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They say Scotland is a land of immeasurable beauty, inspiring history, and immense wit. To get a glimpse of the first two, you can watch Braveheart. But to experience the third, you can simply go on Twitter (now X)—some people even say Scottish Twitter is arguably the nation’s finest export. We know you think it’s scotch, but scroll through this list, and then we’ll talk.

The subreddit named Scottish People Twitter has been making headlines online since its creation in 2015. It started by collecting tweets like “maw bought aldi shower gel that smells like fairy liquid so I’ve been cutting about all day smelling like a f**ing plate” and “Can live wi paying 5p for one but am sick of having to f**in light the beacons of Gondor to summon someone anytime I want a bag in Asda” and quickly grew into a 700K-member community, enjoying a good laugh when they see one.

#1

Clever Cat

Funny Scottish tweet about cats

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#3

Mask Up, Ya Bams

Funny Scottish tweet about not wearing a mask

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Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same maskless moron in the queue in the US, security guards often say naught!

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Bored Panda spoke with Reddit user Veloglasgow, one of the moderators of r/ScottishPeopleTwitter, to get a better understanding of the content on the subreddit. “Scots generally have a dark, dry, and direct sense of humor,” they said. “Observational comedy where someone points out something that everyone accepts as day-to-day reality but which would be absurd to an outside observer also goes down well.”

#4

Our Currency Is The Best!

Funny Scottish tweet about currency

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Veloglasgow said that posts where people are sarcastically replying to other tweets are probably most representative of real-world Scottish humor.

“Most posts that make it through the mod queue are representative. Any posts that use ‘fooken’ or ‘fecking’ for fu*ken/fu*king are generally removed as no Scot hears how we say those words as that way phonetically,” the moderator explained.

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Examining the many social and cultural features of Scottish Twitter, journalist Eve Livingston said it has provided a medium for the written Scots language to evolve in a way that wasn’t possible before the advent of social media.

“Scots was the national language of a country that doesn’t exist anymore,” writer and presenter Alistair Heather, who writes a Scots column in Scotland’s The National newspaper, explained. ​“As Scotland was amalgamated into Great Britain, Scots fell away from being a national language because it didn’t have a nation anymore.”

Heather said that until relatively recently, Scottish opinion-formers in news and media were [mostly] based in England and not plugged into working-class or rural Scotland at all, so they didn’t see Scots language as a contemporary issue in Scotland.

“[But] it’s gaining a lot of legitimacy and validity through social media as a private expression [while] finding a public sphere.”

#10

What Windows?

Funny Scottish tweet about a peephole on a door

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because people put curtains up so you can't see in and in order to still look out without looking like a nosy old grandma.

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#12

Wholesome

Funny Scottish tweet about the other half

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#13

Scottish Clothes Shops

Funny Scottish tweet about a Scottish clothes store

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RELATED: Scottish People Are Enraged After Finding Out That A Large Part Of Scots Wikipedia Is Written By An American Teen Using A Fake Scottish “Accent”

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#19

Well That’s Us Screwed

Funny Scottish tweet about cats invading Scotland

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#20

Life, Eh, Finds A Way

Funny Scottish tweet about a breakfast

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#27

Yer Da Does The Washing

Funny Scottish tweet about a scary see through a window

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#30

Fair Enough

Funny Scottish tweet about voting in the election

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n i k o
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't really know Scottish politics, but this is hilarious. Like, damn, Scots don't mess around

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#33

Yer No Meant To Eat The Parts Separately

Funny Scottish tweet the condiments of Nutella

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#34

Ye Nugget

Funny Scottish tweet about immigrants

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Al Jones
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We need this sign at far more places... Like behind every American (and Australian) that doesn't have native heritage and complains about migrants.

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#35

Maccies

Funny Scottish tweet about pay for McDonald's workers

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Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely! Abusive employer. Drives me crazy the few times I've gone inside a McDonald's.

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#38

Ye Goin For A S***e Hen?

Funny Scottish tweet about living in Scotland

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Lúthien
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had somebody hammering my door screaming at me to let them in. (I didn't obviously. I still wonder what they were on),

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#41

Mad Stoater

Funny Scottish tweet a twin sibling

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe she was referring to a different look and either complimenting or making fun of him. Or is that the joke? This is too advanced humor for me.

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#42

Half Pizza Crunch Supper

Funny Scottish tweet a funny trait of Melania Trump

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Virgil Blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's from peering at the pre nuptial agreement hoping she can find a loopholexto escape.

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#43

Intimate And Sacred

Funny Scottish tweet about sex

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Sam T Godfrey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how that'll go over here in the US... It does occur when people disapprove or otherwise of the president...

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#44

A Record To Be Proud Of

Funny Scottish tweet about eating a lot of crisps

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Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Scotland are chips crisps or fries? Either way, I wonder if I’m in the top ten lol

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#47

On The Bus

Funny Scottish tweet about people talking on Coronavirus

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Paizleypie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like the Scottish throw the C-word around as much as Australians do.

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#49

Genitals!

Funny Scottish tweet about being obsessed with other people genitals

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elfin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was trying to make a point and it wasn't about hatred. She had a very tough single motherhood early on and even considered suicide. I think she's correct that we need to pay more attention to women's issues overall (though not less attention to transgender). For me most of the hate came from people calling her a hater.

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We’ve had our share of laughs with these Scottish tweets, bringing a slice of Scotland humor straight to your screen. What’s next? It’s your turn to join the fun! Show some love to the tweets you loved the most, or swing by the comment section. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon some funny Scottish tweets (now posts) yourself. Time to share them with us!

#52

At Least They Voted!

At Least They Voted!

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#53

Shame

Shame

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#54

Absolutely Out Of It

Absolutely Out Of It

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ƒιѕн
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please stop censoring the word c.u.n.t, we know what the f**k it says...

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#56

Merry Christmas Everyone

Merry Christmas Everyone

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#57

Didnae Get Far Did Ye

Didnae Get Far Did Ye

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Roxy Eastland
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can totally relate to this. Drives right up your a**e even though you're doing the speed limit, first chance they get shoot past you, and there you both are waiting at the same set of lights two minutes later. I hope it's all worth the increased risk of a stressed induced stroke, getting in an accident, and a speeding ticket.

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#58

Dexter The Dug

Dexter The Dug

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KombatBunni
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahah space slice..I’m keeping that one for the next person that annoys me :)

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#60

In Case Someone Forgot This Masterpiece

In Case Someone Forgot This Masterpiece

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Victor Botha
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤣🤣🤣 that is hysterical. Friend had an argument with some Snobby French twat and told him to "Fuckez Vous" I was in stitches.

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#61

Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish

Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish

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Roxy Eastland
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, that's the least that's deserved for an attempted genocide.

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#64

He’s Gonna Go Far

He’s Gonna Go Far

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#65

You Still There?

You Still There?

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#66

Double Scottish

Double Scottish

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Marcia Cash
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a thick Texas drawl, but going to Catholic school taught me a passable Irish accent that has fooled Dubliners more than once. Funny, people treat me like an ignorant hick when I speak Texan, but respect me when I fake Irish.

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#67

Speeding Ostrich

Speeding Ostrich

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#69

Eloquently Put

Eloquently Put

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#70

We Used To Be Accountants Really

We Used To Be Accountants Really

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#72

Best. Dad. Ever

Best. Dad. Ever

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Devon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haahahaha I'm snorting omfg... this should have made it into the 50 top lmao

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#73

Local Bouncer / Door Steward In Ma Town Making The Best Of A Bad Situation By Providing The Giggles

Local Bouncer / Door Steward In Ma Town Making The Best Of A Bad Situation By Providing The Giggles

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#74

These Flowers Are A Mystery

These Flowers Are A Mystery

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#75

Aye

Aye

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MrsPossum
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ahaha, I think stuff like this at 3am. Cheers, insomnia 😂

#76

Sounds More Like The 30!

Sounds More Like The 30!

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#77

Honesty's The Best Policy

Honesty's The Best Policy

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#79

Something Not Right About That Soap

Something Not Right About That Soap

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Pungent Sauce
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a North American, I’ve never heard soap being called a ‘tablet’, hotels don’t put soap on the beds, and when in doubt ya read the fookin’ ingredient list, eh?

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#80

All Those Hypotheticals

All Those Hypotheticals

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#81

Birds Could Prolly Swim In Lava And Be Fine

Birds Could Prolly Swim In Lava And Be Fine

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#82

Too *old* Tae Vote, That’s Yer Problem

Too *old* Tae Vote, That’s Yer Problem

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#84

Gonnae No Call Me That

Gonnae No Call Me That

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#85

Sair Heid?

Sair Heid?

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#86

Just To Be Safe...

Just To Be Safe...

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Mimi777
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a couple little homemade soap samples by the sink in our bathroom one day my boyfriend took a bite out of BOTH of them. Idk why he didn’t stop after the first one but he told me that chocolate tasted horrible and I told him it was soap.. and why would I have chocolate in the bathroom.

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#87

Nevermind X

Nevermind X

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#91

Frankie Doesn't Care

Frankie Doesn't Care

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#93

Two Faced C**ts

Two Faced C**ts

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#95

Too Right

Too Right

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#98

Exam Advice

Exam Advice

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#99

A Wee Fanny

A Wee Fanny

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#101

A Massive Lad

A Massive Lad

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CrunChewy McSandybutt
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Update: I did some research and finally found that this is hotelier David Morgan-Hewitt next to the queen. Also, this is where the "absolute unit" meme was born.

#104

Gotta Love Scottish Patter

Gotta Love Scottish Patter

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#106

Thats No Hapnin

Thats No Hapnin

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#111

Another Breed Of Spastic

Another Breed Of Spastic

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Jennifer Potter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I laughed so hard 'cause I can see my younger self doing this 😂😂😂😂

#112

I Think Frankie’s Onto Something

I Think Frankie’s Onto Something

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Giles McArdell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Kid > Dad, what was it like in the war? Me> I was born 20 years after the war. My Kid> Oh, what about the second world war then?

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#113

My Wee Angle

My Wee Angle

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#114

Papa Can You Hear Me?

Papa Can You Hear Me?

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#115

Coronavirus Arrives In Scotland

Coronavirus Arrives In Scotland

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#116

Would Be An Absolutely Class Idea To Be Fair

Would Be An Absolutely Class Idea To Be Fair

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#117

Brick That Thing

Brick That Thing

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#119

‘Hink That’s Fair Enough

‘Hink That’s Fair Enough

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#120

Outstanding Patter

Outstanding Patter

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#121

Oompa Loompa, Do-Ba-Dee-Doo

Oompa Loompa, Do-Ba-Dee-Doo

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#122

Just Subbed Tae Isis

Just Subbed Tae Isis

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#123

Scottish Schools Are Where Girls Get Pregnant And Where Boys Go To Sell Drugs (I Should Know I Went To Armadale Academy)

Scottish Schools Are Where Girls Get Pregnant And Where Boys Go To Sell Drugs (I Should Know I Went To Armadale Academy)

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#124

It Honestly Is Ridiculous How Long They Left

It Honestly Is Ridiculous How Long They Left

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#125

Constant Struggle

Constant Struggle

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#126

The Rare, Understandable Scottish Men

The Rare, Understandable Scottish Men

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pusheen buttercup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doctors once called my dad and said his dad had a stroke and his speech was damaged. He got off the phone with him and said he's fine, he's just Scottish you idiots! True story.

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#127

She Was Lucky

She Was Lucky

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#128

Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger

Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger

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Jennifer Crompton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aren't gingers fairly common in Scotland? Why would a little kid be surprised to see one?

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#129

It’s Tradition

It’s Tradition

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#130

The Force Is Strong In This Wan

The Force Is Strong In This Wan

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#132

Security To Get A Munch

Security To Get A Munch

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#133

Smirnoff Ice

Smirnoff Ice

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Pungent Sauce
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Smirnoff Ice’s all but vanished in the States, and now seltzer’s are everywhere. An idea before it’s time it seems.

#134

I Remember My First Bus Journey

I Remember My First Bus Journey

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#135

Who The Hell You Talkin Tae

Who The Hell You Talkin Tae

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#136

Solid Plan

Solid Plan

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#137

Life Must Be Good Being A Dug

Life Must Be Good Being A Dug

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#138

You’ll Pay Him For It N All

You’ll Pay Him For It N All

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#139

This Is Madness

This Is Madness

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#140

Too Wee, Too Poor, Too Stupid

Too Wee, Too Poor, Too Stupid

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Wandaluzt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't tax spare bedrooms to raise money. They tax spare council home bedrooms to encourage people who live alone in big 3 4 or 5 bedroom social (as in tax payer funded) houses to swap to a smaller home so that families who need the bigger houses can have them. More BS misinformation.

#141

Beautiful

Beautiful

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#142

Guys Dont Use Tinder It's Crap

Guys Dont Use Tinder It's Crap

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#143

Busted

Busted

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#144

Happy Birthday To Big J

Happy Birthday To Big J

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#145

Absolute Roaster

Absolute Roaster

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#148

Pretending Aye?

Pretending Aye?

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#149

Meanwhile In Edinburgh...

Meanwhile In Edinburgh...

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Jonathan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish people (tourists mainly) would stop rubbing his nose! It's damaging the statue and doesn't do anything except cause more work and money to be spent!!