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The dreaded ex. Most of us have got them. There are millions of occasions when the situation is resolved with an amicable, mature ceasefire that can even blossom into a beautiful friendship. Sadly, there are just as many occasions when the asshole can frankly just drop dead for all you care, together with his savage text fails.

In these times of instant messaging and easy contact at the touch of your fingertips, it can be just too tempting for the eschewed ex to reach out and test the waters. An uncalculated text from your ex can end up causing an explosion of emotions with WW III proportions. Bored Panda had compiled a list of times when people came up with the perfect response to these unwanted advances, some of them are just deliciously devilish and undoubtedly funny texts.

Scroll down to check out the list of ex-texts and funny messages, and may the force be with you while dealing with your senseless ex.

#1

Worse Than A B*tch

Worse Than A B*tch

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#3

Slowly Suffocating

Slowly Suffocating

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WhiteFox
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH THAT WAS SO PERFECT 👌

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#7

Savage Burn

Savage Burn

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Kjorn
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

traduction: i date other people for one year and now that i'm single again, i can't stand it. So i texting you again so we can got back together.

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#9

It Reminds Me Of You

It Reminds Me Of You

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Neeraj Jha
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's not much of a bothering, I would like to have that Pizza Place's number.

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blugeagua
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What’s funny about it is that people don’t seem to realize for some reason is that penis’s can also smell and taste awful. Everyone needs to keep their genitals washed.

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Ed Bakker
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WAIT WHAT - TELL US THE PIZZA COMPANY AND NUMBER!!! (really, I need this!)

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Oscar
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm having trouble understanding this, could someone explain it please?

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Susan Gardner
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her p*ssy smells like fish and he comes too fast when they have sex. How's that lol MEOW

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Dan Mar
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

where did you order? never got the pizza that fast LOL

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endelbendel
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both are sexual innuendos. Tells of a shallow relationship.

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Hadley Garrison
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like that the time above the texts was 4:04. !ex-partner.exe has stopped working!

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Slosh
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her vag!na smells like fish and he can only last 20 seconds in bed (which is obviously an exaggeration, nobody's that bad.)

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Grace Jacob
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

EFFECTIVE AND POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER AND LOTTERY SPELL 2022 igechispellhome@gmail.com OR WHATSAPP HIM :+2347085558689 I Want to use this great time to thank DR igechi for helping me reunite my broken relationship, i never believed on spell or magic till a friend of mine introduce DR igechi website and i check the website and read all his service and contacted him on his email : igechispellhome@gmail.com and ask him for help to help me bring back my lover who left me for another girl 6 months ago and a lottery winning spell and told me never to worry that he will help me with his powerful spell and he told me the procedure to follow and i did as he said after 2 days my boyfriend came back to me begging me to forgive him that everything he did to me was not his faul that he was under a spell that i should accept him back as my boyfriend and this was all i hatttve been waiting for. if you need any spell from him contact dr igechi or igechispellhome@gmail.com or contact him on WHATSAPP

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Grant Thomas
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, I want to complement this site administrator for creating this platform for us to express our feelings. It was like a dream come true,i never believed i and my spouse could be together again, After 3 years of divorce God still use a great man called Priest Tokubo to heal my marriage again, i have been in hell all alone with the kids, so yesterday i was browsing on the internet when i saw a testimony of a lady how the same Godly man helped her bring back her ex so i copied the email and explained everything to man, he assured me everything will be fine i was thinking maybe he is talking about some other time to my surprise 24 hours after he told me my husband will contact me soon, to my greatest surprise my husband came back home just the way the priest said it, i was shocked even till now, my friends words are not enough to describe what this priest has done for me. i understand so many people reading this testimony are in a similar problem like this , my advice is for you to co

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#19

No Second Chance Here

No Second Chance Here

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#20

Cheating Accidentally

Cheating Accidentally

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Virgil Blue
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Accident? Like "I tripped and fell and accidentally poked my dong into her. Then I had to move around vigorously to escape." Just replace some words if the other one cheated.

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#22

Fact Check

Fact Check

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Lucida
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husbands ex did that when he and I started dating. She: "Oh, I love your beautiful big blue eyes" Him: "My eyes are green..." Hahaha! Stupid girl!

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#30

Hard Pass

Hard Pass

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#31

Feelings For You

Feelings For You

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#34

Text From Ex

Text From Ex

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sh
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't pizza everyone's thing? Almost like saying, "I heard someone say oxygen today; made me think of the air we used to breathe together."

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#37

Text From Ex

Text From Ex

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#40

Punch In The Face

Punch In The Face

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Echo
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jeez the down votes are kind of harsh on this reply. You just assume he is a looser I guess?

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#48

Text From Ex

Text From Ex

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#54

Hint Hint

Hint Hint

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#61

Not Keeping Tabs Here

Not Keeping Tabs Here

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#70

Text From Ex

Text From Ex

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That Fat Mouse
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would he/she be asking for a ring size, if they are broken up? Just asking.

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#72

I Know

I Know

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Zenozenobee
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Oh, baby, give me one more chance To show you that I love you Won't you please let me Back in your heart...."

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#74

Should've Kept It To Yourself

Should've Kept It To Yourself

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Santino Aznar
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would you dirty those bowls and dishes? How can you bring yourself to do that? That's just nasty!

#76

God Bless

God Bless

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Pi...
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was a semi-genuine attempt at getting her back... well played.

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#77

Text From Ex

Text From Ex

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Neb
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would understand if that was sunglasses, but this would be unacceptable (unless they only want to threaten a bit). Yet knowing some of the eyeglasses prices... nop, a bad idea

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#78

Sorting Things Out

Sorting Things Out

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Krusty Shakelford
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sick of people demanding their 'time' back. You made the choice to spend time with someone. You get what you pay for. No refunds.

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#82

Text From Ex

Text From Ex

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#86

Text From Ex

Text From Ex

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#87

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