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation," without making the antagonist into the villain. It's much better to turn them into the "victim" of the absurd circumstances instead.
Well Yeah, The Whole Thing Was Crap To Begin With
As someone who got in trouble in 7th grade after a boy followed her into the bathroom because I was "annoying" him with my bubble necklace (he kicked me, in the girls' bathroom, but he was a good boy and that couldn't have been his fault) I find it very depressing that this is still where we are. And incidentally, I think any trans ladies I've shared a bathroom with would've helped me kick his a*s.
Languages Are Fun!
Math, Not Even Once
The Single Most British Murder I've Ever Seen
"The best retorts speakthe truth — when a person calls something that the other people didn't see," Paul said. "That's generally what makes us laugh."
And usually, that's the end goal of a witty comeback — to get people to laugh. A shared laugh is a great way to reduce tension. Of course, the "rules" for online banter are a bit different and you generally have more time to work with, but most of these principles still apply.
“Owning The Libs”
Who do you think want your shiny, eco friendly, no need for oil or oil companies car
Seriously? Ireland?!
Win-Win Situation
How pathetic. Just stop putting the rest of us in danger with your antivax b******t, ok??
Meet My Friend, Terry
Lemon Squeezy!
It is a common thing for wealthy people to believe poor people "just don't want to work". If you're the sort of person who might feel bad that you have eight cars and four houses while some people are struggling to feed their children, this helps you feel better about it without actually having to acknowledge that you got lucky and other people didn't.
God Has Nothing To Do With It
You Do You
Facts Aren't As Important As Your Narrative
Even if she was Egyptian, she still wouldn't be black, she would be tan. Americans need to understand that not all Africans are black and not all black people are African Americans.
Bro Hit Him With The Receipt
Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
Load More Replies...
As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
Load More Replies...
I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
Load More Replies... As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
Load More Replies... I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
