One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people just couldn't Handel the music of Handel? There are no answers as to when this amazingly lame form of humor was born but it has kept its popularity from the dawn of ages to this day, nonetheless.

Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. But we think that a good pun is always worth a good laugh. If you are on the same page then this complete collection of puns is exactly what you are looking for. From classy to sassy, these are the puns that can make anyone laugh (or roll their eyes at least). So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think!

#1

Speed Of Light

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

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#2

Sudden Realization

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

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María Hermida
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄 That's me!!!

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#3

Unemployment

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work

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#4

Split Personality

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

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#5

Sinking Ship

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

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#6

How To Get Holy Water

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

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#7

Just A Fantasy

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

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#8

Dyslexia

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic

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#9

Glass Coffins

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen

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#10

A Balance Check

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

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KittyPiano3
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess they appreciate the gravity of the situation (not)

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#11

Taking Things Literally

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

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#12

The Difference Between

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

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#13

Wind Farm

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

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#14

All Right

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now

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#15

Day Off

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off

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#16

The Veteran

The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran

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#17

Elevator Farts

My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels

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#18

Loose Dogs

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes

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#19

Losing Your Luggage

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It caused me a lot of baggage but I must carry on.

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#20

Quality Camouflage

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any

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#21

Karma Lessons

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve

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AloofFox
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand the joke, but can’t see the pun.

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#22

A Kidney Bank

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We also genuinely have a place called Cockermouth in Cumbria.

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#23

Maybe So, Maybe No

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe

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#24

Wrong Lane

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

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#25

Solution To Everything

All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution

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#26

She's All Right

Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine

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#27

Night Stand

The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could table a meeting with the chair of their sideboard.

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#28

Wordplay

When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents

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#29

Under Control

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils

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#30

Heart Of A Lion

Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo

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Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's like Larry the Cableguy's joke. "I've go the body of a 16 year old. And if the cops ever find out she's in my basement...I'm in biiiigggg trouble!"

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#31

Photo Film

She had a photographic memory but never developed it

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#32

Ignorance And Apathy

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care

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#33

Sneaky Janitor

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!

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Jim Price
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weird Al used this in his movie "UHF"... and the janitorial staff was oriental.

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#34

Population Growth

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

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#35

Blood Type

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

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Twenty øne doggos
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I saw this on a Reddit thread or something. I remember that someone completely missed the joke.

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#36

A Mean Crook

A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending

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#37

A Peaceful Nap

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - he woke up

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Red
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that went from 100000 to 0 real quick

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#38

Mrs. Hippie

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi

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#39

Changing My Mind

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

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#40

Funny Puns

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ale of Two Cities, A Brief History Of Wine, The Last of The Mojitos....

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#41

Party Plans

How do you throw a space party? You planet

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#42

Funny Puns

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve

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#43

Funny Puns

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves

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#44

Funny Puns

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other

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Foxxy
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

2 groups of people you can’t trust are lawyers, judges and politicians. EDIT : sorry 3 groups of people.

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#45

Funny Puns

What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays

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#46

Funny Puns

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

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BusLady
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

2 blondes were walking in the woods when they came across some tracks. Its deer tracks. No, it's bear tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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#47

Funny Puns

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd attend a funeral that early over my dead body!

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#48

Funny Puns

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

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#49

Funny Puns

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire

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#50

Funny Puns

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

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#51

Funny Puns

I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon

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KittyPiano3
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FUN FACT: cats are made of iron, lithium, and neon. FeLiNe

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#52

Funny Puns

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

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#53

Funny Puns

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed

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#54

Funny Puns

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize

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#55

Funny Puns

The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction

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#56

Funny Puns

Need an ark? I Noah guy

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#57

Funny Puns

I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap

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Foxxy
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ain’t that the truth, boobs feel trapped in bras. Best feeling at the end of the day is taking the bra off. Ahhhh

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#58

Funny Puns

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it

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#59

Funny Puns

Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest

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#60

Funny Puns

German sausage jokes are just the wurst

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Harleen
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But it doesn't matter how kind you are. German children are always kinder.

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#61

Funny Puns

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'

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#62

Funny Puns

What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist

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#63

Funny Puns

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure

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#64

Funny Puns

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it

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Wyndmere
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m on a c food diet; candy, cookies, and cake. My brother said carrots, cauliflower, and celery are c food too. I asked him who taught him to spell.

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#65

Funny Puns

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine

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#66

Funny Puns

He who laughs last thinks slowest

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#67

Funny Puns

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're always jumping for joy and never hopping mad!

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#68

Funny Puns

Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was a real lightbulb moment, really lit me up!

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#69

Funny Puns

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents

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#70

Funny Puns

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

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#71

Funny Puns

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill

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Foxxy
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob

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#72

Funny Puns

Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!

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#73

Funny Puns

Why is the number six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine

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#74

Funny Puns

What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.

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#75

Funny Puns

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars

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Marcellus the Third
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rome wasn't split into two? But the Roman empire was split in an eastern (centered around Constantinople) and western empire (around Rome) --- so the pun works there.

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#76

Funny Puns

I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience

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BusLady
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, if you're not a doctor, that's probably why. Practicing without a licence is ill-legal.

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#77

Funny Puns

I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that

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Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guy walks into a bar and lays a dead giraffe on the floor. The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." The man said "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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#78

Funny Puns

Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak

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Harleen
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals!

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#79

Funny Puns

I bought a boat because it was for sail

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#80

Funny Puns

What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit

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MATT LOPEZ
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? There are Skid marks in front of the dear!😜

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