Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding somebody who's perfect. It's about finding somebody who's perfect for you. Because as you can see from this hilarious list of marriage tweets compiled by Bored Panda, it's important for a healthy relationship to have a husband or wife who can handle all of your weird, annoying, and a downright unbearable sense of humor!

From the woman whose husband neglected gardening duties to buy the cat an inflatable unicorn horn, and hilarious marriage advice to the man whose wife forced him to go to IKEA despite the fact that they didn't need to buy anything, the collection of marriage jokes below is sure to make married life seem awesome. Don't forget to vote for the best pranks and funniest situations!

#1

My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem

My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem

FaisalSharif Report

#2

Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"

Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"

mrbojingles1972 Report

#3

For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room

For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room

michaelsiemsen Report

#4

My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday

My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday

cassieko Report

#5

My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

dina_mrs_k Report

#6

Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed

Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed

ThunderKrunk Report

#7

Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)

Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)

ordin22 Report

#8

My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

bsegovia Report

#9

Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper

Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper

slommyg21 Report

#10

I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused

I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused

robin60062 Report

#11

After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom

After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom

Jacksoffwithhotsauce Report

#12

Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused

Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused

hmmunoz Report

#13

What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids

What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids

spikeypeach Report

#14

My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

batgaz Report

#15

When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

RemorsefulArsonist Report

#16

I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened

I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened

StarskyAndHutch Report

#17

We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard

We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard

phelyan Report

#18

My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary

My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary

myworkaccountatwork Report

#19

Marriage Milestone

Marriage Milestone

XplodingUnicorn Report

#20

My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued

My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued

ChefCthulhu Report

#21

My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk

My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk

Katoptrizo Report

#22

Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong

Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong

Upstream15 Report

#23

My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life

My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life

xxNixonxx Report

#24

Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out

Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out

GorJess229 Report

#25

Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion

Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion

switchfootball Report

#26

Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This

Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This

lacquerroneous Report

#27

My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

betterguesser Report

#28

Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before

Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before

skaschmidt Report

#29

Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything

Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything

bizcat Report

#30

Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night

Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night

MISSINGxLINK Report

#31

When My Husband Shops Online For Me

When My Husband Shops Online For Me

viaminorviator Report

#32

My Husband Is An Asshole

My Husband Is An Asshole

amosfargus Report

#33

I Love Making Cookies With My Wife

I Love Making Cookies With My Wife

n33hai Report

#34

My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake

My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake

Montification Report

#35

My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live

My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live

ThePantser Report

#36

This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone

This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone

Nattyiceforme Report

#37

My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response

My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response

something_something1 Report

#39

I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman

I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman

irishike Report

#40

My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal

My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal

holmw13 Report

#41

The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway

The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway

8amHangovers Report

#42

My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup

My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup

ozfrogs Report

#43

I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife

I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife

ComcastNeedsToDie Report

#44

Marry Your Best Friend

Marry Your Best Friend

fourzerotwo Report

#45

My Wife's New Hand Towel

My Wife's New Hand Towel

toremygooch Report

#46

I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon

I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon

wynstn Report

#47

Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This

Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This

Lilaflockensocke Report

#48

My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One

My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One

gilsolano12 Report

#49

I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube

I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube

jimmyg4life Report

#50

Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

AelyneMB Report

#51

My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work

My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work

StagKen Report

#52

My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink

My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink

Jessie599 Report

#54

My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

Potatoprincessa Report

#55

Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift

Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift

elusivemrx Report

#56

My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today

My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today

armiesofants Report

#57

My Wife And I "Share" A Cabinet In The Bathroom

My Wife And I "Share" A Cabinet In The Bathroom

jackpot Report

#58

Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This

Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This

Kat211 Report

#59

Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage

Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage

Hoofhearted523 Report

#60

My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife

My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife

ApologeticKid Report

#61

I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep

I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep

missespanda Report

#62

Wife Left A Note In My Lunch

Wife Left A Note In My Lunch

xjrider Report

#63

Picking A Fight With My Wife

Picking A Fight With My Wife

Goodgardo Report

#64

I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me "Feel Better"

I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me "Feel Better"

wherediditype Report

#65

Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week

Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week

TheChosenPeeples Report

#66

I Might Have To Kill My Husband

I Might Have To Kill My Husband

HapEGoLucky Report

#67

I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"

I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"

Augray_Sorn Report

#68

Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter

Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter

SidePone Report

#69

Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband's Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead

Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband's Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead

hillshmill Report

#70

Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me

Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me

whitvw Report

#71

Thanks To Our Toaster Oven We Now Have Matching Husband And Wife Scars For Life

Thanks To Our Toaster Oven We Now Have Matching Husband And Wife Scars For Life

Itsjustme50 Report

#72

After 20 Years Of Marriage, And My Mother Asking Every Morning How My Father Takes His Tea, He's Finally Had It

After 20 Years Of Marriage, And My Mother Asking Every Morning How My Father Takes His Tea, He's Finally Had It

jamjam1090 Report

#73

Left This Note For My Wife

Left This Note For My Wife

horstmac Report

#74

Told My Husband Not To Eat The Ice Cream In The Freezer. Then I Saw This Shadow Form In The Kitchen

Told My Husband Not To Eat The Ice Cream In The Freezer. Then I Saw This Shadow Form In The Kitchen

SloanethePornGal Report

#75

Prefect Description

Prefect Description

moooooog35 Report

#76

My Wife Wanted Her Sandwich Cut In Half. She Was Non-Specific As To How

My Wife Wanted Her Sandwich Cut In Half. She Was Non-Specific As To How

leftnotracks Report

#77

My Wife Made Me A Passive Aggressive Flow Chart To Use Every Time I Get Hungry

My Wife Made Me A Passive Aggressive Flow Chart To Use Every Time I Get Hungry

biscoff_nutella Report

#78

My Wife Hates Rollercosters. After I Pitched A Fit About It, She Finally Picked One She Would Ride With Me

My Wife Hates Rollercosters. After I Pitched A Fit About It, She Finally Picked One She Would Ride With Me

chopbustre Report

#79

My Husband Told Me That He Bought Me A Diamond Necklace

My Husband Told Me That He Bought Me A Diamond Necklace

Breakingbay Report

#80

My Husband And I Have Two Small Children And Just Came To The Realization That We Don't Own Any Shot Glasses

My Husband And I Have Two Small Children And Just Came To The Realization That We Don't Own Any Shot Glasses

aubra_cadabra Report

#81

My Wife Awards 'Cat Of The Month' In Our House. But We Have Only One Cat

My Wife Awards 'Cat Of The Month' In Our House. But We Have Only One Cat

eisenh0wer Report

#82

Sent My Husband To Buy A Baby Shower Gift Bag. Dammit

Sent My Husband To Buy A Baby Shower Gift Bag. Dammit

MangoBlisters Report

#83

My Husband Added A Task To My Prethanksgiving Checklist

My Husband Added A Task To My Prethanksgiving Checklist

erinkella Report

#84

My Wife And I Visit IKEA Again And I Try To Figure Out Why

My Wife And I Visit IKEA Again And I Try To Figure Out Why

fantafano Report

#85

When Chipotle Mails Free Burrito Coupons, My Husband And I Shamelessly Check The Mailbox Recycling Around Our Apartment For Discards. Today's Search Went Pretty Well

When Chipotle Mails Free Burrito Coupons, My Husband And I Shamelessly Check The Mailbox Recycling Around Our Apartment For Discards. Today's Search Went Pretty Well

h-h-c Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#86

Called My Wife A Sandwich Maker

Called My Wife A Sandwich Maker

vollkommenes Report

#87

After 60 Years Of Marriage, My Grandparents' Minds Have Melded. Either My Grandparents Both Scrambled To Buy The Only Valentine's Day Cards Cvs Still Had In Stock Today Or They Just Really Are Meant To Be Together

After 60 Years Of Marriage, My Grandparents' Minds Have Melded. Either My Grandparents Both Scrambled To Buy The Only Valentine's Day Cards Cvs Still Had In Stock Today Or They Just Really Are Meant To Be Together

bvhaugen Report

#88

I'm 3 Months Pregnant With Our First Child, And Today My Husband Bought This Book 'to Get Some Tips'

I'm 3 Months Pregnant With Our First Child, And Today My Husband Bought This Book 'to Get Some Tips'

SlashedSpoon Report

#89

Wife Said She Packed A "Special Treat" In My Lunch Today

Wife Said She Packed A "Special Treat" In My Lunch Today

Spicy-Chicken Report

#90

They Tied The Knot. Literally

They Tied The Knot. Literally

vvexedd Report

#91

Learning How To Crochet, Husband Is Now Kept Warm

Learning How To Crochet, Husband Is Now Kept Warm

crochettinyblankets Report

#92

My Wife Thinks I'm Stupid Too

My Wife Thinks I'm Stupid Too

bmwhd Report

#93

My Brother And His Wife Got In A Fight Last Night. She Apparently Used His Phone As A Ninja Star

My Brother And His Wife Got In A Fight Last Night. She Apparently Used His Phone As A Ninja Star

phantasmagori Report

#94

Wife Sent Me To Get Milk

Wife Sent Me To Get Milk

adonisgq1 Report

#95

My Wife Bought Me Monogram Pajamas For Xmas

My Wife Bought Me Monogram Pajamas For Xmas

blubberbot Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#96

After Almost 6 Years Of Marriage, This Is My Favorite Way To Give My Wife A Hard Time

After Almost 6 Years Of Marriage, This Is My Favorite Way To Give My Wife A Hard Time

Mr_Locke Report

#97

Well, My Marriage Was Nice While It Lasted

Well, My Marriage Was Nice While It Lasted

sfr87 Report

#98

I Asked My Husband To Put Away The Leftovers

I Asked My Husband To Put Away The Leftovers

Asher64 Report

#99

Anyone Know A Good Divorce Lawyer? I Just Saw My Wife Eat A Kitkat

Anyone Know A Good Divorce Lawyer? I Just Saw My Wife Eat A Kitkat

TroutBum801 Report

#100

Today Is The 6 Wk "Point" After My C-Section... Here's How My Husband Brought Me Breakfast This Morning

Today Is The 6 Wk "Point" After My C-Section... Here's How My Husband Brought Me Breakfast This Morning

Willmuzik Report

#101

Someone... Please

Someone... Please

moooooog35 Report

#102

This Was The Card I Got My Husband For Our Anniversary. What Can I Say? I'm Sentimental

This Was The Card I Got My Husband For Our Anniversary. What Can I Say? I'm Sentimental

SweetLilLies Report

#103

My Husband Cleaned The Kitchen. I Think He Wants A Reward

My Husband Cleaned The Kitchen. I Think He Wants A Reward

felesroo Report

#104

Asked My Wife To Get More Magnets For The Fridge With No Restrictions On What Kind

Asked My Wife To Get More Magnets For The Fridge With No Restrictions On What Kind

Ghotifett Report

#105

He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (I’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)

He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (I’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)

Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#106

My Husband Travels For Work. He Gave Me This So I Am Never Really Alone

My Husband Travels For Work. He Gave Me This So I Am Never Really Alone

hamleteatsoatmeal