You get into an argument with someone, the two of you are going at each other back and forth, and they get you so riled up that you suddenly can't think of a good comeback. Until you're taking a shower two years later.
There's actually a French term for this called l'esprit de l'escalier. It describes the feeling you get when you come up with the perfect reply after the fact.
We've all been there. It's devastating.
So let's take a moment and pay our respects to the people who can, in fact, deliver the goods on the spot. Taken from the appropriately titled subreddit r/MurderedByWords, here are some of the best ways to end a disagreement.
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Australians Are Easily Offended
Because God Told Me To
Witty comebacks can not be planned. They are made in the moment. In a heated argument, timing is everything and that means your answer must be as fast as the words that surprised you. But somewhat counterintuitively, the key to coming up with a winning retort is to hone your listening skills.
According to Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, people think faster than others speak, giving the listener "extra time" to compose an answer, even while they give the appearance of still listening to what the other person is saying.
Consider this: how many times have you been on a conference call and already had an idea to share, an answer to a question or a solution to a problem before the person on the line has even finished his sentence? The same listening skills and thought processes apply when a conversation turns sour and you need to defend yourself.
What Makes Fetal Heartbeat So Special?
Yeah Homie
If two kids are playing and one has a stick( knowing sticks have the ability to be dangerous), don't you take the stick. If you give them both sticks, something bad will happen. Same with guns
A 16 Year Old Takes Her Shot And Politely Dispatches Her Belittling Elders
Preach sister. That's the sanest thing I've heard all day. Good for you
The question is how to refocus that extra time you have while you're listening.
"Most of us don't listen to the whole message, we are just waiting to make our own points. There is no magic bullet to getting better at listening besides practice," Paul, who teaches improvisation theatre techniques, told the BBC.
One strategy to perfect your listening skills is through a simple game of one-word volleyball, where two people build a story by rapidly taking turns to add a word to what the other said immediately before. The game forces you to listen actively and respond spontaneously.
First Knees, Then Ankles
Oh No! Abort, Ab- Oh Wait
Nope, Not Benny Boy
Rumoured to be a doctor? Wow how to demean someone in one passive aggressive sentence. What an a*s.
Fatality, Fatality
I'm a man, and I've loved fruity drinks since 1997. Since when has fruit been a problem?
"The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul explained.
In the case of snide remarks, if you know your colleague has a tendency to make them, train your brain to listen to his or her words carefully and be prepared to quickly defuse the situation. "You take away the control factor," she said.
Yes, Well, You See, I'm Never Wrong
In that case we can take care of those pro lifers* loads water gun of grape juice* since none of them are civil
So Simple
No, No. He's Got A Point
Dumbass. Couldn't Think Of Anything Wittier
If a colleague tells you, "Oh that’s real smart," Paul says she might try responding with this: "Thanks. I don't always receive praise for my intelligence."
Or "That’s the best you can do?" But you can also try: "I'm afraid so. Where do we go from here?"
Don't Be That Guy
Greatest Country In The World!
In parts of Africa we have harmattan. In the US you have " thousand are killed by a reckless government who is more like a corporation than a government" season. I'll take chapped lips over bullets in geometry any day
I Know, It's Absolutely Bonkers
Preacher Speaking God's Word
Ugh, I'm honestly so tired of these nutters coming in here and shoving their religion in our faces.
Yeah, but now the "nutters" are SCOTUS... That is a bit of a problem right there...
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Nor is abortion infanticide according to the Bible. You're neither alive nor ensouled until you take your first breath, the breath of life given you by God. See Genesis, Job, and Ezekiel, for starters. (Why do atheists know the Bible better than most people who claim to be Christian? Because you can't reject a concept until you're familiar with it.)
Always. Whenever these zealots want to 'back' something with the Bible, it's ALWAYS going to be taken WILDLY out of context.
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When you quote the Bible for your own twisted purpose of controlling women without actually reading the Bible first
Here is psalm 137:9 " Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks." But yeah, god definitely is pro life Susan. Also, pro-lifers are 'against euthanasia', but i'm pretty sure i saw you putting down your dog after it got hit by a truck Deborah.
There are also rules about how to punish a person who kills a person by accident vs rules about punishing a person who hurts a pregnant woman by accident and causes her to abort - meaning that the bible clearly doesn't consider a fetus the same as a fully grown human being.
The killings I didn't check (and can actually believe; Old Testament is brutal like that), but the "instructions for abortion" are instructions for how to handle a situation when a man suspects his wife cheated on him. The "abortion" is when the woman drinks water with some dirt during a session with a priest, and if she cheated on her husband, it will show by a way of her losing her pregnancy. It's definitely not a generic abortion tactic.
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You can make the Bible defend or denounce just about any notion on earth, frankly. Especially when the interpretation is so dependent on the various translations.
And lest we not forget the almost complete annihilation of ALL of humanity as we know it. God: " Hey Noah, you might want to grab the fam & a handful of animals, 'cuz sh*t's about to get real!"
Bible Horrible book of suggestions. Murder and accusation. All while telling people "if you dont you'll spend eternity in Hell" yea,, no thanks...
All sorts of happy children stories in that book. Lot who had kiddies with his daughters. A holy man. David who sent his commander to be killed so he could have his wife. A holy man. Abraham who booted out the slave and his kid into the desert after his wife finally had one. A holy man. and so on.
Didn't God command Abraham to kill Isaac and Abraham was like, "sux, but ok"?
It doesn't say anything about computers either, yet you're typing your ignorant drivel on the internet.
The bible doesn't condemn abortion. The Republican party came up with the idea of using abortion as a wedge issue to keep their dwindling voter base in the 70s, and it certainly worked.
The Bible says a person who kills an unborn should be held accountable just as anyone who killed an adult. You can't comment on what you haven't read.
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Alright so... aside from the actual discussion here... I don't want to seem stupid for disagreeing with a literal pastor about the Bible, but I just looked up Numbers 5:11-31, and it's about putting a curse on unfaithful wives? So that they can't have kids? Maybe my version is just worded differently but it doesn't make sense to me.
Ah yes the religion that's constantly on steroids to spread itself. Why not take Buddhism and go to wonderful and peaceful nirvana
And the Bible says love your neighbor too. How is it loving to make women and children suffering with dangerous pregnancies?
I love when these claims about what the Bible does and doesn't say from people that have never read it
To anyone who reads this look up his points in the King James Version and see they are all invalid points and he has a special place in hell for being a false prophet
The pastor is wrong just go read his so called points and realize how f*****g stupid he is so stop saying atheist know the Bible better then Christians cause your wrong. Also Christianity doesn't have a whole f*****g month dedicated to it like pride month so who is really forcing beliefs.
Bible thumper conservatives only quote the parts in the bible that favor theor argument. Which is why you should never listen to them. You don't get to pick and choose what you want to follow in the bible. Isn't that undermining God's word? Doesn't seem very Christian of you.
Hard to want to support a guy who made us in his image supposedly, supposedly turned his back on his original kids, making one of them angry enough to go into his dad's special little garden and trick his special pet project into eating a piece of fruit he left out in the open. After giving humanity free choice btw, then let his pissed off kid trick all of humanity into suffering forever and this pissed off kid gets to snatch souls away from people, the world burns, people try to legally enslave one another and yet.. Nothing. God has a mullet and wears a trucker cap. Absolute deadbeat.
Clearly this SOB is no pastor. The Numbers 5 passage actually describes a trial by ordeal to see if a woman is guilty of adultery (cheating).
They don't need the Bible to know what their imaginary skygod thinks, they hear it as voices in their head. What they really need is one or more of these: risperidone (Risperdal), quetiapine (Seroquel), olanzapine (Zyprexa), ziprasidone (Zeldox), paliperidone (Invega), aripiprazole (Abilify) and clozapine (Clozaril).
Well, the Bible clearly states it is forbidden to eat crustaceans, or lizard, snakes.
Songs is the translation for Psalms. "The Psalms (from Greek psalmos “song”) are poems and hymns" - taken from Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Psalms
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Once in a while I get mean like really pissing them off mean when they do this Word of God thing with me. First I ask them where they hear it. It doesn't matter what they reply, I would insist I said no such thing since I'm my own God. If done right the nutcase go totally blank, like Windows performed an illegal operation.
Why? So we'd all be under the thumb of churches since they were the only ones with the books and told people just the parts they deemed usefull.
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Then why do Evangelicals constantly bring up old testament verses and just occasionally new testament?
Load More Replies...Another idea is to try and forget your pride and raise the status of the other person. "Status" used in this sense comes from the rules of improvisation theatre, where you have to make your stage partner look good.
Let's say a manager or colleague takes a swipe at you repeatedly. Paul suggests the "status move," which is best conveyed in tone of voice.
They Always Forget About That Part
More humans to work multi jobs for less than minimum wage and live in misery without healthcare paid for. Maybe bring back child labour and really stop the rot of human rights. Next on the list stop women having property rights. In for a penny etc.
Armadillos Are Funny Looking Animals
You don't have to be part of the people to want rights for them, you selfish clodhopper
They Should Know How To Survive Without One Person
Guilting people into staying at work? Tsk tsk, I expected better, capitalism
Louder With Dumbass
"You could respond to 'Would you suggest something better?' with 'Well, I see you've got some great ideas already, but I think we could perhaps make the whole thing work even better,'" said Paul.
"Of course, with the wrong tone, they would all come out nasty. It's not really about the text, so much as it is the tone."
Peta Being Peta
She Works At Mcdonalds
The Hunger Games was meant to inspire us...so let's let it. The elites must pay...us for our efforts
Economics Are Hard
Minimum wage won't cause inflation. Capitalist greed causes inflation. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk
I Think He Just Did
There’s something to be said for killing someone with kindness and often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate, and most importantly, positive.
According to Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant who once worked with a condescending manager, when banter turns toxic, it kills all ideas in the office. Even worse, it leaves a negative drag on other people's energy and tears teams apart.
She Literally Wrote A Whole Song About It
Everyone should be allowed to wear whatever they want whenever they want but the world is judgemental and so they criticise people just because of their clothing. People reading this, know that your body is your choice and you can wear whatever you want anytime. Feel free to express yourself, but please never judge people just because of their clothing.
Wendy's Being Wholesome Is Rather Unexpected
That's Because Australia Isn't Real
The Bible is actually dated back to the HUMAN THAT WROTE IT. Moron, I tell thee!!
Her Go To Work A**
Maybe you should stop taking photos of this poor woman doing her job. What a pervert.
When a negative comment is made in a work setting — where, hopefully, everyone wants to see projects succeed and keep their jobs — those comments usually come from a place of insecurity.
For example, a colleague may be unsure how to approach a particular task — he may believe that throwing the attention back to somebody else with a negative retort will remove the focus from his (real or perceived) ineptitude.
Weird Al Yankovic Destroys Kid Rock’s New Music Video
Got Hit With The "Come See Me After Class"
Science teachers need awards for how many of these morons they can educate
Completely And Totally Unnecessary
People who only consider their own survival from illness are both selfish and stupid. The point of vaccination is never for one specific individual to die or survive but to make sure a greater number total survives (and then there's all the people who won't have to live with whatever other issues the diseases might leave behind, like infertility, blindness, chronic fatigue and so on).
Millennials Are Ruining Population Stability
Positive comments are generally a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and negative interactions quickly cease. If a colleague says, "this project is going nowhere fast," you could say, "at least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction."
In fact, according to Raffy, positive witty comments build trust among colleagues, bosses, and subordinates, and they can turn a formerly harsh environment into an accepting one, where everyone’s opinion matters.
How Do Pronouns Work
Correlation ≠ Causation
No Statute Of Limitations On Murder
I'm just waiting for these pro lifers to have a loved one with a incompetent womb and no way to survive a pregnancy and see how they handle it
Don't Tag The Person You're Lying About
Nothing burns more than the person you talked about actually confirming its not true
Negative comments, however, do the opposite. "They increase tension, make a person feel excluded or inferior, and as though they are not in the 'in group' which is in the know," she pointed out.
Raffy recommends trying to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation," without making the antagonist into the villain. It's much better to turn them into the "victim" of the absurd circumstances instead.
Well Yeah, The Whole Thing Was Crap To Begin With
As someone who got in trouble in 7th grade after a boy followed her into the bathroom because I was "annoying" him with my bubble necklace (he kicked me, in the girls' bathroom, but he was a good boy and that couldn't have been his fault) I find it very depressing that this is still where we are. And incidentally, I think any trans ladies I've shared a bathroom with would've helped me kick his a*s.
Languages Are Fun!
Math, Not Even Once
The Single Most British Murder I've Ever Seen
"The best retorts speakthe truth — when a person calls something that the other people didn't see," Paul said. "That's generally what makes us laugh."
And usually, that's the end goal of a witty comeback — to get people to laugh. A shared laugh is a great way to reduce tension. Of course, the "rules" for online banter are a bit different and you generally have more time to work with, but most of these principles still apply.
“Owning The Libs”
Who do you think want your shiny, eco friendly, no need for oil or oil companies car
Seriously? Ireland?!
Win-Win Situation
How pathetic. Just stop putting the rest of us in danger with your antivax b******t, ok??
Meet My Friend, Terry
Lemon Squeezy!
It is a common thing for wealthy people to believe poor people "just don't want to work". If you're the sort of person who might feel bad that you have eight cars and four houses while some people are struggling to feed their children, this helps you feel better about it without actually having to acknowledge that you got lucky and other people didn't.
God Has Nothing To Do With It
You Do You
Facts Aren't As Important As Your Narrative
Even if she was Egyptian, she still wouldn't be black, she would be tan. Americans need to understand that not all Africans are black and not all black people are African Americans.
Bro Hit Him With The Receipt
Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
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As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
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I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
Load More Replies... As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
Load More Replies... I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
