80 Of The Funniest Puns Ever
One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people just couldn't Handel the music of Handel? There are no answers as to when this amazingly lame form of humor was born but it has kept its popularity from the dawn of ages to this day, nonetheless.
Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. But we think that a good pun is always worth a good laugh. If you are on the same page then this complete collection of puns is exactly what you are looking for. From classy to sassy, these are the puns that can make anyone laugh (or roll their eyes at least). So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think!
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Speed Of Light
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Sudden Realization
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me
Unemployment
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
Split Personality
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
Sinking Ship
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
How To Get Holy Water
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
Just A Fantasy
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea
Dyslexia
When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic
Glass Coffins
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
A Balance Check
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
Taking Things Literally
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
Wind Farm
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
The Difference Between
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
Day Off
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off
All Right
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now
The Veteran
The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
Elevator Farts
My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels
Quality Camouflage
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any
Karma Lessons
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve
Losing Your Luggage
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case
Maybe So, Maybe No
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
A Kidney Bank
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool
Loose Dogs
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes
She's All Right
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
Solution To Everything
All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution
Wrong Lane
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Night Stand
The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand
Under Control
A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils
Photo Film
She had a photographic memory but never developed it
Wordplay
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents
Sneaky Janitor
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Heart Of A Lion
Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo
That's like Larry the Cableguy's joke. "I've go the body of a 16 year old. And if the cops ever find out she's in my basement...I'm in biiiigggg trouble!"
Ignorance And Apathy
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care
Blood Type
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
I think I saw this on a Reddit thread or something. I remember that someone completely missed the joke.
A Mean Crook
A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending
Changing My Mind
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
A Peaceful Nap
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - he woke up
Mrs. Hippie
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi
Population Growth
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
Party Plans
How do you throw a space party? You planet
Funny Puns
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird
Ale of Two Cities, A Brief History Of Wine, The Last of The Mojitos....
Funny Puns
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve
Funny Puns
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other
Funny Puns
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays
Funny Puns
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
Funny Puns
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person
Funny Puns
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire
Funny Puns
I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon
Funny Puns
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator
Funny Puns
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize
Funny Puns
The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction
Funny Puns
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
Funny Puns
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
Funny Puns
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed
Funny Puns
I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap
Funny Puns
Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest
Funny Puns
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist
Funny Puns
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it
Funny Puns
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'
Funny Puns
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine
Funny Puns
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents
Funny Puns
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus
Funny Puns
Why is the number six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine
Funny Puns
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill
Funny Puns
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
Funny Puns
What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.
Funny Puns
I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that
Guy walks into a bar and lays a dead giraffe on the floor. The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." The man said "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Funny Puns
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars
Rome wasn't split into two? But the Roman empire was split in an eastern (centered around Constantinople) and western empire (around Rome) --- so the pun works there.
Funny Puns
What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit
What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? There are Skid marks in front of the dear!😜
Note: this post originally had 218 images. It’s been shortened to the top 80 images based on user votes.
Man asks widow if he can say a word at the funeral. He goes up to podium and says "plethora". He leaves podium as she says gratefully, "thank you. that means a lot."
Cornucopia. That means a lot also.
Please forgive my corny puns. Its the best I got. 😛
I liked them.
Thanks, Victoria :-)
Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. The cops have nothing to go on.
Be no giving birth to a copper then , a real pig sty
It left a hole but they're looking into it.
Man asks widow if he can say a word at the funeral. He goes up to podium and says "plethora". He leaves podium as she says gratefully, "thank you. that means a lot."
Cornucopia. That means a lot also.
Please forgive my corny puns. Its the best I got. 😛
I liked them.
Thanks, Victoria :-)
Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. The cops have nothing to go on.
Be no giving birth to a copper then , a real pig sty
It left a hole but they're looking into it.