M.A.T.H. is the dreaded Mental Abuse To Humans that we learn in school and probably spend half of our lives wondering why on earth we needed to learn geometry. Okay, so all of our universe is based on mathematical equations and calculations, but, in my humble opinion, some things are better left unknown; the craniums might explode overloaded with thinking about the unknown. However, there’s this interesting quality that human beings share—it’s to make something dreadful into something hilarious—a way to lessen the inevitable demons and tame them into jokes. Thus, we are gathered here today to laugh right in the face of calculus and algebra by reading these funny math jokes.
These clever jokes that you are about to read will cater to both the needs of math connoisseurs and algebra beginners. For the experienced, we have jokes on the Mobius Strip and derision; for the latter, we have the one about numbers devouring each other and chickens crossing the street in a very calculated manner. To keep things spicy, Turing’s machine also makes an appearance, and if you know what it is, you might have just felt your curiosity piquing. After reading these hilarious jokes, you might also decide that math isn’t all so ghastly and wicked, but rather quite amusing. Except when it’s time to take your math exam or to calculate how many gallons of paint you need for your bedroom remodeling plans.
Anyhoo, let’s check out the math jokes, shall we? Once you’ve subtracted, multiplied, and added a 1 to your choices for the best joke title, be sure to upvote them. Also, be kind to your neighbors by sharing this article that might just end their math-induced headaches with these hilarious jokes.
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Do you know what seems odd to me?
Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100. She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it's just beer.
I was told this joke but I only just realised it because of the context
Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s table?
Sir Cumference.
How did he get so round?
He ate too many π’s.
What do you call a shape that always does its best? A try-angle. (I just made this up)
MATH stands for Mental Abuse To Humans.
Parallel lines have so much in common… It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the S.
What math problem do German students have trouble answering?
Do you know what the square root of 81 is? 9!
There are three people applying for the same job at a bank: a mathematician, a statistician, and an accountant. The interviewing committee asks the mathematician one question: “What is 500 plus 500?”. The mathematician answers “1,000” without hesitation, and they send him along. Next, they call in the statistician and ask the same question. He thinks for a moment and answers “1,000… I’m 95 percent confident.” When the accountant comes in, he is asked the same question: “What is 500 + 500?” He bows and replies, “What would you like it to be?” They hire the accountant.
A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house. The physicist says, "The initial measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist counters, "They must have reproduced." Finally, the mathematician suggests, "If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty again."
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why did Pi get its driver’s license revoked?
Because it didn’t know when to stop.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why was the equal sign so humble?
Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
A clerk at the butcher shop is 6 feet tall and wears size 10 shoes. What does he weigh?
Meat. He works at the butcher’s shop.
There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
There are two types of people: 1) Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."
Why is 69 so scared of 70? Because once they fought, and 71.
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It's two gross.
I had to Google this one. And Google tells me that 1 Gross = 144. Still no Idea what a "Gross" is in this context.
What are ten things you can always count on?
Your fingers.
Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?
Because you should never drink and derive.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Hear about the constipated mathematician - he had to work it out with a pencil Hear about the constipated mathematician - he had to work it out with a pencil! (Sorry)
I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch. He could binomials.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.... (Sorry!)
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight(ate) nine!
What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A middle school math problem.
If a man had 3 apples in one hand and 4 apples in the other, what would he have? - Really big hands.
You should never start a conversation with Pi. It’ll just go on and on forever.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree?
Geometry.
When I was a freshman in high school, I asked my algebra teacher why I had to study algebra. He just smiled and said, "Because I need a job."
What do you call a political party in favor of agriculture?
Pro-tractors.
How do you make time fly?
Throw a clock out the window.
Note: this post originally had 108 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Only a statistician can have their head in a hot over and their feet on ice, because on average, they'll feel fine...
Only a statistician can have their head in a hot over and their feet on ice, because on average, they'll feel fine...
