You get into an argument with someone, the two of you are going at each other back and forth, and they get you so riled up that you suddenly can't think of a good comeback. Until you're taking a shower two years later.
There's actually a French term for this called l'esprit de l'escalier. It describes the feeling you get when you come up with the perfect reply after the fact.
We've all been there. It's devastating.
So let's take a moment and pay our respects to the people who can, in fact, deliver the goods on the spot. Taken from the appropriately titled subreddit r/MurderedByWords, here are some of the best ways to end a disagreement.
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Australians Are Easily Offended
Because God Told Me To
Witty comebacks can not be planned. They are made in the moment. In a heated argument, timing is everything and that means your answer must be as fast as the words that surprised you. But somewhat counterintuitively, the key to coming up with a winning retort is to hone your listening skills.
According to Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, people think faster than others speak, giving the listener "extra time" to compose an answer, even while they give the appearance of still listening to what the other person is saying.
Consider this: how many times have you been on a conference call and already had an idea to share, an answer to a question or a solution to a problem before the person on the line has even finished his sentence? The same listening skills and thought processes apply when a conversation turns sour and you need to defend yourself.
What Makes Fetal Heartbeat So Special?
Yeah Homie
If two kids are playing and one has a stick( knowing sticks have the ability to be dangerous), don't you take the stick. If you give them both sticks, something bad will happen. Same with guns
A 16 Year Old Takes Her Shot And Politely Dispatches Her Belittling Elders
Preach sister. That's the sanest thing I've heard all day. Good for you
The question is how to refocus that extra time you have while you're listening.
"Most of us don't listen to the whole message, we are just waiting to make our own points. There is no magic bullet to getting better at listening besides practice," Paul, who teaches improvisation theatre techniques, told the BBC.
One strategy to perfect your listening skills is through a simple game of one-word volleyball, where two people build a story by rapidly taking turns to add a word to what the other said immediately before. The game forces you to listen actively and respond spontaneously.
First Knees, Then Ankles
Oh No! Abort, Ab- Oh Wait
Nope, Not Benny Boy
Rumoured to be a doctor? Wow how to demean someone in one passive aggressive sentence. What an a*s.
Fatality, Fatality
I'm a man, and I've loved fruity drinks since 1997. Since when has fruit been a problem?
"The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul explained.
In the case of snide remarks, if you know your colleague has a tendency to make them, train your brain to listen to his or her words carefully and be prepared to quickly defuse the situation. "You take away the control factor," she said.
Yes, Well, You See, I'm Never Wrong
In that case we can take care of those pro lifers* loads water gun of grape juice* since none of them are civil
So Simple
No, No. He's Got A Point
Dumbass. Couldn't Think Of Anything Wittier
If a colleague tells you, "Oh that’s real smart," Paul says she might try responding with this: "Thanks. I don't always receive praise for my intelligence."
Or "That’s the best you can do?" But you can also try: "I'm afraid so. Where do we go from here?"
Don't Be That Guy
Greatest Country In The World!
In parts of Africa we have harmattan. In the US you have " thousand are killed by a reckless government who is more like a corporation than a government" season. I'll take chapped lips over bullets in geometry any day
I Know, It's Absolutely Bonkers
Preacher Speaking God's Word
Ugh, I'm honestly so tired of these nutters coming in here and shoving their religion in our faces.
Another idea is to try and forget your pride and raise the status of the other person. "Status" used in this sense comes from the rules of improvisation theatre, where you have to make your stage partner look good.
Let's say a manager or colleague takes a swipe at you repeatedly. Paul suggests the "status move," which is best conveyed in tone of voice.
They Always Forget About That Part
More humans to work multi jobs for less than minimum wage and live in misery without healthcare paid for. Maybe bring back child labour and really stop the rot of human rights. Next on the list stop women having property rights. In for a penny etc.
Armadillos Are Funny Looking Animals
You don't have to be part of the people to want rights for them, you selfish clodhopper
They Should Know How To Survive Without One Person
Guilting people into staying at work? Tsk tsk, I expected better, capitalism
Louder With Dumbass
"You could respond to 'Would you suggest something better?' with 'Well, I see you've got some great ideas already, but I think we could perhaps make the whole thing work even better,'" said Paul.
"Of course, with the wrong tone, they would all come out nasty. It's not really about the text, so much as it is the tone."
Peta Being Peta
She Works At Mcdonalds
The Hunger Games was meant to inspire us...so let's let it. The elites must pay...us for our efforts
Economics Are Hard
Minimum wage won't cause inflation. Capitalist greed causes inflation. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk
I Think He Just Did
There’s something to be said for killing someone with kindness and often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate, and most importantly, positive.
According to Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant who once worked with a condescending manager, when banter turns toxic, it kills all ideas in the office. Even worse, it leaves a negative drag on other people's energy and tears teams apart.
She Literally Wrote A Whole Song About It
Everyone should be allowed to wear whatever they want whenever they want but the world is judgemental and so they criticise people just because of their clothing. People reading this, know that your body is your choice and you can wear whatever you want anytime. Feel free to express yourself, but please never judge people just because of their clothing.
Wendy's Being Wholesome Is Rather Unexpected
That's Because Australia Isn't Real
The Bible is actually dated back to the HUMAN THAT WROTE IT. Moron, I tell thee!!
Her Go To Work A**
Maybe you should stop taking photos of this poor woman doing her job. What a pervert.
When a negative comment is made in a work setting — where, hopefully, everyone wants to see projects succeed and keep their jobs — those comments usually come from a place of insecurity.
For example, a colleague may be unsure how to approach a particular task — he may believe that throwing the attention back to somebody else with a negative retort will remove the focus from his (real or perceived) ineptitude.
Weird Al Yankovic Destroys Kid Rock’s New Music Video
Got Hit With The "Come See Me After Class"
Science teachers need awards for how many of these morons they can educate
Completely And Totally Unnecessary
People who only consider their own survival from illness are both selfish and stupid. The point of vaccination is never for one specific individual to die or survive but to make sure a greater number total survives (and then there's all the people who won't have to live with whatever other issues the diseases might leave behind, like infertility, blindness, chronic fatigue and so on).
Millennials Are Ruining Population Stability
Positive comments are generally a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and negative interactions quickly cease. If a colleague says, "this project is going nowhere fast," you could say, "at least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction."
In fact, according to Raffy, positive witty comments build trust among colleagues, bosses, and subordinates, and they can turn a formerly harsh environment into an accepting one, where everyone’s opinion matters.
How Do Pronouns Work
Correlation ≠ Causation
No Statute Of Limitations On Murder
I'm just waiting for these pro lifers to have a loved one with a incompetent womb and no way to survive a pregnancy and see how they handle it
Don't Tag The Person You're Lying About
Nothing burns more than the person you talked about actually confirming its not true
Negative comments, however, do the opposite. "They increase tension, make a person feel excluded or inferior, and as though they are not in the 'in group' which is in the know," she pointed out.
Raffy recommends trying to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation," without making the antagonist into the villain. It's much better to turn them into the "victim" of the absurd circumstances instead.
Well Yeah, The Whole Thing Was Crap To Begin With
As someone who got in trouble in 7th grade after a boy followed her into the bathroom because I was "annoying" him with my bubble necklace (he kicked me, in the girls' bathroom, but he was a good boy and that couldn't have been his fault) I find it very depressing that this is still where we are. And incidentally, I think any trans ladies I've shared a bathroom with would've helped me kick his a*s.
Languages Are Fun!
Math, Not Even Once
The Single Most British Murder I've Ever Seen
"The best retorts speakthe truth — when a person calls something that the other people didn't see," Paul said. "That's generally what makes us laugh."
And usually, that's the end goal of a witty comeback — to get people to laugh. A shared laugh is a great way to reduce tension. Of course, the "rules" for online banter are a bit different and you generally have more time to work with, but most of these principles still apply.
“Owning The Libs”
Who do you think want your shiny, eco friendly, no need for oil or oil companies car
Seriously? Ireland?!
Win-Win Situation
How pathetic. Just stop putting the rest of us in danger with your antivax b******t, ok??
Meet My Friend, Terry
Lemon Squeezy!
It is a common thing for wealthy people to believe poor people "just don't want to work". If you're the sort of person who might feel bad that you have eight cars and four houses while some people are struggling to feed their children, this helps you feel better about it without actually having to acknowledge that you got lucky and other people didn't.
God Has Nothing To Do With It
Columbine happened in the ‘90s. Charles Whitman from the bell tower in the 1960’s …. Metal detectors installed in inner city schools from the late ‘80’s…
But you know what's new? 24 hour news media. It sounds like there are more because we hear about it more. And quicker. And then throw in "internet (in)famous" and you've got a recipe for increased cases. But sure, let's say it's "god". (I also agree with everything you said)
Load More Replies... what has God got to do with ANYTHING relating to school shootings???
I was around in the 80s and 90s, mostly listening to radicalized idiots complaining about the lack of prayer in school.
The economy was better in the eighties and nineties, except for early Reaganomics generated interest rate hikes. College tuition was still affordable without massive debt back then. Entry level jobs didn’t require experience, and many didn’t even require a college degree. Minimum wage was actually enough to rent an apartment and pay bill and groceries with, if you were frugal (I was making 25 cents over minimum on my first job, around 1979-1980, and actually did all those things). I am NOT saying those times were perfect. They most definitely were not. But we still did have a sense of moving forward instead of backwards. What I’m saying is some parts, like gay bashing and attempts of both minorities and women to break through the glass ceiling, were worse than now and other parts, like rent and housing prices and jobs, were somewhat better than now.
It's not their fault entirely. When your state (Texas) dumbs down public education, and you're bombarded with right wing and evangelical propaganda every day, it's difficult to be a thoughtful, self-aware person. You just regurgitate the b******t you've been taught.
No one ever said you couldn't pray privately to whatever deity you choose.
I went to school in the 70's and 80's and we didn't have school shootings or God in schools. It was more difficult to get a gun back then. End of story.
And now we have....social media which spreads news faster than the actual news, and especially glorifies tragedy. I'm not saying its God or not God, I am saying when the death of a student or teacher is killed, or the person who did it is ID'd, we sensationalize them. This sometimes spawns copycat actions. It's a thing.
I Don't Like Monday's by the Boomtown Rats was released in 1979 - just sayin'
Prayer in school was banned back in the 1960s, long before the 80s and 90s. So that wasn't it, was it? Or did you attend so rarely that you didn't notice?
I find it disgusting after Uvalde, where 21 people were dead to say " We had God in our schools and that's why we don't have school shootings in the '80s and '90s. " Okay but maybe Robb Elementary School was religious and still 21 people were murdered. Maybe Sandy Hook was religious 25 people were still murdered. Maybe Columbine was religious but 15 people were still murdered. God has nothing to do with it you wet sock of cat vomit.
You remember that song “ I don’t like Mondays “ ? That was about a school shooting back in 1979 so it’s B******t that there were no school shootings “ back in my day”
We most certainly did not have prayer in public schools in the 80s.
We also had recess, art, gym, and playgrounds, not cement jail cells like schools nowadays are. The arts and sciences were better funded.
God in our schools? Damn, I wish I had sat near him! I would have gotten better grades! I bet he was cool with the chicks too!
How do you know that? Was he actually wandering the halls and you could point and say “ Look! There’s God! He’s in our school.”. Don’t think so.
Oh you mean the god that wanted hundreds of thousands of innocent people burned alive? The god that continuously tortured and murdered anyone with a different world view or threatened the churches power? The god that murdered every human on the planet except one family by drowning them like rats? The god that needs the rainbow as a reminder not to commit genocide again and had all the first born children of an entire country murdered in just one night? You mean that god? You must, since you sure don’t have any other - that is after all the FIRST commandment; as in before the rule against killing people. Kiss my aśs.
I'm no we didn't have good in our schools and yes, we had school shootings.
You are a fool, there have been shootings in every decade in the US since before its inception. Some of the worst have been enacted by religious bigots who felt anyone not of "Their" particular brand of "Christianity" should die. People who scream about their religious freedoms being curtailed DO NOT CARE about everyone else's religious freedoms.
To be fair, information didn't travel as fast, so even if you didn't hear of things, that doesn't mean nothing happened
There were school shootings in the 80's and 90's though...and the 70's...and the 60's and probably before that. The worst school massacre in U.S. history was in the 1920's when a dude blew up a school and killed 45 people and wounded 58 others. I do believe in God but I believe in a loving God even with all the horror in the world. Maybe that's just what happens when you go around giving humans free will. What I don't believe in is a God that says, "Those kids didn't say their prayers? Time to send in the shooters."
Ummmmmm, NO, God was NOT permitted in public schools in the 80s & 90s - check out the history of Madelyn (sp?) Murray O'Hare
I went school in the 80's and we had school shootings, mostly crew on crew stuff. Oh and as far as your reference to the 90's... Ever hear of Columbine you WOHS Porkboy!
Can any Texans from that era verify whether or not assault weapons were available “on every corner”? I feel like even in the 80’s, Texas is Texas. Has it gotten more Texas since then? Genuinely curious.
i mean, also as someone who was in school in tx in the 90s.... no we didn't
We did not have God in our schools, it was very clearly not allowed because it's in the Constitution that no one shall force their religion upon anyone.
Never heard of the U Texas at Austin shootings- early 60's? This is not a "new-fangeled" thing.
They must mean the 1880’s & 1890’s. I think gang shootings in school in the 1980’s required the use of firearms. just sayin’
You also didn't hear of shootings because back then teachers had a say so in their classrooms and could handle problems one on one with the students. Now, they aren't allowed to raise a voice or say "no" to a student for fear of being sued by over-reaching parents. They also had the ability to paddle students in school. I remember being in the 4th grade and seeing a kid that was spanked with a wooden paddle for punching a girl. The kid never laid a hand on anyone else after that. Twenty years later when my MIL was teaching, a guy punched a girl, he was sent to the principal's office only to be sent back to the classroom because there was no one in his family willing to come pick him up.
There's been school shootings in the USA since 1764. There were at least 14 separate school shootings in the 80's alone. And more than 276 deaths from a minimum of 15 school shootings in the 90's.
Mmm, no. It's not. It's because we live in a gun culture and have a corrupt government who refuses to do anything to make the country a better place.
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You Do You
Facts Aren't As Important As Your Narrative
Even if she was Egyptian, she still wouldn't be black, she would be tan. Americans need to understand that not all Africans are black and not all black people are African Americans.
Bro Hit Him With The Receipt
Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
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As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
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I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
Load More Replies... As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
Load More Replies... I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
