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There are a ton of reasons why we love the United Kingdom—from its gorgeous nature and culture to its wide-ranging cuisine and renowned literature. But something that keeps us coming back is our love for the British press with all of its ups, downs, and unique quirks. There’s honestly hardly anything better than making a big cup of tea and opening up the serious Sunday papers or going for a cheeky scroll through the digital tabloids. It’s entertaining. It’s fun. It’s off the hook!

Now that’s where the ‘Mental UK Headlines’ Twitter page comes in. A social media project that unites nearly 100k followers, the account features some of the funniest, most bizarre, and downright ludicrous news stories and headlines found in the British press. Both in the tabloids and in the more serious (digital) papers. And today we’re featuring some of their very best finds to bring a smile to your face. Just because the press isn't yellow doesn't mean it's not immune to some truly bizarre headlines.

Go on, grab yourself some biscuits and enjoy a good laugh. Don’t forget to upvote the pics that you enjoyed the most, send a few your friends’ way, and if you really love what you’re seeing, give ‘Mental UK Headlines’ a follow for some more top-tier humor.

Bored Panda got in touch with author, comedy writer, journalist, and all-around talented creative Ariane Sherine from the UK. We had a chat about tabloids, catchy headlines, and why the Brits love the sensationalist press so much. Read on for our full interview with her!

#1

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Nkotanyi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess detention would have been enough. So much sadness and depression being separated from your favorite seatmate in class.

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Journalist and comedy expert Ariane, from London, shared her thoughts about the tabloids (or the ‘red tops’ as the Brits call them) with Bored Panda.

“I think the British press, particularly the sensationalist yellow press uses a lot more wordplay, humor, and puns in headlines—and also employs shock to grab the reader,” Ariane told us.

“You’ve also got our tabloid the Daily Sport, which I wouldn’t even class as a newspaper as it’s mostly made up for entertainment and titillation!”

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Troux
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids.

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We were curious to get Ariane’s take on why the British enjoy tabloids so much, whether it’s all for the sake of being entertained or if they actually believe the biased news printed there.

“I definitely think people read the Sport purely for cheeky entertainment and to look at scantily clad women, as it’s only meant for that,” the journalism expert told us.

“But a lot of people get all their news from the Sun or Star, which is a bit worrying. They definitely believe everything they read in those papers—and they shouldn’t!” she warned.

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Meanwhile, when it comes to writing striking headlines, Ariane said that a lot depends on the topic in question. If you care about the issues on a personal level, you’re already more likely to read the story.

She shared some of the things that journalists ought to look at when writing headlines: “What’s the human interest angle? What would grab my attention? You have to distill the story into its essence in one sentence. What makes it entertaining?”

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NsG
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah, but is this a Colin or Wiggles cake? Coz that looks like Wiggles (from Sainsbury's), because otherwise this wouldn't just be a pothole, it'd be an M&S pothole.

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The ‘Mental UK Headlines’ project is fairly fresh. The account was started up on Twitter almost exactly a year ago, in April 2021. In that time, they’ve gotten the love and attention of 98.2k followers.

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The account shows us a few things. First of all, how much a good headline can boost our mood for the next few hours (who doesn’t love a hearty chuckle?). Secondly, there are some truly weird events going on in the world. And lastly, the British yellow press is willing to write about pretty much anything and everything for the sake of a ‘story.’ Whether that restores or destroys your faith in humanity depends on your perspective.

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Nkotanyi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he hasn't hit anyone, just give him an official driving license. He proved he deserves it.

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During a previous interview, London-based comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that humor plays a huge role in British culture. 

“I think it is inherently witty and quirky but coupled with a huge dose of irony and self-consciousness,” she shared her thoughts about British wit with us.

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“[British humor is] sarcastic, petty, ridiculous, embarrassed, self-conscious, and underpinned with the knowledge and awareness of how silly Brits are,” the comedy expert explained to Bored Panda how we can define this unique sense of humor.

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Nathaniel
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Could be worse. They could have been watching Eastenders. Now get out my pub you slaaaaag!

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NsG
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They've not posted this one well, but basically, someone threatened to call social services because of her eyebrows.

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“When people think of us, they think of the Royal Family, iconic images like London buses and phone boxes, afternoon tea, period dramas, and posh people—like Hugh Grant in Richard Curtis films!” Ariane said how the world tends to think of the British.

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Ashley Hall
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Som many people are left "crying and shaking", traumatized, or "devastated" these days.

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Ian Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I tripped and fell on it, honestly, you have to believe me.

seanbaron avatar
Seán Baron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There I was just walking into the kitchen, when all of a sudden I slipped, did 25 full somersaults at such a speed my clothes flew off and then I landed and caused the bottle/mop/table leg/statue of Nelson to become embedded up my bottom.

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saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's... not a lot actually, given the annual NHS budget is £50 billion. I'd like to know what drunken idiots on a Friday night getting into fights costs the NHS.

ng avatar
N G
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NsG - You're defending this spending, a little too much. Do you have a confession?

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Hermione
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Random objects? If you’re inserting object into body maybe put some thought into it?

kcmilholland avatar
Justme
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My thoughts too - pretty sure these objects aren’t chosen at random!

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K- THULU
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep but i'm Australian of English descent so we say "a**e" instead of the American "ass " ( I just want to see them censor it again cause it's fkn hilarious!)

adrianhobbs0 avatar
Adrian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, try sticking a random foreign object up an ass and you'd better be wearing some serious body armour.

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Lisa Bateman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read that someone stuck an electric toothbrush up there... My eyes are watering just thinking about it 🤣

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commie pinkofag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My carefully curated collection of smooth Scandinavian cooking utensils are not "random."

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lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man goes to hospital. Chief complaint is "the light keeps me awake." The light on the flashlight he inserted in is "bum".

nishanth_vemula avatar
Nishanth Vemula
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me try censorship here in boredpanda ass a**e a*****e arsehole

amydoyle avatar
Amy Doyle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How many weirdos end up in the hospital for this if it's costing this much.

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Betsy Novack
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Until we can pull the heads that seem to be stuck up the bums that deal with forking out money for the sheer stupidity of others, it will continue to rise until money is gone.

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Analyn Lahr
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess that could be an argument against free healthcare, eh?

nikkiwaters avatar
PandaPops
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I work in an A&E department in England and its not just asses that get things stuck in them...

nicolascott2008 avatar
Potato Puffin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh yes... straws, skewers, rose stems, knitting needles... i needn't go on... *shudders*

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ArodTheHorrible
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And it is never going to stop... Why, you ask? Because people like sticking things "up their bums"

cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After hearing what someone did with Mrs. Butterworth I can never eat her maple syrup.

screwy9758 avatar
Hugh Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anything like my ex, rushed into hospital with four 'my little pony(s)' stuck up her bum - - luckily they got them all out & her condition was Stable!

jar avatar
Ja R
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

too much of bad porn . also they see disease from going from one hole to another without washing

rileyhquinn avatar
Riley Quinn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, butt think of the puns and hilarity in the ER. That should offset the costs.

ayersmark2000 avatar
On the Mark...
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a retired ER nurse and this made me remember all the bizarre sh*t humans will stick up their bum. Some required surgery to get it out!

chris-watson-73113528 avatar
Chris Watson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Friend in ER, recalls a door k**b up a teens bum. His granny brought him in and she couldn’t stop laughing. Another time a couple arrived with Christmas light bulbs up the woman’s butt. What’s wrong with people?

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KimB
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a one time ER tech I can tell you with absolute certainty this is true...I don't know about cost but I've seen more stuff up butts than I care to discuss!

dbhudia avatar
D Bhudia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They should keep the items. I'm sure there'd be something or two that could fetch a pretty penny at Sotheby's.

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Tiki Stanford
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously who authorized, and who funded this??? Pretty asinine if you ask me.

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albernistuff 4sale
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wesley Crusher (ST-TNG) gets involved in a deviant sexual practice known as "tribble stuffing," not realizing that tribbles multiply any where

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Jackie Nettleton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But imagine the laughs the nurses get when they hear the lame excuse and then get told what it is that stuck.

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Vorknkx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

(memories of posts where people tell of doing this with pizza crust)

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Skara Brae
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She'd be a lot more recognizable if both eyes were on the same side of her nose.

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“They see us as charming and antiquated and think we're adorable. Spoiler: we're not really like this! Which they'll find out if they ever visit Britain, but I guess most people never do, so we remain cute and posh in their imaginations,” the comedy writer quipped.

Meanwhile, Lisa McLendon, the William Allen White Professor of Journalism and Mass Communications and the coordinator of the Bremner Editing Center at the University of Kansas, was kind enough to share her insights about text and how to leave an immediate impact on the audience with us during an earlier interview.

The professor said that when you have to make an immediate impression on someone, like with a sign, it’s best to focus on clarity and brevity. That’s especially important in our world where there’s a seemingly endless stream of information and shortening attention spans.

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"Clarity and brevity are essential. You only have a second or two to get your message across, so you want people to understand quickly with zero confusion," she told Bored Panda.

What’s more, journalism and editing expert Lisa stressed the necessity to proofread all of your work. And then getting someone else to proofread it again. It’s especially useful when you’re using text in ways that can’t be easily and cheaply edited later (like it would be online).

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Tigerpacingthecage
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, we all make mistakes - sure, but you need to take responsibility for your actions. Saying "everyone does it" isn't really taking responsibility.

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troufaki13
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

-"What is the purpose of your visit?" - "Well actually I'm a terrorist and I will be performing terrorist acts throughout the country" - "OK sir, enjoy your stay"

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She also stressed that it’s important to choose the right font, with the audience in mind. It should be clear. It should be readable. It shouldn’t have your readers second-guessing what they’re looking at.

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Who Panda 420
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw this apparently it was found safely outside in a hedge. Apparently the staff were very worried about it as nature abhors a vacuum. 😂

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Liz
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw an entire box of Voodoo Doughnuts face down the other day…doughnut guts spilled everywhere…f*****g tragedy

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Nathaniel
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A park? You have a park? In our day all we had was a grass verge to play on and we were thankful of that!

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Foxxy (The Original)
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It should be mentioned that this little girl has Autism and struggles a lot with selective eating, which in some cases can be so severe that they would rather starve than eat something that isn't familiar or suitable for their selective tastes/texture etc.

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Scagsy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've heard that she's also against photos in horizontal mode.

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Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.