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They say Scotland is a land of immeasurable beauty, inspiring history, and immense wit. To get a glimpse of the first two, you can watch Braveheart. But to experience the third, you can simply go on Twitter (now X)—some people even say Scottish Twitter is arguably the nation’s finest export. We know you think it’s scotch, but scroll through this list, and then we’ll talk.

The subreddit named Scottish People Twitter has been making headlines online since its creation in 2015. It started by collecting tweets like “maw bought aldi shower gel that smells like fairy liquid so I’ve been cutting about all day smelling like a f**ing plate” and “Can live wi paying 5p for one but am sick of having to f**in light the beacons of Gondor to summon someone anytime I want a bag in Asda” and quickly grew into a 700K-member community, enjoying a good laugh when they see one.

#1

Clever Cat

Funny Scottish tweet about cats

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#3

Mask Up, Ya Bams

Funny Scottish tweet about not wearing a mask

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Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same maskless moron in the queue in the US, security guards often say naught!

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Bored Panda spoke with Reddit user Veloglasgow, one of the moderators of r/ScottishPeopleTwitter, to get a better understanding of the content on the subreddit. “Scots generally have a dark, dry, and direct sense of humor,” they said. “Observational comedy where someone points out something that everyone accepts as day-to-day reality but which would be absurd to an outside observer also goes down well.”

#4

Our Currency Is The Best!

Funny Scottish tweet about currency

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#6

What Freedom Is Aw Aboot

Funny Scottish tweet about pregnancy

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Kesyra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because your countrymen (some of them) are idiots doesn't necessarily mean you are. <3

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Al Jones
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And then allowing the family to live in squalor, struggling to put food on the table because of the debts from the hospital bill. Go freedom!

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Sang Fe
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This pretty much nailed it. The fetus is the most valued human life but loses every bit of importance once forced into existence at the expense of a young, terrified girl without support. No human being is worth the burden of wearing a mask nor a penny of tax money to feed the destitute, our elderly are nothing but a drain on resources and the not so white unworthy of the right to live altogether, after being born...of course. Welcome to America

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SeidWolf
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

bingo: if its not the most counter-intuitive, contradictory, hypocritical, double standard ideology, its not us. 'Mericka, fu¢k yeah!

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elfin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a U.S. citizen, agreed. (Though I do live in California.) I also think it's weird that abortions are Satan's evil, but dropping bombs on pregnant women with brown skin is something to be proud of.

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Owen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"If you're pre-born, you're fine. If you're preschool, you're f*cked." George Carlin

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Jane_Doe
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im Canadian; I don't think our cousins would do that....

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Liz the Wanderer
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm American. It's fact. People want abortion to be illegal, but don't want to provide basic food, housing, or care for the babies born.

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Chris Lieu
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3 years ago

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Sue Phillips
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really can't argue with this...many Americans feel the same way.

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Nicki Knoll
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love the Scots! I am American and I approve this message 😊

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beautiful plumage
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

these aren't the same people. reducing them to the same level is the root of the whole "us vs. them" mentality that is ripping apart the usa. "thems barak hussain voters all think..." --- that would also be part of the problem.

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Beth McFadden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plenty of us agree with your assessment of that FUBAR mindset.

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LaurieAnne Smith
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's great coz the AMericans think that they have ALL the right answers. Bloody eejit gobshites

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Stacy S.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An embryo is NOT an infant or baby. Ignorance is bliss eh?

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David Clayton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An embryo is approximately the second to the eighth week after fertilization (after which it is usually termed a fetus). For fetuses: Chances of survival following preterm birth Less than 22 weeks is close to zero chance of survival. 22 weeks is around 10% 24 weeks is around 60% 27 weeks is around 89% 31 weeks is around 95% 34 weeks is equivalent to a baby born at full term

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not murdering people is a higher law than not having a gun, if a criminal doesn't respect the first law they sure aren't going to respect the second.

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the fault of Hollywood whose movies glorify violence and putting a less than ten second orgasm above human life. (In the crusades they committed mass murder without guns existing, and cave men killed each other with rocks and sticks.) In a world where everything is a weapon it has a greater effect to teach respect for human life...all human life instead of whining about inanimate objects that are easily replaced with other weapons.

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GC
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am pro choice but I am annoyed at this comment. I am SO sick of American bashing. What, does this dude think only Americans are anti abortion? Jesus. Enough already. It wouldn’t fly if you bashed the Irish. How about Mexicans? Scottish? Russians? Why do you think it’s OK to constantly be on about Americans? It’s the tired old trope of the 90’s.

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David Clayton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

862,000 abortions in 2017 vs 39,773 gun deaths. The first is 21 times the second.

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Damon Tripodi
Community Member
3 years ago

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So therefore abortion is okay? Or gun control? Or what? Go away

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DogMatic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, abortion is absolutely okay. And note how few gun related deaths or injuries occur in Scotland - and the rest of the UK - a country with tight gun control, compared to the USA. Yep, I'm quite content to live where abortion is legal and guns are not, thank you very much.

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TheTootsieTickler 900
Community Member
3 years ago (edited)

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What in the world makes people think we are ok with killing others? As a Republican, I want people to live- that's why I want people to be able to own guns so they can defend themselves if needed. Taking guns away from people does not or will not lower the rates of major crimes (you can take a look at Australia's rate of crimes after their buy back and it was not good). If you want to keep people from hurting each other, you need to go after mental health issues. For example, having nurses or social workers go into people's houses (especially households with a single parent) significantly lowers rates of major crimes like homicides and assaults. Taking guns away from people has never done that. For another example, when England banned hand guns, hand gun crime way up. I don't want that repeated here.

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TheTootsieTickler 900
Community Member
3 years ago (edited)

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Just because they haven't been born yet does not mean there life doesn't matter. Why would you be ok with denying someone the right to live. What if you were that baby and wanted the chance to live but were denied. Sure, not every parents' current state is great for raising a child, but if that baby were born, you would not consider letting them murder it just because they were poor or were in some other bad spot, right? I just don't understand the difference between before birth and after birth.

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Hollysmom
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were never born to "my" mother I wouldn't have known the difference. If you want to be philosophical or bring religion into it; if a baby (soul) is suppose to be brought into the world, it will be. Of it isn't it wasn't meant to or, at least not to that mother of those circumstances. 'You' might not go out and murder a 2 year old (although people do) but how much do you do for the sick, starving, cold, unloved, children of the world?

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Maureen Matthew
Community Member
3 years ago

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So how many infants are killed with a blast to the skull vs the number of babies murdered by their mother?

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Bacony Cakes
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends if you count babies as "thing that actually breathes" or "roughly centipede shaped blob with a bumhole".

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Veloglasgow said that posts where people are sarcastically replying to other tweets are probably most representative of real-world Scottish humor.

“Most posts that make it through the mod queue are representative. Any posts that use ‘fooken’ or ‘fecking’ for fu*ken/fu*king are generally removed as no Scot hears how we say those words as that way phonetically,” the moderator explained.

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Examining the many social and cultural features of Scottish Twitter, journalist Eve Livingston said it has provided a medium for the written Scots language to evolve in a way that wasn’t possible before the advent of social media.

“Scots was the national language of a country that doesn’t exist anymore,” writer and presenter Alistair Heather, who writes a Scots column in Scotland’s The National newspaper, explained. ​“As Scotland was amalgamated into Great Britain, Scots fell away from being a national language because it didn’t have a nation anymore.”

Heather said that until relatively recently, Scottish opinion-formers in news and media were [mostly] based in England and not plugged into working-class or rural Scotland at all, so they didn’t see Scots language as a contemporary issue in Scotland.

“[But] it’s gaining a lot of legitimacy and validity through social media as a private expression [while] finding a public sphere.”

#10

What Windows?

Funny Scottish tweet about a peephole on a door

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because people put curtains up so you can't see in and in order to still look out without looking like a nosy old grandma.

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#12

Wholesome

Funny Scottish tweet about the other half

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#13

Scottish Clothes Shops

Funny Scottish tweet about a Scottish clothes store

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RELATED: Scottish People Are Enraged After Finding Out That A Large Part Of Scots Wikipedia Is Written By An American Teen Using A Fake Scottish “Accent”

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#19

Well That’s Us Screwed

Funny Scottish tweet about cats invading Scotland

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#20

Life, Eh, Finds A Way

Funny Scottish tweet about a breakfast

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#27

Yer Da Does The Washing

Funny Scottish tweet about a scary see through a window

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#30

Fair Enough

Funny Scottish tweet about voting in the election

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n i k o
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't really know Scottish politics, but this is hilarious. Like, damn, Scots don't mess around

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#33

Yer No Meant To Eat The Parts Separately

Funny Scottish tweet the condiments of Nutella

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#34

Ye Nugget

Funny Scottish tweet about immigrants

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Al Jones
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We need this sign at far more places... Like behind every American (and Australian) that doesn't have native heritage and complains about migrants.

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#35

Maccies

Funny Scottish tweet about pay for McDonald's workers

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Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely! Abusive employer. Drives me crazy the few times I've gone inside a McDonald's.

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#38

Ye Goin For A S***e Hen?

Funny Scottish tweet about living in Scotland

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Lúthien
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had somebody hammering my door screaming at me to let them in. (I didn't obviously. I still wonder what they were on),

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#41

Mad Stoater

Funny Scottish tweet a twin sibling

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Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe she was referring to a different look and either complimenting or making fun of him. Or is that the joke? This is too advanced humor for me.

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#42

Half Pizza Crunch Supper

Funny Scottish tweet a funny trait of Melania Trump

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Virgil Blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's from peering at the pre nuptial agreement hoping she can find a loopholexto escape.

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#43

Intimate And Sacred

Funny Scottish tweet about sex

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Sam T Godfrey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how that'll go over here in the US... It does occur when people disapprove or otherwise of the president...

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#44

A Record To Be Proud Of

Funny Scottish tweet about eating a lot of crisps

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Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Scotland are chips crisps or fries? Either way, I wonder if I’m in the top ten lol

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#47

On The Bus

Funny Scottish tweet about people talking on Coronavirus

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Paizleypie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like the Scottish throw the C-word around as much as Australians do.

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#49

Genitals!

Funny Scottish tweet about being obsessed with other people genitals

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elfin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was trying to make a point and it wasn't about hatred. She had a very tough single motherhood early on and even considered suicide. I think she's correct that we need to pay more attention to women's issues overall (though not less attention to transgender). For me most of the hate came from people calling her a hater.

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#50

And One For Yourself Bartender

Funny Scottish tweet about spending money abroad

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Note: this post originally had 149 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.

We’ve had our share of laughs with these Scottish tweets, bringing a slice of Scotland humor straight to your screen. What’s next? It’s your turn to join the fun! Show some love to the tweets you loved the most, or swing by the comment section. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon some funny Scottish tweets (now posts) yourself. Time to share them with us!