One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people just couldn't Handel the music of Handel? There are no answers as to when this amazingly lame form of humor was born but it has kept its popularity from the dawn of ages to this day, nonetheless.

Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. But we think that a good pun is always worth a good laugh. If you are on the same page then this complete collection of puns is exactly what you are looking for. From classy to sassy, these are the puns that can make anyone laugh (or roll their eyes at least). So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think!

#1

Speed Of Light

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

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Foxxy
Community Member
2 years ago

haha, omg I laughed too much at this.

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#2

Sudden Realization

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

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María Hermida
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄 That's me!!!

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#3

Unemployment

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

Come on, dole them out, we'd all benefit.

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#4

Split Personality

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

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Michelle Muirhead
Community Member
2 years ago

Frank was was fed up with Tom’s smart comments.

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#5

Sinking Ship

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

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Withnail
Community Member
2 years ago

While you're singing Ice Ice Baby?

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#6

How To Get Holy Water

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

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HANS
Community Member
2 years ago

Freeze it and then drill some holes.

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#7

Just A Fantasy

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

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Withnail
Community Member
2 years ago

Is this the real life...?

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#8

Dyslexia

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic

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HANS
Community Member
2 years ago

... or well endowed!

Michelle Muirhead
Community Member
2 years ago

bet you would have trouble walking!!!!

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Wyndmere
Community Member
2 years ago

Bored Panda - why is my other comment that you notified me was up voted missing from this thread?

Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

You could always make elonmade.

I Love Foxes Whether You Like It Or Not
Community Member
1 year ago

Or covered I melons

Tina_Shadowledgen creepypasta shadow girl
Community Member
1 year ago

WELL APERANTLY LIFE GAVE ME MELONS

Sara Chapman
Community Member
2 years ago

*gasp* what if you saw lemons???!

Mary Ann Lavin
Community Member
2 months ago

Ynnuf!

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Mary Ann Lavin
Community Member
2 months ago

Just make melonade!

Christophe Morin
Community Member
9 months ago

I don't even know what dyslexic mean

Christophe Morin
Community Member
9 months ago

I don't even know what dyslexic

Cattails
Community Member
10 months ago

ohhh I get it now

Edith Griffin
Community Member
11 months ago

Who knows how that went?

Edith Griffin
Community Member
11 months ago

My sister had a DREAM that she was in a zombie apocalypse

Edith Griffin
Community Member
11 months ago

I had a DREAM that I had a baby

Lauren Schlatter
Community Member
1 year ago

Or playing a rearrange the letters to make a different word game.

David Hibler
Community Member
1 year ago

Too funny

Conor O'Brien
Community Member
1 year ago

This needs to be higher

Tina_Shadowledgen creepypasta shadow girl
Community Member
1 year ago

WELL LIFE GAVE ME MELONS APARENTLY

Dylan Dim
Community Member
1 year ago

lol

Susan Emory
Community Member
1 year ago

Offended some people that read it.

Poppy Determan
Community Member
1 year ago

what does dyslexic mean??? btw i am only 10

cleo patterson
Community Member
1 year ago

took me a while, but i got it and started laughing

Mona Mallick
Community Member
1 year ago

again, R. I. P.

Luis
Community Member
1 year ago

👍

Siddharth Pandey
Community Member
2 years ago

What do you do when you've been a virgin for too long? You get the fuck out

Aidan McKeever
Community Member
2 years ago

True

naila putri
Community Member
2 years ago

.....k

Cole Morehead
Community Member
2 years ago

that one got me!!!!???

Jarrid Yelton
Community Member
2 years ago

Bitch that's so rude

Karina Andersen
Community Member
2 years ago

I can relate to this

Ed Lesperance
Community Member
2 years ago

I are lysdexic.

Owiella Freddie
Community Member
2 years ago

Funny, but that's not the issue with dyslexia, and it appears this one went completely over the other commenter's heads! lem/mel

Bill
Community Member
2 years ago

D is for Lysdexia

Nick Penning
Community Member
2 years ago

And get a new magazine subscription!

Nick Penning
Community Member
2 years ago

At least get a new magazine subscription that’s not so fruitful.

Kathy Jasper
Community Member
2 years ago

now I'm wondering what melon-ade would taste like

Wyndmere
Community Member
2 years ago

Oh honey, dew make some for us.

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Perfumista Perfumista
Community Member
2 years ago

Perfect!

debrina blackmoon
Community Member
2 years ago

@Withnail-XD

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#9

Glass Coffins

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen

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Foxxy
Community Member
2 years ago

Shudder, that would be mortifying.

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#10

A Balance Check

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

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KittyPiano3
Community Member
2 years ago

I guess they appreciate the gravity of the situation (not)

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#11

Taking Things Literally

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

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Rowlie
Community Member
2 years ago

Stealing this one

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#12

Wind Farm

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

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Rowlie
Community Member
2 years ago

Listening to the Wind of Change

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#13

The Difference Between

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

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Lucinda Overhoussen
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

In a few more years no smokers around to get this.

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#14

Day Off

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off

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Laugh Fan
Community Member
2 years ago

It wasn't a leap year?

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#15

All Right

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now

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Rowlie
Community Member
2 years ago

Seems like not much was left of him

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#16

The Veteran

The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran

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Kim Bush
Community Member
2 years ago

Kinda in bad taste

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#17

Elevator Farts

My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels

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Meop
Community Member
2 years ago

Life has its ups and downs..

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#18

Quality Camouflage

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any

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Xander K Occhipinti
Community Member
2 years ago

hahaha

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#19

Karma Lessons

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve

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AloofFox
Community Member
2 years ago

I understand the joke, but can’t see the pun.

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#20

Losing Your Luggage

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

It caused me a lot of baggage but I must carry on.

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#21

Maybe So, Maybe No

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

This got me buzzing!

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#22

A Kidney Bank

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

We also genuinely have a place called Cockermouth in Cumbria.

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#23

Loose Dogs

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes

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Diane Bleyer
Community Member
2 years ago

Good one

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#24

She's All Right

Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine

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HANS
Community Member
2 years ago

No bones about it.

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#25

Solution To Everything

All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution

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BusLady
Community Member
2 years ago

But not good solution, for some. :-(

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#26

Wrong Lane

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

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BusLady
Community Member
2 years ago

Or in the wrong country.

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#27

Night Stand

The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

I could table a meeting with the chair of their sideboard.

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#28

Under Control

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

Eye see what you did there!

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#29

Photo Film

She had a photographic memory but never developed it

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HANS
Community Member
2 years ago

She was waiting for that 'Kodak moment'.

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#30

Wordplay

When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents

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Michelle Muirhead
Community Member
2 years ago

Well done!

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#31

Sneaky Janitor

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!

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Jim Price
Community Member
2 years ago

Weird Al used this in his movie "UHF"... and the janitorial staff was oriental.

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#32

Heart Of A Lion

Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo

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Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago

That's like Larry the Cableguy's joke. "I've go the body of a 16 year old. And if the cops ever find out she's in my basement...I'm in biiiigggg trouble!"

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#33

Ignorance And Apathy

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care

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Ed Lesperance
Community Member
2 years ago

ROTFLMAO

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#34

Blood Type

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

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Twenty øne doggos
Community Member
2 years ago

I think I saw this on a Reddit thread or something. I remember that someone completely missed the joke.

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#35

A Mean Crook

A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending

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Victoria Rey Piuma
Community Member
2 years ago

Oooh, sophisticated

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#36

Changing My Mind

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

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Rowlie
Community Member
2 years ago

You were not headstrong enough

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#37

A Peaceful Nap

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - he woke up

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Red
Community Member
2 years ago

that went from 100000 to 0 real quick

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#38

Mrs. Hippie

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi

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SprinkleDrop
Community Member
2 years ago

😂

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#39

Population Growth

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

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Jarrid Yelton
Community Member
2 years ago

That's really stupid but I LOVE IT!

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#40

Party Plans

How do you throw a space party? You planet

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Xander K Occhipinti
Community Member
2 years ago

what did the astronaut say when he was interviewed? No comet.

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#41

Funny Puns

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

Ale of Two Cities, A Brief History Of Wine, The Last of The Mojitos....

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#42

Funny Puns

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves

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Meop
Community Member
2 years ago

I sea what you did here

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#43

Funny Puns

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve

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That One Guy
Community Member
2 years ago

Cough Cough Grunkle Stan Cough Cough

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#44

Funny Puns

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other

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Foxxy
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

2 groups of people you can’t trust are lawyers, judges and politicians. EDIT : sorry 3 groups of people.

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#45

Funny Puns

What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays

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Victoria Rey Piuma
Community Member
2 years ago

Hihihi

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#46

Funny Puns

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

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BusLady
Community Member
2 years ago

2 blondes were walking in the woods when they came across some tracks. Its deer tracks. No, it's bear tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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#47

Funny Puns

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

I'd attend a funeral that early over my dead body!

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#48

Funny Puns

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire

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BusLady
Community Member
2 years ago

It didn't suit the poor man.

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#49

Funny Puns

I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon

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KittyPiano3
Community Member
2 years ago

FUN FACT: cats are made of iron, lithium, and neon. FeLiNe

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#50

Funny Puns

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

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Sadie Shapiro
Community Member
2 years ago

It's terrible and that's why I love it.

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#51

Funny Puns

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize

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Tom Hardeveld
Community Member
2 years ago

so did Gaston...

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#52

Funny Puns

The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction

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KittyPiano3
Community Member
2 years ago

That was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one

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#53

Funny Puns

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

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Rowlie
Community Member
2 years ago

I'm crazy about this one

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#54

Funny Puns

Need an ark? I Noah guy

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BusLady
Community Member
2 years ago

Like new. Only used for 40 days.

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#55

Funny Puns

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

I'd have to dig deep to afford one.

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#56

Funny Puns

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed

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the Lemon Queen
Community Member
2 years ago

well I can do it in my sleep!

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#57

Funny Puns

German sausage jokes are just the wurst

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Harleen
Community Member
2 years ago

But it doesn't matter how kind you are. German children are always kinder.

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#58

Funny Puns

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it

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Ryo Bakura
Community Member
2 years ago

Jew really think that's funny?

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#59

Funny Puns

I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap

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Foxxy
Community Member
2 years ago

Ain’t that the truth, boobs feel trapped in bras. Best feeling at the end of the day is taking the bra off. Ahhhh

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#60

Funny Puns

Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest

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Benjamin Epstein
Community Member
2 years ago

Oh no! He’s got a stuffed animal! Run!

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#61

Funny Puns

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure

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Claire Ross
Community Member
2 years ago

Quite an important debate

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#62

Funny Puns

What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist

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KittyPiano3
Community Member
2 years ago

Whaddya call a vampire duck? Count quackula

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#63

Funny Puns

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it

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Wyndmere
Community Member
2 years ago

I’m on a c food diet; candy, cookies, and cake. My brother said carrots, cauliflower, and celery are c food too. I asked him who taught him to spell.

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#64

Funny Puns

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'

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Rowlie
Community Member
2 years ago

I bet You Polished off everything though

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#65

Funny Puns

He who laughs last thinks slowest

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Jim Price
Community Member
2 years ago

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

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#66

Funny Puns

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

They're always jumping for joy and never hopping mad!

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#67

Funny Puns

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine

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AloofFox
Community Member
2 years ago

Technically, grape juice is not wine... yet.

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#68

Funny Puns

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents

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Jim Price
Community Member
2 years ago

Fix-it Felix could change that.

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#69

Funny Puns

Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

That was a real lightbulb moment, really lit me up!

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#70

Funny Puns

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

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Benjamin Epstein
Community Member
2 years ago

I got a new thesaurus not only is it bad, it’s bad.

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#71

Funny Puns

Why is the number six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine

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Xander K Occhipinti
Community Member
2 years ago

such an old joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#72

Funny Puns

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill

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Foxxy
Community Member
2 years ago

What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob

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#73

Funny Puns

Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!

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KittyPiano3
Community Member
2 years ago

What about the fox-trot

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#74

Funny Puns

What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.

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Aileen
Community Member
2 years ago

Heard this same joke with two oceans.

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#75

Funny Puns

I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that

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Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

Guy walks into a bar and lays a dead giraffe on the floor. The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." The man said "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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#76

Funny Puns

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars

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Marcellus the Third
Community Member
2 years ago

Rome wasn't split into two? But the Roman empire was split in an eastern (centered around Constantinople) and western empire (around Rome) --- so the pun works there.

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#77

Funny Puns

I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience

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BusLady
Community Member
2 years ago

Well, if you're not a doctor, that's probably why. Practicing without a licence is ill-legal.

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#78

Funny Puns

I bought a boat because it was for sail

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Gemma Lees
Community Member
2 years ago

It really made waves when I came home with it!

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#79

Funny Puns

Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak

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Harleen
Community Member
2 years ago

I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals!

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#80

Funny Puns

What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit

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MATT LOPEZ
Community Member
2 years ago

What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? There are Skid marks in front of the dear!😜

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